You know, I kinda like that

            Yeah, it’s pretty good.

            Dick, I didn’t know you liked writing.

            Huh? Oh I was talking about that one Stacey Kiebler chick from WCW, hot damn what a pair of legs!

            Schmuck…

            Thanks, Dick. So, Conscience, you really liked that?

            Yeah, it has a good feeling to it. A feeling of power and significance.

            Speaking of feeling, where’s Mr. Right Hand?

            Mr. Right Hand is typing, and I am sure he doesn’t want to feel anything

            What makes you think that?

            Well, you can’t see, but he’s flipping you off right now.

            Anytime buddy.

            I don’t understand masturbation, I am actually appalled by it.

            I see no problem with it.

            Hell yeah! Now where’s that Vaseline?

            Not tonight, I’m not in the mood.

            Disgusting…

            Look, Conscience, your opinion is greatly considered, but on this you are sadly, sadly, mistaken. Masturbation is a natural way to release one’s chemical imbalance and hormones, it’s perfectly okay.

            From a scientific point of view, yes, from a moral point of view? Hell no.

            Explain.

            Here we go…

            Shutup. Anyway, to grope one’s self is sodomy. An act condemned-

            An act condemned by the church, not me, I am not apart of the church nor do I follow it.

            Will you let me finish? Thank you. An act condemned by the church. The church is, by majority, the same views of the public. So if the church condemns the act, the public condemns the act.

            You forget, Conscience. I don’t listen to the public, and, in turn, am not apart of it.

            It’s still disgusting.

            Waitaminute, masturbation is wrong but the will to look for porn and project it isn’t?

            Well, okay, it’s a little bad, but you don’t see me grabbing onto myself and pumping away to get rid of some freaky urge.

            You tell Nick to look at porn all the time, thus prompting me to be aroused, and trigger Nick to masturbate. You, my friend, are as guilty as the rest of us, if not worse, for you are the ringleader.

            But-

            Conscience, for once, shut the fuck up, you’ve lost, and instinct has won. Rational thinking isn’t everything. So shut the fuck up, and give me a category, I’m in the mood for some porn…