writers and other projects)
Do you know the big problem with a disguise, Mr.
Holmes? However hard you try, it's always a self-portrait.
You think I'm a vicar with a bleeding face?
No, I think you're damaged, delusional, and believe
in a higher power. In your case, it's yourself.
Mycroft Holmes: My brother has the brain of a scientist or a
philosopher, yet he elects to be a detective. What might we deduce
about his heart?
John: I don't know.
Mycroft Holmes: Neither do I. But initially he wanted to be a pirate.
DI Lestrade: Have you heard of Sherlock Holmes?
DI Carter: Who?
DI Lestrade: Well, you're about to meet him now. This is your case.
Tt's entirely up to you. This is just friendly advice. But give
Sherlock five minutes on your crime scene and listen to everything he
has to say. And as far as possible, try not to punch him.
You wearing any pants?
Just once can you two behave like adults?
We solve crimes, I blog about it, and he forgets his
pants. I wouldn't hold out too much hope.
me in the face.
Yes. Punch me. In the
face. Didn't you hear me?
I always hear 'punch me in the
face' when you're speaking. But it's usually subtext.
no point in my leaving the house for anything less than a seven. We
John: When did we agree that?
Sherlock: We agreed to it yesterday.
John: I wasn't even at home yesterday,
I was in Dublin.
Sherlock: It's hardly my fault you
Mycroft: Don't be alarmed; it's to do with sex.
Sherlock: Sex doesn't alarm me.
Mycroft: How would you know?
Mycroft: You don't seem very afraid.
John: You don't seem very frightening.
"Oh, look at you lot. You're all so vacant. Is it nice not being me? It
must be so relaxing."
"Dear God, what is it like in your funny little brains? It must be so
"I'm not a psychopath, I'm a highly functioning sociopath. Do your
-- Sherlock (to Anderson)
"We've got a serial killer! Love those, there's always something to
look forward to."
Donovan: "Are these human eyes?"
Sherlock: "Put those back!"
Donovan: "They were in the microwave!"
Sherlock: "It's an experiment!"
Sherlock: "Shut up."
Lestrade: "I didn't say anyth-- "
Sherlock: "You were thinking. It's annoying."
"Anderson, don't talk out loud, you lower the IQ of the entire street."
John: "That...was amazing."
Sherlock: "Do you think so?"
John: "Of course it was, it was extraordinary. It was quite
Sherlock: "That's not what people normally say."
John: "What do people normally say?"
Sherlock: "Piss off."
John: "You have a girlfriend?"
Sherlock: "Girls not really my area."
John: "Oh...so do you have a boyfriend? Which is fine."
Sherlock: "I know it's fine."
John: "So you have a boyfriend."
John: "Oh, okay. So you're unattatched then. Just like me. Fine, good."
Sherlock: "... John, erm... I think you should know that I consider
myself married to my work, and while I'm flattered I'm not really
looking for any-- "
John: "No, no, that's not what I... no! I'm just saying... it's all
Sherlock: "... Good. Thank you."
"We can't giggle, it's a crime scene."
John: "This is how you get your kicks, isn't it? You risk your life to
prove you're clever."
Sherlock: "Why would I do that?"
John: "Because you're an idiot."
"And since yesterday you've moved in with him and now you're solving
crimes together. Might we expect a happy announcement by the end of the
"Look, I'm in shock, I have a blanket."
Brilliant! Yes! Ah, four serial suicides and now a
note. Oh, it's Christmas.--Sherlock
: Do you plan to
continue your association with Sherlock Holmes?
: I could be wrong,
but I think that's none of your business.
: It could be.
: It really
: You took your
: Yeah, I didn't do
: What? Why not?
: Because I had a
row in the shop with a chip and pin machine.
: You had a row
with a machine?
: Sort of. It sat
there and I shouted abuse.
: I said could
you pass me a pen?
: What, when?
: About an hour
: Didn't notice I'd
gone out then?
: I need some air. We're going out tonight.
: Actually, I've got a date.
Watson: It's where two people who like each other go out and have fun.
Sherlock: That's what I was suggesting.
Watson: No, it wasn't. At least I hope not.
Sherlock: I need your help.
Watson: I do have a couple of other things on my mind this evening.
Sherlock: Like what?
Watson: You are kidding.
Sherlock: What's so important?
Watson: Sherlock, I'm right in the middle of a date. You want me to
chase some killer while I...
Watson: While I'm trying to get off with Sarah. (Sarah overhears)
John: "There's a head in the fridge. A bloody head!"
Sherlock: "Where else was I supposed to put it?"
John: "A severed head!"
Sherlock: "Just tea for me, thanks."
"Oh hell, what does it matter?! So we go round the sun - if we went
round the moon or... round and round the garden like a teddy bear, it
wouldn't make any difference."
Sherlock: "You read his blog?"
Lestrade: "'Course I read his blog, we all do! Do you really not know
that the earth goes around the sun?"
Lestrade: "But what's this got to do with that painting? I don't see--
Sherlock: "You do see, you just don't observe!"
John: "Alright! Alright, girls, calm down."
Lestrade: "And happy new year."
"Oh, so you meant spectacularly ignorant in a nice way."
John: "You, ripping off my clothes in a darkened swimming pool. People
Sherlock: "People do little else."
"Those spoiled heterosexuals, with their plethora of orifices."
--Sherlock, from 'The Next
Move' by Berlynn Wohl
The funny thing
is, John never really knew the city until he began running through her
night streets beside a dark-haired man, both of them moving too fast to
see much, but never too fast to feel—feel her old pavement beneath
their feet, her rain on their faces, her winter cold deep down in their
welcoming bones. And finally, to feel the fast, sweet pounding of one
Minutiae by Atlin Merrick