By Mike P

Title: Little Red Hood

Developer: Sachen

System: Nintendo Entertainment System

Back in 1989, some Taiwanese company made this game. Early in 2002, however, one man with a mission to find the obscure came across it, and made an article on it. Sometime this year, I found this site and read every last bit. Last week, I made my site. Earlier this week, I decided to review this horrid little game. Not only review it, but also play through it.

God damn it, why did I have to play through it?

"Little Red Hood", as you can see from that screen shot, is an over-head adventure game, along the lines of such classics as "The Legend of Zelda" and various role-playing games. That screenshot is also one-third of a level, and half of the over-world of Level One. We'll get to the levels in a bit, though. Other things must be done first, such as introduction to out heroine, her foils, and the few that dare to help Little Red Hood. Oh, and the story… we'll do that first, because there is no story. Supposedly, this game is based on the classic tale of "Little Red Riding Hood". If you're twisted, or perhaps on some sort of mind-altering drug, you can tell how the game pertains to the story. Luckily, I'm a bit twisted, so I have it figured out. In each level, you have to collect things for your grandmother, and once you have enough items and a key, you can advance to the next world. Beyond this, I have no freaking clue how it pertains to the story.

The main way of collecting fruit is by kicking trees. You do this by pressing the "B" button. This kick is only good for kicking trees and the various rocks that litter the level when you begin, and you pretty much have to dodge enemies to conserve your health, except for two cases. And then, only when you're very impatient. Little Red Hood can also jump and hurl slingshots at her opponents. Both of these functions can be done with the "A" button, but never at the same time. By default, you jump. You'll only need to do this once. You can buy a slingshot in one of the level's two shops, but it's limited in use and can only kill the odd white fellows. The shop also houses the invincibility potion and an anatomically correct human heart. I can only assume that Little Red Hood has taken up the Aztec tradition of eating a fallen enemy's heart to gain their power. However, the items in the shop aren't the only things to help Red on her way.

By now, you're wondering about all these monsters and enemies I'm talking about. Wait no longer, for here are those fiendish fiends who will fiendishly try to halt your way through the woods. I have no idea WHY they're doing it, though. Maybe they're the sorts that like small children, or maybe they just like the treats. They sure as hell aren't the native fauna.

ENEMIES
	MILLIPEDE This little bugger hides under rocks in the over-world. I found out on an episode of "Jack Hanna's Animal Adventures" that millipedes are able to secrete cyanide. That alone is reason enough to avoid him.
	ZOMBIE PIRATE The only killable enemy. He doesn't even look like a zombie pirate. He looks like either Frankenstein's Monster or a mime. That alone is reason enough to kill and/or avoid him. However, I've seen them split into three separate entities at will. Beware.
	HEDGEHOG Not at all faster than the speed of light. The hedgehog and the cobras are good pals, and hang out in the underworld together. Sometimes the hedgehog will hide under a rock like the millipede.
	COBRA As mentioned, the cobra is good pals with the hedgehog. In fact, they basically do the exact same thing. For some reason, the cobra is a little bit faster though.
	FISH The fish are in the only water level in the game. They swim around in schools, and considering how difficult it is to gauge yourself while swimming, and are a general pain in the ass. Avoid them at all costs.
	BULL The bull is one of the key guardians. Touching him will instantly kill you. This might actually be some sort of wolf, but it does look a lot like a bull. All the bull wants is to be loved, but considering how touching him is fatal, he has not yet achieved this goal.
	BEAR The other key guardian, and again fatal to touch. The bear might also be some sort of wolf, but it looks like a bear. According to one source, Bear thinks Squirtle is the best Pokemon. According to another source, however, he has since become infatuated with Torchic.

These enemies will try their damnedest to keep you from collecting fruit and keys throughout the ten levels. The ten levels are really nothing to write home about, since each are comprised of two screens. There are a few things odd about a few of the levels, and some of the underworlds are just plain weird. So we'll go over those. Oh, before that, here's the crap you have to collect. I was going to do something like I did with the other crap, but my mind seems to be methodically erasing all ten levels of the game.

This is the stuff you're collecting for Grandma… I get the fruit, but why the hell does she need pearls?	The sole underwater level where you dodge fish and go diving for pearls. I hate this level.		I think this is the last Underworld. At the top of the screen is a door, much like the shops. Except you can't go in. Very annoying.
	The third level. The only one where you have to jump. Red is expressing my sentiments towards this level nicely…		This one isn't too bad. I just think the Mushrooms are kind of weird…
Look at the shops on top of the screenshots. Each says "L.J.". What is this L.J.? Also, that first shot… that level really freaked me out. At first, I thought the game was glitchy. Then I played it for an hour, and this just kind of furthered my belief. After a while, though, I found out what I should do: Buy two slingshots. Thank god for that L.J. store right there.
I just figured at some point I should show you the bonus round. What you do is hang on the balloon and press the "B" button to go higher. It's actually quite challenging.		In the second level, there are two shops on the same damned screen. ON THE SAME SCREEN! There are two screens in every level, yet they put two houses on the same one. This just really made me mad for some reason.

After ten levels of fruit-collecting zanyness, you get this charming ending:

Yeah, no problem. All in all, this game in ten levels of pure and utter crap. This game is bad, and not in the "so bad it's good" way. No, it's bad like a pile of dead, mauled, half-eaten bodies in your uncle's basement. And that, my friends, is bad. Not as bad as "Dragonriders: Chronicles of Pern", though. Few things are as bad as that. And it has DRAGONS, for god's sake. This game gets two meekrats, because at least the controls are good. Okay, not good, but at least they're responsive and moving is no hassle…

Oh, and here's a picture of the box. At least IT has a wolf on it.
Special thanks to Encyclopedia-Obscura for the box, the ROM, how to get past level seven, and… well, basically this whole review. Except the screenshots and stuff! All the pictures are MINE… unless otherwise noted.

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