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Or "Don’t Keep Wild Things in a Cage!"
By Klaus D. Haisch

Title illustration by Mike McKiernan


The original "Untouchables" episode was filmed in 1961.

Albert was born in 1928, and was 33 at the time. He is 6'2".

Mary was born in 1932, and was 29 at the time. She is 5'8".


Cast of Main Characters...

1) Steve "Country Boy" Parrish (Albert Salmi), a loveable, simple country boy who got caught up in crime. He just wants to return to the simple country life.

2) Emmy Sarver (Mary Fickett), man-hungry woman whose biological clock is ticking-- like a time bomb!

3) Eliot Ness (Robert Stack), head of the Untouchables.

4) Agent Enrico Rossi (Nicholas Georgiade), Ness' Italian 2nd-in-command.

5) Agent Lee Hobson (Paul Picerni), Ness' trusted pal.

6) Willard Thornton (Wendell Corey), on the surface, a Reformer out to clean up crime-- but secretly a big crook himself.

7) Barney Lubin (Carroll Connor), a crooked lawyer, isn't that redundant?


NARRATOR: "Toward the end of 1932, the power of Chicago's Underworld seemed to be waning. But by summer of the following year, a new wave of crime had engulfed the city." Gangsters firing machine guns. Car bombs exploding. Summer of 1933, the city of Chicago has voted Willard Thornton to the post of heading a civic group designed to eliminate crime, and get some arrests. At a press conference, Thornton promises to get some arrests, while saying a bit ironically that he does not "criticize any established law enforcement agency" (Eliot Ness is standing right next to him), for failing to do so. Thornton makes the sly implication that Ness is not "really" responsible that there have been no major arrests lately. Eliot does not trust this guy!


Late one night, Eliot Ness, Enrico Rossi and Lee Hobson follow a small-time crook named Joey Loomis to the Central States Pharmaceuticals warehouse. The Untouchables break in and find something not in the official inventory-- heroin. Joey's capture, and the $80,000 heroin bust, causes a meeting of 5 big-time gangsters, early afternoon the following day, on a south-bound train from Chicago. Barney Lubin is serving drinks to Felix Varsack, representing the Al Capone mob. Wally Jater, former lieutenant of Bugs Moran. Steve Parrish, the Enforcer, they called him "Country Boy," or "Country" for short. And one more, known only to the other 4-- he had organized this merger in crime-- Willard Thornton! Even though Eliot Ness couldn't hold Joey, because he knew nothing of the heroin deal, the Big Bosses decide Joey must be rubbed out.

Thornton says, "Take care of it, Country."

Steve is a tall, good-looking, country boy type. Clean cut, with a neatly trimmed moustache. He had been standing there, leisurely leaning against a wall, peeling an apple with his pocket knife, when Thornton gave him that order. More surprised than trying to argue with him, Steve says, "Me? You know I'm pullin' out." Yes, he is such a simple, good-natured, and naive country boy, he actually thinks that someone in so deep with the Syndicate as he is, can just retire anytime he likes, and no one will have any objections. (Like any long-time employee could just retire when he's put in his time, and the company would tell him, "happy retirement.") He doesn't realize that Thornton could just as easily give someone the order to kill him, and Country would never knew what hit him.

Thornton tells him, "One more job." All the mobsters give Country a steely, icy glare.

"Well, I don't know," Steve says, almost in a conversational tone. "I bought the farm, my train leaves first thing in the morning." Ironic choice of words-- he doesn't realize that if he disobeys a direct order from Thornton, he will "buy the farm" alright!

Thornton accommodates, and tells him, "Then do it tonight. You owe it to us."

Steve thinks about the situation for a moment. Joey Loomis used to be a dope pusher. He got a lot of young people hooked on drugs, and several had died from overdosing. Rubbing out Joey was removing a stain from society. Joey had had the bad habit of using too much dope himself instead of selling it. Now, he was no longer a pusher, just a junkie. Steve says softly, "This once. Okay?" He is so naive, he still thinks that by doing one last job, he will be able to leave the Syndicate with their blessings. Steve doesn't realize, when you are in this deep, you are in for life. The only way you leave is by being thrown in jail for the rest of your life, or by dying (usually by being rubbed out).

Thornton tells Country to get off at Kankakee (about 59 miles south of Chicago), and he can do the job, and get back in plenty of time. So as not to arouse any suspicion, or to establish alibis in case Country gets caught, they all get off at different stops. Thornton will travel all the way to Springfield (200 miles south of Chicago) before taking a plane back to Chicago-- he is having dinner with the Governor in Springfield!

In town, on a sidewalk, Steve is combing his hair. A street vendor is heating peanuts; Steve helps himself to a free handful, and walks away. This "outlaw" mentality is something he enjoys, on a small scale. He doesn't notice the car behind him--he is being tailed by Ness and his men. The Feds don't recognize him just then, because it's too dark. They watch him as Steve goes into a dive with the sign "Rooms for Rent." Upstairs, Steve knocks on the door of room 32. Joey thinks Steve is there to give him a fix. Instead, Steve slowly unfolds his shiv. For a moment, Steve's face lights up in a grin; to him this is fun, just like hunting possum or bear or rabbit.

Ness and his men run upstairs, and find Joey stabbed to death. Since the back door to the building is locked, Steve must still be in the building. The Feds go door to door. When Ness kicks in the door of room 34, there is a man calmly reading the newspaper. Ness gets a good look at him now, and says, "Country Boy Parrish."

Country Boy is NOT a hardened criminal. He couldn't even lie with a straight face, which is a prerequisite. And he knows he can't lie, having been brought up an honest country boy. So he is just toying with Ness when he says, "You got a nerve bustin' in here. Can't a man read his paper?"

Steve knows Eliot is seeing right through his little "playing innocent" routine. Poor Steve still thinks this is all a big joke-- he is retiring from the mob (he thinks). Eliot won't be able to make any charges stick, for knifing Joey (no witnesses, and the mob will bail him out, he thinks).

Eliot Ness does NOT have a sense of humor with crooks trying to "play cute" with him! As big and strong as Steve is, an angry Eliot Ness pulls him out of his chair with one hand, and pushes him backwards into the waiting arms of Lee Hobson, who quickly frisks Steve.

Some muffled groans from the closet reveal the real tenant of room 34. Steve is calm as he tells Ness, "I'll come along for the ride," and adds, "I'll be out on bail before your booking slip is dry." (He still doesn't realize that a possible manslaughter charge brought against him by the Feds is nothing compared to what the mob will do to him.)

Because of that wisecrack, Eliot "hands" Steve's hat to him-- with a thrust to his bread basket that knocks the wind out of Steve. And Ness, known for not being able to restrain his temper at crooks, pushes Steve out the door with such force that Steve is off-balance for several steps. Good thing the stairway wasn't directly outside the door-- he would have fallen down the stairs, with his behind feeling every step!

Later, at Barney Lubin Bail Bonds, Barney gets on the blower and gives a quick message to Thornton, "Ness again!" he says with irritation, and adds, "He's got the Country Boy."

In Fed headquarters, Ness, Rossi, Hobson and Captain Johnson grill Steve Parrish, giving him the 3rd degree. Ness is rolling up his sleeves; Country boy is calmly adjusting his tie and vest, to keep his neat, cool appearance. Usually it's the suspect who asks for a glass of water; but Steve is acting real cool, and says a bit sarcastically, "You better get yourself a glass of water, Mr. Ness. It sounds like you're losing your voice."

He is really playing with fire. He knows Ness would like nothing better than to punch him for his sarcasm, but Ness has to control himself.

When Ness explains the scenario of the mob wanting Joey dead, Steve says playfully, "And YOU think I killed him. Tsk, tsk, tsk." After saying how there are no witnesses, Steve adds, "I'm not gonna be here long," and starts to rise out of his chair. Ness pushes him back down in his chair with a >plop<.

Steve's face lights up when shyster attorney Lubin shows up, offering to post the $100,000 bond using a property on Erie Street as collateral. Ness keeps Parrish in jail overnight, while he checks to see what the property is really worth.

At the Public Library, Lubin meets with Thornton. Thornton has decided to use $100,000 cash to spring Parrish. Lubin is afraid Parrish will sing, even if he's free on bail. Thornton says with finality, "Dead birds don't sing."

The collateral property is only worth $38,000-- minus $31,000 in liens! Then Ness gets the bad news from Capt. Johnson that Parrish was sprung on $100,000 cash. Eliot's frustration is obvious-- once again, he caught a crook, only to have the legal system set him free. That night, Lubin takes Parrish for a ride. In gangster parlance, this is the infamous "one way ride," where one person never comes back. The only unusual thing about this is that Steve, the one fingered to be rubbed out, is doing the driving.

Lubin pulls out his gat and tells Steve to turn right down a dirt side-road. It isn't until Lubin comes right out and tells him, that Steve finally realizes they aren't driving to Thornton's place-- Thornton has double-crossed him and wants him dead. In desperation, Steve fights with Lubin to get the heater away from him. The car crashes, and hits a telephone pole with such force that the pole is split in two. From the crashed car, there is the sound of 2 slugs being fired. Steve crawls out of the burning car. His clothes look a mess.

In the small town of "Five Points" (so named because there are 5 roads leading in and out) we first see Emma Sarver, who runs the local diner. 29 years old, she is the most man-hungry woman in the county. Tall (5'8") and slim, she could be attractive if she dressed nicer, but is dressed in tomboy fashion. Baggy blue jeans, plain working shoes, and white socks (no stockings for her). A shirt instead of a blouse (and a dark shirt with two pockets, the kind that a male gas station attendant might wear, at that), and an old knitted sweater with oversized buttons. Her light brown hair is done up in a practical, but not very flattering, style.

Emma also runs the gas pumps. She is fueling a truck for a couple of middle-aged, overweight truckers, as an attractive motorcycle cop pulls up. His name's Pete, and he fills her in that a killer is on the loose (Parrish) and about the murdered Lubin. The first fat trucker quips the guy must have killed himself rather than eat Emma's cooking. All the men kid Emma just like she was "one of the guys." She usually takes the kidding good-naturedly (or pretends to, on the outside), though her heart aches to have a man--any man-- treat her like a woman.

When policeman Pete asks her if she's seen Parrish, the knucklehead truckers quip that if there is a MAN on the loose that Emma hasn't seen, he's not in the county-- or even the state! (Well, the fact that Emma is man-hungry is no secret in this town.)

She smiles broadly, flashing her teeth, and fluttering her eyelashes at the nice-looking cop, telling him, "Waffles wouldn't take too long." He has to leave. As the truckers leave, one of them says Emmy is just "one of the boys," a phrase she has heard a million times, and probably never wants to hear again for the rest of her life. (Emma must be thinking to herself: "Forget the truckers, they're married anyway. But that nice, single policeman Pete..." )

Emmy had known Pete for years. He was the only man who was nice to her, treated her like a lady. They had even dated a few times, though that was a few years ago. One time, when some yokel had said that Emmy "looks like a man," Pete punched him. His chivalry didn't lead to romance with Emmy though; instead his reputation as an enforcer encouraged him to enter the police academy, and now he's a cop. Now, Pete was dating a very nice girl named Louise. Emmy was still good friends with Pete.

Emma stopped for a moment to feed her pet raccoon, which she kept in a big cage. There is a big sign on the cage: "Do not feed raccoon. This means you!" This raccoon is a bit symbolic of how Emmy had the bad habit of trying to keep wild things in a cage. There was also a sign on her diner: "Truck Drivers welcome"-- this was not so symbolic, it's in plain English.

The customers gone, Emma walks inside her diner, pauses and smiles. She can't believe her good luck, she has found a man. Emma brushes some hair from her forehead. She walks into the back room. Imagine a prospector who finds gold; an archeologist discovering a rare find; someone who finds a pirate's buried treasure.

For the longest time, Emma had prayed, "Dear Lord, send me a man--any man." Bingo! She hit the jackpot. Steve was sleeping on the floor, and she eyed him from head to toe... tall, handsome, strong, Nordic good looks - so doggone cute! The local men are okay, but he had Scandinavian fair complexion, light hair and (though she hasn't seen his eyes yet) she bet his eyes were blue. Emma is man-hungry, and she's going to gobble him up. He is Thanksgiving dinner. She thought to herself, "Thank you, Lord-- I'm going to church next Sunday for sure!"

She wakes him up. Emma has to do the talking, since Steve won't say a word. She likes the way he dresses--suit and tie, so distinguished. Not like the truck drivers and farmers around here. He must be from a big city, maybe Chicago.

She explains that she found him in her back room. Yet, she asks for no explanation from him (even though he is technically guilty of breaking-and-entering, and trespassing). Speaking calmly and sweetly, Emma says, "What you need is a good cup of Joe"-- (and thinks, "and one serving of me, served steaming hot!").

A bit later, Emma serves him some hot Java from a coffee pot, as he is sitting there eating, at a barrel which he uses as a table. Finally, the laconic Steve asks, "Look, how come you do this for a stranger, huh?"

Without missing a beat, Emma says sweetly, "Oh, a fella needs something to eat, a place to sleep, you give it to him. That's the way it is in farm country." Then, leaning over the makeshift table, looking Steve directly in the eyes, from only about 8 inches away, she smiles broadly and adds, "my Pa was a farmer." (Yep, country folk are very friendly people. In her mind, she's thinking, "Country girls make the best wives!" She almost feels that if she thinks it hard enough, Steve will know what she's thinking.)

Her eyes gaze into his, looking for any sign that the love she feels might be mutual. But all Steve does is give off a short grunt, and he keeps on chewing his food.

Emma goes on, and tells the story of how her dad worked the farm, then bought this place, then died. Steve isn't really listening. To him, her talking is like having the radio playing in the background-- just background sounds.

Finally, she comments how he is so smartly dressed, and must like the big city life.

Steve says, "I was a farm boy once. I guess it sticks."

Suddenly, a ray of hope--Emma sits down next to him. Even though it is hard for her to come right out and ask a man for a dance, or a date, let alone to live with her, she is desperate. A few minutes ago, she only thought it--now she is putting it into words: "You should stay."

Steve says he's moving out.

("Rats!" Emmy thinks to herself. But, all is fair in love and war, and she is already two steps ahead of Steve. Step one...) As Steve wants to pay the 4 bits for his breakfast, he discovers his wallet is missing. He had hitchhiked to Sycamore, then walked the last 3 dusty miles to Five Points. Without any money, it'd be harder to leave.

He is still determined to leave, but (here is Step two), the fast-thinking Emma is way ahead of Steve, who is a bit slow this morning. She hands him the morning paper, with the headline "Commissioner to give reward."

"Pa's room is real nice," she says, offering him guest quarters. Then adds, "It's big." (She eyes Steve and thinks, "Big room for a big man.") She almost bites her lower lip in anticipation.

She finally gets him to say he's thinking to stay. She closes her eyes again for moment, as if in prayer. Thank God he is staying.

Though after she leaves the room, an angry Steve throws the newspaper at the door. He is not happy at the prospect.

Emma had taken 3 things from Steve, as she'd gone through his suit and pants when he was sleeping in the store room that first day: his wallet; a letter-sized envelope with a paper in it, with Barney Lubin's signature on it; and Steve's handgun.

Next day, Eliot Ness and Enrico Rossi drive into town; they drive very slowly and politely, and stop by Emma's diner.

Wally Jater, with orders from Thornton to find Steve (and Thornton has put up a $5,000 reward), drives into Five Points like a wild man, almost running over a flock of geese. No respect.

Meeting with Ness, Emma is wearing the same clothes she had on the other day, including that light brown belt that looks like a large Boy Scouts belt, the end of which hangs sloppily to the left side. Ness gives her his card, saying she can "reverse the charges" since Chicago, 71 miles away, is a long distance call.

Social Eliot stops for a second to look at the raccoon in her cage, and quips, "Didn't know raccoons made good pets."

"They don't," Emma replies. She just keeps wild things that she likes, whether the animals or men like it or not.

(Emma thinks to herself, "that handsome Eliot Ness, and that good-looking Italian Enrico Rossi. So many gorgeous men.") She is not used to seeing men dressed in nice suits, and on a weekday yet. They look nicer than the local men in their Sunday go-to-meetin' clothes. Seeing these handsome men, she is in heaven. Emma is positively smiling as she walks into the back room to see Steve.

Emma is pleased that she fooled the Feds so easily, they didn't even search her place.

Steve is very nervous, he wants to leave. Says he has to get back to Chicago to take care of a few things.

Emma tells him he must stay at least a week or more. That should give her plenty of time to get Steve to fall in love with her. And then she spills her real plan. She says, "Comes a dark night," (that would be 2 weeks from now-- today is Wednesday, July 5, and there will be a full moon tonight), "I sneak you out of here. And the next day I bring you back, say from Springfield, maybe." Her blue eyes are staring intensely into his. Emma continues, softly, yet oh, so firmly, "You're my cousin Ame." (She means kissing cousins-- and for country folk, they usually marry their cousins!) She goes on, "You're coming down here to work for me. Ain't nobody gonna guess. You stay with me... for the rest of your life."

Steve looks tired. He has a 2-day growth of beard. He can not fight her, as he might like, not under these conditions. "You've got everything figured out, haven't you?" is all he can say in way of protest.

A man he could fight, even stick with a shiv. But how does he fight a woman? Especially THIS determined woman who has made up her mind.

Still looking him straight in the eyes, letting him know he has no choice at all, Emma says softly, "Me... or the police. Take your pick." As if to rub it in, she adds, "Walk out... anytime you like," as she heads out the door. And she runs right into Wally Jater (unlike Ness, who didn't ask to snoop around, Jater just barged in).

Wally Jater takes out his gun. He tells Country Boy he is going to take him back to Chicago, where he will be rubbed out.

Steve vainly protests, "You don't have to kill me, just because I bungled the Joey rub out. Okay, I got caught, but I wasn't gonna squeal to Ness. Honest! That's the only reason Thornton turned on me, he thought I was gonna sing. Thornton's my pal. Thornton will tell ya--"

Jater yells, "You idiot! Thornton gave me the order to kill you 2 days BEFORE he even sent you on the Joey job! As soon as you said you were gonna retire, you'd signed your own death warrant. Nobody walks out on the mob-- never! You were living on borrowed time. Thornton only let you live a couple more days, so he could kill 2 birds with one stone: have you rub out Joey, and then we were gonna make it look like one of Joey's pals killed you!"

Steve couldn't believe it. All this time, he thought the boys in the mob were his pals. They got along. He did jobs for them. They all made good money. And now, he was going to be rubbed out!

There is a loud bang, as a gunshot roars through the still air like thunder. Emma, who had sneaked up quietly behind Jater, had just shot him in the back with Steve's handgun. ("Lord help me," Emma thinks to herself, "I just killed a man.") For a time she stands there, eyes wide as saucers, mouth open. She has shocked herself-- what she will do to keep her man. She realizes she will do anything! Recovering, Emma says, "Too bad... he tried to hold me up." She realizes, her being a woman, and everyone in town knows her, and an armed stranger breaks into her store, nobody would think of pressing charges against her. The shock of having killed a man quickly disappeared as she realizes, she will get away with it scot free! Indeed, the shooting would become a local sensation.

The next day, as a crowd of truckers and locals milled around, Emma gave her "story" to her friend, policeman Pete. All his asked her is, "Are YOU all right?"

Back in Chicago, Ness' men had been going over Barney Lubin's Bail Bonds office. They found a wire tap. This might prove the connection between Commissioner Thornton and the late Barney, and help Ness nail Thornton. Ness says, "We might not even need Country Parrish." The Feds never had any real interest in arresting Steve, they only wanted the top men.

Meanwhile, in the store room at Five Points, Steve is sweating. He had never seen a woman shoot a man before. Who IS this hellion? Uncharacteristically, Steve is pacing the floor nervously, and has the locked door barricaded, too.

Emma knocks, he lets her in. Emma in a dress! A pretty dress. Stockings with seams up the back; dress shoes. Her hands are folded across her chest, and her fingers play with a necklace, the effect being to draw attention to her bosom. (How easily this body language comes to her; woman's intuition.) She is wearing perfectly applied eye shadow, and a trace of lipstick. Her hair is neatly combed, and on the right side of her head there is a big, pink bow. Her dress is beautiful; bright chartreuse with black outline patterns, making it look like the dress is made up of thousands of flowers. Any man would take one look at her and tell her how beautiful she looks, especially since it was such a transformation: from plain Jane to dressed to the nines.

Steve is so concerned about his own plight, he is blind to it, and just snipes at Emma, "You sure took your time."

(Any other woman would tell him, "Drop dead! After I spent all day getting all fixed up for you!") But Emma will let nothing stop her now. She won't even be fazed, not by his rudeness, not by anything.

As Steve starts to put his suit on, Emma is surprised, and says, "You ain't figurin' to move out NOW."

First she gives him a reason he would understand: somebody would spot him for sure. But she has another reason, of course: she's going to keep him.

Emma doesn't take her eyes off him for a second; his gaze avoids hers completely. Emma has her left hand on her bosom, the fingers close around her heart. She gently puts her right hand on his shoulder.

Steve ignores all the eye contact and body language she is giving, and he straightens his tie, just as cold as he was when Ness was giving him the 3rd degree a few days ago.

Emma says gently, almost whispering in his ear, "We country folks don't go to sleep with the settin' sun no more." Her hand feels his strong shoulder. She almost moans, "too many fun things to do..." She almost feels silly to be throwing herself at him, when he is indifferent to her, so she adds, "I mean, what with the radio and all." ("Damn it!" she thinks to herself, "what does it take to GET to this iceberg of a man?") She loves him with all her heart. His indifference is like a knife in her heart. Her hand is still on his shoulder.

He roughly slaps her hand away.

Her emotional pain is obvious, as Emma says to herself, "Kind of foolish, I guess... gettin' all gussied up."

Steve explodes. He yells at her for stealing his wallet, and his gun which can be traced back to him. The confrontation becomes physical, he throws her around like a rag doll. He yells, "I'm not a lousy, 2-bit country yokel," and adds, "You don't lock a man up like some lousy raccoon!"

Emma yells back, they have nobody but each other. She yells, "When I say 'stay' you stay! You live with that, mister."

With his mighty left arm, Steve gives her a backhand slap across her face that sends her reeling. She doesn't fall, but leans back against the wall. Blood is dripping down from the corner of her lip, and another trickle of blood from her nose. Emma is breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling quickly. "Ain't the first time," she says almost defiantly, "that I been hit in the face." But she finally got a reaction out of him. ("Dear Lord," she thinks to herself, "the physical pain is much easier to take, than the emotional pain of being ignored.")

Steve has a look of remorse on his face.

Emma slowly walks outside, to the pay phone. She has 2 calls to make-- and the 2nd one will be to Eliot Ness.

Country Boy is really nervous now. "What to do, what to do?" he thinks to himself, over and over, as he nervously paces the floor. If he makes a run for it, the Feds will catch him. But if he stays here, he won't be safe either. He had spurned Emma, and he knew that "hell hath no fury as a woman scorned."

He hardly dared look out the window. But when he did, half an hour later, he saw Emma talking to policeman Pete. She had been the first person she called, right after Eliot promised her the $5,000 reward money for turning in Steve Parrish.

"And they're friends!" Steve thinks nervously. Now he is close to despair. She was going to turn him over to the cops. And he didn't even have his gun, not that he could shoot it out with the cops and the Feds anyway-- he'd be outnumbered, they'd shoot him dead for sure. Steve knew he'd be caught and go to jail. Facing a double murder rap, for the killings of Joey Loomis and Barney Lubin. And he wouldn't even have a lawyer-- he'd shot the mob's lawyer, Lubin. He anxiously tried to make the best of a bad situation. Steve thinks to himself: "Joey's killing was premeditated murder, Murder One, which carries 25 years to life…but since there were no witnesses, maybe I could say I didn't mean to kill him in the knife fight, and get it reduced to manslaughter," (even though Joey had no knife to defend himself, so it wasn't a fair fight). As for Barney Lubin, Steve thinks "they'd say that was murder but not premeditated, Murder Two, which carries a sentence of 15 years to life. Maybe I could try to convince the jury that Barney pulled a gun on me first, so it was self-defense, maybe get away with manslaughter, or even just 'reckless endangerment'." Even with time off for good behavior, and parole-- he knew he would be looking at at least 40 years in prison!

He looks out the window again. Emmy was STILL talking to policeman Pete. What were they jawing about for so long? Why didn't they just come in and arrest him, and get it over with? This waiting was pure agony for Steve; he was a wild thing in a cage.

What Steve didn't know is that they were waiting for some others to arrive, Eliot Ness and Thornton, and the drive from Chicago took longer than Pete's jaunt over here. Another state policeman, Danny, pulls up in a policecar. (Five Points was such a small town, they didn't have any local cops; but the state police was always only a phone call away, and some of them, like Pete, were quite familiar with the locals.) Thornton heads down to Five Points.

Eliot Ness meets with Lee Hobson, who gives him the news that the wiretap in Lubin's office was a direct line-- to Thornton's home! News travels fast. Within a few minutes, the alert that Thornton is a crook is relayed to the policemen via a phone call placed to the phone booth outside Emma's diner (policecars didn't have police radios in those days). Emma and Pete huddle again to discuss strategy.

Finally, Thornton drives up to Emma's diner. He has 2 thugs with him; he tells Pete these plainclothesmen are "special deputies." Pete plays it real cool, introduces himself as Pete Garrett, and says another policeman, Danny Capra, is standing watch back of the diner.

Thornton walks over to Emma. She says Steve is in back, and she can get Steve to open up. She knows that Thornton is a crook, but doesn't let on. When she says, "I'll show you," Thornton thinks she means she'll show him where Steve is; she really meant, "I'll show you, you crook!" Emma takes Thornton and his 2 thugs to the back. Emma is betraying somebody, but who?

Emma says, "But first, there's the matter of the $5,000 reward money."

Thornton tries to brush her off, by saying, "You'll get your check."

Emma shoots back, "Mama didn't raise no fool. I want cash. Cash now--or you don't get Steve."

Thornton reluctantly reaches into his suit pocket and pulls out an envelope with $5,000 in bills. Emma counts it first as Thornton stands there impatiently. Satisfied the money is all there, Emma knocks on the door and tells Steve to come out for his supper.

Country Boy opens the door--and sees Thornton with 2 thugs.

Steve yells at her, "You pig! You know who he is?!" and tries to beat her again, but this time one of the thugs hits him over the head from behind with a billy club.

Emma thinks, "How do YOU like being hit in the head?" However, for a moment there is a real look of concern on her face; she prays everything will go as she and Pete planned, in the next few minutes.

As Thornton and his 2 thugs drag the semi-conscious Steve out front, they are met with Pete and Danny, who have their guns drawn. Thornton says he will take it from here. Pete and Danny, knowing Thornton is a big crook (but not letting on they know), insist, "No, sir, this is a matter for the state police." Their guns are pointing at Thornton, and not by accident. Thornton says again he will handle it. Pete is even more insistent he WON'T; Steve is going into the state policecar, and that's that! Thornton, hearing a car coming up and knowing it's Ness, doesn't press the point. Thornton knows that Ness' men, nosing around in the late Barney Lupin's office, might find the wiretap and trace it back to his house. He wants to avoid Ness, and get back to Chicago to remove the wiretap before they find it, while Ness and his men are down here. Thornton has to flee before he is discovered.

Pete and Danny get a hold of Steve, and put him in the back seat of Pete's policecar.

Thornton and his thugs get in their car, and try to make a getaway. Ness' car cuts them off. Ness and Thornton get out of their cars, and Ness yells at him the news that puts Thornton in despair-- he's discovered the wiretap, and is going to arrest him!

Since this is Five Points, Thornton and the thugs try to escape down another street, but there is a roadblock put up by 2 cars-- one with Enrico Rossi, the other with Lee Hobson in it.

Thornton and his thugs try to make a run for it, and then do something incredibly stupid-- they try to shoot it out with Ness and the Feds.

Eliot even has William Youngfellow and Jack Rossman with him. Thornton and his 2 thugs go down in a hail of bullets, all 3 are dead. Neither Ness nor any of his men have so much as a scratch on them.

A stray bullet had hit one of Emma's gas pumps, which exploded in a ball of fire, and set off the other gas tank, too. Lee Hobson puts out the fires with a fire extinguisher; Enrico Rossi uses a shovel to heap dirt on the burning gasoline on the ground, putting out the fire.

Lee notices the dead raccoon, a victim of smoke inhalation, and gives his condolences to Emma, "I'm sorry about the raccoon, ma'am. Afraid he's dead."

"It don't matter," Emma says with tears in her eyes, "he never was much of a pet." She sobs a moment for her old friend. But then she has consolation-- she's got herself a MAN, now.

Eliot and his men drive back to Chicago.

Steve Parrish, in handcuffs, is in the back seat of Pete's policecar. Pete shakes hands with Danny, and thanks him for his help. Pete tells Danny, "You'll get a promotion for this." Danny drives off in his car. Officer Pete gets into the policecar, and Emma walks over, and gets in, on the passenger side.

Steve starts talking up a storm, pleading innocent, etc. Pete and Emma don't say a word. Pete starts driving up to Chicago. Once they get to the main road, Pete starts driving 50 mph.

It is Thursday, July 6, and there is a beautiful full moon that night, like last night.

Steve talks and talks until his throat is dry. Pete and Emma don't say a word. Finally, when they are 30 miles from Five Points, they start laughing-- like 2 little kids that got away with something. "Ha!" Emma says to Pete, "this is gonna work." They both laugh some more.

Steve gets sore. "Hey, what are you 2 jackals laughing about? It's bad enough you turned me in, you Delilah, but ya don't have to laugh about it like a laughing hyena!"

Emma was looking at Pete the whole time; Pete takes his eyes off the road just long enough to look into Emma's face, and they both laugh again.

Steve is livid. "You know what's gonna happen to me in Chicago?!"

Emma says, "You're gonna get 30 days in the electric chair."

Steve: "I don't find that funny at all!"

Emma starts to let Steve in on her plan. "This is working out better than I thought. I got $5,000 cash money here in my purse. That's more than I made at the diner in 2 years. And now, with Thornton dead, I'm gonna collect that bond money that the Feds confiscated." She turns her head to look at Steve in the back seat, "Remember, you jumped bail. But the bail money will be returned when I deliver you: DEAD or alive!"

Steve's face turns ghostly white. "You-- you're-- you-all ain't gonna KILL me, are ya?"

Emma and Pete don't make a sound.

Steve protests, "For cryin' out loud, you're a cop-- you're the LAW!"

Pete and Emma laugh loud and long.

Emma continues, "Just think, in one night, I get $5,000 cash PLUS $100,000 bail money."

Steve protests, "But I'll be rottin' in jail for the rest of my life!"

Pete asks Emma, "Do you think he's suffered enough for slapping you in the face?"

Emma looks at Steve, with the look of a lost puppy on his face, pleading for mercy. Emma says slowly, though not too convincingly, "Yeah, I guess the old goat's suffered enough. Tell him."

Pete keeps one eye on the road, and looks at Steve in the rear view mirror. "You're NOT wanted anymore. There is no evidence connecting you to Joey Loomis' killing, they never found the knife. In fact, there NEVER was any direct evidence connecting you to Barney Lubin's killing, either. Your fingerprints on the steering wheel only show you drove the car at some time, nothing more. You're a free man."

"You see," says Emma, "you're not wanted by the law. The only person knows you killed those two is me, because you confessed to me."

Pete says quickly, "I didn't hear that. I don't know anything."

Emma goes on, "I figure, Pete can drive us up to Chicago, and we take you to the police station to collect the $100,000 bail money. Nobody else is gonna claim it. Barney Lubin's dead, and so is Thornton."

Steve starts, "But how can you--"

Emma: "Don't interrupt. Just sit there quiet, and look pretty. Now, when I first found you laid out sleepin' in the store room, I took your gun, your wallet... and this envelope I found." She takes out the paper, "seems you must have lifted it from Barney. It's the bail paper, saying $100,000 is payable on demand, when you are presented dead or alive. Well, I'm presenting you and demandin' the money. On demand it TIS!"

Steve: "And then what?"

Emma: "And then, you're a free man."

Steve: "Really?"

Emma: "Well, free as far as the LAW is concerned. But you're not free of me."

Steve: "What do you propose?"

Emma: "That's exactly what I'm doin'-- proposing. I'm the only one that could testify against you, in a court of law, that you confessed to me you killed Joey Loomis and Barney Lubin. But, the law says," and here Emma pauses, and looks him long in the eyes, then adds softly, "a wife can't be forced to testify ag'in her husband!"

Steve: "Oh, gee... so... so..."

Emma: "So it's jail-- or me!"

They couldn't have done the next part without Pete. They drove up to the police station in Chicago. Patrolman Pete, in uniform and with his badge, escorted Steve Parrish (still in handcuffs) to the night officer on duty, Emma was with them. The night officer looked at the bond paper, and the very bedraggled Steve Parrish, and handed over the envelope with $100,000 cash in it.

The 3 walk outside before Emma and Pete laugh again. They'd pulled it off. Emma wasn't really entitled to the money, but neither Lubin nor Thornton were going to protest!

On the sidewalk, Emma turns to Pete and says, "I always loved you, Pete. I was gonna ask you to marry me, but now I got Steve."

Pete gives her a hug, "You've been great, Emmy. But I guess now I'll ask Louise to get hitched."

Emma asks, "Where you gonna live?

Pete says, "I'd like to get us a house. Hard to do on a patrolman's salary. I only make 30 bucks a week."

Emma says softly, "That's about $1,500 a year." She reaches into her purse, with the 2 envelopes of money. "Here's $3,000-- that's 2 years' salary. Buy a nice house. My honeymoon present to you and Louise." Pete hugs her again, and tells her to be sure to come to the wedding.

Then Pete drives off in his police car.

Emma says to Steve, "We have over $100,000 left. I never made more than 2 grand a year with my diner and gas pumps." Then she looks him in the eyes again, and asks, "So, you never did answer my question. Do we get hitched?"

Steve doesn't have to think about it. He knows that he will get married sooner or later, there's no getting around that. And Emma is more woman than he's ever met before. "Yeah," Steve says, "yeah-- we're gettin' hitched."

The next morning, Friday, Steve and Emma got married by a Justice of the Peace in Chicago. The first words Emma said, after saying "I do," were, "I'm MRS. Parrish."

They went on a shopping spree. Emma had only been to Chicago, "the big city," a half dozen times in her whole life. They bought her a nice wardrobe of big city clothes, and vowed she'd throw away every tomboy piece of clothing she owned. Steve needed some new suits, too.

As they drove to Steve's farm, in the new 1933 car they bought, Emma asked, "Do you really want to be a farmer?"

Steve, basking in his newfound wealth, says, "I own the farm, but I can hire workers to run it. I always wanted to be a GENTLEMAN farmer." And with that, Steve kept one hand on the steering wheel, and with his other took out a big cigar. He bit off the end, and spit it out the window.

And Mrs. Parrish leaned over and lit the cigar for him, giving him a big kiss on the cheek. Steve smiled as he took big puffs on his cigar.


They got married on Friday, July 7, 1933. Let's look in on them, 30 years later. It is now Thursday, April 11, 1963. There is a full moon tonight. Steve and Emma have been married almost 30 years. They have 5 kids, and 8 grandkids. Today they all had a big family reunion, it was a most wonderful day. Around sunset, all the adult sons and daughters gathered up their young 'uns, and said "so long" to Steve and Emmy. The proud grandparents waved as their big, happy family drove off in 5 cars. They'd all be back again in 3 days for Easter Sunday, April 14, for another family reunion.

Steve plops down on the couch. "That was the PERFECT day," he says contentedly, with a big smile on his face from ear to ear.

"Well," says Emmy, as she slides next to him on the couch, on his left side, "there is one way to make this the perfect ending to the perfect day."

"What's that?" asks Steve naively. He was still the same simple, loveable country boy.

Emmy puts her right arm around his shoulders, puts her left hand on his knee, and whispers sweetly in his ear, "We country folks don't go to sleep with the setting sun anymore, too many fun things to do... and I DON'T mean watch television."

"Mama mia!" Steve lets out, as Emmy smothers his mouth with a long, wet kiss, pulls her knees up on the couch, then bends him backwards and sideways until he is horizontal on the couch. Then she unbuttons his shirt quickly.

Steve only mumbles, "You sure are passionate tonight..."

"Oh my!" was the last thing Steve said as Mary kissed him again, and was all over him like a blanket.

In the background, the TV was showing some program... the Twilight Zone on CBS. On TV, Mr. Feathersmith was saying, "I've got everything there is to get-- and I'm still hungry."

Emma says, "I've got everything there is to get-- and I'm completely satisfied." >sigh<



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