Choices

By: Carm

"Alexander James McLean--"

AJ's eyes instantly rolled then closed. He took in a deep breath and let it flow slowly from his mouth. He could still smell the shampoo on his hands from his recent hairwash, and could feel the satin of Herbal Essence Body Wash as his hands clasped together. He was revived, revigorated, and completely not in the mood for a lecture. "B-Rok, please--"

"Please, what?"

"Don't start this again."

"Don't start what?" Brian asked as he sat down across from him. "Don't say how much hell I get because like a jerk, you dumped your girlfriend?"

"I didn't dump her. It was a mutual thing."

Brian leaned over and slapped him in the back of the head and AJ instantly opened his eyes. "Mutual my ass."

"Seriously. We were better off--"

"You're so full of it, McLean. I've heard what happened from more reliable sources than you and you are not the good guy here."

"Why do you keep bringing this up?" AJ raised his head and sighed. "It's been-- five months, ten days, and--"

"You're horrible."

"What?"

"Why have you been counting the days?"

"I haven't."

"You're a pathological liar. That has to be it." Brian mumbled more under his breath before standing. "I'm done with this today. I have an unhappy, grouchy and very pregnant wife waiting for me at home. And the sad thing? I'd rather be there with her and hear whatever she has to bitch to me about this time, than sit here and look at you." Brian sighed one more time before leaving.

AJ shrugged and hung his head again. He wanted to know where things had really gone wrong. The excuse he gave her was just that-- an excuse. He loved her. Had loved her and always would love her. So, why the hell did he break her heart? He didn't have a clue, but he did know that he wanted everyone else to leave him alone. And looking up as Nick came in pouting, he knew that wasn't going to happen.

When Brian walked into the house, his wife was lounging on the sofa, talking on the phone. He sighed as he slowly closed the door and moved farther in. The look on her face, despite her words, were full of disbelief. Which meant only one thing-- she was talking about AJ.

"Uh huh... Yeah, you are... and that date will be... right. You should just go and have fun... yes, you do deserve it.... Yup... Um.. Em, look, I gotta run... yup. So, I'll bitch... right... then call ya later. Bye." She hung up the phone and looked at Brian. "She's lying through her teeth," she told him.

"About?"

"Oh, the usual. She's over AJ. She's gonna have a kickass date and have so much fun that AJ won't even cross her mind. She doesnt' even think about him. Yeah, right. Then why did I hear every song where AJ has a major part in it playing in the background? I swear, she must have made an AJ CD or something."

"It can't be that bad."

"Oh yeah? Some of those songs are from imports done back when Nickie was 13."

"Wow."

"Yup. So, ya know it as well as I do. She still loves him."

"I think AJ does, too." He sighed as he sat down on the sofa, placing her legs in his lap. Absently, his hand reached out and he began to rub her extended belly. "He just spent the afternoon trying to convince me that it was a mutual breakup."

"Mutual my ass!"

"That's what I said."

"Yeah, right."

"Seriously. I was really upset."

"Must've been."

"That's not the point, though. The point is that he kept his eyes shut so I couldn't see what's in them."

"They're both stubborn," she said as she laid her hand over his.

"As stubborn as can be, Carmie. Just like you."

"What? I'm relaxing." His wife looked at him innocently and Brian just shook his head. "What?"

"You're 6 months pregnant and should be in the bed."

"Hey. I'm not on tour, am I?"

"Well--"

"So, see? I'm a good girl. You know I'm supposed to be on my own tour right now--"

"But, you aren't, so forget it."

"Carson misses me on TRL."

"And I would care because?"

"You're no fair."

"Bed, baby."

"I like this sofa," she pouted.

"The bed is better."

"But--"

"Carmaletta Littrell--"

She growled at the use of her full name, then sighed. "Fine. I'll lay in the bed. But only if you lay with me."

"I think I can accommodate that." Brian stood, then took her hand, helping her up. Carefully, he walked her upstairs and laid her in the bed. Lying down next to her, he smiled. He had the job, the wife, and would soon have the child he always wanted. It made him wonder just how AJ could just throw the woman he loved away so easily. What was the explanation. Brian couldn't even think of one, because nothing could ever be that drastic for him. With a sigh, he pulled Carm close and kissed her forehead. They smiled at one another, then both fell asleep with the same thoughts on their mind. "They should be as happy as we are."

Emily stopped as she saw the people sitting across the room. She recognized all three but she was glaring at one in particular. Her dark hair hung down her back as she leaned into the blonde next to her. Emily continued to walk until she got near enough to hear and be heard. The laughter caught her ears but the eyes on her caught her attention. She looked over and saw Joey Fatone staring at her, and she turned her head to the side. This was not going to be a good idea.

"Um-- Sarah?" The brunette looked up at her, then stood, giving her a hug.

"It's about time you showed up," she told her.

"Um--" She kept the hug tight and whispered, "Why is Joey Fatone over there? Where's my date?"

"He is your date, silly."

"Um-- no he's not."

"Em--" She sighed. "I know you like him, and he's said that he likes you. What's the problem?"

"Oh, let's see. Two initials and a McLean?" she said, sarcastically.

"Posh! You're broken up! Now, sit down already."

Emily rolled her eyes at her then took her seat, conveniently placed on Joey's side of the booth. She was uncomfortable, especially when her leg touched his. She couldn't deny that he was attractive. And she had always been a fan of his high notes and his performing. But, things were more complicated than that. This was a member of 'NSync, currently going head to head with the Boys on Total Request Live. And more than that-- he was, at times, their equivalent to AJ. Just that thought made her start. Was that why she was so interested in him? That was a possibility, but it had to be more than that.

She and AJ had been-- she didn’t know what they had really been, but it had been something, and it had often felt special. Being with someone else, especially with one of his group's top musical rivals, just didn't seem right. Even though they were broken up, she felt like she was betraying AJ and couldn't get that loose from her mind. She couldn't help but wonder what he'd think about her being out on a date with Joey.

The singer and dancer looked to the woman next to him and could tell what she was thinking. He'd never had much of a problem with AJ or any of the Backstreet Boys before, other than the stigma that the media and hardcore fans put on them. They were a great group and he'd even bought a few of the CD's and caught the concerts on cable. Though, he had to admit that he watched them more for a dancer in the background than for anything else.

Since the first time he'd seen her at the MTV Music Awards, on AJ McLean's arm, he had been enthralled. Her long jet black hair with streaks of blue against her pale face. Her dark, round eyes. And her smile as she looked into the camera, reveling in the attention of America. When AJ introduced her, he heard her name and though it was kind of plain, it was beautiful. Emily Prescott. And then they said she was a dancer and his first thought was to try to get her for the tour. But, that quickly changed as he heard the words "happy," "girlfriend," and "great to have on tour with me." But, even that didn't make him hate AJ. It gave him some kind of realism so that he didn't look at her every time he saw her as something attainable. She was to become a distant desire that, if he were lucky, he'd one day get.

And now, it seemed that chance was there. First, the reports came and were confirmed that the two had broken up. And then Sarah said something about her needing to go out and JC had mentioned to him that he'd jumped just a little too quickly at the offer. Joey had just flipped him off. He was excited. A date with the woman he'd been wanting to at least meet face to face for more time than he could remember. It was like some kind of fate or something. But, that fate wasn't quite so certain with the thoughts of her ex that he knew were going through her head.

Sarah looked at the two of them and shook her head. She turned to her boyfriend, Lance Bass, and caught him looking at the same sight that she was just seeing. She turned back to the two and sighed. "You don't act like this on a date, you know," she said with a frown.

"Sarah--" Emily said, moaning.

"Emily--" she retorted.

"Um-- it's cool, Sar," Joey told her. He kept his eyes on Emily. They had never left her. "If you'd rather be somewhere else--"

"She wouldn't," Sarah told him. "She's happy where she is."

"Sarah," Lance said softly. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea?"

"It was a great idea! I came up with it! So, of course, it was great. Those two just need to stop the quiet staring and actually talk to one another. Now-- Joey, why don't you tell Em about the video shoot for Pop."

"I already saw it," Emily said softly, jumping in before he could answer. She turned her head to him finally and gave a small smile. "Nice job there. Um-- your leg--"

"It's fine," he smiled at her. "I'm not the most careful person in the world."

"You and--" She stopped before she said his name.

"It's okay," he told her. "I've heard about the things that happen. It's a freaky business."

"Yeah. I did a jump over Brian's head once and broke my ankle. And still had the nerve to finish the song."

"Wow," he said laughing.

"Yeah. I got my ass chewed for that one."

"I'd have chewed it for ya, too." He stopped, rethinking what he'd just said. "Um-- that didn't come out right," he said as he looked at the grins on the faces of the other three.

"Um-- I think I get your drift," Emily said, letting out a small laugh.

"See, that wasn't so hard was it?" he asked.

"What?"

"That laugh."

"I guess not."

"It was beautiful."

"Um, thanks. So is your, um, accent."

"Thanks."

They smiled at one another and from there conversation seemed to lighten up to an almost straight flow. Sarah watched them both, happy with herself. She'd been tired of watching Joey watch BSB concerts over and over again to see Em, and tired of Em thinking so much about AJ. With any luck, however, her thoughts of McLean would change to Fatone.

The doorbell rang early the next morning. Carm rolled over, as much as she could, and shoved Brian out of the bed. "Get the door," she muttered, drowsily. Brian looked up at her confused and she repeated her statement. As the bell rang again, it finally dawned on him what he was waken up for and went downstairs.

The door opened and he rolled his eyes. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Sure do. It's a little after 8am."

"So, why are you up and at my door?"

"Because I need to speak to your wife, goofball." She laughed and moved past him, then headed up the stairs. Brian followed the brunette up, growling about lack of sleep when he was supposed to have the time to sleep and watched her go into the bedroom. "Why are you still in bed?" Emily asked, flopping down beside the mass in the center.

"Because I'm starting to realize that Brian had a point about the bed being the best place for me in my delicate condition."

"Yeah, right."

"Well, how about Brian's kid was kickin' me all night long and I haven't had much sleep?"

"That makes more sense." She turned her head to Brian. "Why are you just standing there?"

"I'm deciding if I'm gonna get to go back to my bed, but I doubt it." He sighed and rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna go sleep in the baby's room," he grunted as he walked away.

Emily turned back to Carm and shook her head. "Dude, what's up his ass?"

"Hm? Oh, I made him stay up and talk to me and his baby all night. If I can't sleep, neither can he."

"Oh, that's cruel!" she said, with a giggle.

"Dude-- why the hell are you giggling? And all happy and shit this early in the morning?"

"Because--" As Carm moved over and sat up, Emily fell flat backwards on the bed. "I had the most incredible date I've had in a long time."

Carm looked at her in shock. She hadn't really thought that the date would go so well, especially not to have her up before noon. "Um-- what exactly happened on this date?"

Emily caught the jaded look and shook her head. "Oh Bah! I didn't do THAT! We just-- we had dinner and then we went dancing. My GOD he's a better dancer than I thought. Then we went on a little walk through town and finally made it back to the cars. He'd rode in with Sarah and Lance, but I gave him a ride and--"

"Whoa whoa whoa. Back up there, Missy. With Sarah and Lance? As in Lance Bass?"

"Um.. yeah?"

"And just who exactly was this date?"

"Well-- um-- that's not really important. What is important is that he gave me the cutest little peck on the cheek and we're going out again tomorrow before he has to head back down to Florida and--"

"Emily Elizabeth Prescott. Please tell me you're not dating a Florida boy."

"We're not dating. We just went out and will again and, anyway, he's not from Florida. He's from New York, so nah!"

"Oh shit!" Carm almost lost her balance on the bed. "Fuckin' Joey Fatone!"

"Huh?" they turned as Brian came into the room. "Fatone? Did I hear Fatone?"

"What are you doing in here? I thought you were asleep."

"I heard you scream and I thought something was wrong and--" Brian stopped and looked to Emily. She'd turned her head so that her dark tresses covered her face. He moved over to her and brushed the hair back. "What's this about that 'NSync boy?"

"Don't even start, Rok," Emily told him, sitting up. "He's a nice guy and we had a nice time."

"And what about AJ?"

"AJ and I broke up. He left me, remember?"

"Yeah, but--"

"No, buts. Sarah set me up to have a good time and I did. Now, if you please--" She rose from the bed then looked to Carm. "Um-- I'm gonna let you go back to bed and now and we'll talk about this more later. Call me?"

"Oh definitely," she reassured her.

Emily tossed a weary "bye" at Brian and left. They heard her car pull off, then Brian sat down on the bed. "Joey? From 'NSync? How could she do that?"

"I've met him, Bri. So have you. He's a nice guy and you know it."

"Yeah, he is, but-- do you know how bad this is gonna look? AJ McLean's ex-girlfriend dating Joey Fatone?"

"I don't really care about that. I'm just worried about her."

"Why?"

"Because--" Carm sighed. "I'm just wonderin' if she knows what she's doing. Like.. does she really like Joey or--" She paused for a second, then laid flat on the bed, resting her hands on her stomach. "Or is she just reaching for something that reminds her of AJ, trying to get that back?"

Nick came into the studio, bouncing and giggling. He plopped down on a bench, beside AJ, and looked at him, his head cocked to the side. With a laugh, he said teasingly, "I know somethin' you don't know." AJ looked at him and rolled his eyes. Nick was always playing some kind of game with somebody at sometime or another. He turned his head back the other way and Nick leaned on his shoulder, and said, "I know somethin' you wanna know."

AJ shook the blonde off and glared at him. "What the hell are you talkin' about?"

"Oh... just a little somethin' that I heard when I was eavesdropping."

"You're always eavesdropping."

"And your point?"

He sighed. "Would you just tell me already?"

"I don't know. You're not being very nice."

"I'll be a whole lot less nice if you don't tell me."

Nick looked at him for a moment, as though he were deep in thought. "To tell-- or not to tell. That is the question."

"To beat your ass-- or not beat your ass. THAT is the question."

He sighed. "Geez! Get a grip!" Nick sighed again. "Fine. A few days ago your girl-- I mean EX-girlfriend had a date with one Joey Fatone."

The glare he was given made Nick jump up from his seat. AJ's eyes burned red as he gave a heated gaze to the youngest Backstreet Boy. "That wasn't funny, Nick," he growled, glaring at him.

"Um-- dude. AJ--" He looked around nervously. Howie sat by silently. He was partially in shock, but also, partially worried about AJ's sudden dark mode. Nick looked back to AJ and saw that he had stood. "Dude-- it, um-- wasn't a joke."

"It was a lie," he said, as though he knew for a fact.

"Dude, it's not. Um, seriously. Justin was tryin' to pawn Britney off on me and he told me when I wouldn't take her. Yeah-- that's it."

"Thought you said you were eavesdropping."

"Um--"

"Truth, Nick."

"Um, well-- see-- she sorta told C and Rok found out and he was talkin' to Kev and--"

"And so-- you thought I'd care? You thought I'd give a fuck who she was going out with? Even if it is some funky haired dude from another group that tries his hardest to dance like me? And that even JC and Lance have told me lusted after my girlfriend? Oh no... why should I give a damn who my girl dates?"

AJ pushed past him Nick and stalked out the door. Two pair of eyes followed him out of the studio and two sets of lips whistled. Howie turned to Nick and cocked an eyebrow. "Um-- dude-- they're--"

"Broke up."

"Yup."

"Well-- somebody needs to tell AJ that."

Emily ran to the phone quickly, her straight black and red hair up in a banana clip. She picked up the receiver on the fourth ring, right before the machine picked up, and breathlessly, said, "Joey?"

"It's true, then, huh?"

Emily stopped. One foot was still behind her from where she'd practically leapt to the phone. It was one voice that she hadn't expected to hear, and at the moment, didn't want to hear. "Um-- AJ--" She wasn't sure what else to say to him, and was sure that wasn't the right thing, especially to just leave it hanging.

"Were you gonna tell me."

"AJ--"

"At least you know my name."

"AJ--"

"Something else now. That's getting boring."

"Um--" She sighed. "I, uh-- was gonna--" She stopped and stood straight. "Wait a minute. Why should I have to tell you? We're broken up remember?"

"Yeah-- I remember."

"Good. Cause you should. You're the one that broke us up."

AJ thought for a moment, knowing what she'd said was true. After a few moments, he spoke.

"Well-- yeah, I did, but-- shit. Do you see the headlines that'll pop up? AJ McLean's ex has found a new boy band member to dance for?"

"Very nice. You should have been a reporter."

"This isn't funny, Em."

"No, it's not. AJ, I--" She sighed. "I gotta go. I have a date and I just got done working out and showering and--"

"You gotta freshen up," he said bitterly.

"Exaclty," she ignored his tone. "Um, I'll um-- Fuck, whatever. Bye." Emily hung up the phone before he could say anything else, and left the room. She wanted to unplug the phone in case he called back, but didn't want to miss Joey's call.

And that was something to think about in itself. She'd been so excited, waiting for that call, and with one little sentence, her excitement turned to sorrow. She hadn't heard AJ's voice in over a month, since the last time they'd argued over the breakup and she'd turned in her resignation as one of the dancers. That just sparked another argument, but that was such a part of their relationship at times that it almost seemed like nothing had changed.

But things had changed and they were different. The arguments wouldn't end in a night of passion. And the phone calls weren't a prelude to a night of fun and goofing off. They would just lead to more arguments which in turn led to nowhere. For a moment, she thought of what AJ must be thinking and it had to be something other than the rumors and the news. His tone said it was more. And Emily didn't want to think of more because in less than two hours, she had a late lunch date with Joey and she didn't want to miss it. No matter how much hearing from AJ made her miss him, she was looking forward to seeing her 'NSync sweetie again.

"Are you sure this was a really good idea?" Lance looked at Sarah as they sat back, resting. He'd spoken to Joey just before he left for his date and something had begun to nag at him. She turned to him as she tucked her feet beneath her.

"Of course it was a good idea, silly," she told him. "Em's happier than she's been in months. So is Joey. Why should it not be a good idea?"

"Because Joey's so happy."

"What's that supposed to mean."

Lance sighed. "Look at it like this. First-- AJ's gonna find out and to be honest, we ALL know he ain't over her and she's not over him. Joey's fallin' fast. Now, what if AJ worms his way back in? Joey's left out in the cold. You know he's sensitive."

Sarah sighed. She stretched her legs out along the sofa, resting them on Lance's legs. "That's not gonna happen," she told him.

"How are you so sure?"

"Because-- it's not."

"You want her with Joey. Carm and the rest of 'em want her back with AJ. Two pressure sides and one actually lives in the same state she does."

"Fine. We'll just move to Georgia then."

"Uh uh!" he shouted. "You've totally lost it haven't you?"

"I have lost nothing. I am 100% here and I'm tellin' ya, she'll realize that Joey is better for her."

"Is he?"

"Now, what are you talking about?" she asked, exasperatedly.

"Just-- I dont' know. I mean-- we dont' know EVERYTHING that went on with AJ and Em. We don't know just how they were." He sighed and threw his head back, then closed his eyes. "I just dont' want Joey to get hurt."

"I dont' either."

"But there's a chance--"

"Babe, if there is a chance, Joey knew that when he took the date. He knew it when he made more dates. And he still knows it. He's a grown man. It's his choice. I was just the catalyst for that choice."

Lance rose his head and turned eyes to his girlfriend. She just sat there, her hair up in a ponytail. She wore a small pair of glasses on the bridge of her nose and she had the intellectual look that he liked so much. "Sometimes, you are just too smart for my own good."

"I know that." She laughed and moved to sit comfortably in his lap. "I'm smart so you can sit there and look cute."

"Oh, thanks," he said dryly.

"Hey! Sarcasm is MY department. Just-- sit there and look cute." She leaned in and kissed him and Lance couldn't help but smile as their lips touched. The only woman to tell him to look cute. For her-- he could comply.

The door was slightly cracked when Joey showed up. "Em?" he called as he pushed the door open and slowly stepped inside. His eyes surveyed the room, looking for signs of intrusion. His cellphone was already out and ready to dial 911 when he spotted her, sitting on the sofa. Her hair was half in a clip, having partially fallen down her back. She sat staring at the television with a remote control in her hand, zipping through a tape. "Em?" he called again and she stopped the tape. Her head turned slowly to him and Joey proceeded forward. He sat down beside her and took the controller from her, laying it aside, but kept holding her soft hand. "What's wrong?" he asked her softly.

"You shouldn't be here," she whispered.

"I thought we had a date."

"We did. I mean, we do, but--" She sighed and turned to him. "I don't know if this is such a good idea."

Joey sighed, letting the air out slowly, then turned his head slightly to the side. "What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Don't give me that. When I talked to you last night you were cool. And now--" Her eyes drifted to a far off place and her head turned toward the TV. Still holding her hand, he picked up the remote control and pressed play. A tape from a performance on Saturday Night Live popped on, and though she was plainly there in the background, her eyes started to focus elsewhere. "AJ," he said.

"I, he-- He called me."

"And?"

"And he just-- I don't know. He found out. About this-- us-- whatever it is and he--"

Joey bit his lower lip. His head bowed, then came back up. "Do you wanna go back to him?"

"No! I mean, no. I just-- I don't know. It was-- I don't know. Weird?"

"Yeah..."

"I like you, Joey. A lot."

"I like you, too, Em. I thought we were having fun."

"We are. I just--" She sighed and pulled from his grip and walked around the room. "I'm just being stupid and letting old stuff get to me. I just-- I'm not even dressed!" she spat, disgustedly. "I'm totally ruining this date."

"We don't have to go out if you don't want to."

"Joey--"

"We can just stay here. Talk? Order in?"

"That sounds fun," she said softly.

"Yeah. So, um-- I'll order and-- you just sit here."

He started to move and Emily asked, "Are you sure you're okay with this?"

"Yeah, it's cool." He smiled at her, then stood, going to the phone. Emily watched him go and sighed. The most sensitive, adorable, sweet guy was on her phone, ordering the Chinese food that they were supposed to be going out to eat and only half of her mind was on him. It wasn't fair to him, because she knew how he felt about her. She could see it in his eyes when he looked at her. She was feeling-- something. But, she wasn't sure what. Her heart and mind was still cluttered with feelings of the past, and it was getting harder and harder to separate them from emotions of the present.

I know a lot about this stuff. I sing about it every damned day. Broken hearts. Love. Eternity. But what did I do? I didn't listen to myself when those words came out of my mouth. Just think of a song. A song that meant a helluva lot to a lot of people. It was a sweet song. Great melody. Loved it. And it was real. Or at least I thought it was. I mean, I knew it was for Brian. And for Kevin, too. I'd heard them both same the same things to two sisters in different situations. I hadn't said that to anyone. Had thought it a few times, but I never said it.

I'll never break your heart

I'll never make you cry

I'd rather die, than live without you

I'll give you all of me, honey that's no lie

Maybe I should have said it.. Maybe then I wouldn't have done just the opposite. I broke her heart and I broke mine, too, in the process. I wasn't meaning to do that. I just wanted-- Hell, I don't know what I wanted to do. I did a stupid thing and now I'm feeling like I would die. It was okay for a while. Well, no, it was never okay, but it's worse now that she's dating-- him. I won't even say his name right now, but-- I still want her. I want the chance to give her everything that I am and all that I ever will be. I had the chance, I know, and I blew it. But, it wasn't supposed to end up like this. I was supposed to have a chance to fix what I fucked up. So, where's my shot? I can't just sit by and let her go. I can't do that. I may have hurt her and made her cry, but I want to fix it. Doesn't that count for anything?

It took two months for it to start. There were little internet rumors starting to fly, but those were easily ignored in the beginning. But, soon, every message board and email list in the world had tidbits about the newest relationship between Emily and Joey. MTV was calling for interviews with not only the two of them, but with AJ as well, to get his take on the situation. The tabloids didn't even bother to contact anyone. They just put out a headline and set the two groups on fire.

"What the fuck is this!" AJ yelled. They were all on speakerphone with producers from Total Request Live and News1515. The voices on the line as well as in the room got silent as they heard AJ pick something up and hurl it across the room. The shattering of the glass ashtray made Kevin go over to him, but looking in AJ's eyes, he quickly stepped back.

"What's the deal, Bone?" he asked him, stepping back.

"This!" he yelled as he turned the cover of the National Enquirer to them. It showed an angry AJ glaring at the couple of Emily and Joey, holding hands and laughing. "Dancer Emily and Singer Joey to tie the knot in 2003." Everyone watched as he ripped the paper to shreds and through the pieces around the room. He turned to phone and said, loudly, "Did they agree to do this show?"

"Um, we're in the process of and--"

"Did they agree to this whole thing?"

"It looks very promising."

"Then call us back when they do."

AJ stormed out of the room and Brian sighed. He leaned into the phone and sighed again. "Um-- guys, thanks for not-- ya know."

"Yeah. We like you guys. We won't report it 'til you tell us."

"Cool. Thanks."

"You're welcome. And Brian, Carson says to tell your wife hi. He misses her on TRL."

Brian laughed. "I wont' tell her that last part. She'll try to show up. Bye." The others said their goodbyes and Brian turned the phone off.

As the line disconnected, AJ burst back into the room. He had more tabloids in his hands and with each article, he got more and more upset. "Look at this shit! Emily Prescott to wed Joey Fatone. Backstreet Girl No More. Former BSB dancer gets *NSync with Joey Fatone. BABY TIME?!?! What the fuck is this shit? There is NO baby. NO engagement. And I guess they think that shit about *NSync is funny. It's not! It's not fuckin' funny!"

"Man, just calm down," Howie tried telling him, but AJ shoved his approaching attempts away.

"No! I'm not gonna calm down. She is NOT going to be marrying him. I don't care what these assholes say. It's not going to happen."

"What can you really do about it?"

"I can do something. I just-- Dammit, D, I can't do this shit. I can't just let it go like that."

"You already let her go, Bone."

"Not forever."

Brian walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. This had to be the first time that any of them had actually heard AJ say that he still wanted Emily. They all knew it, but hearing it from the horses's mouth, so to speak, was something different. "AJ-- You-- man, you screwed up. What can you do now?"

"Fix it?"

"It looks like Joey's doin' that."

"He can't. He can't fix what I did."

"Why?" Kevin asked him.

"Because--"

"What?"

"If he fixes it--" AJ stopped and turned away from the others. He moved to the far wall and leaned his head against the wall. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Because if he fixes it, then he gets her."

Nick moved over towards him, but stopped a few feet away from him. "Then, dude, you need to tell her that."

"I can't," he whispered.

"Why?"

"Because-- I can't heal her heart only to have her break mine more than I've already broken it."

"Are we gonna see Carson? Do I get to go back to the show now?" Carm looked at Brian excitedly, and would have been jumping if she could. "I really miss Carson!"

"Ya know-- if you weren't having my baby, I'd be a bit jealous."

"Aww-- Rok-- you know I love you."

"More than Carson?"

"Maybe--"

"Carmie--"

"Okay. Yeah, ya know I do. I just-- it's Carson!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too bad you won't be seeing him, though."

"Brian!! That's not fair!"

"You don't need to be going through all of that. All those screaming fans and--"

"You are SO not being fair, Mr. Littrell. I can stay backstage. You've kept me in this house for months now. I just wanna go and see everybody."

"And if something happens? You're eight months and--"

"And they have hospitals in New York." Carm waddled over to him and laid her head against his shoulder. "Please, Brian. I really wanna see everybody. And-- the fans aren't that bad. We'll just get there early, ya know? People haven't seen me other than a picture on MTV or ET in forever. Please?"

Brian sighed and shook his head. If she'd have just stayed a few feet away, he'd have been able to hold firm. He knew it was a bad idea, but with his wife leaning on him, pleading, there really wasn't much he could say. So, with a roll of his eyes, he gave in and said, "Fine. You can go with us."

Emily held the phone to her ear as she laid down on the bed. "Are you sure this is a good idea?" she asked. Joey tightened his grip on the cellular as he listened to her voice. He was in New York, but wished that he were in Georgia to be with her. He knew it would be hard for the three of them to come face to face, but it was something that was bound to happen eventually.

"Em, it's fine. We're all adults, right?"

"Well, most of us are. I mean, ya know Nickie and Justin are still kids, but--"

"I'm serious."

"So am I."

"You're trying to joke your way out of this."

She sighed. "You know me way too well."

"I'm glad I know you at all."

"Joey--" She bit her lower lip. "I'm glad I know you, too."

"Then why are you so worried?"

"Because-- I mean, this is AJ. And you. And me. And--"

"Everybody else who thinks they have a say," he finished for her.

"Yeah. I just-- I don't want this to get out of control."

"It won't."

"You can't promise that. It's like-- opinions can turn into bad feelings and-- see, Carmie talked her way into coming and if it gets out of control and something happened, then it'd be my fault for even agreeing to go back to the show in the first place."

Joey was quiet for a moment. Her mind seemed to be on any and every reason that could make them not have to go on TRL. "If you don't want to go we can call them back."

"No. I just-- I agreed and I can't back out. Wouldnt' exactly make me look good. Besides, we need to just set everybody straight, that's all."

"And what is straight?"

"The truth. It's everything, basically, that they are NOT printing in those goddamned tabloids." She sighed. "I didn't have these problems before. Nosy ass people need to butt out of my life."

"I know. But, look at the bright side. I'm not dating Chyna anymore, according to them. Though, I never was, but--"

"Yeah, I know. You do have a point there. I dont' know. I guess I'm just-- cautious? A little too cautious, but it's all the same. I just don't want anything bad to happen."

"Nothing bad is gonna happen."

"Doll? Something bad ALWAYS happens."

Maybe I should have listened to her. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I didn't really see her point, but standing in the hallways at MTV Studios, I was starting to see it plainly. The whole atmosphere was tight. Everyone was tense and it permeated through the room. And I could almost hear what everyone was thinking. I could see it in their eyes and hear it coming from their bodies. One one side, you had Sarah and the rest of *NSync, and they were all trying to make it known, even through silence, whose side they were on. The other-- Carm and the Backstreet Boys. It was tight. It was tense. I wanted to choke and almost did.

I could ignore all of them, though, if I tried. It was AJ that caught my attention. Everything in his eyes, looking towards Em, then me, told me that he wanted her back. And it was ironic as to what was playing in the background.

It makes me ill

To see you give

Love and attention at his will

And you can't imagine how it makes me feel

To see you

With him...

You'd have thought that he'd written that song. Or that it was for his very moment, the way he looked. He was sick. And usually, I'm attentive to that. But, right then, I didn't care. Because I had my own things to deal with. I had my own problems with him, but I wouldn't say them either. I wouldn't vocalize any of it anymore than he would.

I want-- her. Plain and simple. And truthfully, I deserve her. I've spent my life trying to find the right girl. Someone who would want me, Joseph Fatone, not just Joey from *NSync. Someone who wouldn't bitch me out because I missed a date because I was at a concert. Someone who could handle the fame and the intrusion. And, I found her. I just found her after someone else. I think that'll be the hardest thing. Because she was with him, and looking at her, she might still want him. But, she wants me too. And I want her. And he wants her. But we both can't have her. I don't want to give up. The only thing i'm ready to shed is that bad boy rep that I more than deserve after some of the things I've done. But, I don't want it anymore. And neither does he. We want the same thing, and I don't have the heart or the guts to let it pass.

"Welcome, boys and girls, to TRL. It's me, your wonderful host Carson Daly and we have a special treat for you guys." Carson spoke over the throng of screaming fans in the studio. The streets were rapidly filling, trying to get an opportunity to get inside. Carson moved to the window after hearing something through his earpiece. "Well, the show hasn't even started yet and we have to shut the blinds. The police say we're already starting a disruption." The crowd booed as the window was covered, and Carson turned back. "Well, as promised, it's officially BSB/*NSync day!" He looked afraid, almost, as the girls started to scream. "Yeah, yeah, yeah," he said. "Yay! Boy bands! Aren't ya happy? Yeah, that was stupid. Okay, well, before we bring our first group out here, we're gonna kick it off with your favorite *NSync video-- Pop!"

After the video, it was back to Carson and the screamers. He introduced *NSync and as they came out, the screaming got louder. Justin decided to go peek out the window, then ran back and the number of people out there. "Dude! They're everywhere!" he said with a laugh.

Carson laughed, then said, "Welcome back to the show, guys."

"Glad to be here," JC told him. "So-- what's on the agenda for today?"

"Well-- seems we've got a little news that you guys would only share with the loveable me?"

Lance laughed, and Chris almost fell on the floor. Joey put his mic to his lips and shook his head. "I don't know if I'd say loveable, but--"

"Oh, Joey! That hurt. Seriously."

"Yeah, sure," he laughed. "Besides-- your biggest fan is backstage. Do we really need to feed your ego anymore?"

"Sh!" Carson told him. He leaned in, feigning a whisper, and said, "they dont' know that yet." He stood up and turned back to the camera. "Now, as you all know, the headlines have been everywhere."

"My favorite," Justin said, "is The Baby's Named! And the winner is--. That one is just hysterical."

"You just wish that someone'd name a kid, Justin," Chris told him.

"Well-- it's a very nice name."

"I'm sure you think it is."

"Okay, boys," Carson said, "before we have a rumble in New York. Yes, Justin is a very nice name."

"Why thank you, Carson. Your name is very nice, too. We got to hear all about it back--"

"Sh!! It's a surprise!"

"Oh! A surprise? For Carson? Well, then, I guess I won't say her name then, since she's back there just beggin' to come out here and--"

"You little--" Carson and Justin dropped their mics at the same time as the host chased his guest through the crowd. Justin hid behind a fan, sticking his tongue out at Carson. The poor girl he was holding onto almost fainted and Justin ran again as Carson came around her and to the other side. He chased him back down to the center, where the other guys stood laughing at the two, then picked up his microphone as Justin ran screaming into the back. "I'll get him," he said breathlessly. "But right now, we have to take a commercial break. When we come back we've got your favorite BSB video and more guests. Now-- I'm gonna go kill Justin!"

With the commercial break over, it was time for the show to get more intense. Justin stood looking at Carson with a glare as he said, "Before Carson's next guest comes out, it's time to-- Do I really have to?" Carson nodded and Justin sighed. "Fine. Here's your favorite BSB video-- The Call, which set a new record for days at number 1. Which, by the way, we'll beat one day. Seriously. Okay, here it is."

The video played and everyone stood by. The crowd sang along with the music while *NSync pretended to sing without knowing the words. The cameras came back to them and Carson was back in his spot. "Don't worry. No more introductions from Justin Timberlake." He laughed. "Now, as I put in my earplugs. Here they are-- the Backstreet Boys!"

Everyone had to cover their ears as the Boys came out. They headed to the window and peaked out to the crowd. More had seemed to appear since the show started and they quickly backed away. "That's a lot this time, Carson," Brian said.

"That's cause they're out there for--"

"Uh oh!" Carson interrupted before Justin could say anything else. "None of that boys. We retired the BSB/*NSync war, remember? Summer? MTV Retirement Home? In the Keys?"

"We remember," Nick said. "It was a nice day. Hot though. But nice."

"Well, guys, we know why you're here. We've got the Backstreet Boys. We've got *NSync. AJ McLean and Joey Fatone. Now, is everybody ready for the woman in the middle?" They screamed and Carson shook his head. "My God, I feel like Jerry Springer. Let's give a TRL welcome to our very own dancing girl-- Emi!" Emily came out to applause and stood beside Carson. He smiled at her. "Welcome back to TRL."

"It's great to be here. Though-- I wish the circumstances were different."

"I totally understand. You wanna fill everybody in?"

"Um, sure, I guess. Basically, today is to set the tabloids straight. Yes, AJ and I have broken up. Yes, I have been seeing Joey. No, we are not engaged and oh HELL no I am NOT pregnant! What? And ruin this figure?"

Carson laughed. "Aw, Justin-- no baby to name after you."

"Like I would have anyway," she laughed, while Justin pouted.

"Now," Carson said, "guys? Think we can be civil and talk this out?" They all nodded. "Good. Now, AJ, what do you have to say about this? I read yesterday AJ McLean hires hitman to take out Joey Fatone. Aggression, man. Lots of it."

"That's ridiculous," he told him. His voice was tense and his body rigid, not the typical AJ stance. "If I were gonna kill him, I'd do it myself!"

The brought more laughter, then Carson asked, "So do ya wanna kill him?"

"I plead the fifth."

"Aw, come on. We're all family here."

"I'm still pleadin' the fifth."

"Looks like a bit of tension to me." He laughed. "Man, this is fun. I think I want Springer's job. Now, Joey. What do you have to add in here?"

"Em pretty much said it all. She put it out there as bluntly as possible. Not really much else to say."

"Any new dancers bein' added to the next tour?"

"Not just yet," Emily said. "I'm still resting."

"Quick answer. Cool. So, what about this little rivalry that's obvious. We did retire the story, you remember."

"Yes, you retired it," Brian said. "And it's not really a rivalry. Just-- picking sides."

"And why would we be picking sides?"

"I'll tell you why," a female voice said from the back.

Carson couldn't help but smile. "Looks like our mystery guest is ready to come out. Everybody, lets welcome the lovely and VERY still pregnant-- Carmaletta Littrell-- known to you all as--"

The crowd screamed, "Carmel!" and out she came. She carefully made her way out, staring at Brian's exasperated face and stood next to Carson. "I've missed you guys!" she said, smiling at Carson.

"We've missed you, too. How are ya doing?"

"I'm alright. Keeping up with my singing. Stuck in the house cause of Brian."

"He let you out, huh?"

"Of course! I'm very convincing when I wanna be."

Carson laughed and asked her, "Now why is it that you would be picking sides?"

"Oh that's simple. See, AJ--"

"Carm, don't," AJ said.

"Oh, whatever. We just happen to think that AJ deserves a second chance. That's all."

"Well, WE--" Lance put in, "-- think it's Joey's chance."

"Look, Joey's a very sweet guy. Really nice, too. Even sent the baby a huge teddy bear. But-- I'm just biased. I like AJ."

"We like Joey."

Before anyone knew it, a chant of "AJ" versus "Joey" had begun between the bands, and soon the crowd. Carson was caught in the middle, trying to break it up. Eyes went from individuals to groups. If they'd stayed looking at the integral people in the argument, they'd have noticed the stares. AJ's eyes caught Emily's and a line could almost be seen connecting them. Neither knew what to say, even if it could be said with all of the yelling going on. Their bodies tightened with pain, anger, want-- everything imaginable. And Joey-- he just looked to them. He read all that was in the looks, and he could see the connecting line. He could see the confusion and everything else that held them apart, yet still kept them together. Three people caught in a triangle that they'd never wish on anybody. Then, an excruciatingly loud scream broke their personal silence, making them turn.

"A-- SHIT!!" It was so loud it was hard to bleep it out. Noise stopped as Carm bent over, holding her stomach. Brian moved to her nervously, and she stood back up. "Baby?"

"It's nothing," she told him. "Just-- probably another of those damn Braxton--" She screamed again. "Hicks things," she continued.

"Dude! What's that!" Chris screamed.

Everyone looked down and Carm said, "double shit. Um-- guys? I, uh-- I think I should go to a hospital." Carson came over and helped Brian hold her up. "What's going on?" he asked. Carm looked at him, then at Brian and said, "My water just broke." Carson let go quickly, jumping up, then realized what he'd done as she began to sink to the floor and held her up again. Kevin came over and Carson moved out of the way, and to the crowd, he yelled, "Holy fuck! Oops! I can't say that on here. Oh well. They'll bleep me! We're having a TRL baby! Our first TRL baby!"

It wasn't supposed to be this hard. It wasn't supposed to end up in more confusion than before. I just-- I wanted the bullshit to end, but instead I got more. I guess I had to see AJ in person. I had to look into his eyes when he said whatever he had to say. And I think I saw something in that "pleading of the fifth." He wanted to say something. I knew it. And for some reason, I needed to hear whatever he had to say. More than I wanted to hear the others. They were all biased. They were on the outside looking in. They don't have a clue of what needs to be heard and what needs to be seen and felt. This whole thing sorta reminds me of one of Carm's songs. Strange, huh? But, I'm a song freak. There's always one song out there that can fit into some situation perfectly. I just happen to be good at finding them.

Tell me what I wanna hear

Show me what I wanna see

Give me what I need to feel

The things I felt before

Don't know what it is

Cause I haven't found it yet

But when I see it I know I'll know

Or maybe I'll still forget

That about sums it up. There's something out there that I want to hear and see, but to hell if I know what it is. For a while, I thought it was for AJ to let me go so I could feel again with Joey. Then I thought it was for Joey to help me see that I needed him. Or maybe it was just something to let me know that I could still love at all, no matter who it was with. But, the sad part is that I don't think it'd help me. I don't know if I even want to remember what I felt before.

Maybe I want something new. Maybe I want something different. Need something that I've never felt before. Maybe that's why I can't really remember how it was-- until I actually SEE AJ, that is. But, that's where it gets more complicated because I don't know what that new is. I don't know what it's supposed to be. But, I'll know it when I see it. Or will I? I see a lot and I don't really think I saw anything in particular. Maybe I already had what it was, but couldn't see it and I've missed it. I don’t know. When it's me, I just don't know anything. And with AJ and Joey-- I know even less.

Instead of screams of young girls for their favorite groups, there were yells of a mother in labor, and the soft supposedly comforting words of her husband. There was also a twinge of laughter as both BSB and *NSync found something in common with one another. Both groups found it hilarious every time Brian was told that he would be neutered, or that he'd never have sex again. Sarah stood by just shaking her head, making sure to remind Lance why, if they got married, they wouldn't be having children. As she put it, "That hurts!"

Emily sat quietly, waiting. She'd called Carm's sister/cousin-in-law, Kat, before Kevin could, to let her know what was going on. She'd miss the delivery, trying to find a flight out, but she still wanted to be there. Once that was done, however, there really wasn't much else for her to do but sit and think. That was a horrible thing-- thinking. Her head turned to AJ, sitting in a chair on the far side of the waiting room. He looked nervous, but at the same time-- afraid. It wasn't for the baby, though. Not the fear. The fear was that he'd said something, or done something to mess up his chances. It didn't matter if he'd actually said anything to Emily or not-- She pretty much knew what he was thinking, regardless.

Her head turned the other way to find Joey staring at her. It was weird. Yes, she was used to him watching her, but not like that. And not from so far away. When they came into the hospital, he hadn't even sat beside her. He seemed to go with the crowd, then gravitate to the other side of the room. But, it was his stare that made her worry. It reminded her of how he used to look at her before they'd met. The way that could be felt and send a chill down the spine backstage at an awards show. It was the stare of wanting what you can't have. He looked at her like someone else's girlfriend, not his, and that made Emily think more.

AJ looked as though he was staring at some lost antique that he would die for, if only he could have it again. Joey looked like a man wanting the sacred treasure of the Pharoah, but knowing that he couldn't have it. Both of them wanted something, both of them seemed to need it, and that something was her. She was the jewel in the middle, but there were no actual explorers diving for her. She sat there like a precious artifact that both were afraid to look away from, for fear that the other would grab it, but neither would come near for fear of hurting her, or being hurt by whatever curse the relic might have held.

Her head turned straight and her eyes closed. Emily leaned forward, to press her forehead to her knees. Her hair, now holding hot pink streaks amid the vast midnight, fell to the floor. It was going to be a long wait until word was given and she knew that she would lose her mind if she spent the time watching them watch her. Though, it would still seem like an eternity with the weight of their longing gazes pressing upon her.

Brian ran out into the lobby, still wearing scrubs, and cradling the hand that he had sworn, just moments ago, was broken. "It's a boy!" he yelled, excitedly. Everyone jumped up and applauded until he spoke again, "And a girl!" Sound and motion stopped.

"Huh?" Kevin asked his cousin.

"You heard me. Two! Twins!"

"What? How in the hell do you miss an entire baby?" Chris asked him.

"Well, it seems as if Cordelia was hiding behind her brother."

"Is his name Justin?"

"No, Justin. It's not."

"Because it's Nick!"

"No. It's Howard."

"Yeah, right. It's Kevin. Cause it's gotta have a family name."

"It does have a family name. Littrell. Now-- I think after the grief you've all cost us, it should be some form of JC. You said the girl was Cordelia. Well, maybe Justine Cordelia. And--"

"I like that!"

"Thought you would. Now-- maybe-- Lance Christopher. Now, those are nice names, don't ya think?"

"We totally agree."

Sarah shook her head. "Here's an idea. You let the parents name their babies?" She smiled and turned to Brian. "So-- what are their names? Fully."

"Well--" Brian was beaming. He had the glow of proud papa all over him and nothing would remove that smile from his face. "We didn't wanna know in advance, so we picked a girl and a boy, and used that. Cordelia Charisma Littrell and Brian Thomas, Littrell, Jr."

"Aw!" she said, moving to give him a hug. "That's so sweet!"

"I still prefer Nick."

"You have your own kids and then you can name it after you," she told him.

"But-- I don't want my own!" They all laughed, then Nick asked, "Can we see her?"

"In a bit. She's resting now. But-- I'll have the doctor’s let you know when. I'm gonna go back in there now. They're gonna do somethin' with my hand, too."

"Is it really broken?" Kevin asked him.

"Idiot. Yes, it's broken! I told you she broke my hand!"

"Well-- we thought you were exaggerating!"

"Nope! Now-- I'm out of here." Everyone congratulated Brian again, then he went back to his wife and child.

Emily stood at the window, looking into the nursery. The babies were so beautiful. Cordelia and Brian laid in their little beds and their arms waved, as if they knew that one of their godmothers' were standing there watching them, and they wanted to say hello. Curly black hair for the girl, straight brown hair for the baby boy. He was older by a minute and a half and Emily almost chuckled as she thought of how many times he'd rub that in his sister's face. She felt a presence coming up behind her, and whispered, "They're gorgeous."

"Yeah--"

"You godfather?" she asked.

"Yup. Me and Kev."

"That was sweet."

"Yeah--" He paused. "Em--"

"AJ. I--" She turned to him and saw a tear in his eye. "I don't know what to say right now," she whispered.

"I love you."

"AJ--"

"I just-- I wanted to let you know. I do." He turned away from her and she put a hand on his shoulder. For months, she'd wanted him to come back and say those words to her, and now that she heard them-- He turned back to her and his eyes echoed his words. "I-- Um-- I need to talk to Carm. Can you keep an eye out for Kat?"

"Sure," he whispered.

Emily nodded and walked through the hallways. She was the last to visit the room. With the exceptions of AJ, Joey, and of course, Brian, the others had gone back to the studios to fill in Carson and the other VJ's and newspeople at MTV. They got the first shot of the news of the babies' birth. They even had detailed reports that they were sent with and messages. With them gone, however, it made it free for some quiet time for thinking and reflecting.

She walked into the room and Brian was sitting in a chair beside the bed, talking softly to his wife. "Um-- hi," she said softly, walking over. Carm looked up to her and smiled, tiredly.

"Hey you," she said, with a yawn.

"If you're sleepy I can come back later. It's no big."

"Not a chance. Sit down."

"Um.. okay." She pulled up a chair and looked at the parents. "Congratulations," she said softly. "They're gorgeous."

"Thanks," Carm said. Brian echoed her, then looked from one to the other. He stood up and moved his chair so that Emily could move closer. "I'm gonna let you two talk," he said.

"I don't wanna put you out, Bri."

"It's okay, Em. I wanna see the babies anyway." He kissed Carm's head, then walked out of the room. As soon as he was gone, Emily pulled her chair close to the bed, and looked her friend in the eyes. "Why didn't you tell me AJ still loved me?" she asked.

"Huh?" Carm responded. "AJ? I, um--"

"That's why you guys have pushed so hard. You knew. You all knew."

"And how do you know."

"AJ told me."

"When?"

"Just now. I-- Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Because--" Carm tried to sit up more and Emily helped her. "He wouldn't admit it to us anymore than you would. You both pretended that it was over, and all I really wanted to do was make you two realize that."

"Why'd you let me go out with Joey then?"

"I didn't know all of this was going to start. Would it have mattered anyway?"

"Yes, maybe-- Hell, I don't know." She sighed. "I just-- I'm confused, ya know?"

"Yeah-- I know. And Joey?"

"What about him?"

"You love AJ. Do you love him, too?"

Emily looked at her for a long time before finally answering with a simple, "Not as much as I did-- do-- AJ."

"And that means?"

"I dont' know what it means. Joey-- he's so tender and his heart is pure. It's not a fair comparison because I'd been with AJ longer. Known him longer. Loved him longer. And-- Joey isn't like AJ. I mean, in a way he is, but-- you don't see what I see in Joey. He really loves me. And I love him, too. But-- I just can't compare the two."

"I never asked you to compare them," Carm said, soflty. "I just asked if you love him."

"Then-- yes."

"But?"

"But nothing. I answered."

"And what about AJ?"

"You already know that."

"Tell me."

"I love him."

"And?"

Emily stood up from her chair and began to pace the room solemnly. Carm watched her move and didn't know what to say to her. She was obviously torn and hurt, and could only hope that she would do what was best for her. It didn't really matter anymore if it were AJ or Joey. As long as the confusion that haunted her went away. Finally, Emily stopped and looked to her. "And-- I have no fucking idea."

When Emily returned, Joey was standing where she'd stood before. He leaned as close to the glass as possible. His hands were pressed flat against the cool glass as he watched the babies with a smile. They were all beautiful, but there was no mistaking the Littrell twins. They looked just like their parents, and were the loudest ones of the bunch. Not crying, but cooing. Strong voices like Carm and Brian. Definite singers, he thought.

Joey turned as he felt a head rest on his shoulder. He inhaled slowly, then let it flow out in a current from his lips. His right hand rose to touch a satin cheek and felt moistness. "I'm sorry, Em," he whispered, still looking into the window. She rose up and moved around to see his face. A tear moved in his left eye, threatening to spill out. She rose her fingertip to his eye and caught the droplet as it fell, before it could trek down his cheek. "What for?" she asked him softly.

"For loving you so much."

"Joey--"

"It's okay."

She bit her lower lip and turned her head to the room full of babies. "Then I guess that I'm the one who should be apologizing."

"Why?"

"For letting you love me."

"Don't be sorry." He turned her face back to him, his index finger beneath her chin. "Loving you is the best thing I've ever felt." He traced a finger down her face from forhead to chin. He bent forward, then gently pressed their lips together. Both of them felt the other's tears splatter onto their cheeks and they stayed connected, holding it for as long as possible. At last they broke apart and Emily touched her lips softly. Words were unnecessary as he walked away from her and moved down the hall. Everything of any import was said with that kiss. His tears on her cheeks were love, soaking into her pores, mingling with her body to remind her that he loved her and wanted to be with her. The kiss was goodbye, nobility dominating and decimating his drive. Without a word, Joey had given her everything he had for her.

With tears still in her eyes, Emily walked through the halls, searching. She found AJ on the other side of the floor, looking out of a window. He saw her reflection in the glass as she approached and he turned to her. He watched her come closer, her eyes glistening with moisture. She stopped inches from him and looked up. "Um-- AJ--"

"Don't," he whispered.

"What?"

"Don't tell me I blew it, okay? I-- I know I did. I shouldn't have left you. But I was so scared. I don't even know why I was scared. I just was. So, I let go. I have to deal with that. But, please-- don't rub it into my face or tell me when the real Prescott/Fatone wedding will be."

"AJ-- there's not gonna be a wedding."

"We're off the air now. You can say it. I'm a big boy."

"AJ, would you just stop and listen to me for a minute?"

He sighed. "Fine."

"Good." She closed the distance between then and reached up, grabbing his face. She pulled him down to her and kissed him hard. Less sexual as memorable. With the fire of their touch, images flashed before her eyes. When they first met, their first date, their first everything. As he pressed into her lips, she saw the arguments that they'd had, but when his arm wrapped around her waist, there were the softest and most intimate moments of their relationship. All that had been stored away to deny hurt came rushing back to heal that same pain.

Emily reluctantly pushed herself away and looked up at AJ. "I-- Um--"

"Try it again?" he said softly.

"We'll have to talk more."

"I know."

"I missed you," she whispered.

"So have I."

"I-- I love you," she told him, leaning against his chest.

"I love you, too," he said softly as he held her tightly.

And from afar, Joey watched them together and knew it was for the best. A part of him had known since the first date that she was still in love with AJ. And no matter how hard he tried, he wouldn't be able to replace him. But he still had to try. And he did. He tried his best, but it just wasn't good enough. And in the end, he knew his self-inflicted torture and he knew its welts and stings and burns, and he know that he couldn't live like that, mounting on the scars. So, he gave her up, for himself and for her, and as the couple started to kiss again, Joey turned and walked away.

The End

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