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MY JOKES PAGE!!!

Well, I'm always telling jokes to friends etc., so I thought I would share all of the jokes I know with all of you. Aren't I generous? Nah, didn't think so! Hope they're funny enough to make you laugh. Oh, if you have any great jokes, feel free to e-mail them to me, and I'll include them on this page, and give you all the credit for it. ENJOY!!!!

There's a guy and a girl in a car. The guy is driving and the girl is in the passenger seat. The girl says to the guy "every time you go 10km's over the speed limit, I'll take a bit of my clothing off." As soon as she finished saying that, the guy immediately sped up to 120km's/h. She took off her top. 130 km/h. She took off her jeans. 140. 150. By this time, she was sitting in her seat completely naked, and the guy was just staring at her. He lost concentration of the road, they went off the side of the road and crashed into a forest. The guy got stuck in the car, but the girl got flung out through the window. "Go and get some help!" the guy screamed to the girl. "But I can't, I'm completely naked," the girl replied. the guy answered back,"well take this shoe, put it between your legs and go get some help." So the girl took the shoe, put it between her legs and went up to the road to get some help. After a few minutes, a big truck was coming, and she waved the truck driver over. "Help, help, my husband's stuck!" the girl said him. He replied, "well if he's stuck up that far, there's not much I can do!"

Q : What's green and smells like pork?
A : Kermit the frog's finger.

There's a guy and he walks to work every single day. He's feeling a bit weird one day, so he decides to walk to work a different way. So he walks this new way, and he passes a mental institution. As he walks past it, he hears mental people, and they're chanting, "7, 7, 7." He gets really spooked about this, and he can't stop thinking about it all day. So when he has finished work, he decides he's going to find out what's going on. He walks home the same way he came, and he walks past the same mental institution. He hears them still chanting, "7, 7, 7". So he gets a crate from across the road and looks over the wall. One of the mental people grab him by the neck, get a wooden plank, and beat him to death. Then they start chanting again. "8, 8, 8"

Q : What's green, has six legs and when it falls out of a tree, it will kill you?
A : A pool table.

Q : Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A : Because someone threw a fridge at him.

This guy walked into a bar, and said "Ouch!"

This head walked into a bar one night, and sat down at the counter. "Can you get me a drink man?" So the bartender got him a drink. "Can you get me a straw?" So the bartender got him a straw. "Can you put the straw in my mouth?" So the bartender put the straw in his mouth. After finishing his drink, the head said to the bartender, "I want to play darts. Can you get me a dart?" So the bartender got him a dart. "Can you put the dart in my mouth, man?" So the bartender put the dart in his mouth. "Now," the head said. "Can you throw the dartboard at my head!"

There was this nun sitting on a bus, and this guy got on and sat next to her. Then he asked her straight out "would you have sex with me?" The nun got really scared and got off at the next stop. A few stops later, the bus was empty, except for the bus driver and the man. So the busdriver stopper the bus and said to the man "I know how to make the nun have sex with you". "Really?" the man replied. "Yep. Just take this special cape and special powder, go to church on Sunday, put it on then go up to the nun and say "I am god, I will do anything for you, but you must have sex with me first"" "Thanks" the man replied. "Thanks a lot" So the man went to church on Sunday and saw the nun. So he went into the toilet and put on the cape and powder, then tapped the nun on the shoulder and said "Ha ha! I am god and I will do anything for you, but you must have sex with me first!" The nun looked at him and said "O.K., but I prefer anal sex, because I want to keep my virginity" So the two went outside the back of the church and had sex. Just as they finished, the man's powder wore off, so he took off his cape and said "Ha ha, I'm not God, I'm the man from the bus!" Then the nun took off her mask and said "Ha ha! I'm the busdriver!!!"

There was this guy, and he only had one testicle, and everyone called him "one stone" He was getting really annoyed at this nickname, so he thought "the next girl that calls me one stone, I'll root her until she dies" So the next day, he was eating his lunch, and a girl walked past and said "Hi one stone". "Right, that's it!" he responded. So he took the girl behing the school shed and rooted her until she died. He was pleased with himself, thinking that no other girl would ever call him one stone again. A few days later, he was eating his lunch again, and a girl walked past and said "Hi one stone" "Right, that's it!!" he responded angrilly. He took the girl behind the shed, and rooted her and rooted her, and she wouldn't die! He kept doing it for 2 weeks, finally giving up because she wouldn't die.
What's the moral of the story???
You can't kill two birds with one stone.


My "Yo Mama" jokes page.
My "Blonde" jokes page (not meant to offend Melinda *smile*).