Welcome to the cyberspace LYONHART FUNERAL HOME. No well-stocked mortuary would be without this stuff!
You need a body bag. The corpse isn't just walkin' in.
What we've got here is: The I Ain't Waitin' Anymore Body Bag
(Model NO.DP-1E)
133" Plastic Zipper (Heavy Duty), 6# Weight,
83" x 27" envelope opening!.
It will hold over 300 lbs.
It's impervious to blood, body fats, etc. But, are you? Of course not. So before you
start getting a day older and deeper in dead, you'll need...
Banish
Deodorant Powder
You can't just shove one of those little pine tree-shaped deodorants into the corpse and
expect everything to smell swell. No, you need
Banish Deodorant Powder. It destroys odors cause by
bodily fluids, decay, putrefaction, odorous gases, bad opening acts,
decomposition and blackbirds with sunken eyes.
Come to think of it (and we think of everything), another good product is San Veino! It will DISINFECT DEODORIZE and CONTROL Putrefaction in Extreme Body Conditions. It prevents tissue gas, too! But it won't help if you get gas from eating at Taco Bell, senorita. (But don't worry, it'll all be over soon.)
Primer:
This is the drainage chemical of all drainage chemicals. Primer will remove clots, and drugs that can be found in most bodies even though they may not have been hospitalized prior to death. With PRIMER the vascular system is properly prepared to accept the arterial chemical. Don't let a corpse Slip Away without it. But there I go, thinkin' about a corpse again...
A Triple-Base Fluid,it counteracts the clotting effects of modern drugs, if your corpse is an exception to the rule. Exclusive Incarnadining Agents and Cosmetic Factors (up to 50% more) in its formulation achieve unsurpassed cosmetic effect and life-like color.
Now you're probably singing to yourself, "When Do We Begin?"
TROCAR! DON'T FORGET YOUR TROCAR!
Hmmm...you probably are getting sick already. If you'd like to go out to the waiting room, go ahead. Read one of our slightly dated magazines.
Some funeral parlors used to give out lucky souvenirs to those who visited. Like... a lucky coin! Now let's take a look at the final supply you'll need. Yes, after you shut that coffin door...
Click here for the clicker.
Now you might want to visit... The Lyonhart Funeral Home "preparation" Room
Click here for the Lyonhart Heroes Hall of Fame
Click here for macabre and odd photos
Click here for the Lyonhart Funeral Home attic
