Friday, 16 June 2006
Things are so fucked up
Now Playing: Clazziquai - My Sweety
The guilt of lying to my dad is crushing me. Why do my parents have to act this way? I'm the only one that talks freely to my dad. Is it because he thinks I don't know? Lying to my dad, pretending I don't know anything. He doesn't know I'm going yet. And when I do tell him near the boarding date, I wonder how he'll react? Anger? Sadness? Would he even care? I can imagine him telling me not to go and wait til next year to go with him.
This whole Cambodia trip, I predict, won't be as exciting as I want it to be. My cousin doesn't really want to go either, only because of the weather. Well now, I for sure know he's not going this year. How did this
My mom thinks I'm on my dad's side, and it's so stupid. What, I can't talk to my dad now? I can't joke around him, defend him a little when my family talks bad of him? I only said, to my mom, "don't say these things in front of me, I don't want to hear it." With that line, she gets mad, and thinks I'm siding with my dad. Everything is so screwed up! I hate this year even more than last year.
There are definately a lot of things I'd do over if I can. One, I would've tried better in highschool so that I can graduate with honors. I really wanted to join CSF, but it was too late. Also, I wanted to take summer school throughout my highschool years. I never did. I would've chose a different highschool altogether. I would've gone to Warren, cuz they didn't have block schedule. But I didn't even know about that school! No one helped me choose. My college would've been Long Beach or Fullerton. How did Cal Poly get in the picture? Seriously. They say you should've regret what you've done, but just go through it and take it as life's lessons. But I've BEEN doing that! I was not regretting it before but now I am! And it's too late. I can't turn back time. There is no way I can cuz it is too impossible.
I wish it wasn't.
Saturday, 10 June 2006
Mood: not sure
Now Playing: uma uma (khmer version)
I just finished my first year of college. I'm still gonna be a freshmen though since I'm a little behind on credits. I was gonna take summer school, and I would've caught up! but things were all confusing this summer. Like, I was originally gonna go to Cambodia with my mom. But then my dad said he's gonna go too. And my mom doesn't want to go if my dad's going, cuz they're in this big fight right now. So big that they're not even speaking to eachother, and I'm not sure if they'll ever make up. I wish they would though. I wish they'd stop acting freakin' childish and just make up already!! GOD! Anyway, that was in the way. Also, because I was planning on getting a job. Getting a job was cancelled because of Cambodia. And so was summer school, even though that didn't hit me until later cuz I really didn't wanna go to summer school at Pomona. It's hot as fuck over there. Anyway, since Cmabodia was somewhat cancelled and going to summer school was definately cancelled (didn't enroll in time and plus, no financial aid), I was gonna for sure get a job. My older sister said they're hiring at Disneyland (aren't they always hiring during summer?) and I was gonna go, but then like a day before that, my mom was like, "Wanna go to Cambodia this summer?" and I'm like, "Uh, sure?" And now my cousin knows and she's excited, cuz of course, she's going with me! Now I'm like, wtf? is this the right choice? I can't even tell my dad yet. Speaking of things going bad, I might be failing my Trig class as well. Ughh...I didn't know like this spring quarter at all!! 2005+2006 has been by far the worse years of my life. (Well, I can't forget 5th grade in Paramount...but what year was that? Oh yeah, and the time we got robbed. Aw fuck.)
Monday, 27 February 2006
Now Playing: Come a Little Closer - Lara
Well let's see...I'm dorming now! And prices are sky high. I need a part-time job or something, but next quarter, I'm taking FOUR classes this time, instead of my usual three. I hope it won't be that stressful. Well yeah, job is needed. I'm short about $1,000, so basically about $300 something each quarter :(
Monday, 2 January 2006
Now Playing: Something that goes "I wanna be the one"
HAPPY NEW YEAR! Wow, it's 2006 already, crazy huh? And I have school tomorrow! UGH! I plan on going to school today so I can look for my classes, but right now I'm being so lazy, :sigh:
My reflection on 2005? Bad, and some good, but mostly BAD BAD BAD. I hope things change this year...
Last year I graduated, so that was good; however there were more bads, mainly because I was suffering through my first quarter of college. So yeah, this year, I'll try to make the best of it. That'll be part of my new year's resolution! I joined a gym also, so hopefully that'll stick to my new year's resolution as well! Hmm, what else...OH! I was so close in getting a dorm; I was number 1 on the list! and I could've gotten my driver's license already (that is, if I pass) but those were last year...hopefully things look up this year =(.
That's it for now! I'm reading fanfictions from soompi.com. One is SUICIDE NOTE. It sounds bad, but it's actually comedy/romance. Cute. It's written by a 14-year-old O_O. Not that it's bad, but she writes better than me! The only thing wrong is that she has spelling grammer mistakes...that's about it...but her plot is great.
OK, really! This is it! BYE!
Monday, 12 December 2005
Now Playing: some techno remix of a song for sailor moon
Ahh, it's been a while. Last night my friend had a party. She wanted a BIG party, but only managed to invite about 25 people. I think she wanted those big house parties though. Anyhow, the party died...because no one showed up! It was sad...really. Only six people showed up, including her boyfriend, and myself. All we did, was sit and talk a little, and listened to music. You would think, "oh, nice kickback." Wrong. It was...awkward...and embarassing at the same time because my friend was the only one that got drunk. She tried to come on every guy in the room, and yeah, every guy backed away. So yeah, ended pretty bad. I ended up trying to get her to sleep, and the guys just chilled and talked in the kitchen. That's about it. Oh, last night, I finished my first bottle of Barcardi. Eh...I'm not doing that again. My brain cells are too precious, especially since I'm in college now.
Monday, 12 September 2005
Now Playing: korean music
Jeez, what is more embarassing than having someone imply that you are stupid. And they're not even related to you. Ugh.
Tuesday, 16 August 2005
Now Playing: smooth criminal - michael jackson [eX tatic 2003 mix]
Today I woke up at nine o' clock AM and was two minutes late, but its all good. Found out one of the workers retired, and that we will be getting two new shelvers next Wednesday. I wonder if one of them is suppose to replace me? I wanted to tell Chris that I may not be able to dorm, and if I can keep my job if that happens...but since I brought upon so many cases, I was afraid to ask, so I wanted to wait and see...but I pray that it works out. Oh yeah, the reason I may not be able to dorm is because I got a letter saying there is no space available right now, and that I'm wait-listed...sigh* So they offered this thing called The Village, which is a bunch of apartments for CPP students only. It sounds nice, but what's the difference between that and dorming? Well so far The Village looks nice, 'cause at least you're only sharing the bathroom with maybe only three other people rather than three other floors. Well, I'm crossing my fingers in hope that The Village accepts financial aid, and that I find a roommate that is willing to let me live with them. I'm just really scared that financial aid doesn't cover that...:(. DAMMIT! So stressful. I really do hope this works out...I NEED it to work out. I do not want to drive all the way to Pomona everyday, Monday through Thursday!! fasldkgadfha;lskrj
I registered for class, but it feels so...unofficial. If only there was some e-mail to confirm it or something. My friend said that usually they mail out your schedules when school is about to start. But what if its too late? Well its already too late, 'cause registration period is already over. And I'm also scared of going to class! I kept asking my friend, who goes to Cerritos CC about how class is and stuff...but is there a difference between junior college and cal state? And plus, Pomona is way farther than where I am, so I could be facing a totally different learning approach. Ah, and to make matters worse, I didn't go school shopping yet! All the sales are going away! NOOOOOOOOOOOO
Posted by oh5/simplexna at 11:13 PM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 16 August 2005 11:19 PM PDT
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Wednesday, 10 August 2005
Now Playing: inuyasha video - girl of your dreams (by m2m)
WoW, I haven't updated in a while. Well lets see, today I drove to Long Beach for the first time! All the way there! and back! ha! ok yeah it was cool, but my dad was confusing me and so of course he's gonna yell a little, but other than that it went fine. I think I did a pretty good job. Then after I came back, I went to the grocery store with my sister and bought stuff. I got hot pockets, which is funny 'cause I was talking about that yesterday with a friend haha. Well right now, I'm talking to another friend who is really helping me get through this college fear. Thank goodness I have her to talk to!
Tuesday, 2 August 2005
Now Playing: Lose Control - Missy E. feat. Ciara and some other people (I forgot their names =T)
I forgot to update yesterday, but yeah, I'm doing it now! Lets see, my dad work me up at like eight something in the morning to take me to go practice driving, but I didn't want to 'cause I was afraid he'd yell/hit me haha. Soo I had him agree that he wouldn't do any of those, then I'd go. He made me drive on the small streets first, then just gave me directions on where to go. Then he was like "ok lets try driving to your school" and I was like O_O what?? Of course I was scared, but I had to anyway since we were already on the street. Drove longer with him than I did with my mom, and I've made more progress. But I must say, that practicing with my mom for those 30 minutes a day was very helpful indeed.
I went to work at 1:00pm (this is still yesterday) and stayed overtime til 8:30pm. There are still ALOT of books to put away. Instead of the usual 15 minute break, I had a 30 minute break. I was kinda hungry, but I didn't know where to go, so I started walking towards the area where Hometown Buffet is, thinking that maybe there was a small little food place there. But then I looked the other way, and saw that Togos wasn't that far, so I walked there instead. Man, I wasted 10 minutes just walking towards Hometown Buffet, when I could've just walked straight to Togos, which was about five minutes away! Well the line wasn't long, and they made my six inch Albacore Tuna sandwich (with everything) in less than two minutes! So that was cool...got my drink and walked straight out 'cause I only had 15 minutes left of my break. I ate outside on the bench instead of in the break room 'cause I wasn't comfortable eating in there with other people inside. Oh and I noticed the guy cut my six inch sandwich in half! that was funny! I thought they only do that with the 12 inch sandwich. Well anyway, that was nice of him, 'cause I only had time to finish half anyway. Finished just in time =).
Now for todayyy, I went to work at nine in the morning, and my dad made me drive to work this time. He made me back out from the drive way and also park at the library! Crazy. It wasn't perfect, but it was all right. I stayed one hour extra this time, 'cause yeah, my supervisor said I'd then have to take a 30 minute break if I stayed longer (she wasn't supervising yesterday so I don't know if she knows that I worked more than 6 hours haha). I got out at 2:00pm and that was fine, 'cause I was working pretty fast all morning and I was exhausted.
My sisters came to pick me up and they saved me half a burrito from Baja Fresh. It was reallyy good since I didn't have lunch yet. Then we went to the mall because my first sister wanted to get some clothes...I think she has an interview coming up. Then we went to Walmart to buy diapers for her baby and black hair dye. My second sister wanted to get Green Day or Evanesence CD but we couldn't find their newest album since everything was SO out of order! Damn, I was on the verge of putting them all in their right places, but 1) I don't work there, and 2) I didn't have enough time since we had to get home by 4:00pm. We did find their old albums though, but she just got the Green Day one.
I came home and saw my aunt. She just came back from Cambodia yesterday, and was just dropping off some things she bought for my mom and discussing their family and friends stuff. I wanted to go to my aunt's house today too so I can make another cheesecake for a friend. I'm gonna send it through postal mail so I don't know how thats gonna work but I know its possible. Damn it'll probably be like 10-20 bucks since a cheesecake kinda weighs more than a couple of pounds. Yeah, I wanted to bake it tonight so then I can send it tomorrow after work along with my gift for Ken (which I've been meaning to send like two weeks ago =X). Well I wouldn't be able to anyway because I don't have the ingredients. Basically I just needed the cream cheese and pie crust. The rest, my cousin can provide since its only the little stuff. And besides, she's sick, so I'll probably come by and do it another time, unless I buy the stuff and make it here, but vanilla extract isn't cheap! Well that's all for now...gonna check my student account webmail to see if they sent me my registration appointment yet! I'm still waiting! UGH!
Sunday, 31 July 2005
Now Playing: smooth criminal [e Xtatic 2003 mix]
Today, I had to wake up at 8:00am to go to work. Yeah, I know, its a Sunday so the library doesn't open. A couple people who volunteered (but is now getting paid) came also to help shift all the library books around. We are basically flipping all the books in the adult section the other way. So yeah, it was sooo confusing, 'cause when you're starting at the end, you're just basically putting it on the cart in order towards the right. But then they needed help in the beginning part of the library, and there you work backwards, so I didn't know exactly how to put the books down and in which way! So yeah, I thought I had it figured out, since it was a different direction and stuff...but when I checked on it again, it was completely out of order. I spent like 30 minutes trying to put them all in order, since it was three trays on that one cart. So horrible. Anyway, I was only suppose to work from 8:00am to 12:00pm, but I stayed an extra four hours when the other people that volunteered arrived. We still didn't finish! I would've stayed an extra hour, but I thought one of the supervisors said we had to leave at 4:00pm, so I was like "oh, ok." Maybe she was asking if we can stay til 4:00pm?? Well I don't know, I think she did, 'cause when I was about to leave, I think I heard them say something like "yeah, Cindy offered to stay an extra hour..." and I was like, what? So I was looking around but didn't want to make it obvious, so I gave up, 'cause I just remembered I told my MOM to pick me up at 4:00pm -_-.
Yesterday I went to watch a movie with Lauren and Marlene. We wanted Rocio to go too, but she was too tired. I wanted to be at the mall before 8:00pm so Marlene and I can chill until Lauren gets off work at 8:00pm. And plus, one of the movies started at 8:00 anyway, but then I realized they wanted to eat before we watched the movie, so yeah, either way, we'd have to catch the one after 8:00pm. However, since my sister was providing the ride, I had to wait for her to get ready. We left at 8:00pm instead, and we still had to drop by and pick up my friend. We were lost for about 10 minutes since this was my first time going to her house. So yeah, then I had to go to the ATM and cash some money out, since both of them didn't have enough for movie tickets, but at least they had enough for their own meal (which was at Carl's Jr. btw). Its cool though, they're gonna pay me back, so I'm not worrying. Anyway, we watched Wedding Crashers...that movie was fuckin' hilarious, I laughed so hard. But yeah, it was rated R, and I thought the lady wouldn't let me buy tickets since I look like I'm about 15 years old, and that my friends didn't have their IDs to show that they're 18. Movie ended around 11:40pm, and I was ready to go home, but my sister wasn't ready yet. She was elsewhere, eating, around 11:40pm. WTF right? Why would you eat that friggin late, shiet. So I was mad, 'cause she told me to wait or to hang out at my friend's house...at 11:40pm! Well my friend didn't mind, but it was kinda late so I didn't want to. When Lauren's ride came, I asked if she could take Marlene home too. But yeah, they didn't wanna leave me by myself (aww how sweet haha) so they said I should just go with them, and so I did. On my way to her house, my sister calls and is like "where are you?" and I'm like "uhh, I'm on my way home?" and she tells me she's at the mall and that she had told me she was coming when I was on the phone with her. I was like, "well I didn't hear you" and its true! because when she told me to wait a while longer, I just hung up after since I was getting upset. Oh well, so yeah I told her that I'd wait in front of the house so it can look like I came home with her. Ugh. I didn't feel guilty though.
My mom wasn't too pleased that I just came from sleeping over at my cousin's house, then end up going to a movie without cleaning the house. Well, she more like went crazy. She started cussing and starting accusing that I NEVER clean the house and that I'm worse than my older sister, and the whole time I was yelling back "YES I DO!" and so she started yelling at me directly, but FUCK, what kinda shiet is that? I clean the friggin' house more than my sisters do combined. I can't believe she says that kinda shiet. Makes me not want to do anything in the house. Anyway, I did plan to clean the house, but I planned to clean it after I came home, since going to the movies was a last minute thing. Now my mom and I aren't talking. She can be so childish sometimes. Like this morning, I woke up kinda late, even though I put my alarm on at 7:15am, but I kept pushing the snooze button haha. So next thing you know, it was about 7:45am. I didn't even have time to use the bathroom. All I did was get dressed, and wash my face and brush my teeth-all in 5 minutes haha. I looked around for my mom, but couldn't find her. I even called out for her like 2-3 times, and no response. I started knocking on the bathroom door, and when she opened the door I was like "why didn't you respond when I was calling for you?!?!" and she was like "see thats what you get for going out so late last night. I heard your alarm ring and you barely wake up now?" and she was just bitchin' and yelling and all I could do was say "you needa take me to work! hurry up!" I went outside to wait for her, but she comes out the door and throws the key on the grass. WTF, she wants me to drive to work? I barely got my permit, shiet. So she was taking her sweet time getting her purse and all. She came in the car and was like, "don't think I'm gonna be driving fast for you, I don't care if you're late" and in my mind I was like, whatever, just get me to work. And man, was she driving slow. She made a left on some street that I didn't know and was like "I don't know what street this is, so if I get lost then I don't know" and thats when I got hella pissed. I can't believe she'd do something like that! fuck! When I arrived at work, I got out and slammed the door, not telling her what time I get out...but I'm pretty sure she remembered yesterday (before we got into a fight) that I was working 8-12. I had to call her when it was almost 12 though, just in case she did come.
Well right now, I'm bored...which is why I'm online. I was watching Thai movies earlier, but I got a little tired of it, even though I barely watched it for like 30 minutes haha. I only have one more tape til the movie is done, and I'm not even finishing it yet -_-. Stupid stupid me, always doing everything last minute.
Posted by oh5/simplexna at 9:24 PM PDT
Updated: Sunday, 31 July 2005 10:13 PM PDT
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