Make Like An Air-Duct and Vent. Episode 1

            I do hate to fuck with format, but my friends this edition of my commentary is completely necessary for it. First things first I have to explain what happened two days ago (which would make it, the 20^th of July I do believe). I awake to a phone call from my best friend Lance. It’s about two o’clock in the afternoon so he’s obviously been trying to call all morning, considering the fact that I sleep till freakin’ three everyday.

            I answer the phone and Lance’s voice echoes through the receiver. We immediately jump into our conversation of how I sleep to fucking late, and he has to go to work today. Then the conversation takes sudden turn, for the better. Now in my little Melrose Place life nothing necessarily happens that often but today this is a doozy in the pile of shit to happen to me. I ask Lance what Paige, my “lovely” girlfriend of whom I fought hard, and cried for, did last night. “I’m not supposed to tell you,” he replies.

“What?”

“I’m not supposed to tell you.”

“Tell me now, what did Paige do last night?”

“Well, don’t tell her I told you.”

“What the fuck did she do last night?”

“She went to the movies.”

“Yeah, and what’s so bad about that.”

“You probably can guess.”

“Flatter me, tell me now.”

“She went to one of her friends house and made-out with Cody.”

I smile. For some reason I am not surprised… wait I know the reason, it’s because

PAGE IS A STUPID, IGNORANT, LAZY, UNCARING, CHEATING, CRUEL, BLACKHEARTTED, SELFISH, JEZEBBEL, BITCH THAT COULD CARE NO MORE FOR ANYBODY ELSE IN THIS GODDAMN WORLD EXCEPT HERSELF! Yeah, I think that covers it… that and she listens to shitty music. Stupid narrow-minded bitch.

            The funny thing is however, is that I am not as pissed off at Cody, the dumb fucking, ignorant, bastard that he is. As a matter of fact I don’t even think about him for a few hours. Instead I keep thinking of the last time I spent with Paige. It was when we went to a park with Laura (Paige’s best friend) and Jason (her boyfriend). We stayed there until dark, but during the time, Paige had run off and had nothing to do with me. This wasn’t the first time to fucking wench did this to me. There have been quite a few times she has ran off to do her own goddamn thing then come back to get me and treat me like shit, complaining that she turned around and I was gone, even though the dumb fucking slut left me.

            Wow, that was a lot of anger, oh wait I’m not done. I start to talk to Lance, and of al the things I could say the only thing I could say wasn’t really said, it was screamed, “She’s Done! See ya! There’s the door ya dumb fuckin’ bitch!”

Ah, Dad would be proud.

The fact is, since Paige and I had gone back out I haven’t felt the same as I did when we were fist together. There was a sort of emptiness to her. The emptiness was her heart and sympathy for others. Paige, I have noticed is spoiled. Everything Paige wants she gets. I did feed into that, for a while, until recently when I let the stupid fuckin’ whore know what it feels like to be denied.

I remember times we would be sitting on my bed, fooling around and she’d grab my hand and drag it to some area, whether it be crotch or breasts. I’d give in until I realized: Hey this is only going to get me to see her tits, which I have seen a million times, and if that’s not it, it will only get me to satisfy her needs of shoving my extremities into an orifice, and not my lower one. It’s pointless. Well, that’s not true, it’s fun for about the first two times, then you are trying to find more things to put in there. Hey it’s not our fault we like to experiment!

Anyway, Paige would have me feel her, kiss her, lead all the way up to fucking her, and then stop. I got gypped! Well, that sounded a little harsh, but the fact remains, she would have me touch her, and not the other way around ever.

Another thing that pissed me off was that every time I would try to bring up something that needed to be changed or any time I wanted to bitch she would spin it around and give me a fucking guilt trip, then when I would give in and tell her I loved her, the fucking bitch wouldn’t reply, and if she did reply she just said, “huh, oh yeah you too.” My darling females, only us males can get away with “huh, oh yeah you too” we patented that shit. On top of that, do not ever, and I mean ever let a man’s declaration of love for you just go through one ear and out the other. We don’t make you feel unloved; so don’t even put that shit on us. And ladies, if there is a guy that does that to you; get rid of the fucking piece of shit, because I would kill for some chick, especially Paige tell me they loved me, and actually mean it.

I guess my major thing of the moment is that I can’t understand the shit people do. I can’t understand how someone would just write their boyfriend/girlfriend off and cheat on them. I can’t understand how someone could be in a relationship with someone they didn’t love. I can’t understand why anyone would just ignore what they have in front of them, and run for something that will hurt them. And most of all I can’t understand why they got rid of fucking Jimmy Kimmel on Win Ben Stein’s Money, that chick sucks ass man!

Well, as much as I would like to bitch about that jezebel, it seems I have ran out of names to call her… wait here’s some: CUNT, SLEAZE, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, BACK-STABBING, BLIND, UNAPPRECIATIVE, TEASING, FUCKING, BRAUD! GODDAMNIT!

On to number two on Nick’s list of fucked up things that happened this week. Many of you guys don’t know who he is, but Nichole has a boyfriend named Brandon. He’s this really cool guy that’s addicted to about everything, including Nichole’s vagina. For a while I didn’t like Brandon, because I suspected him of trying to get with Nichole, who was my girlfriend at the time (something I still suspect to this day, even though Nichole said she never cheated on me). Well at 8:36 Saturday July 21^st. Brandon shot himself in the head, directly in front of Nichole.

I am not making this shit up, as if enough fucked-up shit has happened this whole fucking year, and Brandon goes off and blows a goddamn hole in his head! Ladies and Gentleman I don’t have to tell you that this is nothing short of fucked up. Nichole, a fragile girl to begin with, now has to deal with the fact that she watched, she fucking watched her fucking druggie boyfriend create a fucking sunroof for his brain! I’d like to take this time to tell Brandon, wherever the hell he is, that he is a stupid piece of shit, and that he is the dumbest motherfucker I have seen in my life, which is a bad considering I met Matt Henry. So Brandon, whether there is life after death and you can hear me or not, FUCK YOU!

Nichole, if you are reading this, I am sorry, you don’t deserve any of the shit you get, especially this. I’m here for you dear, and I love you.