Goontar was a CIA operative
Goontar was a Navy Seal
Goontar was a Heavy Weight Prize Fighter
... beat the crap out of Tyson and the Olson twins last week
Goontar was an Astronaut
Goontar was a Major in the Air Force
Goontar is a highly decorated Girl Scout Troop Leader
Goontar was a Major in the Navy
Goontar spent 10 years as a rodeo clown
Goontar was a Major in the Marines
Goontar pitched 10 consecutive perfect games
Goontar was a Major in the Army
Goontar knows where Elvis and Hoffa are hiding
Goontar was a Major Motion Picture Movie Star
Goontar was The Original Radio City Rockette
Goontar Killed Kennedy
Goontar dropped the bomb on Hiroshima
Goontar can leap tall buildings in a single bound
Goontar was The Original Mousekateer
Goontar can squat thrust more than 4 tons
Goontar kicked the Hulk's ass
Goontar is the only known QUADZILLIONAIRE
Goontar has an IQ of 356
Goontar is a Shape Shifter
Rayalien was a visiting lecturer and investigator from the planet Zenon who worked with Barbara Hornswaggle, the author of the first book on the October Surprise scandal. When Goontar and Rayalien married in 1989, the Bush Administration panicked. George was so scared of them that he wet his pants. As a result, Goontar became the most famous political prisoner ( everybody knows this guy ) of the George H.W. Bush administration. Goontar was the pilot who flew Bush back from the negotiations in Paris that finalized the October Surprise. Rayalien was an investigator who was working to expose the October Surprise!
From 1989 to late 1996, when he disappeared, ( there he goes again ) Goontar spent all but 9 months of their marriage in prison and married a 450 pound Mexican named Bubba. During that time, there were numerous attempts to kill both of them. Their lawyer and friend Paul Winchel WAS murdered! Goontar's sons were beaten, jailed, and gang-raped by the dreaded Draconians from the planet Zotar, he was told they would be gang raped by well-hung Orkanians from the planet Ork, if he talked. Rayalien was charged with trespassing on a military base and faced prison ( she was actually caught peeking into the men's shower ). To keep her out of prison, where he was told she would be murdered, Goontar pled guilty to 9 counts of secretly dreaming about a sexual encounter with Barbara Bush!
Below is another picture of the shape-shifting Goontar basking in the sun while vacationing in Jamaica.