This One’s For You
By: Lara
This one will never sell…they’ll never understand…I
don’t even sing it well, I try but I just can’t…But I sing it every night, and
I fight to keep it in…’cause this one’s for you…this one’s for you…
“Thank you,” JC said into the microphone, flexing
his hands as he pushed back from the piano.
“Okay…as y’all know…this is the part where I take a request. Anything y’all want…shout it out and we’ll
see if I know it.”
Female voices screamed out various songs, and he
had to smile. Some of the offers were
ridiculous, some of them he only wished he could sing. “Brown Light,” a voice called out, and JC
froze.
After NSYNC had amicably broken up, everyone had
attempted their own thing. Justin had
released a solo album which did relatively well, but he found he enjoyed
writing and producing the most, and quickly moved into that side of the
business. Lance, well, Lance moved into
the business side of the business. He
was well known in the industry as someone who could get things done, and he
soon became one of the most successful managers in music. Joey turned to acting, doing amazingly well
in the small parts he was offered. JC
toned things down. He wrote and produced for other people, and wrote for
himself, but he kept performing. He took his one man act to small clubs and
bars in larger cities, and women still flocked to see him. They enjoyed his own
work as much as some of the NSYNC things he performed, and that pleased
him. Chris? Chris busied himself with FuMan and other side projects and
anything else that came along. Anything else that kept him far away from where
JC was. Their two year relationship had
broken up along with the group…and it seemed like nothing JC could do could
bring it back together again.
“Brown Light?” JC asked nervously, smiling at the
woman in the front row. “How’d you know that one?”
“It’s my favorite song on your album!” She called
back.
“Please, JC, do it!” Another woman yelled. It was always the same. Of all the songs on
his two solo albums, they always asked for this one. The one he wrote for
Chris.
“I dunno…my voice isn’t right for that
tonight.” He always tried to get out of
it. They never bought it.
“Please?”
JC sighed and sat back down at the piano. He stared at the keys, then slowly played a
few chords. “It was dark when I met you…I felt so alone…then I saw your eyes
smiling at me…calling me home…I tried to fight the things I felt…I tried to
just move by…but I couldn’t fight the hand that I was dealt…and I knew I had to
try…” JC blinked back tears. “The brown
light of your eyes…calling my name…the sparkle in the dark…I knew I’d never be
the same…the brown light…shining at me…I knew that wherever that light would
shine…was home for me…”
I’ve done a hundred
songs, from fantasies to lies…but this one’s so real for me, that I’m the one
who cries…and I sing it every night…and I fight to hide the tears…’cause this
one’s for you…this one’s for you…this one’s for you, wherever you are…to say
that nothing’s been the same, since we’ve been apart…this one’s for all the
love we once knew…like everything else I have…this one’s for you…
“JC, amazing. Another sold out house,” his manager
said enthusiastically. JC frowned.
“I need to get to bed.”
“JC…the fans…they want some time with you,” the man
said, frowning. JC checked his watch.
“I’ve been onstage for over two hours. I’m tired
and I want to go to bed.”
“God, SOMEONE needs to get laid,” he heard his
manager mutter. JC glared at the back
of the man’s head, then slipped out a side door and crawled into the waiting
limo.
Once in the back seat, JC pulled out his
wallet. An old and wrinkled photograph
met his eyes as soon as he opened the leather billfold. Chris and JC, their arms around each other,
making goofy faces. JC closed his eyes.
He could still feel Chris’ embrace, the way he snuggled close in the morning,
the way he felt all clean and smooth after a shower. After all the misunderstandings, all the evil words and
insults…he couldn’t forget.
I’ve got it all it seems, for all it means to
me…but I sing of things I miss, and things that used to be…and I wonder every
night, if you might just miss me too…and I sing for you…I sing for you…
“A baby.” JC shook his head, smiling at Justin and
Britney. “You two…amazing.” He winked
at Britney. “You gonna make an honest man of him?”
“Is that possible?” She asked, and JC grinned.
“Probably not.” That earned a slap on the head from
Justin. “So…have you heard from anyone
else?” He asked nervously.
“Lance is getting some award.” Justin rolled his
eyes. “Workaholic. Joey got a major
role in a new movie…it should be awesome.”
“That’s really all we know,” Britney said
softly.
“It’s okay.” JC kissed her cheek. “I reserved you a
table for four, like you asked. It’s in
front. Go out there and smile pretty at
me, okay?”
“We will.”
Britney hugged him. “He misses you,” she whispered, then pulled Justin
out of JC’s dressing room before he could reply.
The one’s for you, wherever I go…to say the things
I should have said, things that you should know…this one’s to say that I all I
can do…is hope that you will hear me sing ‘cause…this one’s for you…
“Okay…this is normally the time that I ask for
requests,” JC said, swiveling his long legs out from under the piano. He smiled down at Justin and Britney. The
other half of their table remained empty. “However…since someone USUALLY asks
for “Brown Light,” I’m gonna go ahead with that. I’ve added a verse or two…this
song’s been heavy on my heart lately. I
hope you enjoy it.”
JC turned back to the piano, closing his eyes and
feeling the pain anew. Chris’ smile,
Chris’ body…Chris’ heart…all of which JC no longer had. “The world is even darker now…the brown
light has gone out…I know in my mind that I was wrong…of that there is no
doubt…I’d give everything I own…all that’s dear to me…if I could pull you into
my arms…if I could make you see…” The tears started again, and this time JC let
them fall. He didn’t care who saw. “Brown light…I need you back in my
life…brown light…you’re the only one to make it right…I need your brown
light…brown eyes smiling at me…only you can make life good again for me…”
The audience burst into applause. JC stared at his shoes, unable to go on.
“That’s all I have for you tonight. Thank you and God bless you all.” JC left the stage without looking up.
He sat in his dressing room, a towel draped over
his head. He was shaking. Singing those
words was the hardest thing he had ever done. This song wasn’t for anyone but
Chris, and JC had been a fool to try and perform it. From now on, no matter WHAT his asshole manager said, that song
was retired. Someone knocked at his
dressing room door. “It’s Justin.”
“C’mon in, J.”
JC sighed and removed the towel from his head. “What did you…” JC froze
as he looked into a pair of brown eyes.
“Chris.”
“Hi, JC,” Chris said softly, closing the door
behind him. “How are you?”
“I, uh, fine.” JC drank Chris in. He looked as good
as always, as good as the last time JC had seen him, eight months earlier.
“I was in town and…oh fuck that’s not true.” Chris
looked at JC and smiled sadly. “I miss you so much I can hardly breathe.”
“I thought you hated me,” JC whispered, unable to
raise his voice.
“I did,” Chris admitted. “Then I realized that this
thing fell apart just as much because of me as you. We were both wrong. And I
refused to let it get in the way of what we could be.” Chris tilted his head to the side. “Why
didn’t you ever call?”
“I was afraid to hear you say those things again,”
JC said softly.
“Baby…I’m sorry.” Chris enveloped JC in a hug, and
JC was shocked to feel Chris’ tears wet his shirt. “I’m so sorry. Justin
invited me along tonight…and I wasn’t gonna come. But something made me show up…just
when you were singing my song. I love you, Josh.”
“I love you, too, Chris.” JC wiped away his tears and smiled. “So much.”
The End
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