The Love Of A Child

By: Vicki

© 2003

Meranda smiled as she looked at her daughter running around the park. She couldn’t believe that she had such a wonderful child and was raising her alone. The man that helped her create such a loving child didn’t even know that he was a father.

“ Grace come on it’s time to go home.” Meranda called out to her dark haired daughter.

“ Coming mommy.” Gracie said running for her mother. Meranda took her daughters hand and walked back towards their car.

“ How about we go and get some dinner then we can rent a movie. How does that sound?”

“ Sure mommy that sounds like fun. I don’t feel good.”

“ My poor baby. Are you catching a cold?” Meranda asked touching her daughter’s forehead, she could feel the warmth from her daughter and decided maybe they should stop at the doctor on the way home.

“ Miss Hunt?”

“ Yes.” Meranda said standing. She had been waiting in the waiting room for over an hour. The nurse had taken Gracie to the back for some tests.

“ We ran a few tests. We are keeping Gracie over night.”

“ Why? I just thought it was a cold.” Meranda said looking at him, concern written all over her face.

“ We have some concerns.”

“ And those are? This is my daughter we are talking about here. What is going on?”

“ Your daughter is very sick. I am very sorry.”

“ What do you mean sick?”

“ Your daughter has Lupus. We are going to run a few more tests to be sure. Would you like to see her now?”

“ Yes…yes please.”

“ Would you like us to call your husband?”

“ I’m not married.” Meranda said following the doctor into the room where her daughter was. Gracie looked towards her mom and held out her arms. Meranda walked into the room and pulled her small daughter into her arms.

“ Mommy.” Gracie said holding onto her tightly.

“ Hey sweetie. I am here. I am going to call uncle Nick later tonight and see if he wants to come over would you like that?”

“ Yes mommy. Can’t I go home?”

“ Not tonight baby.”

“ You’re staying with me right?”

“ Yep, you know mommy would never leave you alone. I am going to make a quick call, you take a nap ok?”

“ Ok mommy.” Gracie said closing her eyes. Meranda let a tear roll down her cheek.

“ My poor baby.” Meranda said brushing her daughter’s hair from her face. She looked so much like her father. Only one other person knew about Gracie now how was she going to tell the man that he was a father. Picking up the phone she dialed a familiar number.

“ Hello?”

“ Nick, it’s Randy.”

“ Hey hon. what’s up?” Nick asked. Meranda could hear other voices in the background.

“ Gracie is sick.”

“ Honey is she going to be alright?”

“ No.” Meranda said starting to cry.

“ What’s wrong?”

“ I’m at Orlando General can you bring AJ down.”

“ Alright we will be there soon.”

“ Room 214 just come in. Thanks Nick.”

“ Your welcome Randy.” Nick said hanging up.

Meranda looked at her sleeping child, how much she looked like her father, how much she had his energy and love of life. She remembered the day she had met him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Flash Back ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ Hey Randy.”

“ Hey Nick.” Meranda said hugging her younger friend. It had been a few years since she had seen him. Nick pulled her into his arms and swung her around. Meranda giggled and finally kisses his cheek to get him to set her down.

“ Who are your friends?”

“ You remember Alex?” Nick said stepping aside so his friends could step forward.

“ I do. Nice to see you again Alex. Howe?” She asked looking at the shorter man.

“ Yep. Good to see you Randy.” Howie said hugging her.

“ I am Kevin and this is my cousin Brian. It’s nice of you to come to our show.”

“ I have family here and I was visiting.” Meranda said sitting down.

“ How long have you know Nick?”

“ I used to baby sit for his family when he was younger.”

“ How much younger can the boy get?” Howie asked giggling.

“ Much younger.”

“ How much older than him are you?”

“ Three years.” Meranda said “ or was it five. I can never recall.” She laughed.

“ Five years my dear.” Nick said sitting down next to her. But it was AJ that had caught her eye; his deep brown eyes and unhappy look seemed to touch her heart.

It only took her a few months to win AJ’s heart, they dated and where together as often as possible. One night she asked him the one question that tore them apart.

“ Alex.”

“ Yeah babe?”

“ What would you do, not that I am but what would you do if I where pregnant?”

“ We can’t have a child not right now. I am a child myself. I can’t raise one.” AJ said looking at her. Meranda nodded and turned away from him. While AJ slept she crept out of the home and left his life. There she stood her hand on her slightly swollen stomach tears rolling down her cheeks.

“ Goodbye my angel.” She said.

“ Come on. Time to go.” Nick said.

“ Thanks for doing this for me Nick.”

“ Hey I am your friend, I wont ever tell Alex about the baby.”

“ You’re the best.”

“ If you ever need anything just remember I am a phone call away.”

“ I know. Thanks.” Meranda said getting into the car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It hurt more than anything in the world when she left him that day. No note nothing. She never gave him a reason for her leaving. But she watched his life and fame from afar. She still loved him deeply and it tore her up every time she saw him with another woman. But it was her that noticed he had changed and when he went into rehab she blamed her leaving him for his downward spiral. She knew he wasn’t drinking when she dated him but when she left she wondered if he had found refuge in the bottle to escape the loss he had felt. She had sent him birthday cards and Valentine’s Day cards. She wasn’t even sure why, but every year she did it without fail.

“ Miss Hunt?”

“ Yes.”

“ There is a Nick Carter here.”

“ Please let him come and who ever is with him.”

“ Alright.” The nurse said heading out of the room. Meranda looked up as Nick entered the room first.

“ Hey baby.” Nick said hugging her close. He could feel her tears soak his shirt.

“ Sorry.” She said pulling away whipping the tears away from her face. She looked towards the door and saw AJ standing there.

“ It’s been a long time.” AJ said hugging her.

“ Yes it has.” Meranda said pulling away from him. AJ looked at her and then towards the small form that lay sleeping on the bed.

“ How about we go somewhere so she can sleep.” Nick suggested.

“ Yeah that sounds good. Meranda said. She followed the group as they entered the small waiting room; Nick closed the door and watched her stair at the floor.

“ Why are we here?” Brian asked.

“ Gracie is sick.” Meranda said looking at them.

“ And Gracie is?” AJ asked. Meranda held back a sob and looked away from them.

“ My daughter.” She said quietly. AJ looked at her strangely.

“ Your daughter?”

“ Our daughter.” Meranda said, her voice barely heard. AJ stood, his face now red with anger.

“ What? What do you mean our daughter?” AJ asked as his voice began to raise.

“ Just what I said Our Daughter Alex. She knows who her father is, just her father doesn’t know who she is.” Meranda said fighting the tears.

“ You never told me I had a daughter.”

“ You told me you didn’t want a child.” Meranda said looking at him.

“ You said that as a question. You never said you where pregnant.”

“ That was all the answer I needed to hear you didn’t want a child. So I called Nick and I left.”

“ You knew.” AJ said looking at Nick.

“ Yep, we all did.” Nick said looking at him. AJ growled and slammed his fist into the wall.

“ Alex there is no reason to be angry about this. You know about her now.” Brian said.

“ The hell I don’t. My daughter is here sick. I don’t even know what she has.”

“ Lupus.” Meranda said tears rolling down her cheeks. Howie gasped from the corner he was sitting in.

“ Why wasn’t I told sooner that she was mine?” AJ shouted at her.

“ Because you said you didn’t want a child. I was scared of what you’d do so I left.”

“ But six years Randy, six years.” AJ shouted.

“ She’s been to one of your concerts, I’ve played all your music and she’s got a picture of you on her nightstand. I always made sure she knew who her father was. I wasn’t sure how you’d react to her. And now I know.”

“ You’ve lied to me for six years.” AJ said, Meranda nodded and stood and left the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ Mommy” Gracie cried. Meranda opened the door and heard her daughter crying, rushing to her side.

“ Baby, mommy is here.”

“ I was scared did you leave me?”

“ Nope, Uncle Nick, Uncle Brian, Uncle Kevin, Uncle Howie and daddy.”

“ Daddy’s here?” Gracie said her eyes lighting up. Meranda could never replace the look on her daughter’s face.

“ Yep, daddy’s here.” Meranda said looking towards the door to see AJ standing in the doorway.

“ Gracie sweetie this is your daddy. Alex this is your daughter.” Meranda said backing up so AJ could walk to the bed. Nick put his hands on Meranda’s shoulders as she backed away from the bed, and started from the room. The others followed her from the room leaving AJ alone with his daughter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ Mommy told me all about you daddy.” Gracie giggled.

“ Really, how much did mommy tell you?”

“ Mommy would tell me how much she loved you, how much she missed you. She gave me pictures of you that Uncle Nick would take for her.” Gracie said. AJ smiled, he now understood Nick’s urge to take loads of pictures of him.

“ Yeah really. I think Uncle Nick has a picture of you.”

“ How come you don’t?” She asked looking at him. AJ looked at her, could he tell her that he didn’t know about her.

“ Mommy hasn’t given me a recent one.” AJ said looking at her. She looked so tiny in the huge bed. A tear rolled down his cheek as he watched her play with the small bear she had.

“ Sweetie, I am going to go get something. Wait right here don’t be scared ok?” AJ asked looking into her eyes.

“ Ok Daddy.” Gracie said. AJ noticed her grabbing a coloring book so she could color. AJ left the room, leaving the door ajar as he stepped into the hallway. He found the others waiting in the hall, Kevin standing behind Meranda as Nick held her close. He could hear her sobs from where he stood.

“ He hates me. I never wanted that. I didn’t tell him about her because I feared he’d be mad.” Meranda sobbed.

“ He doesn’t hate you honey.” Kevin said.

“ He does, he does because I kept his daughter from him. I was only protecting him. He wasn’t ready for a family. He told me he didn’t want kids.” She said. AJ lowered his eyes, this really was his own doing, was he really so selfish that he thought that he didn’t want a child. He remembered when she had left, all of her cloths where gone and her car was still parked in the driveway. He didn’t understand why she had left him, but now he did.

“ All that drinking and drugs he did was my fault. My leaving and not telling him why.”

“ No, that was my fault. I was missing you but I wanted to know what I did wrong to cause you leave me.” AJ said stepping up to her.

“ I left because you told me you didn’t want kids.” Meranda said whipping the tears away.

“ I was young and stupid. I wish you would have given me a chance to know my daughter.”

“ I saw you in her eyes everyday. Her dark brown eyes and dark curls always reminded me what would come from both of us. She asked about you everyday. I would read her articles about your success. She’s got all your albums, books and pictures. Even got those cute toys from Burger King.” She said looking at him.

“ Oh crap that reminds me I want to get Gracie a big teddy bear.” AJ said.

“ Gift shop is on the main floor. They are open for about another hour.” Meranda said looking at him. AJ took her hand and led her to the elevator. Nick smiled and watched them leave the floor.

“ Come on let’s check on Gracie.” Nick said leading them into Gracie’s room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AJ looked at Meranda, it had been 6 long years since he had seen her. He knew that Nick was still talking to her. And even once that Nick had rushed off to be with her when he said she was sick. Maybe that was when little Gracie had been born it had been the right time. He wished that he didn’t push her away like he did. His career was just taking off and he couldn’t be saddled with a kid, but was he so selfish that he made the one woman he loved leave him, taking a child he didn’t know he had away from him. He had been a fool all this time. He had assumed that she had left because of the fame but it wasn’t that at all.

“ I thought you left because of the fact that I would be touring so much.” AJ said looking at her. Meranda looked up from the large teddy bear she had been looking at.

“ If it had been that I would have left a note. Alex I was so upset when you said you didn’t want a child, because you where a kid yourself. I didn’t know what else to do.” She said to him. AJ took her small hand in his own and looked into her dark eyes.

“ These six years have been torture for me. I admit that, yes I did start drinking because you where gone, finding refuge in the bottom of a bottle was easier than facing that I had lost my angel.” AJ said, he wasn’t even sure why but he wasn’t angry with her at all, but angry with himself because he had pushed her away. He had actually wondered at one point if she had left him for Nick or one of the others, and he had even done so much as tell the guys during a drunken stupor that they where the reason she had left him and that Nick had her hidden from him.

“ You hadn’t totally lost me Alex. I left figuring it was safer for you if I had just left. I figured if I had told you about the child you would stop what you had been doing thinking that you would have to help me raise Gracie.”

“ But how did you raise Gracie.”

“ Jobs working two or three at a time till finally Nick offered to help.”

“ That was where he was sending the money. He got into a huge fight with his mom and she wanted to know where he was sending that much money.”

“ It was for Gracie. I didn’t really want it but I couldn’t keep working like I was I wasn’t seeing our little girl.”

“ How about we talk to Gracie together. I want this bear to give to her. She’s such a special little girl.”

“ Yes she is.” Meranda said. She’s special just like her daddy. She thought. Meranda hated keeping her from him but she thought it was for the best.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nick smiled at Gracie as she played with the toy that Brian had brought to her.

“ Gracie, how are you feeling sweetie?” Nick asked.

“ Good. I want to go home. The doctor man gave me something made my tummy hurt.” Gracie said looking at him. He could tell that she really wanted to go home. He hated seeing her in the hospital, he remembered being there for Meranda when Gracie was born.

~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nick hurried to the hospital when he had received the call from Meranda.

“ I am here for Meranda Hunt I am her coach.” Nick said in a rush. The nurse smiled and led Nick down the hall. She handed him something to change into and then led him into the room where Meranda was.

“ I am here baby.” Nick said moving to her side. Meranda looked up at him, he could see she was tired, he had received the call about two hours before and had been having a hard time getting to her being only seventeen he knew his mother would have a fit if she knew that he was helping a pregnant woman.

“ Thanks Nick.” She said closing her eyes for a moment. He watched her movements; he could see she was in pain as another contraction hit her.

“ Breath girl.” Nick said standing behind her rubbing her back. Meranda felt tears roll down her cheeks as she looked up at Nick.

“ It hurts. I want to stop.” Meranda said looking at him. Nick smiled and kissed her forehead.

“ But then we’d have to wait till she graduates to get her out. Come on just push.” Nick said rubbing her back. Meranda leaned back against him, she felt him rubbing her shoulders. He placed his hands on her back as she leaned forward and pushed again.

“ One more time Miss Hunt and you will have a beautiful baby.” The doctor said from where he was. Meranda pushed as hard as she could and finally leaned back feeling the doctor move back.

“ It’s a girl.” The doctor said proudly. Meranda moved up so she could see her new daughter.

“ Congratulations, would you like to cut the cord?” The doctor asked looking up at Nick.

“ I can?” Nick asked surprised.

“ Yep, just do what I say.” The doctor said, Nick moved forward and did as the doctor said and cut the cord. The doctor cleaned her quickly and handed the baby to Nick. Nick smiled and looked down at the baby.

“ Meranda she looks so much like Alex. We should call him.”

“ No, let me have my baby.” Meranda said holding her hands out. Nick placed the small baby in Meranda’s arms and kissed them both.

“ What are we naming our little grace from god.” Nick asked.

“ Gracie. Her name will be Grace Angel Hunt.”

“ What a beautiful name.” Nick said looking at her. Meranda smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~~ End Flash Back ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nick smiled and looked towards the door to see AJ and Meranda walk back into the room.

“ How’s my angel?” AJ asked placing the huge teddy bear on the bed.

“ My tummy hurts.” Gracie said looking at him.

“ I’ll get the nurse.” Meranda said heading out of the room.

“ Honey where does your tummy hurt?” Nick asked moving forward. AJ watched his young friend and wondered how much time he had really spent with the girl.

“ Right here.” She said pointing to the left side of her stomach. Nick pressed down on that place and watched Gracie’s reaction.

“ I think it’s something bad.” Nick said looking at his friends.

“ Well thank you for pointing out the obvious. How much time did you spend with her?” AJ snapped looking at her.

“ I’ve known Uncle Nick all my life.” Gracie said, her voice soft. AJ’s eyes snapped towards her and then towards Meranda as she entered the room with the doctor. Meranda looked at him seeing anger behind the dark glasses.

“ We need to talk.” AJ said grabbing her arm and pulling her into the hallway.

“ We will wait here.” Kevin said wondering what was wrong with his younger friend. He had seen Gracie a few times over the years. Meranda had asked that they say nothing to AJ about it because she wanted him to live his life as he wanted without children. Kevin felt AJ had brought Meranda leaving him upon himself and he deserved everything he got.

Once in the hall AJ looked at Meranda and about growled at her.

“ What?” Meranda asked, concern in the depths of her eyes.

“ You’ve lied this long to me about my little girl and Nick’s known about her the entire time.”

“ He helped me move. He was there when I gave birth to Gracie. Birthday’s holidays all the time. Who the hell did you think he was sending money to?”

“ I knew he was sending money and gifts but I just assumed they where for his family. Why? Why didn’t you call and ask me or at least tell me about her?”

“ YOU TOLD ME YOU DIDN’T WANT KIDS!” She shouted at him. “ You made it very clear that you where just a kid yourself and didn’t want a kid to have to take care of.”

“ I would have gladly taken care of her, she was mine. You kept her from me for six years and I might lose her before I get to know who she is.” AJ shouted.

“ You where a selfish child when I met you and you wanted to love me but you weren’t sure if you could love me like I really wanted. You where scared plane and simple. And I didn’t want to burden you with a child. So I chose to leave. I decided what was best for us both because I wasn’t willing to give her up but I wasn’t willing to give you up, it broke my heart to leave you. I wanted to die, but when Gracie was born it changed. She was my world, I saw you in her face, her eyes everything. I wanted and did cry every time I’d look at her. She found me crying in my bed one night the day you announced you where going into rehab. She didn’t understand, she was still to little but she came in and curled up beside me. I had her there and no one else. I called your house so many times, I would get some woman’s voice or yours and I’d just hang up. I couldn’t handle it. All I wanted to do was to blurt out the fact that you where a father and that you had a wonderfully beautiful daughter.” Meranda said looking at him. She could still see the anger in his eyes, nothing she said could change what she had done, keeping their child away from him.

“ That’s bullshit you never tried to call, you didn’t care and didn’t want to tell me that I had a daughter.”

“ Fuck you. I knew telling you about this would have it turn into a big war, fine you want to be with her so be it I’m leaving.” Meranda said turning on her heal and heading towards the elevator. Tears rolling down her cheeks as she nearly ran out of the hospital. She saw a church in the distance and hurried inside. Looking up at the front of the church, the statue of Jesus standing with his arms extended. Sliding into one of the pews she lowered her head and began crying uncontrollably.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AJ stood there in the hallway after she had left. He wasn’t even sure what to do let alone what he was going to say when he walked into the room. He walked threw the door and everyone looked towards him.

“ Where’s Meranda?” Nick asked looking past him thinking that she was standing in the doorway. AJ looked at him and then lowered his eyes. The doctor walked into the room before he could tell them that Meranda had left.

“ Ok we have to prep her for surgery.”

“ Why?” AJ asked snapping out of his trance.

“ She’s got an enlarged appendix that needs to be removed. It’s going to burst and if it does it could kill her. We need the consent of the family. Where is her mother?”

“ Stepped out for a moment. I am Gracie’s father. Can I sigh the form?” AJ asked moving forward.

“ Yes, we must hurry.” The doctor said handing AJ the paper, AJ quickly signed it and handed it back. AJ turned his eyes towards Gracie’s face, he could see she was worried.

“ Where’s mommy?” She asked looking around the room. AJ smiled a weak smile and walked over and touched her cheek.

“ Mommy will be here when you come back. I promise.”

“ Ok. Tell mommy I love her.” Gracie said.

“ I will, now you be good for these nice nurse and the doctor.” AJ said kissing her cheek. Gracie smiled and let them leave the room with her. Once she was gone Nick stood.

“ What the hell did you do?” Nick asked looking at him. AJ looked up at him.

“ We got into a fight in the hallway.” AJ said simply.

“ We gathered that much, we could hear her yelling all the way in here. Where did she go?”

“ She left alright. She was upset and she said that she was leaving. I made her mad.”

“ Are you still blaming her for what’s going on?”

“ I am blaming her I am blaming you.” AJ said looking at Nick with fire in his eyes.

“ Blaming me for what? Being her friend. Or lying to you about the fact she had a child. She told me that you had told her you didn’t want a kid because you where a kid yourself. This is your own fault.” Nick said stepping up and getting into AJ’s face.

“ My Fault. She’s sick and Meranda never called me, she called you.” AJ fumed.

“ Yes she called me but she told me to bring you along and that she would explain to you what was going on. Instead you blew up and blamed everything you could on her. I saw that you had talked to her civilly at one point but the minuet Gracie said she had seen me a lot you instantly decided it was time to yell at her again. Her daughter is sick, and all you can do is yell at her.” Nick said looking at AJ. AJ didn’t waver as he looked at his friend, he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to call him a friend after all that had been happened.

“ I yelled at her because she was being selfish, you called me selfish and yet it was you two that hid Gracie from me. I don’t even know my daughter.” AJ growled. Nick lowered his head and picked up the small package he had set down on the table.

“ This is everything.” Nick said. AJ took the box from him and saw his name across the top. AJ looked into the contents of the box and lowered his eyes.

“ She kept everything, pictures of her when she was a baby, everything.”

“ Everything?”

“ Everything she could. She had intended on calling you soon. Actually on her next birthday she was going to call you.” Nick informed him. AJ looked at Nick, his eyes wide wondering what was going on why was he thinking that everything was everyone’s fault when he himself had done it to himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meranda sat in the church alone. She could hear a song in her head, one she had heard on the radio one night while she was rocking her daughter to sleep after a nightmare. And she began to sing.

Well, it must be kind of crowded, 

on the streets of Heaven. 

So tell me: what do you need her for? 

Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever. 

But right now I need her so much more. 

She's much too young to be on her own: 

Barely just turned seven. 

So who will hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven?

Meranda began to cry again as she thought that her child could die. She didn’t understand why something like this had to happen. She looked up at the statue and stood.

“ Why? Why my child?” She shouted at the statue. “ Why do you have to chose my child, she’s all I’ve got.” She cried finally dropping to her knees in front of the statue. She felt hands on her shoulders and she turned her red and puffy eyes towards the person that stood above her.

“ Come on.” Kevin said helping her up. Meranda stood there in the church for a moment longer.

“ He wants my child.”

“ Gracie is a strong child and will be living for a long time.”

“ I need a few more minuets.” Meranda said sitting back down. Kevin nodded and moved to the back of the church and sat down silently. Meranda lowered her head and closed her eyes. She really needed to understand what was going on, why was her child sick. What was it her child that was chosen to be the one that could be taken? Finally Meranda stood and nodded towards the statue and walked towards the back of the church.

“ Alex promised that you would be back when Gracie came back from surgery.”

“ He did did he? I wonder what else he intends on promising her and then not being able to make them come true?” She asked looking at Kevin.

“ Randy, she’s sick, please don’t do this not now.”

“ He made it very clear he doesn’t want me with her.” Meranda said brushing past Kevin and out of the church. Kevin knew the only person that could get Meranda to come back would be AJ. Pulling his cell phone from his pocket he called the hospital.

“ Yo.”

“ AJ you made this mess now it’s time you fixed it.” Kevin growled into the phone.

“ I know.” AJ said.

“ She wont come back she’s at St Luke’s Church.”

“ I’ll be there.” AJ said hanging up. Kevin placed his phone back into pocket and looked down towards where Meranda sat in the cemetery just below the church. He saw AJ coming up the street.

“ Where is she?”

“ Over there. You best fix this because I know Gracie wont be happy if her mommy isn’t in the room when she comes back.” Kevin said heading away from where he was. AJ looked and walked over and sat down next to Meranda.

“ What?” She asked not looking up, she knew he wasn’t Kevin.

“ Please come back to the hospital. Gracie will be back soon.”

“ You said I didn’t care. Why should I start now?” She said looking up at him, new tears had formed in her eyes.

“ Because you’ve cared about her for the last six years and done a wonderful job. Please don’t walk away from her now because of me. I am a selfish man that just wanted something I knew had been my own fault. Come on let’s go back so we can be there for Gracie.” AJ said taking her hand and leading her back to the hospital.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AJ sat in the chair in the corner watching Meranda and Gracie sleeping. The doctor had brought back Gracie and told them that the surgery had gone well and if she was feeling better in a few days they would release her. But they where still worried about her Lupus. They weren’t sure if it would kill her sooner or be a long running disease. Gracie was a strong child and barely showed any signs of being ill at all. Her fever had come down which was a good sign but the Lupus was still very present in body. A small body at that, he had wondered how long the lupus had been present in her body. Finally he decided he needed to talk to the doctor himself. Looking at them one last time he turned and left the room.

“ Doctor, may I speak to you about Grace Hunt?”

“ What is it you want to know?”

“ The lupus has been present for some time. We think for a few years.”

“ But wouldn’t Meranda have know about it?”

“ Not entirely no, see this disease is very hard to find in someone so young. Usually this disease is found in an older patient.”

“ How long?”

“ Two years. But it’s more advanced in her body, it’s killing her. I suggest that she get started on Chemo but I am unsure of what that will do to her already weak body. Think it over and come to me with Miss Hunt.”

“ Alright thank you.” AJ said watching as he walked away from him. AJ walked back into the room and looked at the two sleeping girls and then towards the box that lay on the table. He picked it up and ran his finger over the inscription. He opened the box and slowly lifted out the small leather bound book. Opening it he started reading the first page.

~~~ June 25^th 1997,

Gracie giggled today, she had been laying on her back on the floor and suddenly she giggled. I smiled widely and wished that you could see it. But I know there will be more days for you to be able to see things. I miss you Alex.

Randy.

~~~~~ March 22^nd 1998

She’s already walking, and boy is our little girl getting into everything. I found her today walking around with your picture. Her first word was Daddy. She knew what you looked like and even recognized your picture. I read her the reviews from your shows and let her listen to your music. She dances around to your music. I miss you a lot.

Randy.

~~~~ December 25^th 1998

Wow Christmas time again already. She found all her gifts under the tree, we had slept on the couch last night after we set up the tree. She was happy and there is a gift under the tree for you. I’ll be sending it out after the holiday. I miss you so much. Love you

Randy.

~~~~ March 24^th 1999

Our little girl is two today. I love watching her play with her toys, she’s made a little friend out of the boy that is from next door. She’s a generous child and likes to share her toys. She’s not greedy like some children. Wish you could see her.

Randy

June 14^th 2001

Gracie is four and she saw you on TV today, She saw Uncle Nick crying at the TV studio. She wasn’t sure why he was crying but that he was sad because of her daddy. I was crying, I couldn’t stop, I saw how upset the others where and that you had finally admitted that you where drinking a lot and asked for help. I have never been prouder of you. I’ll talk to Nick later. I might even call your mom. Gracie wants to see her grandmother. I might actually take her over there and let your mom see her.

Get better my angel

Randy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AJ whipped the tears away as he closed the book, she had been keeping a written record of what was going on with Gracie and even him. He wondered if she had ever taken Gracie over to his moms pulling the phone from his pocket he left the room again. Stepping out on the porch like thing he waited till he heard his mothers voice.

“ Hello?”

“ Hey Ma”

“ Alex is everything alright?”

“ Not really. Mom I have a daughter. And she’s very sick.”

“ Gracie’s sick? Why wasn’t I called?” She asked.

“ I didn’t know that you knew. How come everyone knew about her but me?” AJ asked a slight hint of irritation in his voice.

“ Alex she asked me not to tell you. I just respected her wishes. What’s wrong with Gracie?”

“ She’s got lupus ma. And she’s so sick.”

“ I’ll be down.”

“ In the morning she’s sleeping right now. I love you ma.”

“ I love you to Alex and remember that little girl knows her father and loves him. And so does her mom. Night Alex.”

“ Night Ma.” AJ said hanging up his phone. He walked back towards the room and looked at his two girls. He couldn’t believe he was thinking that they where his girls, and his girls they where, he worried about them both. AJ sat down on the chair and opened the journal again.

~~~~ Jan 9^th 2002

Today Gracie made you a card. And I have every intention on sending it to you. She’s so happy about being able to make things for you. Can you believe it she’s five years old our little girl is getting so big. In your card today I am sending a recent picture. You haven’t wrote us back so I am beginning to wonder if you’re even getting the cards. I love you

Randy

AJ looked up from the book, that entry struck a nerve he hadn’t ever received a card with a picture. He hadn’t even received that card. He stood again and headed from the room, dialing a number he waited and heard her voice.

“ Sarah.”

“ What?” She asked her voice dripping with contempt.

“ I have a daughter. I was told she sent me a card last year and it had a picture of her in it. What did you do with it?”

“ Oh that little thing I tossed it in the garbage. She looked very cute in her little red dress and bow, she was there with her mother.”

“ You tossed it out? What gave you the right?”

“ I gave myself the right. You didn’t need to worry about some bitch’s child. Face it she wasn’t even yours and you know it.”

“ You lie, Gracie is my daughter and because of you I’ve missed so much time with her. How many cards did you throw out?”

“ Every time one came in from her I would toss it out. You didn’t need that kind of stress baby. I was only thinking of you.” She said her voice dripping of sweetness.

“ Fuck you Sarah. I never want to hear from you again. If you thought we ever had a chance to get back together it’s never going to happen. I never want to hear from you ever again.” AJ hissed hanging up the phone. AJ whipped a tear away and walked back inside. He shut off his phone and placed it back in his pocket. Everyone he wanted to call him where right here in this room. He watched the small figure in the bed stir and the open her eyes, a small smile play across her little face.

“ Hi daddy.” She said thinking he was nothing more than a dream.

“ Hey there munchkin.” AJ said moving over to her side. Gracie smiled and reached out for him. AJ pulled her small body into his arms and hugged her close as he sat down on the bed.

“ Mommy’s worried about me. I heard her crying before. I’m sorry I’m sick.” Gracie said.

“ Baby girl it’s not your fault. Mommy is just worried about everything. Don’t worry we both love you.”

“ How come you never wrote me back?” She asked, her dark eyes questioning him.

“ Someone kept me from knowing that you where sending me cards. But not anymore baby. I am here for you and your mommy.”

“ Mommy missed you loads and loads.”

“ Yeah I see that. Come here daddy wants to read something to you.” AJ said pulling Gracie’s small form into his arms. He reached out and pulled the journal.

~~~~ March 24^th 1996

This is my first entry in this journal. I am keeping this book so that when I give it to you, you wont have missed anything about our little girl’s life. Today Our Little Grace Angel was born. I gave her my last name for now. But your name is on the birth certificate, it’s all official. I don’t keep anything from anyone about who our little girl’s father is. I just wish you where here to celebrate in her birth. God Alex she’s an angel, her dark hair and dark brown eyes, she reminds me so much of you. I called your house today and some woman answered. I cried and hung up. You had forgotten about me already. I called your mom and she hurried to the hospital. And out of respect for me she promised she’d never tell you about Gracie. But I know some day I will tell you. A promise by me I will tell you about our daughter. But the doctor came to me today and told me that our little girl is perfect, nothing is wrong with her she’s perfect. But there is something wrong with me. I will never have another child. Gracie will never have the chance to have brothers or sisters. I had been bleeding badly after her birth and had to have surgery. I know the words are now beginning to look smudged but I’m crying. Not because I know I will never have children again but because I can’t bare being without you. I love you more than anything. Nick said he’d tell the others about Gracie, even took a picture. He’s been so helpful and a good friend to us both. Always remember Alex, Nick was only being helpful not being mean to you. I love you

Randy.

Jan 9^th 1998

It’s your birthday. I watched you dance, yes I saw you. Brian looks so sick and you looked full of energy and life. I was called earlier by Nick and given special passes to come and see you at a meet and greet. I wrap up Gracie and I come to the back. But when I see you I freeze. I am stunned by how thin and sick you look off stage. I am so worried about you. I saw your mom standing off to the side of the stage and she smiles at me. I let her hold Gracie for a while. She loves her granddaughter and gave me some things that Nick had set aside. I hope your doing well my love.

Randy.

July 15^th 1998

Howie called me today, his sister has passed away. I feel so badly for him. She seemed to be such a loving woman the few times I had the chance to meet her. He’s going home for the funeral. He told m that you had offered to go with him, but your manager wouldn’t allow it. He’s not even getting real time to greave the loss of his sister. All my love goes to all of you

Randy

Aug 12^th 1998

Today I received a call, Brian was put in the hospital. I looked at Gracie while she played with her toys. I was worried that she would cry when she heard about Brian. I called the hospital and spoke to Kevin on the phone. He was so scared to think that his little cousin was in the hospital. I was freaked when I heard it was his heart. Brian is a wonderful friend to you and a brother to you as well. I saw what had been done and I was appalled that you where still with the same management team. It made me mad. But I still love and support all that you do.

Randy

Sept 11 2001

*tears * Yes that’s right my love tears. I saw the planes that had hit the towers and I was so scared that your plane had been the one that had hit the tower. I was so relieved that you had arrived in Canada safely. But was panicked when I saw that one of the planes where supposed to have Leighanne on it. And I was so sorry to hear one of your band members was killed going home to be with his family. A loss like that must have hit all of you hard. I got a call from your mom today. That’s how I knew you where safe. I still love you after all this time.

Randy

“ Mommy loves you.” Gracie said looking at the paper.

“ Yep that she does.” AJ said looking towards Meranda’s sleeping form. AJ couldn’t believe that no matter how long she had been gone she never once stopped loving him. Gracie snuggled further into his arms and looked down at the book.

“ Have you ever read this book munchkin?” AJ asked.

“ Nope, mommy was always writing in it.” Gracie said flipping a few more pages.

“ Read this one it’s recent daddy.” Gracie said.

“ Ok let’s see what’s going threw mommy’s head shall we.”

Oct. 25^th 2002

Our baby is almost six years old. But today I got horrible news. I had seen a doctor a few weeks ago and I guess something is wrong. I don’t want to tell Gracie that mommy is sick. I have to go in for some more tests just to be sure. The doctor is hoping it’s nothing major. I wish I could just call you and tell you what was going on. I am so scared of what it was. Please forgive me. Love you always.

Randy

Nov 12^th 2002

The tests where negative. Thank god. The doctor thought I had cancer and when the biopsy came back negative I nearly leaped for joy. I wish you could have seen my face. I was just so happy. Everything is just right with the world. I have to finish Christmas shopping. Gracie has a gift picked out for you, I just have to take her to the store to pick it up. I saw your picture on TV today. I wish you and the boys would get back together soon. Gracie misses seeing you. Love you

Randy

Dec 12^th 2003

My baby is sick, I don’t know what happened but now she’s sick. I called Nick and he said he’d be here with you and the others soon. I have to face you today. It scares me to death that I have to tell you first you have a daughter second that she’s sick. Love you see you soon

Randy.

“ Wow mommy wrote that just yesterday. Mommy was sick?” AJ asked looking at Gracie.

“ Yep, she was scared and everything. I remember her crying. But when the doctor man called she became happy again. Is grandma coming?” Gracie asked her eyes twinkling with delight.

“ Actually yes she is. What about your other grandma?”

“ She died couple of years ago. Mommy wrote that in the book and everything.” Gracie said looking at him if he was silly.

“ Well you’ve got Grandma McLean don’t you?”

“ Yep, Grandma Denise always gives me things that she said came from you. I have a white teddy bear she gave me.” She said. AJ smiled and remembered the day he had bought that teddy bear, his mother had asked him to pick a gift for a child, but never really told him what child. He was so happy now to hear that his Gracie got that bear. He looked down and saw that Gracie had fallen asleep again. Placing her on the bed he kissed her forehead and headed for the other room he needed some coffee. He found Nick, Brian Howie and Kevin sitting in the hall.

“ Hey.” He said looking at them.

“ How is she?” Nick asked, concern written all over his face.

“ She’s fine. A happy child even if she’s sick.” AJ said pride in his voice.

“ Yeah she’s a very happy child. J I am so sorry for keeping her a secret for so long.” Nick said looking at his friend.

“ You weren’t doing anything wrong Nick. I see that now. Randy kept a journal telling me what was going on. Everything from when Gracie was born till recently. She never wanted me to miss anything.”

“ She said she cared deeply for you. You know she never found anyone else to replace you in her heart.”

“ I’ve noticed she never made mention of another man.”

“ I know she didn’t. She was at every concert that she could get to. She was always talking to one of us asking how you where doing.”

“ I know, she wrote that in her journal. Thanks for helping her guys.”

“ Your family we would do it again if asked.” Nick said hugging his older friend.

“ Thanks.” AJ said whipping a tear away. “ My mom will be here in the morning.”

“ Good. We spoke to the doctor again. He’s going to be running blood tests again, to see how bad the lupus is.”

“ I remember when we got the call about Caroline. I know how much it hurt you to loose her Howie. I truly understand that more now than ever.” AJ said looking at his friend. Howie hugged his friend and looked towards the room. Standing there in the doorway in her nightgown and bare feet, Gracie rubbing her tired eyes she moves over to AJ and raises her arms to him, the little IV poll dragging behind her.

“ I had a bad dream daddy.” She said as AJ held her close. AJ held her close, he hadn’t known her very long but that little girl was his world, his reason for being and he could see his past present and future in her warm brown eyes.

“ Your ok, what was your dream about?”

“ I don’t know but it scared me daddy. Can you come and tuck me in?”

“ Sure thing munchkin.” AJ said carrying her back into the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ He’s taken to the roll of a father very well.” Kevin said with a huge smile.

“ Yes he has. I am as proud of him as you are. But what are we going to do with him when Gracie is gone?” Howie asked.

“ I am not sure, but we will have to wait and see.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meranda opened her sleepy eyes and looked towards the bed. She smiled as she saw AJ laying on the bed with Gracie in his arms. Kissing them both she stood and left the room. She looked out and found the hallway empty. She looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it was 4 am and knew that everyone had gone home and went to bed. She walked down the hall and saw the doctor going over a chart.

“ Dr Smith.”

“ Ah Miss Hunt. Has Mr. McLean spoken to you about what I talked to him about earlier?”

“ No, actually he hasn’t had a chance. I’ve been tired and fell asleep.”

“ We want to start her on some aggressive chemo as soon as possible and we need your permission.” The doctor said looking at her. Meranda nodded and signed the paper.

“ When do you start?”

“ First thing tomorrow. That way we can get her started.” The doctor told her.

“ Thanks.” Meranda said heading down the hall away from her daughter’s room. Tears streaming down her cheeks once more. She felt arms around her waist and a soft kiss on her neck.

“ Gracie will be fine.”

“ Oh Alex, our baby girl is so sick. What am I going to do if I lose her?” Meranda asked turning around and facing him. “ I want to spend Christmas with her, I want to spend everyday with her.” Meranda cried against his chest.

“ She will be spend all the time in the world with you. Our little girl will be around for a very long time.” AJ soothed. Meranda held on to him for dear life and cried. AJ rubbed small circles in her back. He really needed to find the others, comforting someone was something he wasn’t good at, but for Meranda he was going to be strong.

“ How about we take some time with her, I know your still tired lets get you back into bed.” AJ said leading her back into the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun streamed threw the window the next morning when Meranda and AJ woke suddenly when a shrill beeping filled the room. Meranda nearly leaped from where she was as a doctor and several nurses.

“ GRACIE!” Meranda cried as AJ pulled her back away from the bed. The nurse moved around the bed and began checking the monitors and then looked down at the bed to see a terrified six year old looking back up at her.

“ Hey sweetie. Your unhooked your monitor didn’t you.” She asked Gracie in a quiet voice. Gracie looked at the black thing that had been on her finger just a short time before.

“ Sowy.” She said shyly. The nurse touched the doctor’s arm and had him look at the little girl.

“ You scared us little one. But you’re alright and now how would you like to see mommy and daddy?” The doctor said stepping aside to let Meranda and AJ forward. Meranda looked down at her daughter.

“ Mommy I sorry.” She said holding her little arms out to her. Meranda gathered the small child into her arms and kissed her cheek.

“ Hey as long as you’re alright then it’s fine. Stay here with daddy mommy wants to talk to the doctor for a minuet.” Meranda said kissing Gracie’s cheek, Gracie released her mom and then grabbed onto AJ as Meranda left the room with the doctor.

“ Tell me about my daughter. How long does she have?”

“ We aren’t sure yet. But we are starting her chemo today. We will see how she reacts to that and go from there.”

“ Alright. I want to know when I can take my child home.”

“ Soon.”

“ What do you mean soon? I want a date.”

“ In a few days or maybe a week. We have to wait to see how the chemo goes.” The doctor said turning and walking away from her. Meranda sighed and leaned against the wall. She heard voices coming down the hall, she looked up to see the boys and Denise walking towards her.

“ How are you feeling hon.?” Denise asked her.

“ Had a scare this morning, but it was nothing Gracie had just moved wrong and knocked off her heart monitor. She’s in there cuddling with Alex.”

“ I bet that’s cute.” Denise said.

“ You can go in there with them. The doctor will be along to pick her up in an hour for her first chemo treatment.”

“ Alright. Everything will be alright.” Denise said hugging her and then headed into the room. Howie looked at Meranda and sighed.

“ Meranda how about we take a walk and talk.” Howie said taking her arm and led her away from the group. Meranda looked at Howie once they had gone outside.

“ Howie what do I do?”

“ Just be there for her. Caroline lived for a long time even had children before the lupus took her from us.”

“ The doctor is saying my angel has an advanced case.”

“ He didn’t say just advanced.”

“ That’s all he said. I am having the worst time of my life. I don’t understand why god has decided that it’s time to punish me.”

“ He’s not punishing you. It’s something unforeseen that has happened. Just let the doctor help her.” Howie said pulling her into a hug. Meranda began crying again and held on to him. She didn’t understand why things where happening but it was and it was like her life was coming to a stop.

“ I need some time alone.” Meranda finally said, she had seen the doctors come and take Gracie from her room, for her first round of treatments.

“ You take a walk, be careful it’s cold and has started raining outside.” Howie said looking at her. Meranda nodded and left the floor. Howie looked towards Gracie’s room to see AJ coming from the room.

“ Where’s Randy going?”

“ For a walk. She needed some time alone.” Howie said walking towards AJ.

“ I wish she’d talk to me. I know that lupus isn’t something she was expecting Gracie to have but I wish they’d just tell us how long we have with our little girl.”

“ She’s a strong child give her more time. Why don’t you read that journal that Randy made for you. Maybe there is some more things in there.” Howie suggested.

“ Yeah I was thinking about going and sitting in the cafeteria and getting something to eat and read some more of the book. It’s a rather large book.”

“ It’s six years of telling you everything that had been going on. She always wanted you to know about Gracie and there where times I would tell her to call you.”

“ I know.”

“ Did you finally end things with Sarah?”

“ After what I read in the journal last night, yep things are totally over with her for good.” AJ said, his hand running threw his hair.

“ Good, that girl was always bad for you. Go get that book. Gracie is going to be in there for a while.” Howie said looking at him again. AJ nodded and stepped back into the room. He picked up the leather bound book and came back out of the room.

“ I am going down to the cafeteria, do you want to come along?”

“ Sure. I’ll drink some tea and read that book with you.” Howie said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meranda walked down the road, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. She couldn’t handle this, no matter what they said that a mother can handle anything but she knew that she couldn’t handle this.

“ Meranda Hunt?” She heard a female voice ask. Meranda stopped and looked at the woman.

“ Yes I am.” Meranda said looking at the woman. She looked familiar and she didn’t know why she had seen her before. Suddenly the woman standing in front of her reached out and struck her hard across the face. Meranda stumbled backwards bringing her hand up on her now wounded face.

“ You’re the reason he wouldn’t commit to me. You’re the bitch that his heart always belonged to. You’re the reason that he would never tell me he loved me.”

“ You’re the reason that he ended up in rehab.” Meranda growled standing up. “ What’s the matter Sarah couldn’t handle the ghosts from his past?”

“ I could handle Amanda just fine but it was you I was having problems with. He always talked about you. Even kept a picture of you in his wallet. Now you bring a child into his life.”

“ You knew about Gracie, she was always having me send him cards. The last one that was sent had her picture.”

“ Yes I know I saw it. If nothing else I will give credit Alex helps produce beautiful children. I wanted that with him. I kept throwing out things that came from you, keeping you out of his heart.”

“ Kind of hard to keep the love of his life out of his heart. I saw his shows. Even went to a few Johnny No Name shows when he was doing that. I always made sure that I saw him. Even brought Gracie. She knows who her father is and now he knows his little girl.”

“ But you waited till she was dying to tell him that he even had one. What couldn’t handle loosing her without having Alex.”

“ Alex hasn’t been with you since he left rehab the last time. You caused him to start drinking again when you told him he should move away from his mother and his friends.” Meranda said to her. Sarah just laughed, and took another step forward hitting Meranda again.

“ Bitch here is the deal, you and your daughter die and leave Alex alone and I get to pick up the pieces of his broken life.”

“ And if my daughter and I live. Remember she’s being treated right now at one of the best hospitals in Florida. And how exactly are you getting me out of the way? I am perfectly healthy.”

“ Not for long.” Sarah hissed swinging the bat she had been hiding. Meranda brought up her arm to deflect the blow and heard her arm break. Screaming in pain she clutched her broken arm to her chest. Sarah looked around, she knew the minuet Meranda screamed in pain someone would be coming. Taking one last swing she heard another bone break and then dropped the bat. Meranda slowly made her way to her feet and painfully made her way back to the hospital, she knew her entire right arm was broken. That last blow Sarah had done broke the shoulder. Meranda made her way threw the front doors and then passed out on the floor. Brian and Kevin had seen her coming and then saw her collapse to the floor.

“ Randy?” Brian ran to his friend’s side. Blood ran from Meranda’s mouth, he could tell she had split her lip.

“ We need some help here.” Kevin shouted down the hall. A doctor came running with a nurse. Seeing Meranda’s fallen form he told the nurse to grab a gurney.

“ I’ll go get Alex.” Kevin said running down the hall towards the cafeteria.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AJ was looking over the book that sat on the table. He noticed that Meranda had put a picture of him and then one of Gracie next to it.

“ She put a lot of work into this. I mean look at this. She had our names ingraved into the top of it placed our pictures on it. Man D she spent so much time and effort on this. I read one entry, she was sick, she had to send Gracie to mom’s and spent her time in the hospital. Did you know she was in the hospital?’

“ No, that I didn’t know.”

“ I did.” Denise said sitting down next to her son.

“ Why ma? Why didn’t you call me?”

“ She asked me not to and told me it was nothing. That she had let a cold get to far. She spent three days in the hospital and then came home. I didn’t ask any questions. And I am betting she didn’t write anything about why she was there.”

“ Nope not one word.”

“ She had caught pnemonia and was very sick for a few days. The doctors worried about her that she had waited so long. Believe me Alex she would have wanted you there.” Denise said looking at her son. She looked up as Kevin came running into the cafeteria.

“ What’s wrong?” AJ asked instantly standing.

“ It’s Randy.” Kevin said looking at him. Howie stood and looked at Kevin.

“ What about Randy?” Howie asked. Kevin looked at him, Howie could see the fear in his eyes. “ Kevin what’s wrong with her?”

“ She’s been attacked. Beaten pretty badly.” Kevin said, as soon as the words left his mouth AJ was down the hall sprinting in the direction Kevin had just come from.

“ How bad?” Denise asked.

“ She passed out just as she got into the building. She’s bleeding and I could tell she’s got several broken bones. I don’t know what kind of person would do this to her but she’s hurt pretty bad.”

“ Alright come on lets go check on her.” Denise said as she Howie and Kevin walked back down the hallway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AJ came running down the hall nearly running to Brian and Nick.

“ Where is she?” AJ asked in a rush.

“ They took her into the OR. Man she’s been messed up badly.”

“ Who? Who did it?” AJ asked looking around.

“ We are going to have to wait for her to be conscious again to find out.” Nick said looking at his friend.

“ Why did she take a walk alone?”

“ It’s not that dark outside and during this time of year people usually don’t do things like this.”

“ How bad was she?”

“ I’d say her right arm is completely broken. Her lip has been split. They are taking her into surgery to find out how badly her arm is broken. Who ever did this was out to do a whole lot more damage.” Brian said looking at his friend. “ The doctor knows who you are. Go be with Gracie. We will come to you when he’s done with Meranda.”

“ Alright.” AJ said heading down the hall, his mind reeling over what had just been told to him. What was he going to tell Gracie? How could he tell her that her mommy had been hurt? AJ walked into the room and saw Gracie sitting there on her bed, her eyes red and puffy, he could tell she had been crying.

“ Hey munchkin what’s wrong?”

“ Mommy’s not here. You promised.”

“ I am sorry munchkin, mommy wasn’t feeling well. She’ll be in soon.”

“ Ok. Where were you?”

“ Talking to grandma. Do you want to see grandma?” He asked.

“ Sure. My tummy hurts the doctor said the stuff would make my tummy icky.”

“ I know you just sit there and I will read you a book.”

“ Ok daddy.” Gracie said climbing up better on the bed and laying back on the mattress. AJ moved his hand threw her dark hair getting it out of her eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Doctor Russell finally came out of the operating room. She found the small group gathered waiting for her return.

“ I am Doctor Linda Russell, I was working on Meranda Hunt. Are you here for her?”

“ Yes, how is she?”

“ She’s going to be fine. She broke her right arm. Dislocated her right shoulder and needed three stitches in her lip. I am having her moved into the room with her daughter.”

“ Thank you Dr.” Brian said shaking her hand.

“ It’s my job. She should be able to leave in a few days.”

“ Thank you again.” Brian said leading the group towards Gracie’s room.

“ Gracie is going to be so upset. Nick run a head and find out if they moved her in there yet.” Brian said to his young friend. Nick nodded and headed hurriedly down the hall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AJ looked up as the door to the room opened. And a gurney was wheeled in. AJ’s eyes got wide as he walked towards the bed next to Gracie’s. His daughter had long gone to sleep. He looked at the sleeping figure in the other bed and ran his finger over Meranda’s cheek. Her right arm in a sling across that a band holding her arm tightly to her body. Her lip swollen and her eyes close.

“ My Angel.” AJ whispered kissing her cheek. AJ stood up straight startled as Nick rushed into the room.

“ Shush.” AJ hissed looking at him. Nick saw that Meranda was already there and resting.

“ Sorry.” Nick’s voice just barely above a whisper, AJ nodded and looked towards his girls.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AJ looked at Meranda while she lay on her bed, her eyes focusing on the far wall away from his site.

“ Baby talk to me.” AJ said moving towards her. Meranda turned her eyes to him and smiled a bit.

“ About what?’ She asked him.

“ Who did this?”

“ Take a shot in the dark.”

“ Sarah?”

“ Give the boy a cookie.” She said sarcastically.

“ Baby, god I’m sorry. That woman is the last thing on my mind. Baby I never expected her to do something like that.”

“ I know she just kept telling me that I was what kept her from you, from you being able to love her with you entire heart.”

“ I couldn’t love her and now after all she’s done I will never let her come near you again.”

“ Alex how is Gracie?”

“ Resting, the medication made her sick. They came while you where sleeping and took her for another treatment.”

“ Our little girl is dying isn’t she?”

“ Yeah she is.” AJ said sitting down on Meranda’s bed and pulling her into his arms. Meranda rested her head against his chest as best she could.

“ I need to stay strong for our little girl.”

“ No you don’t let her see what you are, human.” AJ said running his fingers threw her hair.

“ Alex, she’s dying and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I always told her mommy would protect her from the monsters but I can’t protect her now.”

“ You can protect her as best you can. Just remember we are here for her. And if she does leave us she will still be watching over us. Randy my love please believe me when I say I am sorry for everything I’ve done.”

“ Alex I am the one that left you. The one that kept your daughter from you and now you could lose her forever.”

“ But I’ve had her for a short time and that’s all that matters.” AJ said feeling Meranda start to cry. He looked over her shoulder towards the bed where the small child was sleeping. Gracie’s face was paler than it had been when he had come there two days before. He knew she was losing her battle but he wasn’t willing to give up on her just yet. He didn’t want to give up on that little angel. AJ reached over and touched Meranda’s cheek and whipped the tears away.

“ She will be our angel forever.” AJ said.

“ Yeah she will be.” Meranda said snuggling up closer to him. She was tired again and finally she fell asleep in his arms. AJ ran his fingers threw her hair and finally looked around the silent room. He smiled and closed his eyes and he too drifted off to sleep.

“ They are sleeping.” Nick said pulling the door closed.

“ They need it, all of them. I am going to speak to the doctor.” Denise said heading down the hall. Kevin stood near the door, taking the roll of father he looked at his younger brothers seeing each of their pain and sadness for the little girl just beyond the door he stood in front of.

“ Guys how about we perk up her spirits with a song?” Kevin suggested.

“ Like what? AJ isn’t really in a singing mood.” Brian pointed out.

“ We’ve sang without him before we can do it again.” Kevin said looking at them.

“ But what? I don’t even know what song would make them happy? Nick you got any suggestions?”

“ Nope but give me time I will think of something.” Nick said with a sly smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meranda moved out from under AJ’s protective hold. She knew he was worried about the safety of his family. After what had happened during her encounter with Sarah. She slipped from the room unnoticed, her right arm was killing her but she needed to find and talk to the doctor.

“ You shouldn’t be up.”

“ Sorry, I was wondering if I could talk to you about Gracie.”

“ Little Gracie, she’s a very sick child.”

“ How much longer do I have with my angel.”

“ I’d say a few days maybe a week. What we are doing isn’t helping. We are unsure of how sick she really was when she first arrived here.”

“ Will my baby live till Christmas? Her father is really wanting to spend the holiday with her.”

“ I am hoping so.” The doctor told her.

“ Thank you.” Meranda said heading back into Gracie’s room.

“ Miss Hunt, please remember she’s a very sick child. We may have to move her to ICU soon.”

“ I know.” Meranda said entering the room. She looked at her daughter and then towards AJ. She looked at him and watched him sleep, she heard him call her his angel and then she knew that she wasn’t ready to accept him back into her heart.

“ Hey what are you doing up?” AJ asked opening his eyes.

“ I needed to talk to the doctor. I wanted to know how bad our baby was. He’s not promising that she will live to see Christmas.”

“ She’s a fighter just like her mother.”

“ I don’t want her to fight if she is too ill I don’t want her to think I am forcing her to stay around for me.” Meranda said looking away from AJ.

“ Come pray with me.” Brian said looking at her. Meranda looked at him and nodded, she hadn’t notice them come in. Howie moved to the bed and sat down next to it.

“ Go with Brian, but ride in the wheelchair.” AJ requested of her. Meranda nodded and sat down in the wheelchair and allowed Brian to wheel her from the room. AJ looked at the bed where his daughter lay sleeping.

“ I am going to lose her aren’t I?” AJ asked looking at Howie.

“ Sooner or later yes.” Howie answered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian came to a stop at the chapel and sat down next to Meranda.

“ Let’s pray and see if we can put your daughter’s life in his hands.”

“ She’s already in his hands Brian, that is what I fear is that I am going to lose her to him.”

“ Randy, don’t think of it that way.”

“ Why not? Brian I already know that she’s dying and she will die soon.”

“ Then let her life be in his hands.”

“ Don’t preach to me Brian, I already know this and I don’t want to give her up to him, not right now. She’s only six.” Meranda cried. “ Six years old. And now it’s like she’s going to be leaving me.” Brian looked at her, he wasn’t sure what to say to her anymore, he lowered his head and prayed. Meranda finally pushed herself from the chapel and left him alone. She couldn’t handle this anymore.

Meranda rolled herself down the hallway and moved into the room where Gracie lay sleeping. She grabbed the journal and began writing in it.

Dec 15^th 2003

It’s almost Christmas my angel. Your daddy finally came and he’s been with you everyday since we came to the hospital. But I fear that I will lose you soon. I wish you could stay with me forever but I know that it’s impossible to have that dream. But what little of your life I have with you I will cherish it all.

Randy

Meranda placed the book open on the table and slid back into the bed and drifted off to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AJ looked at the Calendar and saw that it was three days before Christmas and Gracie had been moved to ICU about two days before that, her body was starting to shut down and they had put her on life support. She was still breathing on her own so that was a good sign. But the doctor knew it was only a matter of time before Gracie would leave them.

“ It’s almost Christmas my angel.” AJ said kissing Gracie’s cheek. He looked at her pale skin and thin body. Gracie gave him a weak smile and held her arms out to him.

“ Daddy.” She said her voice weak. AJ sat down on the edge of the bed and held her small body into his arms.

“ Hey there munchkin. How are you feeling today?”

“ Not good.” She answered looking at him. AJ knew that was the truth.

“ I know baby.” AJ said kissing her forehead. He felt the warmth that radiated from her body. AJ looked towards the door to see the nurse entering the room.

“ Good afternoon Mr. McLean just checking her vitals.” The nurse said. She began checking Gracie’s pulse and blood pressure.

“ I’ll be right back munchkin.” AJ said kissing Gracie’s cheek. AJ stepped into the hall to find Meranda talking to the doctor again. He hated seeing her so upset but at least she was finally facing the truth that their angel was dying. And no matter what they did they couldn’t stop it. Nick had surprised them a week before by entering the hotel room and began singing for them. Gracie was so happy to have him there and her favorite song off of Nick’s very own album. It had lifted their spirits and helped them cope with what was going to happen. AJ had told them to carry on and not to let this end their lives. Brian had returned to his wife and young son, Kevin had returned to his wife. Howie came and went daily as he worked on a few fundraisers for his foundation. Nick wasn’t far away no matter how much Meranda and AJ told him to go home. Nick had been in Gracie’s life since day one and this illness was hitting him harder than anyone of the other boys. AJ walked over and put his arms around Meranda.

“ She’s only got a matter of time.” The doctor said looking at them.

“ She’s talking and everything.” AJ said looking at him strangely.

“ Yes I know, but that’s usually when they are at their worst.” The doctor said. Meranda leaned back against AJ and sighed.

“ I know.” Meranda said heading back into the room. AJ sat down outside the room, he wasn’t sure what to do. He sighed and did the one thing he hadn’t done in a long time he headed for the chapel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ Meranda wake up.” AJ said some haste in his voice. Meranda moaned but never opened her eyes. He looked towards their daughter and watched as the doctor and nurse hurried to put a tube down the child’s throat to help her breath. He had only gone to the chapel to pray he never expected that his prayer would cause this. He knew that him praying wasn’t the reason that he was watching his daughter suffer but he wanted something to blame it on.

“ Why isn’t Randy waking up?”

“ We sedated her. She was having a panic attack when we came in here during the code blue.”

“ I need to call my mother.” AJ said running a shaky hand threw his hair. The doctor nodded and left AJ alone with his daughter and girl. AJ reached over and picked up the phone and dialed his mother’s number.

“ Ma.” AJ said chocking back a sob.

“ What’s the matter?”

“ Soon ma, I’ll be losing her soon.”

“ Oh baby, I’ll be right there. Do you want me to call the others?”

“ Yes please.” AJ said finally letting the tears roll down his cheeks.

“ Honey we will be there with you. Randy said she was going to put a Christmas tree in the room did she?”

“ Yeah it’s here. Ma, Christmas is just two days away. My baby isn’t going to see Christmas.”

“ She will hold out she wants to be with you.”

“ They put her on a breathing machine.” AJ said crying.

“ Baby I will be there soon. I love you.”

“ I love you to ma.” AJ said hanging up the phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Denise rushed into the hospital only an hour after speaking to her son. Phone calls needed to be made and people needed to be notified. Nick was the first to arrive after Denise, she had called him last, trying to compose herself about her granddaughter. Nick had brought a lupus bear he had gotten from Howie the year before, he walked inside and stood at the door of the room. Howie arrived next, his hands shaking, he hadn’t been there when Caroline had died but he couldn’t miss being there when his angel Gracie passed. Kevin arrived a short time later. Followed by Brian and Leighanne.

“ How’s she doing?” Nick asked still standing in the doorway. He couldn’t bring himself to enter the room. His heart was breaking over the sick child behind the door.

“ She’s bad. She hasn’t opened her eyes since they put the tube down her throat.” AJ said looking at his young friend. He turned towards the room and heard Meranda crying behind the closed door.

“ I have something for Meranda.” AJ said fighting his own tears.

“ What?” Nick asked looking at him. AJ pulled a small diamond ring from his pocket. The red velvet box it sat in was as pretty as the ring.

“ You’re going to ask her to marry you?”

“ That was what I was going to ask her before she left me six years ago. I promised Gracie mommy and daddy would never be apart.” AJ said finally letting the tears roll down his cheeks. Nick hugged AJ and began to cry himself.

“ Come on let’s go see Gracie.” AJ said leading his friend into the room. They both looked at the little girl that lay on the bed, her chest rising and falling with the sound of the machine.

“ Alex.” Meranda said turning and facing him, her eyes red and puffy from crying.

“ I know baby I know.” AJ said taking her into his arms. He slipped the ring out of his pocket and placed it on her finger.

“ What’s this?” She asked looking down at the ring.

“ Something I promised our little girl.” AJ said kissing her cheek. He could feel the new tears that began to fall as she held tightly to Gracie’s hand. She could hear the faint beeping of the machine as it slowed with Gracie’s heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meranda refused to leave her daughter’s side. She knew it was only a matter of time before the angels came and took her baby away. AJ stepped up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

“ Baby, please get something to eat, you haven’t left this room in two days. Get some rest I wont leave her side.”

“ I don’t know how much longer she’s going to be around I don’t want to be gone if it happens.”

“ Meranda go stretch, now.” AJ said looking at her. Meranda stood and slowly made her way towards the door. Her arm was throbbing and she knew that she should have gotten some sleep but she couldn’t. Meranda walked down the dark hallway and made her way threw the ICU unit. Seeing other families standing vigil with their children, mothers, fathers and others. She hated the way she felt losing her only daughter. She walked towards the chapel and knelt down in front of the cross and looked up at it.

“ Hi again lord. Yep me again, I’ve been praying more in the last few weeks than I have in a long time. But it’s coming close to the time before my angel becomes yours. Please watch over her for me. And tell her mommy will always love her. And tell her mommy will be with her again some day.” Meranda said whipping the tears away.

“ It gets better.” Meranda heard a voice behind her say. She stood and looked towards an older woman that had been praying towards the back of the chapel.

“ How? How does it get better? My Little girl is dying and I don’t have much more time with her.”

“ You’ve got all the time in the world with her. Plus everything the lord lets you have. Always remember she’s in your heart.” The older woman said.

“ I know. And now her father has asked me to marry him. Our daughters last wish.”

“ Always make a child’s last wish a memorable one. But make sure that if your marrying this man you love him. Don’t do this just because she asked you to.”

“ I do love him, I have loved him since the first day I laid eyes on him, and the days that followed right up to the birth of our daughter.”

“ Then be with him. And love him, no matter that your child isn’t going to be around anymore remember that she’s in your heart and in each of you every day and remember she loves you.”

“ Thanks. Talking to you helped.” Meranda said hugging the older woman. Meranda looked up towards the doorway and saw Nick standing there with tears in his eyes. Meranda hurried out of the older woman’s arms and hurried from the chapel. She knew the look on Nick’s face and knew that her baby was gone. The old woman stood for a few minuets longer and then looked towards the doorway.

“ I love you mommy.” She said with that she was gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meranda stepped into the room and looked towards AJ and then at the figure that lay on the bed, the machine’s all off and that meant she knew that her daughter had gone. Meranda rushed to the bedside and dropped to her knees.

“ My Angel. My sweet Angel. I will miss you. I love you.” Meranda said kissing her daughters cheek. Tears rolling down her cheeks like a river. AJ stood and moved behind her and began rubbing her back as she sobbed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meranda sat silently at the gravesite. Dressed all in black her eyes down cast she felt AJ take her hand in his as they sat threw the service. She felt Denise’s hands on her shoulders and Nick gently squeeze her hand. She had spoke to the doctor after the death of her daughter and found that it was a tumor that had killed Gracie. During the treatments they had been giving Gracie it seemed a blood clot had formed they didn’t catch and it had burst, killing her. Meranda wanted to die right then knowing that if they had caught it she would still have her child. But when Gracie had slipped into a coma she was sure it was the Lupus that had killed her child. Knowing the truth didn’t help. The service had ended and Meranda stood alone by the now covered grave. She looked at the headstone and smiled.

* By the grace of god, Grace Angel McLean is now with god, giving what once was a wonderful life to another. A sweet angel on earth now in Heaven. *

AJ had picked out what the headstone would say and even asked if they could put her proper last name on the headstone, Meranda could think of nothing else so beautiful than what her daughter had showed her about forgiveness and love. She touched the headstone and then leaned down and kissed it.

“ Goodbye my angel.” Meranda said, she stood and felt a light breeze pass over her cheek. She looked up at the sky and smiled. “ I love you too.” Meranda said quietly.

“ Hey come on Randy.” AJ called out to her. Meranda turned and walked towards him. He took her hand and helped her into the awaiting limo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ Randy honey what are you doing?” AJ asked stepping into the living room.

“ I am working on the crib.” Meranda giggled as AJ finally went looking for her. He found her in a small room just off their bedroom.

“ What are you doing?” AJ asked coming up behind her and kissing her neck.

“ Checking the crib, I mean it’s almost time.” Meranda said smiling at him.

“ Yes I know. And I feel that it’s a wonderful thing.”

“ So what do you think our baby is a boy or a girl?”

“ I don’t care as long as she or he is happy and healthy.”

“ Then I think we best get going.”

“ Why?”

“ Because my water just broke.” Meranda said looking at the floor. AJ looked down and then helped her from the house and out to the car.

AJ paced the waiting room as he waited, he wasn’t sure he could handle being in there with Meranda plus she had kicked him out twice, so he decided it was safer for him to wait in the hall. The nurse peeked her head out of the room,

“ Mr. McLean your wife is asking for you.” She said motioning for him to come back into the room. AJ smiled and hurried into the room.

“ I’m sorry.” AJ said looking at her. He stood at her side holding her hand while she gave birth, he smiled this was the one thing he had missed during Gracie’s birth. He looked at the doctor and then back at Meranda.

“ Push baby, one more big push and we will have a healthy baby.” AJ said kissing her forehead. Meranda growled and one last push and she finally heard the shrill cry of her new baby.

“ It’s a girl.” The doctor said looking up at the new proud parents.

“ A girl Alex, a baby girl.” Meranda said looking at him.

“ What should we name our little angel?”

“ Just that, Angel Grace McLean.” She said with a smile.

“ I love it, I love you.” He said kissing her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AJ ran threw the house grabbing toys and other items that he noticed that where thrown all over the floor.

“ Meranda what are you doing to her?” AJ asked hearing Angel crying.

“ I am changing her.” Meranda shouted back down the hallway.

“ Well it sounds like your killing her.”

“ She needs to see the doctor again. I think her hip is out.”

“ So take her to the doctor and deal with it. Come on the guys are coming over they want to see Angel.”

“ Darling is Nick bringing his little sister?”

“ You mean is Nick bringing Angel yes he is.”

“ I bet she’s excited to meet our Angel.” Meranda said coming into the room holding Angel in her arms, the year old child wiggling to get out of her arms. Meranda set Angel down and watched her toddle over and played with the toys on the floor. Meranda walked over and snuggled up to AJ as they watched their daughter play with her toys. Meranda looked up at the picture on the mantel.

“ I bet Gracie would have been a great big sister.” Meranda said looking at AJ.

“ Yep, and I know she’s watching our Angel from heaven.”

“ That she is. I love you Alex McLean.”

“ I love you Meranda McLean.” AJ said kissing Meranda. Hearing the doorbell they broke apart and AJ went to answer the door. Meranda moved over to the Christmas tree that stood in the corner and picked up Angel.

“ Hey baby girl. Put this on the tree.” Meranda said holding out a small orniment to her daughter. Angel took it and placed it haphazardly on the tree. Meranda laughed and set her daughter down as everyone entered the room. Meranda smiled as she watched Angel giggle and hurry towards the people that had entered the house. Meranda touched the picture of Gracie and smiled.

“ Merry Christmas my darling.” Meranda said, and then turned towards her guests. She knew her daughter was watching them from heaven and with Angel all was going to be alright.

The End

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