it came from the net

DERWENT SPINKS, ESQ.
A page of the brilliant, quirky and useless information that has come out of this great X-Files slash site!

THE TAO OF EMILY
Words to live by from everybody's favorite six year old! Thanks for sharing, Lisby!

FLIP(PANT) REMARKS
A new friend found this page and demanded his fifteen minutes...how can I resist?

LISBY LOGIC
List mom's on drugs! Marlene said so, and if you don't believe me, check out this page!

LYRICAL SOUL
it's all her fault, I tell you! Post a story, she said, I'll help you.....

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.
-Ali

"I love John. I always have. He’s the kind of guy that puts up with weird flatmates because they’re brilliant, stands up for people he cares about, isn’t afraid to yell at shit that annoys him, likes jumpers, is gorgeous as all hell, carries an illegal firearm, probably would buy a crying kid a balloon, shoots not-very-nice people that deserve it, tells Sherlock to stop being a unfeeling bastard, is (possibly) unabashedly bisexual with experience across three continents, is probably a very attentive lover but will pin your wrists down during sex and you’ll like it, loves queen and country, is an awesome doctor and is generally a really badass motherfucker. In short, I fucking love you, John Watson."--anarmydoctor

You know why Benedict insists that it’s platonic? He’s not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it. The bigger the disbelief the more he gets off, and you know what? One day just insisting that they are totally straight won’t be enough. One day Martin will have a lovebite on his neck and Benedict will be the one that put it there.
--anarmydoctor.tumblr

"If they had fanfic back in the Dark Ages, I bet the most common question readers would ask is, "Can't you put a catapult in this story?" No, I'm sorry. That would violate canon."
-Deep Fanfic Thoughts, courtesy of Angel Sparrow

"We don't just embrace insanity here. We feel it up, French kiss it and then buy it a drink."
-angstpuppy

" I love snowboarding. All the little stoner punks winning gold medals makes me grin. :) "
-anniesj on the olympics

Since series two, Big Brother has always had gays. They have to have gays. It's modern. But generally not too many of them, and they can't be the eyecandy, because no-one wants to have to fancy a gay. This year they've really gone to extremes with Dennis the flamboyant dancer, whose face resembles an effigy of a pug dog moulded out of sausagemeat. 'Flamboyant', incidentally, is gay code for 'hideous screeching nightmare'.
- LJ user "anw"

"It looks and tastes like a fruity umbrella drink, but it headbutts like an angry Arab in football shorts."
-anw on the Zombie

"blue gillespie is awesome. GDL sings like a weevil. a weevil smoking three packs a day."
-ask_janet (someone RPing Janet the Weevil in the "AskAboutCoffee" saga)

I hate the word homophobia. It is not a phobia.You are not scared.You are just an asshole.What if someone had an actual phobia though, like with people who are arachnaphobic? A gay person comes into their house and they stand on a chair screaming and swatting them with a broom or something. Or they get a really huge glass to put over the gay person and then slide a big piece of paper underneath and put them outside...those fucking gay spiders will get you every time.
--auditory assault on tumblr

I think the fact that I made a cable-knit jumper out of icing demonstrates the depth of my insanity, as both a fangirl and a hobbyist baker.
--autumnestuary

"I've been called a mulderist and a skinnerist. Guess that makes me a mulderist skinnerista."
-Avirnova

"More Mulder/ Skinner slash...there isn't enough, not nearly enough,nope. Nuff said."
-Avirnova

"Spare that turkey, that turkey so warm, while he is tasty, he's done you no harm. But if in the end , you mean to do the deed, save me a drumstick, that's all I'll need."
-Avirnova

"If a Krycek is shot in the garage, and no one sees the video evidence, is he really dead?"
-Basingstoke

This list
is like a peep show
you wonder who
the
fuck
everyone is
-bcfan's response to Lisby's haiku

I can hear its tiny puffer brain now..."the thin white thing - should I puff? should I not? Is it food?"
-bcfan

Dearie me, however did I miss this fact on an obligatory cross-Canada trip. Will insert new information now.
British Columbia - lotusland.
Alberta - dinosaurs. shopping.
Manitoba and Saskatchewan - Moosejaw wind tunnel. RCMP museum./uterine homo tracking device/.
Ontario - giant nickel. salt. flashy waterfall. blackflies.
Quebec - better shopping. better food. better wine. de rien.
eastern provinces - Anne of Green Gables house. a million tourists. scary lobsters.
And at the far eastern edge - incomprehensible dialects.
-bcfan, tour guide

"Driving through the furniture district just now, I discovered my new drag name, all in neon: "Jennifer Leather.""
Tweeted by Ben Patrick Johnson

The moment I believe anything from Fox news I will vote for a Republican.--Bertina

"I am not a hurt/comfort kinda gal, I swear. Just a hurry and lets get to the comfort that involves no clothing type deal."
-Bertina (a closet romantic)

It looks like K9 and a Dalek had a baby while R2-D2 watched--Beth, on the new and improved ?? K9

"I've been sitting here looking at Barbie butts with a magnifying glass and *you're* eating *food*!"--Billie-Lee

" 'Standing there minding you own business', my Kentucky Fried butt! "-- Billie-Lee
not buying her s/o's innocent act

(from MySpace) Blue Gillespie is taking turns on Gemma James (even her ears are full). the oxygen tank is on standby and the midget is dead. gareth is weeping! (his Arse hole)--Blue Gillespie

"Traditonally, the father of the bottom pays for the wedding."
-Callisto (who says: One of my listsibs on Senad has this great strap line on her email :-)
"Traditionally, the father of the bottom pays for everything - William Ellison is a very happy father."
-the original quote from alyjude@webtv.net, but I thought I'd leave both versions on here, just for fun

One of my Canadian friends, on turning 50, started telling people she was "35 American"!
-callrachel2000

"I knew he was insidious, I just didn't know he was such a romantic!"
C.Davis, on the theory of Mr. X sending Mulder a teddy bear and Walter a card

"coffee.exe is missing unable to run wakeup.com insert huge cup of coffee and press enter to continue"
-Charly

"Besides, don't forget: I live in Third World, and here, the watchword is: Laugh or Die in a big, loud, nasty explosion of rage, frustration and indignation... So, I prefer laugh. I do not really like loud noises... neither to explode, I guess."
-Charly

God grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
-Charly

"Rule number 78: when a vampire rolls a joint in your car and starts using words like “capacious”, it’s time to get the hell out of there."
-From 'No Power On Earth' an X/S fic by Circe

"We shall rule the world with our polite ways...if they don't mind."--confusedpuppy, on Canada

"I'm like a mad cleaning straightening organizing person thingee. Get out of my way or I'll throw you in a box and donate you somewhere."
-Cousin Shelley

"From a writer's point of view, it makes a certain amount of sense to kill off your title character in the final chapter, if you seriously intend to never return to the universe again. It'd prohibit other authors from taking your characters and "fleshing out" your universe in their own "unique" and "horrible" ways. Just imagine: At the end of Return of the Jedi, during the celebration on Endor, a young Ewok, drunk on victory and bourbon, carelessly throws a thermal detonator into a bonfire, wiping out the entire main cast. A grateful galaxy is thus spared the pleasures of eighteen-hundred "Expanded Universe" novels and countless slashfic stories where Luke shows a bound and gagged Han Solo what "The Force" is all about."
--cracked.com

Also, word of advice, when writing porn for one fandom, don't take a break and read porn from another fandom.--Cruentum

I played Sims for the first time ever a few days ago and man, what a disaster. Sam refused to eat pizza 4 days in a row but got all grouchy and didn't even want to look for a job anymore and I was all 'dude, diaf then and starve'. And then Castiel pissed himself because there was no toilet and then Dean and Sam pissed themselves because there was no.. toilet and it was ... pretty disastrous. They liked the toy car though.--Cruentum

The house didn't have one and I couldn't buy one and so I was like 'dude, I don't know what to do, can't you like piss in the grass?' but turns out they couldn't, so they all started hopping around holding their crotches and then Castiel pissed himself and then got a broom and cleaned it up. Weirdo. And then I opted out of the game because I was all 'I can't take this misery'--Cruentum

"Have to work on the crucial nose blast though. Absolutely critical if I want to make the Olympics next year."
-Dave, on the SNF try-outs

"I wholeheartedly apologize to the goddess for my reckless and untoward attitude toward the Skin-man."
-Dave, being a good boy

"The wiffle bat torture... I could take that. The flogging... that was enjoyable, actually. But the taped episodes of Matlock you made me watch... Now that... that was low."
-Dave

""You've got a Squirrel 2000??? You're so lucky!! I'm still using an Etch-a-Sketch connected to a hot glue gun and a blender. It's slow, but it blends ice really, really well. It's powered by two hamsters on a wheel. They'll only move when you sing Celine Dion songs. They're trying to get away. Unfortunately, whenever I use this contraption, the neighbors complain. Guess their heart *doesn't* go on."
-Dave S.

Top Ten Krycek Seduction Lines
(to Mulder, of course)
10.)It's all you can eat night at the Krycek buffett
9.) One, two, three, four, I declare a penis war!
8.) Wouldn't you be more comfortable...naked? And on my bed, writhing?
7.)You forgot to strip-search me, Mulder.
6.) Little Alex just needed some air.
5.) You look like you need more vodka. And less clothes.
4.)Let's play Assistant Director and naughty Agent
3.)I've hidden the digital tape somewhere on my body. I suggest a full-body cavity search.
2.)Hey, did you know my prosthetic arm has a vibrating feature?
1.) While you're handcuffing me, could you get something out of my pocket? I'll let you know when you find it.
-Dave

"I didn't think it was possible to have your head up your arse and your foot in your mouth at the same time. Thank you for the demonstration."
-distaff_exile

Canadians, I have found, are tolerant people, up to the point you piss them off, and then you remember they live in a terribly cold country, have powerful beer, and like their peace and quiet enough to punch you in the face.
-dragonscholar

Amy Pond discovers the "vibrate" function on the sonic screwdriver and is never seen again.
From Twitter “drwhospoilers”

"Why do I get the feeling that the NAACP feels about Michael Jackson the way the Promisekeepers feel about Ru-Paul?"
-eeyore, from Yahoo Pagan Chat

"You need only two tools -- WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape."
Eileen Salmas (off of her post, but it sounds like Red Green to me!)

""Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."
- bumper sticker, courtesy of Emily Titon

"Do not argue with the forces of nature, for you are small, insignificant and biodegradable."
-another fabulous tag line from Emily Titon

"A couple of days ago, a guy wandered into the laundry room at seven PM looking for extra pillows. Don't ask me how he found the laundry room or why he didn't go to the desk, I don't know. "Do you work here?" Me in my idiot maid costume with little apron. "No. I came here and killed the laundry girl, but, while I was looking for somewhere to, you know, hide my axe, I saw all these unfolded sheets, and my obsessive/compulsive disorder kicked in, so I started folding em."
-Erika, who did eventually give the guy his pillows *L*

"The Truth", I dunno. My SO characterized it thusly: Mulder: I see dead people. Cancerman: I'm not dead.Chris Carter: You are now."
-Erika (LOL I haven't seen it put any better!)

CROSSOVER, Torchwood/House/Doctor Who/others. Slash&het. An epic involving alien invasions, explosions, hallucinations, lots of crack, angst, a carnivorous car trunk, pirates, and fanged mushrooms. No one is having a good day, especially not Gwen.
story description from fanfiction.net

"I like the idea of a total stranger stalking you to give you jewelry then buggering off."
- The Fringedwellers Guide on 'Welcome to the Hellmouth'
http://www.fringedwellers-guide.net/

"Something funny."
-Frogdoggie, in his first appearance in the chatroom while I was there.

"I'd forgotten how much he kvetched. I mean, get real. Can you imagine looking that delicious, and living 800 years? Anyone else would be having the time of his life....like 10 times over. I'd be sucking blood and screwing my brains out. My needs are simple."--Laurie's friend Gail, regarding the vampire Nick Knight of "Forever Knight"

"...just because I'm hurt doesn't mean I get to spread it around like karmic Cheez-Whiz."
-Gileswench, from 'A Word With You All'

My brother just stared into a mirror for about ten minutes, as if he could will the lone pimple on his cheek out of existence. Then he just sort of screamed in anguish and then yelled at the room in general "why is my life so fucked? And I don't even have my period yet!"
I think it says a lot about my family that our responses were as follows:
Dad - "He's getting periods now? Fuck me, I'm building a bomb shelter."
Mum - "Just soundproof the cellar."
Me - "Ow. My ears. Hey, does anyone else think Fernando Torres seriously has some fine child-bearing hips?"
-family bonding from the fantastic greenpixiehair

Skinner's shirt was white and crisp and he clasped Mulder to his chest in the snow
-Hal

BOY: I decided not to bring the Mexican wrestler game because it mocks Mexican wrestlers.
HAL: Do I have time to edit my LJ post before we go?
(on Halrloprillalar's LJ)

"Which is cooler, a zombie or a ninja? And where would a pirate rank on that scale? All I could decide was that if Racer X became a zombie ninja pirate, it would cause such a massive black hole of coolness that the entire universe would fall into it."
-Hal

Disclaimer: Same as always. M/m, Paramount, high oak tree, necktie party, broke as a church mouse, need a life, wish I was God Emperor of Dune, satisfied with little, needful of therapy, could lose a little weight, voted in the last election, got some back on the income tax, facing menopause with a brave smile, seeking enlightenment, wishing I had a handicapped parking sticker, glad I don’t need one, thinking summer isn’t for sissies, waiting for Godot, wondering who the hell he *really* is, not taking any wooden nickels, wondering if I could find any on ebay, wishing I was in Rome, knowing I’ll always have (Tom) Paris, and considering a tattoo. On my tongue.
Helmboy <helmboy2@yahoo.com>

I have it, on the authority of soemone who has met him (twice) that Jeremy Clarkson is not real - so that's all right then. Actually, after all those gay jokes on last night's tractor edition I am by no means certain that the whole programme isn't a figment of a derranged imagination (probably Russell T Davis's). Off to have Clarkson road-test a Tardis.
--inamac

Watch out Mulder!!! a giant monkey is stalking you!!!
-iricel casilla
(I missed the conversation thread, but this made me giggle)

"Sailor Uranus dropped on her knees in front of Sailor Neptune. "Michiru, I have a terrible confession to make!! I am really a vampire soccer mom and I'm addicted to late night bowling. I want nothing more than to have hot lesbian, vampire, soccer mom sex with you! Please tongue me like you would an alto saxophone!"
~ Jen's fifteen-year-old and her best-friend (taunting a rather dull group of Sailor Moon RPG writers.)

"Oh Ye of the Damp Panties, do you begin to grok Ratlust yet?"
-Jen (who doesn't believe the television escaped unscathed)

"Sounds revolting. Okay, I'll take some."
-Jen, who explains herself by saying: "Apparently quite awhile ago, we went to Good Times to grab some hamburgers (this must have been before the onset of my chronic pain disorder) *anyway* they had these wild sauces or something similarly silly sounding, which they served on the side with their fries. I asked what their sauces were made of and the guy answered kinda gross, like barbeque sauce and mayo, to which I replied, (see above) <shrugs> I'm an oddie, what *can* I say??

"Five cops, two secret agents, an archaeologist, two colonels, a Jaffa, a mountie, a guide, two lieutenants, two captains, a vampire, two watchers, a werewolf, four Immortals, and two Jedi. What a way to go."
-Jenny

WESLEY: 'I told Spike you were an emotional retard. I was too bloody generous. You're a fuckwit, Angel.'
-from 'Time is the Fire in Which We Burn' by Jenny

"The ability to do advanced crossword puzzles does not excuse you from exhibiting common sense and courtesy."
-Jess

"...between the toxicity of bug spray, paint stripper, carpet cleaner (hey, I cleaned a rug, too!) and hair color, I've spent the afternoon needing an oxygen tank or one match flick away from being a Darwin award candidate."
-Jessabelle

"You have to admit it is kind of ironic that GA's pregnancy started the mytharc and Scully's pregnancy destroyed it."
-Jo

"there truly are some things (like where the genuine copy of the Al Azif resides or how soon before Cthulhu wakes again) we DON'T need to know."
-Joseph Connell (on the bronzing of a listmom)

"Even in a future without underwear, Scully is still Scully."
-JustAmy (Spookey247)

Bambi never knew what was in store,
On the bed, the chair, the floor
Rock and Roll, Fuck and Stumble
Wants so bad from one so humble.
When pulsing hard, wet and soft meet
Fuck the potatoes! Just gimme my meat!
Pounding thunder sewed with a kiss
Left for days in a swollen abyss.
-from KAT, found on an LJ, and passed on by Joe

"If you can't cut the mustard at least lick the jar."
- (from some random guy last night), overheard during Kat's birthday

"I'll try being nicer, if you'll try being smarter"
-Kat, TechHead and Bathroom Locator Extraordinare

"Do not meddle in the affairs of slashers, for you are hot and look good with other men."
-Kathryn

"I'm not just out of the closet, I'm sitting in the living room with my feet propped up!"
-Khylara
(who found this quote on a pin she picked up during Gay Pride, and who now uses it as a tag line on her email-thanks, hon, it's great!)

Waiting for the father Joe doll ...
-k.morse (who adds: I know! And my friend who watched the movie premier with me pondered if the doll would come with 37 Altar boys... wrong but funny...... I almost swallowed the straw in my coke.)

"What is it about sayings that relate to 'Good Things'.. Let's flick that rock over for a second.. <flip>...They say:
Good things come to those who wait.
Good things come in small packages.
All good things must come to an end.
You can never have too much of a good thing.
(I had an ex-boyfriend once who claimed that Point # 2 was true.. But honey, you can't churn butter with a toothpick. Much less a sliver.) So.. from this, I'm to deduce that if I wait for a small package, it will arrive, and then it will end, hence, I'll never have too much of it...I can only assume, then, that the mysterious 'Good Thing' is.... mail-order Sea Monkeys!"
- Kolyndia.
(a snippet from her webpage : http://www.corruptedcauldron.com)

"Sunday, July 1 marked the death of Nostrodamus, in 1566...you'd think he would have seen that coming..."
-Kolyndia

"The problem with Angel-and Angelus-was that the big rocks that rolled about in his head occasionally held still long enough for him to make some frighteningly accurate observations. "
From "Rewind" by Ladycat

It was so sad. It couldn't have happened any other way! I'm deeply touched by your skills with dramatic arcs. And your use of beans was masterful, but, still overshadowed by the Unexpected Astroglide.
-lawsontl

At any rate, the metal was put there by Weapon X. His healing factor and senses and all that are his mutations. The adamantium claws and skeleton were an add-on. Kind of like Pimp My Short Canadian Fellow.
-leikomgwtfbbq

Captain Funk: Activate jazz hand powah!
Magneto: Nooooooo! God damn you and your fabulous sense of rhythm!
-leikomgwtfbbq

"We have achieved party throwing greatness - We have a midget!"
-Leslie (on the Halloween Party Lori(lie) went to)

"Infinity is the lazy man's glib definition of all that which is not yet knowable."
-Livia

"Where we steal the archetypes and dress them up in frilly Barbie clothes."
-Livia

"Actually it was the unaired "The Purple and the Black", and it involved a high-speed car chase through Vancouver, er, San Francisco, followed by The Kiss, and ended on a very emotional scene as Mulder admitted his feelings for Krycek and agreed to march in the Gay Pride parade with him. It was very sweet."
-Livia

"You know you've been reading too much slash when you pass by a sign that reads 'MK Auto Body' and think, "Yeah, that'd be hot."
- Livia

Seen on an LJ icon:
"Regrettable Buffyverse fic summary No. 000236: 'Angel Reflects' "

"Mom said "I thought you got over this when V was cancelled back in the 80's""
-Logan

"Okay, I have to go feed the Fisher Price crazy people and put them to bed before I axe murder them!"
-Logan

Inspirational Thought for the Day:
        Do not walk before me, for I may not follow.
        Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
        Do not walk beside me, either.
        Just get the hell away from me.
NOTE: Got this quote on an email from Luminosity and thought it warrranted a special mention here.

"I'm a fan of the Rams. I do not collect pictures of the rams and make them into screen savers. I don't attend Rams conventions. I don't write stories about the Rams having sex with each other in the Oval Office. I watch the Rams, cheer for the Rams, and am happy when the Rams do well."
--Mr L.S. aka not a Fangirl

"Once in a generation there is a TV show that changes the landscape of TV. For my generation that show will always be The X-Files.."
--Maelee McBee

"Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night, nor oceans, nor British Railways, nor Sheila's flu will stays these courageous fans from joining Garett in Liverpool"
-Maggie

"If I could make a dumb analogy, M&S's UST is like a beautiful butterfly that everybody smiles at and cups in their hands. M&K's UST is some weird bug that crawled up out of the drain and 1013 just can't help but poke it with a stick and squeal when it skitters around."
-Magpie on alt.tv.x-files.analysis

And Stephen Kent's didgeridoo concert -- that man can have more fun with a hollow log than should be allowable by law. And the front man for Telesma was cooler than crap. (I just devolved.) And Lisby has some beautiful henna on her hands.
Marlene, home from Starwood

By the way, I feel so safe on this list that I can reveal that I'm topless while typing this.
-Marlene

The guy who invented the video game cartridge died today. I hope someone blows on the side of his casket before they put it in the ground.
From Twitter @marylandmudflap

"Life is like a box of WMDs: failing as President is just another blip in a long history of trainwrecks. It doesn't stop him, he always walks away from the carnage unharmed. He's like the Forrest Gump of failure."
--lj user "mcbrennan" on George W. Bush

You'll just have to bring your butt down here one day, missy, so i can ejamacate ya proper.
-Medusa

At the surprisingly tiny height of 5’2″, Gillian Anderson was a full 10 inches shorter than her X-Files co-star David Duchovny. So, how did the crew save Anderson from having to jump up and down so she wasn’t having some important, expository conversation with Duchovny’s nipples? The answer is an apple box, a common tool used for a lot of television and film actors whose height doesn’t really jibe with other actors in a scene. Generally, they are 8″x20″x12″, but since the height disparity between the X-Files stars was exceptionally great, Anderson’s slightly higher “Scully Box” was measured at about “an apple and a half.” The actress actually referred to it as the “Gilly Box,” and sometimes she would forget she was on it — and then fall off the box during a serious scene. You’re thinking about how much you miss The X-Files now, aren’t you? So are we. We are not alone.
-mental floss

"Why do they still make "Musk"? It smells like something that fell out of a warthog's ass."
-mfallenangel

First, they came for the idiots, and I did nothing, cause hey, they're idiots. Take em.
--Mike James

Breaking News... Season 8 is official! Fun fact: If Jensen got Jared pregnant when they first met, they would have a 7 year-old.
Misha Collins ‏ @mishacollins

"Well, the thing about stroking your own ego, is it's like stroking your own sex organs. Yeah, sure, everyone does it. It's healthy and natural. But in private, please. In public, it's just gross."
-moonlit_page

MORK: "Ha ha ha! I can drive again! To celebrate, I will do just that!"
GAS STATION: "Ha ha, $1.159 gas, Bitch"
MORK "...I recall driving feeling less like unlubed anal sex. I really do."
(CANADA. gas in CANADA is not only in canadian dollars, but also they use those funny things called LITRES)

"After being heckled twice by a junior whilst giving a presentation, I shone the laser pointer at his head and switched it on and off repeatedly. When the boss asked me what I thought I was doing, I said, "Trying to set this damn laser pointer to 'stun'."
-Neil from England, who says, "well, it was funny at the time."

My friend: "Well, what do you think? I think she's a babe."
Me: "So you've seen that film too."
-Neil from England, who explains thusly:A friend of mine was introducing me to her new girlfriend. We said our hello's and the new girlfriend went to get the drinks.

"He couldn't be more in the closet if he tried, in fact if he was further in, he'd be in Narnia."
-Neil from England (Referring to a friend at university with him)

"Finished The DaVinci Code. Not only did it suck the dick of death, it swallowed and gave death a rimjob afterwards. What a predictable load of crap."
-new world smurf

Sounds like the harshest kind of torture. Whatever you do, and no matter how many times they restock the minibar, don't tell them what they want to know.
--Patrick, on Lisby's abduction

Our family crest hanging in my home isn't so much a crest as it is the lyrics to Cher's "Gypsies,Tramps & Thieves" written on a bar napkin.
--PrairieQueen812

"...if we ever meet in person; your anus is completely safe around me! :)"
-probe

You know what's great about being a woman? ...Nothing I can think of at this moment. BOOBS. I guess the boobs can stay. But the rest of the feminine bits can fuck off and die, kthnx. Blargh.
--queenklu

At some point today the BFF is coming over to talk about what day I can host a Mary Kaye party, which is...fucking great. /sarcasm. We have a mutual high school "friend" who just got into the business, and she's been bugging the BFF to host a MK party, but since the BFF threw the spa party she wants me to throw this one. And I would be happy to throw it--out the window, shooting it full of rock salt while it's on fire.--queenklu

"Everyone is always asking me, "How can you be an Alaskan and not like fish?" and I have to bite my lip so I don't say, "How are you 75% water and not able to breathe it?" --queenklu

Queenklu's Dad: I think that the next Criminal Minds spinoff should be called Criminal Mimes...The killer is silent...but deadly.
Queenklu: They just put you in an invisible room and leave you there to die.

GUNN: "Do you have any idea how wrong that is?"
XANDER: "On a scale of mismatched socks to William Shatner albums, it ranks between white chocolate and fat free Oreos."
From 'No More Snakes and Ladders' by Reremouse

Jack Harkness is not, in fact, older than sin, but it's only a matter of time.
-reseda_ptah

Does anyone know if Garett's dressing up in a posh frock? Because we will if he does...
-Rhianne (on dinner for GMOH)

In Velvet Goldmine, Ewan jumps up and down on stage with his pants down, and from the viewer's place in the audience, your attention is immediately drawn to the massive appendage that waves as if to shout "Hello from all of us in Ewan's Groin!" Seriously, it looks like a very long baby's leg sprouted from his mangina and began kicking like a double-jointed Rockette.
-samiblackmire

" I take it your weather has been "Clear and Still" , lately.....as in "Clear up to your ass and Still Snowing"???????"
-Sandy

KATIE: (Her 1st grade class has been watching movies like "Diary of Anne Frank" and other historical films about WWII and that time period. She came home in a lather last week and grabbed me) "Mommy! We saw a movie today and a man with a teeny moustache was shouting at some people. (leaning closer to me and whispering) They were the Yatzees!"
Sarah, and her version of Emily

"I swear, they need to change my job title from 'technical support representative' to 'grand exalted scapegoat'."
-sargiegirl76

"It's something that goes all over your keyboard. Specifically a beverage, like a venti Americano marked with foam. When one is pleasantly surprised by the humor of a post or comment, one might inhale one's tasty beverage into one's schnoz. Then one might explode one's coffee-flavored mirth out one's nostrils onto one's computer. You may put down your notepad now, Junior Agent S. Oh, but could you pick me up a grande, sugar-free, iced, vanilla latte with two Sweet N Lows while you're out? Thanks."
-Shan, explaining the Scottish Nose Fountain

"Uh, did you know that Mulder's favorite time to practice some self-luvin' is right after he's had a Snickers bar?"
-shan, going with the on-topic thang.

"I was thinking of the wrong beautiful, sexy, self-luvin' man. Krycek likes Snickers. Mulder, of course, enjoys the occasional, and by occasional I mean quite frequent, post-seed session. My bad. Forgive me."
-shan

"Dawn light filtered through the lace curtains and shone onto the satin sheets and his lover's face, prompting Krycek to consider that perhaps yellow wasn't CSM's most flattering color."
-Shelba, who won a contest with this line

"The first and foremost reason I adore him is not because he is drop dead gorgeous, but because of what comes out of his mouth."
-Sherrie, on DD

"Mulderest, Scullyest, Shipper, Noromo, MSRest, Skinnerest, Krycekest, Dogettest, Paranormalist, Conspir icist,
slasher, MOTWest, LGMest, Alienest, Sci-fi, fan- fictionest..."
-Sherrie

Astrologically, the moon must be in DramaWhore and trined with Wanker
-sims2_snapshots

"It's better to be pissed off than to be pissed on."
"Life is full of flat squirrels who couldn't make up their minds."
-slayerknight2@aol.com

Kirk slouches in his chair and sighs. McCoy will give him this; the man is a champion at slouching. There’s something about the way he slouches that seems to be saying, ‘I could be sitting straight, but the universe just couldn’t handle the awesomeness of me being fully upright in this chair.’ It’s a lot to say in just the way he sits. It’s impressive.
from a new Star Trek story (email me for credit)

Apparently I butt dailed my niece in Idaho this morning. 8:00 my time, 5:00 her time. Sorry Ginny.--Laurie's friend Stuart

I am so excited about the movie that I sometimes feel like EXPLODING. I catch myself going around with this goofy smile on my face and murmuring "Mulder, it's me"--Subrosa

"Yahoogroups "sucks dead bunnie through a straw" to quote a listsib elsewhere."
-Tamy

Some people call it staring into space, but I call it "plot development."
-Tesla

Feminists! Don't castrate men! Because you can only castrate a man once, but you can kick him in the balls as often as you like.
-the_maenad

Possibly I should have gone with the chicken feet and the blood sacrifice; the rain dance obviously wasn't enough.
-tonian

"With regards to Zachary Quinto and Benedict Cumberbatch and the post 'How long unti theyl...', I noticed on Twitter someone called their potential ship 'Q-Cumber'. Couldn't help but have a little giggle about that."
--found on Tumblr

One day we'll all be standing around an Oscar and Benedict Cumberbatch will be the one who got it.
--found on Tumblr

“Snooki is pregnant with a due date of Dec. 21, 2012. Well played, Mayans. Well played.”
--found on Twitter

roses are red
violets are blue
you must be reichenbach because i’m falling for you
--found on Tumblr

I watched the first episode of Sherlock last night and now I am apparently obligated by Tumblr Law to draw Watson and Sherlock making out?
--unknown Twitterer

"Penguins do it. ADs do it.
Russian double agents do it.
Mulder, let's fall in love..."
-Ursula

"As hard as it may be to believe, Canada is indeed a different country and not just America's hat."--winterbymorning

“These comics combine to form a true tragedy, like a school bus full of blind kids going off a cliff and crashing into a parade float full of war heroes.”
--funny line from a comic book review

On the fourth World Congress of Families being held in Warsaw, and Poland's freaking out that it (Poland) now has GLBT organizations:
"The gays are "attacking" Poland by, as far as I can tell, having LGBT organizations that the government is harassing with criminal investigations; by having the head of the Polish school system distribute EU antidiscrimination pamphlets, to which the government responded by firing the official and banning the pamphlets; and (the GLBT Orgs) getting upset when the government replaced that official with a guy who believes that "school must explain that homosexual practices lead to drama, emptiness and degeneracy". Well, OK. I'll grant them the drama, but the other two? That's just mean."
From YouAreDumb.net

"So congratulations, Warsaw! By turning yourself into the Alabama of Eastern Europe...You'll have the richest boy prostitutes in the entire EU!"
From YouAreDumb.net

Bev: "Grump grump grump grump you annoying kids grump grump grump."
Eoin: (annoyingly cheerful) "Is Aunt Urma on the Way?"
Me: (resentfully) "Grump grump grump grump.... Yes!"
Rowan: (puzzled) "Who's Anne Turner?"

Eoin: (grumpily to provoke a fight): Rowan's not clever. He's as clever as a stone.
Bev: (striving to keep the peace between sons): Yes, he is as clever as a stone, because stones are really clever! I will prove it. If you ask a stone a question, what happens?
Eoin: Silence.
Bev: There! You see! That's because it is thinking really hard.
Rowan (triumphantly): Einstone!

MARLENE: She's in England now, then she'll zigzag over to Amsterdam and back to England. And then home again, home again, jiggety-jig. Until then, Amanda helms the mothership with her pegleg and blunderbuss.
MICHELE: Mulder always wanted a pegleg....
MAYBEAMANDA: He can share mine. I'm just awesome like that.
MARLENE: You get my vote for the Pegleg Humanitarian Award.

Lisby: Think that Scully is dragging him to a prenup meeting with the priest and Mulder ain't too pleased--he knows he'll get his revenge when it's time to see the rabbi, the shaman, the high priestess, and the Great Butter Yak.
Maybe Amanda: Like even Mulder would mess with the yak. Be serious.

DUNCAN: "Mommy, my name is now is not Duncan Elliot Parke."
MOMMY: "It's not? What is it then?"
DUNCAN: "It's Duncan WhamWhack Parke."
MOMMY: "Oh dear."
Emily's three year old cousin

After several hours of debauchery at the home of spanking brand new friends, Victoria was feeling pretty good.
Victoria: May I get on the floor?
Shay: Are you okay, Victoria?
Victoria: I’m fine. I’m more than fine. I just thought that it would be neat to get on the floor.
Rhonda: Then why are you asking?
Victoria: I just wanted to ask permission.
Casey: You don’t have to ask permission, Sweetie. You can get on the floor if you want to.
Victoria: I just wanted to ask. I mean, you’ve invited me into your home and I don’t want you to think that I don’t care whose house this is and just do whatever I li---
Shay, Rhonda, and Casey (all at once): Victoria, get on the f*c*i*g floor!!!!!
Victoria got on the floor.
Victoria: This is swell!

FranTheWonderHorse: Is Wonky Eye an actual medical condition?
LISBY: I believe so. But let me check....Yes. Short for Wonkutickularousis eyeballus. There you have it.
MaybeAmanda: It's like Trick Knee and The Whammy.

Marlene wrote: Oh yeah. I think it's the hand-on-hip stance. It's like he's saying, "Here are my testicles. They cannot be denied."
The Goddess wrote: LOL!! Unfortunately, I only get that vibe from his hand on hip stance half the time. The other half, it's all about "I'm a little teapot"...
Kim wrote: Sam Adams Winter Brew snorted up my nose. It's been a long time since an internet post actually made me huff a beverage into my sinuses. Michele, this goes on that quotes page. You NUT. Snorfling and giggling,
(a memorable exchange about Skinner on the X-OK list)

"Whenever someone asks me to define the elements of a really good slash story, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin their arms behind their back. NOW who's asking the questions?"
"I think it's high time we started questioning the old fanfic clichés like "Grunt big for Daddy."
These, and many more "deep fanfic thoughts" can be found at: http://www.certando.net/vali/deepthoughts.htm

Apparently I butt dailed my niece in Idaho this morning. 8:00 my time, 5:00 her time. Sorry Ginny.--Laurie's friend Stuart

Bev: "Grump grump grump grump you annoying kids grump grump grump." Eoin: (annoyingly cheerful) "Is Aunt Urma on the Way?" Me: (resentfully) "Grump grump grump grump.... Yes!" Rowan: (puzzled) "Who's Anne Turner?"

Bev: "Grump grump grump grump you annoying kids grump grump grump."
Eoin: (annoyingly cheerful) "Is Aunt Urma on the Way?"
Me: (resentfully) "Grump grump grump grump.... Yes!"
Rowan: (puzzled) "Who's Anne Turner?"