If She Would’ve Been Faithful
By: Lara
I was thinking about
her/Visiting the past/Reconstructing details with old photographs/I was
studying the faces with an objective point of view/Suddenly remembering doesn’t
haunt me…
Chris groaned and looked
at the clock. Three in the morning. It was his birthday. There had to be some
kind of rule that you HAD to sleep in on your birthday. He rolled over and looked
at Stephanie. Her strawberry-blond hair was streaming across the pillowcase.
Even in the dark he could envision it. He reached out and pulled one silky
strand through his fingers, constantly in awe of how lucky he was. He sighed
and carefully slipped out of bed, pulling on a pair of boxers before leaving
the room.
Chris padded down the
steps, heading for the kitchen. He poured himself a glass of apple juice before
heading back upstairs to his den. He turned on the light and carefully shut the
door behind him. He didn’t want to disturb Stef. He went to the CD player and
flipped it on, then went to the locked safe behind the painting on the wall.
His nimble fingers quickly dialed the combination and he swung the heavy door
open. He dug through the important documents and papers, smiling when he found
what he wanted. "Perfect," he said out loud, flipping open the jewel
case and extracting the CD. "Exactly what I want." He put the Vivaldi
CD into the stereo system and turned the volume down low. As he reached into
the bookcase for the photo album, he shook his head at his own craziness. He
had to hide the CD. If JC, Justin,
Lance or, God forbid, Joey, ever found out that he had a secret love for
classical music, he’d never hear the end of it.
Chris sighed as the
first strains of the violins poured through the speakers. He took a large gulp
of his juice and sat down. For the first time in a while, his fingers didn’t
shake as he opened the photo album. For
the first time in a while, he could smile at the goofiness going on between him
and Justin, or him and JC, and not notice the figure on the sidelines. For the
first time, he could look at her face and not want to claw her eyes out.
At the time you couldn’t
tell me/That one day I’d be glad/That something I thought was
love/Was
misinterpreted/She had another lover she emphatically denied/But they were
doing me a favor/A blessing in disguise…
The last picture in the
album was the day before the shit had hit the fan. It was Easter Sunday the
year before, and they were all at his mom’s. She had bought a new dress and was
SO beautiful. Chris could still admit it. She had long black hair and Elizabeth
Taylor violet eyes, and the dress was a robin’s-egg blue that took his breath
away. She made him so proud. She was beautiful and smart and everyone liked
her. It wasn’t an exaggeration to say that, either, he soon found out. Chris had gone back to his mom’s the next
day to do some work around the house while Beth went shopping. He told her he’d
be back by three, and they’d go run some errands together. He wanted to get
some things for the apartment, and he needed her opinion. It ended up that the
work his mother had for him took a lot less time then he had expected, and he
was driving up their street around two-thirty.
He slowed down to about seven miles an hour when he saw Beth on the
front step of their apartment building, wearing nothing but one of his
t-shirts. She was pressed against another man, their lips meeting in one last
embrace. The man’s arms were wrapped around her, and her hands were running
through short brown hair. The man looked familiar from the back, and then he
had turned around.
Chris slammed the photo
album shut. He could learn to get over Beth, but it would be another three
lifetimes before he could forgive his ex-good friend, Devon. Chris waited
around the corner for Devon’s Jeep Cherokee to speed by, then he slowly drove
up into the parking lot.
Beth denied everything.
Devon was hurt and upset because of a fight he had had with his own girlfriend
that day, and had come over to talk to Chris about it. Devon had looked so sad
and distraught that Beth felt sorry for him and invited him in. When Chris
asked just how many times Beth had invited him in, he was rewarded with a slap.
He pretended to let it go, but began to ask around. It soon became quite clear
that Beth had consoled Devon on a regular basis for the past four months.
If she would’ve been
faithful/If she would have been true/Then I would’ve been cheated/I would never
know real love/I would’ve missed out on you…
Chris downed the rest of
his juice and stretched out on the sofa, placing his arms under his head. He
stared at the ceiling and thought of the woman upstairs in his bed. The woman
who wore the sparkling small diamond engagement ring that had been his
grandmother’s. He could have bough Stef a large expensive new ring, but he
really wanted her to have this one, and he knew she loved it. She understood
the sentimentality behind it, and was totally happy with it. Beth never would
have been. Chris frowned at himself. He
had given up comparing Beth and Stephanie a long time ago…but he decided this
was different. At the beginning it had been all about what Stephanie didn’t do
that Beth did, but now…now he could only find good things about Stef and count
his blessings.
They had met two weeks
after Beth had moved out. Beth had immediately moved in with Devon, in a tiny
house across town. She moved most of her stuff on an afternoon when Chris was
in Atlanta doing a promotional show, and when he returned to the apartment he
was saddened by how empty everything was. He was so lonely that he actually
considered begging her to come back, but he made himself forget that idea and
start rearranging his things to fill in the empty space. In the process, he
found a few things that were Beth’s and that he wanted no part of. He packed up
a box and slowly drove to the house across town.
When he got there, a
young woman was carrying things from the house to her tiny car. "Hi,"
she said sorrowfully, and Chris was touched by the sadness in her blue-grey
eyes. "Are you one of HER friends?"
It was then that Chris
realized that this was Stephanie, Devon’s girlfriend. He had been out of town
when Devon had started dating her eight months earlier, and they hadn’t had the
chance to hang out much so Chris had never met Stef. "No…her ex,"
Chris answered finally. Stef’s eyes grew sympathetic.
"I’m sorry,"
she said.
"Me too,"
Chris replied. "Need any help?"
"No…I think I have
it all. Bringing some of her things?"
Chris nodded. "She
missed something."
"Yeah," Stef
said softly. She took a deep breath. "Well…I should get going."
"Wait." Chris
put a hand on her arm. "Would you like to have dinner with me? I just got
back into town and haven’t gone shopping yet. She did all the shop…I mean…I
don’t have anything in the house to eat because…" Chris stammered.
"Yes, that would be
nice," Stef answered slowly, the tiniest hint of a smile creeping onto her
face.
I watch you
sleeping/Your body touching me/There’s no doubt about it/This is where I wanna
be/You know it’s so ironic/I had to lose to win/Now I wanna thank her…thank her
again…
Chris slowly made his
way down the hall to the bedroom, trying not to make too much noise. He set the
candleholder down on the nightstand and pulled his boxers off. He climbed under
the covers with Stef and she stirred in her sleep, curling up next to him. He
sighed with contentment, running his hand up and down her bare back. That
dinner all those months ago had turned into a seven-hour evening, the two of
them sitting at a table in a twenty-four hour diner, talking about everything
under the sun. They were in a back booth; Chris knew he had to keep a low
profile no matter what when he was back home. It was all good though; no one
needed to see the two of them take turns crying. Stef was pretty and smart and
fun…when Chris could get her to smile she was beautiful. They didn’t talk for
two weeks after that, then he got the courage to call her.
Everyone thought they were
perfect for each other. Chris was wild and crazy, Stef was levelheaded and
grounded. They equaled each other out, and Chris was happier than he had EVER
been with Beth. The first time they
made love, about two months after they started seeing each other, Chris felt
things he had never even known existed. He put his arms around Stef and
squeezed her tight, feeling tears start to form behind his closed eyelids. He
was luckier than any man should be, and the past was just something that led up
to the joy he felt now.
Stef’s eyes fluttered
open as she felt his chest heave with a hidden sob. "Baby? You okay?"
She leaned on one arm, her eyes full of concern. She could make out the tears
on Chris’ face with the aid of the candlelight, and she gently wiped them away.
"I just…love
you…that’s all," Chris finally choked out. Stef smiled at him kindly. She
knew then that he had been down with the pictures again. He did this every now
and again. It had concerned her at first, but she soon realized that he was just
searching for the closure he needed to continue his life with her. She took his face in her hands and softly
kissed his lips.
"Happy birthday,
Chris."
The End
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Lara
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