My December

By: Cindy

Lyrics from “My December” by Linkin Park

This is my December. This is my time of the year.

This is my December. This is all so clear.

This is my December. This is my snow covered home.

This is my December. This is me alone.

He stared blindly out the picture window. In the paling light of dusk, nothing could be seen but a vast expanse of white. He felt as if that blanket of white was enveloping him, pulling him under. Pulling him back into the memory.  

And I...

Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed.

And I...

Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that.

And I...

Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed.

And I...

Take back all the things that I said to you. 

**FLASHBACK** 

“Hey, honey, I’m home.” She called out to him. “Lance?” She wandered through the rooms of the house looking for him. When she saw the curtains shimmer from the caress of the breeze she knew where he had gone. He loved their balcony. He spent many an hour there…thinking, meditating, relaxing, fuming. It was his spot. She peeped out the doorway and he was sitting on the chaise. Her heart still fluttered every time she saw him, especially when he didn’t know she was looking. Watching him from afar was one of her favorite things to do. She couldn’t believe he loved her and she thanked God every day for bringing him to her.  

She cleared her throat so he would know she was there. He didn’t look up as she moved to sit next to his legs on the chaise. Her hand brushed his outer thigh as she leaned over him to look into his face.  

“Hey, baby, what’s wrong? Something happen at the studio today? You don’t look happy.” He said nothing and still wouldn’t look at her. “You’re scaring me, Lance.”  

He finally turned his head to look into her eyes. She had never seen such a cold, blank stare looking back at her. A chill ran up her spine.  

“I want you to pack your things, whatever you can carry, and get out of my house.” His deep voice was almost a whisper. 

“W-what?” Her voice caught in her throat.  

“You heard me. I want you out as soon as possible. Leave the keys to the house and the cars on the bar when you go.” 

“Lance, what is going on? Talk to me. What did I do?” 

“You know fucking good and well what you did.” He got up from the chair and went into the house.  

She inhaled a ragged breath and stood on shaky legs. He wasn’t in the bedroom when she went back inside. Tears poured down her cheeks as she searched him out once again.  

He was in the den, looking at the pictures of them that were scattered across the mantel. When her hand touched his shoulder he jumped slightly, then shrugged it away.  

“Lance, please. I don’t know what’s going on. I haven’t done anything wrong. I would never…” 

“Just shut the fuck up you piece of trash!!” His eyes blazed into hers. “You are nothing but a whore! You weren’t satisfied with using me and my money, you had to move on to others, and one of my so-called best friends, at that. Just get your lousy, good-for-nothing ass out of here NOW!” He turned around and swiped his hand across the mantel, knocking all the picture frames to the floor. She shuddered as they crashed onto the marble hearth below. 

She could hardly walk as she was sobbing uncontrollably. She managed to make it into the bedroom and pull a suitcase from the closet. She only packed a few things, determined she would get to the bottom of this and come back home. She sat on the edge of their bed and tried to compose herself. Deep cleansing breaths didn’t seem to do anything for the panic and heartbreak she felt inside. She pulled her keys from her purse and bit her lip as she worked at removing the house and car keys from the ring.  

Slowly she stood and looked around the bedroom one more time. She said a silent prayer that she’d be back soon. When she reached the bottom of the stairs she stopped and watched him again. He was staring out the window. She placed the keys on the coffee table and he turned when he heard the clink of the glass.  

“Your keys.” She stated firmly. “Lance, I don’t know what you think I did, but just remember I loved you with everything in me. Leaving was not my idea.” She quickly called a taxi on her cellphone, then left it on the coffee table next to the keys. He watched her pick up her suitcase and walk out the front door.  

“I love you, too.” He whispered as the door closed.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“Hey, man, where’s Cindy?” Justin asked as he walked into the club with JC.  

“I dunno. Haven’t heard from her today. Actually, I’ve been trying to get in touch with her for the past couple of days to make sure she didn’t need any help with the the last-minute arrangements. I can’t get her at the house or on her cellphone.” JC said. 

“It’s not like her to not be all over us wanting everything to be perfect for Lance.” Justin rolled his eyes as he spoke.  

“I know. I hope everything’s okay.”  

When they entered the private party room of the club they stopped dead in their tracks. There were no decorations. No food tables were set up. Nothing.  

“What the hell is going on?” JC said. He pulled out his cellphone and tried her again. “Voice mail. Just her fucking voice mail. Now I’m worried.”  

Guests began arriving and everyone was confused as to why nothing was set up for a party. JC tried calling Joey. He was to bring Lance to the club. His phone was probably turned off. All he got was voice mail there, too.  

“Shit! Should we just blow this whole surprise and call Lance?” JC asked Justin.  

“Nah, man. They’ll be here in a few minutes. We’ll just ask when he gets here.”  

“Alright.” JC sighed and ran a hand over his wavy hair.  

“He’s coming!” A girl yelled from the doorway. They turned out the lights and waited for Lance to enter.  

“SURPRISE!!” They all yelled as the lights came up.  

JC was certain he had never seen Lance look more surprised. When the crowd around him thinned, JC and Justin approached him to check on Cindy. 

“Hey, man, where’s Cindy? She was gonna spend all day here setting up the party to end all parties. I can’t get her on her phone either, is she okay?” 

Lance was white as a sheet. “She…she doesn’t have her phone…” He mumbled. 

“Did it break? What up, man, you can get her a new one, ya know.” Justin teased, then realized something was wrong. “Lance?” He waved his hand in front of Lance’s eyes. 

Lance finally broke out of his trance and looked at JC. “You…you were helping her with this party?” 

“Of course, dude. We all were. Man, you won’t believe all the secret phone calls, quick hang-ups when you walked into the room. You’re a hard guy to plan a surprise party for.” JC clapped him on the back.  

“Oh, shit. I gotta go.” Lance ran out of the room.  

“Lance, wait! What the fuck is going on?” Justin whined.  

“It ain’t good, whatever it is.” JC said. 

**END FLASHBACK** 

And I'd, give it all away, just to have somewhere to go to.

Give it all away, to have someone to come home to.

This is my December. This is my snow covered tree.

This is me pretending. This is all I need.

Lance had not been able to locate her since that night. He tried all her friends, her family, everyone. Either they weren’t telling, or they truly didn’t know. Maybe she went away for a while and would be back. Maybe. It’s been seven months… 

This is my December. This is my time of the year.

This is my December. This is all so clear.

The End

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