One day, teen heartthrob Leonardo DiCaprio was walking along the streets of Hollywood, feeling very terrible. He was having a bad day, and usually picking up 14 year old prostitutes cheered him up, but not today. Today he wanted something more macho, more masculine. He thought of his mother. "Nah, too masculine," he thought. He wanted something along the lines of a ‘girlie man’.
That same day, another teen heartthrob was doing some thinking. He goes by the name of Jonathan Taylor Thomas. JTT too wanted something more out of his pathetic life. He wanted someone special, someone he could relate with. Now, since he had just revealed that he was gay to the world, he wasn’t quite used to having men throw themselves on him. He was used to 15 year old chicks. So, he decided that he wanted a guy who looked like a 15 year old girl. "I’ve got it!!!" Leo and JTT both yelled at the same time, even though on opposite sides of Hollywood.
That whole day, Leo and JTT searched for each other throughout the city of Hollywood. But, neither could find the other one. Dejected, they both went home. Leo to his 20 Sq. Foot Oven box, fit for a king. And JTT to his little Penthouse above a transvestite dance club.
"Ahhh, nothing like box sweet box," Leo said as he kissed his mother and his pet rat Erwin hello. Leo then went to his corner of the box and stripped off all his clothes and proceeded to spread green jelly all over his naked body.
"Leo, I wished you wouldn’t spend all your money on green jelly, its a waste...why can’t you be a normal crackhead like me, your father and all the rest of the stars here in Tinsel Town?" Leo’s mother asked.
"Oh I am a crackhead," Leo said as he snorted up a line, "I just think green jelly is sexy!"
Leo’s mother frowned and thought that maybe drinking and doing drugs while pregnant can cause mental difficulties in children.
Meanwhile, JTT had just arrived home. JTT walked in and couldn’t help but join in the conga line that was forming before his eyes. After about a half of an hour of dancing with his favorite transvestite, ‘Cocoa’, he thought of his only possible love, Leonardo DiCaprio! JTT walked upstairs and flopped down on his Pink Satin sheet covered bed and took a short nap. When he awoke, he went over to his dresser and put on a bunch of makeup and then did impressions of Marilyn Monroe in the mirror.
The next day, JTT and Leo went out searching for each other again, but this time they found each other. Walking down Sunset Boulevard, Leo looked up and saw his only possible love. At the same time, that Leo had seen JTT, JTT saw Leo.
"LEO!!!!" JTT screamed.
"JONATHAN!!!!!" Leo screamed.
They both ran towards each other and hugged tightly for about 6 hours. After their embrace was done, it was nighttime and all the weirdoes were out. But this didn’t bother the new couple, they walked happily around town until they found Leo’s crack dealer. They each bought an ounce and went home to Leo’s box to celebrate.
The next morning both Leo and JTT were very sore and tired. Not to mention feeling like crap as a result of all the crack that they had smoked. JTT and Leo both decided that there wasn’t enough room in the box for all three of them and that Leo would have to move to JTT’s penthouse. Leo was a bit hesitant to move out and leave his mother all alone, but she assured him that her loving pimp would take care of her. Leo packed up his makeup and clothes and went with JTT.
Both were silent on the way to their new home together. Again they were doing a lot of thinking. When they walked in the door, Leo blurted out "Jonathan, I want to have a baby!!!"
JTT burst into tears, "That’s wonderful! I do too!! But who will be the surrogate mother? Or will we adopt?"
"What’s ‘surrogate’, mean?" Leo asked.
JTT whipped out a dictionary and looked up ‘surrogate’ and explained it to Leo. You see, JTT wasn’t exactly the manliest man, so had plenty of room to carry a dictionary in his pants (or skirt-whatever he was feelin that day), IF you get my drift!
Leo smiled, "I gotcha covered!" He ripped off his shirt to reveal breasts, without a bra on, of course since the trendiest thing is to go bra-less.
"Leo! Darling! You have Man Boobies!!!!!" JTT cried.
"Yes, yes I do. And I have gotten a total sex change and can now carry children. I want to be the mother of your child!" Leo said.
That night they went to work on producing a child that would most certainly grow up to be one warped individual. After a few days of trying, Leo was now pregnant with their first child!! They were both ecstatic and could never be happier. Their lives were getting better by the second.