In light of what has passed,

there still remains a question I must ask,

will you be mine forever?

or do you give your heart like an Indian giver,

give it to take it away one day,

and leave me quite dismayed,

alone,

in pain,

loving,

in vain,

please shelter me from the rain sweet angel,

give to me yourself eternally,

and I will give a promise that you will always be,

happy:

Like a bird flying in the sky,

the wind glides across the land,

carrying me into the arms of an angel,

looking deep into her eyes makes me think of the future,

I get a sense she will be mine,

my angel,

mine to love,

mine to hold,

she’s carrying me away now,

towards the brightening light,

I’m there now,

can you see me,

she’s mine now and I love her,

eternity will seem too short with my angel at my side:

More to the eyes than what we see,

more to this life than what appears to me,

cannot discern light from dark,

when together is far from being apart,

teaching to learn,

and learning to teach,

finding it is ok to preach,

breaking the silence with words from the past,

promising things you know will not last,

days come and days go by,

and still remains the question why,

forever seeking the answer to this,

thinking that maybe it will bring me bliss,

and in the end when nothing is learned,

and you’re left in vain with all your concern,

maybe then you will come to see,

the answer is not the mystery:

AT LAST

Drowning in,

euphoric streams of blue,

wondering if the light at the end of the tunnel is a myth,

or if I will behold,

the beauty of spiritual enlightenment,

when I cross over,

to the other side,

into the unknown,

I go with arms open wide,

to embrace peace,

at last I am free:

Hold my hand,

while I beckon to the sky,

of the past that has passed me by,

and feel my pain,

that haunts me everyday,

leaves me in vain,

makes me speechless and gray,

and try not to gloat,

cause I know my agony makes you smile,

will I sink or will I float,

guess I’ll find out in awhile:

Pristine sunset,

on the horizon,

burns,

into my mind,

a picture of beauty,

amplified,

a hundred times,

and what I see,

is you:

Murky pools of blue,

resound the depths of you,

as I think of butterflies in the springtime,

as they fly away and carry me back to you,

into your arms,

I want to go,

forever still,

you should know,

my love for you,

is real too,

so be with me,

until the sun,

has set upon the horizon,

and be with me,

in everything I do,

which always leads me,

back to you:

Listen to me,

I rant,

I rave,

I divulge my inner self,

that makes me think of you,

always trying to break the restraints,

they just don’t understand,

I’m drowning,

in an inch of water,

at the breakfast table,

dying of a broken heart,

or maybe they don’t care that I’m falling,

into a hole,

too deep to recover from,

suffering from amnesia,

but still remembering you,

still remembering yesterday,

longing for tomorrow,

but not caring,

that you left me alone,

to be with someone else,

just because they made you happy:

Endless falling,

given up already,

so beautiful,

fell in love with you,

useless love I have for you,

hang on the balance of sanity,

dreams I have of someone,

not sure of who,

not me:

Echo the hollow mind,

spill the contents of my soul,

set me adrift in the void,

throw dirt into the six foot hole,

plant dandelions on my grave,

let them flourish from my flesh,

my life I could not save,

so I died like the rest,

resurrect me come the end of time,

give me light to kill the black,

when alive I hated the world so sublime,

but still I’m coming back:

When the curtain falls and the set grows dark,

the shadows begin to creep in taking over the light,

as in my mind when I cannot feel,

my emotions crumble under the pressure of my surroundings,

my body leaves me to lay in pools of tears that I have cried in days since passed,

when I tried to find love,

but to no avail,

I retreat into myself to find peace but only end up feeling worse than before,

I search for the right direction to go,

but I can’t seem to find the path to lead me to my salvation,

drifting in and out of sanity I realize the meaning of time,

of love,

of life,

I close my eyes and the light is revealed to me,

as the curtain falls:

Speak to me in silence,

show me forgotten memories,

talk to me of anti-violence,

while you bleed sap from the trees,

isolate me inside myself,

gag me so as not to hear me scream,

set my life up on a shelf,

and tell me this is just a dream,

laugh at my pain while I sink into the sand,

tell me your thoughts on who you think I am,

breath down my neck,

and strip away my soul,

leave me to suffer,

down in this deep dark hole,

fill in the space that you have left with lies and

distorted truths,

while I fade away to nothing,

envious of your eternal youth:

Did you know what you do when you speak of him,

did you know I never want to feel again,

did you know my happiness has gone away,

did you know I wanted to take my life today,

did you know I think about you all the time,

did you know you’re the reason I’m losing my mind,

did you know that it’s you I want to hold,

forever as we both grow old,

did you know the sadness behind my eyes,

did you know it’s myself I despise,

did you know this is how it has to be,

did you know you’re the one that can set me free,

did you,

did you know?:

Seems distant now,

your voice,

over the telephone line,

calling out the events of the day,

like you really care what I think,

and here I am,

listening to you,

faintly smiling,

because of the feeling ,

in my stomach,

that you are drifting away,

don’t want to see you go,

so I hold on,

to the conversation,

in my mind,

so I can continue to think of you:

Darkness clouds my mind,

confused I can’t see the light,

harsh, beckoning calls,

follow my lead,

taken aback by the violence,

still planted the seed,

grows to aspire,

impurities known,

gone high, can’t go higher,

end is still to be shown,

fall into tomorrow,

your future is blown,

my soul you must borrow,

intentions unknown:

Bottled emotions,

released,

spread like a disease,

cloud the mind,

confuse the heart,

destroy the soul,

nothing left,

has achieved it’s goal:

Bleeding heart tells my sorrow,

for love that I had thought I’d found,

I’ll be dead before tomorrow,

buried deep within the ground,

cannot seem to see my future,

clouded by my endless tears,

It is him that seems to suit you,

thus confirming all my fears,

don not leave me in this darkness,

the one that remains for endless time,

stumbling around I endure the sadness,

which seems to be a pal-o-mine,

although just the start of things,

already feels like the end,

uncertain what tomorrow brings,

sure to feel the pain again,

must continue to move on,

although it is so hard right now,

loneliness greets me at the dawn,

must go on find a way somehow,

laying down for a restless sleep,

memories of you I keep,

still sinking into deep,

to finally meet my end,

I’m empty:

Endure,

in the name of love,

what comes and goes,

in an undulating wave,

of never ending emotion,

the book of life is opened,

I am blinded,

cannot see beyond today,

because of my ignorance,

I betray myself,

by revealing to you,

my heart,

slightly beaten,

looking like I need,

a new heart,

but then I fear,

I would not love you as much:

Fight with,

my anguished soul,

to stay alive,

although I'm not really living,

just surviving,

in a desolate world,

struggling to keep my sanity,

but slowly losing touch,

I fall,

in a downward spiral,

to the darkness below,

to be shattered,

into a million pieces,

inside my mind,

I gather myself up,

but am no better off

for the experience:

Blue skies of gray,

no sunshine display,

it’s raining today,

and you think it’s ok,

as you walk away,

I begin to decay,

just rot away,

am no more today:

Up,

down,

all around,

sanity cannot be found,

smile crazily like a clown,

throw them up and they all fall down,

scattered all over the ground,

watch them fade as you stand around,

gone forever,

cannot be found:

String breaks,

frayed ends show the cause

tossed away,

ignored,

no need to repair a lose end,

easier to throw away,

forget about,

still string exists,

wants to become whole again,

but no one cares,

tied up,

string accepts defeat,

is put away,

in locked drawer,

to remain forever frayed:

Blossom young flower,

grow to adulthood,

struggling to form the roots of life,

restrained by mother nature,

who holds on just a little too tight,

free yourself from the ties that bind,

expand your horizons,

expand your mind,

grow wings and fly away,

and live for the moment,

not for the day:

Happily Or Not

Curious am I,

about the future,

I conjure up in my mind,

impervious to the fact,

that I am my own maker,

making myself into what I think I want to be,

but never really knowing if it’s right,

constantly questioning my reasons for living,

wondering if it’s worth the struggle,

to maintain the inner light,

just so I can die,

happily or not:

It’s raining in Baltimore,

and the rain is stinging my head,

making me think of forever,

and the infiniteness of tomorrow,

and there you are,

laughing at me,

boasting of your superiority,

making me feel like an ant,

amongst the roaches of the world,

squishing me underfoot,

while you strive to reach your goal,

leaving me behind,

to fade away,

until you return,

with a handful of promises

and a mouthful of lies,

expecting me to believe,

that it will be different this time,

but I have seen the future,

once again you have deceived me:

Darken,

shades of blue,

shadow my sight,

making me see,

what you see,

beyond the edge of reality,

in the mist of understanding,

clouded in lies,

I find the truth,

hidden in between two memories,

of yesterday:

I love,

but it drives me crazy sometimes,

to listen to the words that escape your mouth,

in a repetitive noise,

that invades my senses,

making me wish,

I was in silence,

with myself,

instead of with you,

but still I love,

for I know it’s not impossible,

for you to change,

if you find your inner voice,

cause I know you will scream,

of the life you have been denied:

Still,

remnants remain,

of you,

in the house,

up on the hill,

in the center of the universe,

spinning towards oblivion,

trying to control,

the increasingly growing feeling,

that you left something behind,

in the bushes,

next to the woods,

in Minnesota:

Like a dream you appeared to me,

out of nowhere,

and like a dream you faded away from me,

away to somewhere,

cannot find you no matter how hard I try,

lost you in the shadows,

the shadows of my minds eye,

search and search to no end,

taking time for my heart to mend,

tried to forget you,

but you came back again,

like a dream,

and like a dream you faded away,

again:

Got so high,

can’t come down,

don’t know why,

doesn’t matter now,

all I know is that I cared,

until you were no longer there:

Evade my senses,

with false pretenses,

and try to prove me wrong,

and shove me down,

into the ground,

take off and drag me along,

break my heart,

and break my bones,

and tell me what to do,

so more and more each day

I may be in love with hating you:

Brilliant like the sun,

your face,

in my mind,

reminds me of an angel,

in the morning,

stretching her wings,

to the heavens,

leaving behind,

the essence of love,

tied together with a bow,

taken from my heart,

I stare,

at the ceiling,

still swearing I see a dove,

with a bell around his neck,

ringing in my ear,

about the love I have for you:

Angel with a mortals face,

come and take me from this place,

carry me to the sky above,

shower me in peace and love,

shelter me under your wing,

and tell me with the songs you sing,

tell me that life is fine,

touch my heart, but please be kind,

and never leave me all alone,

in the world,

on my own,

always stay by my side,

and know that to you I’ve never lied,

so now I lay me down to sleep,

and I pray to you my soul to keep,

so whatever you do don’t go away,

because I want to be with you till my dying day:

My soul escapes me,

happiness evades me,

love slays me,

while the masses laugh and stare,

I break down and fall to my knees,

while the man on the moon looks overly pleased,

and I wish that I didn’t care,

that you are not here,

but it depresses me so,

and it’s starting to show,

try to smile but it’s too unreal,

oh why oh why must I feel:

Voice of an angel,

speaking to me of the future,

in tongues,

letting me know,

she’s going to always be near,

never going to fly away,

into another’s arms,

leaving me alone,

voice of an angel,

calling out my name,

in wondrous glory,

making me believe,

I’m an angel too,

just like you,

angel:

Falling,

into nothing,

shouting,

at nothing,

smiling,

at nothing,

crying,

about nothing,

dying,

with nothing:

Swift,

hand of mercy,

crashes down upon my head,

as I wish,

that the man on the moon,

would stop laughing at me,

making me feel,

inferior to the world,

inferior to you,

I scream,

at the top of my lungs,

that I hate myself,

for being me,

but what can I do,

I’m only a man,

I’m only human:

On a cold night,

I sit,

and watch my life pass by,

before my eyes,

and I grow numb,

thinking about what could be,

but knowing that it will probably never happen,

and I wonder,

if I can touch the stars,

just by reaching out,

or if they will always be,

just far enough away,

to elude me:

Time seems to stop,

ensuring my insanity,

a stillness seems to drop,

upon my weary head,

calling out to you seems to do no good,

feeling that I want to die,

knowing that I should,

everything an ending,

nowhere to start again,

wave good-bye to everyone,

die with moral sin:

Collapse into a puddle of tears,

shadowed by all of my fears,

so much pain,

so few years,

cannot bare to look in mirrors,

see my face torn and scarred,

see myself shattered and marred,

see my head ready to explode,

see my soul as it goes,

feel my heart stop and cease,

finally I have found peace:

Reality is an illusion to the eyes, the senses,

an illusion of the common world that we speak of so highly,

and hidden within that false reality lies the truth,

but the truth is densely overshadowed by lies, deceptions,

some people believe it is ok to keep secrets,

but when certain barriers are overstepped a line must be drawn,

and those that choose to step past that line step into their own reality, their own world,

and deep within those worlds still exists the truth,

but the truth is immensely weak for the lies, the deceptions conquer all in these worlds:

Staring at,

reflection of myself,

in a mirror,

but the face I see,

doesn’t belong to me,

it belongs to you:

Speak to me,

of riddles and words,

speak to me,

of being disturbed,

speak to me,

of knowledge you know,

speak to me of winter and snow,

speak to me of feelings of old,

speak to me of bravery so bold,

speak to me and tell me no lies,

speak to me as slowly I die:

Forgive my

jealous heart,

for the hate I feel,

every time you mention his name,

but pain is all I feel,

when the fire is lit,

inside my soul,

I die,

a million times,

inside,

but you are unaware,

until I strike:

With desperation,

I scream,

to the sky,

that I want to live,

don’t want to die,

I beg for it,

not to fall,

before my time has come,

snuffing out my existence,

in a brief moment,

before the dawn,

of the coming change of time,

leaving me,

to never have experienced,

what could have been my Mona Lisa,

or my E=mc²,

I ask only that I be able to prove that not all life is pointless,

and that one person can make a difference:

Quietly he sits,

intently thinking,

wishing he was far away,

listens to the clock,

ticking, ticking,

slowly he starts to remember what love is,

he misses her,

times that seem so long ago come back,

with incredible clarity,

he starts to smile,

insanely,

can it be that life is no more that a dream?

maybe so, but it seems to be a painful reality more than anything,

why? he asks himself again and again,

is there a God? and if so why does he let good people suffer?

he starts to cry,

lost in his emotions what can he do?

he realizes the meaning of life, but cannot express what he feels,

trapped in a body which now seems like a cage,

he wishes he could fly away,

forget it all and start a-new,

he puts the gun in his mouth,

tasting cold hard steel,

pulls back the hammer,

pulls the trigger,

silence:

Journey to meet,

the one you lost so long ago,

there they wait,

upon a cloud as white as snow,

and they remember,

the way that things used to be,

they remember the love that was,

so strong,

so free,

so you embrace them,

at last together again so happily:

Burning ember of hearts desire,

carries me into gray,

finding that even under,

what we thought was the day,

lies a light shinning through,

that even in darkness,

leads me back to you:

Plunge into,

taste sweet nectar,

devour you,

sample each sector,

each part of you,

becomes me too:

Born into sorrowful arms,

not wanting to behold the beauty of life,

despised from the beginning,

never had a chance to set things right,

struggling to be understood,

always being put down,

knowing that he really should,

try not to wear a frown,

summons up his inner strength,

yet still he is weak,

ready to go to great lengths,

for the attention he seeks,

then one day he just gives up,

he takes his own life,

only then do his parents notice,

something is not right:

YOU WALK AWAY

You walk away,

and leave me behind,

you walk away,

as thoughts of me fade from your mind,

you walk away and do not return,

you walk away with lessons you’ve learned,

you walk away and take my heart,

you walk away and I fall apart,

you walk away and I say good-bye,

you walk away and I start to cry,

you walk away and I follow you,

you tell me to stay,

but I can’t ,

cause I still love you,

you walk away,

into the falling snow,

you walk away,

and still I can’t let you go,

and still you walk away:

Your voice,

rings in my ear,

as beautiful as a harp,

strung with angels hair,

being played,

by the sun,

on a summer afternoon,

I listen,

to the melody,

until night falls,

then I wait,

until the dawn,

I wait,

for you to call my name,

again:

Once again,

false promises betray,

the souls of trusting fools,

leaving behind,

shattered remains,

of what used to be,

in the minds of idiots,

who believe in miracles,

they try to understand,

what is said,

when the clock chimes,

at the crack of dawn,

on a cold November morning,

I lay in the snow,

making angels,

pretending they are you,

and I swear I see your face,

at the end of the tunnel,

in my mind,

and you’re whispering to me,

about the possibility,

of eternity:

Cold now,

except for the warmth,

in my heart,

because of the feeling,

that maybe life has a meaning,

that maybe I made someone happy,

with the rose,

that I left,

in the morning,

on her pillow,

while she slept:

Why

asks the man on the street,

in ragged clothes,

why should I live for tomorrow,

when it will be just like today,

why should I subject myself,

to the insanity of living,

when death can take my troubles away:

Pushing,

into the unknown,

with you,

I float,

on wings unseen,

I drift into heaven,

with you,

I fall into bliss,

when your lips touch mine,

I explode,

into pieces,

with you,

I feel comfortable,

loving you,

fills me with joy,

makes me feel,

like the day,

you said I love you too:

Your words come to me in my darkest hour,

clear and undistorted,

you speak to me of vacant thoughts,

when the thoughts aren’t really vacant just oppressed,

you say you’re feeding on the trees of your youth,

portraying a dove,

you say that I come from a special place,

In your brain,

you say that all you see is me,

and yet he still remains,

what does this tell of you except that you don’t know what you desire,

you speak of him so highly,

am I nothing to you now?

just a character in a play maybe,

or maybe just no one at all,

I do not wish to forget about you,

but can’t look at you without feeling pain,

please set me free,

release me with your words,

your love,

help me to escape myself,

help me to find you again:

I realize sometimes that beauty is a death wish

I look into her eyes and know that the innocence is a mask

But how well she wears it

Why does she seem like an angel to me when she smiles?

I wonder what it would be like to be in her arms

To kiss her lips

To wake up in the morning with her head next to mine

But her love is fleeting

Except for a few

And I don’t think I can ever be one of the few

Too many times I have let myself fall into her eyes

Even when I am loved by another

Why do I feel this way I can’t understand

But it’s killing me slowly

And even if she knew

She would still smile like nothing had changed

And I would still fall for her again and again:

Compromise

With life sometimes comes compromise

We can be blind when it comes to seeing that others have problems with the way we are

And it gets to a point that changing is a difficult thing to do

So it would seem that if change is a forced issue

Then where does that leave us in the scheme of life

But afloat in oblivion with the other fools too blind to see the truth