Life Goes On?
(Sequel to A New Day)
By Michelle T
© April, 2000
CHAPTER ONE
JUNE 2001
They held onto each tightly in the quiet terminal, afraid of
letting go, dreading the impending separation.
The lump in her throat finally diminished enough to allow her to speak
what her brain was screaming.
"I'll miss you so much, Babe. I can't believe I won't be able to touch you, smell you, see you
for five whole days!"
He chuckled lightly into her ear and gave
her one more squeeze before relinquishing his hold. "I know, Beauty, I feel the same. This past month has been so glorious! Having you by my side all day, all night, every day, has spoiled
me rotten. I can't begin to imagine how
I'll even sleep, eat, think or concentrate. . ."
Michelle started to laugh and leaned forward to kiss his full
lips in an attempt to still them.
"Listen to us, D!
We are so corny! It's not like
we haven't been apart before. But I
agree with you totally. Since our
wedding day, I too have been truly spoiled having you home for a whole
month. I love you so much and I'll miss
you terribly." They pulled each
other into their arms again and hugged fiercely before desperately seeking the
other's mouth.
The final boarding call for his 6:00 a.m. flight to Los Angeles
interrupted their passionate kiss.
"I guess you better go," she said quietly, with a small smile
and teary eyes.
"I'll call you the minute I get to the hotel," he
brushed a stray strand of her hair aside before kissing her temple, "and
remember, my heart stays with you."
He kissed the tip of her nose lightly and turned away quickly before his
own tears threatened to spill.
Michelle watched her husband jog down the ramp, with a heavy
heart, missing him already. At the end,
he turned back as she knew he would and mouthed 'I love you', then blew her a
kiss. She caught it and held it close
to her heart as she whispered back the same words. She continued to gaze down the hall for several minutes after he
was gone before taking a resigned breath and walking off slowly.
She decided to go straight to the office instead of going back
to their empty house in hopes of filling her loneliness. Heaven knows she hadn't been there much in
the last month, but Howie had assured her that her presence at home with him
was much more important. John and the
rest of the staff agreed with him one hundred percent and covered for her.
Kimberly and Patti had left for Nantucket two days earlier to
meet with the realtor and organize the large house that the group would share
for the summer. It was intended to be
both a relaxing break for the guys after spending the last year promoting and
touring for their record breaking follow up album to Millenium and a chance to
further collaborate on writing new songs.
AJ and Howie were also hoping to concentrate further on their solo
projects.
Michelle and Howie planned to meet up in Boston on Friday night
and then drive down to the Cape together and catch the ferry to the
island. Kevin and AJ were flying up
with her, but had decided to grab a connecting flight directly to Nantucket to
allow the newlyweds some private time.
Brian and Lauren were currently in England visiting her family
and celebrating the birth of Lauren's twin nephews. Their wedding plans were progressing nicely. After much light haggling, they both finally
admitted to hoping for a Christmas wedding.
They expected to arrive in Nantucket late Saturday afternoon.
Nick had been in California for the past week visiting with his
family, not realizing until then how much he really did miss them. He called daily to keep them all abreast of
his activities and antics. He and Aaron
were flying out Thursday to join Patti and Kimberly at the estate. Kimberly, of course, was ecstatic over the
thoughts of finally meeting Aaron.
They'd spoken often enough on the phone, but with Aaron's busy touring
schedule, they'd yet to meet in person.
AJ had spent the last seven days shooting a Johnny No-Name
music video in New York. Like Howie and
Michelle, he and Patti had agreed that it was in their best interest to keep
their wonderful secret out of the public eye for now. They all knew how outraged and let down their fans would feel
knowing he was actually going to be a father.
He was due home this afternoon after making a final stop at the studio
to discuss further ideas for the next video.
Upon Michelle's urging, he'd decided to opt for "Try a Little
Tenderness", an old Otis Redding classic.
After his initial balking, he finally sat down and listened to several
versions of the song and finally understood what she had already heard in her
head and was excited to get the project underway.
Kevin and Telly had spent the last week in Kentucky visiting
with his mom and brothers. Telly had
been a nervous wreck over the idea of meeting his family and had put the trip
off for months. Only after Kevin's
frustrations and temper surfaced, did she finally stop thinking about her fears
and agreed to go with him. He had
purposely distanced himself the last four weeks from most of the group, trying
to work through his own thoughts and feelings.
Telly sensed a change in him, but boiled it down to over work as he was
spending so much time in the studio producing new artists. Only Brian knew what was bothering him and
made a point of joining him on many occasions to keep his spirits up and to be
there in case he cracked.
Michelle buried herself in her work for the next eight hours
and only after John's insistence did she finally agree to go home, as his not
so subtle hints about her looking pale and tired started to make her feel more
tired.
"Ah, John, I'm fine. You know your brother. Kept me up all night long." She laughed
heartily at his facial expression.
"You witch! I
don't need to hear that stuff, it's bad enough my little brother gets hitched
before me, and now I'm suddenly girlfriend-less again and horny as
hell." He laughed along with her
as he guided her to the Jeep.
"Damn, John, I don't need to hear about that
either!" She waved happily as she
drove off through the gates. On her
drive, she decided to pick up a few groceries in case AJ was hungry when he got
home. She missed having him
around. He was in such high spirits all
the time now and was never without a happy smile or a quick hug for whoever was
within his reach. He doted on Patti and
got her moved into the house within a week after Michelle and Howie's
wedding. Michelle called the house
hoping he was back early and wasn't surprised to get the answering machine. That man got so caught up in his work, his
love for it was contagious to them all.
After she got the last of the groceries put away, she felt even
more tired and decided a quick shower would waken her somewhat. She slipped on a light t-shirt and jogging
shorts before going back downstairs to the den, just in time to receive Howie's
call. They chatted animatedly for almost a half hour before Howie was being
called away.
"Well, my love, I'm due back on the set now, so I better
let you go." The mixture of
happiness and sadness in his voice filled her heart with even more love.
"I understand, sweetie, now go break a leg, but not
literally," she laughed and then yawned.
"You sound like you could use a nap!"
"Hmm, I am really tired.
My husband kept me up most of the night and then had the gall to book
himself an incredibly early flight, which meant I had to take his beautiful
butt to the airport," she replied jokingly.
"Ooh, you think I have a beautiful butt?" he asked
coyly before laughing.
"Oh babe, you have a beautiful everything! I can't wait to see all that beauty
again. I miss you, Howie."
"I miss you more, I'll call you back tonight, okay? I love you."
"I love you, too."
Michelle hung up the phone with a smile and then flicked on the
television and curled up in the corner of the couch. She felt a sudden ache in her lower abdomen. Surprised by the suddenness and forcefulness
of it, she stood up gingerly and walked back upstairs to the bathroom. Thinking it must be that time of the month,
and then grinned while complimenting herself on her perfect timing, what with
Howie being away for the rest of the week.
She headed back downstairs afterwards and promptly fell asleep on the
couch.
CHAPTER TWO
AJ arrived home a few hours later and was surprised not to see
the outside lights on. As he entered
the front door, he heard the faint murmuring of the television coming from the
den. He smiled as he closed the door,
dropped his bags in the hall and went to find her.
"Honey, I'm home!" he sang as he entered the
den. Surprised not to receive a
response, he quickly peeked over the couch hoping to startle her. She was sound asleep, so he kissed the top
of her head lightly and headed back out to the kitchen. He returned soon thereafter with a sandwich
and a beer and sat on the adjoining couch.
While he ate and flicked the channels, Michelle moaned slightly. He looked over at her with concern and saw
her hands clutching her belly.
"Sweetie?" he asked bending over her, "are you
okay?" He placed a hand on her forehead and noticed its warmth. His eyes flew to her face and caught her
brief expression of pain.
"Michelle! Wake
up," he shook her lightly.
"AJ? I didn't know you were back. How was. . ." she clutched her abdomen
again and doubled over in pain.
"Oooh."
"What's wrong?" he asked, fear creeping up his spine.
"Ah, nothing.
Don't worry, just bad cramps.
I'll be right back," she eased off the couch and walked slowly to
the door.
AJ stared after her and then transfixed his gaze on the small
pool of blood left behind on the sofa.
He gasped quickly and felt dizzy.
He stood up shakily and headed towards her but not fast enough before
her knees gave out and she crumpled to the floor. "Michelle!" he screamed as he caught her head in his
arms before it hit the floor. "Holy
Shit! What's wrong?" he looked at her wildly.
"AJ? I'm okay," she said weakly, "Just a really
bad one this time I guess. Don't
worry."
"Don't worry? Michelle, you're bleeding like crazy!" he drew her up
slightly so that her back rested against his chest.
"Can you just help me up the stairs and then I'll be
okay." She asked looking over her shoulder at him with a feeble smile.
He gulped, nodded and eased them both up. "Are you sure? You're scaring the shit
out of me!" She nodded, holding
her belly and they walked slowly upstairs.
He led her towards her bathroom and was reluctant to release her.
She laughed lightly, "AJ, you are not coming in with
me. Now, be a good boy and grab me some
clean clothes, okay?" Her voice
was light but her pelvis was screeching from pain.
AJ scrambled through the bureaus searching for her
clothing. When he had them in hand, he
eased the door open slightly and placed them on the vanity before closing the
door again. "I'll be right back,
okay?"
"Okay," she replied faintly.
He ran back downstairs into the den. His eyes froze on the blood momentarily before he tore himself
away and went to the kitchen. He pulled
the phone from its cradle and punched in Carey's number, while grabbing a roll
of paper towels and some cleaner.
"Carey? It's AJ, I need you to get over here right
now!" The panic in his voice made Carey shudder.
"What's wrong, AJ.
You okay?"
"It's not me!
Michelle is bleeding so bad. She
said it's her period, but I've never seen so much blood in my life! Please Carey." AJ strode quickly back to the den, "Oh
man, hurry!"
Carey assured him he'd be there within ten minutes and hung up.
AJ dropped the phone and cleaning supplies on the floor,
deciding the mess could wait. He flew
back up the stairs and pounded on the bathroom door. "Michelle!" She
didn't respond so he pushed the door opened and cried out at the sight before
him.
She lay on the floor in a fetal position, passed out cold. He dropped to his knees and gently picked
her up, his heart beating urgently as he carried her to the bed. "Come on, honey. Wake up.
Don't do this to me!" he choked out as he placed her down gently
and sank to his knees beside her, grasping her hands in his and holding them
tight against his lips.
Carey rushed up the stairs minutes later to find AJ pacing back
and forth with a phone to his ear.
"Damn it! Where is
he?" he noticed Carey and raced towards him. "Thank god. I don't
know what's wrong. She was passed out
on the floor after I called you and I can't reach Howie!"
Carey grabbed him by his shoulders, "AJ! Calm down. We don't need you panicking." He
released him and strode over to Michelle.
He placed a hand on her forehead and then checked her eyes quickly,
before moving his hand to her abdomen and pressing lightly. She moaned slightly but did not wake up.
"AJ, get me some clean sheets and extra pillows."
Carey instructed as he drew her shorts off.
AJ grabbed two of the pillows on the bed and helped Carey ease them
under her hips before rushing out of the room.
When he returned moments later, he reeled from the sight of Carey's
blood-covered, gloved hand coming from between her legs.
"This is no period, AJ.
She's miscarried. Let's get her
to the hospital. Right now." Carey
ripped off the gloves and threw them to the floor, atop her bloody
clothing. He tore at one of the sheets
and rolled a section of it before placing it firmly between her legs.
AJ stood beside the bed, light headed and dizzy. "Miscarried? Oh god, Carey!" His eyes flew to her face and he quickly wrapped
his arms around her, "I'm sorry, babe!"
Carey used the other sheet to cover her before pushing AJ aside
and picking her up. "Move, AJ!
Let's go!" AJ assisted him
down the stairs and ran ahead of him to open the door.
"I'll drive." Carey said as he eased her into the
back seat of his car. AJ climbed in
beside her and pulled her limp body tight against his, praying silently to
himself for forgiveness.
********
Two hours later, Michelle awoke feeling cold and disoriented as
she glanced around the dim room and bare walls.
"Hey."
She turned her eyes towards the sound of his soft soothing
voice and took in his solemn expression.
"Kev? What? Where are we?" she blinked her eyes to
clear the fogginess and felt his warm comforting hand pushing back her
hair. God, she missed him, and wondered
why he was suddenly beside her after virtually ignoring her the last few weeks.
"You're in the hospital, hon. How do you feel?" She continued to stare at him with
confused eyes, then slowly drew her hands down her abdomen, suddenly feeling
empty and dark.
AJ entered the room, dragging his feet slowly. The ordeal of the last few hours had really
affected him. He snapped his head up
upon her sharp intake of breath and rushed to her side.
"Michelle?" he called out softly. He grabbed both of her hands away from
herself and held them tightly.
"I'm so sorry!"
"Sorry? For what, AJ?" she shook her head slightly
wondering why she ended up in the hospital because of a heavy period.
AJ looked at Kevin, "She don't know yet?"
Kevin shook his head, "She only just came to." He
glanced down at her and leaned closer.
"Michelle, you had a miscarriage.
I'm sorry, honey. Why didn't you
tell us you were pregnant?"
She raised her eyes to him when he said that word. --
Miscarriage? How can that be? I had no
idea. Oh, god, who's baby was it? -- She stared at Kevin, imploring him to read
her thoughts and answer her unasked questions.
-- It doesn't matter whose baby,
it was my baby. --
"You didn't know?" he asked softly. She closed her eyes and shook her head
briefly.
-- Why didn't I know I was
pregnant? I should have known! Damn it! Why didn't I keep better track of
the dates. Why did I know I felt empty
a few moments ago, but didn't feel it alive in me before? Why did I lose it? Am
I being punished? --
AJ squeezed her hands, bringing her out of her reverie. "Honey?" She looked up at him with watery eyes.
"Do they know how far along I was?" she asked barely
above a whisper.
"Six to seven weeks.
I know what you're thinking, babe.
It wasn't mine." He bent
over and kissed her hands again.
"I'm sorry."
The tears flowed finally and she cried silently.
CHAPTER THREE
Neither man knew what to say as they watched their friend
suffer. Kevin pulled one of her hands
from AJ and they both held onto her, cried for her and thought of Howie.
"I should try Howie again," AJ said softly.
Michelle opened her eyes quickly and looked over at him,
"What time is it?"
AJ was caught off guard from her question. "Ah. . ."
Kevin glanced down at his watch, "It's almost 10:30. Why, Hon?"
"Don't call Howie now, please. He's probably still filming or having dinner with the
producers. Please don't call him
now. I don't want to ruin this for
him."
Kevin gently caressed her hair. "Michelle, he needs to know. You know he'd want us to call him."
"No! Please, just
leave it for a few hours. He's so
excited over this movie. Waiting a few
hours won't do any harm. How long do I
have to stay here? I want to go
home." She looked from one to the
other and struggled to sit up higher.
Kevin stood quickly and assisted her before speaking,
"You've lost a lot of blood.
You'll be here at least for tonight according to Carey." He looked over at AJ with concern.
AJ read his thoughts and agreed with him, "Michelle, you
know Howie will kill us if we don't call him again soon. Damn, I've been trying to reach him for
hours anyway. His cell must be
off."
"He won't kill you, AJ.
Just let him get through today and I promise I'll call him in a few
hours. Please?" The imploring look she gave him made his
mind up for him.
"Okay, but if you don't, I will call him." He leaned over and kissed her cheek,
"I'm really sorry. I can't help
but think that I've contributed to this. . . "
She pulled her hand from Kevin's and brought it up to AJ's
cheek, "Don't, AJ. I know what
you're thinking too and I feel positive that losing this baby had nothing to do
with you. Don't you think Howie and I
have been intimate since you and I?"
She tried to give him a smile of comfort but found it nearly
impossible. The tears slowly rolled
down her cheeks again.
After several minutes, she composed herself enough and looked
from one man to the other. "Guys?
Thanks for being here for me, but if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone for a
little while." She knew they were
struggling to find the right words to console her and hoped to ease them
somewhat with her request. They both
started to protest as expected.
"Michelle, you shouldn't be alone right now. Talk to us, what are you thinking?"
Kevin eased himself out of his seat beside the bed and sat next to her, facing
her.
AJ took her right hand again into his own and thoughtfully ran
his thumb over her fingers.
"Please don't make me leave, Michelle. I need to be here."
She watched AJ's expressions carefully and her heart went out
to him. "AJ, I told you. This has nothing to do with you."
He looked up into her eyes, his own eyes damp. "If I
wasn't so brutal with you, this may not have happened."
She shook her head forcefully while clutching his hand tighter,
"Stop. Please. I know in my heart it's not your fault. Okay?"
AJ remained silent as he took several deep breaths, "I
can't. . . help it."
"AJ, don't do this to yourself," Kevin spoke a little
harsher than intended, "Listen to her, please. Any number of things could have caused this."
Michelle shot Kevin a grateful look before turning back to AJ,
and speaking softly, "AJ? You look so beat. Pease go home. I'm not going anywhere tonight."
He shook his head vehemently, "I'm not leaving!"
Michelle sighed deeply, torn between feelings of despair from
losing Howie's child, gratitude for having such caring friends and guilt over
causing yet another grievous situation.
She continued to stare at AJ, her heart full of love for him, and sorrow
for his guilt-ridden demeanor.
"Ok, babe. Please
stay, but do me a favor? Go lay down on
the other bed and try to rest."
She smiled slightly at him and pulled him closer for a hug, "Thank
you so much for being there for me. I
probably owe you my life." She
felt his arms wrap around her shoulders and hug her tightly.
He pulled away and stood up slowly nodding. "Wake me if
you need me?"
She nodded in return and nudged him on with another smile.
"I promise."
AJ went around the foot of the bed and climbed into the other
one and fell asleep immediately. Kevin
drew the curtains between the two, dimmed the florescent lights and then
returned to sit aside of Michelle.
She'd fallen back against her pillows and lay there quietly with her
eyes closed. His heart broke for
her. He chided himself for his distance
of late. He had thought that was the
best way to avoid dealing with his feelings for her. Out of sight, out of mind?
It hadn’t worked of course, he thought about her all the time.
“Kevin? Who else
knows?” He looked up to find her gazing at him, her eyelashes glistening.
“Just us so far. Why?
You want me to call someone for you?
Kim or Patti?”
“No, just wondering.” She tried to sort through the hundred
questions running through her mind, “Kevin? Why are you here? You’ve been avoiding me.”
His heart jumped and he thought frantically for the right
response. Again, this was not the time
to reveal his love for her, that was something he had to keep buried, buried
deep for everyone’s sake.
“I’m sorry, honey. I
just thought I’d give you and Howie some space. You are newlyweds, remember?” He smiled slightly and lightly
caressed her hand, which was resting upon her abdomen.
“That’s bull, Kev. I
really don’t have the energy to spar with you, but I know that’s not the
reason. Christ, everyone else has been
around. Brian and Nick. Everyone.
I called you three times last week.
I’ve called Telly a couple times and even she doesn’t know what’s going
on with you. She said you’ve buried
yourself in work and that she’s barely spent a dozen nights with you in the
last month. Kevin, I thought we were
best friends, soul mates. I thought we
told each other everything. What did I
do to make you pull away?” The hurt and
anguish in her eyes crushed him. He
lowered his head and shook it slightly.
“You didn’t do anything!
I’m sorry, it’s just me.” His
look implored her to understand what he couldn’t say. “I’m just trying to
adjust to the changes. Time is going by
so fast and everything is changing.
Howie’s married, AJ’s going to be a father. Brian is getting married at the end of the year. Howie is getting more and more into
acting. AJ has Johnny No-Name. Nick aspires to do something solo. Brian?
I don’t know what he wants, but all these things are just making me feel
like everything is starting to slip away.
You’re slipping away, too.” He
choked on his last few words. The
realization of everything he’d just said, said without even thinking about them
first, hit him hard. Finally, he
understood some of the turmoil he’d felt lately. Maybe it wasn’t just about Michelle, maybe he’d convinced himself
to focus on her, instead of facing reality.
The reality that their cozy, tight little group was moving on, moving in
different directions perhaps. He’d been
with these four men for so many years now.
They were his family. They were
his life. Hell, he was going to be 30
this year, what did he want out of life if this was all to end? What if he didn’t want it to end just yet?
Michelle saw the conflict written all over his handsome face
and her heart went out to him. “Kevin?
I’m sorry; I didn’t know you were feeling like this. Sure, things are changing, but they have been for years, haven’t
they? And just because everyone is
thinking of other projects doesn’t mean they want to end the group.” She
covered her hand over his and stroked the back of it lightly. “And, I’m not
going anywhere, I’m not slipping away.
You can always talk to me, you know that.” Her voice was so soft, so full of conviction. “It doesn’t matter that I’m married to
Howie, there is and always will be a special place in my heart just for you and
he knows it. Now, come up here and
let’s comfort each other, eh?” She moved
gently to the right side of the bed and patted the spot next to her for
him.
He kicked off his shoes, eased down next to her and wrapped his
arms around her, pulling her close. She
in turn snuggled closer and wrapped her arms around him as well. “Are you back now? Can we be the way we were before?” she asked against his chest.
He thought to himself that things can never be the way they
were before, but maybe, if he could organize all his thoughts, emotions, ideas,
then maybe he could be get comfortable with their closeness once again, as long
as his heart doesn’t over power his mind.
CHAPTER FOUR
They fell asleep, and while it wasn’t the most peaceful of
sleeps, they both succumbed to it.
Michelle was awakened around three o’clock by a nursing checking her
blood pressure. She spoke quietly with
the nurse so as to not awaken Kevin or AJ, and responded to the questions being
asked of her. The nurse ended her
conversation by advising her that Carey was on his way and would answer her
questions in further detail. Kevin
awoke as the nurse was leaving the room.
“Hey, did you sleep?” he asked in a groggy voice, his hair
spiky on the right side from laying on it.
Michelle smiled sweetly at him and attempted to smooth it back down.
“Yes, Carey’s coming soon.
Do me a favor?” She asked
quietly. He nodded. “Will you call Howie? I know I should but I just don’t know what
to say right now. I'm so torn by all
this.”
“Torn? How so?” he asked as he righted himself and rubbed his
eyes.
“Well, this isn't going to make much sense, but. . . I am truly
sorry about losing this baby, Howie’s baby, and I’ll always wonder what it
would have been like, you know? I'll
regret losing this baby for the rest of my life. But, damn it, why didn't I even sense I was pregnant? What does that say about me? I knew immediately when I was pregnant for
Kimmie. I’m thinking I'm being punished
for what I did before, betraying Howie, having that abortion when I was
sixteen. . . and it's probably for the best that I did miscarry, cause I don't
deserve it.” She looked over at him with tears running down her face. “We’ve
only been married a month, only been together seven months. We’ve got years,
right? Maybe I'll be able to redeem
myself someday, somehow. Now is just
not the time to start a family with him.
I feel so disgusted for even thinking like this." She paused to
wipe her cheeks. "I think Howie is going to take it a lot worse than I
am.”
Kevin wasn’t sure what to say.
How would he know how it felt to be pregnant and whether or not it means
anything because she didn’t realize it?
Of course Howie was going to be devastated, but he'd be more concerned
about her. They could have a child when
they're ready, right?
"Don't, honey. You
have every right to feel the way you are.
As I said, everything is happening so fast. And please don't even think you are being punished. I know you don't believe in God, but I do,
and He wouldn't do this. You don't need
to redeem yourself. There is no reason
for you to even think that. I'm sure
there's a logical, medical reason why this happened. Just ask Carey, ok?"
Kevin hugged her quickly, not sure if he was even helping. "I'll call Howie and tell him you'll
call him yourself when you get home tomorrow, ok?"
Michelle nodded mutely and tried to compose herself. As soon as Kevin left the room Carey and a
nurse came in. He greeted her warmly
and checked her chart. The nurse
adjusted the IV drip and left immediately after. Carey gently sat on the bed where Kevin had been and spoke calmly
to her.
"Michelle, I know you're exhausted and feeling pretty
miserable, so I'll cut to the chase." She nodded at him, grateful for his
directness. "You lost the baby because you had a cyst explode on your
ovary, a pretty big one. Several little
ones on your cervix, as well. I'm
surprised you never complained about pain before."
"Cyst?" she looked at him wide-eyed. "What does that mean?"
"You want me to get Kevin or AJ before I go on?" he
asked, concerned for her emotional state and what he was about to tell her
wasn't going to make her any happier.
"What? Why would I want you to get them? Just tell me what
you are trying to say, Carey."
"Michelle, it could be cancerous. They removed the cyst on your ovary and a
biopsy is being done on it. We won't
know until late this morning." He
squeezed her hand, "I'm sorry. Let
me go get Kevin." He got up but
she tugged back on his hand quickly.
"NO! You tell no one, Carey, understand? I'm not going to
drag the people I love into this. If it
is cancer, then I'll deal with it when you know. If it's not, then they'll never have known. I won't put any of them through this,
ok?" He was totally taken aback at her calmness, but deduced it as being
that she probably hadn't absorbed what he'd said yet.
"I understand, but don't go through this alone. Please.
You want to talk about it some more?"
She shook her head slowly, "No, thanks. I'm fine." He watched her for a few moments before leaning over and kissing
the top of her head.
"I'll be right down the hall if you need me,
okay?" He noted her nod and left
the room somberly. Michelle lay back
against her pillows and closed her eyes, feeling nothing, not wanting to think.
AJ laid behind the curtain with tears in his eyes, distraught
over what he'd just overheard. He tried
to control his breathing and suddenly felt like he was hyperventilating. He sat up quietly and breathed deeply behind
his hands. Sweat coagulated on his
forehead and face. His stomach lurched
and he wanted to vomit. -- Dear God, she's been through enough. Please, please don't let her be sick. -- Instinct
finally took over and he jumped off the high hospital bed and ran through the
curtain separating the two beds. His
actions jolted her up and she stared at him in terror.
"Tell me you didn't hear that. Please. . . " She choked out.
He answered by sitting on the side of the bed and engulfing her
into his arms, sobbing quietly against her hair. She let out a low groan and fought to push him off. "NO!
You were sleeping. God damn
it!" He held her tighter and felt
her own sobs start to release.
Kevin re-entered the room to find them in this way. His breathing stopped and fear clutched at
his heart. -- Oh God, what now? -- His conversation with Howie had gone as
expected. Howie listened to him
quietly, shaken to the core. He asked
over and over if Michelle was okay. He
insisted on getting the next flight home, but Kevin reiterated everything
Michelle had said about not wanting to ruin his excitement and happiness over
the film he was working on. Howie swore
violently and raged at Kevin, protesting that his love for her was far more
important than any fucking film he was working on. Kevin understood completely, but managed to calm him down
somewhat by advising him that she'd be home, safe and sound, in her own bed
tomorrow and that he'd have her call him back within fifteen minutes to
reassure him that she was okay.
"AJ? What's wrong?" he asked walking slowly towards
them.
Michelle's eyes flew open and took in Kevin's ashen
appearance. Her heart went out to him
once again. No way did she want him to
know about the potential cancer. God,
he'd experienced it before and she wasn't going to put him through that. She pulled AJ's head closer to hers and
whispered harshly. "Don't tell
him!"
AJ and Michelle broke apart and Michelle looked him in the eyes
quickly to make sure he understood. He
gave her the slightest nod and turned towards Kevin. "Ah, Kev, I just had a bad dream and couldn't help
myself. I'm becoming a blubbering
idiot!" His attempt at a bit of
humor seemed to ease Kevin somewhat and he heard Michelle laugh lightly,
falsely.
"Thank goodness.
Michelle, Howie needs you to call him.
If you don't, he's catching the next flight here." He shrugged his
shoulders helplessly. She nodded
knowingly and reached her hand out for his cell phone. AJ and Kevin moved off to the corner of the
room to allow her a bit of privacy, their heads close together as they spoke in
low tones.
Michelle breathed deeply trying to control her feelings and
then dialed Howie's cell phone with shaking hands. He answered before the first ring even finished ringing.
"Michelle? Oh God, are you okay?" his voice tore her
apart, but she managed to control her own for his sake.
"Sweetie, don't worry, I'm fine, honestly. I'm so sorry, Howie"
"Don't babe. I'm
sorry too, I should have been there."
"No, how were we supposed to know this was going to
happen? I swear, Howie, I had no idea I
was even pregnant. God, if I had known,
you know I would have told you instantly."
"I do know that. I
want to come home, now, to be with you."
"Howie, please don't, I beg you. I'm okay, honestly. Carey
said I could go home later this morning.
I'm fine and I want you to stay and finish filming. I'll see you in a few days anyway and then
we'll have the rest of the summer to be together. Please stay and finish?"
AJ and Kevin listened to her end of the conversation. AJ amazed that she could hold back her
emotions so well. Kevin was afraid that
Michelle was holding back her emotions too much.
The phone call went on for another twenty minutes, Michelle
struggling to keep the tears out of her voice the whole time. She loved him so much and didn't want him
worrying more about her than he already was.
He finally agreed to her begging and said he’d stay in California, but
she was to call him every few hours, no matter what he was doing or where he
was he would take the call.
CHAPTER FIVE
When Michelle hung up the phone, she was surprised to hear AJ
say it was nearly five in the morning.
She called out to Kevin.
"Kevin? Will you go home and get me and AJ some clean
clothes? I want to be ready to leave as
soon as Carey gives the clearance. And,
I want you to get a few hours sleep."
She noted his reluctance. "Please? And call Patti later and explain
to her briefly what's going on, but don't let her tell Kimberly. She's too young to deal with this."
Kevin admired her strength and family commitments, and finally
left after giving her another hug and assurances that he'd do as she had
asked. When he was gone, Michelle
looked over at AJ, who had been standing against the windows watching the sun
slowly rise.
"AJ? Thank you for not telling him. I didn't even want you to know, but since
you do, thank you. I guess I do need
someone to hold my hand for the next few hours, but I'm sorry to put you
through this."
He turned away from the windows and stared at her with glossy
eyes. His thoughts were swirling
frantically within his head. He felt so
overwhelmed with the knowledge of what she may be facing, He prayed silently, continuously, that the
tests would come back negative. He
approached her and sank down next to her and took her two cool hands into his
own, rubbing them to warm them up.
"Don't be sorry, I'm glad I'm here with you. I don't know what to say…"
"Let's not say anything, okay? Sing to me?"
He cuddled up next to her and put his arms around her
shoulders, drawing her close, and thought silently,
If you lay down,
lay down beside me
You can get on inside me
"AJ!" she interrupted, "not appropriate, try
another one." She said poking him lightly in the ribs. He chuckled and grinned wickedly at
her. She laughed lightly at him and he
squeezed her tighter. He began again,
hesitantly, his voice cracking just a little.
Ooh she may be weary
And them young girls they do get weary
Wearing that same old shaggy dress
Michelle smiled into his shoulder, grateful that he'd selected
one of her favorite artist.
But when she gets weary
Try a little tenderness
You know she's waiting
Just anticipating
The thing that she'll never, never, never possess,
But while she's without it
Go to her and try just a little bit of tenderness
It might be a bit sentimental no no no
She has her greaves and care
But the soft words they are spoken so gently
It makes it, makes it easier to bear,
You wont regret it
No no,
Them young girls they don't forget it
[Cause] Love is their whole, whole happiness Yes, Yes, Yeah
And its all so easy
Come on and try
Try a little Tenderness
Yeah Try
Just keep on trying
You've got to love her
Squeeze her
Don't tease her
Never leave her, make
love [Get to her]
Hold her tight
Just, just try a little tenderness
That's all you gotta do
You've gotta hold her tight
(Otis Redding - Try a Little Tenderness)
By the time he'd finished, she'd fallen asleep and he was
relieved. He laid there for a while
wishing Howie were here instead, regretting that he hadn't called him right
away upon hearing Carey earlier or even letting Kevin know. He carried a heavy burden right now; afraid
he wouldn't be strong enough for her if the verdict came back positive.
**************
Kevin entered Howie's house with an incredible sense of
tiredness, despite the sun radiating down upon his world at this early
hour. He slowly strolled through the
living room and then the kitchen, picking up and straightening as he went. He grinned when he saw the mess on the
counter, knowing AJ had prepared himself some food. He entered the den and reeled from the sight of the dried up
blood on the sofa. He slowly reached
for the cleaner and paper towels and set about cleaning it up, with tears once
again threatening to spill from his eyes.
Once finished he knew he had to go upstairs and face what was
up there as well. He took a long time
to climb the flight of stairs and willed himself not to think about what had
gone on in this house earlier. One look
at the mass of bloody clothing on the floor and he ran into the bathroom and
vomited in the toilet. After he'd
composed himself, he grabbed a plastic bag from under the counter and quickly
threw the clothes and gloves and bedding into it. He secured it tightly and brought it back downstairs and out to
the garbage cans at the back. He sank
to the ground, drew his knees up to his chest and covered his head while he
wept silently one more time.
****************
Howie paced his hotel room over and over, alternately running
his hands through his hair or over his face.
He couldn't think straight. His
mind reeling from the thoughts of his wife lying in a hospital bed suffering
over the loss of their child and more so concerned about his reactions to
it. Despite what she said, he really
wanted to go home. Finally after three
hours of driving himself crazy he called his mama.
"Mama? I'm sorry to call so early."
"Howie! What's wrong? What's happened, honey?" Mama D
heard the desperation in his voice.
"Michelle, she, ah, she had a miscarriage today." He
broke out in the sobs that had been building within him for the last few hours.
Mama D was beside herself with concern for her beloved son, her
baby. She spoke soothingly to him for a
long time and assured him she'd go right over to the house and take care of
her.
CHAPTER SIX
Carey finally made his much anticipated, much feared appearance
at noon. He brought with him another
doctor, whom he introduced as Dr. Emeline Chambers, an oncologist. The word oncologist made Michelle and AJ
shoot a quick glance at each other, but neither wished to see what was in the
other's eyes.
"Mrs. Dorough, I'm happy to report the biopsy came back
benign. The cyst was not
cancerous. I do strongly suggest you
come back in a month so further tests can be done to ensure it hasn't begun
developing again."
AJ whooped in relief, reached over to Michelle and hugged her
with tears of happiness glistening in his eyes. She sat momentarily stunned, shocked at the results. She'd felt for sure that they'd come back
just the opposite. Something inside of
her had made herself believe that in the last few hours her world was coming to
an end.
"I don't believe it.
Oh…" she hugged AJ back finally and released a small scream of
relief.
Carey stood beside Dr. Chambers with a huge smile on his face
and watched their reactions with joy.
"Thank you, Dr. Chambers, Carey, I want to go home! Now!" she said as a wave of energy
washed over her.
"Hold on! I
understand your relief and exuberance, but you still need to stay in bed for
the next couple of days. Don't forget
your body has been through a significant change in the last day and you are
still recuperating from the loss of blood and the surgery." Carey cautioned her.
"Sure, but I can stay in bed at home, can't I?"
Carey looked towards Dr. Chambers and she nodded her head. "Give us a couple more hours to monitor
you and then if everything keeps improving, we'll release you."
************
Howie arrived at the set late, full of apologies, but
determined to finish his scenes on time.
He explained his need to accept any telephone calls from Michelle or his
friends and family, without going into details. The director acquiesced knowing that Howie and Michelle were
married, but that the public was still in the dark.
He called Michelle at the hospital immediately after his first
scene of the day was shot and a break was called to set up the next.
"Hi Beauty, how are you feeling?" he asked with
longing to be with her.
"Howie, I'm great.
I feel so much better already.
Carey should be coming back any minute to release me, I hope." He
was pleased to hear her in much better spirits. "Howie? I didn't tell you something earlier and please don't
be upset with me for holding back."
He felt his skin prickle suddenly and became very anxious. His eyes roamed the set frantically,
fearful. His heart beat double time for
a second before he found his voice. "Babe?"
"Howie, I'm sorry.
I lost the baby because apparently I had a cyst, a rather large one, and
they had to check it for cancer. But
I'm fine. The tests came back a little
while ago as benign." She held her breath in anticipation of his response.
"What? My god, why didn't you tell me?" he sunk down
onto a seat and closed his eyes; his heart constricting in his chest, his legs
shaking violently.
"Please, honey, I didn't want you worrying all night
long. What good would it have done for
you to have known this?" She
shivered involuntarily, hating putting him through this, but knowing she had to
tell him now.
He was silent for a few moments, absorbing what she'd just
said. His heart ached that she hadn't
told him last night. He felt hurt,
unneeded.
"Howie?" she called out to him in a small voice. "Please don't be mad. I did it for you. I couldn't stand the thought of you worrying about me until I
knew the results. Please talk to
me?"
"Are you sure about the results? There's no chance they're wrong?" he asked with just as
small a voice.
"Yes, I'm sure."
"Then that's all that matters, that you're okay. Promise me, though, that you'll never hold
back on me again." His voice rose
with passion. He wanted to scream at
her, he wanted to grab her and hold her tight against himself. He wanted to be with her. He told her all these things.
"Oh, I swear. God,
I can't wait to see you. I'm so
sorry. I want you here with me now, but
if you leave now, you'll just have to go back to finish, right?" She craved his touch; she needed to see him,
to be in his arms, to console him, to make sure he was okay.
"I'll be there Friday night! I love you more than anything.
Oh god, you have no idea how relieved I am that you're okay." He
felt his heart beating regularly finally, "Who's with you? Who knew?"
"AJ. He's right
here. I wouldn't let him tell anyone
else, I didn't even want him to know, but he overheard Carey earlier."
"Let me speak to him?"
She called AJ from the bathroom and handed him the phone. He took it eagerly, with relief, knowing
she'd just told Howie everything, at his insistence.
"Hey D! God, it's good to hear your voice."
"Bone, thank you for everything. For being there in my place, I don't know how I'll ever be able
to repay you." Howie said huskily.
"There's no need, D.
Just be thankful she's okay."
AJ moved aside as Carey came into the room with a smile on his
face. "I think they're going to
release her now, D. Don't worry, Kevin
and I will stay with her and we'll meet you in Boston on Friday
night." AJ handed Michelle the
phone and she and Howie said their tearful good byes.
***************
Howie closed his cell phone and held it loosely in his hand. He attempted to stand up but found he didn't
have the energy. He felt drained,
tired, scared, and yet relieved as well.
God damn, in the last eighteen hours his own wife suffered a miscarriage
and a hellish waiting period to find out if she had cancer or not and he wasn't
there for her. He slouched his body
forwards out of fatigue, oblivious to the chaos around him.
A large warm hand touched his shoulder. He looked up wearily with sad teary eyes.
"Nick? What the
hell are you doing here?"
Nick smiled shyly and sat beside him. "Kevin called me a few hours ago. He told me what happened to Michelle. He sounded pretty shaken, so I could only imagine how you'd
feel. I'm really sorry, D. How you holding up?"
Howie still looked incredulously at Nick, "Nick, I can't
believe you came. Wow, thank you. I'm
pretty much a wreck over this.
Especially…" He stopped and
shook his head.
Nick watched him with worry.
"Especially what Howie?
What's wrong?"
Howie stared at the phone in his hand and said quietly,
"She lost the baby because of a cyst and she only just found out a while
ago that it was not cancerous. Damn it,
Nick, I can't help but think what she went through waiting for the results. She didn't tell me when she first found it
because she didn't want me worrying."
The clutter of emotions on Howie's face told Nick all he needed
to know. He guided Howie out of his
chair and walked him towards the row of trailers that served as dressing
rooms. "Which is yours?"
Howie indicated one and allowed Nick to guide him there. Once inside, Nick shivered slightly from
the difference in temperature and turned to look at Howie, who was just
standing there with his eyes closed.
Nick took the few steps towards him and pulled his friend into his
arms. Without the slightest bit of
embarrassment, Howie leaned against him and let his emotions roll out of him. They stood that way for a long time, one
drawing strength and comfort, the other wordlessly giving strength and comfort.
**************
Kevin finally pulled into their driveway around two that
afternoon. Michelle and AJ were both
overwhelmed with longings to be back in their own home, grateful to be out of
the dreaded hospital, exuberant over her new lease on life. Kevin eyed them curiously several times,
during their exit from the hospital and the ride home, over their sudden bursts
of smiles; however, he didn't question them, as he was just happy to see them
both smiling.
Once they were inside, Michelle hugged them both quickly and
started up the stairs.
"What, no arguments?" Kevin looked at her in
surprise, so sure was he that she'd try to disobey the doctor's orders of bed
rest.
She turned back and looked down at him with a sweet smile on
her face. "I'm really tired
now. I think just this once I won't
give you guys a hard time." Her
smile broadened at their wide eyes and she winked quickly before proceeding up.
When she entered her room the smile melted away and the tears
of sadness and relief took over. She
welcomed the sight of her freshly made bed and after kicking off her shoes,
climbed into it and pulled the covers high over her head and cried her heart
out.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Monday late afternoon, Patti hung up the phone with a heavy
heart and a throbbing headache. AJ had
just finished telling her the news, even about the cancer scare. He couldn't help it. He couldn't keep it to himself any
longer. Patti cried quietly as he spoke
for yet another loss within her small family.
First, her mother, then Matt, Rob and now this, her sister's unborn
child. She slowly eased into a kitchen
chair and rested her head in her hands.
-- God damn it! What the hell did
we ever do to deserve such misery in life? -- She was beside herself with grief and grateful that Kimberly was
next door, having already made new friends after only three days. Patti allowed her emotions to take over her
body. Hell, her hormones were totally
out of whack as it was, from her own pregnancy. She moved one hand over her abdomen and lightly rubbed the
tiniest of bulges that only she could feel, and said a silent thank you to
whomever, whatever, for at least allowing her to so far have an uncomplicated
pregnancy.
Once she was drained of her tears and self-pitying for herself
and her sister, she stood back up and resolved to finalize the house plans, so
that Michelle and Howie and AJ and all the rest could have a fun, relaxing,
easy going summer. She pulled a bottle
of raspberry water from the refrigerator and made her way back out to the patio
to go over her lists once more.
The realtor had done an excellent job in finding just the right
house. A large eight-bedroom clapboard
home on the beach, in the lesser-known Tom Nevers section of Nantucket, was the
perfect setting for a vacation. Just
the right amount of privacy and only a short drive back to the center of
town. So far, Patti had enlisted the
services of a couple of local women to assist her in making the house suitable
for her friends. She'd even rented two
vehicles and a dozen bicycles, along with a small boat for Nick. Nick and Aaron were due in on Thursday and
both she and Kimberly were excited over their arrival.
Patti looked up at the sound of feminine giggling in the air
and looked over at the three girls running towards her. Kimberly pulled her friends, Gracie and
Hope, onto the patio and they all sank into chairs around the table laughing
and out of breath. Patti smiled warmly
at them, happy that she'd had this chance to spend some one on one time with
Kimberly, her only niece.
"Auntie Patti, will you take us to the cinema
tonight? There's the new Joshua Jackson
horror movie out and we're dying to see it!" Kimberly asked sweetly.
Patti laughed aloud and shook her head in amazement. "How can you like that horror
crap? Gives me nightmares for weeks
after watching them!" She
shuddered involuntarily.
The girls all giggled and tried talking over each other to get
their favorite types of scenes imbedded into Patti's head. She finally threw her hands up and agreed to
take them.
"On one condition!
You three go inside and clean up that den. Your CD's and hair things and magazines and all that junk is all
over the place!" She laughed as
she tried to sound stern, knowing they'd never believe it anyway.
**************
Michelle awoke several hours later and felt much better. Her dreams were full of Howie running to
her, holding her, kissing her. She
smiled lazily and stretched her legs as she tried to hold the dreams inside for
as long as possible. She reached over
and pulled the phone off the nightstand and dialed his number. It rang several times before he breathlessly
answered.
"Michelle? God, I'm glad I didn't miss you." He
laughed quickly, "I couldn't find the phone!"
She laughed along with him, savoring the sound of his voice
against her ear. "I just woke up
from the most wonderful dream of you! I
had to call you right away to hear your voice.
To know that you aren't upset with me and that you really love me
still."
Howie's heart gave a quick pang before he answered, "I'm
not upset, Beauty. How could I be? The diagnosis totally outweighs your lack of
telling me sooner. Let's just forget
about that, ok? And I'll love you
forever, and ever, no matter what, understand?"
“I do, honestly. I
don’t mean to sound so insecure sometimes Howie.” She regretted her comment and
wished she’d worded it differently.
“I’m sorry. How are you? Are you
enjoying your sex scenes?”
He laughed heartily and teased her for a few moments before
sobering up, “Beauty, you know I don’t have any sex scenes in this film. The only sex scenes I’ve got are with you
and that’s all I ever want!”
“Baby, you say the sweetest things! Is it any wonder why me and millions of females are so madly in
love with you?” She so loved hearing his laugh and felt greatly relieved that
he was sounding so much better than earlier in the day.
“Nick’s here. He showed
up earlier and has been a great comfort.
I think he’s getting the acting bug though.”
“Nick? How’d he hear?”
Michelle suddenly felt nervous.
“Kevin called him apparently.
I guess he needed someone to talk to and without meaning to really. I also told Nick about the other
thing.” Howie sounded a little
remorseful, but relieved. “I’m glad I
did though.”
“Oh babe, I’m sorry.
Look what I put you through!”
“Michelle, they are our friends and though not related by
blood, they are my brothers in my heart.
We can’t keep things from them.
It would be unfair. They’ve
shared so much of their lives with us and we need them to share ours. I think you’ve got to call Kevin and tell
him before one of us slips and says something.” Howie was right, she knew it, but something inside her didn’t
want to.
“Howie, I don’t know.
He’s got so much going on. We
had a talk earlier, about his distance lately.
He’s harboring a lot of fears, you know. He feels like everything is slipping away. You guys and me. I tried to emphasize that I’ll always be here for him, but
something tells me he really needs you guys to assure him that you all aren’t
planning on quitting any time soon. I’m
sort of afraid for him and I don’t want to add to his fears.”
Howie listened quietly and with complete understanding. He vividly recalled the Kevin of two years
ago, the Kevin that hid his fears and demons, and the Kevin that tried to kill
himself. “Michelle, call him
please. By not telling him, you are
holding back and that will hurt him more.
Please, you of all of us know what it’s like to feel like things are
slipping away. Call him; quell his
fears about yourself. I’ll do the same
as soon as we get to Nantucket this weekend.”
She twirled the phone cord around her fingers as she listened
to reason. Howie was right, of course,
Kevin needed them, needed his brothers, and he needed her and Kimberly. She wasn’t blind to his affection for her
daughter. He loved her truly and had
been a surrogate father to her since the day they met. Kevin hadn’t seen Kimberly in over three weeks. He must be really hurting to have avoided
her as well.
“Okay, I’ll call him in the morning. I love you so much, Howie.
You are so smart!” She eased off
the bed and stretched her body. “I’m
going to take a shower now and see what’s going on downstairs. I’m surprised AJ’s not glued to my
side. I woke up a few times earlier and
he was sound asleep next to me every time.
You do realize he’s harboring some guilt over this too?”
Howie nodded knowingly, “I know. He didn’t say anything, but I know my best friend and I know what
he’s thinking. Just let him play nurse
and look after you for the next few days in my absence. With Patti gone already, I’m sure he’s
feeling out of sorts.”
“Howie, listen to us.
We sound like a couple of parents worrying about our kids. . . oh, I
didn’t mean that!” Michelle cringed at
her poor choice of words once again, “I’m sorry, I keep putting my foot in my
mouth today!”
“Honey, let’s not have to watch what we say just because of the
miscarriage, okay? I know it’s still an
open wound, but we’ve got to keep moving on, right? Did Carey or Dr. Chambers say anything about the possibility of
you being able to have any more children?”
Howie held his breath. He’d
thought of this topic of conversation numerous times today but didn’t know how
to ask her about it until now.
Michelle released her breath slowly, gratefully; glad he had
broached the subject that had been on her mind all damn day. “I don’t know yet. I’ve thought of it all day, but am rather scared to find
out. Give me the courage, Howie, to ask
the question.” Her eyes were misting
over once again. What if she could never
give him a child now?
“I’ll call Carey for you, okay?” He again mentally kicked
himself for not being there with her.
“No, Howie, I’ll do it.
You just finish up with your movie and stop feeling guilty for not being
here! Got it?” She didn’t need his courage; she needed to
make the call because of him, for him, for herself. “I’ll call him and see what they have to say. I don’t know about you, but I think we
shouldn’t rush this anyway. We have so
much life together ahead of us and we don’t need to rush everything so soon.”
“I agree with you, Beauty, but, you know, sometimes you just
can’t help but wanting everything right now.
What I really want now is to be with you. I am so looking forward to this summer. Whoever had this brilliant idea of escaping for two months is
going to get one hell of a big kiss from me!”
He laughed merrily at the thought.
Michelle did too.
“Well, if I recall it was Nick and Brian at the wedding
reception who came up with the idea. So
lick your lips, baby, and get to it!”
She doubled over from laughing at the thoughts of her husband kissing
Nick and Brian.
“Ewww, stop it or I’ll have to stick Nick on the next plane to
Timbuktu to get these thoughts out of my head!
You’re so naughty. I thought
Patti suggested Nantucket?”
“Oh, she did! But it
was Nick and Brian who suggested all of us going somewhere. Okay, you don’t have to kiss Nick or Brian,
but you better save it for me instead.”
They chatted a few more minutes and Michelle hung up the
telephone with a brilliant smile and headed into the bathroom. She glanced at the clock quickly and once
again was surprised at the time, ten at night.
Her last two days had just totally flown right by her. She shook her head and groaned slightly over
the thought of all the packing she still had to do and now only a couple of
days left to do it in.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Michelle wandered down the stairs thinking of what Howie had
said about talking to Kevin. She
dreaded it, but decided he deserved to know.
They did use to tell each other everything, up until a month ago. She still felt somewhat hurt by his lack of
presence in their lives lately, but told herself she understood it better
now. She strolled through the empty
house, wondering where AJ had gone.
Hopefully out and about, she thought.
She entered the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and stared at the contents
in disbelief. Mama D must have been
here, she thought. There were numerous
containers full of entrees and several different bottles of beverages. She opened a blue container and inhaled the
appetizing scent gratefully, suddenly feeling quite hungry. After she reheated some of the food, she
carried the bowl with her as she continued walking through the house.
Howie and AJ had totally different tastes, but they’d managed
to make a beautiful home. She lovingly
picked up a wooden carved zebra off the hall table and turned it around in her
hand. On the bottom was the signature
of a fan that had carved the animal for AJ.
She replaced it carefully and stood back a bit to gaze at the artwork on
the wall above it, another work of art from a fan. They were indeed lucky men to have so many adoring fans and she
felt so proud to have gotten to know them personally. Her life had taken a definite turn for the better on that rainy
November night last year. She proceeded
down the hall and heard tinkling from the piano.
“Kevin? I’m so glad you’re here.” She said as she stepped into
the studio.
He looked up quickly at the sound of her voice and smiled. Her heart caught in her throat as she gazed
upon her best friend, her soul mate. He was the man who had taught her to love
again and not be afraid of her past.
She’d forever remember their night of passion and how wonderful he had
made her feel. She loved him in a very
special way and her heart still swelled at the sight of him. No one had ever affected her in such a way
before. She never knew before that she
could love a man so much and yet not be in love with him.
She walked towards him while she ate the soup and offered him a
bite.
“Mmm, must be Mama D’s,” he said, moving over to make room for
her on the bench.
“Must be. Was she here
then?”
He nodded and accepted another bite, “Yeah, she and Polly came
by a few hours ago. They were very
concerned about you and were relieved you were sleeping so soundly, so they
didn’t wake you. They’ll be by tomorrow
though. I made Polly take AJ out.” He grinned as he stole the spoon from her
and helped himself to her food.
“Hey! Get your own,
mister.” She laughed at his antics, “I’m glad you did that though, he needed to
get away from all this,” she said, referring to herself. “I’m glad you’re here too. I wanted to talk to you.” She accepted a spoonful of the soup from
him.
“You want to tell me about the cancer?” he asked slowly,
looking her directly in the eye.
Her eyes widened and she looked back at him in shame. “Oh shit, Kevin, I swear that is what I was
coming to talk about. Who told
you? AJ?”
He shook his head as he put the bowl down on the piano, “No, I
spoke with Patti earlier. I called to
talk to Kim and when we were done, Patti came on the line. She thought I already knew.” His voice didn’t hold any malice as she’d
expected. He just sounded tired,
slightly hurt.
“Kevin, I’m sorry. I
didn’t want you to know because of all the memories of your dad. I didn’t want anyone to know until the
results were in. I didn’t tell AJ, he
overheard and I begged him not to tell you.
I’m sorry. I just didn’t want
you to have to deal with it. I would have loved your support last night, I hope
you know that.” She placed her hand on
his arm and looked at him, her eyes begging for him to understand.
“Honey, you don’t have to apologize. I’m not your husband; hell, I haven’t even been a good friend
lately. You don’t owe me any
explanations.” His words hurt her even more.
“Don’t say that. I do
owe you an explanation. I owe you
everything, Kevin! I’ve told you so
many times before that I love you.
You’ve been my savior for so long.
You’re the only one who truly understands me. Why don’t you realize that anymore? What has happened to us?” Her heart ached, her pelvis ached, and
now her head ached. Why couldn’t she
recall what she did or said to make him retreat in this way?
He shook his head as he turned away from her and walked towards
the sliding glass doors leading to the back yard. He leaned over and placed his hands on the glass and stared out
into the dark night. She sat on the
bench and watched him silently, shaking slightly, confused.
“Kevin?”
“Michelle, I can’t help it.
The day you married Howie was the hardest day I’ve had to live through
in a long time.”
She walked slowly towards him, fearful of his sudden sullen
tone.
“Why?” she asked softly.
He pushed himself away from the glass and turned towards
her. His arms hanging limp at his side,
his dark brows knit in thought, his green eyes darkened and his mouth set in a
thin line.
“It’s the day I realized that. . . “
“Hey guys!” AJ bounded into the studio, pulling Polly behind
him. Kevin tore his eyes away from
Michelle and thanked God that he had been interrupted. He’d almost made a drastic mistake telling
her.
Michelle jumped at the sound of AJ’s voice and turned towards
him quickly, instinctively.
“Michelle, babe, what are you doing out of bed? Damn, the minute I turn my back, you are
ignoring the doctor’s orders?” He came over to her and hugged her tightly. She felt suffocated and in a daze. --
What was Kevin going to say? What did
he realize? What did I do? -- She hugged AJ back briefly before gently
pushing him off.
“AJ, stop. I’m not
doing anything wrong. I’m fine,
honestly. Hey, Polly.” She said moving
towards her sister-in-law. Polly pulled
her into a hug as well and spoke quietly to her as she led her over to the
sofa. AJ looked over at Kevin and
noticed his solemn demeanor.
“Kev? What’s up, buddy?
You look awful!”
Kevin pulled himself together quickly and took a deep
breath. “Thanks, Bone! You do have a way with words.” And timing,
he thought to himself.
Michelle talked with Polly for several minutes, but her mind
was on Kevin. He worried her
tremendously. What was he going
through? What could she do to help him?
Kevin and AJ moved over to the piano and AJ read over the song
Kevin had been working on. “Man, Kev,
this is deep. But, I like it.” Kevin acknowledged him with a small smile
and watched Michelle and Polly. He
could tell that Michelle was only half listening to Polly. Her hands gave her away. She picked at her thumbnail
continuously. He knew she was lost in
thought. He knew he’d concerned her and
she was racking her brain trying to determine what he was going to tell
her. He thought quickly of an alternate
response, as he knew she wouldn’t let it go.
He also thought how too quickly his alternate response came into his
head and he reeled from the thought, finally admitting it to himself once and
for all.
A half hour later, Polly excused herself and went home,
promising to return tomorrow with Mama D to help Michelle pack. AJ walked her to the door. Michelle immediately got up and moved over
to Kevin. Determination evident in her
expression.
“What Kevin? What did you realize the day I married Howie?” Her
hands were on her hips in an attempt not to let him see their shaking.
He looked directly at her and smiled feebly. “Michelle, I realized I wasn’t really in
love with Telly that day. The love you
and Howie have made me see that I just don’t have that in me with her.” Saying it out loud, saying half of the
truth, made him feel better. At least
he’d refrained from confessing his love for her. That was what was most important. He didn’t want to cause her any further turmoil.
“Oh Kevin. I’m so
sorry.” she walked around the piano and hugged him tightly, “I’m sorry,
honey. God, now I understand why you’ve
stayed away. I’m sorry, really. Seeing me and Howie so happy must have been
so hard on you.”
If only she knew how hard it had been on him.
CHAPTER NINE
The next two days dragged rather slowly for Michelle. AJ was constantly at her side, enforcing
that she stay in bed. She had to laugh
at his persistence; he was only trying to protect her best interests,
specifically her health. She felt much
better as each day wore on. However,
whenever he wasn’t exactly in the room with her, she did get up and pack and
organize as much as she could. Mama D
and Polly came over on the Tuesday and spent the day with her, keeping her
company, enthralling her with stories of Howie’s younger years, reminiscing
over old times. Mama D knew better than
anyone how Michelle was feeling over losing her baby. Of course, she’d had it a lot worse, but she was there for her
and she comforted her in her moments of need.
They helped her pack, but the longer Michelle had to stay in bed, the
more she thought of what she’d forgotten to pack. They would be gone two months after all and not only did she have
Howie’s and her own things to think of, but Kimberly’s as well. Patti had done a thorough job before she
left and had ensured she and AJ would have everything they needed. On Wednesday, the shipping company showed up
and took the majority of their things, including a couple of Howie’s and AJ’s
guitars and Kimberly’s keyboards. Kevin
had been teaching her all these months and Michelle was so impressed with
Kimberly’s abilities.
Michelle used her time as well to finalize several contracts
for John and Howie. They were
purchasing more land and hoping to start construction by the fall. She dealt with the realtors and the
attorneys and felt confident by Wednesday afternoon that everything was in
order. While she was in Nantucket, John
was only going to send her the most important contracts to review. If he had his way, he wouldn’t send her any,
but she was insistent upon doing what little she could from so far away.
AJ entertained her in his usual way. Making her laugh until her sides ached, making her flustered over
his flirting and teasing. They had
slowly eased back into their flirtatious relationship, but still were both very
much aware of how far they went. They
had both seen Dr. Jack Towers a couple of times since that fateful night and
both were still dealing with their own issues.
For the most part, both were just so happy that neither harbored any ill
feelings towards the other and that they could still be as close as they always
were. In Michelle’s mind AJ saved her
life. She didn’t ask Carey what would
have happened if AJ hadn’t been there, but she knew anyway.
Howie called several times a day and was feeling less guilty
about not being there for her, as she sounded better every day. Nick had stayed with him in Los Angeles and
was having a blast hanging around the sets with Howie and the other
actors. Every night they went out with
a group of people and had a fun time.
Howie felt somewhat guilty about that as well, but Michelle assured him
that she didn’t mind and that he deserved to have a good time.
Kevin came by only briefly on Wednesday morning, claiming he
was swamped at the studio and had to wrap up the production of an album. Michelle knew he was still hurting. If AJ would release her from the prison he’d
made, she would have gone directly to Kevin’s office and demanded he get out
and focus on the brighter things in life.
For now, she resolved, she’d just be there for him for when he was ready
to open up again.
On Thursday morning, Michelle was awakened by the sound of her
bedroom door closing. She rolled over
and through sleepy eyes saw Kevin walking towards her.
“Kevin? God, what are you up and about so early for?” She
rubbed the sleep from her eyes and pushed her hair away from her face.
He sat on the bed next to her and took in the sight of
her. He loved seeing her so innocent in
the mornings, hair all messed up, no make up on her eyes, slight indentations
on her cheek from the pillows. He
reached out a hand and pushed another piece of her hair behind her ear.
“Michelle, why haven’t you called Carey yet?” His question took
her by surprise and she sat up and turned towards him.
“What?”
“Why haven’t you called Carey and made a follow up
appointment? And why haven’t you asked
him about the chances of you having another baby?” He asked her with a calm voice.
His own longings, desires, and wants pushed to the back of his
mind. He was here for her, as a friend.
“Who have you been talking to?
Howie?” She was confused and
honestly didn’t want to discuss the subject.
“Yes, and Carey. You
were supposed to call Monday afternoon to schedule something for today or
tomorrow. Carey knows we are all
leaving tomorrow afternoon and he called me out of concern because you haven’t
called him or returned his calls. And I
spoke with Howie this morning and he expressed his concern over the fact that
you had promised to call Carey and discuss your future possibilities with
him.” Kevin got off the bed and went
over to open the blinds. “Michelle, you
can’t do this. You can’t deny and or
try to forget what happened the other day.”
“I’ll never forget, Kevin!” she climbed out of the bed and
walked towards her closet, feeling anger starting to swell within her. “What the hell makes you think I could ever
forget losing a baby or the thought of having to deal with any future cancer
scares?”
Kevin looked back at her, growing equally as angry. “I’m not talking about the baby,
Michelle! Don’t mess with your
life. Don’t start thinking that if you
avoid going back to the doctor’s that you can avoid dealing with this. It’s just a check up for christ’s sake.”
Michelle walked out of the closet with clean clothes in her
hands. “Why are you doing this,
Kevin? Why are you trying to upset
me?” The tears were starting to
form. She hadn’t expected anyone to
know what she’d been thinking. Damn
him! Why did he know her so well?
He walked the few steps towards her and pulled her against
him. “I’m just trying to make sure you
stay alive.” With those words, she
broke down and cried against him, releasing her fears. “Sssh, don’t worry, hon. They aren’t going to tell you have
cancer. You just had the surgery a few
days ago and everything came back fine.
But you need to make sure you keep going back when they tell you to, to
make sure nothing else has developed.”
He held her tightly, feeling her fear as it washed over her. “I won’t let you ignore this. Ever.
I’ll keep after you constantly about this. And in my heart I know you’ll be fine, but God forbid, if
anything ever does develop, I will be there in every fucking possible
way.” This made her cry harder and she
clung to him for dear life. He felt his
own tears sliding down his cheeks. He should
have realized sooner that she had these fears, instead he’d only been thinking
of himself and his own feelings. He
resolved right then and there to be the best friend he could be for her. Fuck his self-pitying and pathetic
feelings! From this moment on, he was
going to give her his friendship one hundred and ten percent.
“Michelle, come on, you have a doctor’s appointment in forty
minutes.” She pulled away from him and looked up into his face. He gently rubbed the tears from her cheeks
and bent down to kiss them. “I’m sorry,
I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
She threw her arms around his neck and held him again, tightly,
“Thank you, Kevin. I love you so much.”
She pulled back and kissed his lips gently.
“Only you would have picked up on my thoughts. Do you see how much I need you?”
He nodded, “I know, I promise the old Kevin is back and I’m
here for you, for anything, any time, any place.”
Everything went fine at the doctor’s appointment. Carey thought she was healing nicely, but
expressed concern that her blood pressure was a bit low and to continue to take
things easy for the next several days.
His response to her question regarding future pregnancies was a little
guarded. “Michelle, only time will
tell. I don’t see any reason why we
can’t hope for a successful pregnancy.
Just don’t worry about it and when you’re ready, we’ll see how it
goes.” Michelle nodded quietly and
accepted his response.
Kevin took Michelle to lunch afterwards and had her laughing in
no time. They found a great little deli
down in the center of the city and ordered massive sandwiches, which they ate
as they walked along the busy streets towards the truck. Several times they were stopped as Kevin was
recognized and Michelle graciously held his sandwich each time while he signed
autographs or posed for pictures. A
small number of the fans knew she was Howie’s girlfriend, fortunately totally
oblivious to the fact that she was actually his wife, and they got her
autograph and picture as well. Michelle
laughed happily, still in awe that people wanted her autograph or picture just
because she hung around with some famous people.
“Kevin?” Michelle asked as she got back into his truck, “When
the fans find out I’m Howie’s wife, will they hate me for very long?”
Kevin was taken aback at her question, “Well, if they do, then
that’s just because they’ll be jealous.
But, remember, they don’t know you, the real you or anything about
you. If they say they hate you, you
can’t take it personally. Okay?”
She nodded her head and buckled up her seat belt. “Okay, boss! Just a moment’s worth of panic there. I won’t even think about it.
Now, what’s next? Where we
going?”
Her eyes were shining and her smile was genuine. “What do you
want? Where do you want to go?” He asked with a grin, glad that she was
happy.
She shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know! I’m just so happy to be out and about and to
be with you. You look happy again,
too.”
He smiled beautifully and realized he did feel happy. “I am.”
She nodded and continued, “I’d love to go Disney Village and
walk through the gift shops. What do
you say? You know I love it there. I’ll even buy you a present and an ice
cream.”
Her laughed at her and took her to Disney Village.
CHAPTER TEN
Kevin and Michelle didn’t return until almost dusk. After spending hours at Disney Village, they
decided to take a ride over to the studio and he wrapped up the last few things
he needed to do on the new artist’s album he was producing. Michelle was thrilled with his final product
and ensured him that as far as she was concerned the album would indeed be a
great success.
AJ threw the door open as they were just about to open it. “Where the hell have you two been?” The look on his face was a mixture of
annoyance and concern.
Michelle laughed lightly at him and poked him in the ribs
gently. “AJ, chill out. We were just shopping and stuff.”
“Shopping! Damn it, you
are suppose to be resting and getting better, not running all over town. The least you could have done was call me!”
Michelle looked over at Kevin and laughed at his sheepish
grin. “AJ, I forgot my cell phone and .
. .”
“Oh, you mean this one?” he asked holding up her phone. “What about you Kevin? Forget yours too?”
Kevin pulled his from his pocket, “Of course not. Oops, the battery is dead though.” Michelle burst out laughing and took her
phone from AJ’s hands.
“I’m sorry, AJ. It was
just so good being out and things went well at the doctor’s. I really didn’t mean to concern you.”
“What did Carey say?” AJ asked, looking at Kevin. Kevin walked past him towards the kitchen.
“Her blood pressure is a little low, but otherwise, everything
is fine. I’m going to call Howie and
let him know.”
Michelle looked at the two of them and shook her head, “Um,
excuse me, but am I not in the room anymore?
Kevin, I can call Howie, and AJ, you can stop worrying and go out and
play now.”
AJ caught her elbow and gently guided her towards the stairs,
“Oh no, you’re back in my house and you’re back under my supervision. Up stairs with you and get back into
bed. Kevin call Howie.”
Michelle protested all the way up the stairs, but gave up as
laughter overtook her. She
affectionately held AJ’s hand as he led her towards her room.
“How was your day, aside from worrying?”
“I had a great day. I
was at the studio. . .”
“Studio? We just left there.”
“You did, what were you doing there?” AJ pushed her into a
sitting position on her bed and began taking her sandals off.
“Kev just wanted to wrap up his work before we leave tomorrow. AJ, you’re going overboard. I can do this.”
“Hush you. I have
something great to tell you.” The
excitement on his face was beautiful.
“I finished recording ‘Try a Little Tenderness’, but I’ve decided not to
release it under Johnny No Name.”
“What? Why AJ? What are
you going to do?” she asked as she scooted to the middle of the bed and made
herself comfortable against the headboard.
“I want it to be a Backstreet Boys’ song and if the guys agree,
we’ll record it next month and I have some great ideas for a video on the beach
at Nantucket.” He walked around the
room in circles full of excitement and plans running through his head.
“Wow, that sounds amazing.”
She smiled brightly for him.
“Yeah, and I want you and Patti and Lauren and Telly in the
video as our girlfriends. I don’t know
about Nick, he needs a new girlfriend and soon.” He stopped and turned back to her quickly, “No, wait. He’s the heartthrob. We’ll just have Kimberly and a bunch of
other young girls we can find up there, chase him on the beach and stuff. Yeah, that would be awesome!”
Michelle laughed at the picture in her head of poor Nick
running away from a group of pre-teens.
Then she thought of Kevin and Telly.
What if he didn’t want her there or she didn’t want to be there? They’d spoken about his relationship earlier
in the day and he was very torn over it.
He did love Telly, to a certain degree, but he wasn’t sure if they were
going to continue much longer. She felt
sad for him and kept her fingers crossed that he’d decide soon, to his ease one
burden off his mind.
“AJ, why would you want us in it? You should get some professional models or dancers or something.”
“Michelle, I want to slowly introduce the world to Patti. I want them to start seeing us together,
because I’m not going to keep her or my child a secret forever. And, I know Howie feels the same. Why not let the fans get accustomed to our
real life loves?”
Michelle smiled at him, “Thanks, AJ. That’s a really bold move, you know? Trust me, I don’t care if the world doesn’t know about me and
Howie. I love him for who he is, not
for being famous.”
“We all know that.
That’s not the point. Sooner or
later, fans are going to find out about us, and all our secrets. Better off coming clean ourselves. The fans won’t feel as betrayed that way.”
Kevin returned shortly thereafter, telling Michelle that Howie
would call her back after he wrapped up his next scene.
“We’ve decided to make a couple of changes for tomorrow,” he
said as he sank into a chair.
“What changes?” Michelle asked him as AJ turned the television
on.
“Well, don’t get pissed or anything, but we both agreed that
you’re not going to hang around the airport for three hours waiting for D’s
plane. You’ll take my place or AJ’s on
the connecting flight and one of us will wait for him and then catch the next
flight out to Nantucket. We’ll skip the
rental car in Boston and just get another in Nantucket.”
Michelle stared at him with an open mouth, “No! Who the hell do you two think you are making
plans for me like that? I want to be
there when Howie gets off the plane.
Don’t you understand, I need to see my husband and I’ve been looking
forward to this all week? I need him.”
Kevin got up from his seat and approached her, “How’d I know
you’d react like this? Listen, Howie
insisted you go right to the island.
It’s only a few hours difference.
You’ll see him soon enough. I
wholeheartedly agree with him. Look how
pale you are now after spending a few hours out. Michelle, please don’t fight it and let us take care of you.”
The anger in her eyes remained and tears threatened to
spill. “But. . .”
“No buts!” AJ chimed in.
“I think it’s wise as well.
Hell, you get to see your daughter sooner this way.”
Michelle looked over at him, feeling instantly guilty for not
thinking of that sooner. “Men! You know the world would just not believe
what you guys are like in real life.
Bossy and mean as hell!” AJ and
Kevin both chuckled at her, “Fine, but this is the last time you guys get to
run my life, got it? I’m twenty-nine
years old for christ’s sake and right now I feel about ten!”
“Good girl.” Kevin teased as he made himself comfortable on the
left side of her and patted her head.
“What’s on TV, Bone.”
AJ made himself comfortable on the right side of her and
flicked the channels rapidly. Michelle
snuggled up to Kevin and pinched his belly.
He in turn pinched her arm and she cried out, “No fair! I didn’t pinch
you that hard.” AJ laughed wildly, so
Michelle kicked his leg with her foot. He
in turn kneed her in the back of the leg.
“Oh, you two are so mean.” They
all laughed as they continued to attack each other.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The flight to Boston was uneventful and quiet. Michelle, Kevin and AJ were the last to
leave the plane, as always. Their
summer plans were not public knowledge, but somehow the fans always found out
what flights they’d be on. By the time
they got off, only a few fans were mingling around in hopes of a chance meeting
with them. AJ and Kevin walked ahead
of Michelle and graciously chatted with the six girls and gave them
autographs.
“Why is it we always see Howie’s girlfriend with you two?” one
fan asked boldly while her friend snapped away with her camera.
Kevin and AJ shot quick looks at each other before AJ replied
quickly, “She may be Howie’s, but she’s our best friend. We’re just keeping an eye on her. “ He said
and winked at the girl, “Don’t worry, Howie is meeting us later.”
“Oh, okay, meeting you where?” she replied eyeing
Michelle. “And, who’s wedding band is
she wearing?”
Michelle froze at that and quickly readjusted her jacket so
that it hid her hand. “Wedding
band? Oh, it’s my mother’s and I wear
it in her memory.” Michelle said, hoping not to sound too unconvincing. The girl seemed to accept it and moved off
as another fan was pushing her aside.
They were led directly to a VIP lounge where they waited until
the connecting flight to Nantucket would be called.
“Oh my god, I totally forgot about my ring. What are we going to do?” Michelle was
pacing nervously back and forth in the small room.
“Don’t worry about it, babe.
Your explanation was good enough.” AJ said quickly. “Damn it, this is what I was talking about
yesterday. Do you see now why we need
to incorporate more of the girls into our public lives?” he asked Kevin.
Kevin nodded, “I know, it’s not fair to them. We’ll tell the other guys about your ideas
tomorrow and then work on a plan with management, okay?”
AJ and Michelle left right after to catch the connecting
flight. Kevin made himself comfortable
with a drink and a book while he awaited Howie’s arrival.
Minutes before the plane was expected to land in Nantucket,
Kimberly started showing her excitement by jumping around the terminal and
singing ‘Everybody’.
“Kim, chill out, chick, you want to bring attention to us?” Nick asked, with a
huge smile on his face. She stopped and
turned to him quickly, crossing her eyes and sticking her tongue out at him.
“Yeah, Nick, I want the whole world to come running in here and
jump all over you two blonde dorks!”
She was ecstatic to have her favorite person in the whole world back at
her side, as well as his cute little brother.
Patti and Nick burst out laughing while Aaron eyed them all
wearily. “Nick? I thought she was your friend?” That caused Nick to laugh even harder as he
quickly stretched out his arm and pulled Kim down in the seat next to him.
“She’s my best little friend.
I think you should marry her one day, Aaron, to keep her in the family.”
Kimberly and Aaron, both blushing furiously, protested
vehemently at Nick’s suggestion, disgusted over the thought of marriage.
“Geez, Nick, she’s not anywhere near dating age and you already
have her married off.” Patti said while
trying to contain her laughter. She
looked towards the door once again and Nick caught her.
“Patti, the plane has to land first before they come walking
out that door. How many times I gotta
tell you that?” Patti playfully punched
his arm and then grinned at Kimberly.
“Looks like we’re in for a long summer, Kim. I hope you’ve been using your imagination
and have plenty of activities planned.” She said with a wink.
Several minutes later the small plane finally landed and once
again they were last to get off.
However as it hadn’t been discovered yet that the group was in
Nantucket, there weren’t any fans waiting.
“MOM!” Kimberly flew into her mother’s arms and they joyously
reunited. Patti stood and watched AJ
swagger over to her, with a brilliant smile firmly plastered on her face.
“How ya doing, cutie?
Wanna get funky with a Backstreet Boy?” he teased as he threw his
backpack at Nick and grabbed her and kissed her deeply.
Nick and Aaron looked at each other and shrugged
helplessly. Seconds later Michelle was
hugging Nick furiously and thanking him for being there for Howie. Nick smiled shyly and assured her it was his
pleasure, before introducing Aaron to her.
AJ and Patti finally broke apart and AJ slung an arm around Nick’s
shoulders and ruffled Aaron’s hair playfully.
“Hey, watch the hair, Bone!” he cried as Kimberly and Michelle
laughed at them.
“Let’s go guys. Where’s
your bags?” asked Patti grabbing AJ’s hand away from Aaron’s head.
“We don’t have any, virtually everything your sister owns has
already been shipped,” AJ said with a wicked grin firmly in place.
“Hey! Nick, beat him up
for me, will you? He’s been such a pain
the whole trip,” Michelle said hooking her arm through Nick’s and holding
Kimberly close. “Boy, did I miss you
guys. Hey! Patti?” she suddenly realized she hadn’t greeted her sister.
Patti stopped dead in her tracks and turned quickly to her,
“Oh, aren’t we the loving family? Come
here you!” They hugged each other
tightly.
“How you feeling?” they both asked at the same time and burst out laughing.
“Excellent!”
“Great!” They continued on their
way and exited the airport.
******************
By the time Howie’s flight had arrived, Kevin had consumed four
scotches and his eyes were slightly glazed.
“Hey man!” Howie shouted as he entered the VIP lounge. Kevin looked up from his book and stood to
greet his friend.
“D! Good to see you. How was the trip?” His tone conveyed a false
sense of delight.
Howie looked curiously at Kevin, “Fine. This isn’t like you to drink so much,
Kevin. What’s going on?”
Kevin shrugged his shoulders and fell back into his seat. “Just wallowing in my own misery.”
Concerned, Howie gently set down his two bags and sat next to
Kevin, “What misery, Kev?”
Kevin took a large sip of his fifth drink. “The misery of life, D. You wouldn’t understand, buddy. You’ve got it all.”
Howie stared at him, fearful for his friend, “Kevin? Why do you
say that? You’ve got it all too, man!”
“No I don’t. I don’t
have what you have.”
“And that is?”
“Michelle.” Kevin replied in an incredulous tone, slurring her
name, “What else would I be talking about?”
Howie sat stunned. What
was this all about? What was going on
here?
“What the fuck are you talking about, Kevin? I know you’re drunk, but you must realize
what you’re saying.”
Kevin looked him in the eye and blinked a few times, “What?”
Howie’s anger was slowly rising, despite his best efforts to
remain calm and find out what was going on with Kevin.
“You said you didn’t have Michelle. She’s your best friend, what more do you want?” He hated the question, fearful of the
answer.
Kevin stood up clumsily and walked towards the bar and ordered
another drink. Howie quickly followed
him and canceled his order, before drawing him to the far side of the
room. “Kevin.”
Kevin collapsed in a seat and dropped his head into his hands
and Howie could see his shoulders heaving, “Kevin?” He placed a hand cautiously on Kevin’s shoulders and felt an
immense sense of compassion. “Please
tell me what’s wrong.”
Kevin gasped heavily into his hands several times, “I’m sorry,
D. I don’t mean anything. I’m just drunk. Forget everything I said.”
“No Kevin, I won’t. Tell me now.” Howie grasped his shoulder a little harder
and forced Kevin’s head up from his hands.
“I’m in love with your wife, man!” he said slowly bringing his
eyes up to meet Howie’s. Howie drew in
his breath and fell back against his own seat.
“Shit!”
Kevin dropped his head back into his hands and cursed
quietly. Howie allowed his gaze to
settle on the ceiling tiles. What the
fuck is going on here? Why did he have
to pressure him into answering? That was the last thing Howie wanted to hear.
“Michelle know?” he asked quietly.
Kevin pulled his head up once again and turned to Howie,
instantly regretting opening his mouth and telling the truth. “Of course not, Howie! I’m a stupid fool, but I’ll never destroy
your marriage or her love for you.
Forgive me. I’m so fucked up
right now and totally didn’t intend on telling you any of this. Jesus Christ!” The realization that he just confessed his feelings to his
friend, about his friend’s wife, overwhelmed him. “Oh fuck, Howie, I’m so sorry.”
He attempted to stand up once again and felt his legs give way on
him. He fell back into his seat and
rested his head on the back of it.
Howie sat mutely in his seat and continued staring at the
ceiling.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Nick pulled the van into the circular driveway in front of the
house.
“Oh my god, this is amazing!” exclaimed Michelle as she got out
and stared at the huge house. “I’ve
never seen anything more beautiful.”
She looked at the huge house and surrounding grounds, taking in the
heavenly scent of the rose bushes flanking the driveway.
“Wow, this is something,” replied AJ, as he stood next to her.
“Well, come on, the inside and the back yard are even better
than this,“ stated Patti as she led the way to the front door. Inside was indeed better. The house was huge and airy and beautifully
decorated in soft blues and creams.
Patti led them down the main hall past the staircase to the back of the
house, indicating the large living room and dining room on the left and the
airy kitchen on the right. She led them
directly to the back wall and slid open one of the many sliding doors. She stepped down onto the patio and walked
to the railing, inhaling the intoxicating scent of the salty sea air.
Michelle, AJ, and Nick followed her and stood around her
admiring the gorgeous view of the luscious green lawn and the slight bulges of
the sand dunes directly off it. The
ocean rushed towards them from a distance of a couple hundred feet, before
collapsing along the shore in beautiful sprays of white foam.
“This is heavenly,” sighed Michelle. She looked behind her and smiled at Nick. “Where’d Kim and Aaron
go?”
Nick laughed and indicated back inside. “Guaranteed they couldn’t pass the den
without stopping in and having a game of pool.”
“Pool? We got a pool
table?” asked AJ, overly excited. Patti
laughed happily at him and slid her arm around his waist.
“Yes, baby, you don’t think we’d let you suffer two whole
months without a pool table, do you?”
She asked while leaning into him and relishing the familiar scent of
him. She had truly missed him, more
than she had expected.
He looked down at her and wrapped his arms around her. “God, I love you!” He leaned closer and whispered in her ear, “Fuck the pool table,
where’s our bedroom?”
She laughed huskily and pulled him inside and they ran quickly
toward the stairs. Michelle and Nick
burst out laughing and went back inside towards the kitchen.
“Can I get you a drink, Shelley?” Nick asked as he opened the
refrigerator.
“Sure, Nick, thanks.
You look good. California seems
to have relaxed you,” she said as she settled on a stool at the counter and
watched him.
“Yeah, I had a great time.
It was good to be back with the family.
I really enjoyed my stay this time.” He handed her a coke and sat
opposite her. “What about you? Feeling better?”
She looked at him adoringly and nodded her head, “Yeah, I feel
pretty good, Nick. Thanks for
asking. Of course, Kimberly knows
nothing about any of that. Aaron
doesn’t know, does he?”
Nick shook his head, “I haven’t told anyone else, except Brian,
who I’m sure told Lauren.”
“Brian! I keep
forgetting how far away he is. Thanks
for telling him, Nick. I’m kind of sick
of talking about it, you know?” She took a sip of her soda as he nodded, “So,
what have you been doing since you got here?”
“Well, we’ve got this really great boat to use and the four of
us took a ride this morning. Kimberly
is a natural on the water skis now, you know.
She really picked it up quickly.
She and Aaron are getting along great, a little shy with each other at
first, but you know kids,” he rambled on and on. Michelle smiled a silly smile at him the whole time. “And then Kim introduced her friends to
us. Gracie and Hope, from next door,
and they totally freaked out! It was so
funny. They kept looking from Kim to me
to Aaron and back around again. I guess
she hadn’t said whom she was staying here with. They asked her how she knew us and she blurted out that her
mother was married to Howie. Well, they
totally flipped out over that.”
“Wait a minute! She
told them we were married? Oh god, I
should have known she wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret for very long.” Michelle was tempted to cry over her sudden
exposure, but took a deep breath instead and shrugged her shoulders, “Oh well,
it’s bound to be discovered some day soon, right?”
Nick looked at her with a compassionate expression, “Don’t
worry, Shelley. I asked them to keep it
a secret for now. Of course, I had to
bribe them with free tickets to our next Boston concert, and backstage passes,”
he said rolling his eyes, “so, I think they’ll keep it to themselves for
now! Oh yeah, I also had to promise to
take them out on the boat tomorrow!”
Michelle laughed out loud and thanked him.
“Want to take a walk on the beach?” she asked him. He looked closely at her.
“Sure you’re up to it?”
She nodded her head and jumped off the stool, calling out to
Kimberly. “We’re going for a walk on the beach, wanna come?” Kim and Aaron bolted out from the den and
grabbed a Frisbee and a beach ball on their way.
********************
A security guard entered the VIP lounge and quietly informed
Howie that their flight was ready and they needed to board right way. Howie thanked him and then looked over to
Kevin. Kevin was passed out in his
seat. Howie sighed heavily and went
over to him.
“Kevin, come on, man. We gotta
go.” He shook Kevin’s shoulder several
times before he came to.
“Howie? Where are we?”
Howie looked at him with a mixture of disbelief, anger and
concern. “We’re still in Boston. Let’s go, our flight is ready.” He turned away and collected his two
suitcases and strode to the door. Kevin
pulled himself up from his seat; wobbled a bit and felt his head spin.
“Fuck, how much did I drink?” Howie turned back to him and
looked at him curiously.
“You don’t remember?” he asked incredulously.
“No, I don’t. Why do
you seem so pissed? What’d I do?” Kevin walked slowly towards him and bent to
collect his book. He saw the five empty
glasses on the floor next to his seat.
“Shit! Tell me I didn’t drink
all that? No wonder I feel like shit.”
Howie just stared at him for a moment before turning and
heading to the gate. Kevin followed at
a slow pace behind him, wondering what was eating Howie.
Once they were settled into their seats, Kevin asked Howie what
was wrong.
“What’s wrong? You blow
me away, Kevin. I’ll tell you! You sit here totally oblivious to what you
told me two hours ago?” Howie’s hands
were shaking uncontrollably so he grabbed the arms to his seat and clutched
them tightly.
“D? What the fuck did I
say?” Kevin asked suddenly scared.
Howie ignored him for several moments while he attempted to
calm himself down. He pursed his lips
tightly and debated dropping the matter, however, his anger got the best of
him.
“Fuck you, Kevin! How
dare you? How dare you tell me that you
are in love with my wife!” Howie turned
to him, his eyes glowing with anger, his teeth clenched.
Kevin gasped loudly and slammed his hand against his
forehead. “Oh fucking hell, please tell
me you didn’t just say that!” He looked
back down at Howie and tried to remember exactly what he had told him
earlier. “God, Howie, I’m sorry. Jesus christ, I didn’t. . .”
“Didn’t what, Kevin?
Didn’t mean to wreck my homecoming?
Didn’t mean to covet my wife?
Didn’t mean to destroy our friendship?”
Kevin reeled backwards from the force of Howie’s words. “Howie, please, believe me. I may have admitted I love her, but I swear
to God, I’ll never act on it. Please,
Howie, please believe me. The last
thing I want is to hurt you. I swear
I’ll never tell her, I’ll never show her.
Please, Howie, don’t do this!”
Howie closed his eyes against his own rage and felt a scream
forming in his throat. He choked it
down and balled his hands into two fists.
Inside he was just barely holding on.
How could one of his best friends be in love with his wife? How could he not have seen it before? How could he have let her go to him last
December? Why did he allow it, knowing
they’d end up in bed together? Why was
he such a trusting person? Why, dear
god, why this?
Kevin laid his hand gently onto Howie’s left hand. “Howie, please. I’ll get on the next plane and leave right away. Please forgive me. I’m so sorry.”
Howie allowed Kevin’s hand to remain where it was. “Kevin?” he asked after fifteen minutes,
“how long have you felt this way? Since
the beginning?”
Kevin sat up straighter and turned towards him, “No, Howie, I
swear. I only realized these feelings
last month. God, that’s why I’ve stayed
away from you guys all this time. I
told Michelle it was because I realized I wasn’t in love with Telly, but I
swear your wife does not feel the same about me as I do her. I swear it, Howie.”
“Fine, Kevin.” Howie
said quietly.
Kevin watched him, not understanding his last comment, “Howie?
What does that mean?”
Howie unclenched his hands and turned to face Kevin, “Fine
means fine. I’m sorry you fell in love
with my wife, but she’s mine. I love
her more than life itself and I won’t let her go, ever! I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to keep
your feelings to yourself. I can’t hate
you for loving the same woman as I do, Kevin.”
Kevin noticeably exhaled a deep breath, not realizing he’d been
holding one in. “Okay, Howie. I promise, I’ll keep it to myself. Forever!”
Howie nodded and turned back against his seat.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Fortunately the few hours since their arrival passed
quickly. By the time Nick, Michelle,
Kimberly and Aaron returned from their walk, Patti and AJ were lounging on the
patio, sipping lemonade and catching up.
“Hey, you two, it’s so great here. I feel so relaxed already,” commented Michelle as she walked the
few steps up to the patio.
“It is indeed. I’ve
been here all week and every day feels more glorious,” replied Patti,
happily. “Want me to show you which
room is yours?”
Michelle and Patti went inside and up the stairs. “At the top of the stairs, your room is the
first on the left. Mine and AJ’s is on
the right. Nick and Aaron took the
third and fourth rooms on the left, leaving the second one open. Kim has the third on the right, leaving the
second and fourth ones open. I thought
you and Howie would like the end room, it has an amazing view of the ocean.”
Michelle held her little sister’s hand affectionately. “Thanks, Patti. You’ve done an amazing job setting this all up for us!” They reached the top of the stairs and went
into the bedroom on the left. “This is
beautiful. Feels like I’m living in a
fantasy sometimes.”
Michelle strolled around the room and lightly fingered the
furniture and materials covering the bed and windows.
“I know what you mean,” sighed Patti, “Who’d have ever thought
we’d be here? I remember coming when we
were young, but we never stayed in anything so spectacular.” She grew wistful over their early
years. “I miss Mom and Matt and Dad.”
Michelle turned back to her and smiled knowingly. “I know you do, sweetie. I do too, a lot. Can you believe Dad’s been gone for almost fifteen years? You think we’ll ever hear from him again?”
Patti shrugged her shoulders and walked towards the
windows. “Who knows, it’s been so long. At least that’s one thing AJ and I have in
common. Absentee fathers.”
“Patti, you and AJ have a lot more in common than that and you
know it.” Michelle gently rubbed Patti’s back as she stood next to her. Patti nodded her head and turned away from
the windows.
“Okay, let’s make a pact. No more sad
thoughts. We’ve got so much to be
thankful for now.” Michelle looked directly at Patti as she spoke.
“It’s good to hear you have that attitude. Howie should be here in less than two
hours. You must be dying to see him.”
“More than you know!” Michelle said passionately. They chatted for a while longer and went
back downstairs to join the others. A
couple hours later, Michelle stood impatiently on the front steps watching and
waiting for Howie.
As Howie followed the directions Patti had left for them, he
looked quickly over at a somber Kevin.
“Kevin?”
Kevin hesitantly looked back at Howie, still feeling like shit
and with a throbbing headache. Three
hours to sleep off all that alcohol had not done the trick. While he didn’t feel intoxicated any longer,
he knew it was definitely still in his system.
They hadn’t spoken more than ten words since the plane and their last
conversation. Kevin didn’t blame him;
he hated himself for drinking so much earlier and losing his tongue.
“Yeah, D?”
“Promise me once again you won’t take her from me.” The
apprehension in his voice pierced Kevin’s heart.
“God, D, I swear on my life.
I’ll never ever take her from you.”
Kevin’s eyes implored Howie to believe him. Howie pulled off the road quickly and put the car in park. He rested his head on his hands on the
steering wheel and sighed deeply. Kevin
sat helplessly next to him, desperate to turn time back and have his words
stricken for all eternity. “Howie?” He
asked softly after a few minutes.
“Please believe me. I’ll stay
away from her, totally.”
Howie looked up and rubbed his eyes before turning to him, “How
can you do that, Kevin? You know how
hurt she was that you avoided us all last month and just last night she was
telling me how happy she was that you were back.”
Kevin swallowed the imaginary lump in his throat and gazed back
at Howie wordlessly.
Howie continued, “I want you to go on as you always did, before
this, and be the friend she believes you to be.” Kevin was about to interrupt, but Howie held his hand up to stop
him, “I’ll never forget what you feel for her, but as long as you don’t act on
it or tell her, then I’m going to do my best to ignore it. Understand?
But I’ll be watching, don’t doubt that.”
Kevin nodded his head quickly and thanked him. “Howie, I hate putting you in this position,
but I am sincere when I say Michelle loves you and only you. I’ll get past this, somehow, someday. God, Howie, I spent all day yesterday with
her and I swear it was just like old times, I was just happy to be with
her. I didn’t pine for her or attempt
to seduce her. I’m so screwed up with
all this.”
Howie nodded, “Maybe you should have seen Dr. Towers before you
left. Can you call him?”
Kevin nodded and Howie put the car back in gear and pulled out onto the road,
“Good.”
Ten minutes later they pulled into the driveway and they both
saw her sitting on the front steps. She
leaped to her feet and smiled broadly.
Howie flew out of the car without a second thought about Kevin. He met her halfway and they hugged so
tightly, so totally, so much more so than when they had departed last
Sunday. Kevin got out his side of the
car and made his way toward the house.
“Oh Howie, I missed you so much.”
He choked on his reply, “Me too, babe.” His lips sought hers and they clung
together, ravenous for the other’s touch.
Time stood still as they savored the presence of each other, stroking a
cheek or an arm or frantically entwining their fingers, kissing frantically
each other’s eyes, foreheads, lips, and cheeks.
Patti flung open the door just as Kevin approached.
“Kevin!” she cried happily at the sight of him. “Get in here you!” He
smiled genuinely at her and hugged her tightly.
“Patti, you look great.
How you feeling?” he asked once she closed the door behind them.
“Excellent, now that you all are showing up. I see the lovebirds are lost in their own
world.” She commented indicating with her head to the door.
Kevin nodded and allowed her to pull him down the hall. “AJ, Nick and Aaron are in the den playing
pool and Kim’s upstairs.” She led him
into the den and he was greeted joyously by his friends. After ten minutes of catching up he looked
over to Patti.
“Which room is Kim’s?”
She told him and pushed him towards the door.
“Go up, I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to see you.”
Kevin jogged up the stairs, hopeful that she would indeed be
awake and happy to see him. He knocked
quickly on her door and opened it cautiously.
Kimberly was sitting on the window seat with a notebook in her lap. She looked up quickly and broke into a huge
smile.
“Kevin!” she cried gleefully while flinging the notebook and
pen down and running to him. He bent
down and she threw her arms around his neck as he lifted her off the ground and
hugged her forcefully.
“I missed you, Squirt.” He said into her ear. She held him tightly and replied in
same. Kevin’s heart swelled. He felt like he was holding his daughter,
loving her unconditionally, feeling her love in return. How could he ever chance losing her? He had to quell his feelings for Michelle,
get back to the way they should be. He
couldn’t bear to lose them, not after all this time; not after loving them both
so much that it amazed him.
They stayed in her room for ages, chatting about anything and
everything. Kimberly questioned him on
his absence and he apologized profusely and promised it wouldn’t happen
again. He didn’t explain anything to
her and she didn’t question him further.
She was just accepting that he was here now and would be for the next
two months.
When they finally ventured back downstairs, they found everyone
in the living room lounging on the sofas and chairs and floor and laughing
happily.
Michelle jumped up from Howie’s lap at their arrival and
greeted them both affectionately. Kevin
hugged her back, somewhat reserved, glancing quickly at Howie. Howie watched them briefly before turning
his attention back to AJ. Michelle
rejoined Howie and he possessively pulled her back onto his lap and nuzzled her
neck. Kevin sat beside Nick and
commenced a conversation with him.
Everything seemed normal.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
By eleven o’clock, Michelle could stand it no more and leaned
over to whisper into Howie’s ear. “I
need to go to bed.” She pulled back and
gave him a sweet smile. The gleam in
his eye as he lovingly looked at her sent a slight shiver through her.
“Coming?”
Howie replied by pushing her off his lap and quickly getting to
his feet. With a quick “Good Night” to
everyone he grabbed her hand and led her from the room. Michelle looked back at Kimberly and was
about to speak when Kevin caught her eye.
He looked from Michelle to the sleeping Kimberly and said he’d
carry her up later. Michelle nodded and
thanked him before gently pushing Howie down the hall. They walked quickly hand in hand down the
hall, up the stairs and into their room.
Breathlessly, Howie closed the door behind them and then backed
her up against it, burying his hands in her hair and cupping the sides of her
head.
“Do you really and truly love me?” he asked huskily. She moaned deeply and kissed his lips
hungrily.
“I love you more than you’ll ever know. God, Howie, I’d die for you!” she proclaimed
in between her kisses.
He pulled her closer by sliding a hand down around her back and
brushing his lips across hers before gently prying them apart. Their tongues met and they both melted into
each other more so. She grasped him
around the waist and felt intoxicated from him holding her, loving her.
As their kisses intensified, they slowly maneuvered towards the
bed. He lowered his sweet kisses to her
neck while she lovingly caressed his back and shoulders. His thumbs nudged the thin straps of her top
down and he proceeded to ravish her bare shoulders with his swollen lips. She moaned lustily and moved her hands down
to his bottom and pulled his crotch closer to hers.
He broke away from her, panting heavily, and kissed her mouth
longingly once again. “Should we be
doing this?” he asked.
She caught her breath.
“Definitely!”
“But what about. . .”
“I don’t care, Howie. I’ve yearned for
this moment all week. I’ll be fine,
just please make love to me.” She ran
her fingers to the back of his head and easily pulled his hair from the elastic
confining it. “Please, Baby, I need you
so bad. I crave you.” She spread his soft locks with her hands as
she reclaimed his lips.
He pushed her top down to her waist and sought her breasts
eagerly. His hands stroked and cupped
her expertly, causing her nipples to harden instantly. His mouth once again broke away from hers as
they carelessly fell upon the bed. She
brought her hands to his chest and swiftly unbuttoned his shirt, sliding it off
his golden shoulders before tasting his magnificent chest with her lips and
tongue. He groaned huskily as he slid
her shorts down her hips and off her legs.
While she continued to lavish hungry kisses along his torso,
her hands trailed down to his waist and quickly unclasped his pants. They both mindlessly shed him of his
clothing before he fell across her and kissed her deeply. Her hands roamed his body, seeking to
forever absorb the touch of every inch of him.
She twisted slightly so that they lie side by side and settled her hands
on his hardened member finally and brought forth a ravaged cry from his
mouth. His hands in turn slid under her
panties and gently yet greedily massaged her pubis.
They expressed their love and desire with soulful, poetic,
sweet words mingled with sensual moan and cries, while they explored and
gratified each other. Their longings
and desires escalating ever further.
Their temperatures rising.
Feverishly they joined as one.
Howie holding back slightly, fearful of hurting her. Michelle tensing slightly as he entered
her. Within seconds both shed their
inhibitions as their love and hunger overpowered them. Their union was captured in blissful
harmony, their bodies moving in perfect unison with one another. Their cries of passion, love, desire, and
need resounded all around them. As it
was meant to be, they exploded simultaneously, feverishly, breathlessly.
They clung together afterwards absorbing and cherishing the
beauty of their love. They continuously
stroked one another gently, lovingly, long into the night.
******
Michelle awoke the next morning with the sun shining brightly
upon them. She quietly turned to her
side and gazed at the beautiful man sleeping soundlessly beside her. Her heart was so full of love for him. She lightly traced his forehead, his
eyebrows, his cheekbones, and his jaw.
With each passing second she grew happier and happier in the knowledge
that he was actually here, beside her, forever. She swore to herself to love him for all eternity.
She quietly eased herself out of the bed and padded into the
bathroom. After washing her hands and
face and brushing her teeth, she slipped into some light summer jogging pants
and a tank top. She tiptoed back over
to him and placed a feather light kiss on his forehead before leaving the
room.
As she walked through the hall towards the kitchen, her smile
increased at the sound of the familiar voice singing in there.
“Brian!” she exclaimed as she walked towards him, “What are you
doing here? I thought you guys weren’t coming in until later today.”
He turned at the sound of her voice and smiled sweetly before
giving her a quick hug. “Hey Shell, how
are you?”
“I’m great. So, what
happened?” she asked as she poured a cup of coffee.
“Well, the weather was really lousy the last couple of days in
England, so we caught an earlier flight.
Got here just about an hour ago.”
“Where’s Lauren?” she asked looking around.
“Outside with Patti.
Where’s Howie?” he asked grinning.
“Still sleeping. I’m
glad your back, Brian. I missed you
two.”
She settled on a stool across from him and changed her tone to
one of seriousness.
"I was hoping you could talk to Kevin."
“Oh?” he instantly tensed up, wondering what had happened.
“Yeah, he’s really going through some stuff lately. He told me that he realized he wasn’t in
love with Telly and he’s struggling over whether or not to continue the
relationship. He avoided me for almost
a month, but was back full force the last couple of days and then, again, last
night, he seemed so reserved and withdrawn.
I’m really worried about him.”
Brian nodded somberly, "I'll talk to him, Shell. Don't worry. I'm sure he'll sort it all out and be fine." He didn't want to get into the conversation
much further than that, not until he talked to Kevin first. "He's out on the boat with Nick, Aaron
and Kim and a couple of other little girls.
I haven't seen him yet."
They took their coffee cups and went out onto the patio to join
AJ, Patti and Lauren. After a half hour
of catching up with Brian and Lauren, Michelle went back inside to shower and
get dressed.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
As she entered their bedroom, she quietly walked over to the
bed and sat beside Howie, who was still fast asleep. She kissed his lips softly, but he didn't stir. Not wanting to awaken him, she slipped into
the bathroom and took her shower.
Later, as she was leaning over the vanity applying eyeliner, he
quietly came up behind her and slid his arms around her waist. Instantly, a huge smile formed on her
face.
"Good morning, sleepy head," she said meeting his
eyes in the mirror.
"Mmm, a good morning it is now that you are in my
arms." He replied while moving his lips to the side of her neck and
bringing one hand up to caress her breast.
His other hand slid down to her hip.
"Oh, Howie, you have no idea how much you turn me
on." She moaned as his tongue and lips slid down to her shoulder. She dropped her eyeliner in the sink and
clutched the edge of it with both hands as he started to grind his naked penis
against her behind. She moaned again,
dropped her head and pushed herself back towards him.
"See what you do to me?" he asked huskily. She couldn't verbally reply as her breath
was taken away as his right hand slipped beneath the elastic of her
panties. His fingers slowly stroked
down towards her clit, rotating slowly over it, driving her crazy. He continued to suck and lick her neck and
shoulders as he teasingly moved himself up and down along her ass.
"God, Howie, you know what that does to me!" she
cried. He chuckled lightly as he used
his other hand to ease her panties down allowing him better access to both
sides of her. He quickened the pace of
his fingers and hips, causing her to cry out in ecstasy as she came.
"Ready?" he asked mischievously.
"YES!" she shouted while raising herself higher on
her toes. He slid smoothly into her
convulsing vagina and held firmly around her waist and chest.
"Oh God!" he moaned into her neck as he thrust
himself into her over and over and over, finally collapsing against her back as
he thrust one more time and came powerfully inside her.
They both breathed heavily for several moments before Howie
pulled out and she sunk back down onto her heels, her legs feeling
weakened. She turned around quickly
enough and wrapped her arms around his muscular chest, laying her head against
his throat.
"Oh, Howie, you are amazing!"
He lifted her face and brought his lips to hers, kissing her
sweetly. "I love you,
Beauty," he whispered feeling her heart beating quickly against his chest.
"I love you more, baby." She brought her lips back to
his and kissed him again.
"I've come to a conclusion," he said against her
lips.
"Really? And what would that be?" she asked moving
her lips towards his ear.
"I conclude," he said pushing her away just enough to
look at her face, "that I am not going on this tour unless you come with
me for the whole thing."
Michelle stared at him in amazement.
"Howie. . . "
Shaking his head and placing a finger against her lips, he
continued, "Hear me out. After
this past week, the hell we both went through, I'm not leaving you behind
again. You are my wife and I'm not
going off for several months without you."
Michelle's eyes watered slightly, "Oh, Howie, I'd give
anything to go with you. . ."
"Don't, just listen.
We hire a tutor for Kim. You can
still help me and John at the business, long distance. Hell, I'm almost never around for it anyway
and it still works out. You don't even
need to work anyway."
"Howie, I'm not going to live off you! Well. . . not totally."
"Beauty, let's not get into that again. I understand your need to contribute
financially, but you've already invested a large portion of Rob's life
insurance into the business, so it's partially yours anyway. Please, honey, we need to stay
together. I can't go without you, plain
and simple."
"I don't want you to go without me." She said
quietly, "Do you remember that Macy Gray song from last year? 'I try to say goodbye and I choke, I try to
walk away and I stumble, though I try to hide it, it's clear, my world crumbles
when you are not there'. That's what
I've felt with you for the last eight months.
I'd love to go."
His eyes shone as he gazed down upon her, "Then you are
coming! It's settled. We'll work out
the details over the next couple of months." He pulled her back against
his chest and hugged her tightly. She
hugged him back just as tightly.
"God, I'm so ridiculously happy right now." He said
laughing. They pulled apart and kissed
passionately.
"Ok, Happy Man, you better get in the shower. The kids, Nick and Kevin should be back
anytime now and I know Kimberly wants to show you off to her new
friends." She moved around him,
turned the shower on and adjusted the water temperature. When she turned back to him, he had the
biggest silly smile on his face.
"What?" she asked laughing at him.
"Happy man junior is happy too," he said looking downwards. Michelle's eyes followed in the direction of
his and she burst out laughing.
"Well, then," she said merrily while moving closer to him and
reaching for his erect penis, "let's just make him even all the more
happier, shall we?"
It was nearly a half hour later before both were finally
dressed and heading back downstairs. As
they walked through the house, hand in hand, they heard everyone out on the
patio, laughing and talking over each other.
"Howie!" yelled Kimberly as she jumped up off a bench
and ran towards him. She grabbed his
hand and dragged him towards her friends, "You have to meet Gracie and
Hope. They can't believe you're my
step-father!"
Howie went willingly, smiling broadly. Michelle smiled and shook her head over her
daughter's exuberance. She looked
around the patio and smiled at all the happy faces. She noticed Kevin leaning against the far railing chatting with
Lauren and Brian and made her way towards them.
"Well, how was the boating?" she asked him as he
watched her advance. She reached up and
kissed his cheek. His eyes shone
brightly and a happy smile covered his face.
"It was excellent! The kids were so much fun and we had a
blast." Michelle watched him as he
continued to enlighten her about his morning on the boat. <I>
Oh please, let him stay this happy. He
so deserves it.</I>
"Okay, now that we are all together, let's get down to
business." AJ said as he got up from his seat at the table. "We need to figure out the schedule for
the studio and decide when we're going to work and when we're going to
play."
"Ah, AJ! It's our first real day. Let's do this Monday," whined Nick.
"Nick, he's right, let's get the boring stuff out of the
way so we can enjoy the rest of the day," said Howie as he moved away from
the girls and took a seat next to him at the table.
"Well, in that case, we'll get out of your hair. Who wants to go the beach?" Michelle
asked as she looked over at the girls.
Patti and Lauren got up and echoed her.
Within moments, the three girls and Aaron took off running across the
grass towards the sand.
"Well, I guess there's your answer," said Brian as he
pulled Kevin towards the table.
"Have fun ladies." The
women grabbed a few beach towels and beach bags and headed off.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Patti and Lauren spread out a few of the beach towels, while
Michelle squirted out the sunscreen into the kid’s hands.
"Make sure you get your noses. Don't need any Rudolphs in this group."
The kids did as told, reluctantly, and then took off running
towards the water.
"This is heavenly," exclaimed Lauren as she made
herself comfortable on the towel and commenced dousing herself in sunscreen.
"That it is. What
room did you take, Lauren?" asked Michelle while settling next to her.
"The one next to yours, and, ah, by the way, try to keep
the noise level down," she said with a grin, drawing a laugh out of Patti.
Michelle looked at both of them and blushed, "What? You didn't hear. . ."
Lauren burst out laughing and shook her head, "No, I was
just kidding! But now we know what took
you so long getting ready this morning."
Michelle threw a beach ball at her, "Oh, you! Why didn't you take the one next to Patti
and AJ?"
Lauren laughed even harder at that, "Oh, Michelle, those
two? They could wake the whole island
with their moaning and groaning. . ."
"Hey!" cried Patti and swatting her on the leg,
"Well, I guess I can't help it." She said with a devilish grin,
"That man of mine is incredible."
"Yeah? Not as incredible as mine." Chimed in
Michelle.
"Yeah right!
Mine's the most incredible. He
does this very creative twisting thing with his hips." Lauren declared
while jumping up and trying to rotate her hips in imitation of Brian.
"Oh my god," gasped Michelle after they had all
collapsed from laughing, "Why does the conversation always lead to sex
with us?"
Patti sat back up and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye,
"Because we're a bunch of love sick women. Just wait until Telly finds out about missing your little
demonstration," she giggled looking at Lauren.
"Well, I'll just have to show her, too," she caught
her breath and settled back down on the towel, "When's she arriving?"
"Tomorrow," replied Michelle. <I>And
I hope Kevin is prepared for it. I hope
seeing her in a new environment will help him make up his mind.</I>
A few hours later, the guys arrived with a radio and a cooler
of cold drinks.
"Miss me?" asked Howie stretching out next to
Michelle and whispering in her ear. She
smiled lazily, opened her eyes and turned towards him.
"Nope."
"What?" he exclaimed with wide eyes. She laughed at his expression and brought
her hand up to his head. Stroking his
cheek softly, she replied, "How could I miss you when you were in my
thoughts the whole time? And, boy, were those some incredible thoughts,"
she winked at him and traced his lips lightly with her thumb.
"Ah, you had me going there for a second." He bent
down and kissed her lips, "For that, you are going in the ocean!" He
jumped up quickly bringing her with him.
"Oh, no, you don't!" she screamed trying to pull away
but was unsuccessful as he scooped her up into his arms and ran towards the
water. "Howie! Don't!" He ignored her and ran them both into the
freezing water, while everyone else egged him on.
"Oh my god! This
water is so cold," she sputtered after surfacing and grabbing onto
him. "You'll pay for that,
mister!" She slung her arms around his neck and dragged him back under
with her.
Within moments everyone was in the water, either having dived
in willingly, or being tossed in by someone else. The rest of the afternoon was spent on the beach with everyone
having a wonderful time.
"Okay, we better get back to the house. We've made dinner reservations in town and
knowing you ladies, it will take y'all forever to get ready." Brian said
as he pulled Lauren up from the sand.
"Really? All of us?" she asked while brushing the
sand from her legs.
"Well, all of us adults.
Gracie and Hope's father came by and hung out with us for a while. Cool guy.
And, he graciously agreed to keep Kim and Aaron entertained."
"Wow, we haven't all been out together in ages,"
exclaimed Michelle as she eagerly jumped up and pulled Howie up with her.
"Let's go then," he said as he wrapped his arms
around her and brushed the sand off her back and behind
"Keep doing that and we'll never make it," she said
softly into his ear while running her hands across his back.
"All right, you two, break it up," Nick pulled them
away from each other, "I, for one, am getting hungry!" Michelle and Howie blushed slightly and set
about helping the others gather their belongings.
Two hours later, the eight of them were finally settled around
a rectangular table in a darkly lit restaurant. They had all dressed up for the occasion and were in high
spirits. The restaurant was fairly
crowded and conversations flowed all around.
A six-piece band took up position on a small stage and commenced playing
soft romantic music. The three couples
got up and danced the first two songs.
When they returned to the table, Kevin and Nick were engrossed in a
conversation about boating.
"Enough of that boring stuff, you're dancing with
me." Michelle informed Kevin as she pulled on his hand. He broke off in mid-sentence and looked up
at her. He took in her sparkling eyes
and sweet smile. He wanted to dance
with her. He looked quickly towards
Howie and noticed the slight nod he was given.
"Okay, how can I resist?" he said softly and led her
to the dance floor. Patti pulled Nick
up as well and led him off. AJ looked
after them with a lost look and then grabbed Lauren's hand. "B-Rok, you don't mind?" Brian shook his head and shooed them off.
Howie quietly watched the couples on the dance floor. "Howie, you okay?" asked Brian
after noticing Howie's solemn expression.
Howie tore his eyes away from Michelle and Kevin and looked at
Brian, "Yeah."
"You don't look okay, D. What's
up?" Brian slid across the padded bench seat so that he was closer to
Howie.
"Nothing, Bri. It's nothing."
Howie took sip of his drink and smiled at Brian.
"Bullshit, D. I
know that look and something is definitely bothering you. You worried about Kevin?"
His question caused Howie to jump slightly and spill a little
of his drink on the table. As he
quickly wiped it up with his napkin, he asked, "What do mean?"
Brian sighed slowly, "Howie, I know what Kevin told
you. He told me earlier and he deeply
regrets it. He deeply regrets
everything."
Howie stared at him with an open mouth. Brian continued, "Howie, you don't have
to worry. God, Michelle is totally in
love with you, we can all see it."
Howie shook slightly and nodded, "I know that,
Brian," he said softly, "but, I'm afraid she'll wake up one day and
realize she loves him more."
Brian reached out a hand and placed it on Howie's arm. "D, that won't happen. Trust me."
The music ended and AJ, Nick and Kevin returned to the
table. Brian looked quickly at Howie,
and noticed he'd put a fake smile back on his face. "Where are the girls?"
"Ladies room," replied AJ rolling his eyes, "you
know, one has to go, they all have to go." The others laughed and agreed with him. A waiter came over with a fresh round of drinks and spoke quietly
to them.
"Excuse me, gentlemen, but aren't you the Backstreet
Boys?" he asked wistfully.
They nodded and Kevin extended his hand, "Yes, we
are. Nice to meet you." The waiter took his hand and shook it
nervously.
"Oh my god, I knew it.
My fellow employees were going crazy back in the kitchen saying it was
you. Listen, I may be out of line, but
at ten o'clock, we turn the tables and have open mike. Would you guys please do some songs for
us?"
Kevin looked at the rest of them and they all either shrugged
their shoulders or nodded. "We'd
love to. It's been a while since we
kicked back and played just for such a small place, but we'd be happy to."
"Excellent. Thank
you very much. I promise you'll have a
great time. We've got some wild and
crazy folks here and I'm sure you'll enjoy their acts as well." The waiter beamed at them all before
removing the empty glasses and hurrying off.
"Well, this should be fun." Nick said with a wide
grin. AJ and Brian agreed with him,
while Howie nodded quietly. He was lost
in thought.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
The girls returned to the table as the music changed to a slow
beautiful song.
"May I have this dance?" Michelle was at his side, offering her
hand.
Howie looked up in surprise and then smiled broadly at her
before standing. "I'd love
to," he said quietly.
She led Howie to the empty dance floor. "I requested this song for you."
Howie pulled her into his arms and looked at her questioningly.
<I>At Last
My love has come along</I>
He smiled at her
and pulled her close. They were the
only two on the dance floor and he looked around in amazement.
<I>My lonely
days are over
And my life is like a song</I>
He gathered his
arms around her tighter and felt his heart quicken.
<I>Oh yeah
yeah
At last
The skies above are blue
Well my heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you
I found a dream
That I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own</I>
His heart swelled
at the words she had chosen for him, to show her love for him, without
realizing that was exactly what he needed tonight.
<I>I found a
thrill to press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known
Oh yea yea
You smile</I>
He did smile, he
smiled against her hair and felt whole, felt loved, felt that his world was
complete, and most importantly, felt secure once again.
<I>You smile
Oh and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
For you are mine at
last</I>
The music ended and he heard her against his ear. "I love you so much, Howie. Thank you for being mine."
He felt the tears in his eyes ready to spill. He buried his head in her hair briefly
before moving his lips to hers and kissing her delicately, so sweetly. The feel of her lips on his entranced him,
causing him to shiver. He deepened the
kiss and crushed her against him. It
was only the loud cheering and applause surrounding them that pulled him back
to reality. He pulled away reluctantly
and looked deeply into her eyes.
"Honey, I love you.
That was so perfect, thank you."
They continued to gaze into each other's eyes before slowly moving off
the dance floor.
Brian watched them from his seat with a lighter heart and a
huge smile. <I> What did I tell you, Howie?</I>
He cast his glance towards Kevin and noticed the slight smile,
the kind of smile he'd seen so many times before - the one that was put there
just for show. He looked at Kevin's
eyes and there he found what he expected.
Glazed and sad.
Kevin excused himself quietly and headed towards the men's
room. Brian watched him for a moment,
cast one more look out onto the dance floor and then got up to follow him.
"Where you going, babe?" Lauren asked as Brian passed
behind her.
"I'll be right back," he said lightly, "duty
calls."
Kevin entered the men's room, grateful to find it empty. He leaned against the wall and closed his
eyes. <I>Be strong Kevin. She's not the
only woman in the world. I can move
past this. I can give someone else my
heart. Telly. Telly deserves my love.
God, I'm not in love with Telly.
I can't hurt her. There will be
someone else. Kimberly. I can't let my love for Michelle destroy my
relationship with her. Fuck! I can't destroy Howie. I won't destroy Howie. Michelle loves Howie, not me. I have to get over this. How do I get over this when I'm with her
every day? Damn! Okay, I can do
this. Michelle needs me. I need her.
She needs Howie. Just be her
friend. Get back in control,
Kevin. Don't let this get out of hand;
too many hearts are at stake.</i>
The bathroom door opened quietly and Brian slipped in. "Kevin?" He stood facing him and gently laid a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm okay, Brian.
That. . . out there, with Michelle, just proved to me that I'll never
have her." He spoke slowly opening his eyes and meeting Brian's. "It's okay though, as long as she's
still in my life and Kim too." He smiled slightly, suddenly feeling
determined. "I don't know why I suddenly fell in love with her, Brian, but
I won't let that wreck everything we have."
Brian stood speechless, wanting to believe that Kevin could do
it. "Kevin, I don't know why you
suddenly fell in love with her either.
Maybe you were a little all along.
But, are you sure you can handle this?
Seeing her everyday? Seeing her
with Howie?"
Kevin pushed himself away from the wall and walked over to the
sink. He turned the cold water on and ran his hands under it. "Yes, Brian. Yes, I will, damn it! I
have to remember what brought us together in the first place. She and I connected instantly. We've been there for each other all these
months. Christ, she pulled me back up
from my downward spiral last Christmas.
Remember? I almost lost it
again, and she's the one who pulled me back.
Only five weeks ago, I was there for her. We need each other. I
need her, Brian. I can't chance losing
everything. I can't lose Kimberly
either." He shut the water off and dried his hands before turning back to
Brian. "Brian, don't worry. I'm going to get past this come hell or high
water. I'm determined now!"
Brian nodded his head and watched Kevin's green eyes come back
to life. "Ok, Kev, but swear to
me, swear that you'll talk to me if. . ."
"No, ifs, Bri.
Trust me. I'll always love her,
you know that. I'll always be there for
her. I'll cry for her when she's sad,
I'll smile for her when she's happy.
She'll do the same for me. Now, let's go back out there and I'll start
right now being the friend to Michelle and Howie, that they deserve to
have."
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
The evening continued for the eight friends with hundreds of
laughs, sweet kisses shared between lovers, and the playful bantering among
brothers and sisters flying across the table.
Brian continued to keep an eye on Kevin and was relieved to see that he
had joined right in, laughed, conversed, and had his fair share of dances with
Michelle and the other women. Brian
watched Howie as well and noticed the lack of strained smiles or tense
shoulders, only pure happiness and love were evident. Michelle had gotten through to him without even knowing what
she'd done. Brian shook his head in
amazement and grasped Lauren's hand tighter, amazed at the power of love.
The drinks flowed freely, however, Kevin, Patti and Nick
remained sober. Patti since she was
pregnant, Kevin not wanting a repeat of his last drunken performance, and Nick,
well, Nick was sensible. He hated
getting drunk. The boys performed one
song after another, taking requests from the crowd, singing their hearts
out. Michelle, Lauren and Patti sat
back with their hearts full of pride, joy and love. To be able to share their lives with these incredible men was
overwhelming.
The next morning, Michelle awoke slowly, painfully. The bright sun casting through the open
windows caused her to groan, roll away and squeeze her eyes shut tighter. After fifteen minutes of trying to raise her
head off the pillow, she finally rolled off the bed and stood gingerly.
"Oh, god, what the hell did I drink last night?" she
mumbled to herself as she dragged her feet towards the bathroom. The long shower eased the nausea and
queasiness somewhat. Slowly she pulled
on shorts and a top. Deciding she
couldn't be bothered with shoes or drying her hair, she grabbed three Advil and
headed downstairs.
As she entered the kitchen, she narrowed her eyes from the
brightness once again.
"Good morning, sleepy head."
"Oooh, god, Kevin.
Don't yell!" she cried softly holding her head. He laughed heartily at her while he pulled
her into his embrace.
"Does someone have a hangover?" he asked with a
devilish grin on his face.
She looked up slightly and smiled slowly. "I haven't felt this shitty in
years." He led her over to the
table and eased her into a seat. She
sighed gratefully and popped the pills into her mouth before grabbing his water
glass and drinking from it thirstily.
He laughed again and got her another. "Why are you so
chipper?"
"Um, geez, maybe because I didn't drink myself
silly." He responded playfully.
She grinned back at him and finished off the second glass of
water. "Did I do anything
stupid?" she asked.
Deciding to tease her, he replied, "All depends on what
you consider stupid."
She slouched back in her seat and put her feet up on the chair
next to her. "Did I fast dance?" she asked giggling and then groaning
and holding her stomach.
"Oh, is that what you were doing out there?" He asked
shaking his head in wonder, "I wasn't sure."
She groaned again and letting her head fall against the back of
the chair, closed her eyes and smiled softly.
"You're such a bastard, Kevin."
"Ouch, you're a bitch."
"Prick."
"Cunt."
She pulled her head up and opened her eyes in amazement before
laughing. "I can't believe you
just said that!"
He closed the notebook he was writing in and shot her a sly
grin. "You know I didn't mean
it." He got up from the table and opened the refrigerator,
"Cranberry, orange or apple?"
"Orange and make it a double!"
"Make that two." Rasped AJ as he walked in, lighting
a cigarette.
"Give me one?" she asked smiling at him. He handed her his lit cigarette and then
pushed her legs off the chair.
"Hey! Brat."
"Snizzler. Why
don't you ever buy your own cigarettes?" He asked sitting down and
allowing her to put her feet back up on his lap.
"Cause if I buy them, I'll smoke 'em all." She drew
deeply and savored the feeling of the smoke filling her lungs. "Did I
smoke last night?"
Kevin nodded his head.
"Don't you remember anything, Michelle?" He asked, handing her
a tall glass of juice.
"Thank you, babe.
Um, I remember you guys singing.
You actually sounded pretty good or do you think that was just my
inebriated state imagining that?" she asked, biting her bottom lip to
prevent herself from laughing.
AJ choked on his cigarette smoke and slapped her thigh lightly.
"Ouch!"
"Ha, that's what you get for smoking those disgusting
things." Laughed Kevin as he slapped AJ on the back.
"At least we didn't make fools of ourselves trying to sing
Spice Girls’ songs." AJ laughed uproariously at Michelle.
She slammed her glass down on the table and stared at him in
fear. "Please tell me you're kidding!" She swung her eyes towards Kevin and blushed deeply at his nod.
"Oh god, how could you let me do that? Now, I'm really humiliated." She burst out laughing, "Who did it
with me?"
"Lauren and Brian." Kevin gasped as he doubled over
in laughter. All three couldn't stop
laughing for several long minutes.
"Oooh, I think I'm gonna be sick," she said getting
up from the table and holding her stomach.
"I need food!"
While she rummaged through the refrigerator, Kevin opened his
laptop and got online.
"Hey, Kev, find us some good fanfics to read." AJ
said as he joined Michelle in their search for food.
"Okay, let's see what our favorite authors have new."
Michelle pulled her head from the fridge and stared at him,
"You read fanfic? Oh, my
god!"
Kevin and AJ broke out laughing once again, "Well,
yeah. Our sex lives online are a lot
more creative and exciting."
She couldn't control herself and ran over behind Kevin,
"Let me see." She wrapped her arms around his neck and hung over him
as he entered a web site address.
"You even have the site's memorized?" She giggled into his ear.
He pushed her head away slightly and scrolled through the
site. "This is a good one."
He said allowing her to read over his shoulder.
After a couple of minutes, she exclaimed, "Oh my god, why
didn't you ever do that with me?" and burst out laughing.
Kevin reddened slightly and winked at her, "Well, if you
want. . . Come on, AJ. She's wants
group sex."
AJ ran over behind her and grabbed her around the waist while
simulating a humping motion.
"Ahhhhhh, I was just kidding!" she cried as she
pulled away from between them and fell on the floor laughing
uncontrollably. "Oh god, you two
are too much."
AJ bent over and helped her up. She caught him in a hug, "Is it no wonder you two are my
absolute best friends in the whole world? Oh, and Howie too." She winked
as he entered the room.
He stood looking at them with a huge smile. "I don't even want to know what you
three have been up to." Michelle pulled away from AJ and went around the
table to her husband.
"Howie?" she said happily, "did I embarrass you
last night, too?"
He gathered her in his arms and kissed the side of her head,
"Ah, well, only that Spice Girls thingy." This caused all four of them to collapse in laughter once again.
"Oh god, I'll never live this one down." She said as
she settled herself on his lap.
"That's okay. AJ's
strip tease at Brian's engagement party will always take the cake." Howie
tossed out, grinning at AJ.
"Damn! I forgot about that for a minute." AJ said
before sitting back down. "Where's
my woman?"
Kevin unwillingly pulled his eyes from the computer screen,
"She and Nick took Kim and Aaron to town.
Where you been, Howie?" he asked cautiously, not sure if he and
Howie were actually on speaking terms.
Howie pulled his lips away from the back of Michelle's neck and
met his eyes. "I went for a long
walk on the beach. Cleared my head, you
know?" he replied with hidden meaning.
Kevin nodded and closed the laptop. "Well, I'm going for a run."
"I'll join you." Howie's comment caused Kevin to
blink in surprise. Howie pushed
Michelle off him gently, "See you later, Beauty."
Kevin grabbed a couple of water bottles from the fridge and
followed Howie out the door.
"Well, I'm going to shower." AJ mumbled between bites of his banana
while getting up from his seat.
"Ok, sexy, see you later."
AJ stopped in mid stride and looked back at her, "It's
good to hear you call me that again."
She turned around towards him and smiled, "Yeah, it was
good to call you that again. It's okay
then?"
He walked back to her and pulled her up against him. "Yeah," he said into her hair as
he hugged her, "The past is behind us, right?"
She nodded against him and held him tightly,
"Absolutely. I love you,
honey"
"I love you too, babe." He kissed her cheek and released her,
"I'll be back."
She watched him leave, relieved that everything seemed to be
getting back to normal.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
The two men jogged side by side silently for almost two miles
before taking a break at a cluster of rocks lying along the shore. Howie took a long pull on his water before
turning to Kevin.
"Kev. We need to
talk," he said swiping the sweat off his forehead. He took a seat on a boulder next to Kevin.
Kevin pulled his own water bottle away from his mouth and
nodded, "I know, D. Listen, I. . .
"
"Let me, Kev.
Please." Howie interrupted gently.
"I don't know why love works the way it does or why it can both
hurt and heal at the same time," he shook his head slowly in thought. "Michelle and I tend to get insecure
about our love from each other. I mean,
I know I love her more than I can even say, but sometimes she still questions
it, inside, and I guess I do the same with her. Last night, I got my security back, Kevin. I know she truly loves me and I know how
that must hurt you." Kevin sat
with his shoulders hunched forward, elbows on knees and his gaze fixed on the
ocean. "I'm sorry, Kevin. I can only imagine the pain you are
feeling. I wish I could take it away
for you, but I can't." Howie stood
and moved in front of Kevin, "Kevin, I love you like a brother, you know
that. When you hurt, I hurt."
Kevin kept his eyes averted from Howie, not wanting him to see
the tears pooling within them. He
didn't trust his voice either, so he just nodded. Howie stepped closer still and laid his hand on Kevin's
shoulder. "Kev, I, better than
anyone else, can understand why you love her.
She's got all those qualities we're always looking for. She gives herself one hundred and ten
percent in everything she does, including loving us. You and Michelle are bound together for eternity and I know
that. I can live with that,
Kevin." His words flowed smoothly
and soothingly. "I told you both
last November that I won't come between you two and I'll always support your
relationship. As long as she loves me
still, I'll be happy, Kevin."
Kevin inhaled deeply before finally meeting Howie's eyes,
"D. I don't know what to say. How do you do it? You gain more strength when faced with adversity. I, on the other hand, wilt and just end up
hurting people," His quiet words struck a chord with Howie.
"No, Kevin," Howie interrupted him again,
"That's not true. Hasn't been true
in a real long time. You've definitely
pulled yourself back together in the last two years. Just stop and think about it.
You have been so strong for us as a group. You've led us to where we are today. You've been the best friend Michelle could ever have hoped
for. You've been a wonderful father
figure to Kimmie."
Kevin let out a slight sob in amazement at his friend's
generosity, support and understanding.
"Thanks, D," he said after a moment. "I vowed to myself last night that I
won't destroy any of our relationships because of my feelings. I only hope I can have your strength in
following through with that. I can't
risk losing you, Michelle or Kim."
He placed his own hand on Howie's shoulder and looked directly into his
eyes, "As long as I can remain a part of their lives, I'll be okay,
D."
Howie smiled kindly and responded, "Kevin, you'll
definitely always be a part of their lives. Hell, I know the bonds you share
with both of them can never be broken.
I know Kimberly is tighter with you than me, and that's okay. We've got a lifetime to build up to what you
and she have. Just promise me, Kevin,
that you won't change the way you are with Michelle because of me." He
paused and thought for a few seconds, "When I saw you, her and AJ in the
kitchen this morning, I was relieved.
All of you have faced and endured some incredibly hard times over the
last few years and you are good medicine for each other. Okay?"
Kevin stood up and held out his hand to Howie. Howie clasped it firmly and pulled them
together for a hug.
They pulled away simultaneously and picked up their water
bottles, "Let's go home, Kevin. We
can torture Michelle some more about last night. Teach her right to try upstaging us." They both grinned wickedly at the thought.
**************
After AJ left the room, Michelle made some toast and reopened
Kevin's laptop. Logging in under his
name, she clicked on the last web address they'd been to earlier and got
engrossed in the fanfics. After reading
a variety of them, she linked onto Backstreet.net and read the latest news and
gossip. As she scrolled through the
guest book, her eye caught on a particular entry, especially when she saw her
name. She read it through three times
before clicking on the blue hyperlink contained therein.
When the web site was fully loaded, she sat and stared at the
large heading and the picture of herself below it. Slowly and painfully, she looked at all the pictures and captions
and made her way through the majority of the links and pages crying out for her
attention. Taking a deep breath, she
clicked on the guest book and read those entries as well, with silent tears
running down her face.
She absentmindedly pulled a cigarette out of the pack that AJ
had left on the table earlier. While
she smoked two of the cigarettes in a row, she continued reading the hurtful
and scathing entries about herself, Patti, Lauren and even Telly. The only one they spared was Kimberly and
Michelle said a silent thank you for that.
AJ sauntered back into the kitchen feeling rejuvenated and
singing to himself. He headed straight
for the refrigerator and pulled out a beer.
"God, it feels good to feel good." Not getting any response from Michelle, he turned towards her
with a big grin and then froze.
"Babe? What's wrong?" He placed his bottle on the counter and rushed
over to her. She remained silent and
motionless with the tears still running down her face slowly. He knelt beside her and gently pulled the
dead cigarette butt from her fingers.
At the same time, Kevin and Howie entered through the back patio
engrossed in a conversation, which ceased when they saw AJ.
"Bone? What's going on?" Howie asked nervously as he
made his way towards them.
AJ shook his head and gently turned Michelle's face towards
him. "Michelle?"
Howie and Kevin both saw her damp cheeks at the same time. "Michelle?" Howie wrapped his arms around her shoulders
and drew her up against him. "What
is it, Beauty?" he asked tenderly.
"What the hell is that!" Kevin asked forcefully,
making his way around them. AJ and
Howie turned their attention to the table and gawked at the screen and swore.
"Shit!"
"Fuck!"
Kevin went to close the laptop but AJ stopped him and looked up
at him questionably. "We've got to
see what they said to upset her like this." He clicked on the Home button,
which brought them to a bright red screen with large black letters.
"BACKSTREET BITCHES"
Michelle remained against Howie's side, his arms wrapped protectively around
her. "Click on my name," she
said bitterly.
AJ did as she instructed and watched in horror as the first
picture and caption loaded. He clicked
on the next and then the next. Kevin
slammed his fist down on the table.
"What the fuck is their problem!
This is total shit, Michelle."
His vehemence caused them all to jump inadvertently. Howie held onto her tighter, his heart beating
wildly at the cruel words about his wife.
AJ scrolled a little further, before clicking on Patti's name.
"God damn it!"
Kevin took over the mouse and clicked on Telly's name, then
Lauren's name. He shook his head in
anger before slamming the laptop down.
CHAPTER TWENTY
The four of them stood in silence for several minutes before
Michelle spoke quietly. "I don't
want to care what they say about me, but why did they have to make our
relationship seem so dirty? Is this
what it looks like to the whole world?"
AJ and Kevin both looked over at her with pained
expressions. "They just don't
know, babe. They don't know anything
about us, or you." AJ replied softly.
"He's right, hon.
These are just pictures of you and us having a good time. Nothing here is dirty. They don't know how close we all are to
you." Kevin added.
Michelle looked at them, the hurt and anger blazing from her
eyes, evident to them all, "I'm known as the Backstreet Whore because some
over zealous fans got together and created a web page and found every picture
they could with me in each of your arms.
Didn't you read it? 'Howie gives
his gal to his pals', 'Kevin gets a piece of Howie's girlfriend', 'AJ bones
Howie's woman'. Those were the mild
ones! And the worst part is the
derogatory remarks they make about you guys and your own girlfriends. 'Telly
can't keep Kevin satisfied so he seeks comfort with the BSB Whore', 'AJ bumps and grinds sisters', 'Howie needs
band mates to keep his girlfriend happy'." She grew angrier as she went on
and pulled away from Howie. "And
the others? What did they ever do to
deserve what they said about them? They are decent loving women. How dare they judge them and spread such
horrible rumors!" She shook her head with her hands tightly fisted,
"I'm so disgusted."
"Beauty, please, you can't let it get to you. . ."
Howie searched frantically for words to calm her. "This kind of trash is all over the Internet, but trust me,
there are a thousand good things being said for every horrible thing." He
tried to pull her back into his embrace but she resisted gently.
"I know that, Howie," she said, pulling both of his
hands into hers, "It's just these are the first I'm seen of that
caliber. I'm going for a walk to cool
off." She kissed him quickly on
the lips and headed toward the back door.
"I'll go with you," he said quickly and caught up
with her, gently turning her back towards him. His soulful eyes bore into hers
as his fingers lightly traced away the drying tears.
"Please, babe.
Just give me a little time alone.
I want to scream and swear and get it out of my system and I don't want
you to see or hear it and be filled with anguish or pity for me." She wrapped her arms around his waist and
held him tightly. The beating of his
heart resounded against her ear bringing forth yet another gush of love for
him. "I love you." She said
softly and walked off the patio.
Howie leaned heavily against the doorframe and watched his wife
walk slowly across the lawn. His heart
aching for her for what she'd learned, the downside to being his wife, a
Backstreet Wife.
He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder and looked over to
find Kevin watching him. "Don't
worry, D, she'll get over it. She's
strong enough and smart enough not to let it eat away at her for too
long."
Howie nodded and turned back into the kitchen, "I don't
know about you guys, but this type of shit just makes me want to tell the world
all the more that she's my wife and that I love her. I'm sick of hiding it!"
He dropped into the chair Michelle had vacated and roughly pushed the
laptop away.
"D, I understand totally and agree with ya." AJ
grabbed his forgotten beer bottle off the counter and took a long swig, before
yanking out an adjoining chair and sitting down.
"Then let's do it our way from now on. Fuck management, fuck the fans that can't
handle it and fuck that!" Kevin said forcefully pointing at the laptop.
Howie and AJ both shot him a grin and nodded their heads. Brian and Lauren made their first appearance
of the day as Kevin was speaking.
"What's going on?" asked Brian, looking like death
warmed over.
AJ laughed at him and started singing, "If you wanna be my
lover. . . " Brian cuffed him off
the side of his head before pulling two water bottles from the fridge and a
bottle of aspirin off the counter.
"Get your boxing gloves back on, Brian. We're going into the ring yet again."
Michelle walked slowly to the water's edge, trying desperately
to control the anger and sadness that was overwhelming her. Her mind reeled from what she’d just read,
those hateful words. All the
photographs were innocent, brief seconds of time captured forever. There were a few photos from Key West. One in particular actually brought a brief
smile at it’s memory, the one of her and Howie lying on the grass laughing in
each other’s arms after the water balloon attack from Nick, Brian and Kim. That was the beginning, the first days of
her new life, her new love. Then there
were some of Michelle and Kevin coming out of his house during the few weeks
that she and Kim lived there. Another
was of her and Patti in AJ’s arms at a club last March. There were numerous pictures, all taken by
fans at the most innocent of moments.
All innocent. Even the one from
only a few days ago; her and Kevin walking in downtown Orlando. It was the captions and comments containing
the hateful, spiteful, jealous observations that made them take on a different
meaning.
She stared morosely
at the small waves crashing down upon the shore as her mind wandered back over
the last eight months. They had been
the happiest months of her life or so she had thought, but now she felt
compelled to pick apart every embrace, every kiss, every action. Goddamn, she’s loved these men from the
first day of meeting them and they’ve all shown the most incredible love and
support for her and Kimberly.
Although very few
people actually knew that she had been intimate with Howie, Kevin and AJ, she
felt the whole world now knew. With
half a sob and half a tortured scream, she dropped to her knees on the wet sand
and fought against the tears blurring her vision.
Those site owners
may not know the truth, the real truths, but they certainly exceeded in
bringing back all her guilt and self-loathing.
Damn it! It was only five weeks
ago that she had finally confronted her final demons and dealt with them. Funny how a few insensitive remarks, and
some hurtful and hateful observations could crush someone so quick, bring back
those feelings of self-hatred and disgust.
She allowed the tears
to finally fall. How could she stop
them anyway? The more she thought of
everything, the more she hated herself for creating gossip and filth for the
guys. She should have realized a week
ago when she lost the baby that no matter how often life teased her into
believing that she could be happy and free, that she’d only be slapped back
down to reality by something. Last week
losing a baby. Today losing her spirit.
She jumped up
quickly after a half hour of staring morosely out to sea and looked around
her. She was on a beautiful, serene
beach and living in a gorgeous house set back a few hundred yards. In that gorgeous house were the most
important people in her life. She
lovingly gazed at the house for several long moments. She’d do anything within her power to protect them all. How can she then stand here and allow their
reputations be marred because of her?
Because of her love for them? No
matter what anyone thought, she did love them, all of them, each holding a special
place in her heart.
As she continued
staring at the house, with a hundred thoughts scrambling around inside her
head, she could just barely make out the shadowy figures passing behind the
windows.
She saw Kimberly
and Aaron come running around the side of the house. She heard their laughter as Aaron tackled Kim to the ground and
grabbed something out of her hand.
She saw Kevin
emerge through the patio doors and smile at them before hopping over the low
railing and snatching the object from Aaron’s unsuspecting hands.
She saw both
children scramble to their feet and clamor around Kevin, trying to grasp
whatever it was he was holding out of their reach. She heard his deep laughter as he evaded them.
She saw Patti and
AJ come out from the living room sliding doors, his arms around her shoulders,
her arms around his waist, sharing a sweet brief kiss before turning their
attention to the others.
She heard the soft
strains of music steadily rise as Brian emerged with a boom box and she saw him
place it on the table before jumping the railing and joining the fracas on the
lawn with a wild whoop.
She saw Nick
bolting from the house moments later, laughing uncontrollably and then
screeching as his pursuer, Lauren, drenched him with a water gun.
Michelle watched
her family with longing, with love. Why
couldn’t she just let go and share their joy?
How can she be so happy one minute and then so conflicted the next? Why did her thoughts control her so
powerfully? Why did they take on such
extreme measures? Why was she so powerless
to stop the emotions from carrying her away?
She slowly searched
through the bodies once again. He
wasn’t there. . .
Was she dragging
him down with her? If she weren’t in
his life, he wouldn’t have had to deal with that horrible scene in May between
her and his best friend. He wouldn’t
have acted so unlike himself, so impulsively, as he did in marrying her. He wouldn’t have had to suffer the loss of a
child. . .
She drew her eyes
up to the second story towards their bedroom, sensing that he’d be there. What else has he had to endure since meeting
her? Surely, he must miss the
freedom. The freedom to let loose while
on tour. The freedom to accept one or
two of those numerous offers from very willing women. The freedom to come and go as he chose.
Her eyes met his
through the window. He was leaning with
his shoulder against the glass, arms crossed over his chest. His eyes had watched her every movement for
the last fifteen minutes.
He wanted to burst
through the glass and save her from her inner turmoil, for he knew she was
fighting with herself. He only held
back because he knew she needed to sort everything out in her own way before
knowing what to do with herself. She’d
told him before that there were times when she couldn’t determine right from
wrong, whether her decisions were for the best or not. Just like the time she slit her own
wrist.
His heart skipped a
beat at that painful thought. Don’t let
her ever go that far again, he prayed.
They continued to
stare at each other for several moments before Michelle smiled briefly at him
and walked off to her right. He eased
himself just a bit at her smile and then let his eyes follow her, taking in her
hesitant steps, her defeated physical movements, the way she hugged her arms to
her chest, the way her head hung slightly downward.
He’d decided that
he’d allowed her enough time alone and now was the time to go to her and take
her in his arms and assure her everything would be fine.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Michelle broke her
gaze from Howie when she could take it no more. There he was silently standing guard over her, being there for
her, loving her, while allowing her to have her own space. He was so special, so understanding, so
loving, and so damn good. He had been
there for her, always, quietly listening, absorbing, and never judging.
He was the one to
comfort her after her first night with Kevin.
He was the one that
had sent her to Kevin in his time of need, knowing what the results would
be.
He was the one that
welcomed them back afterwards and cried with them over their pain and guilt.
He was the one who
assured them that their being together was the right thing.
He was the one that
had whisked her away weeks later to Paris for Valentine’s Day, to shower her
with his undying love.
He was the one who
held onto her so strongly and kept his wits about him all those many times they
were caught in a maniacal crowd of fans, keeping her safe.
He was the one who
loved her enough to accept the differences in their beliefs, while his own were
so strong.
She quietly walked
and wondered again if she was holding him back, making him give up too much to
be with her, perhaps his dreams or beliefs.
With a strangled
cry and a fierce shaking of her head, she let out a loud groan, "Stop it,
you idiot. Stop this pathetic shit
right now!" She stood up
straighter and pushed her hair up and away from her face, "Everything I
love and hold dear is back at that house and I'm not gonna let some
insignificant crap from some insignificant assholes bring me down!" she
shouted to the sea.
"You feel
better, Beauty?" Howie silently advanced from behind her, startling her.
"Holy shit,
babe! You scared the hell out of me." She said with a short laugh as she
turned around. Her breath caught in her
throat at the beauty of love and concern and a hint of a smile written on his face.
"Say it
again." He said softly as he slid his arms around her waist.
"Say
what?" she asked grinning at him.
"The
insignificant crap and assholes bit," he replied breaking out into a
gorgeous smile. She eased one arm
around his back and laid the other against his chest and stared into his
sparkling eyes.
"Okay, I’m not
gonna let," she said very slowly while trailing a finger around his parted
lips, "some insignificant crap," she leaned forwards and brushed his
lips with her own, "from some," she kissed him again very lightly,
"insignificant assholes," she groaned slightly as his lips caught
hers this time, "mmm, bring me down." She lifted her arms around his neck and gazed at him lovingly,
"Howie, did I ever tell you how incredibly special you are to me?"
He playfully
shrugged his shoulders.
"Oh, I see,
you don't know? Well, I guess I'm going
to have to show you." She moved her hands to the back of his head and drew
him closer to her. He moaned lightly and
kissed the corner of her mouth. She
turned her head just barely and ran her tongue seductively over his full lips.
"Mmm, very tasty." She mumbled before he crushed her to him and
claimed her lips with his own.
"We better get
back before I throw you down on the sand and ravage your gorgeous body,"
she murmured after a very long kiss.
Howie groaned
reluctantly and stepped back from his embrace, "I think you should do that
to me tonight," he said with a wink.
"I think you
have great ideas." Michelle and Howie walked side by side, hand in hand,
back towards the house.
As they appeared
over the slight sand dune, Kevin jogged over to them and handed Michelle a slim
book before bending down and hugging her quickly.
"Everything
okay?" he asked.
She nodded and
squeezed Howie's hand, "Yeah, everything's okay, Kev. What's this?" she asked looking down at
the book.
"That is your
daughter's journal and apparently Aaron clipped it earlier and has been teasing
her with it." He turned back
towards the house and laughed at the wrestling still going on, only now AJ,
Nick and Lauren were in the midst of it.
"I think they've forgotten all about it now." They all laughed as Kimberly ran from the
side of the house with a bucket of water and dumped it over the pig pile of
bodies.
"Don't you
have to be at the airport, babe?" Michelle asked him as the three of them
edged around the fracas.
"I'm on my way
now, " he replied before sidestepping AJ and Nick, "and if I can get
out of here in one piece." He quickly grabbed her hand and pulled her
across the lawn. As Howie still had a
hold of her right hand, he pulled the journal from under her arm before being
pulled along with them.
"Oh, no you
don't!" shouted a wild voice behind them.
Just as they were about to make it to the patio, Brian came flying over
to them and tackled Howie to the ground.
Michelle was jerked backwards slightly, but released Howie's hand very
quickly and retrieved the fallen book from the grass.
"Good luck,
babe." She giggled as Howie turned the tables on Brian and gained the
upper hand in their wrestling. She ran
into the house and caught up with Kevin at the foot of the stairs.
"Aren't you
the least bit curious?" he asked indicating the journal with a grin before
pulling his damp shirt over his head.
She eyed him up and
down appreciatively as they climbed the stairs, "Nah, I don't think I want
to know what's in here. I accidentally
saw a page once and I don't particularly like knowing my eleven year old child
knows how to spell so many swear words." She laughed and slapped him
playfully on the arm with the book.
He grinned down at
her and threw an arm around her shoulders as they turned to the right at the
landing, "Were you checking me out?" he said slowly and coyly.
She burst out
laughing, "Guilty! How can I not
admire such fineness," she laughed for a moment more before quickly
stopping and placing a hand over her mouth and saying, "Christ, Kevin,
this is the type of behavior that's earned me my new nickname."
He frowned quickly
and took the diary from her hands, "Stay right here." He entered Kim's room and quickly placed the
diary on her nightstand before striding back to Michelle in the doorway. He closed Kim's door behind him, grabbed her
hand again and guided her down the ten additional feet to his room. "Sit." he instructed after they
entered and he closed the door. She did
so silently, watching him throw his dirty shirt in the hamper before coming
back and kneeling before her.
He caught her chin
gently in his hand and turned her face up towards his, "Now, listen to
me. You do not have a new
nickname. You do not have to stop and
analyze everything you say or do. You
do not have to explain to anybody, and I mean anybody, why you do anything the
way you do. Expressing your feelings
through hugs, kisses or words does not make you a whore. Understand?
That web site was total trash."
She reached for his
free hand and entwined her fingers with his, "Thank you, Kevin, for
knowing. It's exactly what I needed to
hear." Her eyes roamed his face as
she spoke and finally settled back on his eyes. "I can't help loving you.
I always will no matter what.
I'm sorry if I've added to the rumor mill, but I don't want to ever stop
hugging, kissing and telling you, and the others, that I love them, just
because someone with a camera may misinterpret my actions." She leaned in and brushed her lips against
his, as she's done hundreds of times before.
Kevin's heart raced
frantically as she withdrew her mouth from his and settled against his chest,
both their arms wrapping around each other automatically. He so wanted to pull her face back up to his
and kiss her more. He wanted to gather
her up in his arms and carry her over to his bed and make sweet passionate love
to her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Michelle sighed
gently against his chest, listening to his heart beating rapidly near her
ear. Closing her eyes, she gently ran
her hands across his bare back while inhaling his own incredible scent. She felt him tensing slightly and heard the
low sharp intake of his breath. She
couldn't help but love the feel of being in his arms, secure and loved
unconditionally. As images of their
last times together six months ago, flooded into her mind, she lightly pressed
her lips against his golden chest and savored the faint salty taste. Kevin groaned inwardly as her lips and then
her tongue sent sparks of desire shooting through his veins. He wrapped a hand through her blonde hair
and pulled her head away from his chest, just enough to capture her mouth with
his own. She gasped slightly but
quickly returned his kiss, just as feverishly as he was giving it to her. Her hands slid from his back to his ribs and
she slowly ran her fingers across his taut abdomen, as his own hands pulled her
body closer still to his. She slipped
off the edge of the sofa onto his bended legs and exulted in the power his
kisses were having over her body and mind.
His engorged member flamed all the more when the back of her thigh
pressed against it.
"Oh god, I
need you!"
"Oh fuck, I
want you!"
"I want you. .
." she cried softly.
"Have me,
baby!"
Their strangled
words were mixed with moans of desire and passion.
"NO!"
cried Michelle as she suddenly pulled her mouth away from his, her breathing
ragged. "Oh christ, Kevin. . ."
His breathing was
just as ragged as hers as he pulled her head back against his chest, "I'm
sorry, Michelle, I never intended. . "
"I know, baby,
I'm sorry, I didn't. . "
"We can't do
this, I promised Howie."
"I can't do
this to Howie."
She pulled her head
slowly off his chest and met his eyes, "It wouldn't be fair to him. I can't get lost in you anymore,
Kevin." The tears in her green
eyes spilled, "As much as I want you, the rules have changed."
Kevin wiped her
tears with his thumbs, while his own tears streaked down his face. She brushed
his away before kissing him gently one last time. "You have to go,” she said faintly.
He nodded and
pulled them both upwards. She closed
her eyes tightly and drew in a deep breath before walking towards his
door. "I'll always love you."
He whispered. She halted briefly and
turned back towards him and watched him walk into his bathroom with his head
and shoulders sagging. "I'll
always love you," she whispered back and ran from the room.
She flew into her
own room and slammed the door behind her before collapsing on the bed she
shared with Howie, her husband. She
cried openly and forcefully. When the
tears subsided, she eased off the bed and pulled her cell phone from side table
and dialed the all too familiar number.
"Jack? It's
Michelle. . . help me."
*********************
The rough housing
went on in the back yard for nearly an hour.
Patti sat back comfortably on the deck in a lounge chair and video taped
the whole riotous scene. When everyone
finally collapsed on the lawn from exhaustion, she stopped recording and
brought the video camera into the house.
She hummed softly to herself while she pulled the ingredients for a
salad from the refrigerator and set about chopping vegetables. When Michelle finally came back down, Patti
was singing softly to herself. "If
you want it to be good girl, get yourself a bad boy!" Michelle smiled as Patti danced in place,
ignorant of her audience.
"Bravo!"
Michelle clapped her hands playfully when Patti finished the song. She shot her head up and blushed slightly
before poking her tongue out at her.
"Where the
hell have you been? You missed a good
water fight."
Michelle joined her
at the counter and pulled a knife from the drawer before answering, "I was
just resting. What are we supposed to
be making here?" she asked eyeing all the ingredients.
"Well, duh,
it's a salad." Patti rolled her eyes and went back to slicing an onion.
"Patti, there
is enough salad ingredients here for a freaking army? Somebody's eyes bigger than her belly?" Michelle pulled the bag of carrots off the
counter and brought them over to the sink.
"Hey! I'm eating for two, don't forget!" They both chuckled and made small talk while
they worked.
Howie and Kim
entered the kitchen laughing, "We're starving out here!" cried Kim as
she stole a cucumber slice out of the bowl.
"You guys are
soaked! Have fun?" Michelle asked Kimberly while handing her a cherry
tomato.
"Oh yeah! We made teams. Me, Howie and AJ against Nick, Aaron, Brian and Lauren. We kicked their butts."
Howie laughed and
ruffled her damp hair, "You can say that again, kiddo!" He moved over behind Michelle and wrapped
his arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck.
"Where you
been?" he asked quietly before she popped a cherry tomato in his mouth.
"Upstairs,"
she said quietly. He sensed something
and turned her to face him.
"You
okay?"
Patti cast a quick
glance at them. "Come on, Kim,
help me carry the salad and plates outside." Michelle shot her a grateful look and watched them leave the
kitchen.
She turned back to
Howie and hugged him. "I called
Dr. Towers."
"You did? Good idea, babe."
She nodded,
"Howie, this has been such an emotional week. I'm so drained and drinking last night certainly didn't
help," she added with a soft chuckle.
Howie held her
tightly and kissed the side of her head, "I know it has, babe. It's been an incredibly long and emotional
week." He replied, thinking about the miscarriage and cancer scare, the
flight here and Kevin's confession, and this morning's discoveries; "At least, we've got several weeks to
just kick back and relax."
She nodded against
him and held him tightly, "Howie?"
"Yeah,
Beauty?"
"I do so love
you! I'm sorry about everything. I'm
sorry I'm just a wreck lately."
"Sssh, you
don't have to be sorry about anything. Was Jack a help?" He smoothed down
her hair as they drew apart.
She eyed him
briefly; deciding whether or not to tell him what Jack said about Kevin and
everything else, "Yeah, he was.
I'll tell you later okay? Let's
just go eat and have some fun."
He smiled his
acknowledgment and walked her out the back door with his arm around her
shoulder.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-THREE
Kevin pulled into
the small parking lot of the gray clapboard buildings that served as the
island's airport. With only a few
moments to spare, he climbed out of the rented Suburban and noticed the small
commuter plane taxi towards the buildings.
Taking a deep breath and pocketing his keys, he headed over to the gate
to await Telly's arrival.
As the plane rolled
slowly towards its final destination, Telly gripped her handbag closer to her
chest and turned to the elderly woman on her left.
"I can't thank
you enough, Mrs. Leduc, for listening to my pitiful ranting and your
advice."
Mrs. Leduc patted
her arm kindly, "Telly, my dear, you are a very bright, strong and
dedicated woman. Don't be afraid of
your feelings. Tell your young man
what's in your heart. It's the only
thing to do." Telly smiled
appreciatively and bent to kiss the older woman's cheek.
"I will, Mrs.
Leduc. Can I visit you while I'm
here?" The sweet gray-haired woman
nodded her head and withdrew a small pad of paper from her purse.
"You better,
Telly. And stop calling me Mrs.
Leduc! I told you my name is
Jennie. Now, here's my number and
address. I'll be here all summer and
you pop in whenever you have a chance."
Jennie passed the slip of paper to Telly before replacing her pen and
snapping her purse shut. "Now, get
out of here and go see your young man."
Telly smiled
broadly and blew her a kiss as she walked off the small plane. Her smiled decreased slightly as she found
Kevin standing at the gate waiting for her.
With a very nervous flutter in her stomach, she walked over to him. He held out his arms and embraced her
warmly.
"Hey, baby,
how are you?" he asked pulling back and placing a light kiss on her lips.
"Good, and how
are you?" she asked looking up into his eyes and noticing the tiredness
and sadness there. "You look
tired, Kevin."
Kevin gave her a
small smile and nodded, "Just a bit.
We stayed out pretty late last night and then I was up kind of
early. Let's get your bag, shall
we?"
They walked into
the small terminal and stood silently side-by-side as they waited for the
luggage to be led inside. Once they had
Telly's one bag, Kevin caught her hand and led her from the airport. Both seemed apprehensive and quiet.
"Kevin?"
Telly asked after they were buckled in and heading away from the airport,
"Is there somewhere we can stop and talk?" She fiddled with the straps of her handbag and kept her gaze on
the road before them.
Kevin cast her a
quick look and sucked in his breath, "Sure, Tel." He took the next right and drove for several
minutes before pulling alongside the road.
"This okay?" he asked turning towards her. She looked out her side window and
nodded.
"It's beautiful here, Kevin. Shall
we get out?" She unbuckled her
seat belt and opened her door before waiting for his answer. He quickly did the same and jogged over to
her side and closed her door once she was out.
She looked up shyly at him.
"Thanks." They walked through a small path of tall
grass and weeds and stood at a small private opening to the beach.
Telly drew in a
deep breath and then turned towards Kevin.
"Kev, I've done a lot of thinking lately and, ah, oh boy. Kevin, I don't know how to say this, so I'll
just say it. I'd like to cool things
down a bit. We've been together a
little over a year and the deeper we're getting into this relationship, the
more I realize that I'm not ready for it." She caught his noticeable look of relief. "Am I to take that as you sort of agree?"
Kevin caught both
of her hands in his and swallowed before answering, "Tel, you know I love
you. You are an incredible woman and I
have truly enjoyed the past year with you.
However, yeah, I'm feeling the same.
I'm sorry, Telly, but I didn't intend to mislead you at Howie's wedding
by suggesting the possibility of us getting married."
She nodded quickly,
"I know, babe. I didn't take it
totally seriously, but it has made me do a lot of thinking. And, then when we spent the whole week
together in Kentucky, I just, I don't know, sensed that it didn't feel
right." She reached up and kissed
his cheek. "Kevin, I don't want us
to stop seeing each other, I really enjoy your company and I just don't want us
both feeling guilty for not being "in love" as we both thought we
should be."
Kevin drew her into
his embrace, "Ah, Tel, you don't know just how easy you just made things
for me. I've been struggling with these
feelings lately, and, I just didn't know what to do."
She hugged him back
and smiled against his shoulder, "Can we just be really great friends who
have really great sex every now and then?" He chuckled against her ear and squeezed her tighter.
"Telly, you
are amazing. But, promise me, if you
find someone else, someone you really do fall in love with, just tell me. You deserve all the happiness in the world
and the last thing I want to do is stand in the way of that."
Telly nodded and
pulled away from him with a big smile, "Deal. However, you have to promise the same thing." Inwardly Kevin blanched, but hid it from
her.
"Deal."
He said quietly before capturing her lips in a sweet kiss. Within moments, the kiss had deepened and
they both were caught up in the heated moment.
"Let's take a walk." He said after they broke apart. She nodded and slid her arm around his waist
as his went around her shoulders.
They walked along
the beach together, both feeling freer than they had in weeks. The tension between them seemed to dissipate
the further they went. Telly asked all
kinds of questions about the group and the girls and then described her last
week in New York at a business owner's convention. Kevin filled her in on everything and realized how good it felt
to just talk with her again. He'd been
distant from their relationship for weeks now, however, he said as little about
Michelle as possible. Telly caught it
but assumed it was because he'd barely spent much time with her in the last
month as well.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
After a boisterous
lunch on the patio, AJ and Patti took the convertible for a ride around the
island. Brian and Lauren disappeared
into the house and Michelle walked across the lawn to a wicker lounge chair
with Kimberly. They cuddled together on
the padded cushion and talked quietly about all the activities Kimberly was
hoping to enjoy this summer. Sometime
later, Nick and Aaron ran over to them and pulled Kim up off the chair.
“Come on, Kim, we’re going surfing.” Aaron grinned excitedly while shifting a
small body board in his arms.
Michelle eyed Nick
with concern as Kim and Aaron took off running. “Nick, I can’t thank you enough for keeping such a great eye on
Kim for me. Without all of you, she’d
be so neglected!” Nick squatted down
next to her and smiled broadly.
“Shelly, you know I
love hanging with her and she’s really helping me keep Aaron entertained
too.” He had a mischievous twinkle in
his eye.
Before she could
question him about it, Howie was at her other side. “Scootch up.” he said and then settled himself behind her. She leaned back against his chest and
smiled.
“What have you got
planned, Nick?” she asked him laughing.
“Well, you see, I
sorta have a date tomorrow night, so I figure you guys can keep Aaron busy for
me.” He said, blushing slightly.
“A date? Really?
Geez, Nick, we’ve been here only two whole days and you’ve got a date?” Howie
asked while wrapping his arms around his wife’s ribs. She covered his arms with one of her own and laid her other hand
on his thigh.
Michelle and Nick
chuckled softly. “Yeah, well. . .”
“Well, who is she,
Nick?” Michelle begged.
With a lopsided
grin, he replied, “Her name’s AnaLee and she works down at that old fashioned
drug store in town. Kim and I went in
there this morning and AnaLee made us root beer floats.”
Michelle and Howie
were smiling openly at their young friend.
“Oh, Nick. That’s so great. So where are you going to take her?”
“Well, I just
figured dinner somewhere and then maybe a walk around the wharf and those
little shops.”
“That sounds very
romantic, Kaos. I see you’ve learned
well.” Howie teased.
“Yeah, well, so
tomorrow? You’ll keep Aaron?”
“Absolutely,
Nicky,” Michelle replied, “Anytime, you know that.” Nick nodded and stood up.
“Okay, I better go make sure Kim doesn’t try to drown Aaron for stealing her
diary earlier. I’ll see ya.”
“Bye, Nick,” they
both said with laughter in their voices.
“Mmm, this is so
relaxing,” Michelle said after a few minutes.
Howie placed a
light kiss on the side of her head and squeezed her a little tighter. “I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you,” she
whispered back, “sing to me?”
“Hmm, what do you
want?” he asked coyly.
“My favorite song, of course.” She said while slowly and gently running her
hand along his left leg. He shifted
slightly in the seat and made them both just a bit more comfortable and softly
started singing My Heart Stays With You to her. She smiled lazily as she closed her eyes and rested against him,
losing herself in his beautiful song.
A couple hours
later they both slowly awakened from their nap on the chair. “This is nice,” he said, quietly rubbing his
hands over her arms.
She turned her body
to the left and snuggled up closer to him.
“Very nice,” she murmured.
“Hey, you two! Get
up here and be sociable,” Brian yelled from the patio. Michelle and Howie both chuckled before
sharing a light kiss.
“Come on,
Beauty. We better do as he says before
he gets the hose back out.” He pushed
her away just enough to stand up and then pulled her up. She groaned and leaned against him.
“The last thing I want is to get caught in the middle of one of your water
fights. Oh look, Telly’s here.” They walked over to the patio and greeted
Telly warmly with hugs and kisses.
“How was your
convention, Tel?” Michelle asked her after they settled on a bench together.
“Boring, yet
resourceful. I’ve got lots of new
marketing ideas for the shop. But, I’ve
got to be back by Friday. My assistant
is getting overwhelmed with me being gone so much the last couple of
weeks.” Telly replied smiling.
“Ah, Tel, that’s
too bad. I wish you could’ve stayed
longer. We’ll just have to make the
most out of the time that you’re here, that’s all,” Michelle said.
Patti and Lauren
joined them and the four women got reacquainted while the guys decided to play
football on the lawn. “Who’s in the
mood for some virgin strawberry margaritas?”
“Virgin? What’s the matter, Shelly, can’t stand the
thought of alcohol today?” Lauren asked with a wicked grin on her face. She turned to Telly and expounded on their
drunken festivities of last night.
Michelle grimaced at her and then went inside to make the drinks. When she returned, she found the three women
leaning against the railing and whispering quietly. She placed the tray on the table and stood next to Patti.
“What are we
whispering about?” she asked looking at them and then following their
eyes. She drew in her breath sharply
and exclaimed, “Oh my!” The four women
giggled like schoolgirls.
“Hot damn, look at
AJ’s ass in those cut off shorts,” Telly licked her lips playfully.
“Christ, look at
Howie’s glistening chest. Damn,
Michelle, he is so fine,” sighed Lauren.
“What it must feel like to lick that.”
“Get a load of
Nick’s muscular thighs. Holy shit, if
he does that maneuver one more time, I guarantee his prized possession is gonna
slip right out of the leg of his shorts,” Patti panted.
“Holy shit, Lauren,
when did Brian get so buff? Wow, look
at his abs. No wonder you two are
always disappearing. He must be getting
plenty of exercise,” Michelle said in awe.
“Sure is, he’s been
exercising on me. Push ups, you know?” Lauren replied distractedly.
The four women
turned their gaze simultaneously towards Kevin.
“Fuck me!” cried
Patti. “He’s got the best bod, no doubt
about that.”
“Oh god, look at
him tackling Nick. Wish to hell he was
tackling me,” Lauren moaned.
“He tackled me
earlier, in the sand. God, I’m dripping
just thinking about it now.” Telly bit her lip wistfully, “I think I need
more.” The three women laughed at her yearning expression.
“Michelle, your
comment, please?” asked Patti.
Michelle looked
over at her and smiled. “What can I say
that you guys haven’t already said?”
Inside her head, she was sadly recalling their brush with desire
earlier.
“No way, you’ve got
to give us one,” Telly ordered, her eyes twinkling in amusement.
“Okay, okay. Give me a sec.” Michelle closed her eyes and
tried to clear her head. <I>Just go with the flow. No one knows. Act normal.</I>
She opened her eyes and drank in the sight of Kevin. His body naked, except for the small pair of
black shorts hugging his gorgeous hips.
She drew in a sharp breath and sighed heavily. “Fuck, he’s too godly for words.
I could cum just watching him.”
Lauren, Patti and
Telly burst out laughing causing Michelle to laugh too. Their laughter escalated uncontrollably and
within seconds they were all sitting on the deck laughing against each other
and reiterating their lusty comments.
“Oh shit, my side
hurts,” Michelle exclaimed after several minutes. She pulled herself up and
turned towards the table to get the drinks.
“Yikes.” She screamed and jumped backwards crashing into Lauren. “Oh god, what are you guys doing?” The other women froze and looked behind
Michelle.
“Uh oh.”
“Oh Shit!”
“Oops.”
The five guys were
standing there with smirks on their faces, arms either on their hips, or
crossed over their chests.
“Um, ah, you, ah,
need something?” Michelle croaked out not meeting any of the guys’ eyes, but
instead looking back at her friends.
Telly and Patti were covering their mouths to hold back their laughter,
while Lauren was dying laughing against Michelle’s back.
“What was that
about my abs and your tongue, Shelly?” Brian asked feigning ignorance. Michelle bit her top lip.
“Yeah, and, ah,
Telly? Did I hear something about my ‘prized possession’ and your tongue?” Nick
asked moving closer.
Telly stepped
backwards landing on Patti’s foot.
“Ouch!”
Michelle finally
met Howie’s sparkling eyes and burst out laughing. “Oh god, you guys were so not supposed to hear any of that!” She doubled over holding her stomach,
causing the gasping Lauren to collapse against her further. They held onto each other as they collapsed
back onto the floor. With tears running
down their faces, Patti and Telly laughed uncontrollably against each other as
well.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Within an hour, the girls had gone through two batches of
strawberry margaritas and the teasing from the guys made their cheeks virtually
the same bright pink as their drinks.
Nick and Brian really played it up by imitating some of the women's
earlier comments.
"Oh, Nicky, I just need to lick you all over," cried
Brian in a very high feminine voice.
Lauren lightly punched his arm.
"Oh, Brian, baby, lick me, lick me good," Nick
responded, winking at Telly. Telly
blushed furiously and turned her head into Kevin's shoulder with a groan.
"Jeez, Kev, sounds like one of the scenes out of that
fanfic we read the other day." AJ laughed as he reached for his cigarettes
and groaned at the empty pack.
Crumbling it up in his hand, he threw it at Michelle. "Snizzler!"
"Oops," she said sheepishly as she climbed off
Howie's lap and walked over to AJ. With
her palm extended, "Give me the keys." AJ laughed and handed her a set of keys from his back
pocket. "I'll be right back. Anyone else need anything at the
store?" She asked, rolling her
eyes at AJ's smug expression. She
walked back over to Howie and bent to kiss him. "I won't be long."
He kissed her back and nodded.
With much cajoling from Lauren and Patti, Kevin got up several
minutes later with the empty drink pitcher and went into the house to make them
another batch. While he was adding ice
to the blender, Kimberly ran into the kitchen and threw the freezer door open.
"Oh, fudge!"
Kevin cocked an eyebrow at her and smiled. "We're out of ice
cream." With a sigh she walked
over next to Kevin at the counter. "What are you making?"
He snapped the lid on the blender and pressed the button to
crush the ice. "Frozen
drinks."
"Booze in there?" she asked hesitantly. He looked down at her and saw her fearful
expression. Putting an arm around her
shoulders and drawing her close, he said, "No, Squirt. There's no booze in here. Don't worry, sweetie, no one's drinking
tonight."
She nodded her head while biting her lip, "Good."
"What's wrong, Kim?" he asked quietly.
She shrugged her shoulders, "I just overheard some
talk. Heard my mom got drunk last
night," she said quietly and pulled a fresh strawberry off the counter to
nibble on.
Kevin gave her a quick squeeze out of compassion, "Kim,
don't worry about your mom. You know
she almost never drinks and she just needed to let loose last night. Things have been kind of tough lately."
Kim looked up at him with wary eyes, "You know, Kevin, I
understand a lot more about things than people give me credit for. I'm not a baby anymore." The hurt in her eyes totally took him by
surprise. He shut the blender off and
turned her towards him.
"Sometimes we all just try to protect you a little too
much. None of us mean to treat you like
a baby, Kim." He handed her a wooden spoon. "Stir."
Kim stirred the mixture in the blender and carefully ran her
next words over in her head before responding.
"Kevin, I know you drank too much the other night too. I could smell it."
Kevin sighed audibly and felt horrible. "I'm sorry, Squirt. I did drink too much. There's no good excuse for it and I'm really
ashamed of doing it. I know how much
drinking bothers you." He ran his
hand through the back of her hair.
"I promise you I won't do it again and I know your mom has no plans
to drink again for a long time. I
promise that you won't have to deal with that stuff ever again, okay?" He slid his arm back around her shoulder and
stilled her shaking hand. "Please, don't dwell on it, honey. I swear I'll do everything in my power to
make sure you don't have to live through that hell again." She dropped the spoon into the blender and
buried her face into his stomach. He
held her tightly and kissed the top of her head gently. "I'm sorry." He held her for several moments until he
noticed her shaking had stopped.
"You okay?" he asked quietly.
She nodded against him and pulled away, wiping her eyes. "You want
ice cream?"
She nodded and gave a short laugh, "Well, I did. . .
"
"Ok, carry this outside for me and I'll go to the
store." He said with a smile while handing her the pitcher. She smiled back up at him gratefully and
took the pitcher from his hands.
"Thanks, Kevin."
Kevin watched her leave the room and then grabbed another set
of keys and headed out the front door.
Michelle bought three packs of cigarettes, two for AJ and one
for herself. As she walked out of the
small general store, she opened hers and lit one. She threw the keys and small brown bag onto the front seat of the
car and then settled herself on the hood and smoked slowly, deep in thought.
Although they had all been sitting around having a great time
for the last couple of hours, she had noticed that Kevin kept his gaze averted
from her, just as much as she kept hers from his. Fortunately no one else seemed to have noticed their lack of
communication or interaction. When she
did catch his eye once, they both quickly looked away, but not before seeing
the turmoil and conflict in the other's eyes.
She sighed heavily and brushed the loose strands of her hair away from
her face.
Jack had said she needed to discuss her thoughts and feelings
more with Howie. But how the hell do
you tell your husband that you wanted to be with one of his best friends
earlier in the day? The last time she
slept with Kevin had been around Christmas, long before she and Howie were
married, and although they were deeply in love at the time, Howie accepted that
Michelle and Kevin had been together, expected it to happen even and understood
it, or so he said. There was no way he
could expect, understand or accept after all this time. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair to him.
How could she be in love with one man, yet crave another? Howie more than satisfied her needs, in
every way, she thought, so why did she want to be with Kevin so bad
earlier?
Jack said it's not uncommon to love two people in the same
way. She flicked her cigarette butt
onto the ground and lit a fresh one.
Why did Jack say that? She was
in love with her husband, she knew it and sensed it with every fiber of her
being. She wasn't in love with Kevin;
she just loved him like no other. You
can't be in love with two people at the same time.
Jack said she needed to stop and analyze her feelings about
each man, figure out what she was missing from Howie that Kevin gave her and
why she chose Howie over Kevin in the first place. And what it was that attracted her to Kevin that she didn't get
from Howie?
She groaned deeply, recalling her conversation with Jack and
laid her head on her bent knees.
<I>Fuck Jack, he's a quack anyway. How many other shrinks out there smoke and swear with you,
instigate you into exploding with rage, fluster you by twisting your words.
</I>
Good god, just imagine what Jack knows about Kevin and his
feelings? He's been his shrink a lot
longer than he'd been hers. What does
Kevin talk about? Does Jack goad him
and make him think things differently than the way you want to think them? Does Kevin talk about her?
With her head down, she continued smoking her cigarette,
refusing to compare the two most important men in her life. Not now, she thought, I can't do that.
Kevin pulled the Suburban onto the crushed stone parking area
in front of the general store and immediately noticed Michelle off to his
left. He automatically shut off the
engine as he watched her sit there, head bent, barely moving. With foreboding quickly spreading throughout
his body, he quietly got out of the truck and walked towards her. He kept his eyes trained on her long blonde
hair cascading over her shoulders and arms, shimmering in the early evening's
fading sunlight.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
He gently placed his hand on her shoulder, "You okay,
hon?"
Michelle jumped and snapped her head up. "Kevin!" She looked around him nervously before meeting his eyes,
"What are you doing here?"
He removed his hand and slid it into his front pocket,
"Ice cream run. Why are you just
sitting here?"
She shrugged and concentrated on the crushed stone on the
ground, "Just collecting my thoughts," she replied quietly while
reaching for the cigarette pack lying next to her.
He quickly reached over and covered her hand with his own,
"Don't. You don't need it. You
only smoke when you're upset."
"Or drunk." She mumbled staring at his hand covering
hers and then slowly pulled hers from underneath his. "Don't touch me."
Kevin snatched his hand back and turned away from her with a
groan. He stood in silence for several
moments, running a hand through his dark hair.
Michelle stared at his back with regret. He was so stiff and quiet.
"I'm sorry, Kevin," she said softly, reaching out a
hand to lightly touch him. He turned
back towards her and caught her hand in his and stared at the top of her
head. "I'm just afraid if I touch
you anymore, I won't be able to stop."
"I wouldn't want you to stop," he said just as
softly. She drew her eyes up slowly and
met his. The desire in his eyes was
unmistakable; she felt her heart beat a little quicker.
"That can't happen, we both know that. We both agreed."
"I know, I promised Howie," he said without thinking.
She pulled her hand quickly away from his again. "What do you mean you promised Howie?
When did you talk about this?" Her voice rose steadily, in fear. "What did Howie say, Kevin?"
Kevin smacked himself in the forehead and groaned. "Christ, it was nothing, Michelle. I better go get Kim's ice cream." He turned away and took a couple of
steps. Michelle slid off the car and
quickly caught his arm, stopping him.
"Kevin! What the hell is going on? You and Howie had a conversation about me
and you promised not to fuck me?"
Kevin spun quickly back towards her and pushed her up against
the side of the car, "Can you please keep your voice down! For christ sake, we are in a public
place." He held both of her upper
arms in his hands and glared at her.
"Get your fucking hands off me, Kevin!" she said
quietly but sternly, struggling against him.
"Michelle, stop it, please!" he implored. "I don't want to fight with you. Fucking hell! How the hell did this get so
out of control?"
"Then you better start explaining to me what the fuck is
going on!" Rage and fear blazed from her eyes.
"I can't, Michelle," he said closing his eyes and
sighing, "I made a mistake, I said something to Howie and we had a
talk. That's it. Now just forget it and let's move
on!" He pushed himself away from
her and ran his hands over his face.
"Fuck!"
Michelle stared at him incredulously, reached over and grabbed
her cigarettes and lit one before tossing the pack in the open window of the
car. "Kevin," she said
calmly, not knowing what to say. From
past experience with him, she knew only just the right words would make him
talk about something he didn't want to.
"Please. Tell me what
happened, I have to know. When did this
talk take place? What did you say to
Howie?" She knew that wouldn't do
it. She frantically tried to recall any
differences in Howie in the last few days.
Aside from being his usual wonderful self, she recalled nothing out of
the ordinary.
Kevin removed his hands from his face and shook his head,
"I can't, hon. I can never tell
you. I promised." He watched her
eyes well up in resignation and cringed.
"I'm sorry."
She turned away from him and climbed into the car without
another word. She fumbled to get the
right key into the ignition and swore softly under her breath at her shaking
hands. Kevin took a step back and bit
his lower lip. "I'm sorry,
Michelle." He turned dejectedly
and walked towards the store entrance.
Michelle finally got the right key and started the car, quickly throwing
it into drive and peeled out of the parking lot. Kevin looked back over his shoulder at her and swore softly under
his breath.
When Michelle finally got back to the house, she just sat in
the car for several moments, trying to compose herself. Her mind was reeling, wondering what Kevin
had said to Howie about her and why Howie hadn't mentioned anything. She told herself to take a chill pill and
move on, just like Kevin said, but, if something was going on that included
her, then how can you just forget it?
She wondered if Howie sensed her earlier desires for Kevin. He hid his feelings so well sometimes. He wasn't a good actor for nothing, that's
for sure. Sometimes she was taken aback
at his calmness, his serenity. He
rarely blew up over anything. They've
never really argued, not a good argument anyways. A few differences of opinion now and then, but he was always able
to see her side of things and rationalize and smooth things over within
moments. She was so proud of him and
truthfully a bit envious that he was so in control of his emotions, unlike her.
Taking a deep breath to clear her mind, she got out of the car
and locked it up. She noticed Kevin
pull into the drive as she turned to walk into the front door. She looked at him briefly before hurrying
inside. What the hell is she supposed
to do? Kevin was her best friend; she
couldn't stand not having him to talk to, to be comfortable with. She wasn't comfortable with him right
now.
As she passed the door to the den, AJ yelled out to her. "There you are! What the hell took ya so long?" he
asked with a wide grin, walking over to her with pool stick in hand. He leaned against the doorframe and
immediately sensed her mood.
"What's wrong?" he asked quietly looking over his shoulder at
Howie who was lining up his next shot.
Michelle looked him in the eye and held out the bag to
him. "Nothing, sexy. I'm
fine. Here's your butts and I promise
not to smoke any of them." She
quickly reached up and kissed his cheek before going over to Howie. His eyes followed her, knowing something was
bothering her. He heard the front door
slam shut and turned his head back out to the hall. Kevin strode down it with his eyes cast downwards, two brown bags
in his hands, his mouth set in a straight line. Kevin walked right past him without a word or a glance. AJ stared after him with a confused
expression.
"Your up, Bone." Howie called. AJ turned back into the den and caught Howie
gathering Michelle into his arms and kissing her playfully on the neck, causing
her to giggle. AJ rolled his eyes,
sighed and lined up his next shot.
"Where's my baby?" Michelle asked grabbing the sides
of Howie's t-shirt as he nuzzled her neck.
"I'm right here, silly girl," he said licking her
ear. She squirmed in his arms and
giggled again.
"You are my big baby, where's my little girl baby?"
she asked again before running her tongue down the side of his neck.
"Hey! You two, we're supposed to be having a game
here!" AJ maneuvered his pool stick between them and waved it side to
side, causing them to pull apart.
Howie smacked it out of AJ's hands and laughed. "Just wait, Bone. Next time you try to snuggle up with Patti,
I'm gonna be in your face!"
Michelle smiled lovingly at him and then kissed his cheek.
"I'm going to find Kim.
Then I'm making an early night of it.
It's been a long day." She ran her finger along his jaw and mouthed
I love you at him. He playfully swatted
her bottom and winked before bending over and picking up AJ's pool stick and
tossing it to him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Kevin entered the kitchen with a grim expression on his face.
"Geez, another moody one, eh?" Patti said playfully
as she held out her hands for his bags.
Kevin looked down at her in surprise, "What's that suppose
to mean?" he asked gruffly.
Patti sighed and took the bags out of his hands, "Between
you, Kimberly and Michelle and all of your erratic moods today, I'd swear
someone put downers in the orange juice and uppers in the water. What's the matter, Kevin? You look so sad and. . ."
Kevin patted her arm and gave her a small smile, "I'm
sorry, Patti. I'm just tired I
guess. Out of all of us, you should be
the one with the mood swings, eh? You
feeling good?"
Patti nodded and smiled brightly, patting her flat tummy,
"Yup, but Alexander Junior here is craving mushrooms and ice
cream."
Kevin leaned against the counter and chuckled at her,
"Please don't tell me you've decided to name him after AJ. One AJ is more than anyone can
handle." Patti laughed as she
pulled a tray of stuffed mushrooms from the oven.
"Hmmm, want one?"
Kevin made a face and looked behind him into the living room,
"Where's Telly?"
Patti indicated to the far end of the kitchen with a toss of
her head, "Bathroom. Mmm, god,
these are so good," she mumbled around her bite of her craving. "Kim's upstairs with Brian and Lauren.
Nick and Aaron are playing Nintendo somewhere.
AJ and Howie are playing pool and my sister has done another
disappearing act. Have you talked to
her, Kevin? She's so, I don't know,
moody, happy one minute, quiet the next, and I'm worried." She rinsed her hands under the faucet and
looked over to Kevin. He had his head
down, his arms crossed and she caught his sigh. "What?"
Kevin looked back up to her and shrugged, "I don't know,
Patti. It's been one hell of a
week. She probably just needs to rest,
relax and not worry about anything for a while. I'm going outside. Let
Telly know when she comes out?"
Patti nodded and went about putting the appetizers on a platter.
Michelle hung out with Kim, Brian and Lauren for half an hour,
watching them play Monopoly, before she reached over and hugged her
daughter. "I'm beat, baby, I'm
going for a shower and then to bed."
Kim looked over her shoulder at her with a weird look,
"Mom, it's not even 8:30 and you're going to bed?" The thought of going to bed that early was
totally foreign to her.
Michelle laughed lightly and kissed her cheek, "Yeah, I
know, but I’m tired. Brian?" She caught his eye, "make sure she's
not the last one in bed?"
"Sure thing, Shelly. G'night." Brian rolled the dice and whooped for joy
when he landed on Park Place.
"It's mine, it's mine. I am
King of the World! Ladies, be prepared
to become poor and homeless!"
Michelle grinned at him, kissed Kim one more time and walked
out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her. She walked down the hall slowly, trailing her hand along the
railing as she went.
"Hey, babe." AJ bounded up the last two steps and
stopped in front of her. "You okay?
And don't tell me yeah, because I know you ain't."
She rolled her eyes and walked around him towards her room,
"I'm fine, Bone. Just tired."
He spun around and blocked her path.
"Bullshit.
Something's going on between you and Kevin. You want to tell me what it is?"
"Nope. Goodnight, AJ," she stepped to her right to
get around him. He stepped to his left
blocking her way once more. "AJ,
come on, huh? I'm not in the mood for
your games." She put her hand on
his arm and tried to push him aside.
"Michelle, I'm not playing around, I swear. I'm concerned. Please talk to me?" He cupped her chin and looked directly
into her eyes, "You know it always feels better sharing your secrets with
someone else." Her eyes welled up
and she tried to pull her head away from him.
"AJ, please, I don't want to talk about it." He moved his hand from her chin to her hand
and tugged her towards her bedroom.
"Come on." He
led her into her room and closed the door behind them. "I'm not leaving
until you spill it."
She ran her eyes over his face, almost frantically, trying to
decide whether or not to confide in him.
God knows, she needed to talk to someone, someone other than that quack
Jack. He sensed her apprehension and
led her over to the loveseat by the windows.
He sat her in one corner and then made himself comfortable in the other
facing her. "Talk."
She cast him one more glance before closing her eyes and taking
a deep breath. "I almost had sex
with Kevin earlier today and I don't know why I suddenly wanted him after all this
time. I'm so incredibly happy with
Howie and never ever want to do anything ever again to hurt him." The
tears slowly slid down her face. "I've felt so confused and guilty and
then Jack said that it's possible to love two people in the same way and I know
that's not true. I'm in love with Howie
and only Howie. He's everything I've
ever wanted in a man. He loves me for
who I am. I love every little thing
about him. I never want to live without
him." She angrily brushed the tears from her cheek. "I'm so sick and tired of crying
lately. It's all I've done this past
week." She stopped momentarily while she tried to control her tears. "And then there's Kevin. I do love him more than I've ever loved
another friend. I love being with him,
even when Howie's around. My life would
not be complete if Kevin weren't in it.
I couldn't go on if I didn't have Kevin to turn to. I love it when he's happy and smiles so
genuinely. My heart almost
explodes." She stopped again and
dropped her head into her hands.
"Oh fuck, AJ, I'm so fucked up."
AJ winced at her last words and quickly drew her into his arms,
her head falling gratefully against his chest.
He ran his left hand through her hair.
"Just let it all out, honey.
Get it all out of your system."
He rocked her gently as she cried against him. "It's okay, it's okay." He squeezed her tighter against himself and kissed the top of her
head. Michelle cried quietly for
several minutes before catching her breath and wiping her face again.
"I'm sorry, AJ. I didn't mean to just blurt it all
out. I thought by calling Jack earlier,
he'd make everything okay, but it just made everything worse. And then I ran into Kevin at the store and
he said he promised Howie that he wouldn't sleep with me again and now I'm
afraid of losing Howie because I wanted Kevin." She gasped for air as she tried to control her breathing. "Oh god, what am I going to do?"
AJ had no clue what to say. He was stunned. Of course he knew about Michelle and Kevin
last year. Hell, he'd punched Kevin
good when he had confessed the next morning.
They all knew now, well none of the girls, but damn it, he
understood. He felt for her, knew the
turmoil she was going through. He knew
only too well the bond Michelle and Kevin shared; he knew how much Michelle and
Howie were in love. They were almost
sickening at times. He could only hope
and pray that he and Patti would be that sickening to one of them some
day. He continued to cradle her in his
arms, rocking her gently, whispering soothing meaningless words to her.
When he realized that she had fallen asleep, he gently eased
her back against the loveseat and got up and pulled the covers of her bed
down. He went back over to her and
quietly removed her sandals before picking her up and placing her in the
bed. After covering her with the sheet,
he bent down and brushed the hair from her forehead and kissed her softly. "Good night, babe." He quietly walked out of the room and eased
the door closed.
As he turned to go down the stairs he noticed Kevin and Telly
walking arm and arm towards their room.
"Kevin!" he called quickly.
They turned around in surprise and broke apart. "I need to talk to you, now." His voice wasn't harsh, just
authoritative.
Kevin looked stunned and glanced down at Telly. She smiled sweetly and pushed him on,
"Go ahead. I'll just take a bath
while I wait for you."
Kevin kissed her lightly and then moved towards AJ. "What's up, Bone?" he asked with
some wariness.
AJ just shot him a quick look and trotted down the stairs. "Just follow me, will ya?" He looked back to make sure Kevin was
following. At the end of the stairs he
waited for Kevin to catch up. "I
don't know what the fuck is going on between you, Michelle and Howie, but I do
know it ends now. Come on." He tugged on Kevin's arm and pulled him
towards the den. Kevin was too stunned
to resist. AJ stopped at the doorway of
the den and called out to Howie, "D? Can we see you for a
minute?" Howie looked up from his
game of pool with Patti and shrugged his shoulders. He handed Patti his cue and walked towards AJ.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
"What's going on, AJ?" The look of determination and
frustration on AJ's face startled Howie.
"The three of us need to talk and I mean now!" He strode down the hall towards the back
patio and yanked the sliding glass door open before stepping outside. Howie and Kevin looked at each other and
Howie noticed the apprehension on Kevin's face.
"What's all this about, Kev?" Howie asked in
confusion. Kevin just shrugged his
shoulders and followed Howie down the hall.
AJ was pacing back and forth, dragging deeply on a
cigarette. When he noticed both men
were standing behind him, staring at him, he quickly walked over between them
and pulled the glass door closed.
"Ok, I don't know what the fuck you two are doing, but I can tell
you that Michelle is up there going through fucking hell. Now, who wants to enlighten me?" He turned
his dark eyes on Kevin and glared up at him.
Kevin blanched and looked quickly at Howie. "I swear D, I didn't tell her what I
told you." Howie folded his arms
across his chest and stared at AJ.
"What the fuck are you talking about, AJ? What do you mean Michelle is going through
hell. Yeah, she's been up and down all
day, but. . . what?" AJ sighed in
exasperation and turned to Howie.
"Howie, she's afraid of losing you because she almost had
sex with Kevin today."
Kevin sighed deeply and dropped into a deck chair. Howie spun around towards Kevin and advanced
upon him.
"You promised me, you motherfucker. What did you do to her?" His voice rose
with each word as he swung his fist at Kevin.
AJ acted quickly and pounced on Howie before his fist made contact.
"Jesus Christ, D, chill out!" AJ flicked his
cigarette onto the deck and pushed Howie back a few steps. "Fucking punching anyone isn't going to
settle anything."
Kevin collected himself quickly and got up. Taking a hesitant step, he met Howie's glare
and stopped. "I didn't tell her
anything, D. Earlier today, I was just
trying to comfort her over that web site shit.
I had no intentions on seducing her, believe me! I was there as her
friend, but it just happened, we just started kissing." Howie struggled against AJ's hold on him.
"Let me go, AJ!" he said with clenched teeth.
"No fucking way, man," AJ looked back at Kevin,
"Keep talking, Train, or I will let him go."
Kevin flinched and then straightened his shoulders. With his own anger rising, he stepped closer
to them. "You listen to me, Howie, I promised you I wouldn't tell her what
I told you and that I wouldn't take her from you. I won't! But that kiss
was mutual and the decision to stop was equally mutual. We both agreed almost instantly that there
was no going any further anymore, out of respect for you and your
feelings. Jesus, Howie, it was just a
mistake. Michelle doesn't love me, she
only wants to love you." By the
time he was finished, he had beads of sweat appearing on his forehead and a
look of anguish in his eyes.
AJ sighed deeply and quietly said, "That's where you’re
wrong, man. She doesn't want to feel
the way she does, but she wants you both.
She loves you both. She just
doesn't actually realize it. Fucking
Jack told her it's possible to love more than one person in the same way. While I admit he's helped me a lot lately,
he's just too unconventional at times."
He felt Howie slacken in his struggles and released him.
Howie sank down onto the bench behind him and cradled his head
in his hands. "Jesus," he
whispered.
"I'm sorry, D. But
you both can't let her torment herself over this. You know despite all the strength and happiness she's gained over
the last eight months, that she can easily slip backwards." AJ knelt next to Howie and placed a hand on
his knee, before turning to look up at Kevin.
"You of all people, Kevin, know how easy that can be." Kevin nodded slightly and stared off towards
the blackened sea. Howie shook
uncontrollably and sighed.
"This isn't fair," he said quietly. "I've only
just got started living my life with her.
I need more time, I want her forever."
Kevin felt his gut tighten and took a few faltering steps
towards the edge of the patio.
"I'll leave, D. I'll take
Telly and go back home," he said in a hoarse voice. "I'll stay away
from Michelle. She's yours and you
deserve her. You've been too generous
and understanding all this time. I can't
ask for more. I won’t ask for anymore,
I swear." He gripped the railing
tightly with his hands and choked back an urge to vomit.
AJ looked back and forth between the two men, his mind
reeling. "What did you tell Howie,
Kevin?"
Kevin remained silent as he gulped for fresh air.
"He told me he's in love with her," Howie said
quietly behind his hands. AJ flinched
and looked at his friend in compassion.
"D, I'm so sorry.
God damn, I didn't expect any of this," AJ said huskily. “I don’t know what to say. . .”
The three men remained silent, lost in their own thoughts for
several minutes. Kevin continued to
breathe deeply against the railing.
Howie stayed hunched over on the bench, head in hands, silent tears
slipping from his eyes. AJ got off his
knees and lit another cigarette and stood between his two friends, smoking
quietly, casting glances at each man every few seconds.
*************
Patti straightened up the den, collected the dirty dishes and
glasses and brought them into the kitchen.
As she stacked them in the dishwasher she happened to glance out the
window and saw Kevin leaning dejectedly against the railing, his back to
her. She saw AJ pacing back and forth
and the red embers from his cigarette glowing in the dark. She moved slightly to her right and saw
Howie sitting on the bench, legs stretched out, head leaning against the
railing and staring up at the stars.
She shivered at their solemn poses and slowly walked towards the
door.
“You guys okay?” she asked with trepidation, leaning on the
open door for support. All three jumped
and turned towards her.
“Ah, yeah, babe, just hashing out some stuff,” AJ stuttered and
moved over to her, “Why don’t you go up and, ah, draw us a nice bath and I’ll
join you in a few minutes?” He leaned
over and kissed her nose.
She smiled brightly, in anticipation, and nodded. “Sure, babe. You sure you guys are okay?
You all look a little lost.”
Howie stood up, ran his hands through his loose hair and echoed
AJ’s words, “Yeah, Patti, we’re okay, just dealing with some stuff. . . don’t
worry about us.” He turned and looked
over at Kevin, who had his hands shoved deep into his front pockets and his head
hanging down.
Patti nodded again and kissed AJ quickly on the lips before
heading back inside. AJ watched her
walk down the length of the hall and turn right at the staircase. Taking a deep breath, he turned back towards
Howie and Kevin, “So what are we going to do, guys?”
Howie tore his gaze away from Kevin and met AJ’s. “I don’t know, Bone. Thanks for your help though, thanks for
talking to her and letting me know.”
His voice was raspy.
AJ looked over at Kevin and walked towards him. “Train?” Kevin
lifted his head and met AJ’s eyes. AJ
hated the pain and sorrow Kevin’s eyes contained.
“I swear, Bone, I never wanted any of this to happen. I never expected to fall in love with
her. Brian thinks maybe I was a little
all along. . .”
“Brian knows about this too?” AJ asked incredulously.
Kevin nodded, “I told him the other day. I felt so horrible for the hell I caused
Howie.” He turned slightly towards Howie and caught him watching him. “I swear Howie, I meant it when I said I’m
sorry, I never ever wanted to hurt you.”
Howie swallowed several times and nodded. “I’m going to leave tomorrow, go back to Orlando for the rest of
the summer. The four of you can work
from here and. . . “
“No, Kevin,” Howie interrupted quietly. “Don’t make any plans yet, please. I’m going to talk to Michelle. I don’t want you to leave and I know she
wouldn’t want you to leave either.”
“None of us wants anyone to leave,” pointed out AJ, grateful
that at least Howie and Kevin were talking.
Kevin shook his head, “What good will it do, D? Just leave her alone about this. I’m sure
the last thing she wants to do is hurt you by telling you anything about
me. I think it’s best I just put some
distance between us. . . “
“Did putting distance between you and her all last month help
any, Kevin?” Howie asked quickly, knowing his answer.
Kevin blinked rapidly a few times, stumbling over his words,
“Well, ah, I don’t, ah. . . “
“That’s what I mean.
Just don’t do anything, Kevin, tonight or tomorrow, okay?” Howie walked closer to AJ and Kevin and
stood before them both, “I know how much I love her and I’m not going to let
her conscience come between us. I’ll
admit that I’m hurt that I’m not enough for her, that she still needs and wants
you Kevin, but I knew that in the beginning, didn’t I? And I know why she needs you. I told you both that. I just thought maybe someday that I’d get
her one hundred percent.” Tears slipped
from both his eyes and he turned away from them, self-consciously.
Kevin’s heart tightened at his friend’s suffering. “God D, I’m so sorry,” he said hoarsely,
clasping Howie’s shoulder and turning him back to face him. Both men moved towards the other
automatically and they embraced as two hurting friends do, giving each other
support and strength. AJ choked back
his own sob at the realization that Howie didn’t hate Kevin because his wife
loved him too and that Kevin didn’t hate Howie for having the woman he
wanted.
With a huge sigh, he stepped over to them and wrapped his arms
around both of them. “She’s gotta be
the luckiest woman in the world to have two men such as yourselves love her so
much,” he said quietly.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
After taking a long quiet walk on the beach, Howie entered his
darkened bedroom, casting a quick glance at his sleeping wife, before shutting
and locking the door behind him. He
walked slowly towards the bed, kicking off his loafers and pulling his shirt
over his head, letting it lie on the floor where it fell. He unzipped his shorts and let them fall to
the carpet, stepping out of them as he pulled the covers down on his side of
the bed. He crawled in as gently as he
could and laid on his left side, watching her shoulder rise and fall in her
sleep, before pulling her warm body close to his.
She sighed contentedly, snuggling her back closer to him when
he wrapped his right arm around her waist.
He noticed she still wore her clothing from earlier in the day and
thought of how tired and conflicted she must have been to fall asleep fully
dressed. He curved his body around hers
and inhaled the faint almond fragrance of shampoo still lingering in her
hair.
As he lay there, holding her, the words of
one of their earlier songs came to mind. “If I don’t have you, to hold on to, I
can’t go on, in this world alone . . . “ He let out a small groan and kissed
behind her ear while gently running his hand across her stomach.
She murmured in her sleep, “Don’t ever leave
me, Howie.”
Tears pooled in his eyes as he whispered, “Never Beauty, I’ll
never leave you.” She turned in her
sleep towards him and wrapped an arm around his waist, burrowing her head in
the crook of his neck. He slipped his
left arm under her and pulled her closer, kissing her forehead.
As Michelle became aware of him holding her, she clutched him
tighter. “Howie? I love you so much,” she said still not fully awake. Her lips met his throat and she lightly
kissed him while straightening out her body and pressing herself closer to
him. She moved her arm from around his
waist up into his hair and tilted her head to look up at him through her half
closed eyes. “I wish I could wake up
like this every time.” She smiled sleepily at him and kissed his chin before
opening her eyes fully and looking at him.
His eyes were watery, his brown irises almost covered by his enlarged
black pupils. “Babe, what’s the
matter?” she asked coming fully awake.
Howie brushed away the hair covering her cheek and leaned down
to capture her lips with his own. He
slowly moved across them, tasting them, savoring them. “You’ve still got your clothes on,” he
mumbled passing his hand across her shoulder and down her arm. “Let me take care of that for you,” he
whispered in her ear before sucking her earlobe gently between his lips.
She moaned at the sensations that his tongue and lips were
causing as he made his way down her neck.
She felt his hardening shaft pressing against her thigh. “Oh baby!” she moaned.
He pulled himself away from her and got to his knees beside
her, tugging the sheet away from her body.
He pushed her hip gently so that she lie on her back, before he slipped
his fingers over the cotton fabric of her shorts, stopping finally at the
waistband and gently tugged them down.
She raised her hips to assist him while she kept her eyes locked with
his. He pulled and then pushed the
shorts down past her knees and let her kick them off while he smoothed his
hands back up her thighs ever so slowly.
She bit her lip and let out the tiniest of moans as his palms passed
over her pelvis and his thumbs teasingly brushed her clitoris on their way back
up. He smiled sexily as his hands
continued traveling north, slipping easily under her white top, pushing the
soft fabric up with the back of his hands.
As his fingers met the undersides of her breasts, she groaned again and
arched her body towards him.
Slowly, tantalizingly, he moved his hands up and over her bare
breasts, pleased that she wasn’t wearing a bra. Her arms moved over her head as he continued to slowly push the
shirt up and then gently over her head and off her arms. She stretched her hand towards him and
caressed his smooth chest as he carelessly flung the clothing over his
shoulder.
He cupped the sides of her face before sliding his mouth
towards hers. “I want to make love to
you, all night long, like you’ve never been loved before. I want to taste every inch of you; I want to
fill you completely. I want to drive
you into oblivion with passion and desire.
Will you be mine, one hundred percent?”
She caught him around the waist and pulled him closer. “God, Howie, yes, yes. Anything you want, just love me, make love
to me, forever and ever.”
His tongue plunged into her mouth wildly and battled with
hers. She slid her hands down to his
hips and dug her fingers against his taut ass, pulling his crotch closer to
hers. She parted her legs and threw her
left leg over his thigh, allowing his throbbing cock to slide against her
panty-covered mound.
His hands kneaded and caressed her breasts as she pushed her
pelvis at him. With a loud groan, he
pulled away from her and quickly pushed her panties down and off her body. He cupped her mound and slid a finger in as
he crushed his lips back against hers once again.
She maneuvered her right hand from underneath him and
surrounded his hardness with her fingers, squeezing lightly, stroking slowly,
then faster.
Cries of desire escaped from both of them as he pulled her hips
towards him more and pulled her leg over his once again. “I wanted this slow, but I need to be inside
you now.”
“Yes! Please baby, love me, fuck me,” she cried passionately
and then moaned loudly as he pushed himself against her opening, teasing her
momentarily. She moved her hand back
down onto his ass and nudged him on.
With an urging plea, she thrust her pelvis towards him. He chuckled lowly against her mouth and
swiftly entered her, spanning his hand across her ass cheek and pulling her closer
to allow deeper entrance.
“Oh good god, Howie!” she cried as he ground his hips against
hers and kneaded her ass with his fingers.
He moved his mouth to her shoulder and nipped her softly while thrusting
into her several times.
Suddenly he stopped and pulled out, causing her to moan
petulantly.
“I want you to cum for me.” He moved his hand quickly back onto
her mound, dipping his finger into her moist slit and drawing it up and down
the length of her opening, while hungrily reaching for her nipples and sucking
one into his mouth.
He sucked and teased, driving her crazy, before sliding his
mouth down her body and running his tongue through her dark blonde hair before
sucking her swollen clit into his mouth.
She spasmed and jerked her hips upward as he rolled his tongue around
her and cupped her ass in both hands.
She rolled slightly to the right and nudged his leg up and over her
chest so that she could feast on his swollen cock. He groaned deeply when she flicked her tongue over the head and
encircled it with her lips.
His fingers busied themselves tormenting her while his lips and
tongue continued their magic on her bud.
She guided his cock in and out of her mouth with her left hand as she
teased and squeezed his ass with her right.
Both of them moaning and groaning constantly as they pleased each
other’s bodies.
Howie moved his hand downwards again and gently teased her back hole with his
wet finger, causing her to thrust her hips higher against his mouth. He licked lavishly at her clit, bringing her
to frenzy and then slid his finger into her, causing her to scream in ecstasy
and arch higher. He sucked and licked
her faster as his finger pumped in and out of her ass at a tortuously slow
speed.
She licked and nibbled on his cock, squeezed his ass and teased
his own puckered hole, all while raising and lowering her pelvis as waves of
desire and heat overcame her body. He
slid a second finger into her virgin ass, causing her to scream lustily as her
vagina tightened and convulsed against him.
He dipped his thumb into her pussy and pressed against her swollen walls
as she came quickly from his skillful ministrations. As she moaned and twisted her body, his cock clasped tightly in
her hand, Howie continued to plunge his fingers in and out of her.
“God, Howie, fuck me, fuck now, please!” she cried. He swung his body around and covered hers completely, cupping her
face, plunging his tongue into her mouth as he plunged his aching cock deep
into her pussy. She moaned against him,
sucking on his tongue hungrily, while wrapping her legs up and around his
hips. “Oh god, oh god, Howie, harder,
fuck me harder,” she cried.
He moved his hands down beside her hips, raised his chest off
her body and slammed into her numerous times before crying out and thrusting
into her one last time. As he came, her
hands flew across his chest, stomach, and hips in loving, wanting
caresses. With a final groan, he
collapsed on top of her.
She wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, keeping her
feet locked around his ass, and kissed the top of his head over and over.
“God, Howie, you are too amazing,” she said softly against his
ear.
“I’m not finished yet,” he replied with a soft laugh as he ran
his hand languidly along her thigh.
CHAPTER THIRTY
In the next room, Lauren and Brian sat side by side on the
floor at the end of the bed, tears streaming down their faces, abdomens aching
from the convulsive laughter they were trying to bring under control.
"Oh, god Bri, we really should go downstairs or
something. It's just not right sitting
here and listening to them," Lauren said as she struggled to stand
up.
Brian clung to her arm to prevent himself from falling over in
another fit of giggles. "Oh, man,
you're right of course, but, damn, I've never heard Howie and Michelle going at
it before and that was just way too wild."
Lauren dropped down onto his lap and ran her fingers through
his messy light brown hair, "Brian, you are just way too immature
sometimes. Geez, you'd think listening
to all that moaning and groaning, it would’ve given you some lusty ideas of
your own, but no, you just sit here and make crazy faces and roll around on the
floor laughing your ass off."
Brian feigned a somber expression and brought his hands up onto
her shoulders and looked seriously into her blue eyes. After several seconds of staring pensively
at her, he suddenly grinned like a Cheshire cat and twisted their bodies so
that she slid off his lap onto the floor, his hands pushing her down onto her
back.
"Brian!"
"What's wrong with rolling on the floor, eh?" he
asked covering her body with his and rolling them both so that he was underneath. "You want lusty ideas, woman, I've got
lusty ideas."
She grinned broadly at him, licked her lips and replied,
"Well, what are you waiting for, do tell!"
************
In the next room, Nick was stretched out on his bed, arms
crossed comfortably behind his head, legs crossed casually at the ankles. He stared up at the smooth white ceiling and
thought about his date with AnaLee the next evening.
<I>’ello AnaLee, you
look beautiful, I'm really looking forward to spending the evening with
you.' Nah, too serious, be fun loving
Nick. Ok, 'Hey babe, what's
shakin.’ No, you sound like a
gigolo. Mmmm, ok, how about, 'Hi
AnaLee, you look really pretty tonight.
I need you tonight.' No, no,
dumbass, you can't tell her that right away, give it a couple hours. Be smooth, be cool, dude. Yeah, I'll be cool and. . .</I>
With a growl he rolled off the bed and flung open his double
closet doors.
<I>Oh man! What the hell am I gonna wear?</I>
He rifled through the hordes of clothing hung haphazardly on the
racks, not satisfied with anything he saw or touched.
<I> Damn! I better have
AJ go shopping with me tomorrow. Wait,
not AJ, he'll make me look too funky.
D! I'll have D go with me. Nah, Howie is too meticulous. Hhmmm, me-tic-ul-ous, I like that word. Nah, D will have me in the same damn store
all damn day. Frick? Kev?
Patti! Yeah! Patti will go and pick out just the right
thing. That girlie's got excellent
taste! </I>
With a sigh of relief, Nick plopped back down onto his bed.
<I> Now, what should I
order? Steak? Chicken? Lobster?
</I>
***********
In the next room, a sweet young boy sat on the closed toilet
seat behind the closed bathroom door, sneakily reading from a slim journal.
"Ah ha!" he cried out suddenly and then quickly
covered his mouth with a guilty conscience, "I knew it!" he whispered
to himself, "I knew she liked me!
Yeah! Mrs. Kimberly
Carter!"
He sighed dreamily and thought about the tall slender beauty
with the sparkling blue mischievous eyes that he'd spent the last few days
with. Inspiration hit him and he jumped
off the toilet, yanked open the closed door, flew across his room, skidded to a
stop, dropped to his knees and rifled through his duffel bag. "Yeah!
I'll write her a song. . ."
He pensively chewed on the end of a pen as he stretched out on
the floor on his tummy and opened his notebook to a fresh sheet of paper. "Hmm, now what do I want to say?"
He concentrated and then concentrated some more. "I’ve got it!" he cried out, this time not concerning himself
with his outburst or guilty conscience, and started writing furiously.
***********
In the next room, which was actually directly across the
landing, Telly lounged comfortably against the half dozen pillows propped up
along the headboard of Kevin's king size bed.
"Oh Jennie, you were so right," she cooed into the slim white phone,
"How can I ever thank you. . . I know, honesty was the best policy. . .
yes and he took it so well. . . well, turns out he was feeling the same
pressures as me. . . oh yeah, the tension has definitely lifted and. . . I'll
tell you, I haven't had so much fun with him in so long as I did today. .
. well, that is until about two and a
half hours ago. . . no, nothing like that, he just had to go off with his band
mates and discuss business and he's still not come back yet.. . . What? No not
really, well, maybe, I'm worried just a little, but you know guys, Jennie. Once they get going they loose all track of
time. . . Ah, Jennie, you are a dear. .
. I'd love to have lunch with you tomorrow. . . no, Kevin won't be able to make
it. He and the guys have rented a small
studio in Madaket and they're going over there tomorrow to start working. I guess it can't be all fun and games. . .
Great, Jennie, I'll see you tomorrow about eleven. Good night and bless you!"
Telly hung up the phone with a happy smile and drew the stack
of magazines that littered the bed closer towards her. As she leafed through them, she cast a quick
glance at the bedside clock, 10:45 p.m..
"Where is he? How long does
it take to talk to AJ?" An article
in the Boston Journal caught her eye and she snuggled down into her pillows and
commenced reading.
***********
In the next room, the glow of a small shell shaped night light
reflected off the full length mirror attached to the back of the bathroom
door. If you were to look into that
mirror, you'd see the dark blonde tresses of the sleeping child hanging off the
end of the bed directly in front of it.
Kimberly rarely bothered pulling her covers down and sleeping
in a bed in the conventional way, opting instead to pull a pillow or two down
to the end and falling asleep wherever she may lie, listening to her favorite
music station on the radio.
At home, Howie or Michelle usually ended up placing a light
quilt over her every night to keep her warm and comfortable. While in Nantucket, Kevin had taken it upon
himself to check her every night and place a light quilt over her to keep her
warm and comfortable. Kimberly shivered
slightly and drew her knees up tight against her body. There was no quilt keeping her warm tonight.
************
In the next room, which was available for any potential
visitors, if you crossed the room and pressed your ear against the far left
wall, you'd hear the splashing and giggling coming from the next room.
************
In that next room, AJ turned off the hot water tap and crawled
back over to the sleek, wet body of the mother of his son, who was expected to
make his grand entrance into Backstreet World right around Christmas.
With a lusty grin on his face, AJ snaked his lean wet body
through the water over Patti's and stopped to nibble on a pink nipple poking
out of the quickly dissolving white bubbles.
"Oh, AJ, you do the most sinful things with that mouth of
yours!" she moaned in desire as she leaned her head back against the edge
of the large square tub, drowning in the waves of heat and passion that coursed
through her body.
"Tell me you'll do it or I'll stop now," he teased in
between lavish licks and nips of her breast.
Patti moaned hoarsely, "AJ. . . I can't."
"Yes you can," he replied softly moving his hand
between her parted thighs and teasing her bud with his index finger.
"Oh god, AJ, don't stop!" she cried.
He slowly grazed his tongue and fingers over her, "Say yes
then!" He slid a finger into her warm slit and pressed his thumb against
her clit.
"YES! YES! Whatever you want, just fuck me, baby!"
She squirmed her hips and tried drawing him closer by hooking her legs over his
butt.
In one swift motion, he slid higher up her body and entered her
with his hard wet cock, burying himself to the hilt. "Oh god," he moaned against her mouth, "this will
be the best Johnny video I've ever done, with you seductively dancing around me
in a smoky dark bar." He thrust
himself into her harder and harder as she begged for more and he pictured her
in a slinky dress while he sang in a raspy husky voice to her.
At the short meeting the guys had yesterday, they'd talked AJ
into doing "Try a Little Tenderness" on his own, as originally
planned. Brian and Nick were writing a
new song they thought would be perfect to shoot a video to on the beach with
all their women.
************
In the next room, which was directly across the landing, Howie
and Michelle collapsed against each other one more time.
"Holy shit, D!
Where are you getting all this energy?" Michelle asked breathlessly
as she laid her head against his glossy chest.
He chuckled deeply and wrapped his arms around her naked body lying on
top of his naked body.
"Just trying to prove that you don't need no other
man." The second the words were out of his mouth he regretted them.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Kevin stood stiffly, hands tucked in the front pockets of his
jeans, close to the edge of the bluff, not noticing the light rain falling upon
him; just staring down at the angry black sea and foamy white caps as it
slammed against the cluster of boulders huddled together below him.
He contemplated taking a few extra steps forward and just
letting himself fall - fall down onto the boulders that would surely crush his
body.
He pictured himself lying face down, body twisted and broken,
cold salty water spitting at him, hitting him, covering him, calling him
coward.
He pictured hordes of people, all donned in severe black,
surrounding his coffin. Through their
tears they’d be saying such things as: What a shame, he was so young, or What a
waste, he had so much to live for, or even perhaps, Serves him right, he was
nothing but a coward.
He pictured Kimberly, standing so tall and brave, desperately
trying to hide the emotions engulfing her as she so often did; reaching out a
hand and tentatively touching his cold stiff one, pleading with him to come
back for her. How many times had he
promised her that he’d be there for her, save her from suffering a life of
misery again?
He pictured Howie cradling Michelle in his arms, trying to
console her over the loss of her soul mate, her best friend. Hadn't they always promised to be there for
each other as well? Weren't they each
other’s lifeline to staying sane, in control, happy? Without each other to grab a hand and pull the other from the
depths of depression that swirled and tantalized around them, neither could
surely go on. If he left her now, what
would she do? Would Howie be able to
take his place in that respect?
He pictured her cradled in Howie’s arms, sobbing uncontrollably
over his lifeless form, a small shiny razor blade gripped tightly between her
fingers.
With a strangled cry, he backed away from the edge of the bluff
and looked around himself, wondering where he was. He peered through the light rain towards the beckoning glow of a
porch light. The Summer House Inn
standing majestically behind him and then he remembered.
Running his hands up and down his cold wet arms, he turned and
jogged back up the path towards the car, sinking into it, grateful for it’s
warmth and dryness. As he let the
engine idle he leaned his head back against the headrest and thought once again
of Howie’s last words to him.
**************
Michelle slowly drew her head off Howie’s chest and pushed the
damp hair from her cheeks before meeting his eyes. They silently stared at one another, searching for the right
words.
“Howie, I. . . “
Howie turned them to the right so that she slid off his body
onto the soft mattress beside him. He
placed his fingers against her lips, as he struggled to untangle the twisted
sheets from his legs. She raised
herself up as well, drawing the rumpled sheet up to her chest and turning
towards him with pleading eyes, “Please, let me explain.”
He grasped her hand and pulled it towards his chest, his heart
pounding fiercely. “I shouldn’t have
said that, Beauty. I didn’t mean to, it
just slipped out.” His dark eyes roamed
her face as if trying to memorize once again every fine detail. “I just. . . “ He tore his eyes away and trained them on the wall behind her and
sighed desolately.
Michelle got up on her knees before him and pulled him tight
against her. “Oh Howie, I’m so
sorry. You are all I need in a
man. I love you totally, one hundred
percent. I can’t bear to see you so
sad. I’m so sorry about Kevin, I don’t
know why I almost. . . “
Howie pulled out of her embrace and kissed her quickly. “You
don’t have to explain. I understand. .
. I understand totally. You love Kevin
too and you need him in certain ways that I can’t be there for you.“
With a fierce shake of her head, “No, Howie, I only love you,
please believe me.” She choked out her
words, desperate to pull him back into her arms, desperate to believe what she
just said. He held her off by gently
grabbing her wrists and bringing her hands up to his lips.
“Beauty, please understand, I’m not mad at you. I love you immensely. I was so fearful of losing you when he first
told me, but, I know, I feel, I see how much you love me, too.”
“When he first told you?
Told you what, Howie? I don’t
understand. Why would you even think of
losing me? I have never loved someone
as much as I love you. I’m the one
afraid of losing you because of my feelings for Kevin.” The words just poured from her mouth as the
tears pooled in her eyes.
“Kevin loves you.”
“I know that, Baby. I
love him too, of course. . .”
“No, Kevin is in love with you, he told me so.”
Michelle eyes opened wide in disbelief, “No, Howie, that can’t
be, you must have misunderstood him.”
“No,” he said shaking his head slowly, “it’s true. That’s the real reason he’s been so distant
lately. Telly was only a part of
it. He’s in love with you and it pains
him deeply. He promised not to take you
away from me.” His last few words were
said barely above a whisper.
Michelle let out a heart-wrenching sob and pulled her hands
free from his to cover her eyes, “No, No, it’s not possible.”
“Yes, and you are in love with him too. I think Jack and AJ are both right. You love us both,” Howie gently took hold of
her hands once again and pulled her against his chest. “I don’t know how to
deal with this exactly, that’s why I tried proving myself as more of a man to
you earlier, but I’ve realized that’s not what draws you to Kevin. You need each other spiritually, soulfully,
and your sexual attraction to each another is a natural extension of that. I understand it now. You need both of us.” He gently kissed the top of her head.
"No." she whispered, "no. Just you, Howie. I. . . "
"What would you do if he was gone, never to be part of
your life again?" he asked softly.
She pulled back quickly and the look of shock and fear filling her eyes
answered his question, as he knew it would be answered. "I can't take that away from you."
She closed her eyes, bent her head so that her hair covered her
face and cried, "Oh god. ."
Howie wrapped his arms around her shoulders once again and
leaned them both back against the pillows.
They lay in each other’s arms for a long time, not speaking, just
thinking.
"I'm so sorry, Howie," she whispered against his
chest as she lightly trailed her fingers across his abdomen. "I've never wanted to hurt you and I
just keep doing it. I do love you
totally. You deserve someone better. .
. "
"Don't, Beauty, don't say that. I know you love me.
Everything is going to work out fine, you'll see." They shared a tender kiss, a kiss filled
with love. "If I have to share
you, I will." His eyelashes
fluttered slightly as he looked down at her glossy green eyes.
"You won't have to share me, Howie, I'll continue to love
him as my best friend, but I'll never again sleep with him. I promise you that, I don't need that from
him." Her eyes implored him to
believe her. "Only you."
"I wasn't just talking about sex, babe. I'll share your love with him." She shook her head slightly and sighed
deeply, amazed that this one man could accept that she loved not only him, but
also another. Amazed that he could
still love her, knowing she loved another almost as much as she loved him. Amazed that he knew, before she did, that it
was possible to love two people in the same way.
"And you and Kevin? How will this affect your friendship?
I can't bear the thought of coming between you," she asked quietly
"We'll work it out, don't even think about it." He gave her a comforting squeeze before
pulling away. "I'll be right
back." He eased off the bed,
pulled his shorts on and padded towards the bathroom. Michelle watched his every movement, admiring the grace with
which he carried himself. He was so
self-assured, so peaceful. She watched
him with her heart swelling even more.
"Howie?" she called out softly. He turned and looked over his shoulder at
her, "I'll always love you the most." He smiled broadly and nodded.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
She slid out of the bed and pulled a long robe from the closet,
securing it around her shivering body.
Her gaze caught the shimmering gleam of the moon, as it seemed to dance
between the raindrops that were drizzling down along the window. She closed her arms around herself and
leaned against the windowpane.
"How will I ever prove myself to him now?" she asked herself
quietly.
She felt his warm arms wrap around her waist from the back,
"There's nothing to prove," he stated, kissing her cheek. "Don't be sad, baby. I know you're thinking I'm hurting, but
honestly, it's not as bad as I expected.
Being able to bring this all out in the open has made it seem less awful
than it really is." She turned quickly in his arms and snuggled against
his chest.
Shaking her head slowly, "No one has ever loved me as much
as you have. No one has ever accepted
everything about me that makes me the person I am. I can only tell you that I do love you with my whole heart and
soul. I love you more than anyone I've
ever known. My life would have no meaning if I don't have you. I love Kevin too, but not to the magnitude that
I love you." She pulled away slightly and brought her hand up to his face.
"Do you understand? Do you believe
me?"
He nodded and drew her back into his embrace, "I do,
babe. I do believe you and I love
you."
"I couldn’t or wouldn't want to live without either one of
you. Jack said that I needed both of
you, that both of you complete me. I've
been denying it all day. I've probably
been denying it for months. Oh Howie,
this is coming out all wrong."
He dipped his head and lightly brushed her lips as he brought
his hands up to cup her face. "I understand. Trust me, I really do."
He kissed her again and hugged her tightly. "I'm starving." He said after a moment's silence and
chuckled.
She smiled against his neck and ran her hands over his bare
back. "For what?" she asked coyly.
He laughed out loud and pulled away enough so that they stood
several inches from each other. He
raked his eyes over her sensually from head to toe. "Well, for you of course, always." His stomach growled softly. With another laugh, he continued, "But
for now, I need fuel. I've been
depleted. You hungry?"
She softly laughed along with him and nodded. "Let's go raid the kitchen then,"
he said pulling her towards the door. A
loud groan erupted from the room adjoining theirs. They looked at each other quickly and burst out laughing. "Well, now we know what Brian and
Lauren are up to?" The gleam in
his eye and the smile on his lips drew her breath away. She reached over for him and kissed him
passionately once more.
"God, Howie, I'm the luckiest woman in the world to have
you as my husband. To have you in my
life. Thank you."
He smiled even more beautifully and opened the door, "You
check on our baby and I'll put the kettle on."
Michelle nodded and went to Kimberly's room. As she crossed the room, she bent down and
collected the discarded clothing lying in a path towards the bed. She placed them in the hamper and then drew
a quilt off a nearby chair and covered her sleeping angel. "I love you, baby," she whispered
as she smoothed the long dark blonde hair from her child's cheek and placed a
soft kiss on her. She smiled, for only
a child could get away with ice-cream breath, salty sea smelling skin and the
faint odor of perspiration in her hair.
She stood back up and removed a few magazines and CD's from the bed
before turning off the radio. As she
turned back towards her daughter, she sighed and watched her mumble in her
sleep.
"Oh baby, what am I going to do?" she whispered in
the dark room.
*****************
Kevin put the car in gear and slowly drove back to the
house. Howie had said to stay, not run
off back to Orlando. He had said he
would work everything out. He had said
he would talk to Michelle. He had said
he would share her, if that was what was necessary.
Kevin drew his left hand through his dark damp hair and thought
about Howie. Howie always was the
peacemaker of the group. The calm one,
the soothing one. The one who found
something good in everything he saw, in everything they came across, and in
everything they did. Kevin may have
become known as the "leader" of the group, but it was Howie who held
them all together, time after time.
He pulled into the driveway and carefully maneuvered the car
alongside the minivan. How can so much
happen in one day? He cut the engine
and looked up at the darkened house.
The day had started off so well, he and AJ teasing Michelle. He smiled as he recalled her embarrassment
and then shrugged it off, laughing along with them at herself. Then that web site shit had to take her
happiness away. God, he and the other
guys have had years to get accustomed to hearing sick rumors, derogatory
remarks and hurtful comments. He'd
forgotten how horrific it was the first time, you hardened yourself to it,
learned to ignore it eventually.
Michelle would eventually, too.
He just knew it. Recalling the
fun on the lawn with the kids brought the smile back to his face. Kimberly was such an amazing presence in his
life. She laughed so genuinely, loved
so totally, her heart constantly filled with happiness. She told him just the other night that she
wished he lived with them too, just like AJ and Patti did. She wished that the next time he was gone
for weeks that she could go with him too.
He unbuckled his seat belt and looked out the side window at
the steady rain. He thought of his afternoon
with Telly. They had felt so much more
comfortable with each other after their talk.
He understood the pressures she must endure by being with him. He didn't blame her for not wanting to
undertake his lifestyle. He understood
her need to keep her own life in retrospect and persevere in her own business
and future. He admired that. He didn't
have to feel so guilty for not being in love with her anymore. Now he just had to deal with his guilt for
being in love with Michelle.
He said her name slowly in his mind as he eased his long frame
from the car and walked towards the front door, not minding the rain as it fell
upon him once again. He slid his key in
the lock thoughtfully. What did
Michelle say when Howie told her about his feelings? Would she ask him to leave?
Would she ignore him? Would she.
. . love him back? He held his breath
briefly and conjured up a picture of her face.
<I>Sometimes
I wonder
How I'd ever make
it through,
Through this world
without having you
I just wouldn't have
a clue</I>
Michelle was
halfway down the stairs when she heard the front door easing open. She froze momentarily, wondering who could
be out this late and in this rain.
Kevin emerged, with his head down, but she could see the faint smile on
his lips. He softly closed the door
with one hand and then began wiping his feet on the small rug beneath him. She
quietly walked down several more steps until she was at the second to last, her
hand gripping the banister for support.
God, he looked so beautiful, she stood mesmerized.
<I>'Cause
sometimes it seems
Like this world's
closing in on me,
And there's no way
of breaking free
And then I see you
reach for me </I>
His hair was
plastered against his head, his bare arms glistening from the droplets of
rain. He raised both hands and raked
them through his hair. She smiled to
herself as she watched him, admitting to herself once and for all that she was
indeed in love with him too.
<I>Sometimes
I wanna give up
I wanna give in,
I wanna quit the
fight
And then I see you,
baby
And everything's
alright, everything's alright</I>
He looked up and
saw her, saw the smile, saw the love in her eyes. His heart skipped a beat and his own mouth turned up at the
corners even more.
<I>When I see
you smile
I can face the
world, oh oh, you know I can do anything
When I see you
smile I see a ray of light, oh oh,
I see it shining
right through the rain
When I see you
smile
baby when I see you
smile at me, oh yeah</I>
Howie heard the
door and made his way down the hall towards Kevin. He saw Michelle frozen on the last steps, just staring at him
immobilized. He saw her finally
smile. He placed his hand over hers on
the banister and smiled up at her. She
turned towards him and felt her heart double in size.
<I>Baby
there's nothing
in this world that
could ever do
What a touch of
your hand can do
It's like nothing
that I ever knew </I>
Kevin watched
Michelle and Howie stare at each other and felt a stabbing stinging sensation
in his stomach, as they seemed to hold a silent conversation. He edged forward, not sure where to go.
Howie turned his
attention towards him. "Kevin."
Michelle turned her
attention back to Kevin and slowly held out her hand for him to take. He looked quickly back to Howie and noted
his smile and nod. Kevin held his hand
out and walked towards her with trepidation, with longing, with his chest
tightening. Her eyes were level with
his from her position on the stairs and she caught his hand and drew him
closer, her eyes scanning his face and trying to reassure him that everything
was okay. "You're all wet, Kevin," she said quietly.
<I>And when
the rain is falling
I don't feel it,
'cause you're here with me now
And one look at you
baby
Is all I'll ever
need, you're all I'll ever need </I>
Kevin grinned at
her and closed his eyes in relief. She
didn't hate him; she wasn't asking him to leave.
Howie drew closer
to them and lifted Michelle's hand from the railing to place a tender sweet
kiss on it. "Don't be afraid to love him."
Michelle's eyes
misted up and she leaned over to him, letting him capture her lips with his
own. He pulled away with a loving smile
as the shrill of the kettle made its way down the hall. "Join me, both of
you, when you're ready." He
clapped his hand briefly on Kevin's shoulder before turning away and heading
towards the kitchen.
Michelle and Kevin
followed him with their eyes, hands still clasped together. Slowly they looked back at each other.
<I>When I see
you smile
I can face the
world, oh oh,
you know I can do
anything
When I see you
smile I see a ray of light, oh oh,
I see it shining
right through the rain
When I see you
smile baby
baby when I see you
smile at me </I>
She stared into his
piercing green eyes; he stared into her mesmerizing green eyes. She bit her lower lip lightly as she moved
her gaze around his face. He drew his
finger up to her lip and gently brushed across it, releasing it from its
hold.
<I>Sometimes
I wanna give up
I wanna give in,
I wanna quit the
fight
And then one look
at you, baby
And everything's
alright, everything's alright</I>
A small cry escaped
from her lips and she met his eyes again. "I do so love you,
Kevin." She raised her free hand
to his face and traced the outline of his lips and then inhaled softly as he
leaned in towards her.
"And I will
always love you," he replied before moving his lips over hers. His touch caused her to shiver
violently. He released her hand and
pulled her against him with a small cry all his own. Their lips parted simultaneously and their tongues re-ignited the
passion that always hovered just below the surface for both of them.
<I>When I see
you smile
I can face the
world, oh oh, you know I can do anything, yeah
When I see you
smile I see a ray of light, oh oh,
I see it shining
right through the rain, yeah
I can face the
world, oh oh, you know I can do anything,</I>
The kiss ended and
they both drew back with a smile, a smile of love, a smile of acceptance.
<I>When I see
you smile
Oh yeah, baby when
I see you smile, smile at me.</I>
CHAPTER
THIRTY-THREE
“I don’t. . . “
Michelle faltered, not sure what to say, or how to deal with this new
compromising situation she found herself in.
The last thing she wanted was for either Kevin or Howie to get hurt
because of her, because of their feelings for her or because of her feelings
for both of them.
How could Howie
possibly imagine he could deal with her loving another man? Where on earth did the willingness to share
her come from? Why would he offer such
a thing?
And Kevin. How can he actually continue to love her
knowing she was so in love with Howie?
Did he realize how deep her feelings went for her own husband? Why would he want to love someone he
couldn't possibly ever claim as his own?
Now. . .how the
hell was she suppose to act in front of either one of them? What were they both expecting from her? What would Kevin say or do when she told him
that she promised Howie she'd never sleep with him again? What would Howie say or do when she touched
or kissed Kevin? Because she wanted to.
. . very much so.
How could she ever
make it up to Howie for admitting to herself that, yes, she did love Kevin, or
actually, was "in love" with him too? Oh hell, she thought, what does all this mean? What does being in love actually mean?
All her life she
was led to believe that you could only be "in love" with one person
at a time. There was never before a
time when two men proclaimed their love for her or that she felt she was
"in love" with two men. Does
being "in love" with two men mean that she's only half "in
love" with each one? God, no! Her whole being was telling her that she
loved Howie more than life itself. She
would willingly do anything, anything in her power or even beyond that, for
him. She'd die for him. If Kevin needed her, she'd never be able to
say no, she'd willingly die for him too.
She swallowed
softly and closed her eyes and leaned against Kevin's wet chest. It felt so right being in his arms; he made
her feel so safe and loved, as he had done so since the night they met.
“Don’t say anything
yet,” Kevin whispered before pulling her tighter against him and resting his
head alongside hers, “Just let me hold you for another minute.” He breathed in
deeply, mesmerized by the feel of her finally being back in his arms. God, he'd forgotten how good it felt to hold
her so tightly. He'd not even realized
how much he actually missed this, missed feeling her breath against his neck,
missed the sensations that coursed through his body from her touch. It had been so long. . .
Her eyes brimmed
with tears and she hugged him back just as fiercely. After a few long moments, she moved her hands up around his
neck. “Kevin, you should change before
you catch a cold.” She met his gaze and
offered him a small smile, her heart beating wildly again at the look of love
in his eyes. He nodded and ran his
fingers through her loose hair. “Then
we need to talk to Howie about this.”
She felt him tense slightly and understood. “I can’t hurt him, Kevin.”
“I know that,” he
replied softly, searching her eyes for understanding. "I don't want to
hurt him either."
“And I don’t want
to hurt you, please believe that.”
He nodded and
closed his eyes in resignation. He knew
what was coming.
“This is all
happening too fast, and I need time to digest everything and figure out a way
not to hurt either one of you.” She leaned towards him again and kissed him
lightly. “Can you give me some time,
please?”
He opened his tired
eyes and nodded in agreement before taking a deep breath and releasing her. “I
understand, hon. I’m sorry I’ve put you
in this predicament. I tried to hold
back my feelings, I really did.
Everything seems to be crashing down around me and I know you understand
that better than anyone else.” She nodded in agreement, “Michelle, the last
thing I want to do is bring you down with me, or hurt Howie or anyone else.”
She jumped slightly
at his words and grasped his hand, “What do you mean bring me down with
you? Kevin, please, I’m begging you, if
you need me, I’ll always be here. Don’t
go backwards; don’t dwell on things, please.
We both know we can’t go there again.
We need to pull each other up, right?”
The frantic expression in her eyes pulled at his heartstrings. “Promise
me you won't do anything. . . “
“God, Michelle, I
didn’t mean to scare you, I’m not contemplating suicide again, I swear. I just need to sort out so many things going
on in my head.” He started up the stairs
past her, “I’ll be right back.”
She stared after
him, totally torn and conflicted. God,
she did love him very much and she desperately needed him in her life. How the hell can she have such strong
feelings for two men?
"Kevin?"
she whispered quickly, drawing him to a stop.
She ran lightly up the few stairs and wrapped her arms around his neck
once more. "I just want to reassure
you that I really do love you too. I'm
just not sure what this all means or what we're suppose to do about
it." He smiled quickly and pulled
her mouth against his and captured her lips with a longing that he could not
control.
Nick slowly and
quietly backed away from the railing, dazed and stunned at what he'd just seen
and heard. He heard Michelle say she
loved Kevin! He gently stepped into his
room and closed the door. Good god,
what was going on there? Michelle and
Kevin? Holy shit. . what the hell was he suppose to do? Jesus, poor Howie. How the hell long has this been going on? Nick shook his head in disbelief, as his
heart beat frantically against his chest.
Howie leaned
against the kitchen counter and looked out into the dark night, seeing nothing,
but picturing so much in his mind. He
envisioned her naked in Kevin's arms, legs wrapped around him, head thrown
back, eyes glazed over as he made love to her over and over. Howie shuddered and clutched a spoon lying
on the counter.
He had to keep
himself in check. He couldn't let her
know how scared he was starting to get over his offer to share his own wife
with one of his best friends. And for
what? To keep Kevin happy? To keep her happy? No, that's not fair, she didn't ask for this, she didn't even
know how Kevin was really feeling. She
was happy being his wife. He knew it. He believed it.
Well, so much for
telling Kevin to keep it to himself.
Only three days later and he had informed his own wife that another man
was in love with her and realized that she was in love with him too. It certainly didn't take very long to have
his whole life thrown into upheaval.
Damn it, their vacation has only just started. His married life has only
just begun and it was being taken away from him bit by bit.
He heaved a great
sigh and closed his eyes. He saw her
lying in a bed, eyes full of tears and regret, having just spilled her life
story to him and AJ and Kevin. How they
all clicked so fast that night back in November. God, he fell in love with her faster than he ever could have
thought imaginable. He knew she did
too, she loved him from the very first meeting, they were made for each other.
At the sound of
soft footsteps coming towards him, Howie turned away from the stove with his
coffee cup cradled in his hands. He
formed a small smile on his lips before meeting her eyes. “Where’s Kevin?”
“Changing.” She
walked directly over to him and gently pulled the cup from his hands and placed
it on the counter. “Don’t, Howie. Don’t smile when you don’t feel like smiling.” She ran her hand along his cheek and
searched his eyes.
He caught her hand
and kissed her fingertips. "Why do you say that?"
"I see it in
your eyes, D, you're scared."
He nodded slightly
and ran his thumb over her bottom lip, as if to remove the traces of the kiss
he knew in his heart took place. “That
makes three of us, I’m sure?” She nodded
and leaned up to kiss him lightly.
He turned back
towards the counter with a slight sigh, “I don’t know exactly how to deal with
this, Beauty. I'm sorry, I. . . didn't
exactly plan on any of this happening so fast.
Coffee?”
"Yes,
please," she said quietly and hugged him from the back while he poured the
hot water into a mug. He felt tense in
her arms and she didn't blame him one bit.
She slowly rubbed her hands across his tight abdomen and felt him relax
slightly, leaning back towards her.
“Howie, I don’t
want this. I don’t want any of us
feeling like this. I don’t want you
hurting. I don’t want Kevin hurting. I
want all of this to just go away. I
want to just close my eyes and wake up tomorrow morning and live happily ever
after with you.” He closed his eyes and
sighed inwardly while blindly stirring the coffee. “I want you to be happy.
I want Kevin to be happy. I’m so
sorry, I do love him too and that pains me tremendously to admit that to
you. I don’t love him like I love you
though, but I’ll never be able to prove that unless I choose you over him. And, the only way to make that choice is by
hurting him.” She ended just as softly as she had begun. The desperation in her voice tore through
him. “I can’t let go of Kevin right
now, he needs me. I do need him
too. And I’ll never let go of
you. I love you so much, baby, you are
my whole life."
He let out a slight
sob and abruptly dropped the spoon onto the counter causing droplets of the hot
liquid to splatter onto his bare arm.
She edged around him and slowly drew her finger along him, removing the
hot moisture and absentmindedly licking it off her finger. Taking a deep
breath, his eyes followed her finger and then pulled it into his hand and
kissed the top of it lightly.
She kept her gaze
on his arm and whispered forlornly, “I need time to deal with all this. I know you can’t be serious about sharing me
with him. How could any person act so
generously and not have it tear them up?”
His heart beat
furiously within his chest. She was so
right, he was tearing up inside, but he knew he wouldn't lose her. He believed
her. "Michelle, I. . . "
She pulled away and
strode towards the kitchen table, searching for her cigarettes. “Where the hell
did I leave them now?” she asked herself, her voice breaking as she tried to
hold back the tears of anguish. She'd
done it again. She'd hurt the most important man in her life. She scattered through some papers that were
lying on the table, searching for both her cigarettes and answers.
Kevin approached
her, startling her, and handed her the pack of cigarettes. “You left them in
the car.”
She looked up
quickly into his eyes and saw the same despair that she was sure reflected in
her own. Yet, just gazing upon him,
seeing him standing before her, made the small lump in her throat swell,
preventing her from uttering a word.
Slowly reaching for
the pack, Michelle thought desperately for a way to ease the panic rising
within herself. She took several deep
breaths. Howie came up behind her and
wrapped his arms around her shoulders.
“Don’t,
Beauty. Don’t torment yourself. We need to look at this positively, not
negatively. I’ve made an offer that I
wouldn't have made if I didn't know just how much you do love me. I know, now, how much Kevin loves you
too. When I can’t be there for you,
he’ll be able to. When I can’t help you
deal with something, he will. What
could be better than knowing my wife will always have someone to turn to,
whether it’s when she’s happy or sad?”
“But what about
you? What about Kevin?” she asked
quietly lowering her gaze to Kevin's hand which was wrapped around her
own. “This isn’t just about me and what
I need or how having two men love me will be beneficial for me. Both of your feelings are so much more
important to me than my own."
Howie pulled
himself closer to her and kissed her ear softly; Kevin pulled her hand closer
to his chest and bent down and kissed her cheek softly. She closed her eyes and
shuddered, loving the feeling of both men surrounding her. <I>
This so isn't right, I don't deserve these two men. I'm not worthy of their love.
They can both do so much better than me. Why me? Why do they both
love me?</I> Her thoughts
swirled furiously within her mind.
<I>Oh god</I>
"Michelle,
I've never met another woman who has made me feel so complete before. You know me, inside and out. You know what I
fear. You know how to ease my
anxieties. You know how to make me
smile. We were meant to be
together," Kevin said huskily as he brought his other hand up to lift her
chin. "Don't question it, don't
fight it." She met his eyes once
again and shivered.
Howie nodded in
quiet acceptance and felt her body press back onto his own, knowing that she
needed his strength. He moved his arms
around her stomach and held onto her tightly.
"And I've never been happier in my life. You've loved me unconditionally, and you've given me what my
heart has always desired. You love me
for who I am, not for what I do and what I can give you. You've given me a family and a normal
life. Our differences have only helped
me grow more as a person and be a better man.
I couldn't even imagine my life without you by my side. . . ever."
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
With a sickening
sensation building in her stomach, Michelle abruptly pulled herself away from
both men and ran towards the bathroom.
"Beauty?"
Howie turned quickly, eyes wide with fear.
"I'll be right
back," she mumbled hastily as she covered her mouth with her hand.
Howie turned
pleading eyes to Kevin, "Kev? You don't think. . ."
Kevin pulled his
eyes away from her retreating back and glanced at Howie. "No, D. I know what you're thinking and no, she's not going to hurt
herself."
They both ran
towards the bathroom and heard the violent retching coming from within. Howie pushed open the door and sank to his knees
beside her at the toilet. She continued
vomiting and tried pushing his hand away from her shoulder.
"Get
out!" she cried in embarrassment before another wave of nausea hit
her.
Howie eased her
long hair from her right hand and gently rubbed her back. "No, I'm not going anywhere. Oh baby, I'm sorry." Dry heaves overtook her stomach and she
clutched his hand in support.
Kevin crouched down
on her right side and gently wiped her face with a warm cloth. "Michelle, what is it? Are you okay?" His fears quickly surfaced and he
immediately thought about the horrible vomiting his own father had suffered
from chemotherapy. Kevin shook himself
slightly and tried to push those thoughts out of his mind. <I>Michelle
does not have cancer. Everything came
out fine last week. I won't let her get
sick.</I>
Howie gently guided
her back to her feet and noticed the sleeve of her robe was soiled. "Are you okay now, Beauty?" He watched as Kevin gently ran the washcloth
across her forehead. He also noticed
that he had his arm around her waist too, but, for some reason, he realized it
felt right. It was okay for Kevin to be
there.
Michelle nodded and
kept her eyes closed, "Yes, I'm sorry.
I think that was the last of my punishment for drinking too much
yesterday." Her voice was slightly
scratchy and her cheeks were flushed.
"Or at least, I certainly hope so." She opened her eyes and met Howie's caring ones. "Will you run up and get me something
clean to wear?"
He nodded and
brushed his lips across her cheek, "You need to eat something too. That'll make you feel better. I'll be right back, babe." He eased his arm from around her shoulder
and gently pushed her closer to Kevin.
Catching Kevin's eyes, he silently thanked him for being there.
Michelle and Kevin
stood in silence for the few moments it took Howie to return. As he supported her and ran his hand in
small circles across her back, she leaned gratefully against him, ashamed that
both of them had seen her sick.
"Here you go,
sweetie," Howie said softly as he placed a t-shirt and a pair of flannel
pajama bottoms on the vanity and then undid the sash to her robe. Between the two men easing it off of her and
then pulling the t-shirt over her head and helping her into the bottoms, they
were done in no time. None of them
blinked twice over the fact that two men had just undressed and redressed one
woman. It felt natural, it was done out
of love and care, not lust.
Michelle rinsed her
mouth out in the sink and then turned towards both of them. "Thank you," she whispered and
then threw her arms around both of them pulling the three of them close
together. "What would I do without either one of you?" Both Howie and Kevin hugged her back and
met each other's eyes in the mirror. An
unspoken bond was formed between them.
"What's this?
Orgy in the john? Can I join
in?" The three of them pulled
apart quickly and turned to find AJ lounging against the door with his arms
held wide open.
"Oh AJ! You
are too much," Michelle smiled at him and swatted his hands down. "Always thinking about sex, eh?"
AJ chuckled and
slapped at her hands in return.
"Why does everyone always think that?" He asked, rolling his
eyes, yet immensely relieved to see the three of them together. Despite his lighthearted tone, he was deeply
worried and had been all night. The
only respite came from being in Patti's arms.
She'd fallen asleep a little more than an hour ago and he'd just been
lying there, in their big warm bed, thinking about Kevin, Howie and Michelle. Damn, he was relieved it wasn't him and now
he needed some concrete proof that his three friends were okay.
"Well, Bone,
your timing, as always, is impeccable."
Kevin grinned as he pushed Michelle and AJ into the kitchen. Howie flushed the toilet, grabbed Michelle's
robe and threw it into the laundry room beside the bathroom before pulling out
a chair for his wife.
"What are we
in the mood for?" he asked kneeling beside her and pushing her hair behind
her ear. "Chicken? Eggs? Fruit?"
She ran her finger
across his lips and bent to kiss him, "You going to cook for me?"
He chuckled and
kissed her back. "Of course. Why
do people think I don't cook?"
"Well, it
could have something to do with your little speech on that conversation
mix." Michelle winked at him, "Weren't you the one who said something
along the lines of ‘I want the type of girl who will make me breakfast, make me
lunch and make me dinner’?"
AJ and Kevin burst
out laughing, and Howie grinned, winked exaggeratedly at her and replied,
"Howie doin' sweetheart!"
Kevin and Howie
worked well side-by-side, making scrambled eggs, toast and dicing fresh
fruit. They spoke in hushed whispers
and while Michelle and AJ were dying of curiosity as to what they were talking
about, they were both just plain relieved to see them talking. AJ pulled out a cigarette from Michelle's
pack, lit it for her and passed it over to her. "Are you okay, babe?"
She patted the
chair next to hers and took the offered cigarette. "Thank you, AJ, for
everything. I'm sorry I broke down like
that earlier. The stress just got to be
too much."
AJ nodded in
understanding and shared her cigarette. "Well, you know I'm dying to find
out what's going on down here, but you can fill me in on the details later. At
least those two aren't killing each other."
"What do you
mean, Bone? What happened
earlier?" She edged her seat
closer to him and glanced at the backs of the two men at the counter.
AJ shook his head
slightly and placed his arm on the back of her chair, leaned closer to her and
whispered, "I just needed to find out why you were so troubled, so I got
them together and well, I guess everything just came out. Details later, I promise. Now I understand the tension and moods
around here today." He pulled on
the cigarette and passed it back to her.
"Are you okay, though?"
Michelle shrugged
her shoulders, "I'm okay, babe, I just don't know what's going to
happen. I do love them both. Does that disgust you?" The need for an honest answer from one of
her best friends was suddenly of extreme importance to her.
"Disgust?"
AJ asked incredulously, "of course not, babe. Don't you realize how much we all love you? Nothing you do could ever disgust me. I can see why you'd love both of them. They are both distinct separate individuals
and yet, they love the same way, with their whole heart and soul. That's what
you deserve, because you've brought so much happiness into our lives, you've
helped me find peace within myself.
Without you, I'd never have met the love of my life or have a precious
child coming. Don't even think it's
disgusting or wrong to love them both, promise?"
The tears pooled in
her eyes and she reached over and hugged him, "Thank you. I love you, you
know?" AJ nodded his head against hers and squeezed her against
himself.
"Okay, wipe your eyes and sit back and watch, I'll take care of
this." Before she could question
him, Howie and Kevin brought four plates over to the table and sat with them. Howie sat to her right and smiled sweetly at
her, she couldn't help but place her hand on his thigh and return his
smile. Kevin sat beside AJ and the four
of them ate in silence for several minutes.
"So? What's
the deal guys? You aren't killing each other and you're actually talking, so,
tell me, what's happened." AJ's
bluntness caught all three of them off guard and Kevin choked on his coffee. Gently tapping him on the back, AJ grinned
widely at him, "Got you back, I see."
Michelle froze with
her fork half way to her mouth and then chanced a sideways glance at Howie and
then Kevin. Both seemed uncomfortable
and unsure of how to respond.
"Well? Are you
going with the sharing thing or what?"
AJ nonchalantly forked another mouthful of eggs into his mouth and felt
Michelle kick his foot. He threw her a
quick glance and winked.
"AJ!"
Kevin put his cup down and turned to him in disbelief, "Don't you think
you've done enough interfering for one day?"
AJ shrugged his
shoulders and plunked a chunk of watermelon into his mouth. Before answering, he wiped a bit of juice
off his chin and the swallowed.
"Nope! If it weren't for my
interference, Train, ya'll would still be miserable and moping around like lost
puppies and Michelle would be. . . "
"AJ, listen,
while we appreciate your interest in our, er, situation, I don't think we're
exactly comfortable discussing it right now." Howie spoke calmly and
darted his eyes around the table at the other three.
"Really? And when exactly do you expect to get
comfortable with your situation, D?" AJ pushed his plate away and sat back
with his arms crossed over his chest.
"You can't just sit here and expect the answers to fall into your
lap. Now, what are the rules?"
"AJ, please,
stop," Michelle begged quietly, her cheeks starting to become warm.
"Rules?"
asked Howie, his anger starting to rise, "What rules?"
"Yeah, rules,
like when does Kevin get to show his love?
Who does Michelle cook and clean for? Do you guys have to ask each
other's permission to take her out?"
"AJ! That's
ENOUGH!" yelled Kevin pushing his chair back and standing over him. "What are you trying to do here?"
"I thought you
were on my side?" Michelle turned to AJ with numerous questions in her
eyes.
"I am, babe, I
really am, but I'm sitting here watching the three of you struggle with your
thoughts and I know you all are wondering about these exact
questions." AJ looked
sympathetically at her and noted her slight nod. He cast his eyes towards Howie and saw him place his head in his
hands and sigh. Kevin strode around the
table and hunched down between Howie and Michelle.
"He's right,
I'm afraid. I am asking myself similar
questions. D, this all rest in your
hands and we have to respect your decisions." Kevin nudged Howie's arm and as Howie turned his head towards
him, he saw the questions in his eyes as well.
"I have no
rules, Kevin," he replied quietly, "I'm not exactly experienced in
this sharing my wife business, you know?
I have no idea how any of this is going to work." He shook his head and looked over at
Michelle. The fear and hesitation in
her expression made him long to pull her into his arms and run off far, far
away with her.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
"AJ, I
appreciate what you are trying to do, but I'm not ready for this." Michelle turned in her seat, placed her hand
on AJ's arm and looked straight into his dark eyes, "Thank you though, but
I can't sit here and watch Howie or Kevin go through any more hell today
because of me. I love them both and
only time will tell what happens. I'm so overwhelmed right now and don't know
what to think or what to say or how to act.
They’ve both agreed to give me time to sort things out. I'm not going to just jump into bed with
Kevin and I'm certainly not going to start cooking and cleaning for anyone,
anymore than I may already do. And no one has ever had to ask Howie's
permission to take me anywhere. I think enough has been said for one day and
I'm tired." She spoke all this
directly to him, but he understood that she was actually directing her little
speech at all three of them. He looked
down at her compassionately, leaned over and tenderly kissed her cheek.
"I know,
babe. I'm sorry, just trying to help,
you know?" AJ looked past her and
apologized to Kevin and Howie as well. "Ok,
well, if any of you need me or my advice, ya'll know where to find
me." He stood up and bent down to
kiss the top of Michelle's head. Kevin
stood as well and extended his hand to AJ, who looked up at him in
surprise. He knew he'd pissed him off
and the last thing he'd expected was to walk out of the room without a few more
harsh words directed his way.
"Thanks, Bone,
you're a good friend."
Howie approached
him as well and hugged him firmly, "Only you, AJ, could get away with the
shit you do. Thanks, buddy."
AJ let his gaze
linger on the three of them for a moment longer, in awe that they all seemed so
calm all of a sudden, and then he turned, with a shake of his head, and strode
down the hall.
Michelle stood up
gingerly and faced the two men behind her.
She slowly pushed her chair in and leaned back against it. "Howie? Can I talk to Kevin,
alone? Please?"
He nodded his head
and started to walk off without question.
She caught his arm quickly and stopped him, realizing that he probably
felt like he was being dismissed. "I love you, just remember that."
He gifted her with
a small smile and moved his hand down to her waist to draw her closer to him
and he kissed her deeply. Despite the
jealousy threatening to burst out of him, he did his best to remain passive and
just relish in the feel of his lips against hers.
With a pained look
in his eyes, Kevin turned his head away from them and sighed inwardly. He sensed he was about to be told the last
thing he wanted to hear, that she wouldn't accept his love.
"I'll never
forget that, I promise." Howie kissed her once again and then released
her.
She watched him
walk around the corner and then slowly turned her attention to Kevin. She raised her eyes to his face and felt
crushed when she saw his saddened eyes.
"Kev?"
she called to him quietly and drew him down into the seat Howie had
vacated. He stared wistfully at her as
she straddled his lap and placed her arms around his neck. When he felt her cheek against his, he shut
his eyes tightly and wrapped his arms around her body. They stayed that way for several moments,
both seeking comfort from the other's embrace.
.
"I don't want
you to think that I don't love you, because I do. I just can't be with you."
Michelle pulled back and caressed his cheek with her thumb, following
the stubble running down to his chin. "I can't do that to Howie. I can't sleep with two men. It'd be wrong and you know I couldn't deal
with the guilt."
Kevin remained
silent, determined not to believe what she was trying to tell him. He moved his hands down her back and pulled
her slightly higher in his lap so that her crotch was resting above his. He bent down and started kissing her
neck.
"Kevin . . .
"
"Don't you
feel it? Don't you realize what you do
to me?" He slid his hands up her
shirt and roamed her bare back while he spoke.
"Don't you want me too?"
His voice was so low and silky; it reverberated through her as he sucked
her earlobe between his lips.
She gasped slightly
as his hands came around to her body and his fingers lightly grazed the sides
of her breasts. "Kevin,
please . . oooh."
"I know you
want me inside of you. I want to kiss
you all over." His hands pushed
her shirt up, exposing her bare breasts to him and he quickly dipped his head,
caught one of her nipples between his teeth and tugged ever so gently.
She gasped
uncontrollably and clung to his shoulders as he leaned her back on his lap
slightly and caused her nipple to harden in his mouth. "Feel what you do to me." He
pulled one of her hands from his shoulder and brought it down between them,
holding it against the growing bulge in his pants. With the back of his hand he stroked her crotch causing her to
moan out loud. "See, I know you
want me too."
She reeled from the
sensations that his mouth and hand were causing to course through her
body. God, how she'd love to feel him
inside of her, his powerful thrusts burying himself deep into her. As her breathing became labored, she pulled
what little strength she could muster and with a loud groan swiftly pulled
herself off his lap. She stumbled back
a couple of steps and collided with an adjacent chair. Kevin quickly stood and caught her arms
before she fell backwards. His eyes
locked onto hers, holding her prisoner with his piercing gaze.
"Kevin. . . I
can't," she cried softly but didn't pull away as his mouth came down onto
hers. The heat and passion from his
kiss made her dizzy and she leaned into him for support. He cupped her bottom with his strong hands
and picked her up, her legs automatically encircling his hips.
"Please . . .
" he begged against her lips as he carried her into the living room and
gently lowered them both to the sofa.
His warm body covered hers and held her hostage. His tongue and lips meshed with hers and
while she wanted to resist, she found that she couldn't.
She didn't want his
kisses or caresses to stop. Her own
fingers were taking on a mind of their own and found their way beneath his
shirt to taste his smooth skin. She
battled with the demons within her, knowing she was determined not to do this,
but yet, wanting it, wanting him so badly.
He raised himself
slightly and swiftly turned them sideways so that she was trapped between him
and the back of the sofa. His right
hand disappeared between them and her legs parted willingly, one moving itself
up and over his thigh. Her own left
hand sought and found his hardened member and they both stroked each other into
frenzy as their kisses continued to add fuel to their fire.
At the same time,
they tugged on the elastic waistbands of the others pants and soon found the
source of their desires.
"Oh god .
. " Michelle cried against his
mouth as he maneuvered the head of his cock against her opening. "Kevin!" His own breathing was ragged, his hot breath blowing onto her
face. "Stop, oh Kevin, stop! No, I can't. . . I can't. . . "
She pushed against
his chest and felt his arms tighten around her body.
"Baby . . please.
. don't stop. I love you, I know you love me. I need you. Please baby, please." Kevin pushed his crotch tighter against hers
and entered the head of his member into her.
With a strangled
cry, she pushed against him harder. His
balance suddenly shifted and he fell backwards onto the floor, bringing her
down with him. She scrambled to her
knees beside him.
"Kevin, oh god,
I'm so sorry, I'm sorry." She
frantically tugged her pajama bottoms back up while avoiding his eye.
He laid there
silently, with an arm thrown across his forehead, attempting to wipe out what
he almost did to her. God, he heard her
earlier, but just chose to ignore it, to get what he wanted. He lay there full of disgust for
himself.
"Kevin,
please, I'm sorry. I do want you. I
really do, but I can't . . Oh god, I'm
so weak. I have no morals. I'm nothing more than a cock tease and a
whore. Please, please forgive
me." She readjusted her clothing
and then pulled on his arm.
"Please, baby, please don't hate me." Her anguished plea brought him up into a
sitting position.
He ran his hands
across his face and then caught her hands between his. "No, don't blame yourself. I'm sorry.
I lost control. It was my
fault. I'll give you all the time you
need. You aren't a cock tease or a
whore. I love you so much." He released one of her hands and pushed the
hair out of her face. "Go to bed,
hon. We'll do this your way, one day
at a time." He watched her eyes
fill with tears and drew her head against his chest.
He needed to get
his emotions in check. He needed to
stop racing with the clock and let things happen naturally. Everything was being so rushed lately, he
wasn't thinking rationally and if he didn't stop now, then he could ruin all
their lives.
With a jolt of
realization that it was up to him to back off, he slowly rubbed her back and
then pushed her away from him. Peering
into her glazed eyes, he brushed the tears from her cheeks and helped her to
her feet. "Just knowing you love
me is enough for now. Go to bed and
don't feel guilty. It's not wrong to
want someone you love and Howie knows that."
Michelle shook her
head slowly, quietly disagreeing with him.
It was wrong. It was very wrong
to want someone inside of you other than your husband; a husband who had done
nothing but spoil her with his love for the last eight months; a beautiful
giving man who loved her with all his heart.
"Kevin, Howie.
. . " she started, but couldn't form the words to convey her thoughts. He
was about to interrupt, and she didn't want him to absolve her. She felt that she didn't deserve it. "I
love him so much and I've hurt him enough over the last several weeks. How can you honestly believe that he could
accept this? How would you feel if your
wife was suddenly sharing his bed? My
god, you've got Telly upstairs, in your bed, probably waiting for you. Oh god, Kevin. . ."
"She's
sleeping, and anyway, we talked earlier and it's not so serious anymore.
Michelle, please just forget everything that just happened. I'm sincerely sorry for pushing you, I know
you need time." Kevin stepped back from her and gently turned her to the
hall. "Go! Go to bed and I promise to ease off."
She took a few
faltering steps and then leaned against the corner of the wall and sighed
deeply. <I>Why does life have to
be so difficult?</I> She looked
back over her shoulder and saw Kevin sitting on the edge of the couch with his
head buried in his hands. Her heart
ached for him, knowing some of the thoughts going through his mind.
<I>Guilt. Why is there always so much
guilt?</I> She was filled with it
and so was Kevin. Guilt nearly consumed
them for hurting the people they loved over and over.
She fought the
temptation to rush back to his side and wrap her arms around him. Her heart was urging her legs to move, but
her brain kept her frozen in place.
<I>Howie.</I> She couldn't dishonor Howie or his love for
her any further. Whatever it takes,
whatever pain it causes, she vowed to prove to her husband that she was worthy
of his love.
She turned quickly
and lightly ran down the hall and up the stairs with her heart pounding
fiercely within her chest. Her only
thought was to go to Howie and profess her love for him, beg him to understand,
promise him to physically love only him.
She quietly eased
open the bedroom door and slipped into their room. Her eyes focused on the bed and it took her a moment to make his
shape out in the darkened room. Slivers
of blue-gray light fell across the loveseat and the end of the bed, casting an
ethereal glow upon half the room. He
was lying on his stomach with his head turned towards the window and snoring
faintly. She kept her eyes glued to his
bare back as she edged towards the bathroom.
After she quietly
closed the bathroom door, she flicked on the light and proceeded to strip her
clothing off and wash Kevin from her body.
When she felt somewhat cleansed from her sins, she pulled on a short
silk nightgown and carefully slid into bed with her husband. Her fingers automatically brushed the dark
hair away from his cheek and her heart went out to the most beautiful, giving
and loving man beside her.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
The next week
passed by in a different manner for each member of the household. For some, the days were too short, not
nearly enough hours in the day to get all their hopes and dreams fulfilled in
such a small period of time. For
others, the days dragged on, endless hours allowing too much time to think.
Both Michelle and
Kevin confessed separately to Howie on Monday morning of their close
encounter. Both sought his forgiveness
with wholehearted pleading and promises to stay away from the other. Howie forgave them both in his own way,
silently grateful that they hadn’t consummated their admitted love for the
other.
Each morning, the
guys left for the studio at nine and worked for six or seven hours in their
usual manner. Some hours were filled
with laughter, others with aggravation.
Others with perfection when they produced the sounds they wanted. Tension was evident at times as to be
expected.
Amazingly, Howie
and Kevin had drawn closer to each other, both drawing strength from the other,
knowing the pain that was dwelling within each one of them. They were often seen huddled together deep
in conversation.
Brian had cornered
Kevin on Monday morning sensing his distraught state and had dragged out of him
all that had happened the night before.
Kevin was reluctant, to say the least, to reveal to Brian all the broken
vows he had made on the previous Saturday.
Although Brian couldn’t condone Kevin’s actions, he sympathized with
him.
Howie had sought AJ
out during a lunch break and confessed his anxiety of the night before and then
his happiness of this morning once he learned that his wife did not sleep with
another man.
After their initial
confessions to their friends, neither Kevin nor Howie spoke again with Brian or
AJ on the matter. Both were too ashamed
of their actions and thoughts.
AJ and Brian
watched them carefully all week with a mixture of confusion, trepidation and
inquisitiveness. They also agreed
between themselves that it was their duty to discover the thoughts and
conversations going on between the two by questioning Howie or Kevin whenever
they could get them alone. Despite all
their attempts, neither one were successful in breaking down the walls that
were slowly building around the two older men.
Nick was scared of
the scene he had witnessed between Michelle and Kevin and was torn over what to
do about it. He wanted to tell Howie,
yet he didn't know how to squeal on two people he loved dearly. He wanted to confront Kevin, yet he was too
fearful of his answers. He wanted to
slap Michelle for her disloyalty to one of his dearest friends, yet he could
never lift a hand and hurt someone he cared for. Instead, he chose to ignore
her or sullenly glare at her when she spoke to him He decided that it was she that was to blame, for wasn’t she
married to Howie? Didn’t she constantly
profess her love for him? How dare she
cheat on him!
It never occurred
to the other four men to let Nick in on everything that had taken place since
last Friday.
Nick had his first
date with AnaLee on the Monday night and was totally taken with her. Her sweet, innocent and calm demeanor
provided him with the peace that he desperately needed to feel right now. He concentrated on her and all the dates he
hoped she’d continue to go on with him.
Aaron spent his
days trying to impress Kimberly. It
wasn’t very difficult. She thoroughly
enjoyed his company and thought of him as another brother she never had. Gone were her teenybopper thoughts of
meeting him one day and falling deeply in love with him. As if she even understood such thoughts at
her age. After all, didn’t she have
Nick Carter as her very best friend?
Wasn’t her mother married to a heartthrob of millions of women? Didn’t she live in a sprawling estate with
one of the most successful music groups of all time? To her, they were ordinary people who loved her and took care of
her. She was enthralled with the
beautiful summer days spent running down to the beach, diving into the cold
blue sea, having her new friends, Gracie and Hope, spending the night here and
there or going to the studio occasionally with Kevin.
Lauren spent a few
hours each day at the studio as well.
While her career was in writing children’s books, her passion was
music. Her father, who owned Victoria’s
Recording Studio in London, had often taken her to work with him as she grew
and taught her more about producing music than most of his employees would ever
know. She was assisting the guys with
their new album.
Brian was more than
pleased to have her there each day and often interrupted their sessions to
break out into a love song just for her.
Of course, this made for more work in the long run, but all was forgiven
when Lauren agreed to officially join their team and co-produce on this new album.
Telly reveled in
the newfound sense of freedom from her relationship with Kevin. The stress from not being in love with him,
nor wanting to commit herself to him, provided her the opportunity to just
enjoy their time together without feeling guilty. She certainly sensed a change in him. She noted his somber moods at times, and was somewhat confused
about his need to pay extra attention to her.
They went out every night, to dinner, to the movies, for a walk, or for
a drive. She sensed he was avoiding
something, but chose not to question him or deliberate about it. She didn’t want to verbally acknowledge his
feelings for Michelle, for admitting to herself or him that she knew he loved
her all along would just be too painful.
Patti did what she
did best; she kept everything running smoothly. She prepared numerous schedules for cooking, car usage, and
laundry duty. She had the two women
she’d hired in the beginning come in twice a week to do the standard dusting,
changing of the sheets, washing of the floors and other tiresome chores that no
one really wanted to do. Weren’t they
all meant to be on a vacation?
She slowly started
to put on a bit of weight, however, both Michelle and AJ noted that she still
wasn’t eating or resting enough. They
both confronted her in their own way, however, her answers were always the same,
“I don’t need to
gain forty pounds just for a seven pound baby, do I?” or “When I’m tired, I
rest and you know I’m too hyper to stay in one spot for long.”
Michelle and AJ
agreed to keep an eye on her. Michelle
knew how obsessed Patti had been about her weight all her life and her solemn
vow of never going over one hundred and ten pounds.
Michelle spent her
days pretending to those around her that everything was fine. Her nights were spent in heated passion with
Howie. She dared not even look at Kevin
when he was in the same room as her. He
understood and kept his distance, although inwardly it was very painful for
them both. She steadily withdrew from
the happy conversations and friendly hugs and kisses that just a week ago were
so easily doled out. She concentrated
on Kimberly during the day, ensuring that she was happy, had something to do,
someone to do things with, or somewhere to go.
She spent a lot of her time lying in the sun thinking about her actions
over the last eight months, the only benefit being the beginnings of a deep
dark tan. She also noticed and felt
Nick’s silent anger towards her, but couldn’t find the strength to confront
him. Perhaps he would just tell her
what she already knew; that she was deceitful, disloyal to her sister and
friend known as Telly, and undeserving of her husband’s love.
She questioned
Patti twice about her pregnancy, out of sisterly concern, but aside from that
she kept her conversations brief and impersonal.
AJ constantly
watched her and attempted to talk to her, make her laugh, or hug her, but she
was stiff in his embrace and her expected responses were stilted.
Howie knew what was
happening in the evenings, but couldn’t deny that he was enjoying her
attentions. From the moment he returned
home each afternoon, she claimed him as her own and they spent their nights in
solitude. For at least twelve hours of
each day no one else existed for them.
They were lost in their own little world of love and passion.
On Thursday
evening, AJ put his foot down and insisted they join the rest of the family in
a good-bye dinner for Telly. She was
returning to Orlando the next morning and wouldn’t be returning for a few weeks. Howie immediately fell back into the old
pattern of having a fun-filled time with his friends and realized how reclusive
they had grown the last four days.
Michelle, however,
was uncomfortable being in everyone’s presence. Her gaze fell upon Kevin several times and her eyes would mist
over, realizing how much she missed him, how much she wanted to just talk to
him once again, feel his hand on her arm or his arms around her. God, she missed him so much and she loved
him so much that it truly and physically hurt.
Both Howie and AJ
saw her pain.
“Howie, help me
outside at the grill,” AJ commanded him with the intent of getting Howie alone
to once again try to resolve the heartaches he knew were growing more with each
passing hour.
Howie pulled two
bottles of beer from the fridge and followed AJ outside.
“Since when do you
offer to cook, Bone?” Howie asked him with a bright smile.
“Only since I
decided you need a good talking to, D.”
Howie turned
knowing eyes to AJ and let out a sigh.
“AJ, I don’t want to talk about Michelle or Kevin.”
“Yeah, well, if you
don’t do something, both of them are going to end up where they were a couple
of years ago.” AJ replied bluntly, causing Howie to recoil in fear.
“Don’t even think
that. Michelle is fine. Kevin is fine. We talk all the time.”
“Really? And what do you talk about with Kevin? ‘Cause, Brian and I have been trying like
hell all week to figure you two out and you’ve done nothing but evade our
questions. And what do you and Michelle
talk about all night? Do you talk about
Kevin? Do you talk about her feelings?”
AJ yanked a long fork off the side hook on the grill and speared a steak in
anger.
Howie watched AJ
stab and turn over a dozen steaks before closing his eyes in resolution. “No, Michelle and I don’t talk about
Kevin. She refuses to. Believe me, AJ, I’ve tried discussing him,
but she stops me immediately. I can’t
force her.” He took a long pull of his
beer and stared off towards the ocean.
“Kevin and I talk about Michelle constantly.”
AJ closed the lid
of the grill and turned back towards his friend. “Howie, god man, I don’t know what to say to you, but I do know
that both of them are miserable.
Michelle may be fooling herself into believing she doesn’t need him,
only you, but we both know how it’s killing her to not even look at him. Everyone knows something is going on, yet no
one knows what to do to make everything all right.”
“Christ, AJ,” Howie
blurted out and turned his sad teary eyes towards AJ, “Of course I know what
it’s doing to her. I am the recipient
of her actions, aren’t I? Does Patti
make love to you four or five times a day?
Does Patti sit in your arms and profess her love to you constantly
throughout her waking hours? I know Michelle loves me, yet I can’t stop her
from trying to prove it. I know she’s
feeling guilty and remorseful for loving Kevin. I know she’s pulling away from everyone she loves, except
me. But what am I suppose to do?” Howie turned and sat heavily in a patio
chair and finished off his beer.
AJ looked down at
him with compassion, knowing that what he was about to say, was not what Howie
wanted to hear. “You need to talk to
her, make her understand that it’s okay to love Kevin too. Convince her to show her love for
Kevin. You are the one that agreed to
share her love with him last weekend.
Why you did that, I’ll never know, but that’s what you agreed to. If you’ve changed your mind, then fine,
that’s certainly your right. I don’t
know of any other men that would willingly allow their wives to love not only
himself but also one of his best friends.
If you don’t want to share her, then you have to tell Kevin. You can’t leave him hanging. Michelle can’t continue to feel guilty for
pushing him away. Christ, D, I wish I
could take all this away for you, but it’s out in the open now. It’s your call.”
Howie nodded
silently and stared at the wooden floor of the patio. “I know,” he whispered hoarsely.
“I know.”
AJ turned the grill
off and knelt next to Howie, “I don’t know why God gave you such a big heart,
but I do know that He gave it to a very deserving man. You’ve always been so generous and kind to
everyone you meet. Hell, you even let
me be your best friend. But, no one
will blame you if you take back your offer.
I don’t know if it will even help to do so, but something has to give,
somewhere.”
Howie silently
nodded his head and then went inside to find his wife.
Lauren, Telly and
Patti were in the kitchen, chatting happily while they prepared a variety of
side dishes. Brian and Nick were having
a game of pool and Aaron was upstairs talking on the telephone to his
mother. Michelle sat on the sofa facing
away from the back deck and watched Kevin and Kimberly at the piano with silent
tears brewing in her eyes, an unread magazine lying open in her lap.
Without having to
see her face, Howie knew the sadness she felt from the stiffness of her
shoulders and her lack of movement from the noises surrounding her. He walked gently to the back of the couch
and wrapped his arms around her shoulders.
She jumped slightly, quickly wiped her eyes and turned to him with a
smile.
“Hey. . . she’s
learned so quickly, hasn’t she?” she asked him as she indicated her daughter
across the room. “She just played the
whole of “Back To Your Heart” on her own.”
Howie looked fondly
upon his stepdaughter and felt a chill run down his spine as Kevin leaned over
and gave her a quick congratulatory hug.
“She’s amazing, just like her mother.” He whispered into her ear. “We need to talk . . about Kevin.”
She turned
beseeching eyes back to her husband, “No Howie, no, not now.”
He released his
hold on her and walked around the couch to face her. Grabbing her hand, he pulled her up before him and cupped her
face. “Then you go talk to Kevin right
now. No more avoiding him. No more pretending that nothing has happened
between the three of us. You can’t go
on like this. Kevin can’t go on like
this and I can’t stand here and watch my wife give up all that she loves just
to prove to me that she loves me. I
know you love me. I’ve known it from
the first day we met. I’ve known it all
these months and I know in my heart that you will love me always. I’m not afraid of losing you to Kevin,
Michelle, I’m afraid of losing you to your own guilt ridden thoughts.” He spoke quietly just for her own ears and watched
as her face crumbled before him. He
drew her into his arms and held her tightly.
“I love you so much that I’m willing to allow Kevin to love you as much
as I do. Don’t be afraid, don’t be sorry,
and don’t feel guilty. I won’t love you
any less for loving him too.”
Her body shook in
silent sobs against his. He maneuvered
them back onto the couch and clutched her tightly to his chest. “Sssh, baby, don’t cry anymore.” He kissed her hair and ran his hands over
her back, “I love you, don’t cry.”
After a couple of
minutes, she finally caught her breath and wiped the tears from her face once
again. She pulled back and looked
deeply into his eyes. She saw no hate
or disgust or hesitation in them, only pure adoration and love. “Oh Howie, I do so love you, how can you be
so giving? How can you love me this
much? I’ve hurt you so bad . . . “
“No, you haven’t,”
he interjected.
“I did, with Kevin
and with AJ and with my past.” She stroked her fingers around his face, and
searched for some sign that he did hurt from her, but found none. Incredulously, he gazed back at her with
only love.
“Nothing from your
past matters, Beauty. I love you now
and forever hereafter. Now, make me
happy and go acknowledge Kevin. I won’t
be hurt from your love for him.”
He pulled her up
with him once again and ran his thumbs across her cheeks wiping the remaining
tears away before kissing her so softly.
“I’m going to thank AJ.”
“What? Howie, please, I can’t do this to you.” She caught the waist of his shorts and kept
him still against her. “Please, baby, I
don’t want to lose you.”
He pressed his lips
against hers softly and smiled. “You’ll
never lose me, honey.” He pulled her
hands away from him and turned her towards Kevin and Kimberly. “Go congratulate your daughter on her
brilliant playing and tell Kevin you love him.
Where it goes from there will just fall into place. I need the real Michelle back. I miss her.
We all miss her.” He gave her a
gentle push and then walked back outside with a pounding heart.
CHAPTER
THIRTY-SEVEN
Michelle took a
couple small steps forward from Howie’s little push and then stopped, unsure,
afraid of making this move. She looked
behind her to see Howie slipping through the screen door and as he turned to
close it behind him, he flashed her a smile, a thumb’s up and a wink before
walking over to AJ.
She couldn’t help
but laugh slightly to herself as AJ yanked Howie over to the grill and
forcefully handed him the grilling fork to finish his job. Kicking off his sandals, AJ hoisted himself
up on the deck railing with a goofy grin and started his usual ramblings.
She turned her
attention back to the far end of the living room and sighed. Good god, if she goes to Kevin now it will
change everything. She watched him and
her daughter talking animatedly while sitting close on the piano bench. It was so wonderful seeing Kimberly interact
with him. He’d been so attentive to her
all week, as if for making up for lost time.
Their private
conversation was abruptly ended as Aaron ran into the room and over to
them. He pulled on the back of
Kimberly’s shirt.
“Let’s go,
Kim. Gracie and Hope just called and
they said to meet them down on the beach.”
The look of pure happiness on the young boy’s face made Michelle
smile. He was such a good kid, so
boyish, so down to earth despite the fact that he was a rising young star
having sold millions of albums around the world. No matter what anyone thought about his and Nick’s mother, she’d
done a good job keeping her sons real.
Lauren startled
Michelle by placing a hand on her arm.
“Hey, Shelly, did you hear me?”
Michelle looked
sheepishly at Lauren as she shook her head, “Sorry Lauren, I was thinking about
Aaron and Nick.”
Lauren nodded
knowingly and then continued, “I asked if you wanted to take a ride to the
market with us. We need some lovely
deserts for tonight.” Her grin was
infectious and Michelle once again found herself smiling back affectionately at
her younger friend.
“Thanks hon, but
I’ve got some apologizing to do to my best friend,” she said, turning back and
looking at Kevin.
Once again Lauren
nodded knowingly, “I don’t know what you two fought about, but I’m glad you’re
ready to make up. You two are bloody
miserable bitches when you’re not talking.”
She laughed out loud as Michelle turned back to her and stuck her tongue
out at her. “Good luck, luv.”
Michelle watched as
Lauren, Patti and Telly grabbed their handbags and headed down the hall. Her attention was drawn back to the piano as
Kimberly got up and started moving towards her.
“Hey mom, we’re
going down to the beach for a while.”
Michelle moved
towards her and wrapped her arms around her slim shoulders while she nodded,
“I’m so proud of you. I can’t believe
that was my little kid playing so beautifully.”
Kim grinned and
pulled away from her mother, “That’s ‘cause I’ve got a great teacher.” She
looked back towards Kevin and smiled.
Kevin sat on the
piano bench watching them with a small smile and sad eyes. Michelle met his intense eyes and felt her
heart explode.
“You certainly do,”
she murmured before moving towards him.
Kim and Aaron ran outside, with promises of being careful, knowing at
least one adult in the household would shout it out to them.
Michelle halted and
looked back outside at her husband one last time. He and AJ stood side by side against the deck railing. . laughing.
She felt her remorse slipping away as she watched that wonderful friend
of theirs throw his arm around Howie’s shoulders and ruffle the other’s
immaculate hair. Howie’s response was
to grab AJ’s sunglasses and fling them behind them onto the lawn, before
grabbing his friend to him for a hug.
She turned back around to find Kevin hunched over the piano
keys, his fingers just hovering above them.
He felt her presence as she neared and looked down at her as she quietly
slid onto the piano bench beside him. Without raising her eyes just yet, she
gently took his left hand between her own and drew in a deep breath. Caressing his long fingers, she slowly drew
her gaze up to meet his. His brilliant
green eyes had such a tinge of sadness in them that she winced at the pain
she’d caused him.
“I’m so sorry,
Kevin.” She spoke barely above a whisper and felt his fingers tighten around
her own. “I never wanted to hurt you, but I didn’t know what else to do. I love you so much and I wanted to be with
you, in your arms, but I didn’t want to betray Howie.” She felt his body shift slightly as he moved
closer to her. “Can you ever forgive
me? I miss you so much.”
He dipped his head
and kissed her lips softly for a brief moment.
“There is nothing to forgive. I
love you.” He brought her hand up to
his lips and kissed it thoughtfully.
“I’ve missed you too.”
Nodding her head,
she lowered her gaze to his lips and subconsciously licked her own.
“Don’t do that,” he
whispered with a groan as he lifted her chin to gaze into her eyes. “What does this mean, babe?”
“It means I love you and I want you just as much as I want
Howie. I want you back in my life,
Kevin. I want to see you smile. I want to hear your laughter. I want to feel your lips on mine
again.” She leaned towards him and he
met her instantly, placing his warm mouth on hers and wrapping his arms around
her shoulders.
The tears slid slowly from both their eyes as his lips roamed
hers, consuming and tasting hers. She
shivered violently against him and clung to the shirt covering his chest. Pulling away slowly, she closed her eyes
tightly and rested her head against him.
“There will be consequences, you know that. I can’t give you everything I give Howie. I can’t shout out aloud that I love
you. I can’t make any promises to you.”
Kevin shushed her with his lips once again and then gently
ran his hand across her cheek. “I don’t
care about any of that. All I want is
to love you, see you happy, feel your happiness and make love to you whenever I
can. The only consequence we need to
worry about is making sure Howie doesn’t feel like he’s losing you, because
I’ll never ask you to leave him for me.
He’s being so generous to me letting me love you too.”
She softly caressed his face as she looked up at him with
love shining from her eyes. “He’ll
never lose me, Kevin. But I’m bound to
lose you someday when you realize this arrangement won’t be enough for
you. And I couldn’t blame you then,
could I?”
“Please, we’ve only
just begun. Let’s not even think of the
future just yet. One day at a time for
now, okay?” His emerald eyes no longer
contained the sadness from only minutes ago.
She nodded and kissed his cheek. “But tonight is Telly’s.
I won’t take this night away from her, Kevin. I know you two aren’t as together as you were before, but she
still deserves you.” He nodded in
agreement and gave her a beautiful smile as he felt the warmth reenter his soul
from her presence.
The sliding door opened and AJ and Howie entered the house
with the grilled steaks and empty beer bottles. Michelle and Kevin both turned towards them with small smiles
lingering on their lips. AJ and Howie
looked at each other and exchanged their own secret smile. AJ had amused Howie outside with his wild
thoughts and wishes for himself regarding menage-a-trois’s and had successfully
removed the anxiety contained within his friend.
They made their way towards the piano and Howie felt the
tension leave the room as he realized that she was once again at peace with
herself. He edged around behind them
and scrunched down on his heels beside her.
She gazed down
lovingly into his face and leaned over to kiss him softly. “Thank you, Howie. Thank you for loving me so much.”
He returned her gaze, his own eyes filled with adoration and
happiness. “Kevin and I have been
working on something all week, for you.”
He looked up at Kevin questionably.
“You ready?”
Kevin nodded and
placed his hands on the piano keys. AJ
walked over to the far end of the piano and leaned against it and watched his
three friends, curious at to what exactly Howie and Kevin had been working on. Those two men should hate each other and
they don’t, he thought to himself with a shake of his head.
Kevin began playing
and looked down at Michelle as he started to sing.
<I>I never needed love like I need you
And I never lived for nobody, but I live for you
Oooh, babe, lost in love is what I feel when I’m with you </I>
She stared in amazement at him, recognizing the song,
remembering the conversation the three of them had had at the end of last year
regarding their various taste in music.
As Kevin sang, Howie moved around the piano to stand on Kevin’s right,
so that he could see his wife’s expression.
Then as he began singing the next verse, her attention was immediately
drawn to him as his beautiful voice met her ears.
<I>Maybe it’s the way you touch me with the warmth of a sun
Maybe it’s the way you smile, I come all undone
Oooh, babe, lost in love is what I feel when I’m with you </I>
AJ watched on in pure shock.
The passion, which emitted from his two friends, was something he hadn’t
seen or heard from in so long. The
combination of their voices was pure magic as they sang the chorus
together.
<I>Baby, ooh I get chills when I’m with you
Baby, my world stands still when I’m with you
When I’m with you </I>
Kevin opened his eyes and turned his head back to Michelle as
he sang directly into her eyes.
<I>I never cared for nobody like I care for you </I>
Howie’s hand moved over his heart as he sang the next line.
<I>And I never wanted to share the things I want to share
with you </I>
Kevin joined him once again.
<I>Oooh, babe, lost in love is what I feel when I’m with
you </I>
The tears of happiness coursed down her cheeks as she watched
the two men she loved with all her heart sing their love for her.
<I>Baby, ooh I get chills when I’m with you
Baby, my world stands still when I’m with you
When I’m with you
Baby, ooh I get chills when I’m with you
Baby, my world stands still when I’m with you
When I’m with you
When I’m with you
When I’m with you...
(When I’m With You – Sheriff/Monster Ballads)</I>
Nick and Brian had
appeared around the corner and stared at their two friends in obvious
shock. When the song ended with Howie’s
falsetto voice, all six of them wore beaming smiles. Michelle opened her eyes, brushed the tears away quickly and flew
into Kevin’s arms. “That was so
beautiful.” She released him and moved
quickly to Howie and hugged him just as tightly.
“I think we just
found another song for the new album,” Brian said with obvious pride. Granted, he, Nick and AJ got virtually all
the leads in their songs, but the combination of Howie and Kevin with this
song, just totally blew him away. They
would seriously have to rework some of the tracks they’d already laid down.
AJ sauntered over
to Nick and Brian with a huge smile on his face. “Folks, we have lift off.
Life in the Backstreet World will soon be returning to its most glorious
state.”
Nick stood quietly
between AJ and Brian, “What the hell is going on here?” he asked in a hushed
tone as he watched Michelle kiss Kevin passionately.
“Come on, Blondie,
help me set the table and I’ll tell ya all about it.” AJ threw his arm around
Nick’s shoulders and led him towards the kitchen.
Brian caught
Howie’s eye and was rewarded with a brilliant smile, just before Howie pulled
Michelle back into his arms for his own passionate kiss. “Guess I’ll go get the kids,” he said more
to himself and chuckled as he raced from the room.
The girls returned
with much commotion a few seconds later.
Kevin eased his long body off the piano bench and turned to Michelle and
Howie with happiness pouring from his face.
“Thanks, D,” he said clamping a hand on Howie’s shoulder, “Thanks for
making me happy.” He spun around at the
sound of voices walking down the hall and went out to meet the women. Michelle turned back into Howie’s arms and
held him tightly.
“Oh Howie, I’ll
never stop being amazed at all the things you can do and give. I love you so much.” He bent his head and kissed her temple.
“Everything is
going to be all right from now on, Beauty.
Let your soul rest and remember, no matter what happens, I’ll never stop
loving you.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Dinner was the usual boisterous affair that it formerly used to
be now that everyone had smiles on their faces once again. Nick had listened attentively to AJ’s brief
explanation of what had transpired between Kevin, Howie and Michelle and was in
total shock. He kept looking at each one
of them all throughout dinner; not comprehending how all this could have gone
on right under his very own nose and never even have picked up on it. Oh sure, he definitely planned on thanking
his friends for being so considerate in including him in the secrets of their
lives. Not.
He looked upon Michelle with a tinge of guilt as it dawned on
him that she wasn’t the only one involved in that kiss last Sunday night and
here he was all week thinking awful things of her, ignoring her, glaring at
her. While he still couldn’t quite
comprehend how she could willingly allow two men to love her, heck, who was he
to pass judgment? Kevin and Howie. Who would have figured?
Actually, now that he was really thinking about it, Nick
started to recall the relationships Michelle had with both of them since the
very first day. Of course it was
obvious now that Michelle and Kevin did belong together, in some way or
other. They were so similar, they had
been through the same things in their lives, they knew how the other’s pains
felt. So why did she pick Howie, he
wondered. He looked upon his Latino
friend and instantly had an answer to his own question.
Howie was engrossed in an animated conversation with Lauren
about the production of some songs; however, he had the most brilliant smile on
his face as his fingers were softly caressing those of his wife’s, who was
listening to the woes of the children.
“Please, Mom. . . Heather and Greg said we’ll be perfectly
safe. No one will even recognize
Aaron. He looks just like Hope with all
that blonde hair and we could pretend he’s her brother. Please, please let us go. Patti and AJ are going to New York and
you’re letting them.” Nick’s attention
was drawn to the conversation at hearing his brother’s name mentioned.
Michelle chuckled to herself at the innocence of her
daughter. As if she could stop AJ and
Patti from doing anything they wanted, not that she’d want to. She sympathetically looked at her begging
daughter, “Kimmie, I trust Gracie and Hope’s parents, but you have to realize
how difficult this could be for them if someone recognized Aaron. They haven’t been exposed to the screaming,
loving fans like you have. Never mind
the fact that where you want to go will be overflowing with young girls who
will most definitely recognize him. And
Patti and AJ are adults and can take care of themselves and don’t need my
permission to go anywhere. Besides,
Marcus is meeting them at the airport.”
Nick saw the crushed expressions on Kimberly’s and his
brother’s faces. He went over and knelt
between Michelle and Kimberly. “What’s
going on, Shelly?” he asked her quietly with a small smile playing on his
lips.
She looked at him in disbelief, shocked that he was addressing
her in his old style and actually smiling at her, not even the faintest bit of
a grimace.
“Gracie and Hope’s parents, Greg and Heather, have invited Kim
and Aaron to go up to Boston with them this weekend to attend the Kiss 108 FM
special summer concert. I’m afraid of what will happen if Aaron is recognized.”
Nick looked over at the two kids and felt their anxiety. “I missed out on a lot of things like this
over the years and I know how you feel Aaron.”
He turned back to Michelle and smiled his crooked smile at her. “Thanks, Shelly for worrying about him so
much. How about I make a few phone
calls and have our security team get a couple of our bodyguards up here to meet
them? I’m sure we’ll need them here
soon anyway; it’s bound to get out that we’re here for the summer. We haven’t
exactly been laying low all week, you know?”
Michelle brushed a wayward strand of his blonde hair off his forehead and
smiled at him. “Thanks, Nick. If you feel comfortable letting him go, then
I have no objection to Kim going either.
Are you sure?”
He nodded and was suddenly knocked on his ass as both kids
threw themselves at him and expressed their thanks. Michelle laughed heartily as he started wrestling with them and
causing their high shrieks of laughter to fill the house.
Howie leaned against her and whispered in her ear, “Kid free
weekend?”
Michelle nodded and turned towards him with her eyes
shining. “Yup, no kids. Now we can plan that little rendezvous on
the beach and not have to worry about them.”
She grinned at the delight in his eyes as she got up from the table and
started collecting the dirty dishes. “I
take it from the look in your eyes that you like that idea?” His hand brushed slowly across her backside
in response. She bent down and kissed
him quickly and then made her way into the kitchen.
Kevin and Patti were wrapping up the leftover vegetables and
bread, while sharing pleasant banter.
Michelle took a bowl from Patti’s hands and gave her a nudge towards the
living room. “Get out of here! You helped cook, I’ll do the cleaning
up. In fact, you should take yourself
outside and relax in the hot tub.
You’ve been running around all day.”
Patti looked at her in amusement before grinning. “Yes, Mom.
I’ll leave you and Dad to the clean up.” She sidestepped Kevin’s playful slap and then turned
serious. “I just want to say that
whatever you two were in disagreement about, we are all very happy and relieved
to see that you’ve made up. Tonight feels
right once again, just like it used to.
Don’t fight anymore, damn it!”
Michelle and Kevin exchanged a meaningful look before giving
Patti their warmest smiles and promises to not “fight” anymore.
After Patti left the room, the two of them worked around each
other in silence for several minutes.
After Michelle put the last dish in the dishwasher, she rinsed her hands
under the faucet and looked over at Kevin.
“She can never know about us, Kev, you know? I don’t want to hide my love for you, but I can’t afford to have
her hate me again. I’ve only just
gotten her back after all these years and . . “
He leaned against the counter next to her and trailed a finger
down her cheek, “I understand, babe. I
really do. I’ll be discreet and my
feelings won’t be hurt. I think it’s
best we keep this between us and, well, the guys since they already know.” He
crossed his arms before him in a comfortable stance and then looked towards the
dining room. “Nick told me a little
while ago that he saw us on the stairs Sunday night and heard you say you loved
me. He’s held it inside all week, but
admitted he blamed you and ignored you.
It tore him apart, not confronting me or telling Howie. So he settled on you instead. I’m just glad he didn’t confront you with it
and I don’t want to see that happen again, from anybody.”
She looked up at him and yearned to kiss him right then and
there. God, this was going to be so
hard.
Greg and Heather arrived an hour later, as did the mysterious
AnaLee. Nick was both anxious and
elated that she’d agreed to come over and finally meet his “family”. He’d been dying to introduce her to everyone
all week, but was fearful that she’d become overwhelmed with the antics of his
friends and, well, let’s face it, the stress level in the house all week had
been grueling. She was a fan after all
though, having admitted that to him last weekend when he and Kim had first sat
at her counter at the drug store, and she couldn’t resist at least saying hello
to the rest of the guys.
Nick had been so taken by her sweet, gentle demeanor, and for
the first time in a long time, didn’t have one of those thoughts about being
dated only because he was a Backstreet Boy.
She was truly beautiful in her own way, soft curly black hair
hanging just below her shoulders, eyes the deepest shade of brown, even more so
than Howie and AJ’s. She was tall and
slender, and her smooth mocha skin just screamed at Nick to be lovingly
caressed. He’d sat there awestruck as
she went about her duties, gracing each and every customer with her warm smile
as she catered to them. Once Nick had
finally worked up the courage, in spite of Kimberly’s playful teasing at his
shaking hands, he’d asked her out and was bowled over that she’d agreed. Their date last Monday night had been so
easy going. Generally Nick found it
hard to be his real self so soon after meeting someone, opting more often than
not to be Nick Backstreet Boy instead of Nick Carter, but there was something
about AnaLee that helped him let down his guard and open up to her. They’d spent the evening talking about
themselves, the real Nick and AnaLee and their hopes and dreams, and not about
their friends or families.
AnaLee had just graduated from Boston University and while was
prompted to go on to law school by her locally famous father, she’d decided
against it for the time being, preferring to spend her time finding
herself. She gave herself one full year
to decide what to do with the rest of her life. So far, she’d found no answers, but enjoyed working in the drug
store for her great-aunt and dabbling in real estate for her other
great-aunt.
Everyone liked AnaLee from the very first moment. She seemed shy at first, just like Nick, but
opened up after a while, once she realized the guys were just regular everyday
people.
As they all sat companionably on the deck, with AJ and Patty in
the hot tub, it dawned on Patti that AnaLee was the very one who had
recommended this house for their summer visit.
Such a small world it is indeed.
Nick and Kevin made all the necessary calls and eventually had
it arranged that Emilio and Mark, two of their backup bodyguards, would meet
Aaron and Kim at Heather and Greg’s house in Arlington and stay with them for
the weekend.
Michelle packed overnight bags for both children and at nine
o’clock; the kids went home with Heather and Greg, as they were off to an early
start the next morning.
Eventually everyone ended up putting on their bathing suits and
joining AJ and Patti in the hot tub.
Nick and AnaLee begged off, mainly because they were still shy around
each other and neither wanted to be half-naked in front of the other, well not
with eight other people present. They decided
to take a quiet drive instead, so they said.
The remaining group shared a few bottles of champagne and
chatted comfortably about their upcoming schedules. AJ and Patti were flying to New York tomorrow morning for a
shopping weekend. Telly was anxious to
get back to her pet store and start implementing her new marketing
techniques. Howie needed to make
arrangements before the end of next week to return to Orlando for a series of
meetings involving the Lupus Foundation and his club, Tabu. Brian excitedly told Lauren and Patti about
Kevin and Howie’s duet and even though they begged to hear it, neither could
bring themselves to perform it in front of Telly.
Soon enough, Brian and AJ grew restless and commenced a playful
water fight. The others endured it for
about two minutes before kicking them out of the hot tub. With a howling laugh, Brian grabbed Lauren’s
hand and begged her to swim in the ocean with him. She eagerly complied with his request, as she was almost just as
rambunctious as he was. With a
meaningful look, Patti talked AJ into going upstairs to pack and um, rest up
for their early flight. AJ loved the
fact that she was so frisky these days.
“Well, there’s plenty of champagne left,” Kevin remarked and
leaned over the side of the hot tub to grab the bottle. Michelle snuggled closer to Howie as Kevin’s
hip came to rest on her upper arm. She
felt shivers cascading down her body from his innocent touch, but didn’t want
to let that fact be known, especially with Telly sitting right there. She started to feel hypocritical in Telly’s
presence, but for some reason the small smile Telly bestowed upon her erased
those guilty thoughts. Does she know?
Michelle wondered to herself.
Telly had been such a good friend all these many months. She never questioned Michelle about her
closeness to Kevin or their frequent hugs and kisses. She just accepted it, so it seemed.
Telly pulled herself out of the hot tub an hour later and
declared she needed to finish packing, take a hot shower and get some
sleep. Kevin went to climb out after
her, but a soft touch of her hand on his arm stopped him.
“No, babe, you stay and finish your drink. I’m just going to make a big mess of the
room while I pack and I need to make a phone call anyways.”
“Tel, it’s almost midnight, who are you going to call?” Kevin
asked.
Telly let out a small laugh and bent to kiss his head, “My
sister in Hawaii, Silly. It’s not too
late there and she’s coming to visit on Sunday. We need to finalize her plans.
So, you stay and relax.”
Kevin grinned at her and caught her around the waist and kissed
her sweetly on the lips. “Okay, I won’t
be long.”
Telly went over and hugged Howie and Michelle goodbye. As she was about to enter the house,
Michelle called out to her.
“Telly! Wait!” She quickly got out of the hot tub and ran over
to her and caught her hand. “Telly. . . I just wanted to say. . .”
Telly silenced her by pulling her into her arms and giving her
another hug. “You don’t have to say
anything. I know and it’s okay. Kevin needs you. Just promise to take good care of him.”
Michelle pulled back startled and looked at Telly with glazed
eyes. “I’m sorry, Tel,” she whispered
softly. Telly smiled affectionately and
shook her head, then leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips.
“Never be sorry, Michelle.
It’s fate, so why fight it? I
still love you. Friends forever, aren’t
we?” Telly flashed another smile to the guys and went in the house.
Michelle looked after her for several moments before turning
back and heading to the hot tub, lost in thought. God, how can she be so. . . understanding, Michelle wondered
silently.
She bumped her knee on the side of the hot tub and came out of
her silent thoughts. “Shit!” She looked
up after rubbing her knee and noticed Kevin and Howie staring at her with
shocked expressions. “What?”
“She kissed you,” Kevin croaked out.
“On the lips,” Howie finished for him, equally as shocked.
She laughed at them as she climbed back into the warm
water. “So? Friends kiss, no big
deal.” She settled herself and sipped
from her glass. Both men continued to
look at her with naughty smirks forming on their faces. “What?
You can’t tell me you’ve never seen two women kiss. God, it wasn’t sexual.” She looked back and forth between them and burst
out laughing. “Stop looking at me that
way and wipe those grins off your faces.
Men!”
CHAPTER THIRTY- NINE
Michelle awoke to the warm sun streaming through the
windows. She stretched lazily with a
happy smile as she gazed through the window and marveled at the beautiful shade
of blue painting the sky. She rolled to
her right and saw a note propped against the phone.
<I>Good morning, Beauty,
I’ve gone to the studio to make some calls. I won’t be long. Call me.
Love, Howie</I>
She outlined his name with her fingernail as she recalled their
peaceful night. For the first time in
days they hadn’t collapsed against each other out of extreme exhaustion from
their lovemaking. They just held each
other, gazed into the other’s eyes and whispered quietly. They didn’t even make love. They didn’t have to. It was so beautiful and peaceful just lying
there with their hands gently caressing the other.
She reached for the phone and dialed his cell phone. “Hi, sweetie.”
“Hey, Beauty. Did you
sleep well?” He sounded happy, relaxed.
“I haven’t slept that good in two weeks. Ah, it was heavenly. I’m still luxuriating in our big bed,
enjoying the sun cascading all over me.” She was equally as happy and relaxed
sounding. “So, what are you doing there
you couldn’t do here?”
“Well, I drove Telly, AJ and Patti to the airport and since I
was halfway here, I figured what the hell.
Plus, I left my organizer here and I needed a few phone numbers.”
“Okay then. When you
talk to your brother tell him I’ve got the variance applications for the
Flamingo Gardens project finished and I’ll send them out today overnight mail.”
“You did those already? God, he just faxed them to you on
Wednesday.” Howie twirled a pen between his fingers as he settled his feet up
on the desk and marveled over how valuable she’d become to his real estate
development company.
Chuckling at the awe in his voice, she continued, “Well, you
sing well, I fill out forms well. And
when you call Chelsea, tell her I think the best weekend for the next
fundraiser would be Labor Day weekend.
Oh, and call Bruce at the club and let him know that we’ll need to close
Tabu to the public on whichever day we settle on for the event.” Numerous thoughts were filtering through her
mind as she got into the business mode.
“Whoa! Who said I’m
calling Chelsea or Bruce? And when did
you have time to get all this stuff worked out?” he asked incredulously.
Still relishing in the glow of happiness, Michelle responded in
a light-hearted tone, “Listen, Mr. Work-a-holic, just call your niece and
partner and whoever else you’re calling and come home. It’s awfully quiet here. Oh, and I do believe you’ve forgotten I’ve
become quite the lady of leisure all week, just basking in the sun. I needed a way to keep my mind busy
sometimes. What better than keeping my
hubby organized?”
Howie was silent for a moment, “What would I ever do without
you to keep me in line?”
She giggled at his husky tone and rolled over and caught the
time. “Holy Shit, D! It’s already
11:30, I never sleep this late.”
“You needed it, that’s why I didn’t wake you this morning. You looked so peaceful and beautiful lying
there with your arms tucked under your pillow, your golden hair falling across
your back and shoulders, your lips half smiling, your legs. . “
“Howie, stop. You’re making me blush.” She continued to giggle
into the phone.
“Well, you better get Kevin up. We have a 2:00 luncheon at the Summer House with a reporter from
VH-1.”
“What? Why? What have you done, Howie?” She sat up and
allowed her legs to fall over the side of the bed.
“I’m telling the world today that I’m a happily married man.”
His voice was filled with pride. “If you hear from Nick or Brian, tell them to
meet us there too. They took the boat
our earlier with Lauren and AnaLee.
She’s so sweet, don’t you think?”
Her shocked silence wasn’t falling upon deaf ears. He knew she would be surprised and nervous
about the interview.
“Howard!” She also knew his rambling was a delay tactic.
“Listen, honey, we’ve all been thinking lately that we can’t
continue hiding our private lives. It’s
just not fair to keep certain things inside.
I want to show the world how happy I am. Eventually, AJ wants to release the news of Patti and the baby.
We’ve been planning our strategies all week and management is aware that I’m
making this announcement today. I
didn’t tell you earlier because it wasn’t firmed up yet.” He paused and waited for a response.
“Okay, babe.” She responded quietly all the while thinking of
the rumors already plaguing the Internet over her. If this was what Howie wanted, then Howie would get it. “What do I wear?”
He chuckled at her question. “Women! I don’t know, Beauty. I like that dress you bought in Palm
Beach. Did you bring it?”
“Yeah. Howie what do I
do? What do I say? Your fans are going to be so shocked and
pissed off. I don’t want them to hate
you.” She twirled the phone cord around
her fingers and tucked her legs beneath her.
“Don’t worry about it.
Sure there was some angry fans over Brian’s engagement announcement, but
it’s all died down now, hasn’t it? The
true fans will understand.”
They talked for a few more minutes and then Michelle went into
the bathroom to pee, brush her teeth and brush her hair. She padded down the hall in her bare feet to
Kevin’s room and rapped lightly before opening the door.
“Kev? You awake?” she
asked quietly and watched the soft rise and fall of his bare chest as he
slept. She gently shook his arm and
laughed as he grimaced and rolled over, covering his head with his pillow. “Kevin Richardson, wake up!”
She playfully tugged the pillow away from him and screamed with
laughter when he suddenly rolled back towards her, caught her around the waist
and pulled her over his body to his left side.
She continued laughing as his arm remained encircled around her
and he nuzzled her neck.
“You cheat. I could’ve
sworn you were sleeping.” She kissed his tussled hair and put her own hand on
his arm.
“Who the hell sleeps this late?” he asked playfully as he
pulled back and looked down at her. His
eyes were twinkling and his mouth formed into a very sexy grin. “You look so sexy.” His hand trailed down her side, absorbing
the warmth of her skin beneath the burgundy nightgown she wore.
She gazed up into his eyes and yearned to kiss him. “Kevin. . .” He turned his eyes back towards her and sank down onto her
lips. She moaned slightly as his lips
grazed across hers. Her hand slid
higher until it rested against his neck, her fingers softly caressing him. “Oh, Kevin,” she sighed and deepened the
kiss as his hand roamed her side, causing her to shiver.
He kicked the sheet away from his body and drew her closer to
him. Her chest pressed up against his,
and her hips snuggled tightly against him.
She felt his member growing against her thigh and slowly drew her hand
downwards. She stopped briefly at his
nipple and seductively drew a circle around it before slowly moving away. He groaned into her mouth and slid his own
hand down her thigh, his fingers gathering up the silky fabric and raising it
upwards as he went.
”Wait!” she said breathlessly and pulled away from him, “I have to go to the,
um, bathroom.” She quickly climbed over
his body and ran towards the door of the bathroom connecting his room and
Kimberly’s. She heard his involuntary
groan as she closed the door behind her.
She leaned back against the door, with her hand to her throat and
breathed deeply. <I>Oh god, I
want him so bad. I want him right now.
</I> She looked across the bathroom and quickly ran across it and closed
the door leading to her daughter’s room.
She needed the confines of a small space to think clearly.
She stopped and looked at her reflection in the mirror and
gently touched her lips, remembering only too well how good Kevin’s felt upon
them. But today? How can she even think of making love to him
today? God, Howie is announcing to the
world today that they are married. But,
Kevin. She wanted him so bad. He wanted her. Howie would understand, he said so. She was torturing Kevin by her guilty thoughts. She ran the cold water and flushed the
toilet for his benefit. Taking a deep
breath, she turned around and eased open the door once again.
Kevin stood beside the bed clad only in his dark blue boxers. He was dejectedly pulling the sheets and
blanket up. She released the tiniest of
cries as she watched him. She was being
so unfair to him. She loved him. She wanted him. She was hurting him by constantly pulling away.
She walked lightly up to him and placed her hand on his arm, as
he was about to draw the quilt upwards.
He froze and closed his eyes.
“Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling. Do you feel my heart beating, do you
understand? Do you feel the same? Am I
only dreaming? Is this burning an
eternal flame?” she quietly sang the words to him as she looked at him in
agony. She had his hand placed over her
heart and she touched his face with her other one.
His eyes opened and stared down at her. “I can’t take it, babe. I can’t handle you pulling away anymore,” he
whispered hoarsely.
She silenced him with her fingers. “I’ve had an eternal flame for you since the first night you
showed me how love felt once again.
Your touch, your kisses, the way you made love to me, are all emblazoned
on my mind forever. I want to relive
that night with you, Kevin. Right now.”
She got on the bed and knelt high before him. “Please, Kevin, let me love you like you
loved me that night. I have no more
doubts about how much I want you, how much I need you.” Her hands slowly caressed his chest. She brought her lips to his throat and
kissed him gently. He groaned and
tangled his hands in her hair, gently maneuvering her head up so that she was
looking at him.
“Are you sure?” he asked painfully.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. Kiss me, Kevin, make love to me.” He released a small cry and pulled her
against him, his lips capturing hers in a blazing kiss. Her hands roamed his back desperately, her
desire to be with him engulfing her.
He slid the thin straps of her gown down her shoulders and
kissed his way down to her breasts. She
cried out as his lips grazed across her sensitive skin. He eased her back down onto the bed and sat
gently beside her and stared into her eyes.
“I love you,” he whispered.
Her own green eyes, filled with love and desire, locked with
his as her hand reached for his hardened member. “I love you,” she whispered back and then gasped as his fingers
pulled her gown down and off her body.
He leaned across her and took her lips once again as she
encircled his length through his boxers.
Passionate groans escaped from his lips as her hand found its way
beneath them. He quickly stood and shed
the boxers and then gazed lovingly down at her body. As his eyes roamed her, his hands followed. He caressed her everywhere causing her to
arch her body at his touch. He slowly
peeled her panties away and at her urging laid down beside her.
“Now, baby. Love me
now,” she begged, pulling his mouth towards her lips once again. He shifted his body above hers, her legs
parting willingly, and settled himself upon her.
“I don’t want to rush this,” he breathed against her.
“We have forever,” she responded breathlessly.
As he entered her, they both cried out loudly. Their lips met desperately. Her legs surrounded his body. His hands cupped her face and they lost
themselves to their passions.
CHAPTER FORTY
The next two weeks turned into a whirlwind of traveling for
Michelle and Howie. After the interview
with VH-1 and the subsequent airing of it the following night, they were
inundated with requests for interviews and personal appearances. Howie was more than happy to fly all over
the country to show off his bride.
*******
Michelle tried her best to keep the guilt from sleeping with
Kevin from consuming her, but as always the guilt prevailed. As they were about to enter the dining room
at the Summer House for the interview, she’d tugged on Howie’s sleeve and begged
him for a moment of privacy. He looked
surprised but acquiesced. Brian,
Lauren, Nick and Kevin went inside to meet with the reporter and Howie guided
Michelle into an empty conference room.
“What’s wrong, Beauty?” Howie softly caressed her cheek as she
turned to face him.
“I can’t, in all good consciousness, go in that room and let
you tell the world that you are happily married. . .“ The confusion in his eyes
tore at her heart. “I slept with Kevin
this morning, Howie.” She said barely above a whisper. She turned her head and focused her gaze on
the bland tan draperies hung across the wall opposite them, hating herself for
the pain that flashed swiftly across his face.
Howie’s throat constricted and his heart quickened its normal
pace. He stared down at her profile and
thought wildly for an appropriate response.
What was appropriate, he wondered, when he was the one that had agreed
to share his wife with Kevin? He knew
what his decision would entail. What
right did he have now to chastise her for it?
Christ, he’d been best buddies with Kevin all week, talking things out,
working on her song together. He had no
animosity for him, yet why did it suddenly hurt so much? He knew all along that Michelle and Kevin
would fall back into bed with each other.
They needed to be together, they needed to love each other
completely.
He watched her struggle to breathe evenly and not cry. Her fingers clutching tightly to his hand as
she swallowed her tears. “I’m so
sorry,” she cried out suddenly and turned back to him, clutching the lapel of
his suit coat with her free hand.
In that instance he buried his feelings of pain, of inadequacy,
of betrayal. God, he loved her so much
and if Kevin was the one she needed to stay alive, then Kevin could have her
any way he wanted her.
He smiled gently at her and caught her hands in his. Slowly backing her up to the wall, he stared
deeply into her questioning eyes. “If I should kiss you right now, what would
happen?” he asked softly and slowly.
“If I should trail my fingers down your throat and over your breasts,
what would happen?” His heart beat
faster as he watched the desire fill her eyes and the small goose bumps form on
her arms. She bit her lips together to
stop their trembling. “If I should lift
your dress and fall to my knees before you, what would happen?” His lips were a mere breath from her own.
“God, Howie, what are you doing?” she asked weakly as her knees
started to buckle when his faint touch against her neck sent waves of desire
through her body.
“What do you want right this second?” His voice was so low,
seductive. Mesmerizing.
“I want you,” she gasped as his fingers grazed over her
breast. “I want you to fuck me, Howie,
right now.” Her breathing became
erratic as he sank to his knees and pushed the thin material of her dress
upwards. “Oh god!”
His tongue flicked across her abdomen and his fingers
disappeared beneath her white panties.
“Howie!”
She pressed her shoulders firmly against the wall as he pulled
the panties away from her and spread her legs.
She cried out lustily as his tongue met her sensitive flesh. He lavished her swollen lips and bud with
his kisses and strokes, driving her quickly into orgasm.
He pulled himself away swiftly and freed his hardened cock from
its confines. He caught her wrists and
pulled them upwards beside her head as he took possession of her mouth.
She moaned against him and returned his kisses with
fervor. “Oh Howie, I love you so
much.”
He released her hands and pulled her thighs up into his strong
hands and entered her quickly. She
locked her arms around his neck and devoured his lips as he thrust into her
with more passion and longing than she’d ever felt. Her mind grew dizzy from his kisses and his forceful
pounding. With a strangled cry, he
pushed into her one last time as he emptied his love into her.
They stayed like that for several minutes, breathing deeply
against the other’s neck as they regained control of their breathing. Michelle finally pulled her head back and
kissed him gently on the lips. “I love
you, Howie Dorough, don’t ever think otherwise.”
He closed his eyes tightly and nodded several times, “I know,
Beauty, I love you, no matter what.” He released her legs and she slid down
along him. He opened his eyes and
smiled at her flushed face. “I’m telling
the world today that I am a happily married man and no matter what you say or
what you do with Kevin, is going to stop that.
I’ve tried telling you so many times lately that I understand about
Kevin and you can blame me for encouraging you both. So stop blaming yourself and stop feeling guilty for hurting me.”
“Why, Howie? Why are
you accepting this? Why are you
encouraging us? I just don’t understand.”
She watched him smile as he readjusted his clothing, shaking her head in
bewilderment at his ease with the situation.
He bent down and gently pulled her panties back on for her.
“Two people I love dearly are each other’s soul mates. We’ve known this from the beginning,
Michelle. Yet, you chose me to fall in
love with and spend the rest of your life with. You may have slept with Kevin today, but it didn’t take away your
love or desires for me, did it?”
She shook her head in response and wrapped her arms around him
tightly. “I’ll never stop loving or
desiring you, Howie…never!”
“Then let’s go get interviewed!” His smile was glorious and he
kept it trained on her until hers finally equaled his.
*******
It was a Tuesday morning when Michelle awoke to find Howie
already gone from their hotel room.
They’d been on the road for fifteen days and she had to think for a few
moments of exactly where they were once again.
The flurry of interviews, dinners, meetings and such had started to
overwhelm her. She was suddenly thrust
into the limelight that her husband found invigorating, but to her it was still
too new and she felt homesick.
She ordered a carafe of coffee from room service, took a quick
shower and then wrapped herself in a luxurious bathrobe, compliments of the
hotel. After making up the bed, she
strolled out to the balcony and sipped her coffee as thoughts of her daughter,
Kevin, AJ and the rest of her family drifted through her mind. She missed them all so much. Even the daily phone calls didn’t ease the
longing she felt for their presence.
She sighed and went back into the room and dialed Howie’s cell
phone. Since he was going to be on the
west coast anyways, he was elected by the group to meet up with Nigel Dick to
discuss his producing a new video for them.
“Good morning, Beauty.”
“Hi, babe, I’m not interrupting, am I?” She curled back up on the bed and twirled
the phone cord around her fingers. “I’m
missing you already.”
His familiar chuckle warmed her heart, “Of course not,
hon. I’m sorry I left without waking
you, but I did kiss you several times and you didn’t move an inch.”
“Well, Mr. Popularity, you’ve wiped me out with all your
partying. I don’t know how you manage
to keep on going the way you do.
Fifteen days on the road with you and I’m beat. I love it though, I love being with you
every second of the day. I love seeing
you so happy, Howie.”
He pushed back his chair and indicated to the other gentlemen
that he’d be with them in a moment.
Striding across the room, he beamed at her last sentence, but he didn’t
miss the exhaustion in her voice. “Just
a few more days, honey, and then we’ll be home. I’m sorry everything has been so hectic and I should have eased
you into this more so. I tend to forget
you aren’t as used to the lifestyle.”
“Don’t be sorry, How, I’m not complaining, really.” She chuckled slightly and decided to change
the subject. “How’s the meeting going?”
“Great, as we had hoped.
Nigel has agreed to work with us again and we’re throwing some ideas
back and forth. Are you sure you don’t
want me to come pick you up afterwards and come to the other meetings with
me?”
“Thanks, babe, but I’m sure.
I really want to check out the shops here and get Kim some presents and
just act like a real tourist. Will I
see you here in time for dinner?” Howie
assured her he’d be back by four o’clock and they’d make their evening plans
then.
After their conversation was finished, Michelle remained on the
bed and stared off into space. She
honestly was happy for him, and being with him, but. . . something was
missing.
She reached back and dialed the telephone again. “Hey, Kev.”
“Sweetie? What’s wrong?” Kevin knew instinctively by the tone
of her voice that something was troubling her.
She giggled slightly, “Nothing’s wrong, I just miss you.”
He was silent for a brief moment as his heart swelled with
love. “I miss you more. How’s LA?”
“It’s great. Howie’s
off to the meeting with Nigel and says it’s going well. How’s my baby?”
“Excellent, she just took off with my mom for the mall.” Kevin and Kimberly had flown down to
Kentucky over the weekend to spend time with his family. Ann Richardson had met both Michelle and
Kimberly over Easter and had fallen in love with the young girl. “I’m sure they’ll be gone for hours. My mother totally adores your daughter, you
know.”
Michelle smiled into the phone and thought fondly of his mother
as well. “What about you? What have you
been up to?” She had the strongest
desire to see him, have her body wrapped up in his strong embrace.
“Babe, what are you doing?
You sound so sad.” He knew her
too well. “Do you have any coffee
left?”
She glanced at the carafe on the cart at the foot of the
bed. “Yup.”
“Okay, get off the bed, pour yourself a fresh cup. When was the
last time you had a cigarette?”
She crawled off the bed with a smile and raised an eyebrow at
his latest question. “Oh, about three
days ago, why?”
“Cause I bet you really want one.” His quiet laugh warmed
her. “Go get them out of your bag,
cause I know you have a stash somewhere.
Then take your coffee and cigarettes and go curl up in the chair by the
window.”
“Huh, how’d you know there was a chair by the window?” she
laughed as she did as instructed.
“Babe, I’ve been in a thousand hotels, seen one, seen them
all. Wait! Don’t forget Howie’s pillow.”
“You remember that?” she asked quietly as she walked across the
room and pulled the pillow Howie had slept on the night before into her
arms. She had told Kevin several months
ago how when she was missing Howie, she’d take his pillow and snuggle up with
it.
“I remember everything, hon,” he replied, barely above a
whisper.
“Oh Kevin.”
“Now, that should do it.
All comfy now?” She curled up in
the chair, lit a cigarette and then tucked Howie’s pillow beside her and leaned
against it.
“No, Kevin, I don’t have you here with me, cuddled up behind me
and holding me tight. Then it would be
perfect.”
“I love you, babe.”
“I love you too, Kev. I
really miss you and Kim and everyone else.”
A few silent tears slipped down her cheeks and she wiped them off with
frustration. “I’m sorry, babe, I shouldn’t
be acting like such a baby, I’m just homesick.”
He felt her anguish and longed to pull her into his arms to
comfort her. “I know, darling, it won’t
be long now until you’re back. We’ll
all meet up in Nantucket on Saturday and we’ll have one hell of a party, you’ll
see. I’ll make sure everyone is there.”
She smiled through her tears and drew on her cigarette. “Kevin, how is it you always manage to make
me feel better?”
“We’re two of a kind, hon.
I’m lonely without you too, you know?
I need you so bad. I miss you so
much.”
“You better stop right there, or you’ll have us both in tears
in a second. I’m going out and I’m
buying you the best present for being my best friend. Will you have Kim call me later?”
They finished their conversation and Michelle hung up the phone
feeling somewhat better, having spoken to the two men she loved most in the
world within the last half hour.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Michelle did spend her day shopping. Normally shopping wasn’t a passion for her, but once she hit
Rodeo Drive she was definitely in the mood for it. She only wished AJ was there with her. She found several little trinkets for Kimberly and a couple of
pop star posters that she didn’t yet have.
For Howie, she found a gorgeous thumb ring. She left it with the retailer to be engraved and then moved on to
the next shop. There she found the most
exquisite black merino v-neck sweater for Kevin and an oriental themed
sleeveless leather vest for AJ. She
continued on and bought gifts for everyone and finally returned to pick up the
ring. It was almost four thirty when
she returned to the hotel to find Howie lounging on the sofa wearing nothing
but a black tank and his boxer shorts.
“Whoa! What an incredibly delightful sight you are, Mr.
Dorough.” She placed her bags on the
bed and then settled herself down onto his lap. His hair hung loose and was still damp from his shower. She twirled a lock between her fingers
before leaning in to kiss him. “You
look very comfortable.”
“Hmm, I am,” he mumbled before pulling her in for a more
passionate kiss. “Damn, I missed you
today.”
Pulling away quickly, she jumped off his lap and ran to the
bed. “I bought you something today,”
she said excitedly.
Howie came up behind her as she was scrounging through her bags
and placed his hands on her hips, allowing them to slide seductively down along
her thighs.
“Howie!” she moaned as the instantaneous tingling sensations
shot through her body. She pushed all
the bags to the floor before turning around and clutching his shirt. “Don’t you ever run out of energy?” she
managed to ask hoarsely just before his lips crushed down onto hers once
again.
“Never!” he replied after a few moments and then slowly
unzipped the back of her dress.
A couple hours later they lay entwined in each others arms with
the bed coverings mussed around them.
Michelle absorbed every word he spoke as he relayed the events of his
day. She excitedly agreed with him
about the concepts they’d settled on for the new video. Howie had managed to reach all of the guys
and it was arranged that Nigel and his crew would arrive in Nantucket in two
weeks to film the video.
“So, we’re off to Denver tomorrow?” she asked after a
comfortable lull in their conversation, her fingers drawing soft patterns
across his chest.
“I’m off to Denver tomorrow and you are off to Kentucky
tomorrow,” he replied as he rolled to his side and rested his head on his hand
to look down at her. He smiled at her
initial expression of delight and then watched as she changed it to one of
confusion.
“Kentucky? Me? No, Howie, I’m staying with you. I want to stay with you.” She gazed into his
eyes and wrapped her arm around him possessively. “I’ll see Kimberly and Kevin on Saturday.”
“Beauty, I know you miss them and I want you to go. I’m the one that suggested it to Kevin and
only then did he tell me how much you missed them. Please, babe, don’t argue.
I’ve loved having you with me every minute, but I want you to go to
Kentucky and just relax for the next few days.
I know you’re worn out.” He dipped his head and kissed her nose. “The
meetings in Denver and Nashville are just about the real estate business and
you’ll be bored silly anyway.”
“I will not.” She countered quickly, “I love your businesses,
Howie. You know that.”
“I do, hon, believe me, but I still want you to go to Kevin and
Kimmie. They miss you so much. I’ve hogged you from them for over two
weeks.” He playfully drew his fingers
across her collarbone and delighted in the shivers it produced from her.
“But. . . “
“No buts, you’re going and you’re going to have a great
time. Kevin said he’d take you riding
and I could hear Kim in the background begging for you to come.”
“She was? God, I do miss her.”
She thought for a few moments about her daughter and then just as
playfully, shoved Howie onto his back and straddled his waist. “Okay, I’ll go, but you better be prepared
to make sure I don’t forget how incredibly sexy you are.”
The mischievous grin that appeared on his face told her right
off that he’d make damn sure she wouldn’t forget. He quickly twisted them so that she was once again on her back,
tucked securely beneath his hard body. “You might be sorry in the morning,
Beauty, when you have trouble walking.“
“I’ll never be sorry for anything you do to me,” she murmured
against his neck as her hands slid down to caress his firm ass.
Twenty-four hours later she was anxiously waiting for the plane
to make its final descent into Lexington.
She was excited, nervous, and anxious to see Kevin, who assured her he’d
be waiting for her.
Moments later, she gathered her two black leather carry-on bags
and literally ran off the plane. When
she reached the end of the walkway she noticed him immediately, leaning
sluggishly against the wall, hat pulled down low and sunglasses covering his
beautiful eyes. She stopped and stared
at him with a wide grin before slowly walking towards him. His own smile matched hers and he casually
pushed himself away from the wall and walked towards her.
“Get over here, you,” he said gruffly when they were ten feet
apart. She dropped her bags carelessly
beside her and flew into his open arms.
He buried his face against her neck and inhaled her essence, drowning in
the fact that she was actually in his arms.
“God, I’ve missed you.”
She squeezed her arms around his neck and kissed the side of
his head, “Get me out of here, Kevin, so I can kiss you properly.” Despite the
late hour, there were still far too many people mulling around to chance
kissing him in public.
He chuckled against her and put her down. “Let’s go get your bags.” He held her hand tightly as they walked back
over to her discarded luggage. “You have any more at baggage claim?”
She shook her head and smiled, “Nope.”
“Let’s get outta here then.”
They walked quickly through the airport and out towards the parking
garage, neither one needing to speak, just relishing in the presence of the
other.
When they finally reached his truck, Kevin unlocked the back
and tossed her bags in one at a time, never letting go of her hand. He then guided her to the passenger side and
opened the door for her. As she slid
past him, she turned and wrapped her arms around his torso and tilted her head
up to look at him. He gazed down at her
with shining eyes and cupped her face.
“I’ve been going crazy all day waiting for this moment.” His eyes scanned her face and finally
settled on her lips. “God, babe, I love
you so much.” He bent his head then and sprinkled her face with a dozen little
kisses, deliberately prolonging the moment until finally settling on her
slightly parted lips. She matched his
desperate moan and kissed him back with fervor. The annoying sounds of
advancing footsteps finally broke them from their hold on each other.
The drive away from the airport was made in companionable
silence. Michelle sat sideways in her
seat and kept her eyes trained on his handsome face and a hand resting
contentedly on his leg. He had the
radio playing softly and she hummed along quietly. He often turned his head to gaze at her and smile.
"We’re going to get in an accident if you don’t keep your
eyes on the road," she observed, with a smile, after the fifth time.
He laughed heartily and clutched her hand tightly. "I can’t help it, I can’t believe you
are finally here." He swung into
the far right lane and took the next exit off the highway with ease. "We’ll be there in just a few
minutes."
A short time later he pulled up to the front entrance of a
hotel, "This certainly isn’t what I imagined your mother’s house to look
like," she commented teasingly and turned to look out the side
window.
He brought the truck to a stop and dug a room key card from his
back pocket and handed it to her.
"I lied to my mother and Kim, told them you weren’t
arriving ‘til tomorrow morning," he said with a wry grin. She raised her eyebrows and unbuckled her
seat belt quickly before leaning over and kissing him roughly.
"You are devious, but brilliant," she replied and
started to open her door. He quickly
caught her arm and pulled her back towards him and engulfed her in his
embrace. His lips caught hers and they
both moaned huskily as he pressed her back against the seat. After a few minutes of heavy making out, he
released her, leaned over and opened the door for her.
"Hurry inside, I’ll park around the back and meet you up
there. I’ll get your bags." She nodded eagerly, grabbed her handbag and
jumped out of the truck.
The lobby of the hotel was quiet and she easily found the
elevators and made her way up to their room. Once inside, she just stood and stared at the queen sized bed and
felt a rush of anticipation and excitement for the evening ahead.
Within moments, Kevin entered the room and had his arms around
her. She turned towards him and they
stood in a tight embrace for several minutes.
"Are you hungry, hon?" he asked quietly. She shook her head against his chest and
tightened her arms around him.
"I don’t want anything but your arms around me,
Kevin. I’ve missed you so. I’ve missed seeing your smile and hearing
your laugh and feeling of your kisses on me." She stood on tiptoe and kissed his jaw as her arms moved up
around his neck. "I’ve missed
running my fingers through your messy hair, and being able to read your moods
by just taking one quick look at your face.
I’ve missed the sound of your hushed voice close to my ear, and the way
you make me feel so safe in your arms."
She ran her hands along his shoulders and down his hard arms, causing
him to shiver slightly. "I’ve
missed your scent and the sound of my name on your lips." Her fingers trailed back up his arms and
over and across his chest. She rested
her palm gently against him and felt his heart beating its rhythmic song. She raised her eyes finally to meet his and
gasped slightly when she noticed they were brilliant with unshed tears. She brought her hands back up and gently
traced her thumbs around his eyes.
"Why are you about to cry?"
He swallowed the small lump in his throat and lifted her up
into his arms and carried her over to the sofa. He turned and sat down, with her straddling his lap, and then
kissed her with all the passion he could no longer contain.
Breaking away slowly, he moved his lips along her jaw line and
down along her neck. "I just love
you so much and can’t believe you are actually here with me. You should be with Howie, but he sent you to
me. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude
towards him and I’m drowning in love for you.
Oh, Michelle. . "
His words faded away as her lips found his once again and all
further conscious thoughts escaped him as her tongue slid smoothly between his
lips. He groaned with deep-rooted
desire and clung desperately to her compliant body as she commenced a low
moaning of her own.
“Oh Kevin . . don’t stop, don’t ever stop.”
And he didn’t. . .
*******
The morning dawned too quickly, but Michelle awakened fully
once those first conscious moments hit.
She felt his warm muscular body leaning half over her, his arm wrapped
tightly around her abdomen, his right leg flung possessively across her
own. She snuggled her backside tighter
against him and entwined her fingers in his large hand, sighing
contentedly.
Knowing he could sleep for ages, she eventually eased out of
the bed and made her way into the bathroom to shower and dress. She slipped quietly from the room and found
a small coffee shop in the lobby.
Settling herself at a corner table, she lit a cigarette and
sipped gratefully on a steaming cup of coffee.
With a quick glance at her watch, she pulled her cell phone from her bag
and called Howie.
“Good morning, baby,” she cooed into the slim black
device. “It’s not too early there, is
it?”
Howie groaned slightly and rolled over onto his back with a
pleasant smile. “It’s never too early,
Beauty, to be woken up by you.” He felt
his heart quicken at the sound of her soft laughter. “How are you, baby?”
“I’m wonderful, Howie, thank you so much for sending me
here. I feel. . . I don’t know, I feel
complete. Oh Howie, I do miss you
already though. This is the first
morning in almost a month that I don’t wake up to see your gorgeous face next
to mine. I’m missing your kisses.”
Howie smiled widely at her words and wished he hadn’t sent her
to Kentucky. “I miss you too, Beauty,
but if you can’t have me, you’ve got Kevin.”
He winced slightly at his own words, funny how they came out so easily
and with no malice.
“Oh How, it’s not the same though, I want you too. This is too weird, isn’t it? While I’m with one of you, I’m missing the
other desperately.” She drew on her cigarette and then rolled the ashes around
in the ashtray in front of her. “I’m
sorry.”
He drew in his breath and struggled to sit up without dropping
the phone. “Don’t be sorry, babe, for
being honest. I wouldn’t want you any
other way.”
“Are you being honest with me, D?”
He strolled over to the hotel room window and pulled the heavy
drapes aside to gaze outside. “Yes,
Beauty, I’m being honest. I love you
and I want you to be happy.”
“But are you happy? I know you are when we are together, but. .
. “
“Michelle, I’m very happy.
Please don’t start.” He leaned
his head against the cool glass and sighed quietly. “We’re doing what’s best for the three of us, you know?”
She wanted to agree with him, and at times did, but in her
heart, she knew this wasn’t the best for him or Kevin. “I love you, How.”
“And I love you. Now,
what time does your plane supposedly get in?”
She gasped at his words, and laughed quickly.
“Do you and Kevin tell each other everything?”
Howie pushed himself away from the window with a lighter heart,
“Absolutely, we promised each other a few weeks ago that there would be no
secrets. That way no one gets hurt.”
“Oh Howie.”
“Don’t “Oh Howie” me.” He said with a hearty laugh, “What
time?”
“Eleven o’clock. What
about you? When’s John coming in?” Howie and his brother, John, were meeting in
Denver with potential investors for an upcoming development along the gulf
coast. They continued chatting for
several more minutes before deciding on a time to speak again that
evening.
Afterwards, Michelle called Nantucket and chatted with Aaron
and AJ, as they were the only two awake.
Finally, she bought two large coffees and headed back up to the room
that Kevin lay sleeping in.
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
Michelle and Kevin arrived at his Kentucky home to find his
mother rushing frantically around the house.
While Kimberly and Michelle hugged each other desperately, Kevin got his
mom to sit for a moment and explain her panic.
“Oh Kevin,
I’m so sorry about the timing and all, but I’ve got to go to my cousin Libby’s,
right now. That no good husband of hers
is giving her grief and has packed up and left her. You know I love her like a sister and I can’t bear to have her
alone at a time like this.” Ann
Richardson sighed deeply and stood up once again. “Where’s Michelle? I feel
so bad she’s just arrived and I have to zip off.”
Kevin was torn between chuckling at his mother’s rare display
of anxiety and her obvious remorse.
“Don’t feel bad, Mom, she’ll understand.”
Kimberly and Michelle entered the living room and Ann caught
Michelle in a big hug. “Darling, it’s so wonderful to see you, but I can’t
stay.” She pulled back and smiled
affectionately at the younger woman. “I
must say that marriage has done wonders for you. You are absolutely glowing!”
Michelle smiled brightly at her and cast a quick glance at
Kevin. “Thanks, Ann. I’ve never been
happier. I have the best husband anyone
could ask for. I’ve got my baby girl by
my side and I’m with my very best friend in the whole world.” She held out her hand for Kevin and squeezed
it tightly as she looked up at him with love pouring from her eyes.
Ann looked back and forth between them quickly and felt a pang
in her heart. <I>They would have made a beautiful couple . .
. </I>
Several hours later Kimberly, Michelle and Kevin were sprawled
out in the living room, their bellies full of Chinese take out. “I can’t believe how tired I am,” Michelle
groaned as she crawled on the sofa towards Kevin. She snuggled against his side and sighed happily. “Swimming, riding, shopping and eating; what
more could a girl ask for to fill her days?”
Kevin ducked his head quickly and whispered in her ear, “I can
think of a couple more things.” His lips met the smooth skin below her ear and
then he lazily drew his tongue along her flesh causing a warm tingle to flow
through her.
“You tease,” she whispered as he pulled away with a grin.
“Start the movie, Kevin!” whined a tired Kimberly as she pulled
herself from the floor to curl up in the easy chair adjacent to Kevin. He chuckled and tossed her a cotton throw
from the back of the couch to curl up with.
“Taking lessons from Nick, Kim?”
She lifted her blue eyes to look up at him and grinned, “No,
from AJ! Nick doesn’t whine as much as
he does. All I hear is ‘Come on, Patti,
I’m tired, let’s go upstairs,’ or ‘Nick, I’m bored, let’s shoot some
pool.’ All day long! That boy doesn’t know when to stop.”
Michelle and Kevin laughed at Kimberly’s all too accurate
description of AJ. The movie started
and Michelle fell asleep almost immediately, comfortably nestled against
Kevin. A half hour later, his left hand
was still slowly caressing the top of her head as he watched the scenes on the
television.
“You love her, don’t you, Kevin?”
Kevin turned his eyes in surprise towards Kimberly and caught
her gazing at them peacefully. He
nodded and smiled at the sleepy girl.
“Very much so, Squirt.”
“Do you love her like Howie does?” she questioned softly,
watching his hand gently stroking her mother’s hair.
“Yeah, I do.” He looked
back down at Michelle and smiled, “I can’t help it.”
Kim nodded thoughtfully and turned her eyes back towards the
television, “Does she love you as much as she loves Howie?”
Kevin shivered slightly and wished that she did. “Not quite, Kim, but close, I think.”
Kimberly seemed to be focusing on the movie; however, her mind
was full of questions. Questions she
wasn’t sure if she should be asking or not.
“Then why didn’t you marry her first?” she asked hesitantly, avoiding
his eyes.
Kevin looked back over towards her and felt his heart
breaking. He reached his hand over and
brushed it across her dark blonde head.
“I was too late, Kim. I didn’t
realize how much I did love her until it was too late.” He waited to see her reaction, but she kept
her gaze averted from him. “Are you
okay, Squirt? Does it bother you that I
love her too?”
Kim finally twisted in her seat and turned towards him, resting
her chin on the arm of the chair. She
remained silent for a few moments, just staring at him. She finally smiled and shook her head. “No, I don’t mind Kevin. She needs all the love she can get and I’m
glad it’s you and Howie that are giving it to her.”
Kevin felt a wave of relief course through him and gently
brushed his fingers across her cheek.
“I love you too, Squirt, very much.
We all do, you know?”
She broke out into a huge grin and nodded, “I know Kev. Don’t worry, I feel the love.” She rolled her eyes and plopped herself back
into her prior position, snuggling beneath her blanket. “I wonder if Aaron has seen this movie? I bet he has. He’s all googly eyes over
Kirsten Dunst.”
Kevin laughed lightly and tightened his embrace around
Michelle, while still keeping his other hand entwined in Kimberly’s locks. <I>Ah,
this is the way life should be.
</I>
An hour
later, Michelle awoke and yawned against Kevin’s chest. Her eyes fluttered opened and focused on his
crotch, and the hand she had innocently lying there. Giggling to herself, she twisted around so that she was facing
him and looked up into his eyes. “I had
the best dream about you,” she whispered with a dreamy smile playing on her
lips. He grinned and bent down to kiss
her nose. She snuggled closer to him
and sighed contentedly.
“Was it a
sex dream?” he asked playfully in a hushed voice as his finger teasingly parted
her lips.
She nodded
eagerly and pulled herself up onto his lap fully, wrapping her arms around his
neck. “I’ll show you later!” Her eyes suddenly widened and she quickly
turned towards her daughter. Relief was
evident as she noticed Kimberly sound asleep. “Oh thank god, I forgot where I
was for a moment.” She turned back
towards Kevin and his lips crushed down upon hers quickly. She moaned slightly and tightened her hold
on him as the kiss deepened. His hand
came around from her ribs and lightly cupped her breast. “Oh god, Kevin, I better get Kim up to bed
before I end up losing all resolve and ravishing you right here and now.” He groaned deeply against her throat before
helping her off his lap.
“Want some
help?” he asked as she gently shook her daughter awake.
“Nah, I’m
all set. I won’t be long.” She walked the tired child from the room and
up the stairs. Kevin busied himself by
shutting off the television and then locking up the house.
“Mom?”
“Yes,
baby?” Kimberly allowed Michelle to pull a long t-shirt over her thin frame.
“Kevin
loves you like Howie does.” Her sleepy
voice reminiscent of when she was only a toddler and knew not what she was
saying. Michelle smiled in fond remembrance,
and tucked the not so little girl into bed.
“I know,
baby.”
Kimberly
fell back asleep immediately. Michelle
lay down next to her and gazed upon her daughter with much love. She watched her for a short time, gently
running her hand across the child’s cheek.
She then bent over to kiss her forehead. “I love you.”
“Love you
too,” mumbled Kimberly. Michelle
chuckled to herself, amazed how the child always responded in kind.
With every
intention of taking a quick shower to wash off the day’s activities, Michelle
entered her own room and gathered together fresh clothing. When she entered the large, tastefully
decorated bathroom, her eyes settled upon the bathtub with longing. Her legs and bottom were aching slightly
from the horseback riding earlier in the day.
It had been years since she’d ridden and while she had enjoyed it
thoroughly, her body was starting to feel the ill effects. With a quick glance back out to the hallway,
she shrugged her shoulders and decided Kevin could wait a few extra minutes.
Kevin
himself was just emerging from his own welcome shower when the telephone rang.
“Hello.”
“Hey,
Train, how’s it going?”
“Hey
Howie, how are ya? I can’t thank you
enough for agreeing to have Michelle come down. It was a perfect day.” He
quickly toweled off with one hand and slowly drew on a pair of cotton
drawstring pants.
Howie
smiled broadly at his end of the phone and leaned back against the headboard of
his bed in yet another hotel room.
“Glad to hear it, Kev. I’m
freaking beat. I can’t believe I’m
actually sick of all this running around.
It’s not the same without her.”
His smile faded as he looked around his empty room.
“Aw, D,
I’m sorry. Here I am, happy as a pig in
shit and you’re suffering because of it.”
Kevin sat down on the side of his bed and ran his free hand through his
damp hair.
“Stop! I didn’t call to make you down, Kev. I shouldn’t have even called. I’m just missing her, that’s all. On the one hand, I’m fine with this
situation, because it makes you both happy, but on the other. . . “
“I know,
D. Listen. Why don’t you fly out tonight and come here? I know she misses you very much. I’ve had my night and day with her and I’m
grateful for that, honestly.” Kevin’s
sigh of remorse filtered through to Howie.
“I’ve put you in an awkward position and the last thing I want to do is
make you suffer from it. Well, no more
so than I’ve already done.”
Howie
thought quietly a moment before responding, “Thanks Kevin, but no. I’m being a big baby here. The meetings were unproductive, I’m tired
and John’s being a pain in the ass trying to get me to go down to the bar with
him so he can pick up some chicks.” He
chuckled lightly and shook his head. “I
just need sleep. I want you and
Michelle to have this time together.
God knows, it’ll be messy enough once we all get back together. We’ll have to discuss that later as I don’t
want her to be torn between the two of us.”
Kevin
nodded his head in silent agreement.
“Yeah, I know Howie. Anyway, you
want to talk to her?”
“Yeah.”
Kevin took
the phone to Michelle’s room and found it empty. “Where the hell did she go?”
He peeked into Kim’s room and saw Kim sleeping soundly all alone. “Kim has been so great, but she misses Aaron
like you wouldn’t believe.” He smiled
affectionately as he closed the door once again.
“Did she
show you that song he wrote her?” Howie asked as he rummaged through his bag
for some clean clothing.
Kevin
snorted as he walked down the hall towards the bathroom, “Yeah, it was kinda cheesy
but sweet all in all.” He nudged the
bathroom door open and saw Michelle immersed in the tub full of bubble bath.
“Hon, you sleeping?”
Not
opening her eyes, she smiled and shook her head. “Just recalling my wonderful day, babe. The only thing missing was Howie.”
Having
overheard her, Howie dropped the shirt he’d just pulled from the bag and sat
down on the edge of the bed with a huge sigh of relief. “God, I love her.”
Kevin
smiled with his own relief as he crossed the room. Kneeling beside the tub, he ran his fingers down her neck. She mewed in pleasure at his soft
touch.
“Well, I
can’t give you Howie right now, but I can give you the phone.”
Her eyes
shot open and a beautiful smile appeared on her face. “He’s on the phone?”
Kevin
grinned and handed it to her. She took
it with relish. “Howie? Oh baby, I’ve missed you so!” Kevin moved to get up but Michelle quickly
switched the phone into her left hand and caught the leg of Kevin’s pants with
her right. “Don’t go.” She mouthed to
him. He knelt back down and fished the
big aqua sponge from the soapy water.
“How was your day, babe?”
While
Howie and Michelle conversed, Kevin concentrated on washing the entire length
of her right leg. Her fingers rested
gently along his ribs and matched his long slow strokes against her wet skin. When the sponge moved to her other leg, her
hand moved across his back as he leaned further over the side of the tub.
“Howie,
I’m getting old. My legs and ass are
aching from riding today.”
“You’d
think with all the riding you do on me, you’d be well used to it.”
She
burst out laughing. The combination of
Howie’s voice and Kevin’s hands caused fierce sparks of desire to course
through her body.
“Oh
god,” she moaned as Howie continued to teasingly describe how well she mounts
him. Kevin’s hands moved over her
thighs and she groaned with ecstasy.
CHAPTER
FORTY-THREE
With a sly
grin, Kevin hoisted himself to his feet and tossed the bath sponge into the
foamy water. Michelle looked up at him
in surprise as the splash from the sponge sent droplets of water into her
face. “Where you going?”
“I’ll let
you finish your conversation in privacy.” He winked at her and strode from the
bathroom.
“Tease!”
She shouted after him and then laughed into the phone.
Fifteen
minutes later, Michelle said her good byes to Howie and pulled herself out of
the cooling water. As she dried off,
she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the vanity mirror and marveled at the
happy, tanned, glowing woman looking back at her. As she released her long hair from it’s clip, she continued to
stare at herself and wondered yet again how she ended up with a perfect husband
who loved her so much that he sent her across the country to spend time with
her lover.
A flash of
guilt shot through her and she gripped the edge of the vanity and quickly
closed her eyes. She knew it was
wrong. Having such incredible,
fulfilling intimate relationships with two wonderful men was all so very
wrong. Someone was going to get deeply
hurt. It was inevitable. Yet, why was
she so happy?
<I>Why
am I allowing this? Why am I doing this to Howie? Why am I letting Kevin set himself up for further heartache? He
needs more than this. They both need
more than this, more than just half of me.
What do I do? I love them both more than life itself. I’m happy being Howie’s wife. He’s my everything. Then why do I love Kevin so much too? He
makes me feel safe. Oh Christ! Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I’m pathetic. Stop! Stop it! As wrong as it all is, it just feels so right.
</I>
With a
quick shake of her head, she forced away the depressing guilt-ridden thoughts
and dressed quickly in a pair of satiny boxers and a matching chemise. She straightened up the mess she had made,
took one last admiring glance at the soothing room and then went to find Kevin.
“Kev? You in here?” she asked softly as she inched
open his bedroom door. He was
comfortably settled in the middle of his big bed, propped up by several
pillows. A small platter of leftover Chinese
food nestled on his lap.
With his
mouth full and the television’s remote control in one hand, he could only grin
at her and wave her in with the teriyaki stick in his right hand. She climbed on the bed and crawled over his
outstretched legs. “I can’t believe
you’re eating again.” She settled
herself against his, plucked a piece of boneless spare rib from the plate and
popped it in her mouth. <I>I do love him. I can’t help it. </I>
In
response, he grinned devilishly and pulled her up tight against his side. Tossing the remote on her lap, he ran his
warm hand up and down her back. “I’m
just storing up some energy for later.”
He bent his head down and kissed her lips. “Yum.”
She picked
another piece of pork off the plate and drew it up along his bare chest before
popping in into her mouth. “Oops.” She
leaned over and slowly licked off the faint trail of sauce, smiling innocently
when finished. He moaned and tangled
his fist into her silky hair. “Sorry about that Kev,” she murmured before turning
her attention to the TV. “So what are
we watching, babe?”
Kevin
swiftly pulled the platter from his lap and rolled over to place it on the
floor. Michelle started giggling at him
and before she could pull herself upright, he was tugging her hips down the bed
and straddling her. Catching her hands
in his, he drew them up beside her head and hovered over her.
With eyes
full of mischief, he licked his lips and leaned closer still. “Watching? We’re
not watching anything, I’m still hungry.”
He tantalizingly readjusted his hips over hers and smirked as her eyes
narrowed in desire.
“Oh Kevin.
. .“ she moaned as he hardened against her.
“And I
think you taste a lot better than beef or pork any day.” He nuzzled her neck and then drew his tongue
down along her collarbone, as his fingers slowly caressed the length of her
smooth arms.
Yearning
for the overwhelming sensations that his simple touch brought to her soul, she
ground her body against his and whispered, “I love being with you, Kevin.” His
arms surrounded her and held tightly as their lips met in a blazing kiss.
The next
morning, Kimberly woke up bright and early.
After peeking in her mother’s room and noticing that her bed had not
been slept in, she quietly made her way down the hall and edged Kevin’s bedroom
door open. Squinting her eyes against
the bright sunshine that flowed through the windows, she turned her gaze
towards the bed and saw her mother and Kevin wrapped up in each other’s
arms. With a knowing smirk, she eased
the door closed and ran back down the hall before bursting out in a fit of
giggles.
Taking a
moment to regain her composure, she sat down heavily on the top step and pushed
her tangled locks behind her ears.
Thinking out loud, she said, “Wow, my mom is such a playa!” Feeling the laughter bubbling up within her
once again, she peered down at the stairs below her and momentarily considered
bumping the rest of the way down on her butt.
Rolling her eyes and shaking her head at her flickering thoughts of
immaturity, she muttered, “Geez, Kim, how old are you? Three? Four? Get your
lazy ass up and walk down the stairs.”
Kevin
awoke as the faint sounds of laughter filtered through his hazy senses. Struggling to open his heavy eyelids, he
tried placing the sounds with his surroundings. At the shrill of a high-pitched giggle, he smiled and
remembered. He opened his eyes and
looked down at the woman in his arms.
<I>I
open my eyes, I see your face, I cannot hide, I can't erase, the way you make
me feel inside</I>
He started
softly singing the song that seemed to just flow through his brain. He scooted down a little in the bed until
his face was level with hers.
<I>You
complete me girl, that's why, Something about you makes me feel, Baby my heart
wants to reveal, I'm down on my knees, I'm asking you, Say these three words I
wanna hear from you</I>
Michelle
slowly opened her eyes and stared into his with sadness. “Don’t Kev.
Don’t go on.”
“I’ll skip
the chorus then.” He said quietly and brushed his lips across hers.
<I>This
is no ordinary love, And I can never have enough, Of all the things you've
given to me, You're my heart, my soul, my everything, </I>
A tear
slipped from the corner of her eye. She
pulled him close and held his head against her neck. “Please baby, stop. I
love you so much but I can’t say those three words to you.”
He nodded
against her and held onto her tightly.
<I>Oh god, why can’t I have
her all for my very own.</I>
“I’m
sorry, babe,” she whispered into his hair, her heart breaking for her very best
friend, her lover. “If things were
different, you know I’d say anything, do anything you wanted.” She felt his faint shuddering against her. “I’d give you everything, every part of
me. I’d make you mine forever and
ever. But I can’t, babe. I just can’t. I love Howie too much.
God, I’m so sorry.” She ran her
hands across his shoulders and through his long hair. “I’m so sorry.”
When
Kimberly entered the kitchen, she turned on the small radio sitting on the
counter. “What the hell is this crap?”
she asked herself while scrounging through the refrigerator as some boring
country singer droned on about his pathetic love life and the loss of his dog.
Despite
the early hour, she pulled a can of soda out and slurped noisily knowing she
could because no adults were hanging over her shoulder, as was the usual. She hoisted herself up on the counter and
looked around the room without actually seeing it. Her thoughts were filled with mischief.
<I>Now, how much fun would it be to go running into
Kevin’s room and jump on the bed like an innocent little two year old who just
had a bad dream or some crap like that.
Damn! Wouldn’t Mom be pissed and
embarrassed.</I> She started
snorting with devilish glee as she pictured the scene in her head. <I>Shit
man, I need some friends around. Look
how desperate I’m getting hanging out with old heads all freaking week. I’m starting to think like some lame ass
little kid.</I>
Laughing
at her thoughts and deciding that her mood definitely befitted something a
little more rocking than country crap, she reached over to the radio to find a
different station. Just as her fingers
hit the knob, one of her favorite songs started and she immediately pulled away
with a dreamy smile.
All
mischievous thoughts quickly disappeared and she sighed, “Oh My God, this kid
has the most amazing voice!” Knowing each and every word, she couldn’t help but
sing along, as she gazed out the window.
<I>Some
kids have and some kids don't, and some of us are wondering why. And Mom won't watch the news at night,
there's too much stuff that's making her cry.
We
need some help, down here on earth, A thousand prayers, a million words, But
one voice was heard. </I>
Kevin got
his emotions under control and pulled his head up to look at Michelle. “No, I’m sorry. I know that if you weren’t in love with Howie, you’d be all mine. I’m sorry for making you feel bad. I promise it won’t happen again.” He brushed her hair out of her eyes and
kissed her gently. “We have all day
today and tonight together. That’s more
than I deserve.”
“Don’t say
that, Kevin. You deserve so much more
than just this, a few days alone together.
You deserve someone who can give you her whole heart and soul. You . . . “
He
silenced her with another kiss.
“Sssh. I’m happy with what I’ve
got. I love you, baby, and we’re going
to have a wonderful day together.” He
kissed her once more quickly and then threw the covers off and climbed out of
the bed. “Kim’s up, hon. We better get up.”
He
strolled in all his naked glory to the adjoining bathroom. “Kevin! Wait!” Michelle rolled to her left and pulled her clothes from the
floor. “Kevin, please!” She quickly threw her clothes on and went
after him. From the set of his
shoulders and the speed with which he left her, she knew he was hurting. “Kevin?” She tried the handle to the
bathroom door and found it locked.
“Damn it.” The sound of rushing water droned out her voice. She pressed her forehead on the door and
swore again. “God damn it!” After a moment, she pulled herself away and
went to her own room.
Kevin
stood at the kitchen door and listened to the beloved voice of the girl he
wished was his very own child. He
silently watched her sing her heart out along with the young Billy Gilman.
<I>A
house, a yard, a neighborhood, where you can ride your new bike to school. The
kind of world where mom and dad still believe the golden rule. Life's not that simple down here on earth, A
thousand prayers, a million words, but one voice was heard.</I>
Kimberly
happened to turn her head slightly and Kevin pulled himself away from the wall
when he noticed the small glistening tear slide down her cheek. He walked over to the counter and wrapped
his arms around her slim shoulders. She
glanced up at him shyly and quickly wiped the tear away. “Don’t stop singing, Squirt.”
She shook
her head and smiled. “I just love this
song.” She regretted her earlier
thoughts of embarrassing her mom and Kevin.
There were just so many more important things in this world that she
should be thinking of instead.
<I>One
voice, one simple word, Hearts know what to say. One dream can change the
world, keep believing till you find your way.</I>
Kim forgot
her shyness and couldn’t resist singing along again. Kevin leaned his chin on the top of her head and closed his
eyes.
<I>Yesterday
while walking home, I saw some kid on Newbury Road, He pulled a pistol from his
bag and tossed it in the river below.
Thanks
for the help, Down here on Earth. A thousand prayers, a million words, But one
voice was heard. One voice was heard. One voice was heard.
(One
Voice sung by Billy Gilman, written by David Malloy, Don Cook)</I>
“That was
so beautiful,” Kevin said softly into her hair, then gave her a quick squeeze
and pulled away. “Who was it?”
Kim looked
up at him with a shocked expression, “You can’t be serious, Kevin. You don’t know Billy Gilman? He’s only the best singer that ever lived!”
Kevin
chuckled at her and then scratched his chin, “Gilman, eh? I’ve heard of that name.” He looked around in thought for a moment and
then strode over to the kitchen table.
“Ah ha! The Estill County Fair! Featuring one Billy Gilman.” He said with a
flourish and held out the pamphlet to her.
She
screamed in elation and jumped off the counter. “Let me see! Oh My
God! Oh My God!” She jumped up and down and screamed some
more. “The Estill County Fair! Isn’t that where we are going today?”
Kevin
nodded his head, a wide grin firmly planted on his face. “Yup, that’s the plan.” He filled the kettle with water and placed
it on the stove.
“Holy
Shit!” she screamed without care. “I’ve
gotta get ready! What am I going to
wear? Can you get me to meet him? Oh please Kevin! Please! You’re famous,
he’s famous, you see the connection here?
Come on, work with me now!”
Kevin
turned quickly at her outburst with every intention of commenting on her
language, but the pure elation covering her pretty little face wiped away any
reprimands he had been inclined to issue.
“I’ll see
what I can do, Kim. But!”
She
groaned and threw her arms around his waist and hugged him tight. “Oh come on, Kevin!” She put on her best pout and puppy dog
eyes. “No buts!”
“Yes,
buts! No more swearing! Deal?”
“Deal!”
“Okay, go
get ready, Squirt.”
“Thanks,
Kevin. You’re the best!” She released him and flew out of the
room. He turned and pulled two mugs
from the cupboard and shook his head in bewilderment. He grinned when her heard her shout of “YESSS!” come from the top
of the stairs.
CHAPTER
FORTY-FOUR
Michelle
sat on the end of her bed and gently eased the tangles out of her wet hair, her
heart weighing heavily at Kevin’s pain.
Despite his protestations that he was happy with the situation and the
amount of time they had together, she knew better. She knew this wasn’t enough for him and it wasn’t fair to
him. But she couldn’t give him
anymore. What else was left to
give?
She could
never ever even consider giving up Howie for him. Howie was her. . . everything!
The way he looked at her, the way he touched her. They were meant for each other despite their
differences. They flowed together in
mind, spirit and body. Without him,
she’d be lost, Kevin or no Kevin. No
one ever loved her as much as Howie did and he was never afraid to show
it. Just look at what he’d given her to
make sure she was happy? He gave her
Kevin. She never loved anyone as much
as she loved Howie. His soft kisses and
gentle words of love never failed to soothe her troubled soul. He made her laugh. He made her happy. He
made her proud with his endless supply of love and energy, not just for her
either, but for all those around him.
He opened his arms wide and took her into his life with no misgivings. He was incredible. He was amazing.
But
Kevin? Kevin was creeping right up
there in her heart and it scared her.
Sure she finally understood that she had loved him since the beginning,
but to have it be reciprocated and become a reality shook her to her very
core. What could she possibly give him
to prove to him that she did love him more than words could say?
With a
resigned sigh, she tossed the comb on the bed beside her and crossed the room
to the chair in the far right corner to rummage through her bags for clean
clothing. Kevin had stood silently at
the doorway just gazing at her and watching the emotions flicker across her
face. She hadn’t seen him, so lost in
her thoughts she had been. His heart
quickened its pace as he tried to swallow his regret for turning his back on
her earlier. He didn’t mean to, he just
didn’t want to display his anguish in front of her. He knew he was getting the most he’d ever get from her. He couldn’t ask for more, without ripping
the heart out of his friend, Howie.
His sorrow
turned to amusement as he watched her pull clothing out of her bags, examine
and then toss them aside. He grinned at
her inaudible mumblings and then gently set the coffee mug on the dresser
before creeping up behind her. With a tightening in his groin, it was time to
make his presence known.
“I think
you should just wear what you’ve got on.” He murmured into her ear as his hands
slid smoothly around her waist. She
jumped slightly and then grinned.
“You want
me to go out in public in just panties and a bra?” She turned in his arms and
kissed his neck. “You’re kinky!” Her heart soared as his arms tightened
around her and his warmth encased her.
He was okay now.
“You
haven’t seen me be kinky yet, baby!” He quickly scooped her up, took a few
steps back to the door and kicked it shut.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and suckled gently on his warm
skin.
“You going
to show me, babe?”
He growled
lowly as he eased them down on the bed.
“Oh most certainly!” He started
at her neck and nibbled his way to the base of her throat, eliciting soft moans
from her.
“Kevin. .
. we can’t now, we have a fair to go to.
Kimmie. . . ” She murmured while her hands wove themselves through his
soft hair and her body ached to meld into his.
“Shit!”
“Excuse
me?” she asked with a laugh.
He rolled
away from her and sat up with a groan.
“Tim will be here any second.
He’s taking Kim over to the fair early for us. I’ve promised to try and
find some way for her to meet a singer there.”
Michelle
mimicked his groan and flopped back down against the pillows. “You are so good
to her Kevin, but now? You tease me
with your words and lips and then leave me high and dry?”
Kevin
grinned at her and teasingly ran his fingertips down her hip. “Yup, I’m a pussy tease. I’ll be right back. Don’t you dare move while I’m gone.” He
leaned down and ran his tongue across her shoulder causing her to shiver in
anticipation. She knew the right thing
to do would be to get up, get dressed and say goodbye to her daughter and hello
to Tim, but there was no way in hell she was leaving that room right now.
It took
him a good ten minutes before he returned, a phone clamped to his ear. “Great, thanks Deb, call me as soon as you
hear.” He turned the phone off and let
it fall from his hand as his eyes raked over her half naked body. She gazed up at him with a seductive smile,
her right hand slowly massaging the tender flesh between her thighs. Slowly, ever so slowly, he undid the snap of
his jeans and lowered the zipper, never taking his eyes away from hers.
“You
starting without me?” he asked with a sexy smirk as he shed his pants and
crawled between her open legs.
She
grinned and used the heels of her feet to pull him closer. “You were gone too long.” She pulled her hand away from herself but
Kevin caught it quickly. He kissed her
fingertips delicately, one at a time, and then pressed her hand back to where
it had been.
“I like to
see you touching yourself.”
“I like
you touching me more.”
He placed
his hands under the back of her knees and pulled her down, closer to him. She could feel the tip of his erection graze
her inner thigh. “Oooh, Kevin!”
His hand
covered hers again and they both slowly stroked her sensitive labia through the
silkiness of her panties, their eyes locked in an intense stare.
He leaned
over her body and brushed his lips across hers with a sigh. She brought her free hand up and tangled her
fingers through his hair, preventing him from moving away from her lips. With passion building to volatile heights,
they explored and devoured each other’s lips and tongues.
He skimmed
his mouth across her cheek and kissed down along her throat and then pulled the
thin straps of her bra away from her smooth skin with his teeth. The friction of their tangled fingers
stroking her puffy folds caused her hips to arch against him in longing. His solid shaft pressed urgently against her
panty-covered mound.
”Kevin? Oh god!” she cried as his lips moved lower and tickled across her
breasts, his thumb gently brushing across her nipples, instigating them to
their peak.
“Kevin!”
“Hmmm.” He
pulled his head up and kissed her again.
He took in the flushed color of her cheeks and the welling tears in her
eyes. “You okay, babe?”
Concern
filtered through him and he rolled to his side bringing her with him. He cradled her in his arms. “What’s wrong, hon?”
She buried
her face against his neck and inhaled deeply, relishing in the scent of
him. Her body shivered uncontrollably
as she wrapped her legs around his.
“Kevin, do
you remember last Christmas in Fort Walton?”
He lifted
her chin gently and kissed away the salty moisture clinging to the corner of
her eye. “How could I ever forget? You saved me. You came to me and made all the demons go away. You held me, you cried with me, you flushed
all the pills away. You were the only
one to ever understand all my personal conflicts, my guilt. Most of all, you loved me. You loved me totally, unconditionally, with
your whole heart and soul. I could
never forget, never.” He squeezed her
to him and buried his face in her hair.
“I love you so much.”
The tears
slowly rolled down her face as she held onto him. “And I love you, Kevin. I love you so much.” She released him and brought her hands up to
his face. “There was something you wanted from me then though, something I
wouldn’t give you. I want to give it to
you now. I want you to have a part of
me that no one else does. I want you to have something that is yours and yours
alone.”
He slowly
shook his head, not understanding what she was referring to. Her eyes bore into him, silently imploring
him to remember. Realization dawned on
him and his eyes grew misty.
“No. No
way, babe, I won’t violate you like that.
You told me then that no man would ever possess you in that manner, and
I won’t take something away from you that you feel so strongly about.”
She pushed
him back gently and crawled onto his firm chest. “That was a long time ago, Kevin.” His warm hands caressed her bare back as her own hands stroked
his face lovingly. “I want this, I want
you to be the first. It’s no longer a
violation in my mind, but a craving in my soul that I want you and only you to
satisfy.”
Her lips
descended on his slightly parted ones and she moaned deeply as his mouth took
control. Her hands moved of their own
volition and absorbed the heat of his shoulders and upper arms. “Love me, Kevin. Love me like no one else ever has.”
Stunned by
the magnitude of what she was offering him, he could only continue to drown in
the passion and love that erupted from them.
“Are you
sure, hon?” he asked huskily as she slid down his trembling body, her hands
slowly and lovingly stroking his tingling skin. She murmured a reply in the positive and then flicked her tongue
down his abdomen. His fingers skimmed
through her golden hair as it silently trailed its way down his torso.
Sure he’d
had before what she was offering him now, but this time. . . this time he knew
it wasn’t going to be just erotic lusty mindless sex with another but a. . . a
gift.
Later,
much later, they lay entwined with his glistening chest pressed tightly to her
back, his hands clenched with hers, her tiny sobs being absorbed by the swell
of pillows cradling their heads. “I’m
sorry, babe. I never wanted to hurt
you,” he whispered huskily into her ear, his heart beating frantically as he
recalled the agonizing scream she had tried to muffle when he had first entered
her earlier. With a sorrow-filled
shudder he pulled her closer still to his chest. “God, I’m so sorry, hon.”
The
anguish in his voice helped to cease her tears. She rolled over to face him and laced her arms around his
back. “I’m not crying because of the
pain, I’m crying because I love you so much and now you have a part of me that
Howie doesn’t. I didn’t know what else
to give you, Kevin.” She snuggled back
against him and shivered.
“You
didn’t have to give me anything, Michelle,” he replied softly, “Thank you. Thank you for loving me so much, for giving
me so much.” They fell silent, neither
feeling the urge to speak any further on the subject. They just held each other tightly.
The
telephone cut through their serene silence. It had rung several times during
their lovemaking, but needless to say it had been very much ignored. Kevin made no move to answer it this time around
either.
“Aren’t
you waiting on a call, hon?”
He groaned
as he nodded. “Yeah, but I don’t want
to move.”
He felt
the flutter of her breath as she giggled against his throat. “Me either, but if my daughter ever finds
out the reason she didn’t get her wish is because you were bopping her mother,
I’m sure she’d be pretty pissed.” He
laughed heartily at her and kissed her quickly. “I need a nice hot bath
anyway.”
He froze
as he slid off the bed and then asked her, cautiously, “Are you feeling dirty?
Because of what we did?”
She pushed
herself up onto her elbows and smiled genuinely at him. “Never ever would I feel dirty after being
with you. No matter what we do.” His audible sigh of relief was met with
another sharp ringing of the phone. “Go
on, babe, get the phone. I won’t take
long and then we can go get some sinfully delicious junk food at the fair. I’m suddenly quite ravenous.”
Her light
happy tone quelled the unease in him and he groped around the end of the bed
for the annoying telephone.
CHAPTER
FORTY-FIVE
Tim, Will,
and Kimberly spent hours checking out the farm animals and going on rides at
the fair grounds. Kim instantly took
charge of little Will and thrilled him by taking him on some of the “baby”
rides, despite her inner thoughts of looking like a geek. They all even greedily feasted on fried
chicken, French fries and ice cream.
By the
time Billy Gilman’s performance was scheduled to start, Kim was a nervous
wreck. Kevin and Michelle had still not
shown up and Kevin was her only ticket in to meet Billy. Tim led her and Will over to the bleachers
closest to the stage and settled them down.
Kim chewed on her nails subconsciously as she craned her neck hoping to
catch a glimpse of Billy or even better catch Kevin coming through the swarming
crowd. Tim had to laugh at her as he
held Will securely in his lap.
“Kim. . .
“
“What!”
she turned quickly towards him with wide eyes.
“Do you see them? Do you see
Kevin? Oh my god, did you see Billy?”
She stood quickly to get a better view and since the crowds were walking past
her to get to their own seats, she jumped up onto the bench seat.
Tim
grabbed her arm to prevent her from toppling over and laughed heartily. “Kim, you need to chill out. Don’t worry, Kevin will be here on time and
knowing him, he’ll have it all arranged for you to sneak back stage. Now sit down and stop stressing me out!”
Kim grit
her teeth and growled. “I can’t stand
the waiting, Tim! I’m going to
freak!” She stepped down and sighed. “Ugghh!”
“Uncle
Kevin!” Little Will lifted his head off
his father’s shoulder and pointed past Kimberly.
“Yesss! Kevin!
Mom! You’re late!” Kim jumped up and pulled away from Tim’s
futile grasp at her. She raced over to
the gate and clung to Kevin’s arm.
“Well?”
Kevin
looked over her head at his brother and laughed. “Let’s sit and see, shall we?”
“Arrgghh,
you can’t keep me in suspense! Do I get
to meet Billy or what?”
“Kim. . .
“
“What!”
The overly excited girl turned to her mother with a big smile on her face. “Mom!
Please tell Kevin not to tease me!
Please! I’ll even keep my room
clean for a solid day if you get him to tell me!”
Michelle
snorted at her daughter’s lame offer.
“Ah, Kim, don’t stretch yourself too thin there!”
The three
somehow made their way back to the bleachers and Michelle bent down to give Tim
a hug and Will a kiss. “Hey Tim, thanks
for keeping my shy quiet daughter so well entertained.”
”Ha! I’d almost believe you there,
Michelle, if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes today. She’s been non-stop talking a mile a minute since I picked her
up.” Tim scooted over and made room for
Michelle to sit between him and Kimberly.
Kevin settled himself down on the other side of Kim and handed her a bag
of popcorn.
“Thanks
Kev. But about Billy?” She turned her bright blue eyes up to meet
his and gave him her second best sweet face of the day.
He grinned
wickedly and pulled Will off Tim’s lap.
“Hey little buddy! Did you have
fun today?” The little boy nodded
eagerly and dug his hand into Kim’s bag of popcorn.
“Yup! Kim
went on the rides with me and we had ice cream and we rode on a really big
horse and it even pooped right in front of Daddy.” Tim groaned and rolled his eyes.
“Wow,
lucky Daddy.” Kevin readjusted his baseball cap and sunglasses, which were
getting knocked about by the little guy in his lap.
“Uncle
Kevin? Why do you always wear that hat and glasses outside?” Will poked his little hand in the popcorn
bag again and helped himself to another handful.
“Your
Uncle Kevin is famous, Will, and he has to hide from people so they don’t keep
bugging him. Remember I told you that?”
Tim leaned across Michelle and helped himself to some of Kim’s popcorn.
“Oh yeah,
I forgot. Why are we just sitting
here?”
“Geez,
Will. I’ve been telling you all
day! Billy Gilman’s gonna sing! Oh god, I can’t wait!”
Thankfully,
the show started and Kimberly thrust her bag into her mother’s lap and
proceeded to jump and shout with all the other crazy girls in attendance. Billy gave a stunning performance singing
‘One Voice’, ‘Little Bitty Pretty One’, ‘What’s Forever For?’, ‘Little Things’,
‘I Think She Likes Me’, ‘Spend Another Night’ and ended with ‘Oklahoma’ as his
finale.
Kimberly
didn’t notice Kevin talking into his cell phone until she turned to him with an
expectant look. “Kev?”
He shushed
her and finished his call. “Okay,
Squirt. What do you want to do next?”
“Hellooooooo! Where have you been for the last year! I want to see Billy!” She threw her arms
around his neck and hugged him tight.
“Please tell me, Kevin!”
Kevin
hugged her back and laughed, “Okay, okay.
Let’s go. I’ve got you a private
meet and greet with one Mr. Billy Gilman.”
She
couldn’t even talk. She just started
jumping wildly, almost knocking them both over. “Oh my god! Oh my god!
Thank you! Thank you Kevin! I love you! You’re the best!”
Kevin
somehow managed to keep them both from toppling over the bench seats and
finally untangled the excited girl from his arms. “Tim? You coming with us?”
Tim stood
and stretched and then took his sleeping son from Michelle. “Nah, I think we’d best be getting
home. Will is exhausted and I don’t
think I can take much more of this squealing.” He looked at Kim with a
grin. “Enjoy your meeting, Kim, and
thanks a lot for helping me out with Will today.” He bent over and kissed the top of her head before turning back
to Michelle and doing the same to her.
“We’ll see ya’ll tomorrow.”
“Bye
Tim! Okay, Mom, let’s go.” Kimberly grabbed her mother’s hand and
pulled her towards the gate.
Michelle
in turn grabbed Kevin’s hand and said, “Come on, Kevy, let’s go see
Billy!” She squealed in exact imitation
of Kimberly and then caught Kim’s dirty look, “What?”
“You
mocking me woman?”
“Uh,
yeah!”
“Ha ha,
you’re funny. . . not!” Kim said with devilish grin.
“Okay, you
two teenyboppers, let’s go before this strange disease that you both possess
becomes contagious and I start squealing like a teenybopper too.” Kevin pocketed his phone and slung his arm
around Michelle’s shoulder.
She leaned
up close to him and whispered, “Well, weren’t you doing that last night, baby?”
His hand
quickly dropped and delivered a swift soft pat to her ass. “Hush you, that wasn’t squealing. That was. . . ah nevermind!”
They made
their way to the back of the stage and Kevin went over to talk to a woman
standing by a cluster of instruments.
They spoke for a few moments and then Kevin rejoined Michelle and Kim
and told them they’d be going to Billy’s bus to wait for him.
When Billy
finally entered the bus with his manager, Angela, Kim froze and just stared at
him with her mouth slightly ajar. Kevin
stood immediately and held his hand out to Angela.
“Hey,
Angela. Great to finally meet you. Thanks for helping me arrange this.” Angela looked up at him with shiny eyes.
“Believe
me, Kevin, it’s my pleasure!”
Billy
looked over at Kevin with questionable eyes.
“Hey! Aren’t you a Backstreet
Boy?” he asked as he politely held out his own hand.
“I sure
am, Billy. Nice to meet you.” Kevin shook the blonde boy’s hand and then
indicated to Kimberly. “This is
Kimberly Wyman. Now I know she has a
voice, she never stops using it most of the time, but it seems to be out of
order right now.” He laughed at
Kimberly’s expression and then held out his hand to Michelle. She caught it and came forward. “This is Kim’s mom, Michelle.”
Michelle
glanced quickly at her daughter and laughed, “Hi Billy, nice to meet you. You were absolutely amazing out there.” She shook his hand and then Angela’s. “Kim?”
“Yeah?”
she said faintly.
“Say hello
to Billy, Kim.” Michelle smirked before
moving over to the sofa with Angela and Kevin.
Billy
smiled shyly at the little beauty standing before him, gawking at him. “Uh, hi.”
“Hi.”
“Uh, do
you want a soda?” Billy asked pointing
to a small refrigerator tucked neatly behind him.
“Sure.” Kim was kicking herself inwardly for not
being cool. <I>I’m such a
dork!</I>
Billy
turned and pulled two Cokes out, handed one to Kim and then stood quietly
before her.
Kim
glanced to her left and saw her mother, Kevin and Angela chatting away. “So, um, Billy, what’s up? You know, besides
the sky?”
Billy
laughed at her cuteness and then tilted his head in thought. “Ah, you kinda got me there. I was gonna say the sky.”
Kim
giggled into her coke can and shrugged her shoulders. “You have anything cool on your bus, like Playstation? You know, preferably Crash Bandicoot? Nick always keeps a stash of games on their
buses.”
“You know
Nick too?” Billy asked, deeply
impressed.
“Well,
yeah. I sort of live with all of them
this summer, up in Nantucket. My mom is
married to Howie.”
“Really? How cool is that? You have a Backstreet Boy for a dad?” Billy led her down the small aisle to the back of the bus, which
contained the usual entertainment room.
“Well,
he’s not my real dad. He’s a step-dad.”
“Oh,
where’s your real dad?” Billy asked
innocently as he turned the Playstation on.
Kim chewed
her lip for a second before deciding to be truthful. “He’s, um, dead.”
Billy
looked up quickly and met her eyes.
“I’m so sorry.”
Kim
shrugged and sat on the floor before the TV.
“S’okay. You didn’t know. Anyway, I’ve got more dads than I know what
to do with now,” she said with a grin as Billy settled down beside her and
handed her a game controller. “Kevin is
like a real dad to me. And Howie is
really great too. Then you’ve got Brian
who is a nut, but really takes good care of me too. AJ has promised to take me for my first tattoo when I turn
eighteen and Nick is my very best friend in the whole world. Even more so than Aaron.”
“Aaron?” Billy asked with interest.
“Aaron
Carter! You know, Nick’s brother. He’s totally cool.” She stopped when a short
laugh erupted from her. “He actually
wrote me a song a few weeks ago.”
The two
continued to uninhibitedly chat away as they played their game. It felt like they’d been friends forever
instead of just having met. It was just
so easy to sit side by side on the carpeted floor, sipping cokes, trading quips
on their likes and dislikes and playing the game.
All too
soon it seemed, the three adults ventured into the small room and interrupted
their newfound camaraderie.
“We gotta
head out, Billy,” Angela said apologetically as she listened to them playfully
arguing over which Harry Potter book was the best.
“Oh!”
“Already?”
Billy and
Kim fell silent and just looked at each other.
“I still say ‘The Chamber of Secrets’ is the best!”
“No
way! You’re so wrong. ‘The Sorcerer’s Stone’ is so the best.”
Billy narrowed his eyes at her and stuck out his tongue.
“Yeah,
let’s see you do that again, Chachi!” Kim tossed her controller at Billy and
scampered to her feet with a wild laugh.
Billy ignored the adults standing around them and stuck his tongue out
at her again and then laughed hysterically.
“Angela?
Can we give Kim our phone numbers?” Billy asked openly as he slung his arm
around Kim’s shoulders.
“Sure
thing, kiddo. We’ve got to get going
though. Say bye to Kim and we’ll meet
you outside.” Angela hugged Kimberly
quickly and then Kevin and Michelle did the same to Billy.
Suddenly
feeling a little shy, Kim moved out of Billy’s embrace and faced him. “So, you’re gonna call me?”
Billy
grinned and nodded his head. “Sure
thing.”
They
walked side by side to the front of the bus and then stopped and turned to each
other. “Bye Billy.”
“Bye Kim,
it was fun!”
Kim slowly
made her way down the steps with a tinge of sadness filling her. She’d had such
a great time getting to know Billy.
“You ever
gonna admit that ‘The Sorcerer’s Stone’ is the best?”
“In your
dreams, Billy Boy.” She flicked her
hair over her shoulder and grinned at him as she went to join her mother and
Kevin.
CHAPTER
FORTY-SIX
By late
Saturday afternoon everyone was due back in Nantucket and although it was only
a temporary residence, it still felt like going home to Michelle. When she stepped off the bottom stair from
the small plane at the Nantucket airport, she closed her eyes, inhaled deeply
and felt pure happiness race through her.
Soon she would be back in Howie’s arms; she had Kevin by her side and he
was content and comfortable with her love.
Kimberly was happy and loved by all of them and would never have to cry
alone or be scared of being left behind ever again. AJ and Patti, Brian and Lauren, Nick and Aaron, they were all
here in this one special place together, happy, healthy and making a good life
for themselves. Her eyes opened and she
smiled as Kevin’s fingers laced with hers.
“You
ready?”
She nodded
and looked up at him, her eyes shining with happiness. “I have the perfect life, Kevin.” He grinned down at her and squeezed her
hand.
Howie had
arrived a few hours before Michelle, Kevin and Kimberly and was now pacing the
house anxiously.
“What the
hell is wrong with you, D?” AJ finally asked from his position on the couch,
having watched Howie pace back and forth for the last half hour.
Howie
stopped in mid-stride and turned frantic eyes towards his friend. “What if she
doesn’t want me anymore? What if sending her to Kevin was the stupidest thing
I’ve ever done? What if….”
“Jesus,
Howie! Knock it off.” AJ swung his legs off the couch and strode
over to Howie, grasping his arm firmly and leading him back to the couch. “Sit down will ya? You’re giving me a
headache with all the pacing!”
AJ sat
down heavily in an adjacent chair and leaned his elbows on his bent knees. “Have you talked to her in the last few
days?”
Howie
leaned his head back against the couch and stared at the ceiling. “Yes.”
“What’s
she sound like? Did she say she missed you?
Loved you? Couldn’t wait to see you?”
“Yeah.”
Howie ran his hands across his face and sighed. “I’m being an insecure idiot.”
“Yeah.” AJ looked over at his friend with
compassion.
“I can’t
help it though.”
“You have
to, dude. You have to stop the
insecurities. It’ll just drive you nuts
in the long run. Either that or stop this whole fucking sharing business.”
Howie
turned hard eyes towards AJ. “And how
the hell do I stop it, AJ! How do I
suddenly tell Michelle that she can’t have Kevin anymore?” He groaned and fought to control the anger
rising in him. He shook his head and
took a few deep breaths. “You know what
really sucks?”
AJ shook
his head, but Howie wasn’t looking.
“What sucks, D?”
“For the
last 36 hours, all I’ve been trying to do is think up a fair way for Kevin to
be able to be with Michelle while we’re here.
What is wrong with me?”
AJ sighed
and leveled his gaze on his friend.
“There’s nothing wrong with you, D.
You’re just too kind hearted for your own good.”
“You know
what really confuses me? I don’t have
any animosity for Kevin. I don’t hate
him for loving Michelle or for having her love him back. Why, AJ?
Why am I more concerned about losing her to him than hating him for it?”
AJ groaned
and shook his head, “I don’t know, Howie.
But I do know she loves you immensely and I honestly don’t think you’ll
ever lose her to Kevin. If you could
just stop worrying about it, then you would see it and stop questioning it. She
loves you.”
“She’s my
wife, damnit! A husband is not supposed
to be like this. I’m supposed to be
selfish and not share her with other men.
Maybe it’s me, AJ. Maybe I just
don’t know how to be a good husband.”
Howie shut his eyes and fell back against the couch cushions once
again. “Oh god. . . “
AJ just
stared at his best friend and slowly shook his head. What could he say? How
could he possibly give him advice when he didn’t know the answers? Quietly, he reached out his hand and gripped
Howie’s knee in support. After several
moments of silence, Howie pulled his head up and looked over at his
friend. “Do you think she’ll ever be
strong enough not to need Kevin anymore?”
“She’ll
always need Kevin in some way or other, D.
They are great friends. But if
you think that Kevin is the only one keeping her alive, then you are so wrong,
Howie.” With each passing word, AJ’s
tone grew harsher. He stood up and
pointed his finger at Howie and continued, “You and the love you have for her
is what’s keeping her alive and making her grow stronger every fucking
day. It’s not just Kevin, Howie! It’s you too and don’t you dare forget
that!” AJ flopped back down into his
chair and stared at Howie.
Howie
stared right back, stunned by the vehemence from his friend. He finally nodded and then dropped his gaze
to his lap. “Thanks, man.”
That sat
in silence once again, but it didn’t last long. The front door slammed open causing both men to jump in their seats.
“HOWIE!” Michelle carelessly dropped her bags along
the hallway and pushed past Kevin’s bodyguard, Carlos, who had led the way into
the house. “Howie! Where are you?”
Howie was
half out of his seat when Michelle came flying around the corner of the
entryway. She glanced briefly at the
back of AJ’s head and then found the object of her desire. “Oh Howie!”
He
stumbled briefly over AJ’s outstretched legs and then righted himself just as
she flew into his arms. AJ chuckled and
pulled his legs up underneath him and watched as the couple hugged fiercely and
then sought the other’s mouths.
“Hi
Michelle, nice to see you too. I’m
great, thanks for asking.” AJ stretched his arm out and gently tugged on the
loose curls hanging down her back.
Howie swatted his hand away and then cupped her face and continued
kissing her. “Oh nice! Toss me
aside! Ignore me, why don’t you? My heart is crushed.” AJ shook his head
slowly in mock sadness.
Kevin and
Kimberly stood quietly behind AJ with smirks on their faces. Kevin cast a quick glance down at Kimberly
and cocked his eyebrow. “Shall we?”
Kim’s eyes
glowed with mischief as she nodded.
They split apart and quickly flanked AJ, plopping themselves down onto
his unsuspecting lap.
“Oh AJ,
darling! I missed you!” cried Kimberly as she threw her arms around AJ’s neck,
barely able to contain her giggles.
Kevin
playfully pulled AJ from her grasp and hugged him tight to his chest. “No! I missed him more! He’s mine!”
Howie and
Michelle fell apart as AJ’s screams and Kimberly’s giggles assailed them. They looked down at the three of them and
burst out laughing.
“Arggh,
get off me you big geek!” AJ pushed frantically at Kevin’s chest, accidentally
knocking Kimberly off his lap. She fell
to the floor with a resounding plop and shrieked with unabashed glee. Howie was instantly by her side and pulled
her up from the floor and cuddled her on the couch.
AJ was
successful in pushing Kevin from his lap and Kevin caught himself before he
landed in a lump on the floor. He
chuckled and ruffled AJ’s hair before sitting on the coffee table near
Howie. “Hey D, good to see you.”
Howie
pulled his head up and looked at him. A
momentary flash of hesitation flickered across his face before he extended a
hand and shook Kevin’s. “Train, glad to
see you full of spunk.”
Michelle
eyed both men warily, suddenly filled with apprehension. She gently bit her lower lip as she saw the
hesitation in Howie’s demeanor. It hit
her hard once again at that very second at what she was doing to him. No matter how often he stated that he was
fine with her loving Kevin, she saw in that instant how it was affecting
him.
She felt
warm fingers entwine with her own and looked down to see AJ watching her. His soft gaze silently conveyed his
understanding of her trepidation. He
tugged lightly and she willingly stepped closer only to be surprised as he
pulled her down onto his lap and nuzzled her neck. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders tightly and hugged
him. “Hey, sexy. I missed you terribly,” she said softly into
his ear.
“Don’t
worry, babe, everything will sort itself out eventually. He’ll be okay.” He
whispered into her ear before releasing his hold on her and settling her more
comfortably on his lap. “So gang, now
that we’re all back, what time does the party start?”
Michelle
cast him a warm smile before turning her gaze to Howie. He was listening intently to Kimberly and
her ramblings. Her heart swelled at the
sight of her daughter interacting so easily with her husband. It was no secret she preferred Kevin, but
she was starting to warm up to Howie.
She shifted her gaze to Kevin and although she could only see his
profile from her position on AJ’s lap, she could see that he was smiling.
Howie
happened to look up at AJ’s question and his beautiful eyes locked with
Michelle’s. Her heart skipped a beat,
as she saw not only the love pouring from his eyes, but the questions as well. She silently mouthed ‘I love you’ to him and
was rewarded with a small smile.
The rest
of the group all eventually found their way down into the living room and
everyone sat around for ages catching up and making plans. It was decided that a good old-fashioned
barbeque with hamburgers and hotdogs was in order and Michelle went to call
Heather and Greg to invite them over with the girls. Nick called AnaLee and returned to the living room with a huge
smile firmly planted on his face.
“Ah, Nicky
is in love,” murmured Brian as he lightly strummed his guitar from across the
room. Nick blushed slightly and tossed
a small sofa pillow at him. Brian
warded it off and chuckled as he started playing “Can You Feel The Love
Tonight’.” Kevin leaned over and
lightly cuffed Brian on the back of his head before chuckling and joining in
the song on the piano.
Aaron and
Kim were settled in the middle of the floor with Lauren, avidly listening to
her instructions on how to play poker.
AJ caught wind of the advice she was giving them and he couldn’t help
but lend his expertise.
Patti was
comfortably stretched out on the couch, her feet in Howie’s lap, as they poured
over pages of meticulous notes they both kept for the upcoming tour.
Patti had
gladly given up her own job as manager of one of Orlando’s finer hotels at the
beginning of the summer. AJ’s begging
of her to spend the summer with him and the gang on the island was too tempting
to pass up. After proving herself over
again and again with her incredible organizational skills, it was unanimously
decided by all the guys that she would temporarily replace their current tour
manager who was departing for a pregnancy leave. Patti was hesitant at first due to her own pregnancy, but gave in
after much imploring from them all.
AJ’s whispered promises of a damn good fucking in each and every hotel
hot tub in Asia and Australia proved to be the icing on the cake.
Michelle
leaned over the back of the couch and wrapped her arms around her husband. His hands came up and covered hers and he
turned his head to plant a soft kiss on her lips. “It’s good to be back, huh?” she asked softly. He nodded and absentmindedly continued
rubbing Patti’s bare feet. “Wanna help
me unpack?” She asked in a hushed voice.
His smile grew wider and he gently removed Patti’s feet from his lap and
stood up.
“Hey! Where you going? We aren’t finished here,” Patti asked with a smirk as she lowered
her stack of papers to her chest.
Michelle
took Howie’s papers from his own hands and tossed them onto Patti’s little
belly. “I need him more than you
do. You can study with him later.” Patti rolled her eyes and shooed them away.
Michelle
and Howie collected her discarded luggage and went upstairs. Once in the room, she dropped her bags
gently to the floor and went over to the nightstand and turned on the small
clock radio there. Soft strains of the
Dixie Chick’s ‘Without You’ filled the room.
Wordlessly,
she turned back to Howie and watched him place the bags he had carried up onto
the loveseat near the window. He
straightened up and turned around to catch her moving slowly towards him, her
fingers seductively easing down the zipper of her sleeveless denim vest.
He
swallowed gently and his eyes filled with desire as she neared. “Without you I’m not okay, and without you I
would’ve lost my way.” She whispered as
she lightly shrugged the soft material from her shoulders and reached for the
hem of his t-shirt.
“There
will never be a ‘without me’,” he said huskily as her hands settled on his
chest.
“Good,” she exhaled softly against his
mouth. His lips parted for her and she
wound her arms around his neck as his hands slid down her back. “I need you Howie, always and forever. I love you more than anyone and I always
will.” The hushed words she spoke were
interspersed with his soft kisses.
“Thank
you.”
“What are
you thanking me for?” she softly asked as she pulled back to look at him.
His eyes
roamed her face as his hands wove their way through her hair. “Thank you for saying that; I needed to hear
it.” Her drew her back towards him and
kissed her gently.
“And I
thank you.”
”For
what?” He questioned as they slowly glided towards the bed. His hands stroked their way down her stomach
and deftly undid her jeans.
“For
loving me as much as you do and for Kevin.
It won’t last forever, I promise.” She lay back on the bed and watched
him through half closed eyes as he slowly removed the jeans from her legs. He glanced up at her with a raised eyebrow.
“I’ll always love Kevin, Howie, but there will come a time when he needs more
than this. I can only hope that you’ll
still be here when that time comes.”
“I’m never going away, Beauty. Never.”
CHAPTER
FORTY-SEVEN
The next
couple of weeks were spent in languorous bliss. Aside from squeezing in the making of two videos, AJ’s Johnny No
Name’s “Try A Little Tenderness” and Backstreet’s “Drowning”, the glorious
August days were nothing if not peaceful.
Everyone
was content to do nothing more than whatever they so desired. Kimberly was dismayed when Aaron had to
leave shortly after her return from Kentucky, but Nick promised they’d catch up
with him during the next leg of the tour throughout North America and that
appeased her. She still had Gracie and
Hope to chum around with and Michelle had recently surprised her with a two-day
visit from her cousin, Becka. Rob’s
family had been small and only his sister, Tina, and her children survived
him. Michelle was hesitant at first
about calling her, afraid that Tina may still hold some hard feelings toward
her resulting from Rob’s death and their divorce.
Seeing her
struggle with her thoughts, Howie had taken Michelle by the hand, led her off
for a moonlit stroll on the beach and in his gentle, soothing way, convinced
her that holding on to family ties was one of the most important ingredients
for a happy life.
Later, as
he tenderly made love to her under the star filled sky, he spoke dreamily of
the family they would have together.
The babies he wanted to cradle in his arms and sing to. A little blonde haired baby girl that he
could only hope would be as beautiful as her mother. A son, perhaps, no, two sons, that would carry on his family
name. A long break was anticipated once
this current tour ended in early December, and he would have no commitments
other than to make babies with his wife.
Michelle
shivered in his arms, not only from his exquisite touches, but also from the
fear that maybe she wouldn’t be able to give him what he so desired. It had been two months since her
miscarriage. While she felt fine
physically, a nagging fear nibbled at her, taunting her that she didn’t deserve
any more children. An abortion, a
miscarriage, infidelity. What right did
she have to expect another miracle of a precious child coming from her? And, good god, what if she just couldn’t
because of the chance of cancer?
She spoke
none of her fears to him as his lips brushed against her temple while he slowly
thrust into her. Instead she wrapped
her arms and legs around him and held him for dear life.
Tomorrow,
she’d talk to Kevin about it all. Kevin
would make her feel better.
***********
With a hearty laugh in her throat, Michelle collected several
of the empty plates and headed towards the kitchen. Patti, Telly and Lauren got
up to help her but she insisted they sit back down and relax. She rinsed the dishes off with a smile
playing on her lips, thinking what a beautiful day it had been. Everyone, except Aaron, was there, in one
house and in wonderful moods.
Her gaze was drawn to the sounds of laughter coming from down
on the beach. She looked out the window
over the sink and saw Kimberly, Nick, Howie and the two little neighbor girls
running around chasing each other and laughing merrily.
As she was drawing her gaze back to the sink, her eye caught
sight of Howie's guitar left leaning against the patio railing. She wiped her hands on the dishcloth and
headed outside to retrieve it, reminding herself to scold him, in her own way,
about it later.
As she stepped out onto the patio, her gaze was drawn back to
the five of them on the beach. She
watched them again for a few minutes and suddenly felt a little wistful as
Howie caught one of the children up in his arms and spun her around, his face
covered in happiness. Her heart went
out to him and she ached for their lost child once again.
Absentmindedly, she strolled to the edge of the patio and
picked up his folk guitar. As she kept
her gaze on them, she sat on the bench and held the guitar in a once familiar
position.
She slowly started strumming, lost in thought; unaware of the
sounds she was creating from the instrument.
Slowly, she began singing softly.
It is the
evening of the day, I sit and watch the children play, Smiling faces I can see,
But not for me
She faltered and
sat quietly for a few moments, just strumming the guitar, staring off into the
distance.
.
Brian grinned broadly at the smirk on AJ's face after he had
licked his fingers clean while teasing Patti with his eyes. He looked over towards Lauren and watched
her laughing at the others. He felt
that warm sensation running through him, amazed that his woman could have such
a hold on his heart.
Michelle started the song once again.
It is the evening of the day, I sit and
watch the children play, Smiling faces I can see, But not for me
Suddenly Brian shushed everyone, got up from the table and
headed to the screen doors behind him. He stood silently for a second
listening, before sliding the screen open, stepping out onto the deck and
looking towards his right. His
mysterious actions drew the rest of them out behind him and they stood stunned;
listening and watching Michelle.
I sit and watch,
As tears go by, My riches can't buy everything, I want to hear the children
sing
"I didn't know
she could play the guitar?" Kevin whispered behind Patti.
Patti nodded her
head and replied quietly, "She took some lessons when we were kids, but I
didn't know she still played." She
watched her sister with a loving gaze and looked out towards the sea, curious at
what Michelle's eyes were drawn too.
She gasped slightly as she saw Howie, Nick and the children romping
around on the beach. She understood
immediately and drew her hands towards her own abdomen, being thankful and
sorry at the same time.
All I hear is
the sound, Of rain falling on the ground, I sit and watch as tears go by
Brian whispered that he'd be right back and ran into the
house. Moments later he emerged with
his own guitar and slowly headed towards her.
He began strumming along with her.
Michelle stopped immediately and flew around to look behind
her, amazed to see him walking towards her, playing along with her. Her eyes were drawn to the group behind him,
standing there staring, with tears in their eyes for her.
"Don't stop," Brian said as he sat beside her. She hesitatingly picked up where he was and
began strumming again. "Keep
singing," he said.
It is the
evening of the day, I sit and watch the children play, Doin' things I used to
do, They think are new. I sit and watch as tears go by.
"Again," he requested softly. The started the song over from the beginning
and they sang together. Tears rolled
down slowly from Michelle's eyes.
Howie caught the sound of the melancholy tune and froze on the
sand. He looked towards the house and
saw her watching them, he saw Brian join her and sit beside her. He drew himself up from the sand and walked
slowly towards them.
It is the evening of the day, I sit and
watch the children play, Smiling faces I can see, But not for me, I sit and
watch as tears go by
My riches can't buy everything, I want to
hear the children sing, All I hear is the sound of rain falling on the ground,
I sit and watch as tears go by.
(Rolling Stones - As Tears Go By)
Silence followed
when they finished. Brian drew the
guitar out of her hands and placed them both on the floor before reaching over
and hugging her tightly.
"That was
beautiful," he whispered.
Howie climbed over
the railing and drew her away from Brian and into his own arms. He kissed her passionately and then held her
against him for a long time.
The rest of them
stood nearby, not sure what to do.
Patti kept her eyes trained on Nick and the girls still down on the
beach. Lauren walked over and joined
Brian, squeezing him tightly and silently conveying her pride.
Telly watched Kevin
watch Michelle and Howie. She cringed
slightly at the look in his eye. She
knew of course. She’d known for a long time,
but hadn’t really and truly face it, even the last time she was there. Kevin was in love with Michelle. Plain and simple and it didn’t look like it
was going away.
She turned quietly
and walked into the house and up to the room she was sharing with Kevin. She had just flown in last night, greatly
looking forward to spending time with all her friends. Despite everything, she and Kevin still
thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company and made good on their promise to be
the best of friends who fucked really great together. Still, it hurt
AJ caught Patti’s
hand and whispered in her ear. She
nodded as he ran into the house. She
looked over her shoulder at Kevin and noticed the tear in his eye. She slid her hand into his and pulled him
down onto the bench next to her.
“Kevin, you okay?”
Kevin stiffened and
pulled his eyes away from Michelle and Howie, but still avoiding Patti’s. He squeezed her hand gently, lost in
thought, before finally facing her. “I
can’t help it, Patti. I know it’s
wrong. But I love her, and I can’t ever
stop.”
Patti looked up at
him sadly. She cupped his hand between
both of hers and gently rubbed it.
“Kevin, I’m
sorry. But, what about Telly? And
Howie?” she asked softly.
Kevin winced
slightly. “They both know. They both allow it.
Michelle loves me too, but I’ll never have her all to myself. I don’t know what to do.”
Patti nodded, not
knowing what to say or how to feel. She
had sensed many things between Michelle, Howie and Kevin and her mind was going
into overdrive trying to sort it all out.
Why wouldn’t her own sister confide in her?
They sat silently for a few more moments before AJ came flying
out of the house, a bass guitar in hand.
“Let’s go, Kev. We have to break
the mood. This is supposed to be a
par-tay!”
Kevin looked up and nodded silently, releasing Patti’s hand and
kissing her cheek. “Thanks for
listening.”
AJ started plucking the strings and advanced upon Howie and
Michelle, surprising them.
“You want Stones, babe, we can do Stones!” He started the chords for ‘Not Fade
Away’. Brian grabbed his guitar up
again and joined him.
“I’m gonna tell you how it’s gonna be. You’re gonna give your love to me!”
Michelle and Howie broke apart and she wiped her eyes quickly
before turning towards them. Howie slid
his arms around her waist and held her close as they smiled at their friends
acting up.
Patti pulled Kevin and Lauren into the middle of the patio and
started them dancing. Nick, Kimberly,
Gracie and Hope ran up from the beach and joined in. Nick ran inside and returned seconds later with a handful of
wooden spoons and gave them to the girls who proceeded to treat them like
microphones and drum sticks.
As soon as that song was ended, they jumped right into
'Satisfaction’. Michelle turned around
in Howie’s arms and kissed him sweetly.
“I’m sorry, babe.”
“Don’t,” he said placing his index finger against her lips, “I understand and
it’s okay.”
She nodded and smiled at him, “You look so wonderful with
kids. I love you so much, Howie. I can only hope that I’ll be able to give
you as many children as you want.”
Howie smiled broadly and replied, “If we don’t ever have any
children together, that won’t mean I’ll love you any less; as long as I have
you. And we already have Kimberly too,
remember? She’s the perfect daughter
and one day I’ll be the perfect father figure for her, maybe as good as Kevin,
huh? Now, you wanna dance with a sexy
Backstreet Boy?” He winked mischievously at her.
“Oh, you mean AJ?” she asked winking back. He laughed wildly and pulled her over
towards the others.
Kevin broke away from the group after a short while and went
inside for Telly. He found her staring
out the window, watching the slight wind blowing across the beach.
“Tel? You okay?” he asked cautiously as he advanced upon her.
She turned towards him, her eyes shiny with unshed tears. “Absolutely! Just had to use the bathroom.
What about you?” She stood and
wrapped her arms around his waist. “I
know it hurts, babe.”
He could only swallow, trying to push the lump of despair back
down his throat.
CHAPTER FORTY EIGHT
All too soon, it was almost time to go home. Only one more day remained. The air was filled with a combination of
excitement and melancholy. It had been
a good summer, a relaxing break from the hectic, crazy lives the guys led. They were eager to get back on the road
though, get back in the limelight, and do what they loved. They missed the fans, the screams and the
highs from performing constantly. And
yet. . . they’d miss the tranquility
that this little island off the coast of Massachusetts had given to them.
While not every moment of it had been peaceful and stress free,
just to be able to wake up in the morning, throw on a bathing suit, grab a
piece of fruit and walk freely out of a house and into the heat of a glorious
day, those were the moments that would be remembered the most fondly.
Kevin had pulled himself together, with Telly’s tender
assistance that weekend, and he had gone on to spend the last two weeks with a
relaxed smile on his face. Telly had
reminded him that although he didn’t have the woman he loved all to himself, he
was fortunate enough to have her in his life, in his heart and in his
arms.
Howie wasn’t exactly selfish.
He understood how it felt to love someone so deeply that it just
squeezed the love out of your heart. He
knew what the feelings were at the sight or thought of that someone and he
understood Kevin's feelings. It also
helped that Howie wasn’t nearly as intimidated by Kevin’s love for Michelle, or
hers for him, as he had been previously.
His only demand was for his wife to sleep in his bed and in his arms
during the night. Whatever Kevin and
Michelle did during the days, he understood and accepted and that made it
easier to live with as time went on.
The three of them were together almost constantly. It became
natural and comfortable; just like three best friends who would never even
consider venturing off to do something without inviting the other two
along. Whatever plans were made for the
day, it was always assumed by the planner that their activities automatically
included all three of them, plus whoever else was interested enough to tag
along.
Be it just lazing about on the hot sand, walking in the early
morning haze along the misty shoreline, driving into town for whatever was
needed, if one went, the other two would want to go and did.
It was also soon second nature for Michelle to be able to hug,
kiss, or touch Kevin in some innocent loving way in front of Howie. Neither man was ever made to feel left out
or hurt by her attention to the other; she had enough love for the both of
them.
Of course, public displays of affection between Kevin and
Michelle were few and far between.
There were far too many people in all their lives to protect. Should it ever come out that Michelle was in
love with, or worse, was sleeping with both men, the consequences from their
relationships would surely cause unfathomable pain for all involved. Nevermind what it would do to the guys’ career!
Despite the vows at the beginning of the summer to live their
lives the way they wanted to, love whomever they wanted to, and show their love
publicly when they wanted to, the five Backstreet Boys silently agreed to guard
Kevin and Michelle’s relationship with their lives. It wasn’t even discussed or disclosed to the other women of the
household, never mind letting it become public knowledge.
********
For their last full day at Nantucket, Michelle had scheduled
herself and Kimberly for a late morning appointment at a small hair salon in
town. They arose early, dressed quickly
and rode bicycles into town, chatting and laughing all the way. Of course, Carlos was none too pleased to
have his butt dragged out of bed so early to follow them in the minivan.
The bodyguards had been switching off every other week for the
last month or so. It hadn’t become
really necessary to have any more than two of them around at any time. Whoever was on duty utilized the spare
bedrooms in the large summer house and basically just went wherever the need
arose.
After Howie’s announcement of his marriage and the whirlwind
trip across country that he took his wife on, Michelle was now pretty familiar
to most die-hard fans. Fortunately,
Kimberly was still relatively unknown, however with the few pictures taken
whenever she was out and about with one of the guys, the fans were slowly
starting to recognize her as well.
The girls enjoyed their time alone together and Michelle
splurged on facials, pedicures, and manicures for the both of them, along with
their wash, cut and styles. Kimberly
had wanted her hair shortened for the longest time and her mother finally
relented. However, Michelle had the
least amount taken off her long tresses as she had promised him that she’d
never cut her hair.
On their leisurely ride back to the house, Nick and Brian had
pulled up alongside them and offered to take Kimberly out on the boat for the
day with them, Lauren and AnaLee. Of
course, the little fish jumped at the chance and with a quick hug and kiss for
her mother, abandoned her bicycle and jumped in the Suburban with the
guys. Michelle shook her head, laughed
and waved them off. Carlos pulled the
minivan up closer, loaded the two bicycles in the back and took Michelle home.
When Michelle entered the house, she called out. “Honeys, I’m
home!”
Howie emerged from the kitchen, a pitcher of frozen margaritas
in hand, and beamed brightly at her.
“Hey Beauty, just in time. We’ve
decided to have a liquid lunch today.”
He winked at her, kissed her lips teasingly and then strode out onto the
deck.
Michelle stared after her husband with amusement and then ran
upstairs to their bedroom to change.
She pulled out a new tank-ini that she had purchased while out in Los
Angeles with Howie and debated wearing it.
She slipped out of her clothes and pulled the skimpy panties of the suit
on. Before turning to face the mirror,
she slid the tank top over her arms and head and adjusted it comfortably to her
figure. Taking a deep breath, she
turned toward the mirror and eyed her appearance critically. Not too bad, she thought as she twisted
sideways to glimpse the backside view.
While she wasn’t as slim as Lauren or Patti, she looked pretty
damn good and patted herself on the back for dropping back down to a size
seven. She quickly twisted her hair
into a sloppy bun and picked up her discarded clothing to place in the
hamper. She thought twice about it and
then tugged on the cutoff shorts over her bikini bottoms.
When she finally made her appearance out on the deck, AJ, Howie
and Kevin were in the hot tub, bent doubled over from laughing their asses off. Patti was comfortably settled in a lounge
chair and shaking her sober head at them.
“What’s going on?” Michelle asked her sister while watching the
three men slap each other on the back.
“Ah, don’t even ask.
Just boys being dirty boys.”
Patti sat up and patted the cushion by her legs. “Your drink is on the table.”
Michelle turned towards the white wrought iron table and picked
up the cold goblet brimming with sweet frozen alcohol. She swirled the straw through the pale red
mixture and sipped it slowly. “Hmm,
delicious.” She sat down with Patti and
automatically placed her free hand on Patti’s abdomen. “Anything happening in there?”
Patti grinned and shook her head, “Nope, I’ve got me a good
sleeper, that’s for sure. Geesh, you’d
never think this was AJ’s kid, huh?
More like Kevin’s. The only time
he starts to move around is early evening.”
Michelle’s eyes had shot up towards Patti’s at the mention of Kevin’s
name. Patti caught her look and cocked
a curious eyebrow at her sister. “So when
are you going to tell me all about it?”
Michelle shifted uncomfortably on the lounge chair and turned
her gaze to the three men at the other end of the deck. Just seeing them so laidback, happy and
carefree brought a smile to her face and wave of pure love washed over her
body.
She turned back towards her sister and linked her fingers with
hers. “I was so afraid that if you knew
I was in love with Kevin too, then you might hate me. I can’t help it, Patti. I
love them both.” Michelle’s eyes welled
with tears and she tightened her hold on Patti’s hand. “I was scared that you’d think I’d lost my
mind, or even just think I’m a whore.”
Patti shook her head slowly and brought her sister’s hand up to
her chest. “I’ve done a lot of growing
up these last few years, Mick. I’m not
the scared little girl that ran off because I couldn’t deal with shit. I’ve
survived on my own and I’ve learned a lot about life by taking things one step
at a time. I’ve learned to think things
through before judging. I hold no
grudges anymore because I had to deal with Matt’s death alone. I hope you realize that by now.”
Michelle nodded her head hesitantly and remained silent,
solemnly recalling how she’d let Patti handle their only brother’s death on her
own. She just couldn’t go through it at
the time. Her state of mind couldn’t
handle it, so she’d stayed home in Massachusetts ignoring her sister’s needs.
“I knew you were going through some serious shit of your own
with Rob and everything. I never once
thought you were crazy because you tried to juggle it all, and when you thought
you weren’t doing a good job, tried to kill yourself. I only wish that I was there for you.”
Tears of relief slipped slowly down Michelle’s cheeks. Patti’s own shining eyes welled up upon
seeing her sister’s. “If you are happy, hon, then I am happy for you. If loving both Howie and Kevin, and having
them love you back, keeps you brimming with life and alive, then the last thing
I want is to stand in your way, or become judgmental about the whole thing.”
“Thank you,” Michelle whispered as she pulled Patti into a
hug. “Thank you for being so
understanding.”
An hour and a half later, Michelle was feeling no pain as the
group of five sprawled out exhaustedly on the lawn after playing an impromptu
game of volleyball. They had no net,
and only a red, green and blue striped beach ball, but that didn’t seem to
matter in the least. Patti, being the
only sober one in the group, declared herself judge, umpire, referee, and
whatever else she could think of; she didn’t care so long as she got to
determine the winning team.
“This sucked,” Howie panted as he crawled on his hands and
knees over to Michelle, who was lying on her back doing her own fair share of
panting, her head using Kevin’s stomach as a pillow. “Totally unfair, I tell
ya!”
He crawled up her legs and collapsed on top of her, nuzzling
his nose along her exposed abdomen. She
giggled and entwined her fingers in his damp locks.
“You’re such a sore loser, D,” Kevin drawled as he languidly
ran his hand up and down Michelle’s arm.
“The ref was totally biased!” Howie turned his head slightly
and caught sight of AJ kissing Patti’s neck as they lounged in each other’s
arms nearby.
“Yeah! And who picked these teams anyway?” Michelle squirmed as
Howie’s tongue commenced short slow strokes around her belly button. “Putting
the two shortest people on the same team wasn’t the brightest of ideas.”
“Well, it was the Doroughs against the Studs. It was your idea, babe,” AJ offered and
grinned at Michelle.
Patti sighed happily as she leaned back against AJ’s sweaty
chest. She slipped her hands under his
knees and brought them up so that his legs surrounded her. His hands slid around her ribs and with just
the slightest movement of his thumbs, he teased her nipples seductively. “Do you want your thank you gift now, baby,
for reffing the game so expertly?” She
pushed her body further against his and nodded eagerly as his growing bulge
pressed against her.
They quickly disentangled their limbs and headed towards the
house, hand in hand.
“Hey! Where you guys
going?” Michelle called out, slurring her words slightly and then moaning as
Howie continued to tease her warm skin with his tongue.
“We’ll be back, kids, play nicely amongst yourselves,” AJ
shouted over his shoulder before disappearing into the house.
“Those two are perfect for each other,” Kevin said and then
looked down at Michelle.
She turned her face up to him and grinned. “Yeah, sex maniacs the both of them.”
Kevin felt a shiver run through his body as Michelle twisted
her upper body slightly and placed a kiss on his ribs. “Uh, well, I guess I’ll leave you two alone,
too.” His gaze had shifted slightly and an eyebrow rose as Howie quietly
fumbled with the snap of Michelle’s shorts.
She looked back down at Howie and mumbled incoherently as he
continued to lavish her skin with slow uneven strokes of not only his tongue
but now his fingers as well. “Oh god. .
.yeah.“
Kevin had every intention of wriggling out from beneath Michelle’s
head, but the soft caress of her fingers along his tanned arm was definitely
preventing him from doing the right thing.
He remained frozen, lying on the ground, only the fingers of his left
hand moving slowly as he trailed them down her cheek and along her throat.
Michelle lay on the grass, eyes half closed, and relished the
sensual stroking from both men.
”Don’t go, Kev, I want to kiss you. . . no, I need to kiss
you.” She arched her hips automatically as Howie slid his body off her legs and
slowly tugged her shorts down. “Please,
Kevin, kiss me.”
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
Kevin cast a quick glance down to Howie before rearranging his
body and cupping her face in his hands.
His eyes roamed her face and settled on her slightly parted lips. “There is nothing I’d rather do than kiss
you, babe, but we’ve all had a little too much to drink.” He kissed her forehead instead and pulled
away. “I’ll leave you two alone.” He brushed
a tendril of hair away from her face, then got up to leave with a small sigh.
A tiny whimper escaped from her lips.
“Wait, Kev.”
Kevin turned to his friend and looked down at him with
desolation. “D, you don’t have to say
anything. I know the rules.”
“You don’t have to leave,” Howie said calmly as he rose to his
knees and helped Michelle sit up. He
gently kissed the back of her hand, then looked up at Kevin, shielding his eyes
from the bright afternoon sun surrounding the tall man. “This isn’t a game, Kevin. There are no rules. This is our lives. . . our hearts, at stake here. I can’t rule the love this woman has in her
heart for the both of us.” He looked
back down at his wife and softly ran a finger across her lips. “What do you
want, Beauty?”
Her heart raced fiercely as she nervously glanced from one man
to the other. She knew exactly what she
wanted, what she had fantasized about more than once. She just didn’t know how to voice it. If she shared her desires with them, what would they think? What would the consequences be? What would it do to her marriage? This couldn’t be happening surely! She closed her eyes and shuddered.
“It’s your call, babe,” Kevin said quietly and held his hand
out to her.
She raised her eyes and met Howie’s. He just smiled and offered her his hand as well.
“Just so you know. . . “ she whispered, “I’ve never been more
happier in my life than I have been with you.
You are perfect in every sense and I’ll love you forever. . . I love
Kevin too. I want you both.”
**************
Howie quietly led the way into the room, Michelle’s hand firmly
tucked in his. Kevin stepped in behind
them, his hand resting on the small of her back. He closed and locked the door behind them.
She stood rigidly, trembling slightly from a combination of
fear and excitement as she watched Howie move over to the nightstand and turn
on the radio. He returned to her and
gently cupped her face. "Howie. . . “
He brushed his lips lightly across hers and pulled back
slightly.
"I know, babe…" he said and then wrapped his arms
tightly around her before continuing with his kiss. She gasped in surprise at his fervor.
"Howie?” she swooned slightly as he pulled away. “I don’t
know what to do,” she whispered.
He placed his fingers over her eyes, shutting them for
her. "Sssh, just close your
eyes."
She drew in her breath and nodded mutely. Shivers coursed through her body as Howie's
hands slid down her face to her neck.
He looked behind her to Kevin and met the other man’s eyes. Kevin stared back at him with a look of
apprehension. Howie smiled at him, then turned his attention back to Michelle
and said softly to her, "Let us both show you how much we love you."
Kevin swallowed quickly and nodded. Howie may have said there were no rules, but anything or
everything that was going to happen now still rested in his hands. Howie was calling the shots, whether he
realized it or not. Kevin knew this and
it irked him somewhat, but not enough to make him leave. Not now.
Michelle's eyes flew
open to find Howie about to kiss her again.
"Close your eyes, babe. . . " he murmured before cupping the
back of her head and tracing his tongue along her lips.
"But. . . " she started, shakily.
Howie parted her lips with his tongue.
She drew in her breath, not able to resist his warm caresses.
Kevin moved directly behind her and placed his hands on her
hips, kissing the back of her shoulder lightly. She moaned against Howie.
He drew her tongue into his mouth as he pulled her closer.
Kevin's hands trailed down her arms and grasped her fingers
tightly, holding them steady as he drew his kisses along her upper back. Michelle's legs started to tremble from
nerves and passion. Her fingers
interlaced with Kevin's as she dueled with Howie's tongue. Kevin pulled her hands further downward and
placed them on Howie's hips before inching back upwards to slowly draw her tank
up and over her chest.
Howie
broke the kiss and moved over to her ear, gently nibbling on her lobe. His fingers moved around to the back of her
neck. Her hands loosened their hold on
his hips and she slowly started caressing them through the thin fabric of his
shorts. "Oh god, I don't believe
this..." she murmured.
Kevin eased the tank up and removed it from her, letting it
slink to the floor. His big hands
encased her breast and massaged them tenderly while lowering himself to his
knees. He ran his tongue down along her
spine as his fingers slowly descended, tantalizing her warm body. Michelle shivered involuntarily as her own
hands roamed across Howie, settling on his chest. She moaned against his ear.
He slid his lips down to her throat and suckled gently.
She threw
her head back and moaned again as Kevin’s fingers and lips roamed her hips and
bottom as he peeled away her bikini panties.
Howie caught a nipple between his teeth and tugged
playfully. Michelle massaged his
hardened member through his shorts, causing him to groan and cup her breasts
more firmly. Kevin smoothed his hands
along her thighs and moved his kisses with them.
Throwing caution to the wind, she unzipped Howie and pushed his
clothing towards the floor, his hardness pulsating against her abdomen. She drew her hands up along his shaft,
enthralled at the sensations running through her body as both men lavished
their attention on her.
Howie
broke away, panting heavily and began tugging her towards the side of the
bed. Kevin emitted an involuntary groan
from the loss of her warm body as she was led away from him. As Howie gently turned and guided her back
onto the edge of the bed, Michelle looked past Howie and held her hand out to
Kevin. Howie caught her attention
quickly and her glazed eyes settled back onto him as he moved to stand between
her parted legs. As he ran his hands
along her thighs, he looked deeply into her eyes before leaning down and
kissing her passionately on the lips.
Kevin
climbed onto the bed from the other side, knelt next to her and watched them
quietly. Barely a few moments passed
and his breathing grew erratic. He
could contain himself no longer and finally nudged Howie out of his way. Howie chuckled and stood straight up,
pulling her hips closer to the edge of the bed. He sank to his knees and buried his face between her legs.
Michelle
turned her head towards Kevin and held out her arms to him. He sank down beside her, his hand drifting
across her breasts, gently rolling her nipples between his fingers as he parted
her lips with his tongue. She ran a
hand smoothly along his chest as her eyes closed in desire.
Howie’s
tongue skillfully played with her bud, causing her to arch her pelvis
higher. She lowered her hand to Kevin’s
crotch and fumbled with the zipper of his shorts. He broke away from her, stood and quickly shed his clothing. She wrapped her legs around Howie’s
shoulders, moaning and begging for more.
He complied as he slipped a finger into her moistened slit and teased
her with it.
Kevin
moved back towards her and she caught his shaft between her hands and tugged
upwards. He inched closer to her head
and allowed her to pull him towards her mouth.
She drew her tongue around the head of his cock and cried out from
pleasure before drawing it into her mouth.
He grabbed onto the headboard to steady himself and emitted a throaty
groan as she alternately suckled him and then slid her tongue along his
length.
Howie continued to tease her clit, while watching Kevin slip
into her mouth over and over. He never
expected to have these feelings of exhilaration that were racing through his
being as he was now experiencing. As
they had wordlessly climbed the stairs earlier, he had thoroughly expected that
he would have to choke back his jealousy and insecurities in order to allow
these events to unfold.
He groaned from need, quickly stood up and pressed himself
against her opening. He smiled
seductively as she glanced over to him and slowly entered her, grasping her
thighs firmly. Her body arched toward
him, while keeping her ministrations of Kevin in stride. Howie slowly pushed himself in only a short
way before pulling out again. She dug
her feet into his ass to prevent him from doing it again. He chuckled at her exuberance and plunged
deeply into her. She moaned and sucked
harder on Kevin, her body bucking under all the incredible sensations.
She pulled Kevin’s dick from her throat and nibbled softly
along his throbbing vein, causing him to emit pre-cum, which she licked off
with pleasure.
“OH GOD!” she
screamed as Howie’s pace became more fevered and urgent. Kevin looked down and hardened even further
as he witnessed Howie’s cock sliding in and out of her. Howie watched Kevin, watching him enter
Michelle over and over. He saw Kevin’s
control slipping. He saw the glazed
sheen filling Kevin’s eyes. He saw the clenched knuckles as Kevin fought to
control himself and Howie made the final, permanent decision to share her with
him.
He pulled out and
his eyes met Kevin’s. Without a word,
Kevin stretched out on the bed and they both moved to place Michelle atop of
him. Howie gently assisted in
positioning her over Kevin and watched in silence as she moved her body
downwards to his hardness. She slowly
lowered herself onto Kevin before collapsing on his chest. Kevin embraced her tightly as he bucked his
hips wildly, letting go of his control as he desperately made love to her. She
moaned their names and found his lips.
Howie silently watched the passion growing between the couple
on the bed. He slipped quietly into the
bathroom and returned quickly. He
climbed carefully back onto the bed behind the lovers. His hands ran over her silky back and ass
before leaning down and nibbling her cheeks.
She mewed in pleasure from his touch.
He gently parted her cheeks and trailed his tongue downwards. She sucked fervently on Kevin’s mouth as
Howie’s tongue slid inside her.
Kevin slowed down
his strokes and thumbed her nipples as he watched Howie position himself around
their legs. Howie slid a finger down
towards her wet opening and slowly slid it in alongside of Kevin’s cock. Her light head arched up and away from
Kevin, responding to Howie’s touch. She moaned his name and then begged him for
more. Removing the moistened finger he
brought it up to her ass and slowly slid it into her.
She couldn’t help
crying out from the intense and unexpected pleasure his touch created.
Kevin moved his
hands around her shoulders and held her tightly while Howie brought her to new
heights. He continued to watch as Howie
prepared himself with the baby oil he had brought back to the bed with
him. Kevin moved his lips over her
temple as he saw Howie position himself behind her. He found her mouth again and crushed his lips against hers as he
felt her tensing up. “Relax, baby…” he
whispered.
She clung to his
lips and then buried her face into his neck as a scream formed in her
throat. Howie pushed himself into her
slowly, feeling her involuntary fight against him. He moved his right hand around to her clit and rubbed it
fiercely, aiding her in momentarily forgetting the pain enveloping her. She groaned and felt her juices flowing onto
Kevin’s cock buried deep inside her. Howie
took that opportunity to slide further into her.
She screamed
against Kevin’s neck again and then bit down on him gently. She screamed for
him, she screamed for both of them.
They found a fair steady rhythm. Michelle could only moan and whimper against Kevin as both men
loved her like she’d never been loved before.
Their strokes increased and within moments the room was filled
with incoherent moaning as all three found their release.
Howie collapsed against her back and wrapped his arms around
her waist. Kevin ran his hands through
her hair and kissed her face with a dozen little kisses as his shudders
quieted. Michelle struggled to catch
her breath and allowed her body to go limp between the two men.
Howie rolled off her and stretched out alongside them. She slipped from Kevin to nestle between
them. Howie wrapped his arms around her
and pulled her close.
“Oh, baby,
I love you so much,” he kissed both of her eyes, each of her cheeks and then
met her lips with his. She returned his
feverish need by pulling him tightly to her and crying his name into his
throat.
Kevin
breathed deeply before quietly sliding off the bed and heading into the
bathroom. He ran a cool cloth across
his glistening face and then pulled another washcloth from the cabinet and ran
it under hot water.
When he returned to the room, Howie and Michelle were just
breaking apart. Kevin went back to his
spot on the bed and gently washed her bottom for her. She turned to him, not surprised at his thoughtfulness or gentleness,
and leaned over to kiss him gently.
Howie pried the cloth from Kevin’s hands and cleaned himself as he
watched the sweet kisses and whispered words of love being exchanged between
the other two.
Michelle
finally rolled back and stared deeply into Howie’s eyes, hoping he could read
the desire and love in them. She gently
ran her fingers along his cheek while running her tongue across his lips. “I love you. Thank you.”
“I love
you,” he replied, growing hard against her.
He shifted more comfortably on his side and grinned down at her. “You
okay?”
She smiled sexily, “Never better.”
He chuckled and looked over to Kevin. “You okay, Kevin?”
Slightly taken aback at Howie’s sincere question, Kevin merely
nodded and then looked back down at Michelle.
She pulled his face down towards herself and kissed his cheeks. “I love you, Kevin.”
Overwhelmed with so many emotions, he groaned slightly. “God, I love you, hon.” Their lips met
delicately.
Howie snuggled closer to them and ran his hand languidly from
her breast to her hip. His growing need
took over and he positioned himself behind her once again and gently eased
himself into her. She pressed herself
back against him and raised her leg over his.
Howie took his time and made slow love to her as Kevin and Michelle
shared sweet loving kisses.
The End
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