I want to express my love and my eternal gratitude to the Lord Jesus Christ, for breathing life into me, for taking my place on the cross, for showing me that there is a heaven, for Guiding me in this life on that path that leads us to Him...
Thank you Jesus for for continuing to knock, patiently waiting for me to open the door to my heart and loving me as I was.
I remember speaking with some "new" friends I met in the crafting circuit, the wife was Mary, her husband Joseph, I didn't make the name connection until I was saved and thought, "how cute." I would talk to Joseph about the inconsistances I saw, like and eye for an eye but thou shall not kill and so forth. Strangely, he always had a response, an answer that I couldn't argue with, mostly because I had never read the Bible, it wasn't encouraged in my church. And besides, I left my church about a year and a half before meeting these folks because of the priest that had baptized my daughter. I read it in the local paper one morning, Priest charged for 3rd offense for molesting children, third church. I was outraged! How could God allow a man that was wearing the robes to do such a thing! I was blaming God for what man was doing and couldn't see it. I spoke this to my new friends, and Joseph said, "How could I be so deceived that the devil could hide in any man, even one that was in robes." I never thought of it that way, what did he know that I didn't why could he see that and I couldn't?
Joseph asked me at this point if I had a Bible, nope, would you read one if you had it, sure I said, the next day, he dropped by, placed one in my hands and left.
Of course I did like any other book I would read, why should this one be any different, start on page one and away we go! Not so fast Charlie, where did all these people come from in Genesis, how did a serpent talk, etc... I was having more questions and driving Mary and Joseph batty in the process! I am glad the Lord blessed them with patience and understanding...
They told me to go to the book of John, right after Matthew, Mark, Luke in the New Testament, so I did, I thought what difference does it make where you read? Little did I know at the time, I was being set up....
Now to back track a tad for you. When all of this was going on, I was going through tests for a "mysterious disease" that began to manifest in my left hand out of no where. At first they thought it was rhematoid arthritis, then ankelosing spondilitis, then Crohn's Disease... the diagnosis was progressively becoming worse with each checkup and investigation! I also suffered a car accident years ago and had arthritis in my spine. I was happily married, 4 children, and a stay at home Mom with a craft business that was doing quite well. Yet under it all was a childhood that if you could fit the word abuse to behind any form of it, I was a survivor, physical, emotional, sexual, I had gone through it all, been through the "therapies" and just gave up on ever getting anywhere other than where I was. I was not down and out, didn't do drugs or drink, I just had swollowed all that pain and from time to time, the dysfunctions resulting from it all would arrise. I would have problems emotionally coping with others and if someone wronged me, I felt I had to go to the ends of the earth to get it resolved. I could call my sister-in-law and she would answer the phone, say in less then a welcoming voice, for two or three days I would run myself through a gambit of emotions, "what did I do, I upset her etc..." to the point that I would call her saying how sorry I was I had upset her, and she had no clue what I was talking about... I didn't deal well with rejection, afterall, I was conceived by a rape, given up, then taken back and was raised in a "dysfuntional family" by my grandparents... but God made sure I had a rock to go to, my grandfather, he was my world until I was 21 and he left me... I did the bar scene, drug scene and the fast paced life in the big city, modelling and living out the "high" life. I had legally left home at the age of 15 and dropped out school and lived with my 16 year old boyfriend, it didn't take long till I had smothered that relationship and destroyed it beyond repair through manipulation and control resulting from my insecurities. I thought love lasted forever... human love I discovered was conditional and had many varibles.
One Saturday morning, I attended a woman's breakfast meeting in the basement of a local church, Mary invited me, much to her surprise I had accepted. I noticed a few things, all this women had great skin and were nuts! Yep, that was what I thought, they were all a little too happy and I figured they must all be on the same drugs or need them changed, they were like Stepford wives, I thought to myself. I had never seen people like this before, it did feel strange, yet desirable too. That day, they were all singing songs to the Lord and I thought neat, they all know all these songs, then I saw the overhead projector and decided I can sing too. It was strange, I felt like crying, yet there was nothing to cry about, so I had this internal war, and I won, no tears.
At the end of the breakfast, they asked if anyone wanted to receive Christ, that no one was looking around, all heads were bowed, eyes closed, except for me, I was looking right at the lady speaking, Valerie and she was looking right at me too, yet I could not raise my hand, my arm was like lead weight. I knew she knew I wanted to, but I couldn't... I wasn't prepared for what happened the next day...
It was Superbowl Sunday 1998 January 25th, I had just finished a shower and was preparing to go to my mother and father-in-laws for an early dinner but, I only had a few pages left to read of the book of John, so I sat at the kitchen table and decided to finish it first. As I was reading about what they did to Jesus, the torture, and on the way to the place called Calvary Hill, I began to cry, first a single tear, then to the point where I could barely see the page in front of me... I thought it was a tad odd, but it felt perfectly natural and I read on... I reached the point where Jesus committed His soul, His spirit unto God and I was sobbing by this point. Then it happened... for the first time ever, Jesus was real to me, and so was God, I saw the Father's heart for the first time ever in my life, even though, I had heard the story of the cross, stared at the stained glass windows in amazement at chruch as a child, I never understood the truth of the cross until that moment in time. God opened my eyes, my heart and my understanding, all that was left was to open my mouth, and I did.
The words flowed like a song that was written on my heart, it went something like this... Lord Father God, forgive me for not seeing what was there all along, forgive me for being so ignorant, for not seeing what you went through for me, forgive me Lord, I am a wretched sinner and I need you Lord. I am sorry God, I never saw what you went through until now, Jesus I love you... I have made such a mess out of my life... I continued to weep for what seemed like a while, and my husband entered the room and was concerned. I told him it was strange, but I felt wonderful, great infact and I had no answer as to why.
I was lead to a church by God and gave all my past, all the garbage and sin up to Him at the altar, He took it all and cleansed me of it. He walked me from room to room in my house, and together we opened the curtains and let the light in, we open the windows and the fresh air came in and all the things that were broken, He fixed and we cleaned up all the mess that was inside. He had the keys to every room, all the past pains, hurts, disappointments, bondage and burdens from the occult as well. There is nothing that Jesus can not cleanse you of, or set you free from. I was led to call ever person I knew, and ask for forgiveness, and give it too. Somethings didn't make sense, but God asked me to do it and I sat in obedience to Him and I was rewarded for that obedience, it set me free in a way I can not totally explain.
This was my "awakening" to having invited Christ into my life. The Lord took me back in time one day, no lol!! Not litterally, but I saw myself at the age of about 3, laying in bed, I assume to sleep. I have no memory of what was happening at the time, but I guess it wasn't good. What the Lord showed me was me, at the age of 3, asking Jesus, "Jesus, if you are really real, help me." I don't know why I was saying this at the time, but I know from other memories, which are now nothing more then a slide projector show, my childhood, youth and young adult life were troubled times before Jesus fully manifested and harvested that seed. He was there all the time, I can honestly look back in my life and see many many of the places that He was right there, guiding me, my choices etc... to keep me from harm or further harm in some cases. I am eternally grateful.
We all know the Lord's Prayer, but how many of us have actually sat down and read those words and thought about what they say? How we need the bread from the Father, spiritual bread everyday, only available through prayer. How we are to forgive those with trespasses against us, so God can forgive our sins, that is what a trespass is, it is when we hurt or do to another... read the prayer again for yourself.
I am a new person today as a result of the work of the Holy Spirit in my life. Praise the Lord! Thank you Jesus! And I have been totally healed of all diseases that once aflicted me, it has been wonderful to sleep for more than 4 hours in a bed at a time, thank you Jesus! If you were to do as I did and ask the people closest to me what happened, for example, I asked my sister-in-law after I was saved about 6 months, what it meant to her, me being "saved and born again"... She said, "you don't walk the same, talk the same, look the same and based on what comes out of your mouth, you don't think the same." My Aunt's response, she was happy for me, that she could see for the first time in my life, I was at peace and totally happy and contented... And I am, I am free totally and completely, I am in this world, but not of this world any longer. Just passin' through...
I know that is a strange statement, but it is true, you see things much differently than ever before and you truly are born again from Heaven above. You do learn a new language, how to walk all over again, and you are born into the family of God, with Him as your Father. And you KNOW you are heaven bound, not that you hope you are. Want to know for sure, go back and read page one, and see what it says there about us without Christ. Then if you already consider yourself a Christian, look up the word in the dictionary, it says a Christ follower, walking in the ways of Christ, are you?
I have been in a romance is the best way I know how to describe it, a relationship with Christ since then, and it has been wonderful! You have difficulties, but you have the word of God to help you rise above them and an advicate to guide you through the rough times. Being a Christian is not for whimps I have learned to say, just look at some that were there before us, especially Christ, He is the light that makes and guides the way through the darkness for all of us... Amen and Thank you Jesus, praise and honor and Glory to the lamb that takes away the sins of the world, Amen!
If you want to know the truth of the cross, I have a web page that will help you. I will warn you, it has horrific and graphic details, but it is the truth based on the word of God. May the Lord guide you and lead you to all truth, may He be the light in the darkness for you too, and don't let anyone tell you, not even the thoughts you may have that Jesus could never forgive what you have done, that you are too far gone. That is a lie! God is no respecter of persons, and He loves you. There is no measure to sin, we are all lost since birth and now I am found.... thank you Jesus! Amen.
Have a listen to the words Amazing Grace, it will help you to understand Grace which is the covenant we live under now, saved by grace, God's amazing Grace...
God is no respecter of persons, He tells us that in the word... If you think you could never be forgiven, that your past is just too horrific... you are wrong. All sins can be washed away and you can live in the Amazing Covenant of Grace too...
Amazing grace! How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found; was blind, but now I see.
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear. the hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come;
'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me, His Word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be, as long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, and mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the veil, a life of joy and peace.
The world shall soon dissolve like snow, the sun refuse to shine;
But God, who called me here below, shall be forever mine.
When we've been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God's praise than when we'd first begun.
LINK FOR THE TRUTH OF THE CROSS
