Office Humor

A minor oversight on your part does not necessarily constitute a major crisis on my part. Now please take your silly problem down the hall...

Remember, never shoot the boss, it looks bad on your resume.

This is not Burger King, you DON'T get it your way.

Remember, a grapefruit is just a lemon that had a dream and did something about it.

Of course I still make mistakes, but now they're better mistakes.

It doesn't have to make sense, it's company policy.

You inspire great things in me. Great Frustration, anger, and personal suffering.

I agree that we both need to change, you go first !

I don't understand your problem, all my other slaves like me.

Apply again in six months, we may have lowered our standards by then.

You're always on my mind, and on my back, and in my face, and on my nerves.

I've always had a perfectly logical reason for every dumb thing that I've ever done.

Your office is lovely, I've never seen one done in traditional Wal-mart before.

Look boss, you may not have ulcers yourself, but you've been a carrier for years now.

Never fall in love with the competitor, it takes all the fun out of winning.

If you don't like working for a living go immediately into management.

It's great owning your own company, you can pick and choice which 20 hours of each day you want to work.

In the world of business, if you aren't stressed out you aren't succeeding.

I always value your opinion, even though it's never worth much.

Why should I be upset about getting fired ? I was going to take the day off anyway.

People who can't laugh at themselves always give the rest of us plenty to laugh about.

I understood what you said before you explained it, but now I'm not so sure about it.

If you want me to carry more responsibility in my job, try getting off my back.

Ignorance may not be bliss, but after working here I'd be willing to give it a try.

You say that my work is unacceptable ? Well then it has a lot in common with my salary !

The day has gone exceptionally well. What's wrong ???

If you're not having fun, you're not doing it right

It's hard to soar with the eagles, when you're working with a bunch of turkeys.

The view is better soaring with the eagles, but weasles don't get sucked into jet intakes.

The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawn mower.

Quitters never win and winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.

Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Mediocrity, it takes a lot less time and most people won't know the difference until it is too late.

The village called...They want their idiot back.

At first you don't succeed, try, try again.. then quit. no sense being a damned fool about it.

Why Alcohol Should Be Served at Work

  • It's an incentive to show up.
  • It reduces stress.
  • It leads to more honest communication.
  • It reduces complaints about low pay.
  • It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
  • Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
  • It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
  • It encourages carpooling.
  • Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job,you don't care.
  • It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
  • It makes fellow employees look better.
  • It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
  • Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
  • Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
  • Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.
  • Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
  • It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
  • Everyone agrees they work better after they've had a couple of drinks.
  • Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
  • Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.
  • It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet Union.
  • The janitor's closet will finally have a use.
  • Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
  • Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as gross.
  • Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common language.

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