i forgot to put on deodorant this morning.
i stink.
note to self: pick up some deodorant on the way home, and never ever go a day without wearing it again.
i slept last night with the window open, listening to the rain and watching lightning.
sheer ecstacy.
i havent slept that well in a long time.
a conversation i had via email today at work: (these are taken directly from the email themselves. if there are typos in there, then they were there in the email)
me: i just wonder why it didnt work out.....its not like i didnt try...
me: so, what was it
me: dont feel that what was right........and why havent we talked about this.....i just dont understand
me: are you saying that you dont have any time to think about the relationship, or you dont have any time to think to tell me that you dont want it anymore
me: something happened....something changed.....something caused you not to have the feelings that you once had for me.....i just want to know what that was.....thats all im asking....
me: no, where have you been for the last five days?
someone i once knew: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, LOOK JUST LIKE ME I KNOW YOU HAVE ALOTE ON YOUR TOO SO I JUST HAVE BEEN GIVING YOU SPACE AND I HOPE THAT THAT IS OK.......LOOK CHAD I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO THIS IS NOT WORKING OUT SO I THINK IT IS BEST FOR THE BOTH OF US TO JUST TRY AND LET THINGS GO BACK TO THE WAY THEY USED TO BE...............
or i at least thought i knew: i didnt say you didnt try sweetie
i was wrong though: I just do not feel that if was right...........
bad wrong: Well the reason we have not talked about it is because i never have any spare time to think about it.....and that is one reason i want another job because i feel that i am being killed over here and getting absolutley nothing and i am tired of it...........and i am so sorry that you do not understand;.;.
how could i be so gullible: i really do not want anything.....
how could i let someone hurt me again: i know Chad and to be honest with you I really do not know, i just need to sit back and think about things
and so it ends.
i almost liked it better when i didnt know.
oh, and i saw the fat redneck radio boy at work again today.
i wonder if she needs to sit back and think about things with him as well.
eh, who cares?
i just miss the image of the relationship. not the actual relationship itself.
and i miss chase. and i hate the fact that i never really got to know him. and he never really got a chance to know me.
footnote:
today is vance's 19th birthday.
happy birthday bud. i know you will read this.