Song lyrics by yours truly...kinda in the style of Staind or Cold...very depressing and meaningful

"Smile For Me Now"

Hello again, your words they make me smile
As I drift away in my little room upstairs
Oh I spend my nights
Imagining your face, your touch
Then I realize how I don't even have your heart
If we could share our time
Would I, disappoint your fantasies
But I believe, that I could be the one you needed
If we should ever cross the same place, at the same time
Would your world skip a beat, because it was me
If we could share our life
Would I, disappoint your memories
And I believe that you could be the one I needed

Just smile for me now, thats all I ask of you
When you see me, just smile like this is true
Don't speak, just let me keep my memory of you
If you smile for me, I'll pretend my one dream is true
You don't have to mean it, but baby I need it
You have no idea, how much you mean to me
If you just smile, I'll love you all the while

Hello again, your look it makes me smile
When I use to stare into your dark eyes
Damn how I miss it
Missing your face, your touch
Then I wonder why we aren't together
If I could share my heart
Would I, be able to make you mine
But I believe, that I could be the best for you
If I were to, tell you how I feel
Would you ever smile like you were mine
Or atleast pretend, so my heart heals in time

Just smile for me now, thats all I ask of you
When you see me, just smile like this is true
Don't speak, just let me keep my memory of you
If you smile for me, I'll pretend my one dream is true
You don't have to mean it, but baby I need it
You have no idea, how much you mean to me
If you just smile, I'll love you all the while

Hello again, I'm having a bad day again
But your smile keeps me alive
All this time
Can't get you out of my mind, my heart
Why, why, can't you be mine
Please just smile for me now
Just smile for me
Everyday I see you, you have no idea
How much better that makes me feel
How it gives me strength to go on
If I can't have you, if you don't want me
Please, please just smile for me
Just smile for me now

Just smile for me now, thats all I ask of you
When you see me, just smile for me
Don't speak, just smile for me
If you smile for me, I'll pretend your mine
You don't have to mean it, but smile for me
You have no idea, how much you mean to me
If you just smile, my heart will be saved
Just smile for me!

"Prayer for the Dying Heart"

verse I:
I...knew this day was coming
I...heard lonely days a humming
You...were so important to me
You...swore you'd never hurt me
But...this pain it runs deep
And...my heart can't take it
I...just don't know if I'll make it
It hurts...like a knife in my side
From...this black abyss I can't hide
Why...why, don't you just fucking die!!

Refrain:
This is a prayer for the dying
All the broken hearts crying
Just know you'll get better
Don't let a bitch ever...
Ever use you, ever hurt you
Ever again, say never again
This is a prayer for the dying
All of you keep on trying
It gets better from here
Wipe away that last tear
Shove away all the fear
There's good women out there
...this is our prayer

Verse II:
You...you never say much
Why...keep all your feelings inside
Why...you know it hurts me so much
I cry...I'm lost and in love
Why...is this happening to me
I...I thought we were complete
Did I...just not do enough
Or did you...simply play me
But why...do I deserve this
I...am the best man for you
You...fucking don't care tho
Goodbye...I'm lost in a lie
Why...there's no use for crying
So you...can fuck off I'm dying

"Refrain"

Verse III:
My heart feels so cold
Even though this shit was fortold
Why'd you walk away
For your return I pray
Cause my heart is dying
And my soul is crying
All because of this lying
Why the hell was I trying
Cause my heart is dying
And my soul is crying
All because of this lying
Why the hell was I trying

"Refrain"

"The Hardest Thing"
----Thanks to Andy for the refrain----
Too often i look at my reflection in her eyes
And wonder how we are only just friends,
How i can never tell her how i dream of us
And know she does not feel the same
How do you tell her you love her
How can you tell her you love her
When there's a chance she doesnt love you
That's the hardest thing
I say that's the hardest thing

You try to keep it all inside
But it cuts like a knife trying to get outside
Straight through the heart
Bleeding in your hands
Wondering if you say it now
Or wait for another chance
But when it's all said and done
Will you ever say I love you to this one
Is it better to just hold back
but silence gets us nowhere fast
You may be risking it all today
But there's always the risk of no more days
So the question I ask of you today
Should I tell her I love her this day

*Refrain*

Twenty years from now you'll remember her face
What I wouldn't trade to take her man's place
Do you just spill your heart to her
But what if that look in her eye
That look in her eye is oh so familiar
Her eyes and rejection look way too similiar
Would it be worth it, to be deserted
When you knew it was oh so perfect
But the pain inside always hurts a bit
You gotta let it out, can't always hide it
But letting it out, can end with you divided
So the question I ask of you today
Should I tell her I love her this day

*Refrain*

Why does my heart, feel so bad?
Why does my soul, feel so bad?
Why does my heart, feel so bad?
Why does my soul, feel so bad?
Maybe it will result in us
Maybe it will result in nothing
Maybe we will go our seperate ways
Maybe we will live together for all our days
Maybe, just maybe, it will work out this time
Maybe, just maybe, I'll be stuck here crying

*Refrain*

"What Was Left Unsaid"

Is it that hard, to be honest with life
My feelings don't change from a little strife
I'm staying real no matter the price
What made you hide most your life
Is it that hard, to express how you feel
Why couldn't you tell me the deal
Let me believe your still real
What made you hide how you feel
So if you want a chance
And I want to leave
I won't go outta my way
I'll do as I please
You had your chance
I say you had your chance
I did everything, to make you beleive
And what happened to me, you killed everything

Rain falls down on my head
I'm drowning in all thats not said
Now what we had has gone dead
(repeat x2)

What was left unsaid, killed all we had
I knew this would come, knew it was dead
Its not my fault, I havent bled
But I knew this would come, knew it was dead
Never leave things unsaid, never leave them unsaid
So if you want a chance
And I want to leave
I won't go outta my way
I'll do as I please
You had your chance
I say you had your chance
I did everything, to make you beleive
And what happened to me, you killed everything

*Refrain*

And it's not easy to hide
All this damage inside
And I'll carry it with me
Till I'm not alive...

*Refrain*

"Mirage of You" new

I'm at the crossroads of lifes long path
And you are there in front of me
After all thats been, all thats been done
I knew that its a dream, you weren't the one
But wherever I go, whatever I do
Im stuck here with only a mirage of you

There you are, I see again
But it's only a dream, wish it could be again
the way it once was
You here, funny what love does
I see you smile
It may be a dream, but I'm in denial
I can still feel you
I can taste you, I still love you
No matter what happens
your face still burns on my heart
it kills me and I will never part
With this image I have of you
I may love another, but never more than you
Your image waves me closer, so I go
I think I'm losing control
But I will never let go

I'm at the crossroads of lifes long path
And you are there in front of me
After all thats been, all thats been done
I knew that its a dream, you weren't the one
But wherever I go, whatever I do
Im stuck here with only a mirage of you

We may have never been more than friends
But this feeling still never ends
I don't know why, God I'm lost
But this mirage of you
If only true
But I let go, I reach out for you
To the horizon you fade
My hand reaching for yours
Is this my curse
How I feel for this first love
I will never forget you dove
Wherever you'll be
You'll always be a star in the sky for me
A mirage in my heart you see

I'm at the crossroads of lifes long path
And you are there in front of me
After all thats been, all thats been done
I knew that its a dream, you weren't the one
But wherever I go, whatever I do
Im stuck here with only a mirage of you

I'm doin fine now
I'm hapilly married now
Still see your face though, wonderin how
This image will ever fade
This is a curse only I made
Its been awhile since Iv'e touched your face
But what I would't give to be back at that place
When we were more than this
I still remmeber when we first kissed
It drives me crazy, but Iv'e let go
You slowly fade away, but only for today
Tomorrow you will again be here to stay
To forever have this mirage of you I pray

I'm at the crossroads of lifes long path
And you are there in front of me
After all thats been, all thats been done
I knew that its a dream, you weren't the one
But wherever I go, whatever I do
Im stuck here with only a mirage of you

"That's Me" new

Where am I headed, lifes neverending
Winding and turning, burning of yearning
Where will it take me, please dont forsake me
make me, follow the right path, hope that you dont laugh
At what I am, I'm doin the best I can
lost in this lifes maze, thought maybe it was a phase
but shits accumulating, on this damaged heart of mine
a lot of crying, a lot of pain, misjudgements on end
my lifes path is at a bend, remember I'm simply a man
not knowin of anything, wishing for the best of things
tired and sleeping, drinking and drinking
thinkin im sinking, I'll follow my hearts desire
even if it's high on a wire, above hells great fire
I'll do what i feel, whateva makes me happy
please dont look at me, cuz u think im not what i can be
or should be, im not u, thats impossible
just back the fuck off me, i am who i am
I'll neva change, this is J everday
if u dont like that, stay the fuck away

It's my life, I can fuck up if I want to, fuck up if I want to
Its my heart, I can cry if I want to, die if I want to
Its my fate, it's the best I am, you deserve the best I am
It's just me, if Im not good enough, just back the fuck up

Shut your mouth, ya u, the one tellin me what to do
I dont tell you how to live, i tried my all to give
I stood by you all i could, u always tellin me i should
do this and that, fuck all that, i dont need your shit
life is as bad as it gets, ill never forget, what was once
I was free with you, i thought i needed you, na uh
look whats become of me, funny how im still free
never thought that i could be, not without you
all this shit i want to do, dont say that, fuck you
Im always stayin true, to my heart, and what i believe
you made me blind but now i can see, once again
im back again, not givin a fuck, still pressin my luck
one day it will catch up, but i aint fuckin givin it up
some say im still livin on luck, but my heart is my guide
with that ill be fine, even if not for long
atleast when im gone, ill believe that its not how long
but how you live life, so im gonna be happy
thats my sacrifice, to those i love, im rising above
doin the best i can, to be a good example of man
oneday you'll see through the lies, but only through heavens eyes

It's my life, I can fuck up if I want to, fuck up if I want to
Its my heart, I can cry if I want to, die if I want to
Its my fate, it's the best I am, you deserve the best I am
It's just me, if Im not good enough, just back the fuck up

"I'm Goin Down"

I'm told, life cannt get any worse
but this pain, won't go away, not for a day
and I'm scared, of what will become of me, no one will help me
so I cry, play my guitar, wonderin what went wrong
I'm a die, I'm a die, there's no use for tryin

I'm goin down
I'm goin down
I'm goin down, no help can be found
I'm bout to drown, in my own sorrow

So what is the point, I'm always the one gettin hurt
all I wanted was your love, you gave it to me, but then took it away
but I try, to forget this dark past, so I live my life way too fast
now I'm lost, fuckin lost, with no where to go
I want out, but I'm trapped, too much drama around, so I'm on my way down

I'm goin down
I'm goin down
I'm goin down, no help can be found
I'm bout to drown, in my own sorrow

I don't care, fuck it all, fuck it all
I'm a move on, I'm a keep tryin, no use for dieing
I need hope, to keep me afloat, to keep me alive
So I pray, for someone for me, someone to love, someone to hold
make my pain go away, far far away, can't take another day
without you, without you

I'm goin down
I'm goin down
I'm goin down, no help can be found
I'm bout to drown, in my own sorrow



"Relying on Fate"

I was once asked if I care if I die
So I took a moment, and looked in your eye
I said no, but was stuck wonderin why
my life isn't in control by mine
I live life the best that I can
but it seems my feelings are never part of the plan
so the question I ask of you today
is when is shit gonna go my way
what have i done thats so wrong
that makes my path to hapiness seem so long
and what is left to give me hope
and keep my little life afloat
I'm asking for fate to step in
take control of all ive ever been
let me believe that shit is ok
let me be happy another fuckin day

cuz im stuck here, thinkin bout you
and theres no where to go, and nothing to do
but with fate on my side it'll be alright
just help me move on, i can't die tonight

I'm relying on fate to give me a chance
To let me be happy and live through this dance
cuz I'm down, but not out, but fuckin afraid
looking for love and tryin to get paid
nothin ever goes right, i cry through the night
starin up at the ceiling
hoping to start on the healing
smoking cigarettes like mad
trying to block out all that is bad
watching others acting contempt
while i suffer at each new attempt
of finding myself, findin my purpose
I'd kill for the life I want,but it's not up to me
Ive givin in, Im done tryin this time
I'm relying on fate to give me a piece of mine

cuz im stuck here, thinkin bout you
and theres no where to go, and nothing to do
but with fate on my side it'll be alright
just help me move on, i can't die tonite

"Cyco Drama"

things have changed, life has turned the other way
my life is good, but not as great as yesterday
I hold on to what I have, never forget my past
Sitting with my hand on my head, far from dead
but wondering what went wrong, so I wrote this song
stuck seeing your smile in my dreams
wondering when I'll see the way your eyes use to gleam
when you use to look at me, I was once free
but now I'm trapped, ready for life to be a wrap
I'm movin on, and on and on, music keeps me strong
what can I say, I'm just fucked up that way

Cyco, never knowin where my life goes
Drama, I was struck with bad karma
Cyco, thinkin I'm in control
Drama, my feelings gonna harm ya
Cyco, never knowin what I'm gonna do
Drama, Fills my head when I look at you
Cyco, I just wanna say fuck this shit
Drama, I think I'm gonna kill this bitch!!!!!

Stairing into an abyss of neverending answers
Cyco's my mentality, life is my cancer
Drama is my life, which I clutch like a knife
never letting go, but can die any second
while wondering what went wrong, i had to right this song
my mentality is gone, and my thought always wrong
so that gleam in your eye, has turned to hate and lies
I don't know whats next, my minds to complex
I need to get away, from all that these voices say
So i clutch a razor, though my death won't phase her
It always rains in my head, my wrists have bled
what have I done, this cyco's done me wrong
this drama's takin my mind, but now my life is fine
im gone...., never mix cyco with drama....

Cyco, never knowin where my life goes
Drama, I was struck with bad karma
Cyco, thinkin I'm in control
Drama, my feelings gonna kill me
Cyco, never knowin what I'm gonna do
Drama, Fills my head when I think of you
Cyco, I just wanna say fuck this shit
Drama, It put me in this fucking ditch

Starin down at what I did, knowin that all i did was hide
Cyco killed me, but the drama pushed me
wonderin how it could be, missing all who loved me
Cyco Drama killed me, Cyco Drama killed me
I want it back, one more time, let me try one more time
Live my life one more time