What We Used To Be

By: Foxy Lady

Justin carried the last box upstairs to his new apartment. He felt weird moving back here, but now that college was done it was just understood that he would be moving back home. Time to put his education to good use and help out at the family business. Setting the box down on the floor, he walked over to the window. He pushed open the drapes that covered the window, and looked out. Sighing softly, he saw what was located just across the street. It was one of those places that held so many memories for him. He had no idea why he had rented a place just across the street from the place where he had spent so many afternoons with Lance. Even just seeing the place was bringing back so many old memories. Most good. A few bad.

Biting his lip, he closed his eyes as he took a deep breath. What he and Lance had shared had been so ... perfect. He still didn't understand why Lance had ended it. He had been willing to give up everything to be with him back then. He didn't care that Lance was older. He didn't care that he had this huge scholarship to go to UCLA to play basketball. All he had cared about back then was this boy, really not all that much older than him. This boy with green eyes and a beautiful smile that could light up the room. Nothing else mattered.

He wondered where Lance was. They had tried to keep in touch after the break-up and Justin was off in LA, but weekly letters became monthly letters and sometime during his sophomore year at UCLA, the letters had just stopped all together. The last time he had seen Lance face to face was the summer before he left, right after they ended things. They had both decided it would be easier for them if they didn't see each other. The pain was still too fresh. Even now he could feel a little twist in his heart just thinking about the past. It amazed him that six years ago he hadn't even known the boy that would occupy most of his life during his senior year of high school. Lance had come to town to go to school at the local university, and Justin had met him at a frat party one of his friends had dragged him to, a party he probably shouldn't even had been at in the first place, but that was just a minor technicality.

Lance had caught his eye almost the moment he was in the room. Well actually it was not his eye that had first drawn him to Lance. It was this loud deep chuckle that made him look Lance's way, and once it did he was hooked. He had found a way to be introduced to him, and they had ended up talking. By the end of the night, they were doing just a little bit more than talking. Well ... hell... a lot more. They were kissing and groping in one of the back corners of the living room. Him straddling Lance's lap, grinding down against him, fueled by the beer he had consumed and something else he couldn't quite explain, so he didn't even bother trying.

Resting his forehead against the glass of the window, he let himself come back from his memories. Glancing down, he noticed that even his memories of that first night with Lance were getting him hard. No matter what had happened or the amount of time that had passed, Lance still had an effect on him like no one else had since. He wondered where Lance was. He would surely be out of school by now. Had he gone back home to where he was from in Mississippi or had he stuck around here? He wondered if by some chance he could bump into him walking down the street one day.

Pushing away from the window, he looked around the apartment. Unpacking could wait. Checking to make sure his keys were in his pocket, he left the apartment and locked the door behind him. Taking the stairs two at a time, he reached the first floor and exited the building. Looking down the street each way, he tried to figure out where he wanted to go before looking across the street. Heaving a huge sigh, he walked across the street and looked into the window of the diner/bar that had been everyone's local hangout, overrun by the high school and college kids during the afternoons and the older crowd at night.

Pushing the door open, he walked inside and took a quick surveying look around. The place was kind of empty, but it was still early in the day. Once school was let out for the day, the kids would make their way here. He heard the door open behind him, but the memories were returning to him. Just seeing the place he and Lance had spent so many afternoons studying together. Someone running past him, brushing against his arm brought him back out of his memories. He turned his head to look at whom it was and his breath caught in the back of his throat. It was impossible. What was he doing here? All he could see was his back, but he would be able to recognize Lance even in the dark.

He stood frozen in the spot he had been standing in since he entered. He kept opening his mouth to try and speak. Say something to the man that had just ran his way back into his life. It barely registered in his mind when the waitress came up to him and asked if he wanted to be seated. Just shaking his head, he licked his suddenly dry lips. The waitress shrugged and walked away, walking over to where Lance was now leaning against the bar, and talking to the bartender quietly. The waitress whispered something in his ear that caused Lance to look back, and for a brief moment their eyes locked. Justin quickly looked away, and turned, running out of the diner before Lance even had a chance to say anything.

He ran across the street and into the building he lived in, not stopping until he was inside his apartment. He went over to the window and looked out, watching as Lance stepped out of the diner across the street, looking down the street. Even from here he could see how Lance was chewing his bottom lip as he tried to figure out where he had run off to. He almost silently willed Lance to look up and wondered if Lance could see him in the shadows of the semi-dark apartment. When Lance did look up, he held his breath for a few silent moments. Feeling as if Lance's gaze was on him, he nervously ran a hand over his shaved head. He watched as Lance took a step forward as if he was about to walk across, but he stopped himself and with a visible sigh he turned and walked back into the diner.

Justin stood there for a few moments wondering why Lance had not continued to walk across the street. If he had continued, Justin would have talked to him. No one knew what could happen. Just in the brief moment he had seen him, he could tell that his reaction to Lance was not any different. There had always been this undeniable pull to Lance whenever they were together. They could find each other even in a crowded room within seconds.

Biting his lip slightly, he continued to stand at the window, looking out at the diner across the street. When it began to grow dark, he sighed softly. He was tired of running, tired of missing him, tired of not having him in his life. He was tired of sleeping alone at night while his dreams were filled with memories of a love lost.

Leaving the apartment, he walked back across the street, stopping just inside the door for a moment as he looked for Lance. Smiling a little, he saw him over at the bar serving drinks. He now worked at the place he'd spent so much of his time for so long. Walking up to the bar, he sat on a stool at the end of it, watching as Lance continued to serve customers before finally noticing him sitting there. Something flashed for a moment in Lance's eyes as they met with his own, but Justin looked down at the bar quickly. He could hear Lance approach, but his gaze remained lowered.

Lance stopped in front of him, leaning his arms on the bar as he rested against it just slightly. "What can I get you?"

Justin sighed as he shook his head. "I hadn't even gotten that far in my head yet." He heard Lance's chuckle and looked up. Sighing softly, he heard the laugh, but the eyes weren't the same. Well they were. They were the same color and the same shape, but something in them was different. Something in them was sad. "Why did you stop and come back inside here?"

Lance stopped laughing and shrugged his shoulders. "Cause I figured if you wanted to talk you wouldn't have run off, but since you're here...”

Justin smiled softly. "Since I'm here you guessed wrong?"

Lance shrugged, picking up a towel from the bar and wiping at it. "Maybe. I guess you need to tell me the answer to that Justin."

Justin bit on his bottom lip as he watched Lance wipe down the dame spot on the bar over and over. "I'm here because I want to be here, beause I wanted to talk to you because I missed you, and when I saw you just then earlier ... something just clicked. Just like it always used to...."

Reaching over he covered Lance's hand with his own, stilling the motion of Lance's hand. When Lance looked up, Justin smiled softly. "Is that the answer you wanted to hear?"

Lance sighed shakily, shaking his head. "Justin ... come on. We haven't seen each other in years."

Justin shrugged. "So?"

Lance chewed on his bottom lip. "There has been a lot that's happened since we broke up all those years ago."

Sighing, Justin shrugged again. "So? It just means we have a lot to tell each other. You know you've always been able to talk to me Lance." Biting his lip, Justin looked down at the bar. "You know it isn't like I expect us to talk and work everything out in just one night, if we're ever even are able to do that. A lot of time has passed and you never know ...we might not have it anymore. The feelings might not be there. You might not even feel the same ..." Justin's rambling was stopped as he felt Lance's lips press against his in a soft kiss. When Lance pulled back, Justin smiled. "I was rambling, wasn't I?"

Lance nodded with a slight smile. "And when you rambled on and on I always knew how to shut you up." Sighing softly, Lance shrugged his shoulders. "I still think about you. I still miss you. It's just so much has happened."

Justin bit his lip. "Well, you can tell me when you want or you can tell me nothing at all."

"No. I'll tell you everything. I always have. That won't change." Lance reached and stroked Justin's cheek for a moment. "And it is still there. Never left. I just think we need to work on it, and find our way back to where we used to be."

Justin leaned into Lance's touch before turning his head and kissing the palm of Lance's hand. "I'm willing to work on it cause I liked where we used to be. Just now it'll be even better because it is us and we're older and we know more, but I'd like to be where we used to be again."

The End

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