Signs Your Windows 98 System is About to Crash

The monitor is spinning 360, the floppy drive is spewing pea soup and the speakers are growling, "Your Mother codes blocks that fail!"

"Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do..."

You learn Bill Gates' monthly check to Beelzebub was returned for insufficient postage.

The White House phones to say Al Gore is coming over to survey the damage.

Your Palm Pilot starts shouting "Mayday! Mayday!"

As the screen flickers, a Scottish voice screams, "Cap'n! She needs more RAM! She's breakin' up, Sir!"

Tiny hoodlum appears on the screen and offers to sell you "MS Protection" for a modest fee.

First time you've ever seen that "Happy Mac With A Chainsaw" icon.

Bill Gates climbs out of a black helicopter in your back yard and offers you a cool million to keep your big mouth shut.

You hear rumors of a new virus cunningly disguised as an e-mail message entitled, "Top5 - 4/27/98 - Signs WIN98 Will Crash."

That flying window screensaver just morphed into a flaming Hindenburg.

Knowing the procedure for vermin aboard a sinking ship, your mouse just high-tailed it into the other room.

That tiny iceberg icon is getting larger by the minute.

Your screensaver shows a little man committing suicide by sticking a screwdriver in a flying toaster.

Before you can install more of the Professor's coconut shell RAM, Gilligan decides to play minesweeper.

An air bag deploys from your monitor and smacks you in the face.