picture

its just a small picture.

a picture that for some reason i decided to put in my checkbook.

a picture that i now have to look at every time that i open that checkbook. and its a picture that i am looking at right now.

its a picture of michele and chase taken at christmas time.

of course she looks good in it, and of course it makes me miss her every time that i look at it. she's smiling that beautiful smile of hers. the one that attracted me to her in the first place. and its hard for me to look at.

but she's not the part of the picture that really pulls at my heart. he is.

he's so incredibly cute with his little peach fuzz haircut, and his chubby cheeks, and his little dimples, and his little baby teeth shining while he smiles.

he's wearing his little red overalls with a snowman on the front and a red and white striped shirt.

it would be hard not to fall in love with the little guy.

and it makes it even harder when he shows you the affection that he showed me in the very brief time that we shared together. he's 14 months old. and the very first time that i ever really spent with him he was crawling on me and wanting me to pick him up. the next time that i saw him was at the office, and he knew my name and again wanted me to pick him up. that was the last time that i have seen him.

and i miss the little guy. i miss him a lot. and i worry about him.

i worry about his future, and all the things that he is going to go through in his life.

i know that michele is a good mother to him. i know that she is going to take care of him to the best of her ability. but i also know that she can be very selfish. i know that she is very desperate to find someone right now. and because of that, she is probably going to settle for the first person to come along that will agree to the things that she wants. and will more than likely end up right back in the same situation that she is in right now.

i have already expressed my opinions of his father. a man that finds it more convenient to get drunk and party than to hold his family together. i just cant stand parents who dont take responsibility for their children.

i worry about all the confusion that chase is going to go through. all the different people that are going to be a part of his life because of this are going to affect him. some negatively and some positively. even if those people are only a very small part of his life, like myself.

i just hope that he gets raised in the best possible manner by the best possible people. because at the very least he deserves that and so much more.

and i also wonder if he had any kind of choice in the matter, what he would choose.

i would like to think that i would be his second choice. i would like to think that he would choose me over an alcoholic from north carolina and a fat redneck radio boy.

but then again, i would like to think that michele would choose me over those as well.

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footnote:

its supposed to storm again soon. and its already thundering in the distance. looks like i will be sleeping well tonight.