The Secret Of Christmas

By:  Lara

One 

“You have them ready, right?” Lance struggled to keep the phone on his ear as he dug into his pocket. “I just have to sign them.” He handed the money to the taxi driver. “Keep the change.” He hefted his laptop bag onto his shoulder and entered the airport. “Look…you're my assistant. How hard is it to address Christmas card envelopes? Just make sure they're at my house when I get home. I need to go.” Lance hung up the phone and went to check in.

His phone rang as he sat by the gate. “Hello?”

“Hey, baby.”

“Hello, Justin.” Lance's eyes scanned down the contract he was reading. “How are you?”

“Good…I found the perfect tree today. It'll look gorgeous in my family room,” Justin said. “And I wrapped some presents, and I have my Christmas cards stamped and by the door.”

“Good for you,” Lance said absently. He looked out the window of the airport. “Oh, fuck.”

“What's wrong?”

“It's beginning to snow.” Lance sighed as the first flurries breezed by the window.

“Really? You're so lucky!” Justin said wistfully. “I love snow.”

“I know you do,” Lance said, remembering all the times Justin had dragged him out into the snow to make snowmen or snow angels.

“Snow's so romantic,” Justin said with a sigh. “I finished all my promo stuff…so I should be around the entire holiday.”

“That's great, babe,” Lance said. “Look…they're gonna call my flight soon, so I have to go.”

“Be safe,” Justin said. “I love you so much, Lance.”

“You, too,” Lance said, then turned off his phone. 

Look at the happy people…Christmas is in the air…well, I know the secret of Christmas…a secret I'm willing to share… 

 

“Hey!” Lance said in surprise. “What are YOU doing here?”

“Justin's decorating your house, so I said I'd pick you up,” Joey said, hugging Lance. “How was New York?”

“Cold. It started to snow,” Lance said, frowning. “Decorating my house?”

“For Christmas, silly. God knows you won't,” Joey said. A Salvation Army worker was ringing a bell in front of the airport. Joey opened his wallet and dropped a twenty into the bucket.

“Joey! That's twenty dollars!” Lance gasped.

“And it's going to charity, Lance,” Joey reminded him. “Christmas isn't all about cards and wrapping paper.”

“Don't I know it,” Lance groaned. “It's about boyfriends picking out Christmas trees and having to make the rounds of the families.”

“Is that how you see it?” Joey asked, stopping. Lance almost ran into him. A woman dropped a package and Joey bent to pick it up. “You think Christmas is work?”

“My life is always about work, Joe,” Lance said. The woman gave Joey a cheerful “Merry Christmas” and kept on going. “I worked to go into space and it didn't happen. I worked on a movie that bombed. I work on NSYNC. I work on my company. I have things to do…and Christmas isn't something I have time for. I send the cards, I give the presents, I sing the carols. I do my part.”

“That isn't Christmas, Lance. That's…I don't know what.” Joey shook his head sadly. “I'm sorry for you, man.” 

“Hi!” Justin happily scampered over to Lance and hugged him. Lance sighed, feeling the weariness of the work and the plane flight leave his body the instant Justin came in contact with him. As much as Justin annoyed him sometimes, as much as they were never together, Justin could heal him in an instant. Justin was his angel, his dream come true…and something he often neglected.

“Hi, babe.” Lance kissed Justin, then looked around the living room. “Whoa.”

“Is it too much?” Justin asked. “I tried to do what you would like.”

“It's great,” Lance said politely. “Hey, Jayce.”

“Hey.” JC smiled from his spot on a short ladder. He was hanging mistletoe above the entrance to the dining room.

Everyone talked for a bit, then Lance went upstairs to drop off his baggage. He was surprised when JC followed him into his bedroom. “Thanks for helping Justin.”

“I tried to talk him out of it,” JC said softly. “I knew you wouldn't like it.”

“It's fine,” Lance snapped. “I'm sorry.”

“Hey…have you thought about what I asked you? About being my manager?” JC asked.

Lance swallowed. “Look, JC…not that you aren't the most talented person I know, but I don't think it's a good idea. We're friends, and…”

“If we were friends, you'd do it,” JC replied quietly. “You don't think I'll make you any money.”

“That's not it at all!” Lance protested.

“No, that's exactly it. Lance from five years ago would do it. Hollywood Lance can't see past the dollar signs.” JC left the bedroom and Lance heard his front door slam soon after. Lance sighed and sat down on the bed. 

It's not the glow you feel…when snow appears…it's not the Christmas cards…you've sent for years…

Two 

 

“I was thinking that maybe we could go downtown tomorrow,” Justin said, snuggling closer to Lance. Lance yawned and lay his head on Justin's head.

“Why?” Lance murmured.

“Some of the kids' choirs will be down there, singing carols and stuff. I know one of the churches is having a bell choir concert. It would be nice,” Justin said. He loved music in all forms.

“I have stuff to do tomorrow, babe,” Lance said, and he felt Justin sigh with disappointment. “I know…I want to get it done early so I can spend more time with you. I don't have time for kids or bells.”

“I made time for you,” Justin said in a tight voice. “I have a lot of shit going on with this album and…”

“I know you do,” Lance interrupted. “But this stuff can't wait.”

Justin sat up. “Either can my career, Lance, but I made sure it's waiting because of YOU.” Justin stood up. “I love you, Lance, but lately you've become a real scrooge.”

Lance laughed. “What?”

“You don't know how to love. You don't know how to play. You know how to work. And it's pushing everyone away…starting with JC.”

“JC's not pushed away,” Lance retorted. “Just because I said no…”

“And just about killed him,” Justin said.

“I'll make sure and send him a really good present,” Lance promised.

“You can't buy him, Lance. I agreed to manage him, by the way.”

“You? You don't have a company,” Lance said in disbelief.

“I don't need one. And thanks a lot for that voice of encouragement.” Justin was out the door of Lance's house before Lance could stop him. 

Not the joyful sound when sleigh bells ring…or the merry sound children sing…the little gift you send on Christmas Day will not bring back the friend you've turned away… 

 

“Lance. Lance.” Someone shook Lance hard.

“Joey?” Lance sat up and blinked. “What's your problem? What the hell are you doing here?”

“We need to have a talk, Lance. You need a spanking, actually, but I'm not gonna lower myself by doing it.” Joey smiled at Lance as he perched on the windowsill of Lance's bedroom.

“Joey, what are you doing sitting in my window at three in the morning?” Lance rubbed his eyes.

“Let's say I'm not exactly Joey. Let's say I'm the voice of experience, visualized in a form that you'll recognize and pay attention to.”

“What?”

“Just listen to me. You've turned into a real prick, Lance, with no thoughts of anyone but yourself.”

“You're insane,” Lance said angrily. “I think of everyone. I think of you, Chris, JC, Justin…”

“You call Chris and I to get phone numbers of people you need to talk to. You turned JC away, stomped on his dreams. And Justin…” Joey shook his head. “I can't believe that boy still loves you.”

“I love him. I tell him all the time.”

“You tell him when you HAVE time.” Joey reached out without getting up and yanked Lance out of the bed. “Put on a robe. We're going for a walk.”

“You SO need your ass kicked,” Lance grumbled, but he did as Joey asked.

“C'mere, boy.” Joey put an arm around Lance and suddenly they were flying.

“Joey!” Lance yelped, hanging on tight. “Where are we going?”

“Stop one,” Joey said, sitting on another windowsill.

“Joey, she'll see us! She'll…hey, that's my assistant!” Lance said in surprise.

“She can't see or hear us, don't worry,” Joey promised. “And yes, it is your assistant.”

“What's she doing up at this hour?” Lance wondered. They watched the young woman, who was hard at work at a small table.

“She's addressing your Christmas cards. She never got around to it and she knows you're pissed at her.”

“Damn straight. It's her job, and I don't ask much,” Lance said.

“Close your eyes,” Joey ordered. Lance huffed a sigh but did as he was asked. “This is what she'd be doing if she had no clue you existed. Open your eyes.”

Lance opened his eyes and saw his assistant fast asleep in bed. Her arm was thrown around the waist of a handsome young man, and a wedding picture stood on the nightstand. “Yeah? So she can sleep without me.”

“No, she has a life. She's married, with a wonderful life. Right now, she's married to you and your work,” Joey said. “Don't you get it?”

“So I should address my own cards?” Lance asked. Joey sighed.

“Don't you think we notice when it's not your handwriting?” Joey asked, and said nothing more. “Come on. I have something else to show you that may open your eyes a bit.”

They whooshed through the air to a house Lance knew all too well. “Hey! That's JC's house!”

“Yes, it is,” Joey replied.

“He'll definitely be sleeping. We're talking JC here,” Lance said, smiling. He was surprised to find JC wide awake when they finally appeared in JC's bedroom. “Hey, that's the gift I bought him!” Lance said. He glared as JC took the box and kicked it across the room. “That was expensive!”

“Obviously the hurt you caused had more impact than the expensive gift you sent,” Joey said quietly.

“How rude,” Lance said, but his voice held no anger. “He was that upset?”

“You turned him away because you didn't think he'd be successful. Not only is that a blow to ANYONE's ego, but it showed that you value money more than your friends.”

“No. Never,” Lance whispered. Joey looked at him sharply. “Honest, Joey!”

“Okay.” Joey made a motion for Lance to be quiet. They watched JC go downstairs and answer his front door.

“Justin? What's he doing there at this hour? Is he okay?” Lance asked anxiously. He gasped as he saw the tears streaming down Justin's face. JC pulled him into a hug and they went into the living room. “Figures, JC would start a fire in Florida. He's always cold,” Lance commented as JC went to the fireplace.

“I can't reach him anymore, Jayce. I love him so much and he…” Justin angrily wiped at a tear. “I should just say fuck him.”

“Yeah, you should,” JC said. “But you can't help loving him.”

“No,” Justin admitted.

“Baby,” Lance whispered, wanting to hug his boy. “I'm so sorry.” Instead, he watched JC give Justin a comforting hug as they sat in front of the fire.

“Close your eyes,” Joey commanded, and Lance did as he was told. “Open them and see what life without you would be like for them.”

Lance opened his eyes and gasped. Justin was leaning against JC's sofa as he sat on the floor. JC was in the vee of Justin's legs, snuggled close. They watched the fire and occasionally kissed. “This is the best Christmas ever,” Justin told JC. “I'm so happy. I have everything I want.”

“Me, too,” JC said, kissing Justin again. Pictures of them as a couple lined the walls of the house that they obviously shared.

“What…what are they doing?” Lance gasped.

“They're in love,” Joey said. “They're in love. Justin has no doubts about JC's feelings, and they're truly happy.”

Suddenly they whirled through the air and Lance found himself in his own bedroom once more. “Why did you show me this, Joey? Want me to kill myself so everyone else can be happy?”

“No. I want you to reevaluate your life. See how your actions and words make others feel. You can make lives better. And not just by Christmas charity. I'm talking all year round, Lance. What the hell? What turned you into such a jerk?”

“I wanted to succeed. I don't have what you guys have…I don't have the drive or the talent. I needed a backup,” Lance whispered. Joey didn't look sympathetic.

“You need to start being honest with everyone…beginning with yourself.” Joey was gone suddenly, and Lance was alone on his bed.

Three

So, may I suggest the secret of Christmas…is not the things you do at Christmastime…but the Christmas things you do all year through… 
 

Lance woke up with a pounding headache, as if he had been drinking all night. But he hadn't been drinking. He had all but cried himself to sleep. How had it gotten this far? Why…why had he done such awful things to his friends and the people around him? He loved his friends, loved Justin more than life…but they all thought he valued money and success more.

Lance jumped out of bed and rubbed his eyes. He headed for the shower, determined to start making some changes. 

He answered the door at the first knock. “Here. I know it's like Christmas Eve and everything and I'm sorry,” the assistant said fearfully. “I was up all night and…”

“I know,” Lance said gently, smiling at her. “You can never know how much I really appreciate this, but starting next year, I'll do my own, if that's okay.”

“Whatever you say,” the assistant said, shocked.

“I have a gift for you,” Lance said. He handed her an envelope and she opened it.

“A cruise?”

“Yes. Two weeks around the Caribbean. You leave on January 4^th. I don't want you coming back unless you're brown and rested,” Lance said.

“But you have things that need done,” she protested.

“Things I can take care of myself. But if you feel the need to work, see all the shows onboard that you can, and try and find me a new star. But I don't want to hear a word from you until you're back, understand?”

“Yes,” she said, still in shock.

“Have a great holiday,” Lance said. “I'll call you after Christmas to touch base with you.”

“Yes, sir,” she said, slowly turning and heading for her car.

Lance smiled as he closed the door. This was easy. It would only get harder after this. 

“Hello?”

“Chris…what are you doing right now?”

“I'm nowhere NEAR my little black book, if that's what you're asking.”

“No…I, well, I needed to do some last minute shopping and I wondered if you were free.”

“Me? Lance, you never shop with me. You only shop with JC and Justin.”

“I want to shop with you,” Lance said. “We've seen far too little of each other lately. Unless you're busy.”

“Uh, no. I'll come pick you up.”

“See if Joey's around. We could shop and do lunch.”

“Are you feeling okay?”

“No…I'm not. I'm feeling better than okay for the first time in weeks.” 

“Who's that for?” Joey asked as Lance paid the cashier.

“JC.”

“You're buying JC a snowglobe?” Chris asked, laughing. “You know he about hates your guts right now, correct?”

“Yes, I know. But…it makes me think of him.” Inside the snowglobe was a small choir of singers, and the director looked amazingly like JC. The snowglobe played “Silent Night,” JC's favorite Christmas song. “I'll just send it and hope he at least opens this one.”

“I think you should deliver it,” Joey said, and Chris stared at him.

“Are you insane?” Chris asked.

“No. I think JC would appreciate it more if Lance went himself.”

“And groveled,” Lance finished for Joey. Joey smiled and said nothing. 

“What do you want?” JC asked as soon as he opened the door.

“I brought you a Christmas gift,” Lance said shyly, handing him the box.

“I got your other gift.”

“That wasn't the right gift. This one is right.” Lance shoved the box at him. “Please.”

“Whatever.” JC sighed and opened the box, not even inviting Lance into the house. “A snowglobe.”

“It plays Silent Night,” Lance said quietly. “I know that when you get stressed out, like when you're writing or whatever, Christmas songs soothe you. And the guy looks like you…tall, brown hair, blue eyes. I just thought when you go into the studio, it would help.” Lance smiled sadly. “I wasn't a good friend to you, JC, and I apologize from the bottom of my heart. Justin will be a fantastic manager for you…but if there's anything I can do, let me know, okay?”

“Uh, okay.” JC looked at Lance. “Thank you, Lance. Really.”

“You're welcome. I'll call you later this week, okay?” Lance turned and went to the car before JC could say anything else. 

No one answered Justin's door, so Lance let himself in with the key Justin had given him. He smiled as he looked around the house. Justin had done an incredible job decorating, but the tree stood bare in the corner, boxes of decorations scattered on the floor. Maybe this would help. Lance was more nervous than he had ever been, and he needed something to keep him busy. 

“And heaven and nature sing…and heaven and…” Justin stopped singing as he entered his living room. “What…who…”

“Hi.” Lance appeared from the kitchen. “I took the liberty. I hope it looks okay.”

“It looks nice. Thank you,” Justin said politely.

“Justin…” Lance blinked hard. “Justin…I said some terrible things to you. You were right. I sounded like I didn't have faith in you and that was so wrong.” Lance looked at his feet. “You are amazing. You're talented in a way I could never dream of, and you're just as smart as I am when it comes to the business side of things, though I know you prefer the music side. If you need any help with JC, I'm here for you. And…I know I've been shoving you away, and that is the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. I probably have already lost you…and someone else is right around the corner waiting to snatch you up,” Lance said, thinking of JC. “I…I want you to know I love you more than life, and I'm sorry.”

“Oh, Lance.” Justin came over to hug him. Lance buried his face in Justin's neck. “You haven't lost me, I promise. I love you, too…only you…and no one is taking me away from you. I just wanted the old Lance back. The one I fell for years ago.”

“I want to come back, too,” Lance said against Justin's neck.

“C'mere.” Justin pulled Lance towards the sofa. “Let's just sit here together all day and just be happy that we're together.”

“No,” Lance said. “Let's sit here for a while, then go downtown. It's so pretty this time of year.”

“If only it would snow,” Justin said wistfully.

“Next year we'll go somewhere cold and snowy…New England…upstate New York…and you can have all the snow you want,” Lance promised.

“I just want you,” Justin said, wrapping himself around Lance.

The End

 

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