One of those words you only hear in pornographic magazines. I mean, if it carried no other resonance apart from 'distance across', you'd hear people say, 'Look at the girth of this lake', or 'Ian Wright's played the entire girth of the pitch'. But you don't - You only hear Belinda Box say, 'And it wasn't just the length, it was the girth as well! I knew I was in for a treat as I slipped the waistband of his briefs down, over, across and a couple of yards to the left, etc., etc.
So really the Oxford Encyclopedia Dictionary definition should read : 'distance across (your knob)'.

Should have bought some thicker toilet paper

1. Type of chocolate biscuit.
2. Model of car.
3. Game played by Russ Abbott, Ronnie Corbett, Jimmy Tarbuck and other luminaries of showbiz.
Golf's invention is attributed to the Scots, who needed a game which a) didn't require a flat surface, and b) didn't have to be cancelled if deer were wandering about the pitch. One thing to remember about golf is that a golf club is potentially a lethal weapon, and that swinging them around can cause serious injuries.

Government Information Films
Covering such fascinating subjects as smoking in bed, swimming when the red flag is flying and the dangers of overtaking on motorways, all these films have one thing in common: they were all made in the 1960's and have not been updated. All the men have Engelbert Humperdinck sideburns and wear tanktops; all policemen ride bicycles; and everybody drives the Austin 1100, which is presumably why overtaking on motorways was so dangerous. As a result of their age these films have largely lost their impact, to the extent that the natural reaction of anyone watching the film where the bloke falls asleep while smoking and his fag burns the bed, his room and his house to a pile of smouldering ashes, tends to be, 'Well anyone with a haircut like that deserves it quite frankly.'
The effectiveness of these films is also somewhat reduced by the fact that they are only watched by pissed people desperate for something to do after the late film has finished. After eight pints even a film about a chip pan fire can seem like great television and it is for these people that the announcer always says 'That was a Government Information film', just in case they thought it was the winner of the Palme D'Or at the Cannes Film Festival.
Possibly the most famous Government Information Film is 'Kerb Drill' (look right, look left, look right again and if nothing is coming you obviously don't live in London). In the 1960's this was deemed too simple and was replaced with the Green Cross Code which was immediately to conflict with another Government campaign. One minute you'd be watching a film telling children not to talk to strangers, the next minute two children would be happily chatting away to a large muscular man in green tights, a green shirt, and an old green curtain offering to help them home from school.

Email: marywhitehouse@hotmail.com