Jens August Bitch Journal 2002

Friday August 30, 2002

I need some of this right NOW!

Thursday August 29, 2002

So I think someone needs to slap me cuz I’m all happy and stuff. I think I just may be in love…sigh…Yeah, I need to be slapped.. Cuz you know what that means right? I’m not going to have any good writing material until this one breaks my heart into 50 billion pieces!! I guess I could write some gay love songs. But who really wants that? Does the world really need another love song? Another “oh baby I need you” or “oh you mean the world to me”? NO...I think if I did that I would look back at what I wrote months from now and want to stab myself with the pen I wrote the song with. Oh yeah, my mom is coming to town tonight so that should dampen my happy spirit. She’s against happiness, smiles and men. I cant wait to hear her commentary on my love life. CANT WAIT!!!!!

Wednesday August 28, 2002

This image makes me laugh and laugh….sigh. so check out this horoscope. I'm not sure if I should be happy or afraid of the secret admirer finally coming out of the shadows reference.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 The world is your oyster, Taurus. Over the next days, your beauty shines forth in ways that you never imagined possible. People of all walks of life are mysteriously drawn to you. You are as lucky as you feel, especially in the areas of love and calculated risk. Don't feel as though you have to please everyone -- you are free to choose your own company. Tonight, a secret admirer finally comes out of the shadows.

Tuesday August 27, 2002

A pictures worth a thousand words right? Yeah, its Tuesday... and this about covers it from good ole Butch himself. If you are really bored…like me…right now…try this link.It’s a crazy color test. I did it at first because I was bored (like now) and was surprised at the results. It can tell you EXACTLY what is going on with you from the colors you choose. It was really accurate for me. which was just plain TRIPPY!

Monday August 26, 2002

Monday Monday. Aren’t they so much fun??? I don’t really have anything to say because I feel like puking at the moment. Nice huh? Yeah..its a nice feeling. I don’t know why but I feel sick and at the same time crave Fig Newton’s from the vending machine here at work. God knows how long they have been rotting in there. Wait, can Fig Newton’s rot? Hmm..well.. theres a thought for you

Friday August 23, 2002

I can so relate to this little girl in the photo. It’s the story of my life I SWEAR! People who think they have such important things to say opening their mouths and speaking like idiots. But anyhoo..its Friday! Thats always a great thing even if my check is already spent.My mom is coming into town next weekend so its a big cleaning weekend for me. Me and a bottle of 409..god its such a special friday. My mom has this obsession with that fortress of evil IKEA. I cant wait to spend my Saturday from open to closing there.(note sarcasm) I mean, they have some cool stuff, I shouldnt rag on them but there are some obsessed people with that place and that Michaels craft store. Why cant my mom be obsessed with something cool, like the latest in indie rock or something? Ah, well...I guess I will go and press my khaki capris and white tee so I can fit in with all the other females at IKEA.

Thursday August 22, 2002

Wednesday August 21, 2002

It’s Wednesday and I couldn’t be more overjoyed than if I was Ronald McDonald right now. I’ve been listening to a lot of Deftones music lately. I’ve also been writing more. Seems that I have some great material to reflect on… like an ex who was a complete LIAR (yeah you ya little bitch, I know you read this) and some current stuff (that I cant really talk about for fear of jinxing myself) that has me wishing I could have an operation to get my heart removed. Sometimes just feeling and thinking sucks ass. I have a new song called numb which pretty much sums up a lot for me. I’ll put it up here shortly. I just want to feel numb sometimes…just feel nothing…oh well, I guess I should be careful what I wish for. With my luck, god is planning a bus to run into my car and leave me paralyzed from the neck down so I really do FEEL nothing…not quite what I had in mind, but with my luck..that’s what I would get.

Tuesday August 20, 2002

I so need to be cool. My life is so incomplete…thinking for myself…not having a group of peers telling me how to act and look…sigh…I’m just so uncool. Happy Tuesday by the way..I dont know who I am saying this too other than myself and the thought that someone actually reads this..but hey. Im having the worst back pain and a friend gave me some drug she got from a trip to Germany. Now Im all sleepy,not to mention Im at work. I feel like a zombie. I also feel like this business with child kidnappings and the media has gotten out of hand. You would think this hadnt been happening for years. Media sucks..just like that anthrax scare..werent we all supposed to die opening our mail? I think I am rambling a bit..I will blame it on the foriegn drug I just took...I now support international terrorism by having taken it...shit...Im so gone.

Monday August 19, 2002

So, you know what I love?? I love that Mr. Butch Walker has a video out for My Way. Meanwhile EmptyV still sucks ass but I’m glad there are artists like him who still push forward regardless. Here is a Link to My Way , but this will probably fail. (see how positive I am) but try it..if it doesn’t work, go here

Friday August 16, 2002

There is something about being the shy quiet one that really pushes peoples buttons. I don’t know why but I kind of like it. I mean, the power in being silent is amazing. I’m not one for being the center of attention but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a stage in my head just observing the world. People are funny. Friends like to tease me of course...”why are you so quiet?” What is that saying? Always look out for the quiet ones? Yeah, there is something really wrong with a person in this world shutting their mouth for 5 minutes and thinking before they speak. I really need to just fire off my mouth like one of about a million other idiots. Like take Metallica for example. read this insanity and tell me that people don’t need to just stay silent sometimes. God, they really need to get out of rehab and play music. Instead of taking up crappy causes...whiny bitches.

Thursday August 15, 2002

People are odd. Ever know someone who resists the idea that ANYONE could possibly be happy? I'm with this guy right now...I'm happy...I have this friend (female) knows I'm happy. and doesn't like it. She wants to set me up with her brother WHO by the way, has some total mental issues from what I have heard. Wonderful..Thats what I need, a mental patient for a boyfriend. Anyways, here is some recent ramblings.

I don’t know what to really say
Complacency, swallowing my words today
Comfortable silence
I see something so timeless
Watching resistance and defeat crossbreed
There’s nothing solid you want from me
But you surrender over and over again insistently
The twist of your arm that you blamed from the start
Felt the overwhelming illness of a crush weaken
The strength of your misgivings apart
What if fear of rejection found your backbone and stood
With both feet making their impressions harder this time
Do you let it remind you of yesterdays denial or
Look before you leap and make fear your bitch
instead Of being a slave to its ignorant influence
The voices in your head, you think I can’t hear them
But I know how they drown out reason
Because I can’t catch my breath with the same unexpected thoughts either

Wednesday August 14, 2002

Sometimes my horoscopes is so right on. This one is. I've definitely had a perspective shift. Its so weird. Things I used to be so anxious and overly dramatic about in my head are now things I am calm and mellow about. I'm in no rush for anything right now and I mean ANYTHING! I don't want to plan things for tomorrow or months from now. Just day by day. What a concept change. I think my brain is morphing into a mans and that in itself should frighten me. I just hope I don't grow a penis anytime soon.

See Jane read. Read Jane read.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 If you've learned anything from the Universe so far this year, it's that nothing is set in stone. You can expect a big perspective shift right now. Those who know your moods are quick to step in when they see the change, but those who aren't paying attention could be quite shocked at the turn of events. Extra publicity is useful if you have something important to say, but it's only a hindrance if you want to remain silent.

Tuesday August 13, 2002

and its only Tuesday...sigh...

Monday August 12, 2002

I found this site and thought is was hilarious. satanicide Abstinence rocks..hahaha..wow, who can say that with a straight face. Good lord. Oh yeah..so my last entry about the cheating guy. well...Ive had a few days to think about that one. I still feel the same, that he is a complete ass but Im going to focus on the fact that I kicked his bitch butt out when I did. No use crying over spilled milk right? *whimper* I mean, its completely messed up but Im not with him and why focus on it. Hes out there getting some cybersex slut all horny through a webcam and I have someone now Im seeing who I dont have to see through a computer screen.Internet dating is wierd. What ever happened to actually talking to someone face to face? Are people that lazy now? or do I mean insecure? Damn..Rejection sucks and all but so does realizing its 3am and you are up typing on a keyboard to some stranger in this fantasy world. NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW or anything. *cough* ....and on that note, here is another link that will make you wonder what the hell Im on..dirtysanchez

Friday August 9, 2002

Today is an interesting day. I found out last night the guy I had been dating for 2 years, was cheating with some girl he met on the internet. Him and I broke up a while ago but this was all new news for me. The girl called my house because he had called her from my home saying he was house sitting awhile ago and I guess she wanted to get in contact with him because he blew her off. House sitting?? what the?? He's such a little bitch. This chick is on a warpath that called me. I cant say I feel sorry for him though. He deserves what he gets. Sorta renews my faith in not trusting people...if that makes sense. Its weird how a few words and a moment in time can change your whole perception of a situation in seconds. Maybe tomorrow I will feel a bit different but I think it all sucks ass. I know this could all make me super bitter and I don't want to become this bitter bitch who hates men. Such a fine line. What the hell is wrong with a little fucking honesty?? Heaven forbid a guy actually speak the fucking truth to a girl and THINK without his dick for 5 minutes. Harsh. I know. but I'm just spent on all this putting myself out there. UGH..so is your Friday?

Thursday August 8, 2002

I was over at MarvieWorld checking out the old web cast photos. I love this one. wonder why. Hmmm...So, what's going on with me today? I'm just working soooo hard right now. I mean...soo hard....sigh...If you are into hip hop/jazz type music, there is this cool group called the Spooks I just stumbled across. What's this. no Jesus satire from me today you ask? no...not today. thought Id do my good deed for the day and not spew my rotten views. I do have some interesting internet porn I stumbled across that I could probably put up tho.......Oh you sick bastard, hoping for a link to that...tsk.. tsk