email from a friend

i cannot pretend
that everything makes sense
but does it really matter now
if i dont know how
to figure this thing out
and im against myself again
trying to fit these pieces in

unknown - lifehouse

love, i got an email from an old friend today.

a friend who has known me for a while and knows about my history with jamie. a friend who reads the journal.

she posed a question for me.

why fight it?

what a question.

i talked to her later about it. she says that i should forget about my preconceived notions of how the relationship should unfold and just go for it.

maybe she's right.

the fact that she is encouraging me to do this is very much a sign to me. i *never* thought that i would hear anything like that come out of her mouth.

im receiving a lot of confirmation lately. a lot.

i just dont want to rush this.

i dont want to fail. again.

i want this to be perfect. but there's no such thing.

i want to know the end before it even begins. but as she said, that takes all the fun out of the middle.

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