The Adventures of Lano & Woodley

The Girlfriend
Colin: I was sitting alone in a coffee shop. And the most beautiful girl walked in. She was so beautiful. She had eyes...which was good. Cos the last girl I was interested in only had skin from the eyebrows down.

ONe SImple Task
Colin: Just get away. (pushes Frank away) Aaahh! I jarred my finger then. It got caught on your shirt and jarred. You did that on purpose.
Frank: You pushed me.
Colin: You made sure that your shirt was hanging in such a way that when I pushed you my finger would get caught. (touches him again) Aaarrhh!!
Frank: Col, that's ridiculous.
Colin: You did it on purpose you did. You're an on purpose jarrer. To think I used to be your friend. I wsa the friend of an on purpose jarrer.

Frank:(standing on top of the telly) Look Col, I'm on the tv. Get it? I'm on the tv.
Colin: Frank, get down, you'll get hurt.
Frank: Don't worry Col, I've got the balance of a mountain goat.
Colin: Yeah, but I'll hurt you if you don't get down.

Tonight You Die
Frank: Excuse me, have you got that film, you know, that, um, film, that film, with that guy. You know, that um, that actor guy, you know, that actor guy who's in all those films, have you got it? Oh you know, you know the one I mean. Oh, what's his name? He's been in heaps of films, you'd know him, you'd know him for sure. You know...that actor guy. (Later) Oh, hey, hey, um, this'll help, this'll help, I just thought. He was in that film where he plays a cop. You know, you know the film I mean, where that actor guy plays a cop.
Colin: You want me to put that back?
Video guy: No, I'll do it, it's my job.
Frank: And he was after that bad know!...The actor guy. What's his name!!

(Colin accidently pulls down a whole shelf of videos)
Colin: You'll put those back won't you? Cos it's..YOUR job.

(Mannix stabs Colin. Colin takes the knife)
Colin: That's the worst fake knife I've ever seen. And that blood doesn't look real at all. What happens? Does the blood come out of the handle when the blade retracts? Oh, I can't seem to get the blade to retract. Do you have to press a button or something? How does it work? I can't find anything...Can you have another go? (Mannix stabs him again) Where's the button? I can't find the button..Oh, hang on, that's starting to hurt...

The Wall
(file goes through the wall)
Frank: (sings) I wish that hadn't happened.
Later..(basketball sized hole in the wall - basketball now stuck in it)
Frank: (sings) I wish that hadn't happened.
Later still..(Frank pushes basketball through the wall)
Frank: (sings) I wish that hadn't happened.

The Two Men
Girl 2: Our husbands are violently jealous. I don't think they'd be very happy if they found out we were here with two men.
Frank: Two men? What two men? Where are the two men?
Girl 2: You're the two men.
Frank: Oh yeah! (Frank and Colin giggle)

Girl 1: They'd kill all of us.
Frank: They'd kill all of us! You two girls, and us, and the two men? That's six people dead.
Colin: We're the two men.
Frank: Oh yeah! (more giggling)

Frank: It was so much more exciting when everyone was here. Us, the girls, and the two men. It was like a party.
Colin: We're the two men.
Frank: We're the two men. (giggles)

Colin: Let's look in the window and see if we can see the two men.
Frank: We're the two men. (big smile)
Colin: We're not the two men. We're not the two men. We were the two men, but now we're not the two men. We are two men, but we're not the two men. We're

(After dropping from the car park roof)
Frank: I don't care what anyone says. I reckon...we are the two men.

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