Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!

MY MONSTER,MY BATTLE

You would have never thought that it could have happened to me. Well, I've had a rocky time dealing with life in general, that I never payed attention to my weight. Then I became 12.
I had no control over my life, no control over my grades. I discovered that I could actually control the amount of food that I consumed.In my mind, my crush would like me better I'd be popular and life would be great. What a surprise. I lost weight all right, but I was losing my life.
Instead of me controling it, it controled me. I was carring around a calories counter book, and I took comments that people said about me straight to the heart.
I never told my parents and they never found out, becuase my friends stopped it before it killed me. I never did reach my over all weight loss goal. But during that time I went through a time where I felt that turning against people that teased me about my weight would help me lose more of those dreaded pounds.
It didn't. I turned to drugs, alchohol,and smoking to cure my friend problem. My friends threatened to leave me if I didn't get a grip on life, and I'll tell you that that was the hardest decision to make. Should I leave my friend who made everything better and made me skinny, or should I go to people that could embrace me when I was lonley?
I made that choice.This choice came at a price. I tried to become straight.But, I felt lonely and friendless.
I turned to something new, suicide. I hated my self. I was teaching my body real pain. I took pain killers. That was worse than death. I tried rat poison and many other things. We all have turing points in our lives though, that make us change our ways and see how wrong we were. I had told a friend how depressed I was and that I was going to end myself that night. She phoned the police and warned them.If they had come five minutes later, I wouldn't be writing this story right now. It wasn't until I started back up with an eating disorder that I had my turing point. I hadn't been eating, and had been taking double doses of diet pills. I was working out in gym class really hard, when my vision went blurry and I went to the locker room to sit down. By the time they had found me and called my mother, I had gone into convulsions because of the amount of caffene in my system. I didn't think that anyone would care. I was put into intensive care for two days. I phoned my best friend and told him what had happened. The sound he made when I told him what had happened, broke my heart. Because of my selfish endeavours, I had hurt my friends and family. And to me, nothing was worth hurting those people, they were the ones who had believed in me .
Now I still wish sometimes that I had picked the other friend, and the wild parties, drugs alcohol and smoking.The friend that promised me eternal perfection for the cost of throwing out breakfast,lunch and sometimes dinner. The friend that promised me that my crush would like me because of my weight.
But then again, isn't it nice to hug someone? Isn't it nice to talk to someone. Isn't it nice to be able to play MASH with that real live friend? Some things aren't worth losing, like your friends, and your lunch.

VIRTUE by: Emily
Virtue,
The standard excellence,we should all be.
A for a pretty face,
A plus if you fit into your little
sister's clothes
Virtue.
What we teach our children
A if you get toys first,
A plus if it's bought at double the price
Virtue.
The pictures that are the wallpaper to our lives.
A if you haven't eaten this month,
A plus if you don't eat all month.
Virtue.
A if you blelive the virutes.
A plus if you don't
Now, I have a mission. To help every female and every male, who has suffered or is suffering from depression and or Anorexia. Some words of advise, PLEASE seek help. Tell a friend , a parent, even me, if you want. You CAN die from this. You need to tell someone, and get help.
To anyone who needs help or someone to talk to, feel free to leave a message on my dreambook or e-mail me. You will find the guestbooks under my link area. Click "My Main Page."
Read the instrustions there. Keep Well the Road,
Love Emily, THe Author