Don't let your child feel the need to write this Poem as Cheri did for her Mom!

Thank you Mom ...

For giving me life,
even though you told me how much you wished I had never
been born

Thank you Mom ...

For all the times you wished I was never born,
for you taught me the importance of telling my children how
much I wanted them

Thank you Mom...

Ffor never telling me how much you loved me,
for you taught me how important these three little words were
to another person

Thank you Mom...

Ffor all the beatings I suffered at your hands,
for they taught me the importance of a gentle touch to a small child

Thank you Mom...

For all the times you called me stupid,
for you gave me the thirst to learn

Thank you Mom ...

For all the days I was secluded in my room,
for you taught me to count only on myself for company

Thank you Mom...

For calling me a liar,
for you taught me the importance of always telling the truth
even when you weren't believed

Thank you Mom...

For calling me ugly,
for you taught me how important it is for me to give my child
a beautiful mirror in which they can reflect upon themselves

Thank you Mom...

For telling me I would never amount to anything,
for you gave me my tenacious ability to succeed at whatever I do

Thank you Mom...

For depending on me to raise my little brothers,
for you taught me how to take care of others

Thank you Mom...

For making it necessary for me to take care of
you when you were falling down drunk,

for you taught me
compassion for the weakness in others

Thank you Mom...

For allowing others to abuse me,
for you taught me how important it is for me to always be there
to defend and take care of my children

Thank you Mom...

For never being there when I needed you,
for you taught me how important it was for me to offer my
children a shoulder to lean on

Thank you Mom...

For your attempts at suicide,
for you taught me how life can be taken from us in an instant

Thank you Mom....

For your constant screaming and yelling,
for you taught me how important calm and gentle words are
to another

Thank you mom....

For never offering me the loving circle of your arms,
for you taught me how important it was to hug my children tight

Thank you mom for all of these things,
for you have made me the Woman I am today and I am proud of her.....

byİCheri

My Mother's Burden

My first childhood memory
Was when I was four,
Parts are all hazy
But of this I am sure:

I was sitting in the tub
You were giving me a bath,
It was summer, the window was open, and
I still remember your wrath.

I remember seeing your face
So close, so clear
The water was cooling off
And to this day I still hear

Those very words you said to me
So angry!! So mean!!
'I wish you were never born'
as you scrubbed my face clean.

What a terrible burden to place
On a child so very small
That has since grown up and
Wondering if she had any value at all.

byİCheri

INFORMATION

April signifies Child Abuse Awareness Month.  In 1999, it was estimated
that 1,070,000 children were substantiated as victims of child abuse and
neglect, a rate of 15 of every 1,000.  Almost half (46%) of all
substantiated
cases were children who were victims of neglect.

In order to protect our children from abuse and neglect, we must begin
in our own community.  We must become informed citizens and be able
to recognize signs of abuse and neglect.  Then we must alert the appropriate
professionals who will intervene on the child's behalf. As informed citizens
we CAN help prevent child abuse and neglect.

Remember:

DISCIPLINE helps a child learn a lesson that will carry over and
positively affect future behavior. ABUSE affects the future in a negative
way, leading to anger, hatred and more deviant behavior.

DISCIPLINE enhances the child's sense of self worth, helping the
child learn self-control and thus becoming comfortable within the
family and in society. ABUSE robs the child of self worth and causes
him/her to feel outcast and resentful.

DISCIPLINE is not shame or guilt. ABUSE is shame or guilt which
satisfies the needs of the parents at the moment and destroys the self
image of the child in a hostile manner.

DISCIPLINE is taught by example. But so is abuse!

Adapted from Child Discipline: Guidelines for Parents by Gary May.


The National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse defines a
NEGLECTED CHILD as a child less than 18 years of age whose
physical, mental or emotional condition has been impaired or is in
danger of becoming impaired as a result of the failure of the child's
legal guardian to exercise a minimum degree of care in supplying
the child with adequate food, shelter, education or medical care.
NEGLECT also occurs when the legal guardian fails to provide the
child with proper supervision or guardianship by allowing the child
to be harmed, or to be at risk of harm which includes when the
guardian themselves misuses drugs or alcohol.

Observable Indicators:
~ dirty skin, offensive body odor
~ unwashed, uncombed hair
~ tattered, under- or oversized unclean clothing
~ dressed in clothing that is inappropriate to weather or situation
~ frequently left unsupervised or alone for periods of time - this is
the most frequent cause of child death and should not be minimized

Physical Indicators:
~ drowsiness, easily fatigued
~ bruises, lacerations or cuts that are unhealed, infected and untreated
~ illness and physical complaints not responded to by a parent

Indicators of Malnutrition:
~ frequently hungry, begging for or stealing food
~ gorging self, eating quickly in large gulps and quantities
~ obesity, overeating junk foods

Indicators in Infants and Toddlers:
~ shows listlessness, poor responsiveness
~ does not often smile, cry, laugh, play
~ has blank affect and a marked inability to relate to others
~ lacks interest, curiosity
~ has been hospitalized for failure to thrive - regresses upon return to
home

Indicators in Children:
~ comes to school without breakfast
~ has no lunch money
~ needs dental care, glasses
~ falls asleep in class, often seems in a fog or dream world
~ is frequently absent or late for school
~ has unattended physical problems and medical needs

Family and Parental Indicators:
~ promise but do not follow up on recommendations, fail to keep
appointments and/or refuse help from school or other resources
~ have a history of abuse or neglect as a child
~ have a disorganized, chaotic home life
~ have a history of chronic illness
~ give impression of resignation and feeling that nothing makes
much difference anyway
~ present a pattern of chronic or periodic substance abuse
~ leave children unsupervised - this is the most frequent cause of
child death and should not be minimized

Any ONE of these indicators could be attributable to a specific life
event or trauma. A PATTERN of behavior is the strongest indicator
of NEGLECT and should not be ignored.


The National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse defines
EMOTIONAL ABUSE as a pattern of behavior that attacks a child's
emotional  development and sense of self-worth.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE includes excessive, aggressive or
unreasonable demands that place expectations on a child beyond
his or her  capacity.  Constant criticizing, belittling, insulting,
rejecting
and teasing are some of the forms these verbal attacks can take.
EMOTIONAL ABUSE also includes failure to provide the psychological
nurturing necessary for a child's emotional growth and development -
providing no love, support or guidance.

Behavioral Indicators in Children:
~ makes negative statements about self
~ shows lag in physical, mental and emotional development
~ demonstrates antisocial or self-destructive behavior such as
alcohol or drug abuse, delinquency (e.g. thefts, assaults, probation),
runaway behavior, or attempted suicide
~ develops habit disorders such as sucking, biting, rocking
~ shows neurotic traits such as sleep disorders or inhibition of play

Family or Parental Indicators:
~ use sarcasm or `put down' child
~ are cold and rejecting
~ are indifferent to child's problems or welfare
~ withhold affection
~ show preferential treatment when there is more than one child
in the family
~ have pattern of persistent or periodic substance abuse

Again, any ONE of these indicators could be attributable to a specific
life event or trauma. A PATTERN of behavior is the strongest indicator
of abuse and should not be ignored.


Why does this happen?
It occurs for many of the same reasons that physical abuse occurs.
Parents are vulnerable to becoming involved in this behavior if the
stress in their lives build up or if they are unable to manage these
stresses. They may also have the inability to understand and deal
with their children.  This can be caused by mental retardation,
psychopathology, alcoholism, or drug abuse.  The parent may
not fully understand the needs of their children. Or, the abuser's
goal may be to control.

Nevertheless, a single factor may not lead to abuse, but in combination
they can create the social and emotional pressures that lead to this abuse.
Specific types of problems that can create these pressures are social
problems that can contribute to family stress (such as unemployment,
poverty, isolation from relatives and friends, divorce, death, immature
parents),  health crises (illness of a family member, disability of a
family member, drug and alcohol abuse within the family), and mental
health problems (mental disability, depression).


What are the effects?
The consequences of emotional child abuse and neglect are serious
and can be long-term.   Many research studies conclude that
psychopathologic symptoms are more likely to develop in emotionally
abused and neglected children. These children may experience a
lifelong pattern of depression, estrangement, anxiety, low self-esteem,
inappropriate or troubled relationships, or a lack of empathy.

During their childhood, victims may fail to thrive or their developmental
progress may be halted. Some may also become poorly adjusted
emotionally and psychologically.  As teenagers, they find it difficult to
trust, or to participate in and achieve happiness from their interpersonal
relationships.  Many times they are unable to resolve the complex
feelings left over from their childhoods. As adults, they may have
trouble recognizing and appreciating the needs and feelings of their
own children.  Thus emotionally abuse or neglect them as well.

What can we do for the victims?
It is the caregiver's responsibility to report and NOT investigate
suspicions of child abuse. It is the child protection agency's
responsibility to investigate reports of any type of abuse. A
careful evaluation of those involved and the circumstances
surrounding the alleged abuse should be completed by
appropriate and skilled professionals.

What can be done to prevent it?
~ Health care professionals and concerned individuals need to
increase awareness for and education in EMOTIONAL CHILD
ABUSE and NEGLECT in the community and among parents.
~ Parents and guardians need to be encouraged to develop strong
attachments with their children and learn to express warmth
and positive regard for them.
~ Families have to be encouraged to form relationships with support
systems available to them.

In addition, more research in topics related to emotional child abuse
and parent-child relationships must be undertaken.   By becoming
informed citizens and keeping a watchful eye out, we will be able
to stop this horrendous crime from happening!

Let's all join hands and work together so that the month of April
will become "Child Abuse No Longer Exists" Month.

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