emotion rollercoaster

roses are red
violets are blue
i hate valentine's day
and so do you
but every woman deserves flowers
especially you
i just hope
that these will do

- chad - the card on the flowers that jamie will receive from me today

love, what an emotional rollercoaster i have been on since i last wrote you.

im physically drained from it all. and right now, i just dont know what to feel.

lets start at the beginning. thats always a good place to start.

on friday, i asked jamie if she wanted to go with me and my brothers to visit my dad in the hospital. he had both of his knees replaced.

he wasnt doing very well when we got there, but he seemed happy to see us. he was in a lot of pain.

i really didnt like seeing him like that. it hurts me to know what he's going through.

after that, jamie and i went to the movies and had a really good time. she made me feel better about dad by taking my mind off of it and just being a good friend.

after the movie, we were standing outside my house and talking. it was very cold and it had rained all day as well. i mention that for a reason.

actually, well, the conversation started off about oral sex to be honest. not in a bad way or anything like that, she was just asking me what my thoughts were about it. she doesnt think that its right.

then, i asked her what she would do if her husband asked her to move away. she told me that she really doesnt have a problem with it anymore, but that she would always think that this was home.

i could feel the conversation shifting to us. or maybe i just felt that then would have been a really good time to tell her how i felt about her.

regardless, while she was telling me something, i said a quick prayer asking God to lead me in the remainder of the conversation.

after that, the words just flowed out of my mouth. it really amazes me the things that God says through my lips sometimes.

i basically told her everything and then some. i told her everything that i have written about here. i told her about all the different confirmations that i have been getting lately.

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