I’ll Be There
By: AmyK
Author’sNote: I know the timeline of events
(their first album/tour/leavingTransCon) are not accurate. Then again, this is
fiction.
One more note:: This story is sad. If you don't
want to read a tearjerker - then please back out of the story now.
(… from Lances point of view…)
“Guys,
you know I wouldn’t ask you to do this if… if I didn’t really mean it.” Justin said softly, after we had all
gathered around the small table in his hotel room.
“We know.” JC
nodded and picked at his fingernails.
“This is just um…” He stopped as tears welled up in
his eyes and his bottom lip quivered.
“This is just too much right now, and I need to be home.” Two tears escaped, and he quickly brushed
them away.
“Yeah…” Joey reached over and patted Justin’s back,
like a big brother would. “You doing
okay?”
“I’m okay.”
Justin whispered, though it was clear he wasn’t.
“How’s Clyde holding up?” I asked gently, using our nickname for his wife, Claudia.
“She’s a real trouper. You know how she is.”
Justin smiled and wiped his eyes again.
“She um, she still doesn’t want us to cancel the tour or anything, but
you guys… I just… I mean this is it this time.” He covered his face with his hands as his body shook with sobs.
I grabbed a kleenex off the desk, my hand bumping
Chris’s as he too reached. “Don’t
worry about it man, we’ll take care of it.”
Chris said.
“I mean, it could be another couple months, you know,
after the tour’s over… but it could be… you know…” He sniffed and covered his
eyes again, “It could be real
soon. And I can’t not be there
anymore.”
“You don’t need to explain anything.” I said as I reached across the table to pat
his hand. “You’ll be home tomorrow, you
can be sure of that. We all will.” I glanced around the table as the others
nodded.
“Nsync
cancels the last 8 weeks of their US tour.” The
headlines read the next day, as we filed through the Cleveland airport on our
way to catch our flight home to Orlando.
When we got to Orlando, after a silent flight, we hugged each other good
bye and promised to call later that night.
Then we piled into separate cars and headed to our own homes. Justin had the longest trip of all of us…
I
suppose I should start at the beginning.
Claudia, or Clyde as we call her, is Justin’s wife. Yes, I know he’s a bit young to be married,
but I’m getting there. Over the last
couple years, four life changing events occurred in Justin and Claudia’s lives,
first Claudia got pregnant, then she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, then
the cancer went into remission and finally, Justin married her… in that
order. Her cancer was considered gone
almost 2 years ago, but-
Wait,
actually, to get the whole story we need to go back even further, back to when
it all started… about 5 years ago…
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Five
years ago we were pretty much just starting out as Nsync. We were still with Lou Perlman, and were
spending a lot of time at his Orlando home.
The first time we met Claudia, she was jumping on her trampoline next
door to Lou’s house. We’d catch a
glimpse of her dark brown hair flying through the air on her decent.
“Hey Claudia, come on over here! I got a new band I want you to meet!” Lou shouted over the thick cream colored
wall.
“What?” She
asked as she stopped bouncing and walked up to the wall.
“Come on over, I need some help prepping these
boys.” Lou laughed.
“Okay.” She
laughed and within a couple seconds had hauled herself over the wall, scraping
her knee in the process.
Now… we were pretty young ourselves, Justin being the
“kid” at age 16, but she looked even younger than he did. We weren’t sure what to think of her. We stood there in Lous backyard in our warm
up pants and t-shirts, just watching her fling her hair up into a messy bun
with a neon orange scrunchie. She was a
little on the chubby side with braces, wearing cut off jean shorts and a
souvenir T-shirt from Las Vegas.
“Okay guys, this is Claudia, she lives next door and
she’s my official band prepper. You’ll
be facing her for questions like a mock interview, and you’ll be performing for
her, as if she was your audience. After
all, she’s right it your target group.”
Lou laughed and draped his arm over Claudia’s shoulders. “Claud, this is Nsync, my newest
creation.” He beamed, as Chris rolled
his eyes. “Justin, JC, Lance, Joey and
Chris.” He introduced us in order.
“Hi.” We
waved lamely, still not sure of this whole “creation” thing.
“Hi.” She
smiled and waved, locking her eyes on JC as she ducked away from Lou. “So what do you want me to do this
time?”
“Just watch.”
Lou said as he lead the way back into his house and down to the
makeshift dance studio on the bottom floor.
We got ourselves situated and Lou started the music for what would be
our first single. We methodically went
through the moves, very aware that for the first time, a pair of foreign eyes
were on us.
At the end of the song, Lou and the choreographer
walked up to us and asked, “If you
can’t handle performing in front of one girl, how are you going to manage
10,000 of them?”
“You guys looked pitiful.” Scott, the choreographer shook his head.
We immediately resented having this new intruder get
us in trouble. At least that’s how we
saw it. She hung around for the rest of
the day, laying on a work out mat with her chin in her hands, tapping her foot
to the beat against the mirror. She
didn’t really make any comments about our dancing, which is good; I don’t know
how that would have gone over. But Lou
was right, dancing by ourselves in front of a mirror and our choreographer was
one thing, having an outsider there, really made a difference.
The next week we were preparing for the interview
sessions that were coming up soon, with the release of our first album. Mark, or PR person was helping us out, and
we got real comfortable with him firing questions at us. Then out of no where, we walked in to see
Claudia sitting in Marks chair, wearing a purple one piece bathing suit and a
pair of jean shorts. Bright yellow
flip-flops hung off her feet as she swung them under the chair.
“What… what’s going on?” JC asked as we walked into the room.
“Claudia is going to help us. You’re used to Mark, let’s see how you do
with a real stranger.” Lou explained.
“But Lou…”
Justin started.
“But what?
Let’s go.”
We walked up tot he chairs beside Claudia and sat
down. “Hi.” Joey smiled at Claudia as we made ourselves comfortable.
“Hi.” She
giggled. “Are you guys ready?”
“Yeah.” Chris
mumbled.
“Okay, I just have a couple questions for you
guys.” She smiled. “Um, do any of you have girlfriends?” She blushed from her toes up and
concentrated on her index cards.
I looked at Lou, was he serious? “Um, no, I don’t.” I said.
“I date, but I mean, you know, nothing serious.” Joey said nervously.
“I’m dating Gwen Stafani.” Chris smiled, and we all laughed.
“Justin?”
Claudia asked.
“Oh, no I don’t have a girl friend anymore.”
“I just recently broke up with my girlfriend.” JC said.
“Oh really?”
Claudia asked, a hopeful look in her eyes.
“Yeah.” JC
shifted in his seat uncomfortably.
“Hmm, okay.
What do you guys like to do when you’re not performing?” She asked.
The questions went on for the next half hour, and soon we were getting
comfortable with her.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
But
she was always around. Every
time we’d go to Lous, she’d be hanging out by the pool, or playing one of the
pinball machines. She’d follow us
around, making puppy dog eyes at JC the entire time. I could tell it was getting on his nerves. It was only a matter of time before he
snapped at her.
I finally got around to
asking Lou what her deal was, and he explained that she lived next door with
her dad and her step mom, who was only 5 years older than Claudia. She was left home alone all the time, and
Lou felt bad for her. He’d sort of
become her Uncle Lou, kind of like he did for us.
That made it a bit
clearer, but none of us really liked her being around all the time. She was a kid, she was a teenybopper, and
she was annoying.
“So you were really on the Mickey Mouse Club?” She asked JC once, while we were doing
another mock interview.
“Yeah, for a couple years. Justin and I both were.”
He smiled.
“That’s so cool.”
She practically gushed at him.
It was painfully obvious that she had it bad for our man JC. He was less than pleased.
“Why can’t she have a crush on Justin, he’s closer to
her age.” JC grumbled as we piled into
the van that would take us back to our own homes.
“No way man, don’t pawn her off on me.” Justin shook his head and held up his hands.
“Well she’s getting annoying.” JC said.
“Getting?”
Chris laughed.
“I swear, when we were
practicing today I could feel her staring at me, and every time I’d look over
at her she’d just smile and wave. Ugh.”
“But hey, that’s what the fans will be doing.” Joey imitated Lou.
“Yeah but then they’ll be staring at all of
us.” He sighed.
“JC and Claudia sitting in a tree… K-I-S-S-I-N-G…
first comes love-“ Chris started to
sing, but JC shut him up by throwing his jacket over the back of the seat and
smacking Chris with it.
“Shut up.” JC
smiled and turned back around in his seat.
“Then comes marriage…” Chris continued softly.
“Dude Chris, he’s going to slap you one of these
days.” I laughed.
“I’d like to see him try. Come on tough guy, you wanna piece of me?” Chris egged him on playfully. Then, quicker than lightning, JC turned
around and slapped Chris upside the head, then turned back around before anyone
could say anything. “Damn… he’s a quick
little bugger.” Chris laughed and
rubbed his head.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
But she didn’t go away. When we played our first big concert at Disneyworld in Orlando,
she was there. Right up front, making
gaga eyes at JC. Somehow, JC managed to
block her out and perform as good as we all knew he could, but after the show,
she came back to see us.
“Oh my God!
You guys were amazing! You’re so
much better than you were in the basement at Uncle Lous! I mean wow!
My friends aren’t going to believe I’m friends with you guys, oh they’re
all just going to die. Just die! My friend Beth is out there, but I couldn’t
bring her back. Oh she’s going to
freak.” Claudia laughed and bounced
around us as we tried to cool down and relax.
“Hey Claudia, not now.” JC said sternly.
I could see the flicker of pain in her eyes as she
stopped bouncing and said, “Oh,
okay. Well, I guess I’ll just see you
guys tonight at Lous.” She said softly,
her smile falling.
“Yeah, we’ll see you there Claud.” I smiled.
“Okay, bye.”
She waved as she tossed her long hair over her shoulder and adjusted the
strap of her tank top. When she was
safely around the corner, JC sighed.
“Jeez, JC, you didn’t have to be so mean.” Justin said as he wiped his face with his
towel and began to walk away. Justin
and I were the only two who actually treated her nice.
“Ease up, Curly.
Just wait till she’s coo-coo for you.”
JC shook his head and headed for our dressing room. “Do we have to go to the party at Lous
tonight?” He asked me as we walked down
the hall.
“Um, yeah, I think it’d be bad if we didn’t go. It’s our party.”
“Ugh…” JC
groaned as he pushed the dressing room door open. I sighed, then followed him in.
At the party, Claudia was back to being Claudia. She brought a couple of her friends over to
the party and they walked around gawking at us. It was kind of annoying, but like Lou said, this was nothing
compared to what we were going to be faced with.
Joey spent the better portion of the night hitting on
Claudia’s friend, Irene, until Lou informed him that she was only 14. That put an end to that. I sat back and watched from one of the many
couches around Lou’s house. I wasn’t a
big party animal, and still aren’t for that matter.
It wasn’t hard to keep track of Claud, just look for
JC, and she was sure to be within a 5-foot radius of him. I could definitely see how that’d get
annoying. He finally ended up retreating
to a private room upstairs, to escape the Claudia Monster, as he called her.
She hung around for about an hour, trying to hide the
fact that she was looking for JC, but when she couldn’t track him down, she
left through the back door. I followed
her out, and caught up with her in time to see her scale the fence into her own
back yard, and cross the dew covered grass, silently. I sighed and went back in to the party.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She hung around for the next couple months as things
really started to pick up for us. We
were working on putting together a US tour, and were gracing more and more
covers of teen magazines, it really was a lot of fun.
In September right before school started, Claudia was
watching us dance, as usual. When we
were done, she came over to us and said,
“Hey, you know what next Tuesday is?”
“Hmm?” Joey
asked.
“My birthday.
I’m going to be 16.” She grinned
from ear to ear.
“Really? Well
happy birthday.” Justin smiled and gave
her a hug.
“Well… I was wondering if you guys would like to
come. I mean, my dad is going to be
home this weekend and he said I could have some friends over, and I thought
maybe you guys would like to come over.
We’re going to have a bar-b-cue and everything.” She continued, looking directly at JC. “I’m going to ask some girls from school if
they want to come too. There’s going to
be lots of people.”
“Oh, um, Claudia, you know we’re really busy.” Chris said as nicely as possible.
“And since we’re planning the tour and everything, I
don’t know if we’re going to have time.”
JC explained.
“Well if you have some time on Saturday, come on
over. It’s going to be a lot of
fun.” She laughed, then waved as she
headed home.
“Whatever…”
JC sighed.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
By that weekend we had completely forgotten about
Claudia’s birthday party. We showed up
at Lous shortly after 2:00, and we were running behind schedule. We were having a promo photo shoot done in
Lou’s backyard, for our tour book. We
changed into matching suits and stepped out into the backyard where we sat on a
short retaining wall and posed.
When we were done, Joey and Chris headed back inside
to change into “regular” clothes, while JC, Justin and I hung around out back,
talking about how our families were dealing with our seemingly sudden fame.
“My moms had to change her phone number twice.” Just complained. “I don’t know how they keep getting the number.”
“Friends at the phone company.” I laughed.
“Hey Lance, have your parents said anything more about moving out here?” JC asked.
“Not really, I think-“ I was interrupted by Claudia, poking her head over the fence.
“Hi guys!”
“Oh man…” JC
said under her breath.
“Hi Claud.”
Justin said.
“Hi Claudia.”
I smiled.
“Hey are you guys coming over?” She smiled and brushed her bangs off her
forehead.
“Not today Claudia.”
JC squished up his nose as he squinted in the sun.
“It’s my birthday party, did you guys forget?”
“Oh man, we sure did. I’m sorry Claud.” I said
sincerely.
“That’s okay, when you guys are done over here, you
can still come over.” Her face
disappeared from view and JC rolled his eyes.
“Man, she’s like a gnat.” Justin sighed. “She’s not
a pain, she’s just always in the way.”
“You guys should be nicer to her. She helped us in the beginning.” I argued.
“Lance, you’ve lost it.” JC laughed.
We hung out at Lous a little longer that afternoon,
going over more tour plans and having an early dinner. Lou was the one to bring Claudia up
again, “She’s leaving in 3 weeks for
California, to go live with her mom.”
“She is?”
Chris asked. “For how long?”
“I don’t know.
She just told me she was leaving.”
Lou said. “So she’ll be out of
your hair.”
“Finally.”
Joey laughed.
“She’s really a good kid.” Lou said slowly.
“Yeah but that’s just it, she’s a kid.” Justin added.
“Are you serious?
You guys are ‘kids’ you know that right?” Lou smiled. “Well,
regardless, she’s out of your hair for a while. She leaves in three weeks, and you guys go on tour a month after
that. You won’t need to worry about
Claudia.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The day she was supposed to leave, she came over to
say goodbye. “I’ll come see you guys
when you’re in LA. Lou’s already said
he’d give me tickets and passes and stuff.”
She grinned.
“Cool, then we’ll see you then.” I smiled from my position at the end of the
couch.
“Cool.” She
tossed her long hair over her shoulder and shifted her weight from foot to
foot. “Um, JC, can I talk to you?” She asked nervously. She hadn’t appeared nervous at all, until
then. I had a feeling I knew what was
coming.
“Hmm?
Sure.” He put down his Gameboy
and followed Claudia outside.
“I just wanted to tell you, before I left, that I
really um... I really like you.” She
said quickly, keeping her eyes on the flagstone path by the pool.
“Claudia… come on.”
JC said, trying not to laugh.
“You know that would never work.
You’re just a kid, I’m way too old for you. And we’ll be gone on tour and everything. Besides, you’re like a sister, like a little
sister. And I can’t stand the sisters I
have.”
“But I’m going to see you while you’re on the road,
and we can call each other, and I won’t be this young forever.” She said, hopefully.
“It’s not gonna work Claud.” He shook his head. “You and me… it’s just never gonna happen. Let it go.”
He turned and went back inside, leaving her standing by the tall wall,
bordering her house. She sat on the
bench beside the wall and watched as her tears left shiny puddles at her feet.
“Woo hoo, go JC.”
Joey laughed as JC came back into the room.
“Shut up Fatone.”
JC grumbled before he reached into the fridge for a soda.
“What’d she say?”
Justin asked, trying to contain his laughter.
He raised his voice a notch and mimicked her, “We can call each other all the time, and I
can come out and see you and I really like you JC. Really!” He laughed.
“Jesus.”
Justin rolled his eyes.
“And what did you say?” Chris asked.
“I told her - look honey, t’ain’t gonna happen, get
over it.” Justin fell on the couch
laughing and JC took a sip of his soda.
“Where is she?”
I asked.
“I don’t know.
She’s still out there I guess.”
JC shrugged.
“JC, you should go apologize. She was just being honest with you.” I said.
“I know, but what was I gonna say? She’s what? 15? For crying out loud.”
“Well you could have said it with some tact.” I frowned.
“If you love her so much, why don’t you go profess
your undying devotion to her. I’m sure
she’s still out there.” Joey laughed.
“I don’t love her.”
I sighed. “But you guys don’t
have to be so mean.” I got up to get
myself another drink.
“Oh I think Lancey-poo has a little wittle
crushiekins on Claudia…Danielle… Scharber.”
Chris teased him, all the guys joining in on the pronunciation of her
full name.
“Knock it off.”
I laughed and threw a pillow at Chris’s head. “I do not.”
“Yeah whatever Bass.” JC sat back on the couch.
I don’t know when he started calling us all by our last names, but that
was annoying.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
JC never did go apologize, and we left for our tour
almost 2 months later. It was so rushed
and so draining, that we all but forgot about Claudia until we got to LA. “Hey, you think the gnat will be at the show
tonight?” Justin asked.
“The gnat?” Joey
asked, confused.
“Claudia.”
Justin answered. “Remember, she
moved to LA.”
“Oh yeah. I
don’t know. I haven’t heard anything
from her at all since we left.” Joey
shrugged.
“Hmm, I guess we’ll see.” Justin smiled.
“Maybe that’s why it’s seemed so calm around here…
she’s not running around asking us to come see her new chinchilla or whatever.”
“Guinea pig.”
Chris answered as he walked by.
“Stanley the guinea pig.”
“Why do you know that?” I asked, laughing.
“I don’t know.
Funny, the things that stick in your head, huh?” He laughed, and kept on walking.
Claudia didn’t show up
at the show that night, and whether or not the other guys noticed, I did. It still bugged me the way JC left things
with her. He should have apologized,
but that couldn’t be changed now. I
figured we’d probably never see her again, and left it at that.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
We
wrapped up our tour a couple months later and headed back to Orlando for some
much needed rest and relaxation. After
a month off, we were back in the studio to start work on a Christmas album,
which was released at the beginning of September. Not long after the release, I was on my way to Joey’s, trying to
keep a low profile in my new black jeep.
Out of nowhere I saw a girl waving frantically at me from the car behind
me. I sighed, and kept driving, I
wasn’t in the mood for fans at the moment.
I’d just spent the better part of the last year catering to them, all I
wanted was a week… just one week, of solitude.
She continued to wave, and then added a honk in every
couple yards, as if I hadn’t noticed her yet.
Rather than bring extra attention to myself by driving through Orlando
with a crazy girl leaning out her car window and honking at me, I pulled
over. I took a deep breath before
taking my sunglasses off and stepping out of my car. “Hey, I don’t know what you’re-“
She cut me off,
“Lance! My gosh I haven’t seen
you in so long.” She ran over and tried
to hug me. I took a step back as her
chin length hair breezed by my shoulder.
“Excuse me?”
I asked.
“Lance, it’s me.”
She laughed. “Claudia.”
“Claud?? My
Gosh, look at you!” I stood back to get
a better look. She’d grown a couple
inches, lost a little weight, got rid of the braces and chopped her hair
off. “You look… all grown up.” I laughed, and pulled her in for a hug.
“I am all grown up. I graduated High school early you know, last year. And I’m 17 now, last week.” She laughed back. “I didn’t know you guys were in town, are you still over at Lou’s
all the time?” She tucked her hair
behind her ear, and we continued to stand on the side of the road.
“Yeah, pretty much.
We’ve actually got the next couple weeks off, before we get back to
work.” I smiled. “Hey, I’m on my way to Joeys, you wanna
come?”
“Are you sure?
I know he didn’t like me much.
None of you did, I’m sure.”
“Nah, you were okay.” I blushed, remembering the jokes we’d tell about her.
“No I wasn’t.”
She laughed. “But I’d love to
go, to see you all again. My dad
doesn’t live next door to Lou any more, so I won’t be able to just jump over
the fence now.”
“Where are you living now? I know you went to live with your mom last year.”
“Yeah, well that didn’t work out.” She shrugged. “That was a real bad situation, but anyway, I’m back here now,
I’m going to college and working at Starbucks right by the campus part time.”
“That’s cool, do you live on campus?” I asked.
“No, I have my own little place over off
Jackson? Right there near the new movie
theater.”
“Oh, right.. that’s cool, that’s actually not far
from Joeys.” I smiled and played with
my keys. “Wow, I just can’t get over
how much you’ve changed.”
“It happens you know.” She smiled flirtatiously as the breeze blew her hair across her
face. She pushed it back behind her ear
and nodded back towards her car, “So…
did you want me to follow you?”
“Hmm? Oh, to
Joeys, right. Yeah, that’s fine.” I snapped out of my daze. “Sure.”
“Okay.” She
laughed and headed back to her car. I
got in and started my jeep, but I couldn’t get the image of her out of my
head. Where had she come from?
We pulled up at Joey’s house a couple minutes later,
and I lead the way up the walk. When
Joey opened the door, he was surprised to see a girl standing there beside
me. He looked like he had just woke up,
and was no where near dressed to impress.
“Whoa, hey Lance.”
He said as he ran his fingers through his hair. “You didn’t tell me you were bringing
Kat.” He said, mentioning my
girlfriend, he had yet to meet. Dammit,
that’s right. I had a girl friend.
“This isn’t Kat.”
I said slowly. Claudia walked
past Joey and into the house.
She looked around the entryway and said, “Wow Joey, I never figured you for an
architecture lover. Nice hair, by the
way.”
Joey gave me a confused look, and I just
laughed, “Who’s she?” he asked.
“Claudia.” I
whispered.
“Clau-“ he
stopped, the realization hitting him.
“Claudia?!”
“Yeah?” She
stopped and turned around.
“Little bratty annoying Claudia with the skinned
knees and braces?” Joey laughed. “No way.”
“Way.” She
laughed. “Gosh, have I really changed that much?”
“Yeah, I’ll say.”
Joey looked her over, his eyes lingering on her chest. I nudged him back to reality and he
said, “Damn, I’ll bet JC’s sorry
now.” This time I kicked him in the
shins.
She laughed softly and said, “Man, was that crazy or what? Like I actually thought a 20 year old would
go for me.” She rolled her eyes. “No, don’t worry. He broke my heart, but I’m over that now. Way over it.”
“Yeah but still.”
Joey said, looking her over again.
This could be trouble.
“Hey what’s all the commotion about out here?” Justin asked as he rounded the corner from
the kitchen into the entry. He was
wearing his Carolina blue basketball
shorts and matching jersey.
“Hey Justin.”
Claudia turned around to face him.
“Hi…” he
studied her face. “Claud?” She nodded and laughed. “Wow, look at you.” He looked over from head to toe, and back
up.
“Well look at you, you’re taller than me
now.” She laughed.
“I was always taller than you.”
“I don’t think so pal. If so, then not by much.”
“Yeah whatever.”
He smiled as he gave her a hug, he stood a good four inches over her
now. “So what are you doing
here?” He just couldn’t take his eyes
off her.
“I spotted Lance on the highway and flagged him down,
and he lead me here.” She smiled.
“Cool, well we’re just going to chill here today,
shoot some hoops and stuff like that.
You wanna hang?” Justin asked.
“I have class at three, but I can stay till then, is
that okay?” She asked Joey.
“Yeah.” He
nodded. “But I need to get
dressed.” He took the stairs two at a
time, while the three of us went out to the back yard to get caught up.
We all chatted for a bit, then Joey started playing
with the basketball at his feet. That
was usually enough to get Justin in the B-Ball frame of mind, but not that
day. Justin just sat there staring at
Claudia, asking all kinds of questions, more than just ‘catching up’
questions.
Joey and I ended up playing a little one on one,
while the “kids” played 20 questions on the patio. Finally, at almost 5:00p, Claudia remembered she had class to go
to.
“Oh shit, I’ve totally missed my class.” She stood up and grabbed for her purse.
“What time is it over?” Justin asked as he stood up from the table.
“Crap… six.”
She stopped moving and sat down.
“I’ll never make it.” She
sighed.
“Can you make it up?” Joey asked as he walked over and sat the ball on the ground by
Justin’s feet.
“Yeah, it’s just a lab. But still, I don’t like missing class.” She frowned.
“Well hey, if you’ve already missed it, you should
just stay here for dinner. I’m going to
call Chris and JC and have them come over for a cook out, how does that
sound?” Joey asked. At the mention of JC’s name I saw Claudia’s
smile twitch, but she nodded anyway.
Maybe she wasn’t totally over him yet.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
She sat back in the chair and sighed.
“I can’t believe I missed my class.”
We picked up a little and got the grill ready, so
when the others showed up, we were ready to start. Chris walked in as Joey and I were dousing the grill bricks with
lighter fluid to get it started. He walked
straight back to the backyard and helped himself to a soda from the cooler by
the door. “Hi, I’m Chris, you must be
Kat.”
“You’d think so, huh?” Claudia smiled. “I’ve
been mistaken for her twice today, but I’m sorry, I’m not.”
“Heather?”
He asked. She shook her
head. “Amanda?” She shook her head again. “Julie?”
“No.” She
shook her head again, and laughed.
“Hey Claudia, quit torturing the boy.” I shouted from the basketball court where
the grill was set up.
“Ahh, hi Claudia, it’s nice to meet you.”
“Well, it’s nice to see you again,
Chris.” She smiled and shook his hand.
“We’ve met?”
he asked.
“Quite a few times.
I guess since I don’t have Stanley with me, you don’t recognize
me.” Claudia laughed.
“Stanley?” He
gave her a look, then his eyes flew open.
“Shut up. You’re that
Claud?”
“Oh come on you guys, I can’t possibly look that
different.”
“You do, you totally do.” Chris laughed. “Wow, I
never thought we’d see you again.”
“I never thought I’d see you guys either.” She laughed and looked toward the door as JC
walked in.
“Hey hey y’all, let the par-tay begin!” he shouted as he came out to the backyard
carrying a grocery bag full of snacks.
“Hi JC.”
Claudia said softly, catching his eye as he walked past her.
“Hi…” he
said, sounding stunned.
“Claudia.”
Chris leaned over and whispered loudly in JC’s ear.
“I know.” JC
threw Chris a look. “It’s uh, it’s been
a while, how are you?”
“I’m good, you?”
She asked, keeping her poise.
“I’m… we’re all good.” He looked around at the rest of us.
“I’m glad to hear it.” She smiled, and when he didn’t say anything she said, “Come on, the grills almost ready.” And hopped down the steps to where we were
standing. JC followed close behind, not saying a word.
While we hung out that night, JC looked almost
ashamed and hardly said a word all night, which is unusual for him. Justin pretty much played puppy dog to
Claudia all evening, what a role reversal.
As we were leaving, Justin asked for her number, and she gave it to him,
with a kind smile and a quick kiss on the cheek. Man… was that boy smitten.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It wasn’t long before Claudia became an almost
permanent fixture at our group get togethers, she and Justin started dating not
long after the fateful cook out in Joeys backyard. She got along pretty well with the other girlfriends, and they
liked her. It was a good time all
around.
We started having management problems a couple months
after that. As a group, we decided that
we were basically being screwed, and that we needed new representation. Claudia stuck by us through the entire court
battle and bad publicity. Kat left me
right after we broke off from Lou, which made sense, her striving band was
trying to get Lou to sign them. Having
me at her side would pretty much squelch any chances of that. Chris’s girlfriend was in the band with Kat,
so she left too. I guess that doesn’t
say much for our relationships, does it?
But Claudia was there, advising us on our rights (she
was best friends with a law student – yay!) and helping us out emotionally. By the time all of that garbage was settled,
she and Justin had been dating for just about a year. She was still living in her little homey apartment, but for as
much time as she spent at Justin’s, she might as well have been living there.
Before jumping into a new management pool, we decided
to start work on a new album. One we
could work with, and put together our selves.
On the first scheduled day of recording, Justin showed up almost an hour
late.
“Dude, not cool.”
Chris said as Justin rushed in.
“You guys.
Claudia is pregnant.” He said
quickly as he dropped into a chair in the producers booth.
“What?!” JC
asked as he ran into the room. “Justin,
you’ve got to be kidding. Please
tell me you’re kidding.”
“I’m not. I
wish I was.” He held his head in his
hands. “Jesus… what am I going to do?”
“Well first off, are you sure?” I asked.
“Why do you think I’m late, Sherlock.” Justin snapped. “We’ve just spent the last hour at the doctors waiting for the
blood test results.”
“Oh man.” JC said softly.
“JC man, what am I going to do?” Justin asked, a look of true panic in his
eyes. “I can’t do this now. Not after the whole TransCon thing. This is the very last thing I
need right now.” He sighed and covered
his eyes with his arm. “Shit!”
“What does Clyde think of all this?” By then we had started calling her Clyde… I
don’t even know how that came to be, I think Chris started it when he was going
through that “everyone gets a new nickname” phase. I was Lop for a while.
Who knows… but Clyde stuck.
“I’m not 100% sure.”
Justin sighed. “I dropped her
off at my place and came right over.”
“Dude Justin, that’s kind of important don’t you
think?” Chris asked.
“Well yeah, but so is this.” Justin waved his hand at the soundboard.
“Not even close pal.
You’d better go talk to her before she starts jumping to conclusions and
hating you for something you haven’t even done yet.” I explained.
“JC?” Justin
asked, looking at JC like a scared kid.
Which is exactly what he was.
“Go, we’ll meet up here on Thursday like
planned.” JC stood up and rustled
Justin’s hair. “It’ll be okay. You’ll work this out.”
“Shit…” Justin said under his breath as he stood up
to leave.
“What? What’s
going on?” Joey asked, walking into the
studio with a juice box in one hand and a bag of pretzels in the other.
“Um, Clyde’s pregnant.” JC said softly.
“DAMN! Whoa,
what’s the kid gonna do?” Joey asked as
he set his drink down on the soundboard.
“I don’t know.”
JC picked up the juice box and handed it to Joey, “Not on the equipment.”
“So are we gonna do this today or no?” Joey asked.
“No.” JC
shook his head.
“Do you think we should do something?” I asked.
“What do you mean?”
Chris asked.
“I don’t know. I feel like we should do something. Call Claudia or something.” I shrugged.
“No, they need to work this out themselves.” JC said.
“Let’s go home and take a breather.
We’ll be back here Thursday.”
“Okay.” We
said, almost in unison. We left, with a
lot on our minds.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Can you tell us how far along she is?” Justin asked at their first doctors
appointment a couple weeks later.
“We’ll be able to tell a lot here in just a
second.” The doctor said as he spread
gel on Claudia's stomach.
Claudia reached for Justin’s hand, and squeezed it
hard as she took a deep breath. The
doctor ran the wand over Claudia’s midsection and watched the screen. It was a couple minutes before he stepped
back and said, “I’m sorry. This is an eptopic pregnancy.”
“What does that mean?” Justin asked.
“The embryo has implanted itself in the fallopian
tube, instead of in the uterus.” He
explained. “It’s not going to be a
viable pregnancy. I’m sorry.”
“So I’m going to lose the baby?” Claudia asked, with tears in her voice.
“We’re going to have to do a procedure to remove
it.” He explained carefully. “We’ll do what we can to save the fallopian
tube, but understand that we might have to remove it completely.”
“Does that mean I can’t have children?” Claudia’s voice shook and she squeezed
Justin’s hand tighter.
“Not at all.
It might be a little more difficult to conceive next time, because
taking away one fallopian tube is like halving your chances.” The doctor pointed to a little diagram.
“What if I don’t have this procedure?” She asked.
“It could rupture your fallopian tube and cause a
severe hemorrhage.”
“It could?”
She asked.
“This one will.”
He pointed to the diagram again.
“This pregnancy is here, more than halfway up the tube itself. If it were closer to the uterus, there might
be a chance it wouldn’t rupture.”
“So I have to have surgery?” She wiped her eyes on her sleeve and looked
at Justin, who hadn’t said a word.
“Yes.” The
doctor said. “As soon as possible.”
“Today.”
Justin finally spoke. “We can’t
go home and think about this for a week, it has to be today.”
“We’ll get her in as soon as possible.” The doctor said. “I’ll get your appointment.”
He left the room and Claudia fell apart in Justin’s arms.
“Justin why is this happening?” She cried into his chest, holding onto his
sleeves.
“I don’t know sweetie.” He stroked her hair.
“Maybe this is Gods way of saying we aren’t ready yet.” He kissed her temple.
“But then why do I have to lose my fallopian
tube? Am I never supposed to have
kids?” She sat back and wiper her
eyes. “I mean, what does this mean?”
“I don’t know sweetie, I don’t know.” Justin had never felt so helpless in his
life.
“I’m scared Justin, I don’t like hospitals. Will you stay with me?”
“Of course I will… of course I will. I won’t leave you alone, not for one
second. Not ever.” He kissed her forehead as the doctor came
back in the room.
“You can go ahead and take her upstairs and get her
checked in. She’d scheduled for surgery
today at 4:00.” He said.
“Will she have to stay overnight?” Justin asked.
“Yes, but she’ll be able to leave tomorrow
morning. She’s going to be just fine.”
“Okay.”
Justin said softly. “Let’s
go.” He helped Claudia get her stuff
together, then took her upstairs to check in.
Justin stayed right there beside her the entire time
she was in the hospital, except of course when she was in surgery. He called us when she went in, and all of
us came down to wait it out with him.
“Where’s her dad?”
JC asked.
“Um, he’s out of the country again, I’m not sure how
to reach him.” Justin said, resting his
chin in his hands.
“She’s gonna be okay Curly.” Joey said as he messed Justin’s hair.
“I know.” He
mumbled.
“Is there anyone we can call for you or
anything?” I asked.
“No, I called my mom already. I told her Clyde was having surgery on her
fallopian tubes, but I didn’t tell her why.
She’d freak, and I don’t need that now.”
“Is there anything we can do at all?” I asked.
“Not really, but thanks.” He stared out the window and sighed. We sat in silence until the doctor came in three hours later.
“Justin Timberlake?”
He asked.
“Yeah, yes.
That’s me.” Justin stood up and
ran his hands through his hair.
“Would you like to talk in private?” He asked, looking at the four of us standing
close by.
“Is Claudia okay?”
Justin asked.
“I really think it’s best if we talk in
private.” The doctor said again.
“Is she okay?”
Justin asked, a bit louder this time.
“She came out of surgery fine.” The doctor said. Justin relaxed noticeably, and followed the doctor out of the
waiting room; the rest of us sighed with relief and began chatting.
“So what’s wrong?”
Justin asked as he shut the door to the doctor’s office.
“While we were removing the fallopian tube, we
noticed a small mass on her ovary.”
“Okay…?”
“It’s a tumor.
We sent it to be biopsied, which is why it took so long in surgery. It’s cancer Mr. Timberlake. We’ve removed both of her ovaries and her
uterus; they were badly damaged due to the tumor. It was a miracle that she conceived at all. And a miracle that because of the pregnancy,
we may have saved her life.” The doctor
kept talking, but Justin didn’t hear a word he said. All Justin could hear was the sound of his heart beating in his
ears. Tears welled up in his eyes and
his pulse quickened.
“It’s cancer?”
Justin interrupted the doctor’s monologue.
“Yes.”
“She’s going to die?” He whispered.
“That depends on how far it’s spread.” The doctor said slowly. “We’re going to admit her to the hospital to
run more tests and to of course start treatment.”
“Treatment?”
“Chemotherapy.”
“Oh God.”
Justin put his head between his knees.
He rocked back and forth and said, “I’m going to be sick.”
“Just a minute.”
The doctor sprung into action, grabbing a tray from the nurse’s station
just outside his office. He handed it
to Justin who just dropped it on the floor.
“Oh God…” He whispered. “When can I see her?”
“She’ll be in recovery in just a few minutes.”
“I can see her then?”
“For a few minutes, yes.” The doctor nodded.
“Take me there.”
Justin’s voice caught in his throat as he stood up and followed the
doctor. They passed the waiting room,
where I was standing with the others. I
saw Justin walk down the hallway behind the doctor, and he did not look good.
“J man, what’s going on?” I asked as they passed.
Justin didn’t say a word, or look back.
He waved me off and continued walking.
“Something’s not right.” I said to the others.
“What? What’s
wrong?” Joey asked.
“I don’t know.”
I shrugged. “Justin just walked
by and he looked like hell.”
“What the hell?”
JC stood up and walked to the hallway, but Justin was out of sight.
“Claudia honey, I’m right here.” Justin said more than an hour later when
Claudia started to wake up.
“Justy?”
“Yeah babe.”
He sniffed and forced a smile.
“I’m okay, don’t cry now.” She said sluggishly. She
tried to smile, but only managed half.
“I know you are.”
He stroked her hair and sighed.
“It’s been one hell of a day, huh?”
“You can say that again.”
“It’s been one hell of a day, huh?” He smiled and wiped his eyes.
“Shut up.”
She smiled and turned her head to face him. “I love you honey.”
“Oh Claud, I love you too.” He leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips. “You smell like a hospital.”
“Ha ha, very funny.”
She said slowly. “When can I go
home?”
“Oh, um, I don’t know hun, the doctor needs to talk
to you.”
“Is everything okay?” She asked, sensing his fear.
“We’ll be okay.”
“Justin…”
“The doctor needs to talk to you.” He let go of her hand, and went to get the
doctor.
The two of them came back into the room, and Justin
resumed his position beside her bed, with her hand in his. The doctor explained that the surgery went
well, and she could expect a great recovery, but that they had found something
else. Before he even said the word,
Justin squeezed Claudia’s hand and tried to keep himself composed.
As soon as the word “cancer” was uttered, Claudia began
to shake uncontrollably. “I’m… I have
cancer? I’m only 18.”
“Ovarian cancer can strike at any age, depending on
your risk factors. Has anyone in your
family had cancer?”
“I don’t know.
I’m not sure.” She seemed
dazed. “What does this mean?”
“You have what we call stage III ovarian cancer. That means that the cancer has spread to
other pelvic organs. Your other ovary,
and your uterus.” He explained. “We are going to want to start you on
chemotherapy right away, to kill any cancer that we’ve missed.”
“I’m never going to have children.” She stated it as a fact, not a question.
“No, I’m sorry.
You will not.” The doctor said
quietly. Only then did Claudia begin to
cry. “I’m sorry.” The doctor said as he patted Claudia’s
arm. “I’ll be here all night if you
need to talk.”
Claudia nodded against Justin’s chest, and the doctor
left. She sobbed while Justin held her
close, trying not to get hysterical himself.
“Justin, I don’t want this to be happening.” She choked.
“Baby I don’t either.” He rubbed her back and tried to stop her from shaking.
“How can they expect me to handle this? I can’t do it Justy, I can’t.”
“Yes you can baby, I’m going to be here for you, no
matter what. I’m not going to leave you
to do this by yourself. Not ever.”
“Make it go away!”
She cried.
“Oh Claud, I would take it if I could. I would…”
“This sucks.”
She wiped her eyes and tried to control herself. “Jesus, when did my life become such a train
wreck?”
“Like I said, this has been one hell of a day, huh?”
“Justin, I don’t know if I can handle any more.” Her face contorted as she began to cry
again.
“I’ll help you.”
He stroked her hair and kissed her ear.
“But right now, you need to go to sleep. You’ve been through a lot today, physically.”
“Don’t leave.”
She said, clinging to his shirt.
“I’m going to stay right here till you wake up in the
morning.” He kissed her forehead as she
lay back down. She cried quietly as she
drifted back to sleep, never letting go of Justin’s shirt.
“Hey guys.”
Justin said softly as he walked into the waiting room, we had barely
moved all day.
“Justin what’s going on? It’s been hours.” JC said
as he stood up.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, tearing myself away from the window.
“No, it’s not.”
Justin averted his red and swollen eyes as he dropped himself into the
nearest chair. “It’s cancer.” He practically whispered.
“Cancer?”
Joey asked. He leaned over and
put his hand on Justin’s back.
“Yeah, ovarian cancer.” Justin sighed. He leaned
back and closed his eyes.
“Jesus… how’s Claudia? Does she know?” Chris
asked.
“Yeah, she knows.
The doctor came in and told her a little while ago. She’s sleeping now. I need to get back in there.”
“Hey J, is there anything we can do?” JC asked.
“Nope, not right now.” Justin used his knees to push himself up, then stretched his arms
over his head. “I need to call my mom
and let her know what’s going on.” He
pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “Um, I’m not gonna make it to the studio this week Jace.”
“Of course not, don’t worry about it.” JC said softly. He tousled Justin’s hair and smiled. “You just go take care of Clyde.
We’ll take care of everything else.”
“Thanks guys.”
He tried to smile, but I saw the tears well up in his eyes. “This is just a really emotional week, after
things settle down I’ll be fine. I’ll
be fine.” He said as his voice shook. He repeated himself once more, as if trying
to convince himself.
We each gave him a tight
hug, and said a little group prayer before he headed back to Claudia's
room. We left shortly after, knowing
there wasn’t anything we could do that night.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
We put our CD on hold while Justin dealt with Claudia
and her chemotherapy. After more than
6 months she was back on track, and we could head back into the studio. Justin showed up every day, no matter how
tired he was after staying up all night with Claudia while she warded off night
sweats. He hit every note, and he
played the part of the happy-go-lucky kid for the media. No one ever knew that his heart broke every
day he went home to his beautiful girlfriend, lying cold and weak in the bed
they shared.
Fourteen months after she was diagnosed, Claudia was
told she was in remission, her chemotherapy days were over. She and Justin were so ecstatic, they threw
a huge “Farewell to Cancer” party and invited everyone they knew. It was like Justin, the real Justin,
was back again. They were alive and
well… and reborn.
I mingled with everyone at the party, nervous about
the release of our album that was due out in the next week. I saw Claudia catching a moment to herself
by the back door, so I headed over with a drink in my hand.
“Hey kid.” I
smiled.
“Hi Lance, how are you? I haven’t seen you in a while.”
She smiled and I realized how long it had been since I’d actually seen
her smile.
“I’m doing good, how about you?” I asked.
“Oh that’s a dumb question, you must be feeling great.” I laughed.
“Yeah, I do.
I finally feel like everything’s going to be all right, you know? I mean mentally as well as physically.” She paused, “Justin and I have been going to
counseling… did he tell you that?”
I shook my head,
“No, he didn’t mention it.”
“Oh, well, then don’t say anything. He was having a really hard time with this
whole thing, and I could barely hold myself together half the time. Put us together, and you’ve got
trouble. But anyways, we’ve been going
for a couple months now and it’s helped so much. I think Justy’s finally got it through his head that this isn’t
his fault.”
“How could he think it was his fault?” I asked, stunned.
“He thinks that because of the baby…” She paused as a
shadow passed over her face, “Because
of the baby I had to go through this.”
“That’s crazy.”
I shook my head.
“I know, in fact it’s because of the baby that
I’m here today. We caught it in time.”
“Exactly.”
“But like I was saying. It feels like we can get back to normal now, you know? Like we can go back to just being Justin and
Claudia for once.”
“Yeah… well that’s great. You have no idea how happy we all are for you.” I pulled her in for a tight hug. “It’s great to have you back.”
“It’s great to be back.” She laughed, and the sound tickled my ears.
“Man, it’s great to hear that laugh again.” I held her closer and kissed her cheek. “You need to do that more often.”
“I will, I promise.”
She smiled and caught someone’s eye over my shoulder. “Hey, next weekend I wanna have you guys
over to celebrate the new album.” She
said as JC walked up behind me.
“You got it.”
He high fived her, then pulled her into a hug. “We’ve got lots to celebrate this month.”
“You betcha.
But if you come, you’ve got to bring your world famous JC chili
dip.” When she smiled her eyes danced.
“Anything for you.”
He laughed, and then launched into a conversation. I gave her a small wave before I headed
outside to mingle with the crowd.
When almost everyone had left, and it was just family
and close friends, Claudia gathered everyone out on the back porch and sat
Justin down on the swing. She stood
beside him and held his hand and she began to speak, “Justin, I just wanted to take this moment to thank you, in front
of everyone we love. Thank you for
staying with me in the hospital on all those long nights, and even longer
days. Thank you for knowing when to
comfort me, and knowing when to leave me alone. Thank you for holding my hair when I was puking my guts out.” The small audience chuckled as she
continued. “Thank you for having faith
in yourself enough to know that you would remain strong, when I couldn’t. Thank you for making my life so beautiful,
and so magical, that even cancer couldn’t knock me down. And Justin thank you, for loving me, even
when I told you I hated you, and never wanted to see your stupid hair
again.” She smiled and wiped the tears
from her cheeks.
“Afro!” JC
shouted from the back of the crowd.
Everyone laughed, then let Claudia continue.
“And while I’m here, thank you to JC, Joey, Chris and
Lance, for understanding that Justin loved you guys, but had to be with
me. You guys are the best friends we
could ever hope for, and I love all of you.”
She smiled and blew kisses in our direction.
“Now Justin…”
“Yes?” He’d
remained quiet this whole time.
“If I’ve learned one thing over the last 14 months,
six days and…” She checked his watch,
“Seven hours… it’s that… well, it’s that chemotherapy sucks and you will
barf no matter what they say.” She
smiled and caught her breath. “And also
that we all take every day for granted.
God has given us a gift, every morning we wake up, every night we go to
sleep. I don’t want to take anything
for granted anymore. I know you’ve
promised me for a long time, but I want to make it official tonight. I want you to take this, and give it to me,
and not take tomorrow for granted anymore.”
She handed him a small silver box.
He flipped it open and looked at the platinum diamond
solitaire resting on the black velvet.
It was just what he would have chosen, and it was perfect. He smiled and cleared his throat as he took
the ring out of the box and got down on one knee in front of everyone. “Claudia Danielle Scharber, will you do me
the honor, of becoming my wife?” He
practically whispered.
“It’s about time.”
She said as she held her hand out for him to slip the ring on. He stood up and kissed her before looking
back to where the other guys and I stood.
“You knew about this?” He asked with a smile.
“Nope.” I
shook my head.
“Not me.”
Chris held up his hands.
“Like she’d tell me?” Joey asked.
“Okay okay, I knew.”
JC admitted. “And I helped pick
the ring out, so if you don’t like it-“
“Tough.”
Claudia laughed. She kissed
Justin once more and said, “I’m sorry
if I freaked you out there.”
“It’s okay! I
couldn’t have planned this better. But
if you’d have waited until Christmas, I could have done it my way.” He smiled and brushed his lips across her
forehead.
“You’re taking for granted that Christmas will
come.” She said seriously. “I’ve told you I wanted to get married… married
to you, before I die. So let’s
do it.”
“Name the time and place, I’ll be there.” He smiled and rested his forehead against
hers.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It was a month later, just after the new year, that
things came together. The time was
5:00pm, the place was Mt. Collins Church on the Hill, and Justin was
there. Joey, Chris, JC and I waited
nervously at the front of the church, while Justin shifted his weight from foot
to foot, glancing up the aisle every couple seconds.
“You doing okay kid?” I asked.
“Shhh.”
Justin hissed back at me.
“She’ll be here in a minute.” Chris whispered from behind me.
“Shut up you guys.”
Justin whispered loudly. Chris
and I stood up straight and kept our eyes forward, trying not to laugh, until
the organ music started.
I turned slowly to watch Claudia walk down the aisle,
escorted by her father. She was in a
gorgeous snow white dress that looked like a fairytale. It was very plain, and very classy, with a
long train and a translucent veil. She’d
never looked so beautiful.
I heard Justin suck in his breath quickly as she
smiled at him through the veil. He’d
managed to keep his hands from shaking until then. He clasped his hands together tightly in front of him, as she
made her way towards him.
When she finally got there, after what seemed like
hours, Justin took her hand, and turned to face the priest. He noticed that her hand was shaking just as
much as his was, and together they could almost hold tight enough to stop. He smiled sheepishly at her and
whispered, “You look all glowy.” How he managed a sentence is beyond me, but
that sent Clyde into a fit of giggles.
“All glowy?”
She whispered back between giggles.
“Beautiful, you look beautiful.” He whispered as the priest started the
ceremony.
Claudia had a permanent smile on her face the whole
time, and we could all tell she was trying her hardest not to laugh. She’d just get herself under control when
she’d catch one of our eyes and start giggling again. Justin looked over twice to give us a stone cold glare, but that
didn’t help any. We were way too
immature for that.
“I do.”
Justin said softly, smiling shakily at Claudia.
“And do you Claudia, take Justin to be your lawfully
wedded husband, to have and to hold, to love and the cherish, in sickness and
in health for all the days of your life?”
The priest asked.
“I do.” She
sniffed.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss
the bride.” He smiled. Justin took a step forward and raised
Claudia’s veil, there wasn’t a dry eye in the place. He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand, then leaned in
slowly to kiss her. She wrapped her
arms around his neck and completed the
kiss.
“Ladies and gentlemen, friends and loved ones, I
would like to introduce for the first time, Mr. And Mrs. Justin
Timberlake.” The priest smiled as
Justin and Claudia turned around and stepped
into the aisle.
Chris nudged me in the ribs as he walked by and I
passed him a kleenex from my pocket.
“No, dude look.” He pointed up the
aisle and saw Justin swoop Claudia up in his arms and carry her down the front
steps of the church to their awaiting limo.
“He’s going to get a hernia if he keeps doing
that.” Chris smiled and headed down the
aisle with the bridesmaid he was paired with.
“But it’d be worth it.” I smiled and laced my arm though Donnas, the bridesmaid I was
paired with, and the girl Clyde had been trying to set me up with.
The reception lasted
well into the night, and the sun was rising as we pulled up in front of my
house the next morning.
Claudia and Justin went to Greece for 2 weeks for
their honeymoon, and didn’t think about us once, I’m sure.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Happy anniversary to you! Happy anniversary to you!
Happy anniversary dear Justin and Clyde! Happy anniversary to you!”
JC, Chris Joey and I sang as we stood with the rest of their families
around a big cake. A piece of their
original wedding cake sat nearby, it was mostly thawed in the sunlight. Justin and Claudia took turns feeding each
other a bite of their wedding cake, before cutting and serving the anniversary
cake.
“One whole year.”
JC shook his head.
“What?”
Justin asked, laughing. “Come
on, you knew we’d make it.”
“Nah, I knew you would. It’s still just weird.” JC
hugged Justin and stood back. “You’re
just a kid!”
“Yeah but I’m a married kid.” Justin laughed.
“Congrats guys, are you guys going anywhere
special?” I asked.
“We’re going to Montreal to visit my dad.” Claudia laughed and wrapped her arm around Justin’s
waist.
“I don’t really have time to go on a second honeymoon
or anything. I mean, we’re going to be
leaving here in a couple months for out tour.
We’ve got a lot of work to do between now and then.”
“True.” I
nodded.
“But we’re taking off for the weekend.”
“That sounds like fun.” JC smiled.
“Hey Justin!
Does your wife have any friends for me?” Joey shouted across the room.
“Joey, I’ve already hooked you up with all the single
girls I know.” Claudia laughed.
“What about me?”
Chris asked, as he snuck up behind her.
“You want me to hook you up with Joey?” She raised an eyebrow and poked him in the
side.
“No, I want you to hook me up with all your single
girl friends.” He smiled.
“Won’t Priscilla be upset?” Claudia scanned the crowd for Chris’s current girlfriend.
“Maybe.” He
shrugged and kissed Clyde’s cheek. “I
can’t believe you’ve stayed with this foolio for so long.”
“I know… it’s been rough
putting up with his morning attitude and his hair issues.”
“You’re a strong woman.” Chris laughed and socked Justin in the arm playfully.
“Come on J, how ‘bout some one on one little
man?” Joey asked as he bounced the
basketball at Justin’s feet.
“Little man?”
Justin laughed, standing tall at 6 feet.
“Bring it on tough guy.” Joey passed the ball to Justin who quickly kissed Claudia’s cheek,
then followed Joey to the court.
“Those boys… I swear.” She shook her head and smiled.
“Hey, so when are you guys leaving for
Montreal?” I asked.
“Um next Friday, and we’ll be back Sunday night.”
“You should just stay over and fly back Monday, we
don’t have meetings or anything till I think next Wednesday.” JC said.
“Yeah, but I have my doctors appointment first thing
Monday morning.” She said, running her
finger through the icing on her plate.
“Are you okay?”
I asked, I felt the blood drain from my face.
“Yeah… yeah it’s just a check up. I go every six weeks.” She smiled quickly and looked up at us.
“You feeling okay and everything?” JC asked as Chris slipped away.
“Uh huh.” She
nodded and licked her finger. “I’m
feeling all right.”
“Well call us and let us know how things go.” I said as I took the plate from her. “I’ll get that.” I picked up a couple of the other dirty plates on the table and
carried them to the kitchen. I stood at
the sink and rinsed the dishes for a couple minutes, loosing myself in thought
as I stared out the window at Justin and Joe playing basketball.
“Lance?”
Claudia asked softly as she entered the kitchen behind me.
“Yeah?” I
snapped out of my trance and put the dish I was holding on the drying rack.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.” I
nodded and leaned against the counter, facing her.
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure.” I
smiled and ran my hand through my hair.
“How are things going with Kendra?” She asked.
“Things are going good.” I nodded slowly. “She’s
um, in Miami this weekend.”
“Visiting family?”
“Yeah, her grandparents.” I smiled. “Are you
nervous about going to the doctors?”
She paused for a second and said, “No, not really. I go all the time. It’s
just a check up, like I said.”
“To see if the cancers come back?” I played with the dishtowel in my hands.
“Yeah.” She
nodded and reached out to touch my shoulder,
“That is a possibility Lance, you know that.”
“I know.” I
nodded. “But you’re feeling okay
right?”
“Yes, I’m feeling fine.” She knelt into my line of sight and caught my eye; “I’m fine.”
She smiled. “You worry to much.”
“I know.” I
forced a smiled and sighed.
“That’s Justin’s job, you just concentrate on what’s
important.”
“This is important.”
“Yes it is, but it’s nothing to worry about.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me away from
the counter. “Come on, this is a
party.”
“Okay, okay.”
I laughed, and let her pull me back outside.
She was right, there was nothing to worry about. Her appointment went just fine and the
doctor said she was looking good. She
had a little cold, so the doctor prescribed a decongestant and told her to get
plenty of rest. That wouldn’t be hard,
she loved to sleep.
She slept a
lot the next couple days, per the doctor’s orders of course, but she wasn’t
getting any better. She decided to self
medicate herself with Sudafed and Tylenol for the next couple weeks. Just before her next appointment she started
complaining about feeling light headed, and then the night before the
appointment, she passed out on her way to the bathroom in the middle of the
night.
Justin called me in the middle of the night from the
hospital, “Hey, we’re at the
hospital.” He said quietly when I answered
the phone.
Me heart jumped into my throat, “What happened?”
“She’s been complaining about being light headed for
the past couple days, and then tonight she passed out when she got up to go to
the bathroom. She didn’t hurt herself,
but I freaked out and brought her in.”
“So what’s going on?
What are they doing?” I asked as
I sat up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.
“Lance?”
Kendra asked, rolling over to face me as I switched the light on.
“It’s Justin.”
I said quietly.
“Does he know it’s…” She glanced at the clock, “Three forty two in the morning?”
“He’s at the hospital.” I said. I climbed out of
bed and walked down the hall to the living room where I dropped myself on the
couch. “So what’s going on?”
“Well they’re doing some blood work right now, you
know, stuff like that.” Justin
sighed. “Listen, I don’t have any more
change and yours was the only number I could remember off the top of my head,
can you call the other guys?” Justin
lowered himself into the hard plastic emergency room chair.
“Yeah, yeah I’ll do that.” I played with the tassels on the end of the blanket over the back
of the couch.
“It doesn’t have to be right now, you know, cuz it’s
so late.”
“No, don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it. You
guys are at St. Lukes?”
“Yeah.” He
said with what sounded like relief.
“Okay, I’ll call the guys and we’ll be there in a
bit.”
“Okay, thanks a lot Lance.”
“No problem kid.”
He didn’t say anything for a minute,
“She’s gonna be okay J.”
“I know.” He
said after a pause.
“Okay. We’ll
see you in a few.”
“Thanks.
Bye.”
I hung up with Justin and called the others, waking
up all but Joey. “You… you’re
awake?” I asked when he answered the
phone in his usual perky voice.
“Yeah, you are?”
He asked.
“Um, yeah.” I
let my confusion set for a minute, the remembered it was Joey I was
talking to, and it didn’t seem so out of the ordinary. “Justin called me, Clyde passed out so he
took her to the hospital, they’re running some tests right now.”
“Oh man, is she okay?”
“Yeah,
she didn’t hurt herself or anything.” I
explained.
Joey sighed.
“Okay, well, where are they at?”
“St. Lukes.”
I said as I poured myself a glass of orange juice. “I’m going to head over there after I
shower, I think JC and Chris will be heading over soon too.”
“All right, I’ll clean up here and I’ll meet you guys
there.”
“Okay.”
“The same place we were last time?” He asked.
“When she had her surgery?”
“No, Justin was in the emergency room, so I guess we’ll
be there.”
“Okay.” Joey
stood up and stretched. “I’ll see you
there.”
“Bye.” I hung
up, then went down the hall to the bathroom to take a quick shower.
“Any news?” I
asked as I walked into the little waiting area by the ER. It was a little after 5 in the morning; I
had stopped to get donuts for everyone.
JC and Chris were alone in the ER waiting area.
“Nope. The
doctor came to get Justin about a half hour ago, but we haven’t heard anything
since.” JC shrugged. He stretched his feet out in front of
himself and yawned.
“Well I guess no news is good news, right?” I asked.
“Yeah…” Chris nodded and played with the cord of the
dirt colored mini blinds.
“Yeah what?
Ooo donuts.” Joey said as way of
a greeting. He took a bite then looked
at us. “Yeah what?” He asked again.
“Yeah no news is good news.” I said.
“Oh… so you haven’t heard anything yet?” He asked as he wiped the powdered sugar off
his mouth.
“Not yet.” I
shook my head.
“What do they think is wrong?”
“I don’t know.”
I shrugged.
“Could it be cancer do you think?” Joey asked quietly.
“No.” Chris
shook his head.
“Yes it could.”
JC said, leaning forward in his chair to rest his elbows on his knees.
“Because she passed out?” Chris asked.
“That could be just the first symptom.” JC explained.
“Or it could just be that she stood up too
fast.” I said. “Let’s hope for the best.”
“Yeah, it could be anything.” JC nodded… We all hoped.
That time she was lucky. That time is was nothing.
The doctor said she was feeling faint because of lack of iron, and put
her on supplements, she felt better almost immediately. We spent the next couple months planning our
tour, and getting everything set to go.
It was going to be a crazy tour, 4 months straight, hitting just about
every major city in America, with trips to Alaska and Hawaii thrown in, so no
one was missed.
Our first show was on the 4th of July and
we opened it in Washington DC. We had
all of our families there to help us celebrate, and it was amazing. There could never be a better show, it was
awesome. That was our last night of
fun, from there on out, it was work work work.
We’d call home as often as we could, and we’d send out e-mail just about
every night, but that was wearing thin on everyone. Aside from the fact that we’d work on as little as 3 hours of
sleep a night, we were mentally and physically driven into the ground. There were times when we’d spend out entire
day off, asleep on the bus. But it was
worth it, it was all worth it.
About 4 weeks into the tour, we were in Detroit
getting ready for the first of two shows there, when Justin got called out of
our meet and greet. Things like that
just didn’t happen, so we were all curious what the emergency was. As soon as we were done we went to Justins
changing room and Joey knocked. “Hey
kiddo, you okay?”
“Come on in guys.”
Justin shouted from inside. Joey
pushed the door open and we filed into the cramped space. His eyes were puffy and red, and there was a
small pile of kleenex on the table.
“What happened?”
JC asked, we all stood around, to nervous to sit.
“Um, Clyde had her doctors appointment today, the
doctor said the cancer is back. It’s
spread.” He sniffed and looked anywhere
but at us.
“Oh shit…” Chris
whispered as he sat in the big recliner chair beside Justin.
“Are you going home?” I asked.
“I can’t Lance. We have two shows here.”
He sounded more angry than anything.
“Justin, you know you can go home if you need
to. We can reschedule a couple
shows.” JC explained.
“I know…” he
sighed and blew his nose. “She said
she’s fine though. Jesus she makes me
nuts sometimes.” He half laughed as he
wiped his nose and threw the kleenex in the pile.
“She makes us all nuts.” Joey smiled and shoved his hands in his pocket.
“I know.”
Justin smiled and put his head in his hands. “It’s just, I mean… shit what am I supposed to do? If I go home I won’t be able to do
anything for her. And she doesn’t want
us to have to change any shows or anything.”
“Yeah, but if you need to go home, you can.” Chris said.
“I don’t need to, she’s telling me not
to. But shit… I mean, this is a big
thing. I can’t stand that I have to be here
instead. I wish I could just beam
myself home right now. You know? Just be there right now.”
“How is she going to manage the chemo by
herself?” I asked.
“My mom is going to go stay with her for a little
while.” He said softly.
“How’s she doing though?” Chris asked.
“She’s fine, I’m the one who’s a mess here.” Justin grabbed another kleenex and just held
it in his hands. “She feels fine and
she’s amazingly held together. She was
acting all normal, she told me what the doctor said then she was all, ‘but then
when I came home Jasper had messed in the house, right in front of the kitchen
sink, how gross.’ What planet is she
from?”
We all laughed quietly, then Joey said, “Well you know, if she’s doing alright,
maybe… maybe you know, everything’s okay.”
Justin sighed and stood up, “I know… I know.”
“And we have two days drive time next week, so why
don’t you fly home, then fly out to meet us, that’ll give you at least one full
day at home.” JC suggested.
“Yeah, I think I’ll do that.” Justin blew his nose again and grabbed all
the tissues to throw them in the trash.
“Wow, when I fall apart, I fall apart, huh?” He laughed lightly and gave us all
hugs. “Thanks guys, you rock.”
“You gonna be okay for tonight?” Chris asked.
“Yeah, yeah I’ll be okay.” Justin nodded and ran his hands through his hair. “I’ll be all right, let’s just get out there
and do it.”
“There he is!”
Joey smiled and slapped Justin on the back. “Okay then, let’s go.”
“Here we go… one more time… everybody’s feeling
fine…” JC started.
“Argh… shut it Jace.” Chris laughed and led the way out of Justin’s dressing room, we
had a show to do.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Justin walked into the house he and Claudia shared,
and was greeted by his mother, wearing a yellow and white striped apron,
holding a dishrag. “Jeez mom, is it
1950 where you live?” He laughed and
gave her a big hug. “Where’s Clyde?”
“She’s in bed honey.” Lynn said softly. “She
wanted you to wake her up when you got here.”
“How’s she doing?”
His mom paused for a second, “She’s doing alright. She saw the doctor on Monday, and I know she
wants to talk to you about that.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Honey, go talk to her.” His mom said as she turned and went back to the kitchen.
Justin took the stairs two at a time and trotted down
the hall to the master bedroom. “Hey
sweetie.” He said softly as he pushed
the door open. He stopped cold in his
tracks as he shut the door behind him.
Claudia was laying on her back beneath their wedding quilt, with her
hair in a high ponytail. He could see
the collar of her neon pink nightshirt peeking out from the edge of the
blanket, the brightness only making her look paler. Her lips blended with the rest of her face and she had gray
circles under her eyes. “Claudia? Hey sweets, I’m home.” He said softly as he sat on the bed beside
her. He reached out and stroked her
hair as she opened her eyes.
“Hi baby.”
She smiled and his heart broke as she pushed herself into a sitting
position.
“Hi…” he
leaned down and kissed her softly as he pulled her in for a loose hug. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m alright.”
She smiled and started to move the sheets back.
“No stay in bed, you’re fine right there.” He smiled and covered her again. “Mom said you went to the doctors on
Monday?”
She nodded and settled back on the pillows, “Come on husband.” She smiled,
“Come to bed with your wife.”
“Claudia…”
Justin said softly.
“Come on Justy, just hold me.” She said softly. He climbed into the bed and lay beside her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed
her neck softly.
“So what’d he say?”
He asked, not really wanting to know the answer.
“I’m not on my chemotherapy anymore.” She stated, not answering Justin’s question.
“Claudia, why not?
Doctor Carnes said you’d be on it until September at least.”
“I don’t want to be on it anymore. It makes me so sick, and by the time I feel
better, it’s time for me to go back in.”
She sighed.
“But Claud, you can’t just stop taking your
medicine.” Justin argued and sat up a
little.
“It’s not medicine.”
She frowned. “And yes I can.”
“You’ve got to be kidding. Claudia, you have to go back on.
I can’t believe my mom is going along with this.” He was upset and worried at the same time.
“Justin…” She
sighed, and thought for a second.
“Justin, there’s no reason to continue the chemo. It’s crap.
I hate it and it’s not worth it.”
“Claudia.”
Justin sat up straight and looked down at her beside him. “There’s no reason? It’s not worth it? How about the fact that I love you? That I can’t even think about
what my life would be like without you?” He stood up and paced by the foot of the bed. “I just… I just can’t believe you’re saying
this.”
“Justin, that’s not what I meant.” Claudia pushed herself into a sitting
position. “If the chemo would make me
better, if there was even a small chance that it might, I would do
it. I would do it all day every
day. Do you think that I wouldn’t? I love you Justin, I love you more than you
can know. And I can’t imagine for one
second leaving you… ever.” She was
weak, but she was feisty.
“Then how can you just stop? The chemo can make you better. It worked last time!”
“No Justin, not this time.” She shook her head and reached her hand out toward him.
He took it and sat beside her, “Claudia…”
“Justin, on Monday Doctor Carnes found out why I’ve
been so lightheaded. My blood count was
low, really low. So they transfused me
with blood, and it didn’t help.”
“What?” he
asked, shocked. “Claudia why didn’t you c-“
“Let me finish.”
She interrupted. “They did a CT
scan… there’s a tumor by my heart.”
Justin didn’t say anything… he couldn’t. A lump had suddenly risen in his throat, and his heart rate
raced.
“I… How can… What, what are they going to do?” Justin asked as his hands turned to ice.
“Nothing.”
Claudia shook her head.
“Nothing?”
Justin whispered in disbelief.
“They can’t operate on it because it’s too close to
my heart. The only thing they can do is
treat it with chemo, and that won’t get rid of it.”
“Why didn’t you call me?” He whispered, his voice shook with hurt.
“Because I wanted to tell you face to face. And there’s nothing you could have done.”
“I could have been here.” He reached out to touch her face and she
smiled.
“You were needed elsewhere.” She hadn’t meant it in a sarcastic way, but
that was how he took it.
“Claudia, you know I’d cancel the whole damn tour for
you.”
“You would not.”
She smiled.
“I would. In
a heart beat.”
“You’d better not.”
She touched his soft curls and pulled him down to kiss his lips
softly. “You need to finish up this
tour, and when you’re through, we can deal with this.”
“I can’t leave you now.” He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “Claudia… you can’t ask me to leave
now. I won’t.”
“You can’t let the guys down, and you can’t let your
fans down. You’ve worked so hard for
this.”
“I’ve worked so hard for this.” He
glanced around the room.
“Lynn will be here with me, and when you’re finished
you can come take over.” She said
softly.
“No, I’m going to call Johnny tonight and tell him we
have to cancel.” Justin shook his head.
“No, Justin you can’t.” She said quickly. “You
need to do finish what you started, and as soon as you’re finished you can come
home and we’ll deal with this, together.”
“Claudia, how can you do that? How can you tell me to leave?”
“Because it’s what needs to be done.” She said after a moment’s pause. “If I needed you here, I’d ask. You know I would.”
“I know, but you do need me here Claud.”
“I don’t. Not
right now. You need to be out there on
the stage performing right now. You
know Justin, that if anything happened you’d be the first person
called.”
“I don’t want to miss anything.” Justin sniffed and turned to face the door.
“You’ll be missing more, if you don’t go.” She raised his hand to her lips and kissed
his fingers. “Stay tonight.”
“I am baby.”
He looked back at her. “I am
staying.”
“Good.” She
pulled his arm gently, and he lay beside her, holding her close. “Because I’ve missed you.” She whispered.
He blotted his eyes on the quilt and whispered
back, “God, I’ve missed you too.” They fell asleep soon after, and slept all
night.
The next day Justin tried to convince her to let him
stay with her, but she was adamant, he had to go. Even though it tore him up inside, he left Orlando that night and
joined us back on the road.
Justin performed in all the shows, and chatted at all
the meet and greets, but he just wasn’t there.
It seemed like just the act of pretending to be happy, wore him
out. He’d sleep anytime he wasn’t
moving, and even missed a couple scheduled appearances because he was too
tired. He wasn’t fooling anyone; he was
depressed… deeply depressed. We were
all worried about him, but I was the one who went to talk to him.
“Justin?” I
asked as I pushed the curtain of his bunk back.
“I’m sleeping.”
Justin mumbled as he pulled his pillow over his head.
“Justin, come on man, we need to talk.” I said pulling the pillow away.
“What?” He
turned to face me with a frown.
“J, we’re worried about you.” I said as I leaned my elbows on his
bed. “We know you’re worried sick about
Clyde, we all are. But why don’t you go
on home?”
“I can’t. She
doesn’t want me there.” He sighed ad
closed his eyes.
“That’s not it, she wants you there, she just doesn’t
want you to think you have to be there instead of here.”
“Lance, she tells me
every time I call she doesn’t want me to come home. What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“That means she’s scared. She doesn’t want anyone to be disappointed.”
“But what about me?”
Justin asked. “Shit that sounds
terrible right now, but what about me?
What about what I want?”
“What do you want?”
I asked.
“I want to be home with Claudia.” He said loudly. “I want her to not be sick, I want this whole fucking tour to be
over with. I just want to go back to
when everything was fine. This is
bullshit Lance, this is all bullshit.”
“I know man, but this is also how it is.” I paused.
“If you want to go home, go.”
“I can’t.
She’d be mad, and I don’t want her to be mad at anyone when she is this
sick. Especially not me.”
“She won’t be mad.”
“Yes she will, she gets mad at me on the phone if I
even mention going home.” He
sighed. “I know this is a game she’s
playing. And I can’t help but think is
she saying that so I will come home.
You know, testing me to see if I love her that much. I do Lance, I do love her that much. I love her more than that.”
“I know you do.”
“Then why can’t I be strong enough to go home?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why can’t I just say screw it, and go? I mean, am I that afraid of what I’ll see?”
“Maybe you are…”
“Come on Lance.”
“No Justin, maybe you are. Maybe for you, going home, really going home would be too
much of a slap in the face. Maybe that
would make everything real to you. If
you’re here you can imagine that she’s doing fine, and feeling good. You aren’t faced with the daily reminder
that she’s dying.”
“Go to hell Lance.”
Justin jumped off the bed and slammed the door as he left the bus. I had gone too far.
Things were tense between Justin and I for the next
couple days. It was rough, we’d always
been so close, all of us I mean. And
now slowly, Justin was closing himself off from all of us. He’d do the shows at night, then retreat to
his hotel room or his bunk, and no one would see or hear him again until the
next night at the show.
Finally, about a week later, Justin walked off the
stage during the show and sat on the stage steps with his head in his
hands. Clark, our tour manager went over
to him, while the rest of us stayed on stage talking to the crowd.
“You okay?”
Clark shouted.
Justin shook his head and walked back to his dressing
room where he threw his shirt across the room and angrily downed a bottle of
water.
“Justin man, you’ve got two more songs to do
tonight.” Clark said as he walked into
Justin’s room.
“Clark, I can’t do this anymore. I’m going nuts, you know that right?”
“I know you’re having a shitty time about it lately,
but right now you’ve gotta get the job done.
Now you’ve got two more songs that need to be performed, then you can
come back here and do what you’ve got to do.”
Clark explained.
“My mom called tonight, 5 minutes before the show
started. Claudia’s gotten worse, but
she’s afraid to tell me.” Justin said
quietly.
“I’m sorry to hear that kid.” Clark shook his head.
“I’m going home.”
Justin stood up. “Tomorrow.”
“Okay.” He
nodded and handed Justin a clean shirt.
“How am I going to tell the guys?” Justin asked, not moving any closer to the
door.
“They’ll understand.”
“I don’t think they will.” Justin shook his head and grabbed the new shirt. He pulled it over his head and said, “They’ll do it, but they’ll never
understand.”
“I think you underestimate them” Clark patted Justin
on his back, and lead him back to the stage.
We finished up the show as soon as Justin set foot on
the stage, then immediately went back to the hotel. No encores, no last minute waves from the side, no cartwheels
across the stage. Just straight to the
hotel. Justin had an announcement to
make.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
So
we’re back to where we started. With
Justin explaining to the rest of us, that he had to go home...
“Guys,
you know I wouldn’t ask you to do this if… if I didn’t really mean it.” Justin said softly, after we had all
gathered around the small table in his hotel room.
“We know.” JC
nodded and picked at his fingernails.
“This is just um…” He stopped as tears welled up in
his eyes and his bottom lip quivered.
“This is just too much right now, and I need to be home.” Two tears escaped, and he quickly brushed
them away.
“Yeah…” Joey reached over and patted Justin’s back,
like a big brother would. “You doing
okay?”
“I’m okay.”
Justin whispered, though it was clear he wasn’t.
“How’s Clyde holding up?” I asked gently, using our nickname for his wife, Claudia.
“She’s a real trouper. You know how she is.”
Justin smiled and wiped his eyes again.
“She um, she still doesn’t want us to cancel the tour or anything, but
you guys… I just… I mean this is it this time.” He covered his face with his hands as his body shook with sobs.
I grabbed a kleenex off the desk, my hand bumping
Chris’s as he too reached. “Don’t
worry about it man, we’ll take care of it.”
Chris said.
“I mean, it could be another couple months, you know,
after the tour’s over… but it could be… you know…” He sniffed and covered his
eyes again, “It could be real
soon. And I can’t not be there
anymore.”
“You don’t need to explain anything.” I said as I reached across the table to pat
his hand. “You’ll be home tomorrow, you
can be sure of that. We all will.” I glanced around the table as the others
nodded.
“Nsync
cancels the last 8 weeks of their US tour.” The
headlines read the next day, as we filed through the Cleveland airport on our
way to catch our flight home to Orlando.
When we got to Orlando, after a silent flight, we hugged each other good
bye and promised to call later that night.
Then we piled into separate cars and headed to our own homes. Justin had the longest trip of all of us…
Justin walked in the front door of his house and was
immediately surrounded by the scent of vanilla. His mom and one of his aunts helped him carry in his bags, then
explained that they were making peanut butter cookies for Claudia, her
favorite.
“Does she know I’m coming home?” Justin asked softly.
“No, we didn’t tell her.”
“Okay.”
Justin nodded, and made his way up the stairs. He knocked gently on the door, to his own room, then pushed it
open. “Hey Clyde.” He smiled as he stepped into the room.
She took her eyes away from the TV and looked at him
in the doorway. “Justin? What are you doing here?” She asked in a hoarse voice.
“I’m home.”
“I can see that.”
She smiled, and seemed exhausted at the effort.
“For good.”
Justin said softly as he sat on the bed beside her and kissed her lips
gently. They were chapped, so he
reached into the drawer on his nightstand and pulled out the lip balm. He carefully spread it on her lips, then
kissed her again, “Ooo, cherry.” He smiled.
“You can’t be home for good, you still have a lot of
touring.”
“Nope, it’s done.”
Justin said.
“Justin…”
“Don’t argue with me now. This is more important to me.
You’re more important to me.” He
said.
“But Jus-“
“No buts.” He
smiled. “It’s done. It’s over with. Can’t change it now.”
“The guys are going to be pissed.”
“They aren’t pissed.
In fact if you’re up for visitors, they’d like to come by later this
week.”
“Justin, I’m really doing okay.” She sighed.
“Yeah, well, I wanted to see for myself.” He crawled into bed beside her and held her
close. “Besides, I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.” She whispered. They laid
together for quite a while before Claudia reached over the side of the bed for
her oxygen mask. Justin’s mom had
warned him about that before he came home, but it was still startling to see
her with a plastic mask pressed to her face so she could breath. He held her closer, wondering how he’d ever
be able to let her go.
When the rest of us came to visit later that week,
Justin pulled us aside in the living room, and let us know what the doctors had
told him. The tumor had grown, and it
was cutting off some of the blood flow to her lungs, which was why she needed
oxygen, and why she looked so pale. At
this rate, it was only a matter of weeks.
With that kind of news, Justin was holding up amazingly well. He actually seemed less depressed now that
he was home.
Justin escorted us upstairs to the bedroom, and we
all sat around with Clyde for about an hour.
“Hey guys.” She smiled weakly as
we walked in. Justin had washed and
brushed her hair that morning, and put a little make up on her, which was a
feat in itself.
“Hey Clyde.”
JC smiled and leaned over to kiss her cheek. We all took our turns then sat on the bed around her, or on one
of the chairs Justin had moved into the room.
“I’m sorry you guys had to cancel your tour for all
this crap.” She looked at the bottles
of medications and the oxygen machine.
“Don’t worry about that.” I smiled and held her hand.
“Our main concern was that Justin got home.” JC said.
“And hey, if we got to come home in the
process, that’s cool.” Joey smiled.
“I volunteered to sing Justins parts if we stayed on
the road.” Chris laughed, “But these guys said no way.”
“Next album you’ve got to sing more.” Claudia smiled at Chris. “You guys should let him sing more.”
“His head would balloon to the size of Texas if we
let him sing any more than he already does.”
I smiled and tried not to think that this was probably the last time
we’d see Clyde.
“Hey listen to the girl. She knows what she’s talking about.” Chris playfully punched my arm.
“While we’re all here, do you have any
requests?” JC asked.
“Ooo, would you really do that for lil ole me?” She asked, batting her eyelashes
playfully. She laughed softly and
nodded, “I’d love for you guys to sing
“Sailing” for me. Can you do that one?”
“We can do anything you want.” I smiled and went to the other side of the
bed to stand by the others.
“Then that’s what I want to hear.” She smiled, and Justin helped her into a
sitting position, with her oxygen mask nearby just in case.
We warmed up our chords, then began, Joey tapping the
beat on his thigh…
“Well
it’s not far down to paradise, at least it’s not for me… and if the wind is
right you can sail away, and find tranquility… oh the canvas can do miracles,
just you wait and see… baby believe me… it’s not far to never never land, no
reason to pretend... and if the wind is right you can find the joy, of
innocence again…” We finished up the song softly, letting Chris fill out the
ending with his distinctive voice, just for Claudia.
“You guys rule.”
She smiled around the oxygen mask.
“You should do an album.”
“Ya think?”
Chris smiled and sat back at the foot of the bed.
We stayed and visited for a while longer, but with
every minute we were there we could tell Claudia was getting more and more
tired. I gave her a big hug and kissed
her forehead, promising to see her later.
Hoping that I would.
We were silent on the way home, as Joey dropped us
off at our own homes. We wondered when
we’d get the call…
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It
was less than a week later when we did.
Justins mom called us to let us know that Claudia was taken to the
hospital and put on a ventilator, because she couldn’t breathe on her own
anymore. But even that wouldn’t help,
her heart was working too hard to get the blood pumped through her broken
body. Her heart was going to give out,
and soon.
By the time I got to the hospital, Claudia was in a
coma, and Justin didn’t look much better.
I spotted Justin in the hallway talking to Chris and Joey as I walked
up. He saw me coming and gave me a
little half way. His eyes were red and
puffy, and his nose was running. He’d
obviously spent most of the day crying.
“Hey kid, you doing okay?” I asked. Stupid question,
I know.
He shook his head no, and I pulled him into a
hug, “You’re going to be fine J.”
“I don’t want to do this.” Justin said into my shoulder.
“We know you don’t.”
Chris said as he put his hand on Justin’s shoulder.
“Every time I try to say
it I can’t. It’s like my mouth won’t
let me.” He whispered.
“It’s okay.”
I said as JC spotted us. He came
over to where we were standing and messed Justin’s hair.
“Do you want us to go with you?” JC asked.
“No…” Justin stood up straight. “I have to do this.”
“We can help.”
“Not now you can’t.”
Justin shook his head, then covered his face with his hands. “This is so much harder than I ever thought
it could be.” We couldn’t say anything
at this point, we were all choked up, and fighting our own tears. “How am I supposed to just let her go? She’s my wife, I can’t just leave without a
fight.”
“She’s fought her fight, it’s time for her to go.”
“But I’m not ready.” Justin sobbed. “I’m not
ready to wake up tomorrow and know she’s gone.
I’m not ready to go one with my life like she was never here. I’m not ready to face whatever’s out there without
her.”
“Justin…” Joey started.
“How can I go back to doing anything I ever did, when
she’s the reason I did it?”
“Because you’re here. You will be okay Justin.”
JC said softly as he draped his arm over Justin’s shoulder.
“I don’t think I can ever be okay.” Justin shook his head and took a deep
breath.
“Are you ready?”
I asked.
“I don’t have a choice.” Justin turned and opened the door to the hospital room behind
him. I caught a glimpse of Clyde lying
on the bed, facing the window. She
looked so fragile, and broken. I knew
then and there that Justin was ten times stronger than I was. I could never walk into that room, and face
what he was going to have to.
Justin
walked into the unlit room, and pulled the only chair closer to Claudia’s
bed. He sat there for a couple minutes,
just watching her chest rise and fall, before he reached out and held her hand
to his lips. Though she was unaware, he
talked…
“Hey baby.”
He started. “I um… I just wanted
you to know that I love you Clyde, I love you more than anything else in the
world. I always will.” He paused,
“Jesus, this is too hard.
Claudia I can’t let you go, I can’t just watch you leave me. I thought I’d be ready for this, I thought I’d
be able to handle it, but I can’t. I
can’t do this alone Claudia. I need you
here with me. I’m not as strong as you
are.” He let his tears fall onto her
hand. “I can not even imagine what my
life will be without you in it to cheer me on and to stand beside me. I can’t fathom singing a song in front of a
thousand fans, without you hearing it first.
You were always the first.” He laid
his head on the bed beside Claudia’s arms and wiped his nose. He sat like that for a couple minutes before
he moved to rest his chin on his hands.
“God I wish you were here to tell me you were ready to go, if I knew you
were ready, I could do this.”
In his head he heard her
voice loud and clear, “I love you
Justin, but it’s time. I won’t leave
until I know you’re going to be okay.”
“I can’t be okay Claudia. I can’t be okay when my heart is breaking and I can’t see
tomorrow.” His body shook with
sobs. “I don’t want to say goodbye.”
“It’s not goodbye… I’ll always be with you…” He voice
said.
“I will never ever forget everything you’ve done for
me.” Justin wiped his eyes and leaned
forward to kiss her cheek. “Claudia,
you’re the reason I’m here… you are my light and my happiness, you’re
everything in the world to me.” He
paused for a second to stare at her beautiful face. “I love you baby, I will always love you.” He smoothed down her hair and kissed her
forehead.
An alarm beside her bed gave one short beep, then was
silent. Justin watched as the monitor
went blank. He held Claudia in his arms
and cried into her shoulder, “I’ll hold
you in my heart until the day I see you again.
Baby I love you.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Her funeral was four days later, and everyone was
there. Justin stood in front of the
church and spoke to everyone; “All of
you are here because Claudia touched your life. I know she touched mine, she changed my life, and I am who I am
today because of her.” He paused to
wipe his eyes. “But we can’t miss her,
because she will always be here. Every
time we think of her. Every time we
hear her voice, she will be right there with us. She told me once, that she didn’t know how she felt about this
whole dying thing.” There was a light
chuckle through the crowd, as people wiped their eyes. “There was no way to express in words what
she meant, only in music. Then she gave
me this tape, with the lyrics attached, so I wouldn’t miss the meaning, as if I
could.” He smiled as his voice broke. Justin quickly ran a handkerchief over his
eyes and continued, “On the tape was
the song ‘I’ll be there’ and I don’t even know who it’s by, but it sums up
everything for Claudia. And I feel
better knowing she believed it.”
Copyright © 2000, Amy
Lynn
The End
“I’ll Be There”
By: The Escape Club
Over mountains, over trees
Over oceans, over seas
Across the desert
I'll be there
In a whisper on the wind,
On the smile of a new friend
Just think of me and I'll be there
Don't be afraid oh my love,
I'll be watching you from above,
And I'd give all the world tonight to be with you
Because I'm on your side
And I still care,
I may have died but I've gone nowhere
Just think of me and I'll be there
On the edge of a waking dream
Over rivers, over streams
Through wind and rain,
I'll be there
Across the wide and open sky,
thousands of miles I'd fly,
to be with you
I'll be there
Don't be afraid oh my love
I'll be watching you from above
and I'd give all the world tonight to be with you
Because I'm on your side
I still care
I may have died but I've gone nowhere.
Just think of me and I'll be there
In the breath of a wind that sighs
Oh there is no need to cry
Just think of me and I'll be there . . .
© The Escape Club 1991
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