Which One Of Them?

By:  Lara

The girl at the bar, she bought me a beer, and she’d like to know if I’m new around here…

                “You going out after, AJ?”  Howie asked as he toweled off his face.  “I’m gonna hit the club upstairs in the hotel, and Kev might tag along.”

“Nah…” AJ said, staring out the window of the limo as they went back to the hotel. “Not the hotel bar.  I might actually try something different.  This IS Baltimore…gotta be some good clubs SOMEWHERE.”

“What about you, Rok?”  Howie asked.  “Coming along?”

“Sure…Leigh’s probably in bed by now anyway,” Brian said with a shrug.  “Frack?”

“Um…maybe I’ll come up later.”  Nick glanced at his watch.  “I’m…um…busy for a while.”

Howie and Brian hooted.  “Another Internet date with your honey?”  Howie asked.

“Tell me, Nick, how good IS cybersex, really?” Kevin asked with a teasing smile.

“Well, Kev, it’s better than no sex at all, which is the kind of sex YOU’RE getting at the moment,” Nick said with a smirk.  Kevin popped him the finger but smiled as he did it.  Brian and Howie laughed and continued to tease Nick.

AJ kept staring out the window.  He couldn’t bear to look at Nick…see the happy smile in his eyes.  He loved his little Backstreet brother, but at that specific moment he wanted to knock his lights out.

 

“Sure you’re not coming up?”  Howie asked AJ as they reached their secure floor.

“Maybe later.  I dunno.  Later, guys.”  AJ went into his suite, slamming the door behind him.  The other four looked at each other.

Nick took a deep breath.  “I’m sorry, guys.  This is all my fault.”

“No, it’s not, Nick. He will just have to learn to deal with it,” Brian told him.  “Tell Lara we say hi.”

 

AJ pulled his black cowboy hat low over his eyes as he quickly walked down the busy city street.  He looked at the peepshow bars as he went by them, tapped his fingers in time to the music floating out of the strip clubs, but that wasn’t what he was looking for that night.  He pulled his leather jacket a bit tighter around him…the air was cool but not cold.

He stopped in front of a bar called The Ball and Chain.  The name would have scared away a lesser person, but AJ was always up for a challenge. He was disappointed when he went inside.  The name was not a description of the interior.  It was just another meatmarket bar, but it was a crowded meatmarket bar. Just what he wanted.  He slid onto an empty barstool at the end of the bar and ordered a shot of Jack Daniels and a bottle of beer. 

AJ observed the small dance floor from under the brim of his hat.  It was packed with people, mostly young college-age women.  The men seemed content to sit back and watch.  That’s what he liked too…sitting and watching the drunk people making asses of themselves.

“Hey, Cowboy,” a young woman said.  “This seat taken?” She motioned to the stool next to him.

“No…not til now,” he said with a small smile.

The woman ordered a beer.  “I’m Erin.”

“Alex,” he said, smiling again.  He didn’t feel like conversation, but he had to be polite.

“You new around here?”  Her green eyes were curious as they tried to see his face.  The dark ambiance of the room helped to hide his features.

“You could say that…just passing through.”  AJ downed the shot.

“I see.  If I were you, I’d pass through here, too,” Erin said with a grin. 

“It seems nice enough around here,” AJ said.

“That’s because you’re just passing through,” she said with a laugh.  He laughed as well.  “Tell me, Alex, is there a cowgirl at home waiting for you?”

AJ’s dark eyes grew stormy.  “That’s really none of your business,” he told her.

“Jeez, excuse the fuck out of me,” she snapped. She grabbed her beer and stalked off to the other end of the bar.

AJ sighed.  This wasn’t helping.  He was getting nowhere.  If he wanted to forget, wouldn’t it help to have someone HELPING him forget?  He scanned the crowd.  A pair of cute blondes in the corner tipped their bottles in his direction.  Hmm.  Two girls.  It had been a while, but he might be able to pull it off.  He gulped down his beer and turned to the bartender.  “Another beer for me, and whatever those two over there are having, I want them to have another one.”  He tipped up his hat, gave them the charming McLean grin, and waited.  They giggled and smiled back.  All his.  He paid the bartender and sauntered over.  “Good evening, ladies.”

 

The gal that I danced with said she’s all alone…her friends have all left and she needs a ride home…

 

“What’s your name again?”  AJ asked as he grooved closer to the girl he was dancing with.

“Alex,” she answered over the loud music. 

“Oh, yeah, right…duh…same as mine!”  He shouted, and they both laughed.  He put his hands on her ass and pulled her closer.  He inhaled her perfume.  Not quite his favorite but not too bad.  Things hadn’t worked out with the blond Twosome; it just hadn’t clicked and he paid for the beers and said goodbye.  Alex the Girl had been eyeing him up for the last hour, and after four more beers he finally felt the urge to walk over and say hello.

“So, Alex…” she began.

“No…I’m Alex the BOY.  You’re Alex the GIRL,” he informed her solemnly. He leaned in close to inhale her shampoo.  Roses.  Yuck.  He hated rose-scented things.

Alex the Girl giggled.  “Okay, sorry.  So, Alex the Boy, my friends all bailed on me.  They said this place was lame and they wanted to run.  I stayed…to talk to you…and I have no way home.”  Alex the Girl’s lower lip came out in a cute pout.  “Can you help me?”

AJ stumbled over her feet and they barely caught each other.  “I’d love to, babydoll,” he told her, and she squealed.  “BUT…I’m just in town for tonight.  I don’t have a car.”

The pout intensified.  “I know!”  She said triumphantly.  “I’ll just go back to your room with you.”

“Okay,” Alex the Boy shrugged, putting an arm around her.  She tipped her head forward, giving him a strong whiff of her shampoo. Wrong.  All wrong.  Warning signs in AJ’s head glowed bright red.  “Hold on,” he said.  He helped her out the door and flagged down a cab.  “Here you go.”  He handed the driver a fifty.  “Anywhere she needs to go and keep the change.”

“Yes SIR!”  The driver said excitedly.

“Alex, I thought…”

“Have a safe night, Alex…nice to meet you,” he said, quickly helping her into the taxi and slamming the door after her.  He watched the taillights fade into the distance before starting the walk back to the hotel.  He sighed as he kicked a rock off the sidewalk. 

 

And there have been others that gave me the eye, but if they only knew they were wasting their time/There’s only one love I can give my heart to, but you didn’t want it and you broke it in two…

 

 

“Shit…shit fuck shit!”  AJ screamed, then remembered it was almost three in the morning.  His keys were IN the hotel room on the nightstand in the bedroom.  Life sucked royally.

He looked at the other doors, wondering who would be the least pissed if he knocked.  Nick wasn’t even an option.  Brian might not be too mad.  Kevin and Howie would put his scrawny ass on a platter if he…

“Aje?”  Nick rubbed his eyes sleepily as he opened the door to his suite.  “You okay?”

“Fine,” he snapped, the multiple beers and hard liquor making him vocal.  “Go back to bed, Nick.”

“Forget your key?”

“Yes, Mr. Brilliant,” AJ said with a sigh.

“Come on in.  Crash here.”

“Nick, I don’t…”

“AJ, it’s three in the fucking morning.  I refuse to stand here and argue with you and if you try to go down for a spare you’ll either get raped or thrown out by management,” Nick said angrily.  Now get your little butt in here and crash on the sofa, dammit!”

“Fine,” AJ said, practically stomping into the suite.  Nick had it practically wrecked, as usual.  AJ shoved some comic books and drawing pads from the sofa and collapsed.  “Dammit!”  AJ yelled, pulling a pencil out from the cushions.

“Look, AJ…tomorrow morning…I think we should talk.  It’s been three months now and you…”

“I don’t want to talk, Nick. I want to sleep.  Thanks for the sofa.  See ya tomorrow…or today, for that matter.”  AJ tossed his cowboy hat on the coffee table and closed his eyes.  Nick sighed and went into the bedroom.

He soon returned with a pillow and blanket.  He tossed the pillow onto AJ’s face, and he shoved it under his head.  The blanket was draped across AJ’s small frame before he could protest.  “Love you, man,” Nick said.  “Never thought something like a woman could come between us…even if she is amazing.”  He went to the bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

 

AJ woke up around eleven the next morning, sniffing appreciatively at the scent of brewing coffee.  Nick liked coffee as much as they all did, and it was one of the first things he had learned to do in a kitchen: make coffee.  AJ snuggled under the blanket, enjoying the first waking up feeling.  He shivered as he listened to Nick talk on the phone, then shivered again as he realized who was on the other end.

“Yes, baby…three more days.  Yes, I’ll be home.”  Nick was trying to keep his voice down.  “I know…Aje is sleeping on the sofa.  I want him to sleep.  No…I’m making coffee.  I can’t go in the other room.  No…it’s better…we spoke three sentences to each other without a fight earlier this morning.  No…I don’t…he’s asleep, baby…and I don’t…”

“I’m awake, Junior,” AJ said from the sofa.  Nick froze. 

“Hold on, baby.”  He pushed mute.  “AJ, it’s um…”

“I know who it is,” AJ said.  “I’m not stupid.”

“She…uh…she wants to talk to you.”  Nick looked at AJ uncertainly.

AJ stared at him, then held out his hand.  Nick carried the cordless phone to him, then went into the bedroom, closing the door after him.  “Hello?”

“Hi, Alex,” a female voice said softly.

AJ couldn’t help sighing.  There she was.  He hadn’t heard her voice in weeks and it still struck a chord in his heart.  “Hello, Lara.”

“How are you?”

“Hungover.”

Her laughter was music.  “It’s a Sunday morning…that’s a given.” 

“I guess so.”  AJ couldn’t help but smile back.  “How are you?”

“Good. Book sales are up…I may actually have to do a promotional tour.”

“Really?  Wow…that’s fantastic!”  AJ stretched and curled back up under the covers.  If he held the pillow close, it almost felt as cuddly as she was.

“Yes…I’m scared, though.  I don’t know how you guys do it.”

“Practice, Baby Doll, practice.”  His pet name for her fell off of his tongue.  He didn’t notice.  She did.

“So…um…Nick tells me you guys are back home on Friday.”

“Yeah,” AJ said.  “First time since…in three months.”

“We’ll have to get together,” Lara said, her voice trembling.

“That would be fantastic, Lara.  I know this great little Italian place on Palmdale.  The sauce is unbelievable…not too spicy…just how you like it, and…”

“I meant everyone, Alex,” Lara said gently, and he closed his eyes.  “I’m with Nick now.”

“I know that, you don’t think I know that?”  AJ snapped.  “Jeez, I’m not dumb.  I know you’re with him now…still don’t know why…”

“Maybe because he treats me like a queen,” Lara said, her voice colder then she meant it to be.

“Well, you always were my princess.  Later, baby doll.”  He tossed the phone on the floor.  “NICK!”  AJ screamed.  “Come talk to your woman.  I’m outta here.”  He left the suite, slamming the door behind him.

 

“Hi, Melissa.”  Lara gave Brian’s girlfriend a hug.  “It’s great to see you again.”

“I don’t see HOW you threw this thing together,” Melissa said, looking around Nick’s pool area in amazement.

“Yeah, well, I was so happy to see him that when he said, I want a party, I said, let me do it!”  Lara said with a laugh.  “I am beginning to regret it, though.”

“Who’s all here?”

“Most of Nick’s family, some of his friends…um…over there is Howie and Kevin…um…” Lara’s blue eyes searched the crowd.  “There’s Nick,” she said, not able to help the grin that covered her face.  Melissa rolled her eyes.

“Hey,” Brian said, giving Lara a smacking kiss on her cheek.  “You moving in here yet or what?”

“Well…it’s only been three months,” she said softly.  “I’m not quite ready for that yet.”

“Cool.  I’m hungry.  Lead me to the food, ‘Liss,” Brian said, taking Melissa by the hand and leading HER to the buffet table.

“Hey, baby.”  Nick came up behind Lara and kissed her neck.  “You doing okay?”

“You bet.  Having fun?”

“Yes.”  Nick took a swig of his beer and looked around.  “Can you believe how tall Aaron is getting!  He’s growing like a weed.”

“He’ll be a hottie someday…just like his brother,” Lara said loyally, kissing Nick’s full red lips.  He moaned.

“Keep that up and I’m stealing my hostess away for a quickie,” Nick murmured, pressing his body against hers and grinding slightly.  Lara giggled and pulled back.

“I’m gonna get more ice.  Go mingle.”  He gave her a passionate kiss before letting her pull away.

 

AJ sat in Nick’s driveway for a long time.  He owed it to his friend to show up at his picnic.  It was only fair.  He DID love Nick, Nick was like a brother to him.  It was just so damn hard seeing him with her.  The one that HE loved.  The one that HE had seen first.  The one that HE had introduced everyone too.  AJ watched people pour into the large house, saw Howie arrive, then Kevin, then Melissa and Brian.  He hid in his car, slunk low behind the seat.  He finally gathered his courage and got out.  He was AJ McLean, dammit.  People expected him to be the life of the party…not the coward sitting in his car in the driveway.

AJ made his way through the hallway of the house he knew as well as his own.  People greeted him and he pasted on his best smile.  As he walked out onto the deck, he saw Nick and Lara in a corner of the yard.  Nick kissed her and made her giggle, then she finally pulled away and headed for the kitchen.  AJ waited until Nick was deep in a conversation with Aaron before slowly making his way to the kitchen.

Lara was at the kitchen counter, pounding apart a bag of ice.  “Need any help?”  AJ asked softly.  Lara froze at the sound of his voice, then slowly turned around.

“Hello, Alex,” she said.

“You know, you are the only person who gets away with calling me that besides my mom,” he said with a lopsided grin.  He approached her slowly and she took a step back.  “Are you afraid of me, Lara?”

“No, Alex, of course not.”  Lara said with a warm smile.  “Just nervous.  This is odd.”

“It is.  It’s been a long time since we’ve been face to face.”  AJ stopped walking.  “Could I…would you mind…could I give you a hug?”

Lara stared at him.  This wasn’t the confident brash AJ McLean that everyone knew.  “Of course,” she said softly.  He came over and enveloped her in his arms.  She felt how lean he was…he had lost weight.  “Are you okay, Alex?”

“Fine,” he said with a sigh, burying his face in her hair.  He inhaled the deep scent of apples.  Lara loved apples and hated roses when it came to scented things.  Therefore he loved apples and hated roses.

“Lara, do you need help with…” Nick froze as he entered the kitchen.  Lara quickly pulled back.

“No…I think everything is under control,” she said in a shaking voice.  Nick looked from Lara to AJ and back again.

“You sure?”

“She said yes, Junior.  Don’t you think she can handle herself?”  AJ said, hopping up on the kitchen table and swinging his legs.

“It’s not herself I’m worried about her handling,” Nick almost growled.

“Here, honey, take this…” Lara handed him the bag of ice.  “I’ll be out in a second, okay?”

“Fine.”  Nick took the bag and disappeared.  Lara glared at AJ.

“Alex, don’t tease him, please.  He’s barely able to handle you as it is right now.”

“HE’S barely able…puhleeze,” AJ scoffed. 

“Alex, you know how hard this has been…for all of us.  I still care about you, and it kills me knowing that I am in the middle of your friendship.”

“You could remedy that,” AJ said, hopping back down.  He took her hand in his.  “Lara, I love you.  So much.  So much more than Nick ever could.  We could take things slow, take some time…”

“No, Alex.”  Lara held a hand up, tears in her eyes.  She took him by the hand and led him to a room further away from the crowd of people.  “Alex, I care about you…but not like that.  We weren’t meant to be.  Nick and I…we just fit.  I know it’s probably wrong of me to break up with you and start a relationship with a good friend…but we couldn’t help it.”

“Were you seeing him behind my back?” AJ asked in a lifeless tone. The question had been bothering him for the months since their breakup.

“No!”  Lara gasped.  “Not once.  I didn’t even talk to him on the phone.  I just knew something wasn’t right between us…and then we started talking after you and I were finished, and things just progressed from there.”

“He’s a child,” AJ said, taking both of her hands in his.  “I could be so much more for you.”

“Alex, he’s only one year younger than you!”  Lara reminded him.  “And he IS more for me than you could ever be!”  Lara said, then blushed.  She hadn’t meant to go that far.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“He’s there when I need him.  He’s not always looking to be the life of the party.  He’s not looking for me to make him look good.”

“That’s what you thought?”  AJ asked, though in his heart he knew there was truth to her words.

“It’s what I know,” Lara said gently.  “Alex, we need to talk some more…but it can’t be now.  I…”

“No sweat, okay?”  AJ was back in Cocky AJ mode.  “No sweat at all.  I’m over you anyway.  I just needed to see if YOU wanted ME back.  No sweat at all.”

“Alex…”

“No…don’t worry about me.  I’m cool.”  He went out the door and back to the deck.  He grabbed two beers from the cooler and opened them as he surveyed the crowd.  He noticed Lara out of the corner of his eye. She had walked out onto the deck from another door and Nick immediately was by her side.  From the look on his face, Nick was angry.  AJ couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face.  If he was so fucking wonderful, he wouldn’t be angry…must be jealous.  That thought made the smile broader.  He walked over to a girl in the corner of the pool area.  “Need a beer?”

“Um…yes…” the girl said, blushing slightly.  “Thank you.”

“No problem.”  He handed her the beer.  “I’m AJ.”

“I know,” she said shyly.  “I’m Shelley.”

“So, Shelley…friend of Nick or Lara?”  AJ said, leading her to a small bench in a far corner of the yard.

 

So tell me which one of them will be you tonight?  Which one will hold me in your arms so tight?  I’ve forgotten what’s wrong, given up on what’s right…tell me which one of them will be you tonight?

 

 

So I’ll just smile and pretend and she’ll never know/What she’s up against when she’s holding me close/You’re all that I want, you’re all that I need/And when I close my eyes, honey, you’re all that I see…

 

 

“Hey, Nick…Lara…” Kevin called out, waving his hand in the air.  Lara and Nick pushed through the crowded dance club in the general direction of Kevin’s long arm.  He was standing in the doorway of the private room in the back.  “Glad y’all could make it!”

“Well, I had to practically DRAG her here,” Nick began.  Lara shoved him.

“Liar…he couldn’t find his favorite shirt so that’s why we’re late.  Any reason you wanted us to get together?”

“Nah…we just haven’t all gone out in a while, that’s all,” Kevin said with a smile, bending down to kiss her cheek.  He noticed her blue eyes darting through the dark room.  “Nope.  He’s not here.  Don’t know if he’ll even show up.”  Lara sighed, embarrassed at being so transparent.  Nick’s face turned dark.

“Hope he doesn’t.  Can’t believe the way he was treating you at our picnic.”

“Nick, can you blame him?”  Lara said, frustrated.  “You’re his best friend, or one of them, anyway, and now you’re with the girl who used to be his.  I guess he has every right to hate us.”

“He hates me.  Not you.  Oh no.  Could NEVER hate you,” Nick snapped, then wandered off to the bar.  Lara’s eyes followed him miserably.

“You okay?” Kevin asked gently, and she almost melted from the kindness in his voice.

“I’m so sorry, Kevin.  We never meant for this to happen,” she insisted.  “I never thought it would happen like this.  Nick just…I don’t know…he treats me in a way AJ never could.  Or never did, at least…and I couldn’t wait anymore for him to start.”

Kevin spoke slowly, searching for the right words.  “AJ has a big heart, but he has a problem showing it when it’s necessary.  It’s obvious, now, that he really cared for you…but he couldn’t show you at the time, right?”

Lara nodded.  “And now he feels the need to flaunt the fact that he can bag any girl he wants.  But behavior like that isn’t gonna bring me back.  Actually, nothing will.  The relationship I have with Nick is nothing like I could ever have had with Alex. He’s wonderful, sexy, charming, sweet…but Nick seems to know my heart instantly.”

Kevin smiled.  “We don’t blame you, just so you know that.  Me and Brian and Howie know how hard it was for you to break it off with Aje, and we also know that it wasn’t easy for you and Nick to admit your relationship, knowing how AJ would take it.”  His green eyes searched out into the crowd and he frowned. “Oh, hell.”

“What is it…oh God.”  Lara actually shivered as she saw AJ approaching him.  He brought with him a girl about her height with the same shade of dark brown hair, same LENGTH of dark brown hair, and about the same build. As they approached, Lara saw the girl had blue eyes, as she did, and she was also wearing blue.  Lara’s favorite color.

“Hey, all!”  AJ said a little too loudly.  Lara could already smell the alcohol on his breath.  “This is…um…”

“Monica,” the girl offered cheerfully.

“Yeah…Monica.  Isn’t she cute?”  AJ gave her a smacking kiss on the cheek. “We just met at a bar down the street.  Thought she could come along here.  You mind?”

“Of course not,” Lara said, though the question had been directed at Kevin.

“We’re gonna dance. Later.”  AJ dragged the girl back towards the dance floor.

“Bye!”  Monica shouted over her shoulder.

“That wasn’t just a coincidence, right?  I wasn’t seeing things?”  Lara asked Kevin in a quiet voice.  He shook his head.

“No…I saw it too.  I think one of us should talk to him about this.  It’s getting to be over the line now,” Kevin said with a scowl.  “He needs to grow the hell up.”

“I broke his heart, Kevin.  It’s not easy to get over.”  Lara was miserable.  “I’ll talk to him.  Somehow I'll get over to his place without Nick freaking and I’ll talk to him.”

“Without Nick freaking about what?”  Nick said, handing her a wine cooler.

“Without freaking about the fact that I don’t feel like dancing right now,” Lara said quickly.  “Can we just sit?”

“Of course.  Let’s go talk to Bri.”  Nick took her hand and led her to a table in the corner of the room.

 

AJ was dancing as close to Monica as possible without being inside her skin.  His dark eyes kept darting to the doorway of the back room.  Lara and Kevin stood there and talked for a while, then Lara disappeared into the room.  “Shit,” he muttered.  How could he make her jealous if she wasn’t watching?

“What?”  Monica asked.

“Nothing, baby.  Nothing.”  He placed his hands on her backside and pulled her close.  She giggled.

“My place isn’t far away,” she suggested under the booming music.  AJ considered this for a moment.

“Let’s plow.”  He led her from the club without saying goodbye to his friends.

 

“Oh…God…Alex…yes…” Monica gasped as AJ’s lips circled her nipple.  He froze.

“Don’t call me that.”

“What?”

“Alex…don’t call me that,” he ordered.

“Um…okay…” Monica said, confused.  He bent his head back to his task.  He could close his eyes and pretend she was Lara, but hearing her call him Alex in a voice that wasn’t Lara’s was not something he could handle.

After they had spent themselves, AJ lay in bed for about ten minutes before getting up to dress.  “Where are you going?”  Monica asked.

“It’s two in the morning.  I’m going home to bed.”

“Home?  But I thought…”

“You thought wrong.  I sleep at home when I’m in town. Sorry.”  AJ hated the brusqueness of his voice, but he was angry at himself for doing this, and he felt guilty for the hurt look in her eyes.

“You’re a bastard!”  Monica snapped.  “I can’t believe I was so stupid.  First you use me to make your girl jealous, and now you use me to get your rocks off.”

“She’s not MY girl,” AJ said, pulling his shoes on.

“But she used to be, right?  It’s so fucking obvious.  You want her back and you’re acting like a child trying to make her jealous.”

“You need to shut your fucking mouth, bitch!”  AJ roared.  She was hitting too close to home and he didn’t want to hear it.

“Get out!  Get the fuck out of my house!”  Monica screamed, throwing a pair of high-heeled shoes at him.  AJ walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.  He wanted a drink…wanted desperately to get drunk…wanted desperately to find someone else to replace her…problem was, the more he drank and the more he tried, the more he seemed to make himself feel worse.

 

“Go away,” AJ muttered as he padded to the door. He had virtually holed himself up in his house for three days, ignoring phone calls and emails.  He listened to the messages, read the emails, but he didn’t feel like talking to anyone.  This was the first time someone had actually made a personal appearance, and he was curious.  When he saw Lara through his peephole, his eyes about fell out of his head.  “Holy shit!”  AJ considered scurrying around and cleaning up, but then he decided he really didn’t care.  He slowly opened the door.  “What do you want?”  He asked wearily.

“We need to talk, Alex,” she said softly.  Her blue eyes were sad.  “Can I come in?”

“Of course.  Why not.”  AJ moved aside and let her in.  He looked down at himself and sighed in dismay.  He wore his oldest sweats and a ratty old tshirt.  He hadn’t showered in two days and he knew he was a nightmare to behold.

“Look…Alex…why don’t you go up and shower while I tidy up around here.  I know how you are about cleaning, and it looks like the maid’s month off,” Lara said with a smile.

“As usual, you read my mind,” he replied.  “I’ll be right down.”  He tore up the steps as she started picking up newspapers and dirty dishes. 

AJ came downstairs about twenty minutes later in a pair of low-slung jeans and a black wifebeater.  Lara had the living room and family room cleaned up, and was doing dishes in the kitchen.  She looked at him and smiled.  “MUCH better,” she told him. “Excuse my language, but you looked like shit, Alex.”

“Language excused, but only because you’re right.”  AJ sat down at the counter.  “Need help?”

“No…almost done.”  Lara rinsed off the last few dishes and dried her hands.  “Can we go into the living room?”

“Sure.  I’m gonna have a drink.  Want one?”

“AJ, it’s barely after noon.”

“So?”  AJ went to his huge bar and poured himself a drink.

“Jim Beam,” Lara said with a sigh.

“Coke?”

“No, thank you.”  She’d need all the help she could get with this conversation.  AJ stared at her, but poured some of the liquid into a glass and handed it to her.  They went out to the living room.  Lara sat at one end of the long sofa, and AJ plopped down at the other end. 

Lara studied the ice in her glass, trying to figure out how to start.  “Well?”  AJ said, looking at her almost hopefully.  “What did you want to talk to me about?”

“Us, Alex,” she began, and his dark eyes sparkled.

“Really?”

“Not the way you think,” she added hurriedly.  “I love you, Alex.  I always will.  You were right, you did treat me like a princess.  I had anything I could ever want…except your heart.”

“What?”  AJ was dumbfounded.

“Alex, you were sweet to me, loving and kind, but you never really opened up to me.  You never gave me that special part of yourself that makes you Alex McLean.  I was someone that you bought trendy expensive clothes for and carried around on your arm.”  Lara studied her ice once more.  “I also know that you were hunting for a piece on the side.”

“Hunting for…” AJ trailed off.  It was true, partially.  One night he had been out at a club, got drunk, and began making out with a girl in the corner.  It had gone no further than that, however…Kevin had grabbed his ass and sent him home.  “I wasn’t hunting for anyone, Lara, I swear.  It was just one time.  One mistake.  One accident.  Nothing really even happened,” he said earnestly.

“Okay, Alex.  I believe you,” she conceded with a sigh.  “But that’s not really the point.  You never made me feel needed or useful.  You have given me more time and attention over the last few weeks then you did all the months we were together.”

“I can make it up to you.”  AJ set down his glass and moved closer to her.  “I can do better.  I know now what I was missing…I was so stupid to even let you break up with me.”

Lara jumped to her feet.  “You had no choice, Alex.  I made the decision that I wanted more, so I got out before it got ugly.”

“It did get ugly, Lara, remember?”  AJ was on his feet in an instant.  “You dumped me, then four weeks later you’re fucking my friend.  Sweet of you.”

Lara looked hurt.  “It wasn’t like that, Alex.  We didn’t get together that quickly.  Fucking came much later, if you must know.”  She glared at him, hands on her hips.  “Alex, Nick is able to share himself with me one hundred percent.  You don’t think it kills me, knowing I broke your heart, knowing I could have even broken up the Backstreet Boys?  I never wanted to hurt you, Alex.  I never wanted this to happen.  But Nick and I…we fit, okay?  We make sense.  You and I no longer made any kind of sense.”  She downed her drink in one gulp.  “I came over here to ask you to grow the fuck up.  I’m sick of it. Kevin’s sick of it.  Nick’s sick of it.  If you want to maintain any kind of relationship with Nick, let me go.  Let me go to HIM.”

“It’s not that easy, dammit!” AJ’s glass flew out of his hand, shattering on the wall near Lara’s head.  She blinked but didn’t move.  “Holy fuck…Lara…I’m sorry…I didn’t mean…”

“I know you didn’t, Alex, but this is exactly what I mean.  You need to learn to control your emotions…especially when it comes to me,” she finished softly.  “You can do better than me, Alex.  You can and you will.  Let it go.”  Tears brimmed in her blue eyes.  “Let it go,” she repeated. 

AJ walked over and took her in his arms.  She stiffened but soon allowed him to gently rock her.  “I’m sorry.  Baby, please don’t cry.  I’m sorry…I just…dammit, I miss you so much.”

“I miss you, too, Alex,” Lara said, her voice muffled against his shoulder.  “I miss hanging with you, laughing, joking…no one can make me smile like you can, Alex.  No one.  I miss my buddy.”

“But I don’t think…” AJ swallowed deeply.  “I don’t think I can be that buddy.  Every woman I look at, I see you.  I pretend they’re you…fantasize they’re you.”

Lara pulled back, her eyes huge.  “Don’t do that, Alex.  Don’t use them like that.  Move on…stay single for a while…get your rocks off if you have to but keep it simple and uncomplicated.”

AJ chuckled at her brash words. “You shouldn’t drink on an empty stomach, Lara.  You get mouthy.”

“Fuck you,” she said, then smiled to show she was teasing.  AJ cupped her face in his hands.

“I will ALWAYS love you, Lara.  No matter who else I’m with.”

“I’ll always love you, too, Alex, but it’s Nick I’m IN love with,” she told him solemnly.  He sighed, then nodded. 

They both jumped as the front door opened.  Nick burst in, his face red from running up the sidewalk. His skin turned white as he saw Lara in AJ’s arms.  They drew apart.  “What…”

“Nothing, Junior,” AJ said, regretfully letting Lara go.  “Your woman was just telling me how she’s so in love with you and how wonderful you are.  I’m surprised you could fit in the door with an ego this big.”

“I’ve been paging you for two hours and you didn’t call back…then I went over to Kevin’s to look for you and he told me you might be here…and I got worried.”  Nick glared at Lara, though his anger was subsiding.

“Oh!  I’m sorry…my batteries are low,” Lara said, blushing.  “I drove around for a good hour getting up the nerve to come here.”

“Really?” AJ asked.  She nodded.  “I’m sorry.”  He took a deep breath and looked at them both.  “I am miserable.  I miss you dreadfully, Lara, and I hate seeing you two together. However…this is how it’s gonna be and I need to deal with it.  I was doing better while we were on the road, cuz I hardly saw Nick except for in rehearsal and performing…but being here was a lot harder.  We have some weeks off and I’m gonna go away for a bit…vacation alone…and work things out for myself, okay?”

“Are you sure, Alex?  Maybe being alone isn’t good for you right now,” Lara began.

“No.  Being alone is EXACTLY what I need right now,” AJ told her.  “I love both you guys, and I don’t want to lose you altogether.”

“Oh, Alex,” Lara said, throwing herself into his arms.  AJ hugged her briefly, inhaled her shampoo, then pulled back.

“I’m really sorry, Aje.  We never meant…we didn’t…” Nick stammered.  AJ held up a hand. 

“It’s okay, Nick.  I’d rather not talk about it anymore, if you don’t mind.” 

Nick nodded, and shook the hand that AJ held out.  “Come on, Lara.  Let’s roll.”

“Call if you need me, okay?  For anything,” Lara told AJ. He nodded and walked them to the door.  She turned and kissed his cheek.  “Love you,” she whispered in his ear.  He nodded again, watching from the doorway as they walked to their cars.

 

Three weeks later

 

 

“You’re sure he won’t mind?  I mean, this IS like a private party.”

“Kelley, you need to shut the fuck up,” Lara said with a sigh as Nick helped her out of the backseat of his car.  “Alex LOVES people, loves parties, loves having a good time.  He’s throwing this thing to show how much he missed everyone while he was in Aruba…and he probably won’t even notice you’re here.”

“Oh, great,” Kelley mumbled.

Nick rolled his eyes.  “I swear to God, I’ve only known you about ten days and already you’re as annoying as she is.  You are not ignorable, if that’s what you mean, Kelley.”

“Ignorable?  Is that a word?”  Kelley teased.

“In Carterese it is…c’mon, Kel.”  Lara linked her arm through her friend’s and they went up to the front door of AJ’s house.

Nick couldn’t help but smile as he grabbed the bag with their swimming suits in it and followed them up the walk.  They had been practically inseparable since Kelley’s arrival ten days earlier, and he knew it was helping Lara to have Kelley along as she faced AJ again.  Kelley knew the whole story, though she had never met AJ while he and Lara were dating.  Lara opened the door and headed for the back deck.

“Oh, shit…forgot my sunglasses in the car,” Kelley said, snapping her fingers.  Nick dangled the car keys high above her 5’3” frame.  “Ha ha, Ken Doll…gimme.”

“Your friend is picking on me,” Nick said to Lara, pouting.

“Give her the keys, Ken,” Lara ordered.  Nick dropped them into Kelley’s hand with a sigh and went ahead to the deck, muttering something about one woman being bad and two being deadly.  “I’ll meet you out back,” Lara told Kelley, following Nick.

 

AJ nervously rubbed his hands together as he watched the door from the house to the backyard.  He was attempting to have a conversation with Howie, but his dark eyes kept searching for Lara and Nick.  He really hoped they would come.  They were the first people he had called and invited to his impromptu picnic.  His face lit up when he saw them appear in the doorway.  “Oh, no…Bone…behave…” Howie said worriedly.

“Nah, D, don’t worry.  I’m cool.”  AJ rushed over and swept Lara into a hug before she knew what had hit her.  He swung her around.  “Baby, you look DELICIOUS!”  He kissed her cheek then hugged Nick. “Hey, man.”

“Hey, AJ,” Nick said, his eyes meeting Lara’s over AJ’s head.  “We missed you.”

“I missed you guys, too.”  He looked at them both and smiled.  “Everything’s better.  Not perfect, but better.  I did a lot of thinking, and realized that if I love you both the way I believe I do, all I want is for you to be happy.  We had fun, Lara, but we’re not what you and Nick are.”

Tears sprang to Lara’s eyes.  “Thanks, Alex.”

“Lemme get you a drink.  A cooler and a beer.  Be right back.”  AJ dashed into the house, leaving the couple staring after him open-mouthed.

AJ grabbed two bottles from the cooler in the kitchen, and headed back to the deck, opening the bottles as he walked.  Someone slammed into him as he turned the corner, and the bottle of beer went crashing to the floor.  “Dammit!” He swore.

“Oh, are you okay?  I’m sorry…I didn’t know where I was going and…”

“Then what the FUCK are you doing in my house?”  AJ snapped before he thought.

“Well, unfuck you then, asshole.  They said you were nice.  Guess they meant some OTHER Alex McLean.” 

Before AJ could say another word to the stranger in front of him, she sauntered off to the deck, giving him a nice view of short red hair, a cute behind, and a dark green shorts set.  He wanted to run after her, but he knew that for the sake of his guests he needed to clean up the broken glass.

“Kelley, did you pee yourself while in the car?”  Nick asked as Kelley approached them.  “You’re soaking wet.”

“Do you keep him on a leash when you’re away from the zoo?”  Kelley asked Lara, purposely ignoring his comment.  “No, I ran into your little tattooed freaky friend, who was carrying a bottle of beer which he promptly spilled on me.”

“My beer!”  Nick moaned, hurrying off to an outside cooler in search of another one.

“I’m sorry.  Do you need to change?”

“Nah…I’ll be putting on my suit soon anyway.”  Kelley’s green eyes narrowed as AJ appeared outside.

“Alex, get your scrawny ass over here, please!”  Lara shouted.  He sighed and slowly walked over.  “What gives you the right to be a bitch to my friend here?”

“YOUR friend?  I didn’t know…she was just walking around in my house…guess it freaked me out.”  He turned to Kelley and held out his hand.  “Alexander James McLean, resident dumbass.”

Kelley couldn’t help but laugh.  “Kelley Leffler.  Please to meet you.  Should I call you Mr. Dumbass, or just Dumb for short?”

It was AJ’s turn to laugh.  “Just AJ will do, if you don’t mind.  If I promise not to drop it, can I get you a drink?”

“Sure…beer…if you can hold it, Butterfingers.”

AJ smiled, handed Lara her cooler, then went back in the house.  Lara looked at Kelley appraisingly but said nothing.

 

Later that evening, Lara and Nick were snuggled on a hammock in a corner of AJ’s yard.  She was laying back against his chest and he was drawing lazy circles up and down her forearm.  “I love you,” he said suddenly.

“Where did that come from?”  Lara asked with a smile. She never tired of hearing it.

“I just do.  I love the person you are.  Love the fact that you still care so much about AJ even when he’s been a child.”

“You’re one to talk, Pouty,” Lara giggled, squirming when Nick tickled her.  “No…it’s just that he was an important part of my life for a while, and still a good friend.  I know we broke his heart when we “came out” about our relationship…and I just want him to be happy.”

“I think you have started him down the road to happiness.”  Nick motioned to a table by the pool, where AJ and Kelley were in an animated discussion.  “You realize they’ve been there in that exact spot for over two hours now, talking to no one but themselves?  When was the last party of AJ’s where you didn’t see him mingle.”

“That’s true!”  Lara looked at her friends and grinned.  She had felt a positive vibe between them early on and was glad that her intuition was right.

“You don’t think he’ll use her, do you?”  Nick asked anxiously.  He liked Kelley, and Lara had told him about all the girls AJ had tried to replace her with.

“No…this is different.  ALEX is different.  Besides…if he even tries that he will regret the day he does,” Lara said.  She turned her face up to Nick.  “Enough about them.  We’re in a dark secluded spot, snuggled in a hammock.  I think we should be making out.”

“Good idea,” Nick said, intertwining his fingers with hers as he bent his head to kiss her.

 

The End

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