Waterfall Wishes
By: Mary
Copyright © 1998
"I bet you ten bucks you won't do it,"
Brian chuckled.
"Oh yeah?" Mary's eyes brightened at the
challenge.
"You don't have the nerve." Brian knew
she wasn't going to let this challenge go. They hadn't been best friends for
all of their lives for nothing. Sixteen years was a long time and he knew her
well.
She jumped up from the blanket that she had been
laying back on beside Brian and climbed the steep hill till she was over
looking the waterfall down below. She looked out of the landscape and sighed.
It was breathtaking in it's own right and she once again was blown away that
she actually was in this wonderful place. Mary's eyes settled on Brian who was
still yelling cat calls at her about not being able to go through with this.
She was fine with it until she looked down. Heights had never been her strong
point. She wobbled a little bit and put her hands out on some vines to steady
herself.
"Mary!" Brian jumped up when he seen her
stumble. He climbed the steep hill and grabbed her arm to help steady her.
"Are you okay?" his blue eyes etched with concern.
"Yeah, I'm fine. It's slick up here," she
said, trying to get a better foothold.
"Uh huh, and you're fear isn't helping,
huh?" he smiled.
"Yeah, well you know..." Mary trailed
off.
"Yeah, I know," Brian chuckled. Both were
laughing now and trying to stay standing up. It really was slick where they
were standing. "Okay, Mar, the bets off. Come on, I'll buy you
lunch."
Mary turned to climb down the hill and she thought
that Brian was behind her until she heard him scream.
"BRIAN!" Mary screamed, running to the
edge of the waterfall. Brian had fell.
4 years later
"Come on Mar, let's go!" Jen called,
wanting to check out that waterfall she had heard so much about.
"Jen, it will still be there no matter what
time we get there," Mary pointed out, stumbling down the hallway. She
wasn't looking forward to going back to that waterfall. Her best friend had
died there and every time she went back there the memories of their last time
together filled her head. She couldn't shake them.
"I know but the guys will be here soon and I
want to be ready to leave when they get here," Jen whined.
"Okay okay," Mary headed for the bathroom
and closed the door loudly behind her.
Jen jumped and then smiled at the closed door. She
knew why Mary was acting this way but she also knew that she had to face this
and not keep running from it.
Twenty minutes later Mary emerged from the bathroom
and seen that Joe and Nick were now there.
"Ready to go?" Joe smiled, kissing the
top of her head.
"I guess so," Mary answered. Why was this
bothering her so much this time. She had been back there hundreds of times
since Brian's death. Why was it so hard now? She knew why. Joe was with her now
and she'd never went there with another guy since Brian. Brian had been her
best friend but she had loved him even though he hadn't known. She felt like
she was invading Brain's memory by having Joe there. Why had she agreed to
this? Because Jen had wanted to spend time with Nick at the cabin and Mary had
to be there for her to be able to. And of course Joe had to come when he heard.
She loved him but this was so hard for her. Joe noticed the change in her and
gave Jen a strange look. Jen gave him and understanding look and they all
headed for the trail that would lead them to the river.
"Come on," Joe was trying to get Mary in
the water.
She looked over at Jen and Nick splashing around in
the water and having a wonderful time. Mary's thoughts drifted back to when
Brian and her would do the same thing. She couldn't make new memories here with
Joe. It would hurt her memories of Brian, wouldn't it?
"Mary, what's wrong?" Joe's concerned
voice lifted her from her memories of Brian.
Her brown eyes studied Joe's face for a few moments
before she answered him. "I can't be here with you, Joe. I just
can't." She jumped up and ran down the path that lead back to the cabin.
Joe jumped up to follow her but Jen's hand on his
shoulder stopped him. "Give her some time alone first, okay? She needs to
figure out what's going through her head right now."
He nodded and wondered around the area lost in his
own thoughts for a little while, giving Mary some time to do what Jen had said.
He walked up the steep hill and stood looking over at the waterfall and the
river down below. The view was really something and Joe was in awe of the
beauty and wonder of it all. He turned to go back down the hill and back to the
cabin, when his eye caught something shiny trapped under some rocks. Joe leaned
down and pulled the chain from where it had been trapped. Dangling on the end
of it was a charm but Joe couldn't make out what was on it because it was too
rusted and dirty. Joe held on to the necklace and continued down the hill and
then up the path back to the cabin.
"Mary?" Joe called when he entered the
cabin. There was no sign of her and Joe dropped the chain he had found on the
table and went looking around for her. He check all of the rooms and she wasn't
there. "Where is she?" Joe mumbled. Glancing out the side window, he
see her sitting on the swing hanging from the tree out back. Joe went out the
side door and came up behind her. "Want to talk about it?" he asked.
Mary turned and looked at him. Her tears were
falling silently and the pain was clear on her face. She shook her head,
"No, I mean what's there to talk about? He's gone and nothing can bring
him back." Mary wrapped her arms around herself and leaned forward, silent
sobs racking her body. Joe put his arms around her and held her until her
crying calmed down.
"It's okay, baby," he soothed. He rubbed
her back and pushed her hair behind her ear.
The whole place was filled with ghosts from her
past and she wasn't sure how to deal with them. Brian was dead and nothing
could bring him back. The pain was so unreal. When would the hurt go away?
"Come on, it looks like it's going to rain and
we need to get you inside." Joe took her hands and pulled her to her feet.
She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't even notice Joe leading her
inside. Jen and Nick were back and they noticed Joe and Mary and headed for
their room. They had decided to give them some privacy and get this figured
out.
Joe sat silently beside her studying her for a long
while. The rain had started coming down and the big picture windows made it
seem like they were right out there in it. Mary stared wordlessly out the
window but Joe could tell she wasn't seeing the rain. Her thoughts were
millions of miles away. He knew that this place would remind her of Brian but
he had hoped that time had healed the hurt but he knew now that he had been
wrong.
"Mary, talk to me," Joe told her.
"Please, don't shut me out." He held onto her hands and rubbed them
between the two of his. "Talk to me."
She blinked and one lone tear slid down her cheek.
"I can't," she answered, almost in a whisper.
"Why not, honey? I want to help you. I really
do but how can I if you won't talk to me?"
"It hurts too much, Joe. I'm sorry but I just
can't do this. I shouldn't have come here. It wasn't a good idea. Especially
with you. I'm disrespecting Brian and he'll be so upset with me.." Mary
continued to ramble on saying things that were jumbled and pointless but Joe
stopped listening once he had heard her say that about Brian. He turned her
chin so that she had to look at him.
"What do you mean that you are disrespecting
Brian and him being upset with you?"
"Brian was my best friend. He was the only guy
I ever came here with," Mary's eyes met Joe's, "until you."
"How is that a bad thing?" Joe wanted to
know.
Mary turned away from him again and shook her head.
Her eyes wondered around the room and settled on the picture of her and Brian
when they had been ten years old. It had been after they had won the boating
contest at the river and they had their trophies in their hands and the
excitement to their faces could have lit up the room. He eyes continued looking
at the different pictures until they settled on the table across the room.
Something caught her eye. It couldn't be, she thought. Mary jumped up and her
sudden movement startled Joe.
"What's wrong?" he jumped up and looked
at her.
Mary picked the chain up that Joe had found at the
river. Her eyes met Joe's, "Wh-where did you find this?"
"The river. It was on the hill under a
rock," Joe's confusion was clear.
"It's a sign," Mary said.
"A sign?" Joe was getting more confused
by the minute.
"He's telling me that I shouldn't have brought
you here," Mary announced.
Joe couldn't have been more hurt than if she would
have punched him in the stomach. He loved her and he knew she loved him but she
loved Brian's ghost more. How could he compete with a ghost?
Joe walked over to Mary and looked at her a long
time before saying anything. When he did speak he chose his words carefully.
"Mary, I can't keep trying to compete with Brian. I'll never win."
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"You have to let Brian go a little if we are
going to make it." Mary tried to interrupt but Joe kept going. "I
don't mean forget about him. I don't mean that at all but you have got to stop
trying to please a ghost. Dammit, this is tearing us apart. I've tried to be
understanding and not be hurt by all of this. I knew what I was getting into
from the start. You never hid anything but I didn't realize how hard it would
be to make your girlfriend love you more than she loves her dead best
friend."
Joe's words stung her. Maybe because in some ways
he was right but he could have worded it differently..something. She stared at
him for a long time without saying anything. The pain of his words hitting her
but she didn't know what to do. She loved Joe with all of her heart but she
also would always love Brian. There wasn't a question of that in her mind
either. "What do you want me to do? I can't help the way I feel. I know
that I'm unfair to you a lot of the time and I'm sorry but I don't know how to
fix it."
"Do you want me to help you? Are you ready to
let go yet?" Joe's blue eyes tried to read her but she was shutting her emotions
off from his view. He hated it when she got like that. She could turn her
emotions off in the blink of an eye. It scared him sometimes with how well she
could do that.
Mary thought about that, Joe helping her get over
Brian's ghost. "I wish Brian were here. He always knew what to do. What
would Brian want me to do?"
That did it for Joe. "Mary, stop using Brian
as an escape from having to feel anything on your own. That's what you are
doing! You have been using him as an excuse ever since he died! You were afraid
of disrespecting him by being with me but yet you use him to stop yourself from
having to live. How do you think he'd feel about that!?" Joe was
frustrated with her and he had a right to be but he wished he could have been a
bit nicer to her about it. Oh well, too late now, he thought.
Joe's screaming brought Jen and Nick back out into
the living room. "What's going on?" Jen asked. Her eyes passed over
an angry and confused looking Joe to a very emotionally high strung Mary. She
could tell that both looked ready to snap. It wasn't good. The tension in the
room was so thick. Jen exchanged looks with Nick and then turned to Mary.
"Come on, Mar," she pulled her friend into the kitchen.
"Okay what's going on?" Jen wanted to
know.
"He's mad at me," Mary simply said.
"Well, I kinda figured that out. Why?"
"Well, it's kinda..well.."
"Brian," Jen knew that Brian was a common
problem for her friend. Most guys got tired of trying to live up to the
standards he had left behind in Mary's eyes. Joe had been the first to try and
stick it out. Jen knew he loved her friend or he would have given up on her a
long time ago.
Mary nodded, tears in her eyes. "Jen, I know
I'm being so unfair to him. Why does he stay around? It has to be so hard
trying to put up with all of this."
"He loves you. But you are right, I have no
clue why he puts up with you. I wouldn't. Mary, you have to let Brian go.
Dammit he's dead and you have got to stop all this with him. It's not
healthy."
"Jen, I know but I can't. It's so hard to try
and do all of this on my own. He was always there for me. I was never alone
before he died. Brian was always there or not too far away. I'll never have
that again and it's so hard to accept that."
"You better learn how to accept it or you're
going to lose a great guy out there. Joe will try and help you with this but
even he's going to get tired of always being second to a ghost. Brian will not
fade in your heart if you give Joe a part of it. Doesn't Joe deserve at least
that much? You can't live your life in a bubble and expect to have a normal and
happy life. Even the most perfect things have a few scratches and blemishes. It
makes them balanced. Don't screw this up," Jen told her.
"What if I already have?" Mary slumped
into one of the chairs and laid her head on her arms on the table.
"No, you haven't yet but go out there and make
sure that he knows what's in your head. I know that this is going to take work
and time for you and I'm pretty sure Joe knows this but make sure he knows
you're trying. He deserves to know if you can let go of Brian and love him at
least half as much or if he's wasting his time." Jen never was one to
sugar coat things. As much as Mary hated what she was hearing, she had to admit
that Jen was right. She hated it when that happened.
"Okay, I'll talk to him." Mary stood up
and turned to go back to the living room and stopped. Could she do this? She
HAD to do it if she didn't want to lose Joe. She did love him. She loved him so
much and that's why this scared her so much. She was afraid that she loved him
more than she had ever loved Brian and that was something that scared the hell
out of her.
She entered the living room and didn't see Joe but
Nick was watching the game on television. "Where'd Joe go?" Nick
motioned down the hall and Mary headed for their room.
The door was shut and she stared at it a few
moments trying to get her scattered thoughts together. She knew that she had to
prove to him that she loved him, but how? Would mere words be able to express
the feelings that go through her just from a look from him in her direction?
Could she explain to him how those feelings scared her and made her go back to
when she had felt safest? Brian had always promised to keep her safe from the
world. He had promised her the moon and the stars. He had made her feel safe
and so his memory helped her deal with her feelings now with Joe. He scared
her. Or no he didn't but the things he made her feel did. Taking a deep breath,
Mary entered the room.
Joe's back was to her and she could tell from his
posture that he was still upset and a little angry.
"I'm sorry," she said softly.
Joe turned to look at her and she seen the tears in
his eyes that he had tried to blink back so that she wouldn't see. Joe's face
wasn't one that she could easily read. He was just as good as she was at hiding
his emotions when he wanted to. He obviously wanted to right now.
"Joe, I know that I can't keep doing this to
you. I know that it's only unfair to you and to me. I do love you. I love you
so much." She walked closer to him and put her arms around his waist. He
didn't move away from her and so she looked into his eyes a second before she
kissed him.
Joe didn't want to respond to her. He was still
upset and wasn't sure if she was playing mind games with him or what but like
always when she was near him, he couldn't help but tighten his arms around her
and kissed her back.
The kiss ended and although she tried to get him
caught up in another one, he had to find out what was going through her head
first. He had been hurt before and he'd be damned if it was going to happen
again. "So was that me or Brian you just kissed?" Joe asked her.
Joe's words stung at her. The tears that she
couldn't seem to control today, started flowing once again. She sat on the bed
and looked at him. "You. Joe, I know that I've been so unfair to you. I
know that Brian's dead and that I can't keep bring him between us. I don't do
it for the reasons that you think. I love you, Joe and that is something so new
to me. You're the first guy I've loved since Brian. That isn't what scares me
though." She looked up into his eyes, "I love you more than I ever
loved Brian and I hate myself for it." Her head fell and her gaze stayed
on her hands that were in her lap.
Joe dropped down in front of her and took her hands
in his. "Why?" he asked.
Mary took a deep breath, trying to figure that out
herself. "I guess because in some ways you remind me so much of him that
at times you could almost be him and so I feel like maybe I'm being unfair to
you. I don't want you to ever think I am trying to use you as a substitute to
Brian. Joe, Brian was my best friend. We never dated. He only kissed me once
and that was because I was sweet sixteen and never been kissed." Mary
smiled at her memory.
Joe's eyes smiled into hers. He didn't want her to
have to hide her memories of Brian. He just wanted her to be able to remember
the good times of the past and not forsake the future because of them.
"I'm in love with you Joe not Brian. I use to
think that I had been in love with Brian and hated myself for never telling him
but it was nothing like what I feel with I'm with you."
Joe looked at her for a minute before leaning up
and kissing her gently. His eyes met hers and she wrapped her arms around his
shoulders pulling him closer and kissing him deeply. Joe pulled her close and
hugged her after the kiss ended.
"Come on, we came here to enjoy this place and
so let's go check out the river. I hear there's an incredible waterfall,"
Mary smiled. She pulled Joe out of the room and went to get Jen and Nick. She
was going to face this and she was going to let Brian's ghost go. The memories
would always be there when she needed them but right now she had Joe and he
needed her more than her memories did.
The End
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