Top 10 Things That Piss Me Off

1) Chain mail is fucking retarded. Who the hell cares if I send your stupid superstition to 10 of my closest friends? It won't change a damn thing. If you forward it to people you won't find the love of your life, nothing great will happen, and you sure as shit won't be happy for the rest of your life.

Don't Be A Cock Blocker

Cock Blockers, what comes to mind when one thinks about them? To be honest with you, I will tell you straight off I’m not too sure what the term means. However when I think of cock blockers I think of disgusting deteriorating assholes. People who enjoy to block off the pleasure of others. There are two types of people in this world, cool people and then there are those who I call Cock Blockers. Cock blockers can be different ages, different races and different religions but they all have one thing in common, that is to be the cock blockers that they are. I will give you some very extreme examples but I am sure you will get my point.

There are the gay guys, who are always hanging out with the hot looking bitches. As I see it, these are the major cock blockers in the world right now. Not only are they gay but all girls love them. I don’t see what there is to like about a gay guy. He will never like you, he likes other man, and you just shouldn’t hang around them because that’s how it should be. The gay guys always get the girls, no matter what the situation is. Whether the girls start talking to them at school or you meet a gay dude at the barber shop, they’re almost like chic magnets. The girls always like to hang out with these gay guys, go shopping with the gay guys (any guy who enjoy shopping for hours is a moron.),talk with the gay guys, everything with the gay guys. This is so ridiculous its not even funny. When the girl should be with the straight guy, the girl is wasting time talking to the cock blockers or possibly trying to get on him even though that’s not possible cause he’s gay. I cant stand this, all the hot deceitful girls always love the cock blockers. You can never get any from the girl mainly because they’re hanging out with the cock blockers. These dudes are so good at their job, that the chances of them not cock blocking a girl from you are about the chances of me becoming a popular author in the near future.

Sometimes, girls themselves can be cock blockers. Especially when you try to hang out with them ( or maybe its just me). First off you meet them they’re all cool and what not, then you talk to them on the phone and all and next thing u know u try to meet up with them. First they say they’re too busy for you, then they say they have family issue, and next thing you know she keeps on telling you the same stupid reasons over and over as to why she cant meet up with you. This is called cock blocking because u cant get any from the girl since she is being a bitch about hanging out with you. Who cares if she doesn’t like the way you are, she should still be nice and hang out with your for at least 10 minutes or so, I think it would be a lot better than being a cock blocker and making up excuses. The best however would be if your able to pull off a one-night stand with her. That would always be the best.

The third and final type of cock blocker I will talk about will be older guys. Yes we all know that girls like older guys. They’re supposed to be more mature, more grown up etc… I tell you that is all BS. All guys are assholes, all guys never grow up and all guys want from girls is sex (yes that’s the truth). The thing that bothers me though is these older guys. Girls always want to hang out with them (not as much as with the gay guys however). These dudes are pretty big cock blockers for younger people. I mean if female is 16yrs old and she is going out with a 21yr old, then is the 16yr old guy supposed to go out with a 13yr old girl? I think not. These older guys perverted sometimes pedophiles are sick. They’re sometimes even more disgusting than the 16yr old “immature” guys. But yet they’re a lot cooler because they’re older and can buy beer and cigarettes. The thing is though 16-19 yr old guys don’t really have anybody to go after anymore. 13yr old girls are the biggest turn-off in the world. I’d rather clean shit than date a 13yr old bitch who would enjoy complaining to me about random stuff, plus I would have to spend money on her sorry ass. The old guys make the youth feel left out and not be able to get any hence they are a bunch of old sorry ass cock blockers.

If you have not figured out what the definition of a cock blocker is than it is too bad. I might not have clearly talked about the definition of it, but this is pretty much a lot of rambling. My advice to all you people in the world would be, STOP BEING COCK BLOCKERS. Cock blockers suck at life.

Credits to Alex for this article. I didn't really do any editing to this so if there are any spelling errors or anything of that sort then don't tell me because I don't care. If I cared I would would have already fixed them. If you bitch to me about it I'll be forced to fire you from your job of living.

Annoy Your Roommate

Do you have an annoying college roommate? I do. Sometimes his mere presence in the room is enough to send me into complete panic. If you live near me and you see me running out of my room occasionally to go down the hall then you will know it's one of those times again. Anyway, if you have an annoying roommate and you would like to piss him off, confuse the hell out of him, or just plain bug him senseless then take note because following is a list of great ways to accomplish your goal.

- Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.

- Every time you wake up, start yelling, "Oh, my God! Where the hell am I?!" and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your roommate asks, say you don't know what he/she is talking about.

- Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "It's spreading, it's spreading."

- Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your stuff back into the room and tell your roommate, "Okay, your turn."

- Walk backwards all the time. Then pretend to trip and hurt yourself. Fake an injury and go through a long, painful recovery. Start walking backwards again.

- While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

- Don't shower for 15 days. If your roommate asks how long it's been since you showered tell him it's only been 4 days. This was taken from a personal experience of my friends down the hall.

- Don't move... AT ALL... EVER!

- Cover your bed with a tent. Live inside it for a week. If your roommate asks, explain that "It's a jungle out there." Get your roommate to bring you food and water.

- Sign your roommate up for various activities. (Campus tour guide, blood donor, organ donor).

- Hit your roommate on the head with a brick. Claim that you were trying to kill a mosquito.

If you do all of these and your roommate still hasn't committed suicide or moved out then tough shit. It looks like you're in for the long haul. If this is the case then just go ahead and kill him yourself.

Credits to Brent Nelson for showing me his site with some funny shit on it.

LindzP8 Doesn't Like Me

Well apparently LindzP8, or Lindsay or whatever her name is, doesn't like me. She made a lame attempt at arguing with me in the Women's Section. My guess is that she didn't like the fact that I posted that argument online. Well LindzP8, if you didn't want to get embarassed you shouldn't have made the unfortunate mistake of losing an argument to me. Of all topics to lose you picked the worst one too. Girls are dumb. Period. There are no questions about this. You simply proved it further. Well anyway, here is the conversation. Keep in mind that the conversation has my cell phone number x'd out. I don't want to hear from any of you jackasses about anything. Her phone number, however, is not x'd out. Like I said, if you argue with me you will get embarassed. For those of you too lazy to actually read the short conversation, her phone number is 513-213-1414. Feel free to annoy her all you want.

Andrew Moore Is A Douchebag

Personal Attack

For those of you that don't know, and actually give a shit, I like Saves The Day. They're an Emo/Punk band. If you want you could download some of their music or buy their cd. If you don't want to then I don't give a shit. Well anyway, occasionally I put a quote from one of their songs in my profile on AOL Instant Messenger. Also, occasionally I get random messages from Andrew Moore bitching to me pointlessly. Just the other day I got a message that said something like this: "Davis you didn't find some secret band. I've been listening to Saves The Day since junior year in high school." Now Andrew, do you honestly think I care how long you've known about Saves The Day, or any other band for that matter? Also Moore, did I ever once say anything like the following? "Hey guys I found this super secret band called Saves The Day and they are awesome and Andrew Moore has no clue who they are!" No Andrew, I did not. Why you ask? For the simple reason that I don't give a shit. Hell, the quote you commented on didn't even mention the band's name. In fact, it said exactly this:

"Despair could ravage you if you turn your head around to look down the path that's lead you here, because what can you change?"
If you can explain that to me or tell me who wrote it then I'll actually take the time to talk to you. If you can't, however, then you are wasting my air so please die.

The point of the quote actually didn't have anything to do with the band. Quite a few of the people I have the misfortune of knowing are astonishingly thoughtless. The quote has a very simple meaning. Anyone with the intelligence of a worm can figure it out. I'm tired of associating with people that have less of a thought process than a fucking rock. The point of the quote was to stop talking to idiots. I assumed, since you knew the band, that you would understand it.

Andrew, quit being a douchebag. I know you've known about Saves The Day longer than me. I don't fucking care. There were quotes from Dashboard Confessional in your profile a long time ago. Did you see me saying stupid shit to you like "Dashboard Confessional isn't some band that only you know about Andrew." Why did I refrain from doing that? I did because I'm not a fucking retard. Stop being stupid man.

Andrew's screen name on AIM is GetUpKids675. Feel free to call him a douchebag.

Mariah Carey Has No Brain

I can't help but realize how incredibly stupid and stuck up Mariah Carey is. I broke away from my usual routine of only watching an hour of television per day and watched MTV Cribs for thirty minutes. The crew from MTV, which sucks by the way but that is another issue, went to Mariah Carey's penthouse loft to check out her "crib." Normally this show apparently visits three celebrities per show. Mariah Carey is obviously stuck up since she made MTV stay at her house for the entire 30 minute show. Personally if I had to spend more than 1 minute in her company I would castrate myself and you will realize why when you are done reading this. During that half-hour show she changed outfits about 25 times. Who the hell changes clothes that often? Where are these people and why are they still wasting my air? I change clothes in the morning after a shower and then I put on some old clothes before I go to bed. That's it. I've never encountered a human being, and I use that term loosely here since she isn't our best specimen, that felt the urge to change clothes more than twice in one day. The, sometime during the show, she got naked in her bathtub and covered herself with a towel. Mariah, here's a piece of advice: Go get a sign that says "I'm An Attention Whore!" and wear it around all day. As if her appearance on MTV Cribs wasn't bad enough, I found this quote from her online.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

Please kill me if I ever come in contact with you Mariah because I'm nearly positive that being in your general vicinity would do serious brain damage to me, and I couldn't live with myself if I was a vegetable. In fact, I don't know how you do it either? Mariah Carey is a brainless bitch.

Television Sucks

I don't watch much television right now in my life. Every fucking time I turn it on I see some gay NBA game, Anna Nicole Smith's fat ass, or yet another horrible rap artist talking to a beat.

I watch exactly one hour of television five days a week. Starting on Monday and ending on Friday I watch television from 11pm to midnight each day. First, at 11pm, I turn on Comedy Central and watch a stupid cartoon called "Futurama." Why do I watch it you ask? I watch it for the simple reason that it makes fun of the human race, which at this point in my life I'm seriously having my doubts about. When that is over at 11:30pm I turn on Fox and watch "King Of The Hill." The only reason I watch this is because a couple of the characters remind me of people that I have had the unfortunate luck of working with.

The NBA fucking sucks. No one in the NBA plays defense, some jackass always seems to get hurt when some other jackass touches him, and Michael Jordan retired... again! I give it 6 months before Michael Jordan gets bored of sitting in his office and decides to play basketball again. Either that or he will give another sport a try. First came golf, which is apparently a big hobby of his and I hear he's pretty decent. Then that one time he tried to play professional baseball. Hey Mike, to be in the MLB you can't fucking suck worse than my grandma! I wonder what it will be this time? I think he should try some random sport that isn't even a real sport like maybe ping-pong or possibly badmitton. How funny would that be? What a fucking dipshit. I know the guy is said to be one of the greatest basketball players to ever live, but why the hell do we make such a big deal out of him? Think about it. He's just another African-American with athletic talent. The difference between him and the rest of the people in the NBA is that he actually works on his game, but big fucking deal. Those idiots get paid millions of dollars so I think it's only right that they work on their game. He doesn't really do anything spectacular really. I mean he is really acrobatic and agile in the air but who really fucking cares? Two points is two points. I played soccer most of my life and we had a saying on my team about scoring a goal. "I don't care how it gets there or who gets it there as long as it gets there." Hey Jordan, think about that next time when you have the option of being an arrogant showoff or just making a basic layup.

Why the hell does Anna Nicole Smith have her own fucking television show? I watched about 5 minutes of it and had to turn it off before my brain melted. That fat slut doesn't know a damn thing about entertainment. There is nothing entertaining about some stupid blonde bitch living her pointless and inane life on television. Did anyone ever see the movie "Ed TV?" It was about some guy who lived his entire life in front of a camera for anyone to watch. Does anyone know the reason that it has never happened in real life? I'll tell you the reason. It hasn't happened yet and it won't happen anytime soon because no one fucking cares! Hey E!, do you have to use a special lense to fit her fat ass on the screen? I know there are lots of reality television shows on the air, but at least they have something that at least resembles a purpose. Take "Survivor" for example. The purpose of that is to win a shitload of money. What is the point of "The Anna Nicole Show" or whatever it's called? Nothing! It has no point except to lower your IQ exponentially as you watch it.

Rap music is on a downward spiral. No one cares how many people you've killed, how often you do drugs, or how many girls you've screwed. Hey 50 Cent, you can't find me in the club with my bottle full of "bub." Instead you can find me chilling with my friends drinking some beer and enjoying a normal life that normal people live. By the way, it's not my "birfday." In fact, it's only my "birfday" one day a year, but obviously that person named "Shorty" has more than one "birfday" each year.

Stupid People Are... Stupid!

The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself? I mean, honestly, if there were no stupid people there would have never been a reason for warning signs to begin with. Read the warning on Preparation H next time you go to a convenient store. One of them says something to the affect of "Do not take this orally." Now who the hell would eat that stuff? However, you know some jackass sent them a letter. It would look something like this...

Dear Preparation H,
I ate this whole tube of your product and I've still got these fucking hemorrhoids. My mouth's so small though that I have trouble eating tic-tac's, but I can whistle really well!

If you want to know some more reasons of why stupid people should have to wear signs saying "I'm Stupid" then download "Here's Your Sign" by Jeff Foxworthy.

Now Playing: "Here's Your Sign" - Jeff Foxworthy

Being Sick Fucking Sucks

I know you all can relate to this. We've all been sick. We've all had the flu. We've all woken up in the morning and not been able to breathe through our noses. Okay, you get the point. I've had a cold or the flu or something gay for about a week now. I went to bed one night last week and the window was closed and the air conditioner, homosexually placed right next to my bed, was off. In the morning I awoke to notice that not only was the fucking air conditioner on and blowing cold air directly at my face, but the window was also open. Now I have way too bad luck for this to have no affect on me so I woke up with a sore throat, a stuffed up nose, and a headache that could rival most hangovers. Ever since then I've felt like shit and I'm getting pretty sick of being sick. Wow, that sounded really fucking stupid. Anyway, I've been feeling pretty damn shitty since that unfortunate morning. Now you can all stop feeling sorry for me because your pity means absolutely nothing to me.

Now Playing: "The Last of My Letters" - The Contingency Plan

Fuck That Shit!

Well I told my good friend TJ that he could write a journal entry for me. He was pretty pissed off at a friend of ours named Sarah at the time because of some of the dumb shit she does sometimes. Well, enough about that or she'll hunt me down and kill me. Here's TJ...
FUCK GIRLS! Seriously, I think I honestly hate girls now. I think they're all a bunch of stupid cunts. I don't care anymore about girls getting pissed off about my profile. If you get pissed about this profile and you're a girl then fuck off. Don't read my shit anymore. If you're a girl and you read this and you agree then you fucking rock. Seriously though, girls always set themselves up for a let down. I think they do this shit just to have something to "hate" guys for or to bitch about. FUCK THAT SHIT. The sad truth about girls and womankind is that they’re life is based around incessant bitching. If they don’t have something to bitch or complain about they’re life is over. I love it when girls bitch though, it a break from things that are truly important in life. Stupid bitches complain about guys being assholes or dickheads, but girls like it when guys treat them like shit. Why else would the girls keep going out with them or keep accepting dates with that guy? I’ll tell you why, because I’m a master at women, it’s because if guys are nice to them and treat them like ladies there is no competition. They can hang out with their girlfriends if they want to feel good about themselves because hot girls hang out with ugly, fat chicks. Girls need guys to speak the truth or all girls will think they’re hot or something. That is these fat nasty bitches need, they need some guy to just, flat out, tell them they’re fat bitches. Tell them to take those ultra low-rise jeans off and to put on a fucking sweatshirt because that shirt, which shows off their stomach, is making them sick. The sad thing about me saying this is that I have been thinking this for about 4 years now. I have just been keeping tabs on how much stupider women are as compared to men. Guys don’t do stuff that they know is going to end in complete defeat. If they are aware of some chance of let down we prepare ourselves for it. Skirts on the other hand, run into every relationship, friendship, or whatever headstrong and expecting marriage or a long relationship out of it. Sorry, but that doesn’t happen. There are guys out there that know what they’re doing and they know how to expose girls to weakness just so they can “help” the girl get over it. The only thing they’re doing is helping themselves to the interior of the girl’s pants. JUST QUIT BEING SO STUPID! OPEN YOUR EYES! What’s so hard about taking a chance on some guy that is a friend or a nice guy? You don’t want to lose him as a friend is always the reason but the sad truth is you’re going to lose his friendship if you don’t take the chance. That guy wants you more than that asshole you are head over heals for. He is just too afraid of things getting weird if he tells you. That nice guy knows you inside and out. Know more about you than your “boyfriend” does. I know this because I have broken up people before. Not just one or two couples either. I’m talking about 5 couples and they were together for no less than 9 months. The reason I have accomplished this is because I treated the girl like a girl should be treated. I paid attention to her and I LISTENED. I just hate girls and I’m sick of always being their friend. If I wanted a friend I would go hang out with fat chicks. You’re not fat and you’re not ugly so you know just as much as I do what I want out of us speaking to each other. Meanwhile, I have totally lost track of my original topic; girls set themselves up for the big let down. They know what the outcome is going to be of their latest and greatest guy. Quit being shallow, who cares if some guy doesn’t have a “hot body” or doesn’t have a crystal clear smile. I’m glad that guys façade is going to pay for meals and make you feel better about yourself because you can hang out with some guy that cheats on you and makes you feel insecure because you’re not as good looking as he is. Just go for the guy that makes you laugh, the guy that treats you well and the guy that does sporadically nice things for you. And never take that for granted, the second you take that for granted is when it’s over. I have seen this happen firsthand. My brother treated his girlfriend to nice things and she started becoming materialistic and it all went downhill from there. Stupid girl. He didn’t expect anything from her, well something {wink} but nothing material. He just wanted her to be happy and he found it fit to buy her something on occasions that gifts were the norm or if she felt sad. Well anyway, I just felt upset myself. I like this girl and she treats me like shit. It seems to be the story of my life. My friends expect the girls I talk to either to have boyfriends or to screw me over miserably in the end. I hope this isn’t one of those things again. I know she doesn’t have a boyfriend but selection number two is always a possibility. Good luck to me and to all the guys out there. A big FUCK YOU to all the self-centered drama queens out there too. You are what makes this world not worth my time.

Now Playing: "Fuck Tha Police" - NWA

War Kicks Ass

War kicks ass. All those tree hugging hippies can go ahead and kill themselves because they suck at life. The fucking war in Iraq doesn't have a damn thing to do with fucking oil! We get the vast majority of our oil from Canada and most of the rest comes from Saudi Arabia. Texas has oil. Alaska has oil. What the hell do we need with Iraq's shitty ass oil? What is up with people saying that the Iraqi people don't want a war? Did you not watch the damn news at all? Every single video clip of the Iraqi people showed them excited and jubilant when they saw the U.S. soldiers. They pulled down a statue of Saddam after we took over Bagdhad and pulled the head off and dragged it around town. Of course they want a war! Who in their right mind would want to be ruled by a facist dictator that will have you shot if you challenge the government? There was this one time in the 1940's when a facist dictator did something just like what Saddam is doing. That other guy's name was Adolf Hitler! Fuck Hitler, fuck Saddam, fuck facism, and fuck tree huggers that don't support the war!

Now Playing: Super Smash Brothers for Gamecube

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

ASSHAT ONLINE officially launched today. I was really fucking bored after my Psychology 100 midterm that I took this morning. It wasn't a really hard test, but a test regardless. This website shit is all old news to me, but damn I forgot how much work it is to get a somewhat decent one up and running. I'm still pretty damn bored so I think I'm gonna head down to my friends room to play some Mario Kart. Peace out. Wait. Fuck peace and all you tree-hugging hippies that oppose the war in Iraq, especially the ignorant dipshits that never stop bitching that the war is over oil. I'll make another entry about the war sometime later if I decide to stop being lazy. WAR OUT!!!!

Now Playing: Mario Kart 64