The Top Ten Misconceptions About Garfield
10. He was once banned from the comics page for betting on a Peanuts baseball game. 9. He can cure scurvy with the touch of his paw. 8. He's really an Ewok in a cat suit. 7. If you read his strip backward, is says, " Elvis, your pork rinds are here". 6. He graduated from Harvard Medical School. 5. He and Bill Clinton once came to blows over a cheeseburger. 4. He won a Tony for the musical "Cats". 3. He was Shirley MacLaine in a previous life. 2. He already knows the winners of the next eight Superbowls. 1. He's stuck to the windows of every single car in America. Top Ten Things Garfield Would Like For His Birthday 10. Nermal deported. 9. His very own goldfish... with tartar sauce and fries. 8. Combination back scratcher/spider whacker. 7. Diving board for his food dish. 6. Giant autographed poster of himself. 5. Bird grater. 4. A muzzle.... for Jon. 3. Electric doggy prod. 2. New cat bed with Italian restaurant attached. 1. Party with 10,000 of his closest, gift-bearing friends. Garfield's Top Ten Favorite Exercises 10. Punting Odie 9. Leg-of-lamb lifts 8. Dunking doughnuts 7. Taffy pulls 6. Channel surfing 5. Yawning 4. Alarm clock smashing 3. Chewing 2. Spider whacking 1. A brisk nap The Top Ten Advantages To Being Odie 10. Never has to read Paradise Lost. 9. Plenty of saliva for throwing spitballs. 8. Isn't embarrassed if he forgets to give "Jeopardy" answer in the form of a question. 7. Relief is always as close as the nearest tree. 6. Tongue can reach those "hard-to-lick" places. 5. Teenage girls think stupidity is cute. 4. Can buy and sell Marmaduke. 3. Okay to scratch himself in public. 2. Lack of brains means big-time bliss. 1. All the toilet water he can drink. Garfield's Top Ten Suggestions For New Olympic Events 10. The dogput 9. Synchronized snoring 8. Speedsnacking 7. Long jump over pit of rabid wolverines 6. Demolition bobsleds 5. Mice hockey 4. 90-meter ski jump onto unsuspecting grandma 3. Fridge lift 2. Hairball hack 1. Eat till you explode!
