Garden
By: Louise
Kevin blinked once, twice. His thoughts were
hazy, vague with confusion, as he regarded his surroundings. The field to the
left... the path that wound by the trees in front of him... the grouping of
pines...
It was the Camp. He had been coming to this
place ever since he'd been a boy. It was a familiar spot, and the bench he was
seated on was his favorite. Instead of bringing a smile to his face, however,
he felt a stab of panic. How-
How had he gotten here?
The Camp seemed deserted, an unusual state
on such a sunny day. There should be kids running and laughing, people
strolling along the pathways, staff within eyesight ... but there was no one.
No activity, no movement save the swaying of branches in the light breeze. He
stood uncertainly, his confusion growing. Apprehensively he scanned the area,
not understanding what had happened. He'd been...
Kevin stopped, unable to remember what he'd
been doing. Concentrating didn't help; he couldn't seem to clarify his memory.
He recalled bits and pieces of rehearsal with the guys, but that had been at
night. Now it was early afternoon.
He started down the trail cautiously. Surely
someone would come along any moment and break the surreal spell that was cast
on the Camp; he thought of calling out but it seemed foolish. He continued
along for five minutes, encountering no one at all. The lake was empty, no
canoes cutting across the glassy surface, no daredevil rope-swingers plunging
into the cool water from the heavy oak branch dedicated to that purpose. There
was not a sign of life anywhere, not even birdsong in the trees. His puzzlement
began to grow into fear as a chill swept through him. He called out, not
worried anymore about being foolish, but got no reply. The sky above him took
on a greenish cast, disturbing the young singer even more.
"Hello? Anyone here? What's going
on?" he shouted, striving to keep the fear out of his voice. A creaking
sound behind him spun him back towards the central Lodge; then, the sharp and
unmistakable thwak of an axe splitting wood broke the stillness. He
practically ran towards the noise, fear and trepidation on his heels. Kevin
slowed his step as he reached the clearing, wondering who he was about to meet.
He stopped when he spied a figure ahead of him. The person… it was a man, with
dark hair and a tall stature… had his back to Kevin as he swung an axe at yet
another log. He approached with a good deal of puzzlement; a moment later, an
odd feeling of anxiety flashed through him as the figure stopped, gathered the
split wood, and tossed them on a pile nearby. There was something terribly
familiar…
When the man turned fully around, Kevin
froze.
The shock of seeing who it was stole his
voice and blanked his thoughts for several heartbeats. The man simply stood
there, arms crossed, waiting for a response.
"D-Dad?" he said shakily, his
green eyes wide with disbelief. He took a few steps forward automatically.
"Kevin." He said the name
matter-of-factly, regarding his son with evenness.
"But... I..." Overwhelmed, he
stopped, fighting the mix of emotions that were trying to get control. A wash
of dizziness made the scene wobble and the elder Richardson reached out calmly
to steady him. Kevin stared at the hand on his arm and began to tremble.
"Let's sit down," came the
suggestion as the man nodded towards a nearby bench. Numbly Kevin complied,
finding his voice at last.
"Oh my God, Dad, is it... is it really
you? How? What-?"
Gerald smiled, the look bringing a thousand
memories with it. "It's me. Honest."
"You're... but you died!"
"Well, technically, yes. It doesn't
mean I stopped being."
"I don't understand," he said,
lost. Suddenly a thought occurred. "Wait. This is a dream, right?"
"No dream. This is very, very
real." The older man watched him closely, seeing the confusion evident in
green eyes. He saw another thought transform his son's face.
"Does that mean…" He paused, his
voice tinged with fear. "Am I... dead?"
At that, Gerald touched his son's shoulder.
With a gentle shake of his head he spoke. "Not dead, yet."
His simple statement chilled Kevin to his
very soul. He shivered in the sun, unable to feel the slightest warmth.
"What's happening? What is this place?"
His father sighed lightly. "This is
your, ah, Waiting Place. Where you must decide."
"Decide?"
"To live or die. To fight for life, or
to give up your physical self and move on."
"I still don't understand. You're
saying I'm on the brink of... of death? I feel fine! How could that be
true?"
"You were always so impatient," he
declared, softening the words with a smile. "I'm not sure I can explain,
but I'll try. Something has happened to you, injuring your body in the physical
world. The injuries are severe, but you have the capacity to survive. The
capacity, but not, apparently, the commitment. Which brings me to an important
question: why are you here?"
"Why? But I don't know what's-"
"All your life you have been a fighter,
Kev. You've reveled in living, devoted your life's work to improving the world
around you. Yet, here you are. That fact speaks volumes to me, and I've been
sent to discover what's going on. What's happened that your will to survive is
so diminished?"
"But of course I want to live!" he
said defiantly.
With a disapproving frown Gerald replied,
"You are here. This is no mistake. Kevin," he said quietly,
"talk to me. We shared everything during our time together. I see the pain
around you, feel your despair. You're tired, son, I can see it in your eyes.
That kind of weariness disturbs me. It's not like you; tell me what's been
going on."
Kevin regarded his father for a long moment,
knowing he would be able to see the truth. A glance at the sky, darkening as he
watched, gave him time to summon a bit of courage. "Yeah," he said at
last. "I guess I am… tired. I don't know if I can handle being… being who
I'm supposed to be any more. Lately, things haven't been..." He paused.
"They've been difficult."
"What things?" came the gentle
prompt.
It took a moment before he could speak.
"Everything." His voice was shaky and the trembling began again.
"Dad, I feel like that no matter how much I do, it's not enough."
"This isn't about your music, is
it?" Gerald said slowly.
"The music is going well," Kevin
said, shifting a bit. "Better than ever, actually. I've been doing some
new stuff-" He cut off his words, dismissing the thought. "No, the
music is fine. We just finished touring, and are getting ready to work on some
new material for the next album." He stared at his hands. "I'll
finally get a chance to spend some time with Kristen, once she comes back from
the West coast." Emerald eyes snapped up, staring at his father's face.
"Kristen, she- we got married-"
"I know, son," Gerald said with a
smile. "I was there. I can tell you love her; she is a wonderful woman.
You aren't having problems with her, are you?"
"Problems? Not any huge problems, but…
I never see her enough. The very idea of spending more than a few days in each
other's company seems alien. I want to be a good husband to her, but it's kind
of hard when we're not together. I feel like I'm failing her."
"She said this?"
"No, of course not. But still…"
"What about the Boys? You not getting
along?"
Kevin looked uncomfortable. "It's not
that we're not getting along, it's just… I'm not sure how to handle some issues
that have come up recently."
"Issues, such as…"
"Well, take Nick," Kevin said,
exasperated. "He keeps doing these things that he knows bother me,
and it's beginning to drive me crazy. I'm getting sick of his… his antics.
Every time I get on his case, straighten things out, he goes right back and
does something even more ridiculous."
"Sounds like he's looking for some
attention."
"I'm not his father," Kevin
declared. "I'm not the one who is supposed to be keeping him in line and
doling out discipline. He's too old for that stuff."
"Maybe he's not looking for a father
figure, Kevin. Maybe he's looking for a friend."
"Then why act like a kid?" came
the reply.
"I suspect that's all he's ever known,
with you. He's young, yes, but not that young. He's about your age when
the group started, you realize. He needs a friend, I'm thinking, but doesn't
know quite how to go about it. Changing relationships is hard at best."
"Well, it's not just Nick..."
Kevin cast his gaze to the ground once again. "There's AJ."
"I thought you two got along just
fine."
"Dad, there's something that's going on
with him, what I don't know. He's changing, getting wilder and… I don't know,
it's like he's buying into that whole public image thing. I feel like I should
step in and give him advice, but he's not listening. Sometimes I think he's on
the verge of letting me in, then the door slams. I don't know what I'm supposed
to do, how I can fix things."
"You can't solve anyone's troubles but
your own, Kevin," Gerald said. "AJ has to follow his own path, make
his own mistakes. You are doing exactly what you should be doing… being there
in case he needs you. He'll have to face his own problems by himself, when the
time is right."
"So I'm supposed to watch him crash and
burn?" Kevin said incredulously.
"If that's what's meant to be,
yes," came the flat reply. "But don't worry, he's stronger than even
he realizes. What about the rest?"
"Howie, he's been doing great, he's
getting really involved in other projects, I barely see him when we're not on
tour. I'm glad he's so busy, but… I dunno. Brian is kind of the same way. We
hardly ever spend time together, he's always so focused on Leigh. I miss some
of that, that closeness." He frowned. "That sounds really whiney and
childish, doesn't it?"
"No," the older man said.
"Wanting closeness in your life is all part of being human." Gerald
regarded the sky for a moment. "You got a lot of responsibility on your
shoulders, Kev… been that way for a long time. Tell me, son, who do you turn to
when it's your time to be comforted?"
"I…"
"Kristen is there, I know; that's part
of what being married is all about. But you said yourself you don't see her
that often. So what do you do?"
"I don't know," Kevin said
defeatedly. "I… there's no one."
"Is that because no one cares, or
because you don't let too many in on your problems, give them the chance to
help out?"
The question generated a small bit of pain.
"Well…"
"Kevin," his father cut in
sharply. "Answer the question, and I want to hear it true."
Kevin took a deep breath and felt his
shoulders slump. "I don't think I should need anyone's support, Dad."
"Not good enough."
Kevin stood and did a quick pace. Turning
back to his awaiting father, he ran his hand through his hair and said,
"I'm supposed to be a role model, the sensible one, the steadiest and most
level-headed. I should be able to handle my problems on my own without relying
on anyone else."
Surprisingly, the older man laughed.
"Is that what you've convinced yourself to believe? Who do you think you
are, Kevin? You don't have a big 'S' on your chest, and that ain't a red cape
flying behind you. What would you say if someone… Nick for instance… told you
exactly what you've just told me?"
"That's different," Kevin argued.
"Nick's still a kid, he-"
"You still have a lot of growing to do,
yourself," came the firm interruption. "You've had a lot on your
plate, son. I know it hasn't been easy, and you've had to be tough to survive.
But there's a lesson you seem to have skipped: there's no shame in leaning on
others. It's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength."
Kevin was hit by the words. Not too long
ago, he'd heard them come from another person, someone who had been worried
about him. He blinked, then raised his eyes to his father's. "Nick said
the exact same thing a while back."
"Hmm," Gerald said. "Maybe
he's not such a kid after all, huh?"
Kevin had no answer.
After a moment, the older man stood and
walked over to his son, putting an arm across his shoulder. "All these
things might be troubling you enough, but I think there's something else you're
not telling. There's something big that drove you here, to this place, to me. I
want to know."
"Dad, it's…"
"Kevin," came the soft plea.
"This is serious. There's a lot at stake here. You know what I am
referring to."
Despite the fear that churned in his
stomach, Kevin swallowed and cleared his throat. "Yeah, I do. But it's so
damned hard."
"All the important stuff is."
Kevin stared at the ground. He had never
really told anyone about the incident, and it wasn't easy to find the words.
Finally, in a voice that was just above a whisper, he began.
"When we're not touring, we do some
charity stuff for local hospitals and such. Sometimes we visit the children's
wards, sometimes we sing, a lot of times we hold special autograph sessions.
Nothing much, but it seems to cheer up the kids that are having a tough
time." He paused, wincing. "Well, there was this young girl, just 12
years old, named Anna. She had written this letter… she said I was her
favorite, and that it was her dream to meet me. We get a lot of letters like
that, but there was something about it… I don't know. She said that when we had
come through her hospital, she hadn't been able to make because of some tests
she was having done, but wanted to thank us for thinking of kids like her. I
tracked down her number and spoke to her on the phone one day, she was so
thrilled. It was only five minutes, but I felt like I'd done some good. She
seemed so full of laughter and energy... you should have heard the excitement
in her voice. I told her that we'd planned another stop at the hospital she was
in near the end of the month, and that I'd make a special point to meet her in
person if she was still there. I almost forgot about her during the next few
days, but then I got this urgent message. It was her mother-"
He stopped, swallowing against the pain.
"She said that Anna had a sudden bad turn and there didn't seem to be a
lot of time left. The doctors didn't hold out much hope, so she was wondering
if I could come and bring the smile back to her daughter's face one last
time." Tears glistened in Kevin's eyes as he remembered. "How could I
refuse?" he said. "Of course, I went, but they didn't tell me what
was wrong with her, she'd never mentioned it and I forgot to ask. When I got
there, she-" He stopped, clenching his jaw. He could still see the
horribly thin girl, her face as pale as the white sheet beneath her, tubes and
wires…
"She what, son?" Gerald prompted
gently.
"On the phone, she was so... so
cheerful, full of life, Dad. In just those five minutes we spoke, she actually
got me to laugh, can you believe it? It was the first time I'd laughed like
that in a long time. She was such a pretty girl, too; she'd sent me a picture
with her letter. Her smile was like looking at a spot of sunshine in a dark
corner. B-but when I met her mother at the hospital, and she led me up to the
ward…"
"What happened?"
A tear trailed down Kevin's face as he met
his father's caring gaze. "I didn't realize where we were headed until I
saw the sign above the ward doors.. D-Dad, she had c-" He stopped, unable
to continue.
"She had cancer," the older man
finished. "Like me."
"Oh, God, yes," Kevin
cried. "All the terrible memories, all that pain, came flooding back. I
almost lost it, right then and there. I wanted to run down the hall, away from
that horrible place. But the look in her mother's eyes… I…"
"But you didn't leave, did you?"
he asked softly. "Despite how much it hurt."
Kevin's voice shook with emotion. "No,
I couldn't. I… I made myself go through the door. She was so pale, so thin. Her
skin seemed almost transparent. Her father was in there holding her hand, but
got up from his chair as soon as he saw me. He gave me a hug and thanked me for
coming, then stepped outside to be with his wife and give us some
privacy." Kevin blinked against the scene that was still so vivid in his
mind. "Anna was asleep, I could barely tell she was breathing. I sat down
and took her hand… it was so cold… but I didn't know what else to do. I sat
there for a while, I don't know how long, trying to figure out what to do next,
when she opened her eyes."
He took a deep breath. When he spoke again,
his voice was full of pain. "Her eyes had that glazed look… at first I
didn't think she saw me, but then they got wide as she realized who I was. She
smiled, Dad… but I could tell she knew exactly what was happening to her. She
gave me this smile and tried to clench my hand. I said hello and the first
words out of her mouth were to thank me f-for coming."
The words seized in his chest and he allowed
his father to guide him back to the bench. After a few deep breaths, he
continued.
"Gone was the excited, energetic girl I
met on the phone. Instead there was this… this shell. To see her that way,
lying there so helpless, s-so…" He fought for words. "So…"
"So like me."
Those three words of truth were all it took.
Kevin put his head in his hands and allowed all the loneliness and grief and
guilt and frustration to flood to the surface. He sobbed bitterly, heedless of
anything but the raw emotions that had taken over.
Gerald Richardson wrapped his arms around
his son, cradling him in an embrace. For several minutes, not a sound was heard
except for the ragged _expression of anguish coming from the young man who had
held so much in for so long. When the sobs had weakened, the older man finally
spoke.
"My son, you did make a difference. To
her… to me. There wasn't a thing you could have done to save her life,
or mine… but you made part of it very special. You've been holding on to the
pain so tight, never allowed it to ease. Kevin, I don't want you to have any
more pain because of what happened with Anna, or with me. Let it go. Let it all
go."
A new flood of tears escaped the Boy, much
to his dismay. But his father simply held him tighter, allowing the tears to
soak into his shirt. Kevin dimly remembered being comforted in much the same
way as a child, upset over nightmares or disappointments or injustices long
since forgotten. His father had always been there, back then. And for a moment,
Kevin allowed himself to be consoled.
It didn't last long. Kevin fought for
control, fought against the heaviness of despair that threatened to drown him.
He returned his father's embrace tightly, in thanks, before he drew back a bit.
Trembling with reaction, he fought to steady his hands as he wiped away the
wetness on his cheeks. Only then did he become aware of what was happening
around him. The sky above had darkened ominously and he looked at it with a
pensive, confused _expression.
His father followed his gaze. "Time is
almost up. There's something I have to show you before you leave, before you
make your decision. Come on, walk with me."
Kevin rose slowly, taking the offered hand.
They walked a short distance until he saw a large flower garden to the right.
He knew it shouldn't be in the Camp, but for some reason it simply… belonged
there.
"This is your Garden, son. It
represents the good work you have done in your lifetime. You have so many
beautiful flowers here. For every person you have truly helped, for every
effort you've made to better your world, for everyone who has been touched by
your love and kindness and strength, there is a flower."
"But... it's not even halfway
full," he commented carefully.
His father remained silent while Kevin
thought of the implications of his statement.
After a moment, Gerald pointed to a
particularly beautiful purple bloom. "This one, here, belongs to the
little girl that recently Crossed. Anna."
"I didn't do anything for her," he
said bitterly. "She could barely talk, just ten minutes passed before she
fell asleep. She…" He swallowed hard. "She died that night, so they
told me later."
"But you were there to hold her hand,
when she was scared and in need of some magic. You gave her something to smile
about, even so close to her ending. Because of you, her last day was special.
It was a gift beyond price to her."
A red flash, like lightning, lit the sky
with a strange intensity. Off in the distance Kevin heard an odd wailing, too
elusive to identify.
"Kevin, you have a lot of chances ahead
of you, a lot of opportunities to make a difference somewhere. You can do so
much for the environment, with your JWR foundation… you can be a great example
to countless young people with your music and ideals. Kristen needs you in her
life, there's so much in front of you there too. I'm proud of what you've
accomplished so far, but son… you have so much potential. You can do even more,
help in even bigger ways. You doubt your strength, your abilities… but you have
to push past that doubt. There's a battle ahead of you, one that you are
capable of winning if you want to. Really want to."
"A battle?"
"For your very survival," he said
gravely. "My son, the time to choose is at hand. I know your life is not
easy right now, but it is this life that you must fight to keep. I don't think
your work on Earth is done, but that's really your decision. Just think on what
I said. Consider how many people you have enriched by coming into their lives.
Think of how many more there are in need of your help and generosity, of the
potential you have of creating happiness. Don't underestimate yourself.
Remember, things change. People change, situations arise, emotions grow and
fade. The future is unknowable, always in flux. What seems a hopeless situation
one day can be resolved on another. Hope is worth holding on to, Kev. You must
keep your dreams alive with every bit of the strength you posses. They are too
important, you are too important to waste the chance."
"Can you tell me what's going to happen
in the future? With the group, with Kris and our plans?"
"I can't say what is in store for you
and Kristen, but remember that should you choose not to fight this battle, all
the dreams you began with her will vanish. It's the same with the others. They
all love you so very much, I have no doubt that they would fight for
you, if that were possible. But it's up to you, and you only."
Suddenly Kevin felt wetness on his shirt.
When he looked down, he felt a stab of panic mixed with confusion. His entire
shirtfront was covered in blood. An icy chill swept past him and he shivered
violently against it.
"What the-?"
A red flash, followed seconds later by
another. The wail was intensifying, beginning to modulate slightly.
"You are being drawn back, Kevin. Your
time is at hand." Gerald smiled and gave him a quick, last hug.
"Remember you are always loved, and that you are never truly alone."
"Dad, wait!" he cried as his
father stepped back. Before he could utter a single word more, his father
vanished in a blink.
********
TWO
He felt a stab of pain in his side, then
another from his leg. The wail became an urgent howl as the light above began
to flash in rapid succession. A huge burst of pain hit him all at once and he
fell on the ground, curled in agony. Sounds began amplifying, confusing in
their complexity and volume. The Camp faded away and he was suddenly aware of
coldness and the sensation of water on his face. Loud noises... voices, he
realized... echoed above him in the dark. Something grasped his shoulders,
hard. There was a huge sound like tortured metal being ripped, and an immense
burst of fresh pain…
He had to concentrate with every bit of
energy to focus. A face, hovering overhead, familiar but not quite...
Howie.
It was Howie, and he was saying something
that sounded urgent. Kevin frowned as he fought for clarity. He opened his
mouth to reply but was unable to make any sound other than a groan. For a brief
moment everything faded, then snapped back into focus.
"...come on, Bro... Look at me. Kevin?
Can you hear me?" came Howie's desperate plea.
"H- unh…"
"Easy there," said a stranger's
voice. It belonged with a face he didn't know. "We just got you out of the
car, you need to keep calm. Where does it hurt? Leg?"
Kevin found that if he steeled himself, he
could nod briefly.
"How about your side?"
A wave of blinding pain shot through him,
nearly blotting out his consciousness. It was hard to pinpoint a specific spot,
it was coming from so many places, but he finally nodded.
"Okay. Kevin, hang in there. The
ambulance just arrived and they'll be getting you to the hospital right
away."
"Where's… Howie…" he managed to
croak.
"Right here," came the worried
reply from his side. "I'm right here, Kev. I called the guys, they were
only about fifteen minutes behind us. Just… take it easy." Howie was
trying hard to be calm, but even in his current state Kevin could hear the
panic in his voice.
The ambulance's flashing red lights came
close, its sirens going silent as it pulled up. He was drifting in and out of
awareness, seeking an anchor in the chaos.
"Dad?" he called raggedly,
searching for that comfort once again. There was no reply at first, then he
heard one phrase echo gently through his mind:
Courage, son, you are
not alone.
Kevin felt a wash of warmth and caught an
image of flowers bobbing in the breeze. Hundreds of flowers...
"...was that? What did you say?"
the rescue worker asked as he went about his task.
"Dad," he sighed softly, reassured
by the image. "Dad..."
"Kevin, focus, okay? Don't go out on me
again…" he heard Howie say desperately.
"Yes... will t-try. Will...
fight..." Kevin whispered in promise.
Uncertainly, Howie watched his brother shift
focus. The light behind green eyes faded as he slipped into unconsciousness.
"Dammit, hang in there," he urged.
"Don't let this thing get you."
"It's going to be all right," the
rescue worker said to the distraught Howie. "It's best he isn't awake when
we try to move him. I need you to step aside and let the others through."
Howie stood uncertainly, not knowing quite
what to do next. Hearing a shout, he turned to see Nick, who had just arrived
with AJ. The pair rushed toward the wrecked car.
"Where's Brian?" he asked before
they had stopped.
"He's over there talking to a
cop," said AJ with a gesture. "Trying to get some information."
"Oh my God!" the youngest cried
when he saw the twisted metal and broken glass. "H-Howie?" he asked,
his voice a pitch above normal. He couldn't bring himself to look past the
vehicle, did not want to see…
"There was this car, it ran us off the
road, right into the telephone pole," came the rushed explanation.
"The rain made things worse," he added unnecessarily.
"Are… are you okay?" AJ
wrenched his eyes from the prone figure on the ground to his clearly panicked
friend.
"I'm fine, I think. Just some
scratches. We hit… on the driver's side," Howie managed to say. "He…
it looks pretty bad."
Nick forced himself to look down but was
uprepared for what he found. He let out a gasp; Kevin's clothing was covered
with blood, the large cut on his forehead flowing freely despite the
worker's attempts to apply pressure. His leg was at an unnatural angle,
obviously broken... his skin was paler than he'd thought possible. Bruises had
already started to form along his jaw… his labored breathing rattled
disturbingly, audible even from a distance. This isn't Kevin, it can't
be…this isn't happening…
"Has he been awake at all? Did he say
anything?" AJ asked, moving out of the way of the paramedics who had just
arrived.
"He's been pretty much out of it, he
was calling for someone for a bit," Howie said, letting a professional
rescue worker take his place at Kevin's side.
"Who?" he asked.
"His Dad," Howie provided.
"We- whoa!"
His cry snapped AJ's attention over to Nick,
who was staring in utter shock at the scene. His face drained of color; an
instant later the blond's eyes rolled upwards and it was all AJ could do to
keep him from hitting the wet pavement face first. With Howie's help, they
lowered Nick to the ground.
Brian ran over, his blue eyes wild.
"What happened?"
"Nicky-" AJ began.
"Kevin!" Brian exclaimed as he
looked beyond the youngest. He automatically moved forward, trying to reach his
cousin's side, but Howie held him back.
"No, Bri, let them work. Let them do
their job," he urged.
"What happened?" Brian demanded
again. "Howie, did you get hurt?"
"I don't know how, but I barely got a
scratch," the dark-haired man answered.
"You'll need to be checked out,
sir," said a calm voice behind them. "Can you come this way with
me?"
Gently, the paramedic took Howie by the arm
and led him away from the scene while another crouched by the slightly stirring
Nick. Brian and AJ hovered anxiously while the new paramedic glanced their way.
"Was he involved in the accident?"
the woman asked, turning back to her charge and checking for signs of
awareness.
"No, he just kind of passed out after
he saw- saw Kevin lying there," AJ managed to explain.
"Yeah, he's kind of shocky, but I think
he'll be okay. Are you related?"
"We're family," Brian supplied
without hesitation.
"What's his name?" she asked.
"Nick," AJ said.
The paramedic leaned close and checked pupil
response and pulse, then listened to his breathing for a moment. With a nod,
she leaned forward and called to him in a loud voice. After a couple of tries
and a small ammonia tablet held under his nose, Nick gasped and leapt into the
conscious world once again.
Confusion gave way to embarrassment rather
quickly, and a hot blush replaced the pallor of his skin when he realized that
a paramedic… a woman paramedic… was staring at him very intently.
Brian crouched down and put a hand on his
best friend's shoulder. "Frack, you okay now?"
"Yeah, I didn't mean to… to pass
out," he mumbled.
The paramedic patted his arm and gave him a
kind smile. "It's perfectly understandable, it happens a lot more than you
might think. Let's all get out of this drizzle, if you feel like you can stand
now."
Nick was grateful for her professional
attitude, and felt a bit of his embarrassment vanish. "Yeah, I can walk,
I'm okay."
AJ supported his elbow for the first shaky
steps until Nick grew steady. By the time they reached the rescue unit he was
doing fine. He turned and looked past Brian just in time to see Kevin lifted
onto a stretcher.
"K-Kevin?" he said in a trembling
voice.
"He's is in good hands, the best,"
the paramedic assured him. "Are you feeling okay now, hon?"
"Um, yeah, I think so," came the
distracted reply.
"Okay then. I've got to ride in with
the squad, I imagine you will want to come to the hospital in your vehicle. Do
you know where Mercy Memorial is located?"
"Yes ma'am," Brian said as the
ambulance doors shut on both Howie and the still-unconscious Kevin.
"Good. Drive carefully, now, you don't
want to add to the drama any more tonight."
The three remaining Boys stood there numbly,
the impact of the accident and what had happened taking its toll. Finally, as
the ambulance pulled away, Brian found his voice.
"Let's get going, guys. There's a ton
of calls and stuff we have to make once we get there."
The ride to the hospital was completed in
silence.
******
THREE
Kevin drifted through a gray fog that seemed
boundless. Muffled sounds came and went, strange flashes of light appeared
unexpectedly. Once, the fog cleared for a brief moment and he found himself
staring up at a friend: Howie. He saw dark eyes open wide and a mouth move to
speak, but the fog returned before he could catch the words.
Eventually things began to clarify and he
found he could distinguish mechanical sounds from voices. With effort, he
concentrated on the voices, trying to comprehend what was being said. There
were two people nearby, their low, rapid words difficult to understand. A
little more concentration...
"...told me that it could be any time
now. Howie swears he woke up once. He says Kev seemed to recognize him but went
out before he could ask him anything." Brian?
"He'll be in a world of hurt when he
comes to. He's got a hell of a lot of healing to do." AJ.
"We'll be there for him, Bro. He's done
so much for us, for the family."
"Yeah. You know, he's lucky he even
survived. That car… it was a miracle he came out of it at all. I still don't
know how D skated with just a minor concussion."
A voice came closer. Brian's voice.
"Hang in there, cuz," he said
softly. "We're pulling for you. I don't know if you can hear me,
but-"
"Bri..." Kevin breathed, surprised
he could speak. With an Olympic effort he opened his eyes and tried to focus.
Images- a face, a light, a curtain- whirled dizzily before him and he inhaled
deeply, trying to steady the scene. When things finally began to settle down he
saw his cousin's worried face hovering above him. The look of concern there
touched him deeply; he tried for a smile but didn't really succeed. It seemed
much easier to simply shut his eyes again…
"Kevin! Try to stay awake... AJ's gone
to get the doctor."
"Not want... doctor," he said,
frowning.
Brian smiled nervously. "You're a
patient for the time being, and doctors come with the territory. How's the
pain?"
"Pain..." He considered it.
"No pain. Feel... kinda strange. Dizzy. Fuzzy."
"No wonder. They said you've got a
concussion, among other things. Do you remember what happened?"
"Um. Went to... to the Camp. He told
me..."
"He? Who, Kev?"
"Dad. He told me about my... about my
Garden."
Brian frowned. "Your garden?" he
inquired carefully.
"Yeah. He took me to-"
"Well, Mr. Richardson, I see you're
finally awake!" said a voice full of cheer. "I'm Dr. Linda
Meyers," she said as she glanced over a clipboard. "You've had quite
an evening. How are you feeling?"
"I'm not sure," he said hollowly.
All at once his energy seemed to desert him and he shut his eyes for a moment.
"I... don't..."
In an assuring, gentle tone, the doctor
said, "Easy there. You've been through the wringer. Don't exhaust
yourself. It's going to be okay."
Kevin felt a hand on his arm. He summoned
the will to open his eyes again, just long enough to see the woman watching him
carefully. "Your body is telling you to rest, and that's what you need
most right now. Don't worry, we can talk more when you wake the next
time." She made a few notes on the chart and left quietly once she was
assured that Kevin was resting properly.
From the other side of the bed, Brian
watched Kevin's emerald eyes cloud over as he drifted under once again. Not for
the first time he felt a wave of anxiety. To see Kevin this way, to know how
close he'd come to death, sent a chill through the blond. He'd always hated
hospitals, and now…
AJ moved close and said, "I'll go check
on Howie and Nick if you want to stay here for a while."
"Yeah, thanks, Bone." He pulled a
chair next to the bed and began the wait.
*******
"D?" AJ said as he came into the
room. Sure enough, Nick was nearby, looking utterly lost.
"C'mon in," Howie said, gesturing.
"They want me to stay the night for observation. They say I have a mild
concussion, but it's nothing to worry over."
AJ sat down and ran a hand across his face.
"What the hell happened, D?"
Howie took a measured breath. "It all
went so fast, some of it's just a blur. We were driving along and everything
was fine, we were not even doing the speed limit… you know good old law-abiding
Kevin."
"Oh, yeah."
"I remember he turned to me and said
something, and I looked up just in time to see this pair of headlights…"
Howie suppressed a shudder. "I don't think the other car even stopped. Kev
lost control of our car and the next thing I know there was this terrible noise
and I was seeing stars. I guess I might have been out of it for a minute or so,
but when I got my senses back I realized that Kevin was hurt, bad. My cell was
in my pocket, and I called 911… then you guys. He wouldn't wake up, and I got
out to see if I could pry open the driver's door. It was jammed tight, so I
just had to… to wait," he said in an increasingly shaky voice.
AJ reached over and grasped his friend's
arm. "There's no way I would have been that cool-headed, D. You did
good."
"To see him bleeding like that, so pale
and-"
"You did the right thing," AJ
insisted. "Don't beat yourself up over something you had no control
over."
Nick, who had been uncharacteristically
silent the entire time, finally spoke.
"Is Kevin going to die?" he
whispered, his azure eyes wide and frightened.
AJ was surprised at how young Nick sounded
in that moment. Feeling older by decades rather than just two years, he turned
to the blond and said, "They're watching him real close, Nicky. He's not
going to die."
"You don't know that!" came the
sudden outburst as the youngest leapt to his feet. "What if there's
something they forgot to look for? What if they-"
"Nick, calm down…"
"How am I supposed to be calm
when Kevin is-"
"What's going on here?" came a
stern voice from the doorway.
"Sorry, ma'am," Howie said to the
scowling nurse. "We didn't mean to get loud."
"Aren't you with Mr. Richardson?"
she asked after studying the trio. "Brought in a while ago from a car
accident?"
"Yeah," he said. "How is he
doing?"
"I'm afraid I'm not assigned to his
section," she said. "If you promise to keep the noise level down,
I'll find out for you if you'd like."
"Thanks," Howie said with a slight
nod.
The moment she left, Nick walked to the
window and fixed his gaze on the darkness beyond. The flare of panic he'd let
get the best of him a moment ago had vanished, and he felt foolish at his
outburst.
AJ and Howie exchanged glances. At a nod
from the older man, AJ moved to their brother's side.
"Chaos?" he said carefully.
"Sorry," came the tense reply.
Nick didn't turn around.
"It's okay, we're all worried. Why
don't you trade places with Brian for a while? You haven't seen Kevin since we
arrived here."
"No," Nick said flatly. Images of
blood and pale flesh assaulted his vision. "I… no. You go."
"I've been," AJ said, frowning.
"I think you need to see him."
"You don't have a c-clue what I
need," Nick said, his voice catching slightly. Without as much as a look
at the two other Boys, he spun on his heel and fled the room.
AJ made a move to follow but was stopped by
Howie. "No, let him go. He needs to get a handle on things first, he'll be
back."
"Damn, Howie," AJ said, rubbing at
his eyes. "This has been one hell of a night."
"Yeah," came the tired agreement.
*******
FOUR
Nick walked down the hall blindly, trying
desperately to resist the tears that threatened. With each step he berated
himself for his weakness, his ridiculous behavior first at the accident scene
and then in Howie's room. He nearly collided with someone as he cleared a
corner; quick reflexes saved them both from a mishap. He mumbled an apology,
not even looking the person in the eye, and ducked into an open elevator. He
didn't know where he was going, he only wanted to get away.
He sniffed back the threat of tears and bit
the inside of his lip, determined not to have yet another embarrassing public
display. The other two occupants, a woman and a small girl, barely glanced his
way, a fact he was deeply grateful for. When the elevator stopped at their
floor, he exited as well. He had walked down the corridor a fair distance
before he saw the sign hung above: Neonatal Care. He paused for a
second, not quite sure what that meant, then realized he was on the 'baby' floor.
He needed time and solitude to get his thoughts sorted, and he seriously
doubted AJ or Brian would think to look for him in that particular ward. He
figured that until someone told him to leave, he'd hang out there for a while.
There was a small alcove that fit his needs
perfectly. Surrounded by windows that looked out across the hospital grounds,
the seating area was comfortable and, more importantly, empty. He chose a chair
facing the central window and sank down gracelessly. He rubbed his eyes tiredly,
and took a few deep breaths as he settled down to think.
The horrifying image of Kevin bleeding onto
the wet, black pavement sprang to mind almost instantly, and he choked back a
sob. He shook his head in defiance, willing the vision to fade. He'd never seen
his oldest brother so helpless, so… vulnerable. For some reason, the idea that
Kevin could be hurt, seriously hurt, didn't seem possible. He was one of the
strongest people he knew. For the life of him, Nick couldn't wrap his mind
around the idea that Kevin was… that he might…
That he might die.
The thought sent a terrified chill through
his soul. How could it have happened that quickly? Not twenty minutes before
the accident, they had all been joking and making plans for the next day. He'd
never seen an accident scene up close; it was a million times worse than
anything he'd imagined, anything he'd seen at the movies or on television. He
wished he could go back and erase the images, change what had happened, but he
knew he couldn't.
He didn't understand how the others were
staying so together. Didn't they realize how bad things were? AJ said that
Kevin had asked for his father, called out like he could see him. That was the
most terrifying part of all: his father had died years ago, and that could only
mean that Kevin was just on the edge of death itself.
Nick wiped away the traitorous wetness on
his cheek and drew his knees up, wrapping his arms around them and lowering his
head. He simply couldn't imagine Kevin not being in his life any more. Who
would he turn to when he needed advice or answers? Who could he go to with
problems about his career or love life? It was Kevin who had helped him
overcome homesickness, loneliness, and a few broken hearts over the years.
Kevin who had taken care of him when he was sick and needing comfort; Kevin who
helped him believe in his dreams and to strive for more. There were some new
issues he'd wanted opinions on, some really big stuff; now, he wasn't sure
Kevin would be around to ask. And what would happen to the BSB? He didn't even
know what life would be like without the group, had never seriously considered
it. He wasn't sure he could do anything else.
He couldn't help the tears that slipped past
his resolve. How long he sat like that he had no clue, but eventually the
pounding in his head grew too intense to ignore. He unfolded, stretched, and
leaned forward toward the windows and the night beyond.
His thoughts were interrupted by a rather
pronounced growl from his stomach. He glanced at his watch, dully noting that
it was past midnight. His headache hitched up a degree and he decided that
finding a soda machine would be his best bet.
First, though, he found a restroom so he
could splash some cold water on his face. He stared in shock when he caught his
reflection in the mirror: he looked like hell. His eyes were red and swollen;
tear tracks were easily visible on his overly pale face. It took a few minutes
and a lot of cold water to make himself minimally presentable. He resumed his
quest, looking -if not feeling- somewhat better.
There was a row of snack machines not too
far away and he quickly made a selection. He had no appetite, but the soda was
cold and sweet, and the bubbles seemed to calm his stomach a bit. He walked
back to the alcove and resumed his seat, lost in thought once again.
A reflection in the glass broke him out of
his mental wanderings. He turned around out of mild curiosity; he was met by a
pair of weary, dark eyes. It was a girl… no, a woman… about his age, her
extended tummy evidence of her advanced pregnancy. She looked worn out, as if
she hadn't rested in days. She managed a thin smile.
"Hi," she said as she rubbed her
lower back with one hand.
"Hi there," he replied
uncertainly.
"Am I intruding?" she asked
tiredly.
"No, here… sit down," he said,
quickly getting up and offering his seat.
"There's plenty of chairs," she
said with a vague look of puzzlement.
"This one has the best view," he
provided. "Are you… okay?"
She lowered herself awkwardly onto the chair
and let out a large breath. "I will be as soon as Junior here decides to
stop faking me out and make his debut."
"Huh?"
"I've been in labor all day," she
said unhappily. At his alarmed look, she gave him a truer smile. "Don't
worry, I'm not about to give birth during the next ten minutes. You're
safe."
He ran a hand through his hair and relaxed a
bit. "Is this, um, your first baby?"
"Yeah," she said, patting her
stomach. "Might be my last if he doesn't get the ball rolling. Don't
believe that 'joys of motherhood' story for a second."
Nick didn't know how to reply, so he
remained silent.
"My name's Jeannie," she said.
"I'm Nick," he answered.
"I know," she said, surprising
him. "I recognized your face. It figures that I'd meet someone famous when
I look my absolute worst."
"I think you look great," he
blurted before he could stop himself.
She laughed. "You're being kind, but
thanks. How come you're here? Girlfriend having a baby?"
"Oh, no," he said, blushing
a bit. "No, my… someone I know was in an accident earlier. I kinda needed
to get away for a while, you know?"
"And here I am bothering you." She
struggled to rise, accepting his hand when offered. "I'm sorry. I should
be walking anyway."
"No, I… do you mind if I walk with you?
Ah, my legs need stretching." He hovered close, a slight look of
apprehension on his face.
She grinned. "Nick, trust me, I'm not
about to become a mother yet. But if you want to walk, sure. Come on."
They walked slowly down the corridor, past
the vending machines and on to a large glassed-in viewing area. There, behind
the windows, were eleven tiny babies dressed in blues and pinks. Jeannie
touched the cool surface of the glass and smiled.
"Beautiful, aren't they?" she said
in a soft voice. "But not as beautiful as my baby will be. I know
it."
Nick gazed at all the new life before them.
He looked at Jeannie's face and saw a tired but joyful smile there.
"I bet you're right," he said.
"Do you know if it will be a boy or a girl?"
"I chose to be surprised. All I really
want is a healthy baby."
"What names have you picked out?"
"I like Lauren Renee for a girl… but a
boy, hmm. I've always liked Nickolas Gene."
Azure eyes grew wide; he couldn't tell if
she were teasing or not. "Uh, wouldn't that bother your husband… er, or
boyfriend… whatever?"
At that, she smiled and gave a resolved
sigh. "Nope, he's out of the picture. It's me and Junior, just the two of
us." She sighed and stretched a little. "You know," she said
quietly, "I never expected it to be like this. All of a sudden, my life
will shift from being 'me, me, me' to 'him' or 'her'. I won't be the most
important person in my world any longer. That sounds strange, but I think it's
the best thing to ever happen to me. A year ago I was so self-centered it was
pathetic. But now, it's my turn to give, my turn to offer comfort and love and
caring." She gave another sigh and winced. "Sorry, chalk it up to
pregnancy hormones. I'm sure you don't need to hear me go on and on about my
personal philosophy on life."
"No, it's okay," he replied.
"It's something I never had to think about."
"Well, I better get back to my room
before they send out the search parties," Jeannie said. "Thanks for
talking, and good luck with your friend."
"Thanks, and good luck with the
baby." He watched as she shuffled away, thinking over her words as they
echoed in his head.
…A year ago I was so self-centered it was
pathetic. But now, it's my turn to give, my turn to offer comfort and love and
caring…
Nick realized, in a sudden burst of clarity,
that he had been acting incredibly selfish. Not an hour ago, he had been
agonizing about how much his life was going to change if something
happened to Kevin. About how it all would affect him, Nick Carter. How
self-centered was that? Jeannie was facing something so huge, yet she had
figured it out. Instead of thinking about himself, he shoud be focusing on
Kevin, on how to help him. And not only Kevin, the rest of his brothers, and
Kristen when she got there.
He blinked at the thought. Yes, Kevin needed
him, now more than ever. No matter what happened, he had to stop thinking about
himself. He only hoped he would be equal to the task.
********
FIVE
When Kevin drifted into the waking world
again he was greeted with a headache that seemed to grow with each passing
second. He flinched at its sharpness but fought against it, waiting as the pain
faded to a tolerable level. No one was there this time, but he found the call
button near his right hand and pressed. Only seconds passed before the door
opened and in stepped a nurse. Her friendly, efficient smile seemed to lighten
the room.
"I was on my way in here when I saw the
call flash. How are you doing?"
"Have a hell of a headache," he
replied, wincing a bit at the light.
"I'll ask the doctor if we can give you
some painkillers. There's no sense in suffering pain needlessly, your body has
enough to fight as it is."
"I remember... before. I saw you,
right?"
"That's right." She adjusted his
IV and checked his chart. "I've been checking on you for the last few
hours, but I didn't think you were awake enough to remember."
"How long have I been... here?"
"It's been a little while. Let me get
the doctor, Mr. Richardson. She'll want to speak to you now that you're
up."
In what seemed like just a few seconds the
doctor came in, giving him a slight grin. "Hello again, Mr. Richardson. I
see you're awake."
"Kevin," he breathed, "call
me… Kevin."
"Thank you," she said, moving
closer to his side. "Nurse Jones tells me you're in a bit of pain. That
true?"
"Yeah, m'head, and… and all over."
She scribbled something on the chart before
setting it down. While the nurse worked on the IV, the doctor felt his
forehead, then spoke in a soothing voice. "I need to ask you a few
questions, then I'll let you rest. Do you know why you're here, in the
hospital?"
"I think some kind of accident,"
he said slowly. "Howie, something about Howie… is he, he okay?"
"Howard Dorough? He's doing very well,
he had only slight injuries, mostly bruises and scrapes and a minor concussion.
We're keeping him here overnight just to be sure."
"I thought I saw him earlier."
"I heard he snuck in here to see
you," she smiled. "He wouldn't submit to treatment until he was sure
you were settled in. Your other friends are visiting with him now if I'm not
mistaken. The nurses had to practically drag one of them out of here a bit
ago."
"Who?" he asked tiredly.
"I'm not sure of his name He has dark
blond hair, sort of wavy, blue eyes, is about my height…"
"Brian," Kevin provided. "My
cousin."
She checked his vitals for a moment and
said, "Okay, Kevin, back to those questions. Do you know what day it
is?"
It should have been a simple question, but
he had a hard time figuring out the answer.
"Um… it's Saturday."
"Hmm. Okay. Actually it's a bit later
than that, but a little time loss is normal with a concussion like yours. What
do you remember about getting injured?"
It was difficult to think. Images flickered
but refused to stabilize, the pain began to increase and he stopped trying to
recall.
"No. It's all... confusing. Someone
said... they were saying something about a car crash. I don't seem to remember
much other than Howie was there."
"Understandable. Give it time, don't
force things."
"Was... was anyone else, ah, in...
involved?" he said slowly as the sedatives began taking effect.
"Just your car and a light pole, I
believe." She watched as his eyelids closed. "Rest now, Kevin. Get
some strength back."
He was enveloped in a cottony cloud not a
moment later. The doctor watched his vitals slow and made notes on his chart.
"You've got a long road ahead of
you," she muttered. "And it won't be easy."
*******
Brian hung up the phone and rubbed his eyes
tiredly. Normally it wouldn't have been up to him to handle things like
security measures, contacting management, getting insurance information, and
making whatever travel arrangements might be needed. But Kevin wasn't able to
take care of things in his usual efficient way…
A small twinge of pain came with the
thought. They'd always relied on Kevin to get things done, to keep things
organized and connected. In just a few hours, Brian was beginning to realize
how hard his cousin had to work to keep up the illusion of smoothness. Little
ruffled the eldest; now, however, it was all up to him and AJ to keep it
together. Nick was nowhere to be found, and Howie needed attention, not the
burden of responsibility.
Back in his room, Howie was resting
fitfully, the staff not allowing him to sleep normally because of his
concussion. It was obvious that he was feeling guilty over the accident, and
nothing Brian or AJ had said seemed to make a difference. The only reassurance
that would matter would have to come from Kevin himself… and there was no way
of telling when that might be.
AJ seemed to be holding up well; he hadn't
left Howie's side for hours but it wasn't due to worry or fear. Once the
initial shock of the accident had worn off, he'd proven to be calm and
matter-of-fact in his attitude. He had told Brian that since helping Kevin was
out of his hands, the least he could do was watch over Howie. His continued
attempts to distract the older man, and to keep him awake, showed just how much
he cared for his brother. AJ might be outwardly outrageous, encouraging his
wild and carefree reputation, but his loyalty ran true in the things that
mattered.
Brian's smile at the thought shifted as he
considered their youngest brother.
Nick's reactions scared him, truth be told.
No one had seen him since he'd fled Howie's room; despite the other Boys'
insistence that he'd be back when he was ready, Brian was concerned. He knew
Nick would never leave the hospital, but they hadn't been able to figure out
just where it was he had gone to. He'd checked a few places but lacked both the
energy and the patience to do a true search. They'd left a message at the
floor's nursing station, just in case he stopped there, but Brian didn't think
it would matter. Nick was scared, maybe more afraid than he'd ever been before,
and there wasn't a damned thing Brian could do until he reappeared.
Brian sighed. He wasn't sure he could do
anything anyway. What could he say to reassure Nick when he was scared to death
himself? He hated hospitals, hated feeling helpless and unsure and like
he was going to break down at any second. All he wanted to do was to go far
away from the reality and the fear and the pain of it all, to feel Leigh's
loving arms around him, to have someone tell him it would be all right,
for a miracle to occur and erase the terrible event…
But he knew that wouldn't happen.
The doctors were keeping a close watch on
Kevin; only time, they said, would reveal the extent of his injuries and the
amount of damage that had been done. Leigh wouldn't be able to come for at
least three days; while he knew she wanted to be there supporting him, her
mother needed her more, and he'd told her to stay where she could do some good.
And instead of being reassured, he'd had to pretend to be confident and cool
when contacting his Aunt and parents with the news. They were relying on him to
keep strong, to keep the faith. He knew it would be a true test of his belief
before the ordeal was over with.
The call to Kristen had been the worst. He
had explained things as calmly as possible, but he knew how deeply she and
Kevin felt about one another; sure enough, she'd almost fallen apart on the
phone. He had to fight his own tears while she wept in reaction; thankfully,
she pulled herself together and they made plans for her flight back. Luckily
the production crew only needed her for one more day of filming anyway; she
would be taking a private jet back East the next evening so she could focus on
her most important priority.
Not willing to go back to Howie's room just
yet, and not sure he would be allowed back in Kevin's, Brian headed for the cafeteria
to get something to eat. At almost one in the morning, the place was
practically deserted, only a few residents and staff scattered at the tables.
He grabbed a bag of cookies and a cup of coffee, got the same to go for AJ, and
settled down at an isolated spot. As he sipped the dark, sweet liquid he shut
his eyes, hoping that the caffeine would clear his head a bit. He debated
whether it was worth trying to convince AJ to go home and get some rest. He
dismissed the idea almost as quickly as it had appeared. AJ wouldn't be able to
rest even if he was somehow made to leave; Brian understood perfectly. To that
end, he decided that he'd take up the staff's offer to 'house' the three Boys
in the Resident's lounge. Publicity was a major issue; both he and the hospital
wanted as little as possible right now. The consensus was that if AJ, Nick and
Brian stayed at the hospital until the next day, there was little chance of
being discovered. Of course, the news would leak out, but the tactic
should gain them at least a day of peace. Then, they would know something more
on Kevin's condition and would be better able to make press statements and
answer questions.
He nearly groaned at the thought of dealing
with the media intrusion. He understood that part of his job was being in the
spotlight, but there were times that it was unwelcome. Brian wondered
distractedly how long it would take before the word got out. If they were
lucky, it wouldn't be until late tomorrow... but he didn't count on it.
The cookies were surprisingly good, and he
found himself wolfing them down once he took the first bite. He was almost
halfway finished his coffee when he heard a small noise behind his shoulder.
When he turned around, he found himself looking into tired azure eyes.
"Hey, Frick," came the soft
greeting.
Brian was relieved to see Nick standing
there and gestured to a chair at once. "Come on, sit down," he said,
his eyes scanning the tall figure.
Without a word, Nick took the seat across
the small table and sat down heavily. He put his face in his hands for a
second, then looked at Brian again.
"Any word?"
"Nothing significant," Brian
answered. "They kind of kicked me out after a while, told me to take a
break and get some rest."
Nick gave a small snort. "Like any of
us can rest right now."
Brian nodded, then studied the blond
closely. "How you doing, Bro?"
A shrug. Then, "I guess you heard
about… well, the way I behaved." He stared down at his hands resting on
the table.
"Aj told me," Brian admitted.
"Been worried about you. Where did you go?"
"It doesn't matter," Nick said.
"Look, I want to apologize, I haven't been very helpful during all this.
Has anyone contacted management, whatever?"
"Yeah, I just finished a few minutes
ago."
"What about Kris?" he asked as evenly
as he could.
"Her too. She's flying back tomorrow
night… er, that would be tonight, now. Seems she was scheduled to wrap up her
scenes and stuff anyway, so once she gets back, she'll be here to stay."
"Good," Nick said, nodding. He
frowned for a moment, then ran a hand through his hair. Finally meeting his
friend's eyes, he said, "How are you doing? I mean, with this being
a hospital and all…"
Brian's eyebrows raised slightly at the
question. "It's not about me, Kevin's the one who-"
"Bri," came the tired, serious
interruption. "Come on."
He leaned back and took a sip of coffee,
then stared up at the ceiling. In a low voice he confessed, "It's hard,
Nick. Damned hard. It's bad enough dealing with Kevin and Howie being here, and
all that's happened… but this place is conjuring up too many memories."
"Sorry," came the apologetic
whisper.
"Not your fault," Brian said.
"You… sure you're okay?"
"I'm tired," was all the answer he
got.
Silence drifted between them for a minute or
so, each lost in their private thoughts. Finally, checking his watch, Brian
drained the last of his coffee and gathered up the now empty bag. "I'm
going to bring AJ something, he's camped out in Howie's room. Then I'm going to
try and convince him to catch some sleep in the Resident's lounge. How about
you grab a bite of something and come with me?"
Nick shook his head. "I'm not
hungry," he began, then stopped abruptly. "But… sure, we can go up
together. Maybe we could all use some rest, huh?"
Brian was too weary to figure out his best
friend's odd responses; it would have to be mulled over later, when he had a
clearer head and more time to think. For now, it was enough to have Nick by his
side.
Together, the pair left the cafeteria to
join their brothers once again.
*******
SIX
"…so as soon as we finish up the
paperwork, you'll be discharged, Mr. Dorough," said the young nurse as she
finished recording vital signs.
"What about going to sleep?" came
a raspy voice from the other side of the room.
"The doctor will be in to explain it
all, but I think the danger's passed." She smiled at AJ, then back at
Howie. "Breakfast will be up in a bit, is there anything else I can get
you? Either of you?"
"No," Howie replied in an
exhausted tone. "I'll just be glad to get out of here." He paused for
a second, then hastily added, "Not that there's anything wrong with the
care or anything…"
She laughed. "Oh, we get a lot of that
here," she said as she placed the chart in its holder. "No offense
taken."
AJ stood and stretched, wincing as cramped
muscles protested. The hospital bed he'd spent the night in wasn't exactly the
highest quality. "I am in major need of coffee," he said.
"I'll see what I can do," she
said. "But, none for you, Mr. Dorough," she added apologetically.
"With your condition and the meds they'll probably prescribe..."
"The only thing I want to do is to go
home, collapse into a real bed, and sleep. There's no chance I'd drink
something that might keep me awake!"
"Good," she said. "I'll be
right back."
When she had left, Howie sank back into his
pillow and rubbed his face. "Damn, Bone, I am so tired."
"I don't doubt it," came the
reply. "At least I was able to catch a few minutes here and there."
Howie sighed, then looked at his best
friend. "I wonder if Brian and Nick were able to sleep at all."
"Nick looked ready to drop," he
said, remembering. "Of course, Bri didn't look too hot either. Hopefully
they got some kind of rest."
"Yeah."
"Hello," called a bright voice
from the doorway. "Food services, breakfast delivery!"
Howie sat up as the older woman brought in a
tray and set it on the wheeled table by his bed. "There you go,
honey."
"Thank you, ma'am," he said
politely, tentatively lifting off the plastic cover and sniffing. Surprisingly,
it smelled good, and he immediately picked up a napkin.
"And here you are, sweetheart,"
she said as she set another tray before AJ. "You boys enjoy your
breakfast."
"Thanks," AJ said, hiding a grin
at the woman's motherly, efficient tone. He hadn't been called 'sweetheart' by
anyone in a long, long time.
Howie caught the gleam in his brother's eyes
and smiled as the woman left the room. "Sweetheart?"
"Honey?" AJ replied, glad
to see the amusement on Howie's face. "Maybe she's a fan."
Howie laughed, the first time since the
accident. "She has no clue who we are," he said. "Actually it's
kind of nice. I don't think I could handle fans on any level right now."
"I hear that," AJ agreed,
uncovering his plate. "Hey, this doesn't look half bad," he said.
They were eating in silence when the nurse
returned.
"Here you go, Mr. McLean," she
said, handing him a large cup of coffee.
"Hey, thanks," he said sincerely,
taking the steaming brew.
"The doctor was talking to your two
friends by the Nurse's station, I imagine they'll be here in a minute. I'll be
right outside until the doctor needs me back in here."
He watched her leave and focused back on his
meal, wondering how Nick and Brian had fared. He didn't have to wait long for
an answer.
"Hey guys," came Brian's voice
half a minute later. Nick came in behind him, holding a large bundle.
"Hey," Howie said with a tired
smile. "What's the package?"
"Management sent some stuff over,"
Nick replied in a not-quite-awake voice. "Clothes, mostly. Bri told them
your clothes were dirty from…" he stopped and swallowed. "From last
night."
Howie nodded, remembering the unpleasant mix
of mud, blood, and rain.
"How many clothes does Howie
need?" AJ asked, frowning.
"There's a change of clothes for all of
us," Nick said. "Since we don't know how long… um." He blinked.
"Well, you know."
"Have you seen Kevin?" AJ asked
uncomfortably, his meal forgotten.
"I did," offered Brian. "He
hasn't woken up yet. They said his temperature is a bit high, but they expected
that." He drew in a deep breath. "It's all about waiting, now."
Silence descended on the four. It was the
arrival of the doctor that broke the solemn spell.
He nodded at the gathering and went to
Howie's side right away.
"So, the nurse tells me you're eager to
go home, Mr. Dorough?" he said while scanning the chart.
"Yeah," Howie answered. "All
I want to do is sleep."
"Understandable," the man said.
"How is the pain?"
Howie shot a slightly guilty look AJ's way
and said, "Well, it's been kinda getting worse since around six."
"I'm going to prescribe some pain
medication to help you rest. Your body is already exhausted, and fighting pain
will add to the problem. You need sleep, and plenty of it."
"D, why didn't you say anything?"
AJ said, unhappy his friend hadn't told him about the pain.
"I could handle it," Howie said
defensively.
"Hmm," the doctor cut in.
"Well, the second day after an accident brings a lot of pain, more than
what a person experienced to begin with. The automatic release of endorphins
that block the pain at the onset of trauma doesn't continue on an infinite
basis; the initial input of blockers have worn off by the twelve hour mark, and
the body is unable to produce a sufficient supply to keep ahead of the pain
caused by tissue damage."
His explanation was met by silence, and he
looked up. With a shake of his head, he said, "Sorry. What I mean is, a
person hurts worse the second day, and even moreso the third. That's when
medication does the most good. You'll have to give your body the rest it
requires to heal. Unfortunately, what I need to prescribe will be quite strong
and will make you very drowsy. We'll give you the first dose in injection form,
but the rest will be pills. I can't let you drive, you'll have to get a ride
back home. Now, who will be staying with you while you recover?"
"Uh, no one," Howie said. "I
live alone."
The doctor shook his head. "You won't
be able to drive, cook, or do much of anything for at least 24 hours. You need
to take your medicine at regular intervals, and someone must watch you for any
adverse effects of the drugs. If there's no one, we'll keep you here for
another day-"
"I'll stay with him," AJ declared
flatly.
"No, Aje," Howie began to protest.
"You don't get a vote," came the
instant retort. "I'll make sure he does what he's supposed to, doc."
"Very good," the doctor said.
"The nurse will write up clear instructions, and you'll be able to call us
here if you have any concerns or questions. I have no doubt that Mr. Dorough
will rest much better at home, under your care, than he would here."
Howie was secretly relieved and put up no
futher argument. For the next few minutes, the doctor went over the basics and,
once assured they had been understood, bid farewell to the group. The nurse
came in, gave Howie an injection of pain medicine, left papers for him to read
and sign, and gave them all a bit of privacy.
While the older Boy changed, Brian slipped
out to make arrangements for a car to pick up AJ and Howie. Nick, silent during
most of the visit, finally spoke.
"Bri will… Brian and I will handle the
press conference later this afternoon," he said. "It's supposed to be
at 4, if things don't blow up before then."
"What do they know so far?" AJ
asked.
"Not much," Nick said.
"Management told Brian that because the accident happened in such an
isloated spot, and was so late at night, there weren't many onlookers. They're
making sure the hospital, as well as rescue services and police, are keeping it
under wraps." He looked at the floor. "Questions are already being
asked, though… so someone has said something. Could have been practically
anyone." He shrugged, knowing that an incident of that magnitude would
never be kept secret for long. "Bri's been doing a great job," he
added quietly.
Howie's dark eyes looked on his youngest
brother with empathy, but he was unsure what to say.
"We're going to stay here," Nick
continued after a bit, although he still kept his gaze on the tiles at his
feet. "They'll let us crash in the Resident's lounge, there's a shower and
everything there. Bri won't go home, at least until Leigh comes back, and
I…" He sniffed and shuffled his foot. "Someone's got to keep Brian
company."
AJ caught the pain in his brother's voice.
"You haven't seen Kev yet, have you?"
Nick shook his head, his jaw clenching
against the statement.
"Look," Howie offered as he slowly
buttoned up his shirt. "I'm going to stop by before we leave, you can come
with us."
"It'll do you good," promised AJ.
"I'll go see him," Nick said
evasively, not wanting to promise specifics. Brian's return spared him from
saying more.
"There's a car being sent, should be
here in about 20 minutes. D, you ready to go?"
"After I see Kevin," he stated. He
stood up far too quickly, swayed dangerously, and nearly fell flat on his face.
AJ caught his arm and steadied him for a moment.
"Sit down for a second, you don't want
to hurt yourself more," he said urgently.
"Kinda dizzy," Howie muttered, not
understanding.
"All ready to go?" the nurse said
as she bustled into the room. "Hmm, you're looking a little pale."
"Got up too fast," he explained
with a blush.
"That's why when we say to take it
easy, we mean it," she said, taking his blood pressure one final
time. "And also why it's hospital policy that all patients be escorted in
a wheelchair on their way out." She took the reading from the cuff and
said, "It's the pain meds working already, I think. Do you usually have
strong reactions to medication?"
"Yes, he does," AJ answered for
him. Howie didn't bother to protest.
"All right, then, I'll get you a
wheelchair and you'll be home that much faster."
A few minutes later, AJ propelled Howie down
the hall, Brian and Nick close behind. It didn't take long to reach Kevin's
floor and they found his room quickly. Without hesitation, the leading pair went
inside.
Although he tried to follow, Nick stopped
cold in mid-step, feeling a surge of panic swell up in his chest. Images of
blood and darkness flashed before his eyes and he emitted a small, choking
sound as he backed up, right into Brian.
The surprised man steadied the shaking
blond, moving to face him at once. "Frack?"
Blood… dark blood against too-white skin,
the rattle of tortured breathing…
"I… I c-can't, Bri," he said,
terrified. "Please…"
"You can see him later," Brian
assured him. "We'll be here all day, we can visit once Howie and AJ leave,
okay?"
Nick felt his chest tighten and suddenly
found it hard to breathe. Brian realized what was happening and pulled him from
the doorway.
"Deep breaths, Nick," he
commanded. "You don't need to hyperventilate. Deep, calming breaths… c'mon
Bro, don't do this."
Somehow the instructions made their way
through the panic and fear, and Nick did as he was told. Slowly, he felt the
constriction in his chest ease and he was finally able to focus on worried blue
eyes.
"I'm okay," he whispered, ashamed
of his weakeness. "I'm s-sorry."
Brian embraced him in a strong, tight hug.
"Nothing to apologize for. You can do this when you're ready."
"Thanks," came the barely audible
response. He stepped back and shrugged off the hand on his shoulder. "I… I
think I'll catch a shower, and get changed," he said, retrieving the
bundle he'd dropped moments before. "Tell… can you tell Howie and AJ that
I'll talk to them later?"
"Sure," Brian said softly.
"I'll join you as soon as they leave."
As Nick hurried down the hall, Brian leaned
against the wall and shut his eyes, trying to keep his emotions under control.
He took a few steadying breaths, gathered up his resolve, and went through the
door to deliver the message.
*******
AJ studied the look of guilt mixed with
concern on Howie's face and wondered what he could say to make things better.
He knew Howie felt things very deeply; getting over this would take a while,
for sure. He had no magic words, no glib advice to offer, only his support and
friendship. He hoped that it would be enough.
After a moment Brian entered the room,
alone, and joined the two at Kevin's side. At AJ's questioning gaze, Brian
merely shook his head. He understood: Nick would have to come on his own terms.
He couldn't fault the kid; everyone was having trouble dealing with the
situation, himself included. At least watching over Howie would be a
distraction, something productive he could focus on.
"He looks pale," Howie stated,
gazing at the motionless body on the bed.
"Yeah," Brian agreed. "The
bruises don't help."
"Kris'll freak," AJ said.
"You know how those two are."
"She was really upset on the
phone," Brian said, remembering. "But she's tough, too. I think
she'll be okay, once she gets here."
"Maybe... by then… Kev will be…
awake," Howie said, blinking heavily.
AJ's eyebrows raised at the slow pace of
Howie's words. "Hey, D, you falling asleep on me here?"
"I'm tired," came the thin
reply. "It's getting hard to, to keep my eyes open."
"Yep," AJ said. "It's the
drugs. And that's our cue to get going."
"Wait," Howie said, frowning as he
concentrated. "Where's Nick?"
"He wanted to go get a shower and
change," Brian explained. "He said that he'll talk to you guys
later."
"Oh, okay," came the distant
reply. He yawned as his eyelids grew heavy. "Mmm."
AJ gave Brian a wry grin. "I better get
sleeping beauty downstairs. You coming?"
"Nah, I told Nick I'd join him. I'll
call in a couple of hours and see how things are going."
"Okay, I'll catch you later." He
wheeled the chair around, then added, "Let me know if anything… happens…
before then, right?"
"Right," came the solemn promise.
Brian watched the two leave and stood by his
cousin's side for a while longer. He smoothed out Kevin's top blanket and
fought against the despair he felt at the sight of the normally vital man lying
helpless in the bed. Bending close, fighting to keep the tremble out of his
voice, he said, "Come on, Kev, we need you to wake up now. You've slept
long enough."
There was, of course, no response.
"All right, then, you rest some
more," Brian said, his throat tight with emotion. "I'll come back in
a while. Just get better, cuz."
He paused for another few heartbeats, vainly
hoping for a sign of wakefulness. Disappointed, he gave Kevin's hand a squeeze
and left the room, wondering how on Earth he was going to get through the day.
*******
SEVEN
The news conference went smoothly, all
things considered. Although they had to move the time up by two hours due to a local
station breaking the news early, Brian and Nick handled the barrage of
questions fairly well. Whether due to the stress on their faces or the strain
in their voices, something kept the media in check. While eager for
information, the reporters' questions remained civil and on track, a true
rarity. Of course, heavy pressure from the hospital and the Boys' management
team to keep things low-key hadn't hurt.
Nick had seemed reluctant to speak until
Brian, choked up in a moment of emotion, had been unable to respond to a
particular question. The youngest had swallowed his fear and answered as best
he could; the grateful look from his brother had given him confidence and
before long Nick found himself fielding a fair share of the inquiries. His
answers weren't smooth or rehearsed, but he did his best, and before too long
the ordeal was over, for the time being.
As the reporters filed out of the small
room, Brian leaned close to Nick and said, "I'm going to call Leigh, let
her know what's going on."
"I'll call AJ," came the reply.
"We can do it from the lounge,"
Brian said. "Then we can visit Kev for a bit."
Nick looked uncertain but didn't protest.
With a non-committal shrug, he followed Brian out the door and down the hall.
While Brian spoke with his wife, Nick
learned that all was well at Howie's house. AJ told him that he'd practically
had to carry their brother inside; he'd fallen fast asleep in the car before
five minutes had passed. Aside from having to listen to a couple of un-funny
Spanish jokes, an argument about which pajamas were the right ones to
wear, and a strange song melody Howie seemed to make up on the spot, AJ hadn't
had any trouble at all. Actually, he had found the whole thing amusing; it was
not often that he got to see Howie in a state that resembled a happy
drunkenness.
While he didn't have any changes to report
on Kevin's condition, Nick did tell him how the news conference had gone. AJ
seemed impressed, and admitted he was relieved he didn't have to participate in
all the hoopla.
Nick hung up the phone and looked at Brian,
still on his call to Leigh. The obvious tension on his face was hard to see;
while Brian was trying to keep his voice as calm as possible on the phone, his
knuckles were clenched white around the receiver. In that moment, Nick
understood that while Kevin was his brother through the group, Brian was
Kevin's family… and their bond had existed all their lives, not just a
few short years. He also realized that as together as Brian had seemed so far,
it was probably harder on him than on anyone else.
Once again, Nick felt a wash of shame when
he considered how selfish his recent thinking had been… and how much of a
coward he'd become. If Brian could push past the terrible pain and visit Kevin,
he should be able to confront reality as well. He'd made a decision to support
Kevin and the others last night, yet here it was, late the next day, and he
hadn't even seen the man.
Coward…
He bit his lip as he realized how much he
deserved the title. He vividly remembered an incident that had taken place a
week ago, when Kevin had called him an immature brat. He'd laughed at the
remark, knowing that the stunt he'd pulled had been a bit childish, but
hadn't given it a second thought. He'd told himself that Kevin's anger was
simply the result of being too uptight and not being able to take a joke.
He knew now that Kevin had hit the mark. He was
an immature brat, and the accident had only proven it. Nick felt a wave of pain
as he realized just how much the truth could hurt.
But he'd had enough of running, of avoiding
that same truth. He knew what he had to do.
Without a word, he stood and swallowed
against his fear. Giving Brian a final glance, he turned and walked toward the
door.
"Nick?" came the question just as
he reached for the knob. "Where are you going?"
He didn't turn. "Where I should have
gone last night," he said. "Where I belong."
With that, he left and headed down the
hallway to where the elevators waited.
*******
He felt a cold sweep of panic hit him as he
approached Kevin's room, but he pushed past it, determined to do the right
thing. He held his breath as he crossed the threshold, letting it out in
surprise as he nearly ran into a figure standing just inside.
The woman looked as startled as Nick did.
"Oh, I'm… I'm sorry," he said
awkwardly. "I didn't know-"
"No, it's okay," she said.
"No harm done."
"I can come back," he said as he
retreated a step.
"Really, it's okay," she said in a
calming voice. "I gather you are one of Mr. Richardson's friends?"
"His brother," Nick said
automatically.
She held out her hand. "I'm Dr. Meyers,
the attending physician."
He shook it and said, "My name is
Nick." He glanced nervously behind her. "How is… has he…"
She seemed to understand his distress.
"He hasn't woken yet," she said calmly. "But that's
understandable, considering his concussion and other injuries. We're keeping
him closely monitored." She put a hand on his arm and said, "Come on,
it's okay to see him."
He forced his feet to move beyond the
partition. There were tubes and machines and wires and monitors surrounding the
pale figure in the bed; for a second, he felt overwhelmed by panic and would
have bolted if not for the firm but gentle grip on his arm.
"Kevin," he said anxiously.
His wide blue eyes locked on his brother's bruised face.
"Easy," the woman said kindly.
"I take it you haven't visited him before now?"
He shook his head, unable to look away.
"Okay, let me explain what some of
these things are. This machine, the one beeping, is the heart monitor. You can
see that line, it indicates the rhythm and frequency of his heartbeat,"
she said as she gestured. "This one, below it, tells us how much oxygen
he's getting in his blood. See, it's attached to his finger by that little
clip…"
Slowly, she continued on with each machine
and tube and monitor. By the time she was done, Nick felt a lot more in control
of his emotions. He finally managed to look into her expectant gray eyes.
"So, according to all this stuff,"
he said as he tried to sort it out, "Kevin's not doing too bad,
right?"
"Nick," she said carefully,
"Kevin's got a long way to go. Right now, he's stable, and that's about
all we can declare. We've taken care of all the immediate issues; his leg and
broken ribs have been tended to, and the CAT scans show about what we expected.
I did speak with him earlier, and he was a bit confused but seemed to have
normal comprehension. That's a good sign."
"But…" Nick prompted, hearing it
in her voice.
"But," she sighed, "he's not
out of the woods by any means. His temperature is higher than I'd like it to
be, for one. That's the kind of thing we have to really watch."
"Brian said you told him a higher
temperature is normal," he frowned.
"A slight elevation, yes. But his has
been steadily climbing, so that tells us there's a problem."
"What kind of problem?" he said,
his voice hitching up a degree.
"It's too early to tell," she
replied. "I've called in some specialists, we're going over the
preliminary bloodwork and tests and trying to pinpoint what's causing it.
Speaking of which, I need to get into consultation right now. You can visit as
long as you like, just stay out of the way of the nurses or technicians that
are going to be in and out of here."
"Yeah, okay," he said, feeling the
tension return.
"Don't worry," she said with a
final pat on his shoulder, "we're going to do everything in our power to
figure this out."
He nodded and stood there for a moment after
she had left. Slowly, he moved to the chair near the bed and sat down. He
studied Kevin's marred face, wondering if he was dreaming or feeling pain or
aware of anything at all. He hoped it was the latter; dreams could be
confusing, especially bad ones, and pain… no one should be in pain. Hoping that
Kevin was unaware seemed for the best.
Leaning forward, he reached a hand up
towards the large bandage on Kevin's forehead, delicately pushing back a random
strand of hair that had fallen out of place. He was reluctant to touch skin;
the bruising looked painful and angry, and the last thing Nick wanted to do was
cause more hurt, just in case Kevin wasn't all that unaware.
The blond wanted to do something, anything,
that would make a difference… but he couldn't think of what that might be. He'd
heard that sometimes unconscious people could hear and sense things around
them, but he hadn't a clue what to say. He was sure that Brian would have words
of faith; Howie's would be positive and uplifting, full of optimism. AJ's would
probably be laced with encouragement and humor, but his…
What could he say, when he was really just
scared and worried? When he couldn't find faith or optimism or encouragement,
because he was terrified of what might happen?
In the end, he opted for truth. Hoping that
Kevin would somehow understand him, he leaned close.
"Kev," he whispered, "I don't
know how to handle this without you. I don't have any answers. Please come
back, I'm not done needing you here. None of us are."
He was standing by the bed holding Kevin's
hand ten minutes later when Brian came into the room.
"Nick," he said with relief.
"Thank God." Quickly he crossed the room and stood beside his best
friend. "You okay?" he asked with a careful touch.
Tears that had been held back for so long
were released with a sob as Nick's tenuous grasp on control vanished. Brian
simply hugged him, glad to feel the embrace returned in earnest. He didn't try
to stop his own tears as the silently trailed down his face a moment later. He,
too, had been holding back far too much.
Together, they let go a large measure of
their fear and pain and grief and worry… and found, astonishingly, that it had
been replaced not with weakness, but with strength.
*******
EIGHT
When Kevin opened his eyes, he was unhappy
to find the room unbearably hot. Someone had obviously turned the thermostat
too high... and what were all those blankets piled on him? It took some effort
but he got rid of everything except the top sheet, breathing an exhausted sigh
of relief as the coolness came. He rested for a bit, dismayed at his weakness. The
coolness seemed to be increasing as time passed, which confused him a great
deal. He wondered why someone had turned the air conditioner on full blast…
What kind of hospital was he in? And the lights, going from too dim to way too
bright… For reasons he didn't comprehend, he found his thoughts disconnected
and strange. An uncomfortable tingling seemed to spark along his skin, and he
became so sensitive that even the soft cotton sheet felt abrasive.
Darkness, when it came, was a welcome
change.
"...Kevin?" someone was saying
intently. "Can you hear me? Kevin, look at me."
His eyelids felt like lead and it was
extremely difficult to open them, but the voice compelled him to try. He
focused on kind gray eyes, an oval face surrounded by dark, straight hair…
"Doc?" he asked weakly. Why was he
so tired? "What's… happening?"
She placed a cool hand on his forehead.
"You're burning up; you have a fever. You just lie there while we get
these blankets back on you."
"No... not hot. I'm s-so cold..."
"I know."
"Where-"
"Hush now, Kevin. Lie still."
"No. I have to... to..."
What was it? He couldn't remember what he
wanted to say. Suddenly, it didn't seem to matter anymore. Things began to
recede.
"Doctor?" came someone's voice
from far away.
"His fever is still way too high. Page
Dr. Thompson again and call someone from the lab…"
There was a strange floaty feeling that
came, then. The voices drifted in and out.
"Damn. This isn't... looking good.
Okay, let's... get him... started on... and... at... six units... check the...
draw... reports..."
"...too pale for..."
"....increase the... dose and...
when..."
"...not broken... dangerously..."
"...lab... tests show..."
"...fight this..."
*******
"It's up another degree, Doctor,"
came the solemn voice as the nurse took the reading.
"Damn," she swore softly.
"It's not working." She let out a sigh and rubbed her eyes, searching
for another solution or approach. "Eva, get another blood tox screen and
send it down as a rush. I'm going to order a full series of enzymes and counts,
maybe that can tell us more." As the nurse nodded and left the room, Dr.
Meyers looked down at Kevin's flushed face. In an unusual gesture, she brushed
the back of her hand across his forehead, frowning at the heat she found there.
Normally she kept her distance when it came
to her patients, but for some reason this one was special. He was so young, and
so full of potential; from the way his family and friends were reacting to the
situation, he was also very, very loved. She'd heard, of course, that he was
famous for his music; the younger nursing staff seemed to know his work
intimately. She hoped, with all her might, that he would be able to make more
of that 'amazing' music.
She studied the monitors and considered the
options open to her. As time went on, and his fever continued to climb, the
choices were getting fewer. She looked at her watch and made a decision.
Before she could leave his side, however,
Brian and Nick came back from the enforced break the staff had insisted they
take. She saw the hopeful look in their eyes and hated the fact that what she
had to say would erase it in an instant.
"Doc?" Brian asked, his blue eyes
eager for good news.
"His temperature is up," she said
bluntly, not wanting to sugar-coat the news. "I'm afraid we are running
out of options here."
"What's causing it?" Nick asked,
trying to keep his voice steady.
"It could be a number of things, but
the most likely cause is either infection or a hidden internal injury. He's on
heavy antibiotics, but they take time to work."
"What kind of hidden injury?"
Brian said as he frowned.
"In an impact injury situation, tissue
can be damaged to a particular degree which later deteriorates… like a tiny
pinhole that eventually gets worse. That kind of damage is very hard to detect,
and it can be risky to search for. If what's causing his fever is something
like that, we only have one way to go."
"Which is?"
"Surgery. We'd have to do exploratory
surgery, and try to find the damaged area."
"But how can you tell if it's really
damage? You said it might just be infection," Brian said, confused.
"Now you understand the
difficulty," she said. "I've just ordered some tests that should help
paint a clearer picture of what we're up against. Surgery is a last resort, in
his condition it will be dangerous. We have to be sure."
Nick, several shades paler than when he had
walked in the room, sank down in a chair. Running a hand through his hair, he
squeezed his eyes shut.
Brian put a hand on his shoulder but didn't have
any words of comfort to offer.
"When is his wife due to arrive?"
she asked after a moment.
"She should be here in about two hours,
she's already in the air. She was in California," Brian provided.
Dr. Meyers crossed her arms and scowled at
the floor. "If his temperature keeps climbing the way it has, we might
have to do something before she gets here."
The nurse walked in with a blood draw kit
and began her work.
"I'll be in the Staff lounge," the
doctor told the busy nurse. "Have them page me when the results come back
or any of the changes I mentioned occur."
"Yes, ma'am," came the reply.
"Boys," she said as she turned to
leave, "hang in there. We'll do all we can for Kevin, I promise."
"Thanks," Brian mumbled. When she
had left, he moved close to the bed and stared at his cousin. There was a fine
sheen of sweat slickening Kevin's pale skin, and his head moved ever so
slightly as he fought against the fever.
The nurse finished her draw and checked over
the IV, making a notation. Before she left, she turned to the pair. "If
you'd like to help," she said in a quiet voice, "you can use that
basin and washcloth to cool his forehead and face. It might ease his rest. Just
don't get the bandages too wet."
Grateful for her suggestion, Brian nodded and
watched her go. He reached for the basin but Nick beat him to it.
"Can we take turns?" Nick asked, a
slight waver to his voice.
"Sure," he said. "We can take
turns."
It wasn't much, but it was all they could do
for their brother.
*******
Brian was jolted out of his seat by the
shrill alarm of a nearby monitor. Frantically, he sat up straight and looked
around, his heart pounding. He hadn't meant to doze off when he sat down
to rest, but the long hours of worry and stress had taken their toll… His eyes
darted around, trying to figure out what was happening.
Before he could rise, a nurse ran into the
room, followed by another a second later. On her heels was Dr. Meyers, her face
full of concern. Brian watched as the trio worked quickly, not really registering
the words being tossed about. For a terrible, panicked moment, he thought that
his cousin had gone into a critical Code Blue condition, but when the requisite
crash cart failed to show, he knew it was another problem. He swallowed his
panic and listened.
"I want an cold-gel bath pack,
stat," came Dr. Meyers' voice. "And call O.R., we're going to need
that room early."
"O.R.?" Brian said, standing in a
rush.
Gray eyes flickered his way. "His
temperature has spiked," the doctor explained as she moved to the other
side of the bed. "At this point the danger of sustained fever outweighs
the surgical risk factor. The tests indicate internal bleeding, and we can't
wait any longer. Is his wife here yet?"
"Nick went to get her, they should be
here any minute," he answered.
"We're going to prep him for
surgery," she said. "Normally we would wait for permission from the
next of kin, but emergency overrides that now."
"I'll… I can call Nick, on his cell.
Maybe they're close."
"Kevin goes into the O.R. in ten
minutes," she said flatly. "Let's hope she makes it."
*******
"…damn, Bri," came the soft curse
over the phone. "At least they're on their way. If they hit traffic or get
stuck in that construction…"
"Well," Brian said in a tense
voice, "they have less than two minutes to get here. The nurses are
already getting him ready. Aje," he said in a lower tone, "the doctor
said it was really dangerous, this surgery… but they don't have a choice. Maybe
it's better if you don't bother Howie with it all just yet."
"Are you kidding?" came the
question. "He's been out like a light all day. I don't think I could wake
him if I wanted to. And I agree, even if I could get him awake and aware, this
is the last thing he needs to deal with."
"I'm going to try Nick's cell one more
time," Brian said. "They should have been here already. Look, I'll
give you a call when I know something more, okay?"
"Right, thanks, Bro," AJ said
before he disconnected.
Brian was dialing when he heard someone just
outside the room call a familiar name. He hung up the phone just as he spied
the doctor in the doorway, her face towards someone down the hall.
"This way, quickly, please," she
said, gesturing.
Kristen rushed into the room, looking
panicked and afraid. Nick was just a step behind her; they both were out of
breath from their sprint.
"We got here…" Nick panted,
"as fast… ah, jeeze… as we could."
"We're getting ready to take him up
now," said Dr. Meyers. "Mrs. Richardson, I'll need your signature
okaying the procedure, then I'll give you a minute with him before we go."
Kristen nodded, signing the paper as the
doctor gave a brief explanation of what was on the document and what was going
to happen next with Kevin. Giving the clipboard to a nurse, the doctor patted
the shaking woman on the shoulder and said, "He's not really been awake,
but I think he'd like to know you are here for him. I'll be right
outside."
"T-thank you," Kris replied,
taking her first hesitant glance at her husband's still form.
Nick leaned over, hands on his knees, and
tried to steady his breathing. It had been a mad rush to make it in time, and
he was certain he'd broken several traffic laws getting Kris where she
belonged. But they had made it, somehow.
Brian gave Kris a quick, tight hug and
whispered that he'd talk to her in a bit. Wanting to give her at least a little
bit of privacy, he guided Nick out of the room. He could only imagine how
horrible an ordeal it was for her. If something ever happened to Leigh…
He shut his eyes at the very thought.
"Brian, you okay?" came the
worried voice beside him.
He looked into concerned azure eyes and
nodded. "Yeah, Frack, just thinking. Thanks for getting her here. I'm not
sure I could have done it."
Oddly, a wry smile crossed Nick's lips.
"You're too law-abiding, like Kev. If he knew what we had to do to get
here… my butt would be in a sling."
Brian grinned. "Let's hope you get an
earful from him soon," he said.
Nick's smile faded, then he nodded.
"Yeah, that's one lecture I won't mind getting."
The two fell into a suspended silence as
they leaned against the wall. Both were lost in thought when Dr. Meyers
approached them.
"I'll be assisting the surgeon,"
she stated. "He's one of the best there is. As soon as I get out of the
O.R., I'll come see you and let you know what we found."
"How long will it take?" Nick
asked.
"We're not sure what we'll find,"
she answered honestly. "It all depends on how fast we can locate the
source, or sources, of the problem. There's a special surgical waiting room up
on the next floor, I want you to take Mrs. Richardson and wait there for word.
No matter what we find, Kevin will be moved to ICU afterwards." At Nick's
widened eyes, she held up a hand. "Just a normal procedure, it doesn't
mean anything went wrong." She glanced at her watch and said, "It's
time."
The pair followed her back to the room,
where Kristen was clenching Kevin's unresponsive hand. Brian went to her side
and gently pulled her away, putting an arm around her as orderlies arrived. In
less than a minute, Kevin was wheeled away, the doctor keeping pace with the
gurney.
After a moment, the three left the room as
well. The ride upstairs was made without a sound, save for Kris' soft sniffling
and Brian's murmurs of reassurance. Nick stared at the elevator floor as if
answers could be found there, if only he looked hard enough.
Soon they reached the isolated waiting room,
but none of them noticed the many comforts that surrounded them. The
television, fruit baskets, free beverages, computer game systems, and library
of books and videos were ignored as they sat on a couch, Nick and Brian on
either side of Kristen. Together they settled in for the wait that, no matter
how much time it actually took, was destined to be an eternity.
*******
NINE
"Hey guys," a raspy, much-missed
voice called to the pair slumped on the lounge couch.
"AJ," Brian said, sitting up and
rubbing his face. "Howie, hi." He nudged at the blond figure next to
him. "C'mon, Nick, company."
Nick blinked blearily, frowning as he tried to
remember where he was and what was happening. A quick glance brought him fully
awake.
"Hey, when did you get here?" he
asked slowly. "What time is it?"
"Just now, it's a little past
noon," AJ provided. "We brought lunch."
"Figured you might be tired of hospital
food by now," Howie added.
"Thanks," Brian said gratefully.
They moved to a small round table by the window and sat down together, the
first time since the accident. The bags of food were opened and distributed as
they tried to catch up.
"Howie," Nick said as he chose a
french fry from the pile, "you feeling better? That's a nasty looking
bruise on your forehead."
"The medicine kills most of the pain,
but I have kind of a headache that won't go away. It's annoying."
"But you got some rest, right?"
said Brian.
"Yeah, that stuff puts me out like a
light," he sighed. "I hate feeling out of control."
"Better than feeling all that
pain," AJ reasoned.
Howie nodded agreement, though he didn't
look pleased.
"How's Kevin? And where's Kris?"
Brian put his drink down and said, "The
surgery last night took nearly two hours, and he's been in ICU since. Kris is
up with him, he hasn't woken up yet."
"But it's been…" A slight pause as
he did the math. "What, 17 hours?" Howie said, his voice full of concern.
"Why hasn't he woken up? Was the surgery-"
"The surgery went fine, the doc said
they found two places they had to fix…"
"But," AJ said when he fell
silent.
"But," Nick continued, "his
fever hasn't broken yet. They don't know why, they're trying all kinds of stuff
now. They said he was stable, whatever that means."
"He can only have one visitor at a
time," Brian explained. "Kris won't leave, she's as stubborn as he
is."
"How's she doing?" AJ asked with a
frown.
"She's exhausted, worried, and scared
to death."
Silence settled on the four for nearly a
minute.
"Lot of that going around," Brian
said as he stared at his paper napkin. "We're going to try and convince
her to go home for a few hours, but I doubt she'll do it. I don't think she'd
rest at all." He rubbed at his eyes, realizing how tired he still was.
"How long are you going to hang around, D?"
"He's not supposed to be up at
all," began AJ with a pointed tone.
"As long as I feel coherent,"
Howie cut in. Then his voice dropped a bit. "Which might not be too long.
I wanted to see how everything was going here… I…"
Brian reached over and touched him on the
arm. "You need to take care of yourself, Bro. When Kev wakes up, he'll
need to see you're okay."
Howie gazed into sincere blue eyes for a
moment, then looked away. "I guess."
AJ and Brian exchanged worried glances.
"He won't blame you," AJ said
quietly. "You know that. It wasn't your fault."
Howie bit his lip, then met his friend's
glance. "But maybe-"
"Maybe nothing," Brian said firmly.
"From what the cop told me, the night of the accident, it was your calling
911 so fast that made the difference. You did what you could, and that's what
matters. Kev-" He stopped as his voice caught. "Kevin lost control of
the car because of the slick roads and the circumstances. Period."
Howie didn't reply, but seemed to be
considering the words. It was a start.
Nick crumpled up a sandwich wrapper and
tried a shot at the trash can nearby. He missed by a good two feet. He got up
with a sigh and retrieved the balled paper, dropping it where it belonged with
a disgusted frown.
"I need to take a walk," he said,
not looking at his friends. "I'll be back in a while."
He was gone out the door before they could
say a word.
*******
Nick hadn't planned on going anywhere
particular; he'd just needed to get some fresh air. He couldn't tolerate the
hurt, pained _expression on Howie's face, nor the concerned one on AJ's.
Brian's eyes held a constant anguish… it had been too much. He knew it was
babyish, to walk out like that so abruptly, but the air had seemed so heavy, so
thick with despair.
He found himself at the elevators. Almost
automatically he entered one and punched the button that led to the last place
of refuge he'd found. Moments later, he stepped onto the Neonatal floor.
After a second's hesitation he walked down
the hall towards the nursery. He stood before the glass, and counted. Now,
there were only nine tiny babies, all bundled up and in various states of rest.
They all looked alike to him, different only by their pink or blue caps.
Slowly, a small wistful smile transformed his face. This was life, new
life. These little ones had so much ahead of them… their entire future. They
had no worries, no concerns to cloud their minds or trouble their thoughts.
He looked closer, and saw each bassinet had
a last name attached to the front.
Jeannie… could one of these babies be hers?
He
bit his lip in thought. He couldn't tell which were new ones and which had been
there before; he had no idea what her last name was, so that didn't help
either.
"Which one is yours?" came a
sudden voice from his left, making him jump in reaction.
"Mine? Oh, no, it's not
mine," he said quickly to the nurse beside him. "I… I'm not sure.
Someone I know… she was in labor yesterday…"
"What's her name?" she asked. He
realized for the first time that she was dressed in colorful scrubs.
Nick blushed in embarrassment. "I only
know her first name. Jeannie."
The nurse thought for a second. "Let me
check for you," she said kindly, not seeming fazed by his admission.
The woman went through the nursery doors
and, after a minute, returned.
"Jeannie Stephens," she supplied.
"That's her daughter, the third from the right."
A girl! "Is she okay
and all?" Nick said, peering at the sleeping figure. God, so tiny…
"The baby is doing fine," she
said. "Both she and Ms. Stephens will be staying here a few days, so they
can get some rest." The nurse looked at the wide-eyed young man and
smiled. "I think Ms. Stephens can receive visitors, if you would like to
see her. She's in room 404."
"Oh, thanks," he said belatedly.
He watched the baby for another moment. "She's so… small."
The nurse laughed softly. "Yeah, they
usually come that way."
Nick ducked his head sheepishly, realizing
how stupid he'd sounded. "Thanks," he said.
He glanced around and saw a sign pointing
the way to the room section in question. With one final look towards the baby,
he turned and walked the short distance to Jeannie's room.
He knocked softly and came in when he heard
her summons. The look on her face when she saw him was one of surprise.
"Hi," he said shyly, offering a
smile.
"Nick, hi," she said, sitting up
carefully. "I didn't expect to see you!"
"I'm still waiting for news on… ah, my
friend," he said, coming a bit closer. "How are you doing? How did
things go?"
"It was rough for a while," she
confessed honestly. "But today is much better." Her eyes lit up.
"It was all worth it, though… I have a beautiful baby girl, a daughter!
Oh, Nick, she's perfect."
He grinned. "I saw her," he said.
"They showed me which one she was before I came to see you. You're right,
she's beautiful. But… man, she's so small!"
"She didn't feel small yesterday
afternoon," Jeannie commented wryly. At Nick's blush, she laughed.
"It's okay, I won't give you details." She leaned back into her
pillows. "Sit for a second, it'd be nice to have some company."
He noted a complete lack of flowers,
balloons or cards that decorated almost every other room. He drew up a chair
near the bedside and said, "You haven't had many visitors yet?"
She sighed. "Nope, don't expect to.
Like I said yesterday, I'm going solo on this one."
Nick frowned; he didn't want to pry, so he
didn't ask details. Instead, he said, "Have you named her yet?"
"I had it all planned," she said.
"Lauren Renee, remember? But the moment I looked at her face, I knew it
wasn't right." She gave a small smile. "The name Elena Lynn came to
me in a dream last night, and it seemed perfect."
"Elena Lynn," Nick repeated
slowly. He nodded. "That's beautiful. Almost musical, you know?"
"Thanks," she said, beaming.
"Um," he said after a moment,
"is there anything you need? Anything I can get you, or the baby?"
"What do you mean?" came the
puzzled question.
"Well, you know… stuff. Babies need all
kinds of stuff, and if you're alone…" he began awkwardly.
"Oh, Nick," she said, her eyes
filling with tears, "that's so sweet of you. But I'm fine, I've had almost
nine months to plan things out. I've got plenty of things for her. And you're
wrong," she added as she gave him a wavery smile. "I'm not alone.
I'll never be alone, not with Elena in my life."
He looked at her face and saw truth and
strength there. He swallowed against sudden emotion and said, "She's one
lucky kid."
"Thanks," she whispered, sniffling
a bit. "But I'm the one that feels blessed." She reached out a hand
towards him, which he took at once. "I'm glad you came."
"Me too."
She took a steadying breath. "We've
been talking about me all this time," she said. "What about you? You
look about as bad as I felt yesterday. How is your friend doing?"
"I… don't know for sure," he said.
"They had to operate on him last night, but he still hasn't woken up yet.
Kev-" He stopped, realizing his mistake. He wasn't supposed to reveal any
information other than what management had approved.
"No, that's okay," she said when
he fell quiet. "I had guessed it was one of your group. Don't worry, I
won't tell anyone about it."
"We're not supposed to say
anything," he said apologetically.
"I was more interested in how you
were doing, anyway," she declared. "I imagine there are a ton of
people taking care of him, but you... This is a real tough time for you, I can
see it."
"Yeah, it is," he admitted.
"This is bigger than anything I've ever had to go through..."
"And you're scared, and unsure, and
don't know what to do next," she finished. "Yeah, I know exactly how
that feels, believe me. But you know what? You just have to keep moving
forward, no matter what happens. No one has all the answers, we can only have
faith it'll all work out like it's supposed to. If I let the fear of
uncertainty take over, I'd never get out of this bed."
He looked into her steady hazel eyes.
"But you will, because Elena needs you."
"Yes. Just like your friends need you.
It's not about having all the answers, it's about never giving up and always
doing your best to deal with what life dishes out."
He allowed a small smile to curve his lips.
"Wow. You sounded just like my Mom there for a second."
At that, she laughed. "It's a mystical
wisdom thing that all mothers possess once they've had a child. It's a level of
knowledge that no man can achieve."
"Sure it is," he said, laughing in
turn. "But… it does make sense, I'll give you that."
She gave his hand a squeeze and released it.
"You're gonna do fine, Nick. Just hang in there, do what you can, and
don't dwell on the things you can't change." She suppressed a yawn.
"Look, you need your rest," he
said as he stood. "I'll stop by later, if that's okay. I need to get back
to the guys now." He hesitated. "And hey, thanks," he said in a
quiet tone. "For the advice, and everything."
"No problem. Take care, okay?"
"Yeah, you too."
He left after she settled back down and
closed her eyes.
*******
By the time he arrived back on the ICU
floor, he felt ready to face whatever came. Like Jeannie had said, no one could
expect him to have answers; it was a very liberating thought. All he could do
was his best.
Brian was the only one in the lounge when he
came through the door.
"Hi," Nick said as he ran a hand
through his hair. "Howie and AJ go?"
"Yeah, Howie started falling asleep not
too long after you left," came Brian's reply. "Strong medicine.
They'll be back tonight, after dinner."
"Good," he said as he sat down.
"Where'd you go?"
"I took a walk for a bit, then I
visited a friend," Nick answered simply.
When no further explanation came, Brian
raised his eyebrows in speculation. "A friend?"
"Yeah," he said. "Bri, when
you were a kid, did your mom ever tell you that it was important to succeed, to
win?"
Rather than point out how odd the question
was, Brian gave it some thought. "No, she never did. She always told me
that the most important thing was trying, and doing my best."
"And that it was okay not to have all
the answers?"
"Yeah."
"Huh. Maybe she's right, it is a
mom thing," he mumbled.
"What?" Brian said, thoroughly
confused.
"Never mind. Hey, how about we go
kidnap Kris and make sure she eats lunch? We can tell her that Kev would be
pissed if he knew she wasn't eating."
"Well, okay…"
"We can get one of those chef salad
things down in the cafeteria, women always eat that stuff." He shrugged;
it was another mystery why women were so in love with lettuce. "We can
bring it back to her. That way, she only has to be gone for a little
while." He stood and stretched.
"I guess that would work," Brian
said. "Ah, you feeling okay, Nick?"
Azure eyes looked over. "Yeah, I am.
C'mon, let's go. Kris needs us to take care of her now."
"Right," Brian said as he followed
his younger brother out of the lounge. He didn't understand the abrupt shift in
attitude, but he wasn't questioning it. He was only glad for the change.
*******
AJ and Howie arrived at the hospital just as
evening visiting hours began. When they went to the ICU waiting lounge, Nick
was there, but the person with him wasn't Brian.
"Kris!" AJ called, surprised and
happy to see her. He wasted no time crossing the floor and embracing her in a
huge hug, the parcel he'd been carrying dropped without a second thought.
"Hi Aje," she answered, giving a
slight chuckle as he practically picked her up off the floor.
He released her as Howie came near.
"Hey, Kris," he said, much more
subdued than his brother. He stopped short of physical contact, unsure what to do.
She looked into his hesitant brown eyes and
spoke softly. "They told me what happened," she said. "Thank
you, Howie, for what you did. They tell me your quick response might have saved
his life." She moved forward and hugged him tightly. After a second's
pause, he returned the gesture.
"I…" he began, then strengthened
the embrace. "Kris, it all happened so fast, I…"
"Howie, don't," she said, stepping
back a bit. "I see the guilt in your eyes, and it doesn't belong
there."
Her sincerity touched him, nearly making him
lose what little control of his emotions he had.
Gently she reached up and pushed back a
little bit of hair, studying the ugly purple bruise there. "You didn't
escape scott-free, I see. You must be hurting, too."
For a moment he wasn't sure which kind of
hurt she meant, then decided that it didn't matter. "Yeah, but I'll be
fine." He looked at her pale skin and drawn features. "You don't look
like you've had much chance to rest."
"I didn't want to leave Kevin,"
she said. "But Brian wanted to visit for a while, and insisted I get a
change of scenery."
"What you really need," AJ
interjected, "is a hot shower, a change of clothes, and a decent
nap."
"Mmm… that sounds wonderful, but
there's no way I'm leaving this hospital," she said.
He presented her with the parcel he'd
dropped earlier. "Clothes, sundries, and necessaries, at your service,
Ma'am," he said in an overdone British accent.
"How did you-"
"I never reveal my methods," he
said with a dismissive gesture.
"You can take a hot shower in the
Resident's area," Nick said. "I can take you there."
"But-"
"Only take you a few minutes, and as
soon as you're done we can come back here. By then maybe Brian will be done his
visit, okay?"
She looked at all three faces, each so full
of concern. Knowing she couldn't argue, and thinking how good a hot shower
sounded, she reluctantly nodded her agreement.
*******
Twenty minutes did wonders for Kristen's
well-being; Nick could see the difference at once. She told him that although
she was still tired, at least she felt clean and refreshed. He tried to talk
her into catching a short nap on one of the available beds but she refused, and
he let it rest. At least she had eaten dinner and gotten a shower… that was a
major accomplishment in his book. Besides, she could always get catnaps in
Kevin's room if she had to.
They arrived back at the waiting lounge to
find Howie dozing on the couch while AJ had a solitaire game spread out on the
table.
AJ nodded his approval at the change in
Kris, and the two sat down with him. They talked quietly for a while, letting
Howie get some rest.
Brian came in soon afterwards, glad to see
everyone there. Sighing heavily, he walked over to the small refrigerator and
retrieved a bottled water.
"How's Kevin?" AJ asked as he
joined them at the table.
"His fever is getting worse,"
Brian said tightly. "He was…" He stopped, his voice catching.
"What?"
"He was beginning to become delirious.
They made me leave because they were going to try a new procedure."
"Delirious!" Kris cried. "Why
hasn't the fever gone down yet? When someone gets-"
"Whoa there," Brian said at once.
"They said his fever isn't as high as it was before the surgery, which is
good. They're working real hard on him, Kris, we all just have to have
faith."
"I want to go to his room," she
declared unhappily as she sprang to her feet. "I need to be there…"
"You need to be right here," Brian
countered. "They won't allow anyone in there right now. They promised me
that someone would come talk to us as soon as they had news. We need to let
them concentrate on Kevin right now."
She bit her lip. AJ stood up beside her and
draped his arm across her shoulder.
"Come on, let's sit where it's more
comfortable." He steered her to the couch, sitting them both down so she
was nestled between him and the still dozing Howie.
At the sudden movement, Howie groggily came
awake. When he saw Kris there, he shifted a bit to give her a bit more room,
but she surprised him by moving closer. When she leaned her head on his
shoulder, he felt a warmth and a protectiveness come over him. Carefully he put
his arm around her, drawing her closer. His features relaxed as he caught AJ's
approving nod a second later.
Brian looked over not two minutes later and
couldn't help but smile. Howie was sound asleep, with Kris in a similar state
next to him. AJ had stretched his legs out and had leaned back as well, but
whether he was dozing or not was a mystery because of the sunglasses hiding his
eyes. He shared a look with Nick, one of amusement despite the overall
situation. He gathered the cards from the table and quietly shuffled the deck,
knowing it might be a long wait.
*******
Almost two hours passed before a familiar
figure came into the room: Dr. Meyers. She looked incredibly tired.
"Doc?" Brian said, not able to
guess at the news she might have.
"I've just come from Kevin's
room," she said, loudly enough to make both AJ and Kris stir. When Kris
moved, Howie woke as well.
When the doctor had their attention, she
continued. "His fever spiked a while ago, and when he entered into
delirium we tried a new approach." She paused and shook her head.
"He's proven to be quite a challenge." She glanced back up to find
five anxious sets of eyes on her. "The good news is, his fever's finally
broken," she said.
"Is he awake?"
"Can we see him?"
"Wait… if that's the good news, what's
the bad news?"
She turned her attention to Brian, who had
asked the last question. "The fever's broken, and his temperature is
slowly going down to normal, but he hasn't shown any sign of waking yet. During
his delirium, even though we restrained him, he did pull a few stitches that
had to be re-sutured. His motions misaligned some of the clamps around his leg
brace as well, but that's easily fixed. Our worry now is his state of response…
or, lack thereof. There are indications of a very deep unconsciousness."
"Can't you give him something to wake
him up, now that the fever is gone? Some kind of drug or something?" Nick
asked, apprehension in his voice.
"This one, he'll have to do on his own.
We can't force him awake; it's his body's way of healing. Pumping him full of
stimulants would be risky and dangerous."
"Doc," Brian said slowly,
"with all that fever, and the delirium… what about brain damage?"
Kristen gasped, her face paling at the very
idea.
Dr. Meyers held up a hand at once. "The
EKG and CAT scans we've done don't indicate any brain damage. He's been
monitored very closely. One good sign was the fact he was talking clearly
during his delerium… of course the content didn't make sense to us, but the
words were succinct and the sentences had definite structure. If his
temperature goes down another degree, we'll move him out of ICU and back into
his regular room."
"But what if something happens, wouldn't
he be better off in ICU?" Kris asked, her eyes wide.
"As long as his fever is down, there's
nothing we can do but wait until he wakes up. He's out of immediate danger, and
for that, his regular room is fine."
"Can I see him now?" she asked in
a slightly calmer voice.
"Yes," the doctor said with a nod.
"I'm thinking we'll be moving him within the hour. You can stay with him
until then."
Kristen left the room with the doctor while
the others gathered close. The four Boys bowed their heads as Brian said a
quick, but heartfelt, prayer of thanks.
Now, it would be up to Kevin.
*******
TEN
What is this place?
Pain and fear and confusion came instead of
an answer. He was lost, nothing made sense. He felt there was something he
should do, should know… but all was vague and murky. Panic gripped him.
He was on fire, though he could not
see the flames. He felt hands, terrible grasping hands pulling at him, trying
to take him where he did not want to go. He cried out in fear, trying to
escape, but horrible shadows surrounded him and blocked the way. If only he
could reach the coolness, the safe place...
*******
A sudden, abrupt cold, like a giant wave
crashing over him. Darkness, deep and cool and heavy, pressed down on him. A
stillness followed, welcome after the chaos; he huddled in the void, grateful
for the peace.
Time had little meaning. Eventually… a
minute? a day?…images began forming around him. At first it seemed like he was
watching a movie, until suddenly it pulled him in, and he was no longer seeing
it, he was part of it all… sights, and sounds, and…
*******
The road was wet, the headlights shining on
the surface. It had been a long day, and all he wanted to do was to drop Howie
off and get home. He slowed the car five miles an hour below the speed limit
-no sense in unnecessary risks- and turned the radio on. Just for a second he
glanced at the dial, adjusting the signal and asking Howie if he had any
particular preference. When he looked up again he saw headlights coming towards
him, fast. He veered to the right, not two seconds before the other car shifted
left. The two vehicles missed by scant inches, but before he could feel any
relief his car began slipping sickeningly on the wet roadway. There was a
flash, a tall shape illuminated by the car's headlights, then the sound of
shattering glass and anguished metal. Pain, intense beyond description, came
all at once, pushing him into darkness…
*******
He awoke with a jolt. He was breathing
rapidly in reaction to the nightmare and it took a moment for his vision to
adjust. A figure was nearby, but it was hard to see in the dim light. For a
second, it looked exactly like…
"Kristen?"
For a second he thought he was still
dreaming until she touched his arm and spoke.
"Kevin, thank God," she said, her
voice thick with emotion. She hugged him carefully, tears glistening on her
cheeks. "How do you feel, honey?"
"Had... I had a dream. A... nightmare.
I..." He stopped, trying to sort the experience out.
She brushed back some hair from his forehead
and said, "You've had a fever for a couple of days and were delirious for
a while. Do you remember any of it?"
"Delirious?" That would explain
things. "Yes. I feel... not so strong."
"The fever broke last night, and we've
been waiting for you to wake up since then."
"You've been here…" He processed
what she had said, slowly. "Days?"
"Yes," she assured him.
"Everyone's been trying to make me leave and get some rest, but I… I
couldn't go." Fresh tears came to her eyes all at once and she grasped his
arm tighter. "Oh, God... I was so afraid you weren't going to make it! I
couldn't bear the thought of losing you!"
"Losing me?" he said, wondering at
her intensity.
"Everyone was so worried, even the
doctors. Oh, Kevin, there was some internal bleeding that they couldn't detect
right away. When you got so feverish, they did some more tests and found what
was wrong… You were in surgery for almost two hours," she continued.
"I got here just before they took you up." She sniffed. "They
said the surgery was a huge risk, but it was your only chance. They said you'd
been showing signs of fighting the fever, and that was a good indication you
had a strong will to survive. But even when the surgery was done, the fever
didn't stop. I was s-so worried, I…" She stopped, tears choking out her
words.
Awkwardly, he reached up a hand and stroked
her hair. She composed herself after a minute and took his hand in her own.
Holding it delicately, she kissed his palm and looked deeply into his eyes.
"I know it's selfish but I need you in
my life, Kev. I need someone I can share my dreams and hopes and love with.
I've never been so scared. I thought you were going to leave me!"
"I'll always be here for you,
Kris," he declared with all the strength he could conjure. "I'm not
going… anywhere."
She leaned forward and kissed his forehead.
"I have to get the doctor, they wanted to know when you woke up. I'll be
right back, honey."
Kevin closed his eyes and tried to calm his
confusing thoughts. A while later the doctor came in with a nurse and gave him
a quick examination.
"Kevin, you're going to be just
fine," she said confidently. "You'll need to get as much rest as you
can, but I believe the immediate danger is gone. Between your tenacious will to
live and the love and support of your family, I think you've got this thing
beat for good. I'll give them the happy news when I'm finished…"
The doctor stopped talking when she realized
Kevin had fallen asleep once again. Thankfully, it was a normal sleep; the
medical team had had to work hard to get his fever down, and they would be
relieved to hear of their unqualified success. She made entries on his chart
and sighed. While the most critical part was over, he had a lot more trials to
endure. With the damage to his leg, he'd be laid up for seven weeks, at least.
His ribs were healing fine, but they would be painful for quite a while. Then
there was the surgical site, not to mention the extreme stress on his immune
system…
From the five days she'd been his doctor,
she had learned a lot about Kevin Richardson through his family and friends.
Recovery and therapy for such an active, involved man would not be easy; it
would require patience, perseverance, and a lot of rest. She grinned.
With his four 'brothers' and his wife, she was sure he'd get the rest, or else.
Kristen caught the doctor's attention the
minute the woman exited the room.
"How is he?" she asked
apprehensively.
"Kevin's fine. He's sleeping now, a
normal sleep."
"So, he'll be okay?"
"He'll be just fine if he does what
he's supposed to do. He's out of danger, yes. I'm thinking he'll be released,
barring complications, by the end of the week. But then the real trial
begins."
Worried eyes grew wide. "What
trial?"
"Kevin will have to recover for 7 to 8
weeks, a lot of that time needing to be spent off his feet. He'll need to rest,
often, and take it easy for at least that long."
"Oh wow. You're right, that will
be a trial. Kev hates being incapacitated." She grinned and rolled her
eyes. "I don't suppose you'd write a prescription for tranquilizers?"
"I'll be sending along some painkillers
but I wouldn't advise any tranquilizers for Kevin unless-"
Kris laughed. "No, I meant for
me!"
Dr. Meyers smiled broadly and patted the
younger woman on the arm. "You'll do fine. He's sleeping right now but
you're welcome to go back in if you like. Now, do you know where the others
are? I promised Kevin that I'd tell everyone the good news."
"Howie and AJ stepped out to get us all
lunch," Kris said. "I can tell them when they get here. I'm not sure
where Brian or Nick went."
"All right, if I see them I'll let them
know." Without delay, the doctor continued on with her duties.
With a silent prayer of thanks, Kristen
stepped back into the room, looking forward to spending as much time with her
beloved as possible, even if he was asleep.
*******
The doctor didn't have to go far before she
found the two young men she needed to speak to. They were hovered over some
kind of card game in the waiting lounge, neither seeming all that interested in
what they were doing. Before she caught their attention, she took a second to
note how incredibly exhausted they both looked. Indeed, none of Kevin's group
had strayed far from his side, and she could only marvel at their loyalty and
love. For the first time in days, she was eager to give them news.
"Brian, Nick?" she called as she
strode towards them. Both Boys snapped their gazes her way and, as one, came to
their feet while cards scattered to the floor.
She held up a hand against their panicked
expressions and gave them a heartfelt, genuine smile. "I just left Kevin.
He woke up while Kristen was there just a few minutes ago."
"What?" asked Brian, unsure he'd
heard right.
"Kevin's awake?" Nick cried
almost at the same time, not daring to believe the words.
"He was awake, I talked to him
briefly. He fell into a normal sleep before too much time had passed, which is
exactly what he needs now. Lots and lots of rest and time to heal."
"Can we see him?" Nick asked, his
azure eyes wide with hope.
"Absolutely," she said.
The tall blond looked as if he wanted to
either shout with joy or burst into tears. A mix of emotions crossed his face
and, in an unexpected move, he stepped forward and gave the doctor a huge,
intense hug. She returned it, patting his back as he clung to her.
"Thanks, d-doc," he said in a
shaky voice.
"You're welcome," she said, her
gray eyes shining in reaction. She stepped back and grinned up at him.
"He's a born fighter," she told them. "And he's lucky to have
such wonderful friends and family supporting him along the way."
"Still," Brian said, stepping up
to give her a hug of his own, "we owe you a lot."
"Seeing Kevin walk out of this hospital
will be payment enough. Now, go on and visit… even if he's asleep, I'm sure
Kristen would love to see you."
The two wasted no more time and practically
ran down the hall, entering the room with joy for the first time in five days.
*******
Nick volunteered to make the call to
management; not only did he want to share the good news, he also had a special
request to make. Once things were taken care of, he joined the others in
Kevin's room.
Happily, he found the oldest Boy awake
again. Kevin had been drifting back to sleep with less frequency as the day had
worn on; the doctor was more than pleased with his progress. Nick stood off to
the side, unnoticed, as he took in the general good mood around him. Kevin's
eyes were lit with amusement as Brian told some tale from their childhood;
Kristen's smile was genuine as she held her husband's hand in her own. AJ was
adding his own humorous comments into the story, despite the fact that he had
nothing to do with the incident. And Howie…
His _expression was, finally, free of guilt
and worry. When Kevin had woken the second time, they had all been present;
once he got his bearings, his first question was about Howie. Kevin's obvious
concern, and subsequent relief that his brother was okay, had erased any doubts
Howie had harbored. Once he'd understood that Kevin, himself, held no blame, he
was able to let his anxiety go for good. It was a change that everyone noticed,
and was grateful for.
Emerald eyes spied the silent figure at the
edge of the room.
"Hey, Nicky," Kevin said with a
smile. "Just in time to interrupt a totally false and ridiculous
story…"
"I'm telling you, it was true!"
Brian insisted. "I saw Kev put sugar in the salt shaker, I swear it!
Everyone blamed me, but I was completely innocent-"
"Riiight," AJ said with a smirk.
"So what'd management say?" Howie
interrupted, trying to avoid another round.
"They'll handle setting up the press
conference, which should be in about an hour downstairs. They're going to make
sure it's brief, but they'd like the four of us to be there," Nick
reported.
"And after that, I think y'all should
go home and get some decent sleep," Kevin said bluntly. "Not that I
don't appreciate your company, but I'll rest better knowing you aren't walking
around like zombies."
For a second it looked like his suggestion
would be met with protest, but Brian finally nodded.
"Good idea," he said. "And
that includes you, Kris."
"Well, I-"
"No, honey, you too," Kevin said
as he squeezed her hand. Seeing the plea in his eyes, she finally agreed.
"Okay, but first thing tomorrow
morning, I'm here," she said.
He looked like he couldn't be happier at the
prospect.
*******
The second press conference was much more
tolerable than the first one had been; with four Boys to field questions and
make statements, and the overall good news they had to share, it was a
relatively painless event. Once the reporters had filed out of the conference
room, Darla Robertson approached Nick, handing him a large shopping bag.
"Is this it?" Nick asked, taking
her aside.
"Just what you asked for, plus a few
extras. I even had it all gift wrapped."
He gave her a grateful hug and said,
"You're the best, Dar. Remind me to give you a raise!"
"I'll be sure to bring it up at review
time," she joked. "But what are personal assistants for, anyway? I
get to spend other people's money, and get paid to shop. If you need anything
else, just let me know."
"I will, thanks again."
He peeked inside, finding several colorfully
wrapped parcels. It would be perfect… or, at least he hoped it would be.
"What's in the bag, Frack?" came
the curious question.
"Oh, just some presents," Nick
answered with a shrug.
Brian tried to see inside the bag. "You
got Kev something? What is it?"
"Uh, well, no. It's not for
Kevin," Nick said. "It's for a friend. Kind of a… a birthday
gift."
A pause. "Is this the same friend that
you went off and visited before?"
"Yeah, that's the one. We can stop by
her room before we leave, okay? Or you can wait down here, either way."
Brian shook his head. "No, I want to
meet this friend. You've got me curious, now."
"Okay, let's go."
They said goodbye to Howie, Kris and AJ,
promising to meet up with them in the morning for a pre-visit breakfast.
Stepping onto the elevator, Brian's questions began.
"So who is this friend?"
"Just someone I met."
"So this is a new friend?"
"Yeah."
"Old, young, married, single,
what?"
"About my age, single."
"You're not telling me you picked up
some girl in the hospital, are you? Don't you ever turn off that charm?"
"It's not like that, Bri. I'm not
interested in her that way." Nick watched as the elevator stopped
on the fourth floor. "This is it," he said as he got out.
Brian's feet faltered when he spied the
sign. "Whoa, wait a minute… Neonatal? Nick, what's going on here?"
Nick grinned, thoroughly enjoying his best
friend's confusion. "It's where the babies are kept," he explained.
"I know that's where babies are
kept," Brian retorted. "But what does this have to do-"
"Look," Nick said as he stopped in
front of the glassed-in nursery. "See the baby, the third one from the end?
That's Elena Lynn," he said proudly. "Isn't she beautiful?"
Dumbfounded, Brian stared at the tall blond
beside him, then looked at the row of infants. His face softened a bit.
"Yeah, I guess she is."
"Come on, let's go meet her mom."
Brian could only follow in silence.
Nick knocked on the door, and was pleased to
hear Jeannie's voice answer.
"Hi, Jeannie," he said with a
tentative smile. "Mind a brief visit?"
Her eyes reflected her sincerity as she
said, "That would be great, come on in."
"Um, I brought someone else," he
said, stepping to the side. "This is-"
"Brian Littrell," she finished,
her smile growing as she held out a hand. "Hi. I'm Jeannie Stephens."
"Pleased to meet you," he said
politely. "And… I guess congratulations are due. You have a beautiful
daughter."
"Thanks," she replied, practically
glowing.
"I know you said you didn't need
anything," Nick said, coming to her side, "but I wanted to get you a
little gift, for the baby and all."
"You didn't have to do that," she
began.
"I wanted to, and besides, it might
come in handy." He took out a medium sized box wrapped in a rainbow
patterned paper. "If you already have one, I can always exchange it."
He bit his lip nervously as she accepted the
package and unwrapped it. She gave a small gasp of delight.
"A video camera! Oh, I definitely don't
have anything like this, these things cost-" She stopped and gave him a
frown. "This is way too expensive, I can't accept it."
He laughed. "Are you kidding? I have
clothes that cost ten times that," he said. "And you have to capture
all the baby moments on camera, so you'll have them when she's not so little
anymore. Please accept it, okay?"
She answered by reaching up and pulling him
into a grateful hug. "Thank you so much, this is just wonderful. I will
definitely use it, having recorded memories will be such a treasure."
"There's something else that you can
use right now," he said, giving her a second box.
Quickly she tore the paper away and laughed.
"A Polariod camera!"
He took it from her hands. "You can't
start the baby pictures too soon," he said. "But mommy first."
He pointed it at her.
"Oh my god, no, I look horrible!"
she exclaimed, putting her hands up to block the shot.
Nick lowered the camera and caught her gaze.
Slowly, in all seriousness, he said, "No, you look beautiful.
Exactly the way a new mom should."
She lowered her hands and, feeling the
sincerity of his words, broke into a warm smile. "Can I get one of you,
too?"
"Sure, if you want," he said as he
lined up the camera again. A quick click!, and he put the picture on the
table. He flashed her his famous smile and she took a shot of him.
"How about the both of you,
together?" Brain asked, not able to keep the amazed grin from his face.
Soon, the camera was clicking and depositing
photographs left and right. Nick and Jeannie, Nick and Brian, Brian and
Jeannie. Brian alone. Both Boys, making goofy faces. Jeannie laughing.
Nick was glad to see that Darla had thought
to bring a whole bunch of extra film cartridges; there were at least a dozen in
the bag. Jeannie would be set for a while.
The mystery package at the bottom turned out
to be a photo album, fitted with sleeves especially for Polaroid pictures.
Jeannie was thrilled and touched by the thoughtfulness of the gifts, and
promised to start filling the album right away.
When the nurse brought in baby Elena for a
feeding, a new flurry of pictures were taken, until the infant began to
complain about the lack of food. Taking that as their cue to leave, Nick gave
Jeannie a final hug and a kiss on her forehead, wishing her the best of luck
with Elena. With a wave, the two left the room, Nick sticking a photograph of
mother and baby in his pocket as he walked out the door.
Not a word was said until the pair left the
hospital and crossed the walkway to the parking garage, where Brian's car
awaited. Before he unlocked the door, the older Boy spoke.
"You never cease to surprise me,
Bro," he said, shaking his head. "That was really nice, what you
did."
Nick's eyebrows raised and he gave a
half-grin. "Gee, thanks, Bri… you're saying that my doing something nice
is a surprise, huh?"
"That's not what I meant, and you know
it," he said, rolling his eyes. He paused, then got a bit more serious.
"It was a great gift, a really thoughtful one. You never told me how you
two, ah, met."
"A story for another time," Nick
promised with a shrug. "Come on, I want to get home."
"Then tell me this: why'd you want to
give her such a personal gift, when you only met her a couple of days
ago?"
Nick ran a hand through his hair and finally
said, "Let's just say she taught me about priorities, and keeping it all
in perspective."
When he fell silent, Brian knew that nothing
more would be forthcoming. Knowing he would eventually be able to pry the entire
story from his friend, he let the matter rest. He was too tired to protest, and
wanted to get home as soon as possible.
"Let's go," he said as he unlocked
the doors. "I don't think I'll have a bit of trouble getting to sleep
tonight."
"Yeah," Nick said as he climbed
in. "Me either."
As Brian backed out of the parking space,
Nick added, "I hope we never have to go through anything like that again.
I'm just so glad that Kev's okay… that we're all okay."
"Amen," came Brian's soft,
hearfelt reply. "Amen."
*******
EPILOGUE
Awkwardly he moved through the cemetery,
leaning heavily on his cane. He reached the gravesite and let out a sigh of
accomplishment. It had taken nearly 9 weeks of pain and healing and therapy and
stubbornness to come this far, to stand in this place. Of course, he hadn't
done it alone… he owed much to his wife and brothers.
Lovingly he placed a huge bouquet of flowers
near the headstone and smiled. They were all of a beautiful purple, just like
the flower his father had shown him when the whole thing had started: Anna's
flower. Now, more than ever, Kevin had every intention of working hard to make
his 'garden' grow and expand and thrive.
Gently, he spoke.
"Well, Dad, here we are again. I know
it's been a while since my last visit... I wish I could do more to tell you how
grateful I am for our talk. I want to thank you for encouraging me to hope
again, to treasure life for what it can be rather than despair at what it is. A
lot has happened since the accident.
"I've noticed a real change in Nick, if
you can believe it. A lot of that out-of-control prankster attitude is gone, he
seems to be more… serious, I'd say. Not depressed or down, though, it's a kind
of mature seriousness. I sure can't explain it, but he took everyone by
surprise with his reaction to the accident. AJ tells me how scared he was when
I was brought in... from what I hear, he handled it really badly at first. But something
happened soon after, although he won't tell any of us details, not even Brian.
Whatever it was, it made a big difference. All I know for sure is he isn't
acting like a kid any longer. I think you're right, about him wanting a friend
rather than a father. It's kind of strange, but we're sort of getting to know
one another on a new level. There's a deeper side to him than I… than anyone…
ever suspected. He still has his weird sense of humor and likes to goof around,
but that desperate drive for attention is gone."
He rubbed at the plain gold band on his
finger and gave a slight smile.
"Kris and I are closer now than ever
before, something I didn't think was possible. We actually talked about some of
our fears, and I think it made things stronger between us. We've even made
tentative plans for a vacation… a real vacation, not one filled with painkillers
and physical therapy… early next year. I'm thinking we'll start discussing kids
soon, although the idea seems… incredible."
He shifted a bit, and gazed across the lawn.
He gave a sigh and spoke in a low voice.
"What I really came here to say is you
were right, Dad. About the comfort thing. I hadn't realized how much I needed
everyone's support until the accident. At first I didn't really have a choice
in the matter, with all the physical stuff I had to deal with. But then I
discovered that there was something else happening. By allowing other people to
take some of the burden, by letting them offer comfort to me, I… I relaxed. In
a way I hadn't in a long, long time. I realized that the world didn't rest on
my shoulders, and that it felt good to let go." He gave a small grin.
"Not that I'm giving up being the 'authority figure' of the group.
Someone's got to keep my crazy brothers in line, and I have years of practical
experience."
He fell silent, feeling a sense of
contentment he'd never had when visiting this place. A faint breeze stirred the
flowers he'd put on the ground; just for a second he felt the lightest brush on
his arm... or had he imagined it?
With a smile he turned and headed back down
the path. Suddenly, the day seemed warmer, the sun a bit brighter. Soon he saw
the figures of the five people that made his life truly worth living. He called
out and gave them a smile, letting them all know that things were okay. Really
okay.
Kevin Richardson was, most definitely, glad
to be alive.
Fin
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