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I was just thinking
About how you touch my hand
How you look at me softly
As you try to understand
I was just thinking
About how your words make me cry
How you'll hold me so close
Without the fear of goodbye
I was just thinking
About how you sleep through the night
How you pull me so close
How you hold me just right
I was just thinking
About how you hate waking up
How you breathe when you sleep
How your old dog's still a pup
I was just thinking
About how soft your skin feels
How the day is so long
How the nights are so real
I was just thinking
It's all I can do
To keep me awake
'Til I can see you
Tanya Beauchemin
Half of a mile can seem so long
Three words can seem unfair
Perfection is often the root of all wrong
While the footing is still not there
Searching with closed eyes works in the end
Pretending to fly above the ice in the sky
Battling broken hearts that will not mend
Burning, the passion sits on the reply
Drooling, the clouds hang in the dark sun
Half way home with all energy spent
Continuous flow, Oblivious run
Nothing perfect can ever be bent
Settling, sidewalk away from the moon
Carries us all the way home
Upon arrival which comes so soon
Synthetic, the doorway to Rome
Pillars and blaspheme and all we stand for
Bleeding, the peace has not come to its stop
There is such perfection in the simple man's war
When all we have won is another man's crop
Speaking, softly the wind blows on by
Silently, stars rise to the sky
Painfully, man pleads to know why
Forever, there is no reply
Tanya Beauchemin
TOP
Why a door can let you in but can't let you out
Why silence hurts me more than a constantly angered shout
Why when he leaves I want him more
Why all that I need is beyond that door
I am a girl that will never get it right
Why you learn more from having a fight
Why bruises heal you and voices break
Why i'll always give and he'll always take
I am girl that can't find the way
Why i will run when i want to stay
Why when the sun won't shine he'll feel so sad
Yet in the rain best times are had
I am a girl that's tried and pained
While all is lost there is nothing gained
While the sun still shines and the bruises heal
The hope in me i still can't feel.
Tanya Beauchemin
TOP
I was in a dream last night
Walking towards the wood-lined light
And all about the world still danced
And all good things came not by chance
And as I worked my way to wake
I found myself beside a lake
I watched the water fight the beach
And for the surface I tried to reach
Moving pebbles 'neath my feet
Causing me to break the sleet
Cold black surface I fall into
And then I wake and look for you
A blanket pulled over my little fear
And then I hear you breathe so near
Quicky ponder how unreal it seems
That you are a part of all of my dreams.
Tanya Beauchemin
TOP
The other day i walked down the lane
and to your window i slowly came
a flower stopped me and asked me how
how i could even think of coming now
because you were done with being my friend
and so you've left without amends
and the flower knew what i couldn't see
that all this time you were there for me
and i was grateful but no favour returned
and after all this time i have not learned
and so i took the lane again
and on the way i met some men
and they were drinking and they were blue
for there best friend had left them too
upon the path they swayed and stirred
and not one word from them I heard
for in my head the flower was true
and in my heart i was sick for you
So the message here is plain to see
if you have a friend as great as me
be as good as good as good can be
And our friendship will set us free
Tanya Beauchemin
TOP
Afraid, as the light through the window shortens on the floor
Baffled by the cold ground that steals the warmth from my core
Cringing at the whispered wind that finds a way through the door
Defined only by a space that i can't help but ignore
Even the dreams are no longer, no longer able to keep me awake
Frightened still by the snow falling over a heart that has yet to break
Grieving a baby born, a child lost and an innocence that i cannot take
Hardened peace settles around a lifeless child i cannot forsake
Ill from sight of the frozen world beyond the shudders that hold me here
Justified life that succombs only to the air flowing from a crackled mirror
Killing only remnants of what illusions take me from my clandestined fear
Lashing on the clouded panes pressed upon by sounds I no longer hear
Maybe the morning will save me from the emptiness of another night
No thing weighs more on the soul as death weighs more out of right
Only slowly, a revolver aimed, eyes unaware at first sight
Prepared to go out yet always aware, sudden loss of light
Tanya Beauchemin
TOP
I watched the day as it passed me by
I watched the earth turn - closer to die
I watched your tear as I broke your heart
I watched myself slowly fall apart
I see the dirt road turn to mist
As a cut breathes out upon my wrist
The tiled floor now a blood red rose
And God won't tell me what he knows
No good for heaven, no use to hell
For so many reasons I cannot tell
And still I am left lifeless here
Before death releases absolute fear
Strangled choking for a while
A dying mess in such denial
A man in the room screams at the sight
"Please don't go, please please fight"
A cough of life, a drift to death
I have yet to take that breath
And now it's dark and no face to see
No pain in a man who fights for me
Why God won't take me fast
Why God wants this man's pain to last
How he tries to cover my river red
He is much too late, I am already dead
And still he grasps my fallen soul
Unaware that I have turned to cold
"Please, please don't die today
Please, dear god, please let her stay."
I watched the day turn to night
I watched as the fade to darkness escapes all light
I watched the life as it passed me by
Not for a second in life is it better to die
Tanya Beauchemin
TOP
Over your shoulder out the window
Staring in silence, I already know
She called last night and as she cried
She told me things - I know you lied
But here I lie in disbelief
Not allowing myself to feel the grief
She meant no harm and felt such pain
She told me the story again and again
Turning over how hard I tried
But I still can hear the way she cried
The way her heart fell when you said no more
The way it must have broke walking out the door
You are next to me but I want you to go
But for why you need not know
I'll let you believe that I never cared
That we were an unloving pair
I cannot seem to figure out
We'd always fight and forever shout
The days passed us by unfelt
And how I loved you more than life itself
And she, the voice on the other line
Swears that she will be quite fine
And her whimpered breath steals my heart
As she ends a talk she couldn't help but start
I will not scream and shall not cry
I won't even ask you why
I'll simply ask for you to walk away
The same way you asked her yesterday
July 11, 1999
Tanya Beauchemin
TOP
Bruised arm, broken heart
Pulled away, torn apart
Never an end, always a start
No common sense and yet so smart
Slashing words, daggered stare
Forever even and never fair
Because you love, because you care
Stop the hurt my soul can't bare
Burning hatred, hollow fear
Forever close and never near
End the crying he can't hear
Keep your love for someone dear
July 12, 1999
Tanya Beauchemin
TOP
Spoken softly in the wintered scene
Oh my child, how have you been?
Tossing up the weightless snow
Oh my child, how could you know?
Dampened streets, a bundled mess
Unto their souls our God shall bless
Quickened so, the screaming breaks
Yearned child, God foresakes
Stringed mits, warming flame
Twisted steel, broken frame
Little hands attempt to hold
Left to die out in the cold
Mommy dear how I need you so
Where did all your colours go
I did not feel my heart inside
Please take from me the hurt I hide
Little flake that turns so slow
Oh my child, how could you know
Little tears, what should have been
Falling softly in the wintered scene
December 22, 1998
Tanya Beauchemin
TOP
Upon a time, to high school say
A girl of fifteen was on her way
A boy she found
Became a bound
And fell into his arms
Upon that time, to love he'd say
The girl of sixteen woke up one day
Heart was lost
Boy was tossed
And she fell from his arms
Upon the time, alone she'd swear
This Historical God came from nowhere
Costume worn
Life was torn
And she fell onto her hands
Upon this time afraid somehow
She fell in love and still is now
She was too late
His heart escaped
And nothing fills her arms
November 9, 1997
Tanya Beauchemin
TOP
I know you saw me
And still nothing came
I know you can't say
That you still feel the same
I know you came home
I felt you walk into the room
I know there are things to say
But I am not sure to whom
I know my heart still bleeds
For you to look again
I know you could see me
You'd just have to bend
All the words we once shared
Your destined to forget
I am still broken
But there is no regret
I know you watched me
While I walked away
I know you let me go
When you had things to say
I know I can't breathe
And you won't let me near
I know I can't stay
I'm fighting back fear
I know the window casts a shadow
And there's a draft near the floor
I know you waited for a moment
Before you walked out the door
I know the wind carries on
When the silence breaks away
Even the right words
Wouldn't have let you stay
I know nothing
Except nothing at all
I once held the whole world
But then I let you fall
February 5th, 2001
Tanya Beauchemin
TOP
Drooling, the clouds hang in the sun
Frozen, the words will not come undone
Undefined, the river continues to run
Jagged, the bodies cannot become one
Sorted affairs torture in time
Rapidly, moving away from the spine
Chanced footing, falling, sublime
On the way down, no one can climb
Faithfully, measure one mile apart
Rhythymatically, move to the beat of a heart
Suddenly, pounding, a practicing art
Collapsing, fatality, a cyclical start
Speaking, softly the wind whispers bye
Silently, screaming stars grasp at the sky
Painfully, bent, man pleads to know why
Forever, in nature there is no reply
Tanya Beauchemin
TOP
So we've been here before
And you want to give way to logic
And your heart's not crying anymore
So you figure it's time to give in
And take the long walk out the door
And do your best to not look back
And my heart's felt like this before
Even though it's hard to remember
Anyone else I have ever loved more
But I know I have and I know I will
And I know God's got more in store
So time to get on with getting on
When strength surges, pain surges more
And I rest my tearless smile
Cause I have never felt like this before
But you're still walking away
And I am aware that my attempt is poor
I hate that I can't see your face
I watch you closely as you walk away
And I can feel my heart crash
As I need to ask you to stay
But it's not over yet
Cause there is more to say
Just hand me your stringless love
It's ok that it doesn't work anymore
It's ok that we tried and that we failed
Cause the feelings we couldn't ignore
But then you stop and look back
And my heart hurts a little more
Cause I miss what we had before
Tanya Beauchemin
TOP
I know you saw me
And still nothing came
I know you can't say
That you still feel the same
I know you came home
I felt you walk in the room
I know there are things to say
But I am not sure to whom
I know my heart still bleeds
For you to look again
I know you could see me
You'd just have to bend
All the words we once shared
You're destined to forget
I am still broken
But there is no regret
I know you watched me
While I walked away
I know you let me go
With things left to say
I know I can't breathe
And you won't let me near
I know I can't stay
I am drowning in fear
I know the window casts a shadow
And there's a draft near the floor
I know you waited for a moment
Before you walked out that door
I know nothing
Except nothing at all
I once held the whole world
But then I let you fall
Tanya Beauchemin
TOP
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