Diary of an AOL user
Diary of an AOL user
I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is the best online service I can get. They even
included a free disk! I'd better hold onto it incase they don't ever send me anther one! I can't connect. I
don't know what is wrong.
Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I don't see why. He's just
trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?
I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm
I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old next door did it for me. But it still don't work.
I can't get online.
That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he
was a prodigy. But he says that's just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does
these services for people. Anyway he's smarter then the jerks who sold me the modem. They didn't even
tell me about communications software. Bet they didn't know. And why do they put two telephone jack
holes in the back of a modem when you only need one? And why do they have one labeled phone when
you are not suppose to hook it to the phone jack on the wall? I thought the dial tone sounded funny! Boy,
are modem makers dumb! But the kid figured it out by the sound.
What's the internet? I thought I was on America Online. Not this internet thing. I'm confused.
The nine year old kid next door showed me how to use this America Online stuff. I told him he must be a
genius. He says that he is compared to me. Maybe he's not so modest after all.
I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer but nothing happened. Maybe I need to buy a
I found this thing called usenet. I got out of it because I'm connected to America Online not usenet.
These people in this usenet thing keep using capital letters. How do they do that? I never figured out how
to type capital letters. Maybe they have a different type of keyboard.
I CALLED THE COMPUTER MAKER I BOUGHT IT FROM TO COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT HAVING A
CAPITOL LETTER KEY. THE TECH SUPPORT GUY SAID IT WAS THIS CAPS LOCK KEY. WHY
DIDN'T THEY SPELL IT OUT? I TOLD HIM I GOT A CHEAP KEYBOARD AND WANTED A BETTER
ONE. AND ONE OF MY SHIFT KEYS ISNT THE SAME SIZE AS THE OTHER. HE SAID THATS A
STANDARD. I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T WANT A STANDARD KEYBOARD BUT ANOTHER BRAND. I MUST
HAVE HAD AN IMPORTANT COMPLAINT BECAUSE I HEARD HIM TELL THE OTHER SUPPORT
GUYS TO LISTEN IN ON OUR CONVERSATION.
I FOUND THIS THING CALLED THE USENET ORACLE. IT SAYS THAT IT CAN ANSWER ANY
QUESTIONS I ASK IT. I SENT IT 44 SEPARATE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE INTERNET. I HOPE IT
I FOUND A GROUP CALLED REC.HUMOR. I DECIDED TO POST THIS JOKE ABOUT THE CHICKEN
THAT CROSSED THE ROAD. TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! HA! HA! I WASNT SURE I POSTED IT
RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 56 MORE TIMES.
I KEEP HEARING ABOUT THE WORLD WIDE WEB. I DON'T NOW SPIDERS GREW THAT LARGE.
THE ORACLE RESPONDED TO MY QUESTIONS TODAY. GEEZ IT WAS RUDE. I WAS SO ANGRY
THAT I POSTED AN ANGRY MESSAGE ABOUT IT TO REC.HUMOR.ORACLE. I WASNT SURE IF I
POSTED RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 22 MORE TIMES.
SOMEONE TOLD ME TO READ THE FAQ. GEEZ THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO USE PROFANITY.
SOMEONE ELSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHOUTING IN ALL MY MESSAGES. WHAT A STUPID JERK.
IM NOT SHOUTING! IM NOT EVEN TALKING! JUST TYPING! HOW CAN THEY LET THESE RUDE
JERKS GO ON THE INTERNET?
Why have a Caps Lock key if you're not suppose to use it? Its probably an extra feature that costs more
I just read this post called make money fast. I'm so excited. I'm going to make lots of money. I followed
his instructions and posted it to every newsgroup I could find.
I just made my signature file. Its only 6 pages long. I will have to work on it some more.
I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a few posts and I really believe that aol should be
wiped off the face of the earth. I wonder what an aol is.
I was asking where to find some information about something. Some guy told me to check out
ftp.netcom.com. I've looked and looked but I can't find that group.
I sent a post to every usenet group on the Internet asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. hopefully
someone will help. I cant ask the kid next door. His parents said that when he comes back from my
house he's laughing so hard he can't eat or sleep or do his homework. So they wont let him come over
anymore. I do have a great sense of humor. I don't know why the rec.humor group didn't like my chicken
joke. Maybe they only like dirty stuff. Some people sent me posts about my 56 posts of the joke and
they used bad words.
I sent another post to every usenet group on the Internet asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. I had
forgot yesterday to include my new signature file which is only 8 pages long. I know everyone will want
to read my favorite poem so I included it. I'm also going to add that short story I like.
Some guy suspended my account because of what I was doing. I told him I don't have an account at his
bank. He's so dumb.