Site hosted by Build your free website today!

Surreal Cafe

My sister and I once decided that, when we're crazy old ladies (as opposed to just being crazy), we're going to open a surreal cafe. Of course we'll be rich by this point (we have other plans for that), so profit is not the main goal for this little cafe. Which works out perfectly. Because it won't make much.

It will, however, provide one hell of a source of entertainment for us. Plus, y'know, this sort of thing is hugely popular nowadays; it's all about the experience, you see. We'd get people calling for reservations months in advance. And we'd vary our surreal tactics, so people will keep coming back.

We've thought about this very thoroughly.

Incidentally, to all outward appearances, this cafe is perfectly normal. Surreal things may only happen twice a day - thereby making them all the more surreal. So, following are a few of the potential surrealisms we've come up with...

1. Upon ordering, waitress will look the customer right in the eye and yell "FUUUUUUUCK!" before walking off.

2. Again, should people attempt to order ("I'll have a tuna sandwich, please."), the order will be repeated somewhat loudly ("TUNA SANDWICH?!?"), before waitress walks off.

3. Waitress may just walk off.

4. While taking orders, waitress will scribble madly on her notepad, taking a long time to finish, before finally looking up and happily showing off her drawing of a rabbit.

5. Labels on food behind the counter will not match the food they're labeling. Labels may not even have food names written on them. Observe whether customers ask for the chicken salad or the oh look your shoes are on fire.

6. Waitress will try to out-stare customers while they attempt to order.

7. And even while they don't.

8. A small microphone will occasionally be concealed in the napkin dispenser of a randomly chosen table. Any conversation held over this table will be instantly played over cafe loudspeakers. Observe how long it takes customers to realise.

9. "Male" and "female" signs on toilet doors are interchangeable. Signs may both say the same thing. Signs may read "ferret" and "weasel".

10. Waitress will walk over to customers and, with a friendly smile, say "I'll have a cheeseburger please, no pickles, with salad on the side, and a large Coke. Thanks!"

11. [work in progress. Sorry. Send in ideas? :) ]