You Know You're Portuguese If...

1. Your mother's name is Maria something or other.
2. Christmas Eve is much more important than Christmas.
3. Several people in your family are named "Joao" or "Jose".
4. Your mother either cleans houses, babysits, or works in a factory.
5. Your father is... yup... you guessed it... a construction worker... wait, no... maybe a carpenter?
6. Your house is fully equipped with two stoves...(one is in the kitchen downstairs, which your uncle, father, and/or grandpa built) Not to mention you can't use the other kitchen for fear of your mother.
7. You earned over $10,000 for your first communion.
8. To hell with the Turkey and Roast Beef!! X-mas dinner was bacalhau au braz, baby!!!
9. A barbeque does not consist of burgers on the grill... Hello! can you say sardinhas?
10. Your parents own nine houses in Portugal, but complain about "o dinheiro e pouco" back here in North America.
11. You've had your license for a month, but your $20,000 car has been "hooked up" for a year. I'm talking Rims, tints, a system...
12. A wooden spoon equals discipline, or if you ever had to duck so you wouldn't get hit with flying shoes.
13. Your parents anticipate that you marry your first long-term boyfriend/girlfriend.
14. You over tweeze (or shave) your eyebrows...(this applies to both males and females).
15. You try and do the "messy backstreet boy hair" thing, but you just end up looking like every other "chop".
16. Your anthem for the summer of 2000 was "Zombie Nation".
17. Every woman cleans the house on Saturday.
18. When you hear the word "Sagres" you think Beer, not historical marine school.
19. Someone in your family plays the accordion.
20. Going to Portugal involves buying gifts for every person in your 100 member family.
21. Paneleiro is definitely NOT a pot-maker.
22. Nuthin' beats a buttered papo-seco.
23. You've got that annoying "P" on the corner of your windshield (as if we didn't know you were chop already by the car that you drive!).
24. Your weekends as a kid consisted of going to Portuguese school, going to church, watching some religious parade and going to see your grandparents.
25. Redecorating the living room means changing the plastic on the couches...
26. You've been to more weddings this year than you can count on one hand...
27. Your 15 year old brother is allowed to have two girls sleep over, but your 19 year old sister can't go out past 7pm.
28. You have McChicken Sauce packages in your fridge.
29. You notice everyone in your family over in Portugal has a brand new car, but not enough money to come visit you here for a change!
30. You think that 2am is too early to go to bed and that 11am is to early to get out of bed.
31. Anytime you ask your parents for anything, they give you an hour-long lecture starting off with "estes rapazes hoje em dia tem tudo, e nao pensa em trabalar" ("These kids nowadays have everything, and they don't think about working.").
32. When you go to a "Canadian" social, you're always surprised that all there is to eat is cold-cuts.
33. If you are able to know someone else is Portuguese, even from 1/2 a mile away. EG, "See that guy over there? He's so chop!".
34. If you can call yourself "CHOP".
35. Your grandmother tells you look sick because you are too thin.
36. Your parents make you eat 3 servings of dinner at each sitting otherwise they think you don't like the cooking.
37. If your aunt, grandmother or another woman in your family wears black.
38. If you have something in your house with the Galho de Barcelos.
39. If all your neighbours know all about your personal life, even more than yourself.
40. When you get home and you notice all your neighbours are peeking through the windows and marking down at what time you arrived.
41. If all your older relatives keep offering you vegetables and fish as it were gifts or as if you were in need of food.

This list is purely satirical. I am myself of Portuguese descent and find these pretty freakin' funny and mostly true.
Thanks to "JB", "lking1", "portcuban" who emailed me a couple.