March 15 2k2

From now on, you will all refer to masterbating as “Killing kittens”. EX: you see a hott girl in a bikini, you say “I definantly need to go kill some kittens”. Or someone asks you to name one thing you do regularly, “mostly kill kittens”. Also, stealing will from now on be known as “Obtaining”, OR “Acquiring”. You can tell if a comedian is gonna be funny or not within the first 3 minutes of his act, so says Dan. Good thing I came across that pic, or I’d have nothin! Hey, glad you’re still with me, now I know I usually tend to differ things in my opinion, so I will just go in various directions. Its all pretty much downhill after that kitten thing.

First things first. For all of you guys out there that had to ever put up with having to say “I love you too” notice the “too”. Guys don’t ever voluntarily say I love you, unless they fall into the following categories: You’re desperate to hang on to a girl. You want some ass. Your name is jeff. You have no other option, because nobody else will go out with you. Or you’re just creepy. THAT’S IT. I know there are some girls out there that actually think that guys say it because they actually mean it, and its true. These men fall under the following categories: You just gave the guy head. You just allowed him to have anal sex with you. You bought him dinner….wait, that will never ever happen. You didn’t piss him off for at least 3 days. Or you became the best girlfriend on earth and made out with your hottest female friend while the guy watched.

HATELIST: ****I hate the fact that I’ve had the same teacher for 2 classes and I’ve been 10 minutes late everyday for 2 semesters and he STILL closes the damn door, KNOWING that I will just knock on it so he has to reopen it every time. ****I hate when people, girls mainly, fuck it, I hate when girls think they are popular and so well known and liked. But really, its only because guys think you’re hott, and want to put their penis inside your body. 9 times out of 10, the average looking girl sitting next to you is actually way cooler. You just have a lot of guy friends because it makes them look “cooler”, and it’s more entertaining for them to look at you. Think about it, gain 50 pounds and see how many friends you have then. Trust me, nobody likes a drunk fat chick, whats the point……..like guys are gonna want to take advantage of you?

FACTS: ****I'm sure you've all heard that blacks are more likely to die from AIDS than any other race, and i came up with the answer. Blacks on welfare get money to spend on food, the actual money they do have gets spent on clothes that don't fit, and shiney things for their cars. my point is, you can't buy condoms with foodstamps. Man if you're black and reading this, you want to hurt me right now...but man what i just said is true. ****Also, I don't really think that other races are afraid of blacks, but rather, their inability to use a rational thought process when dealing with negative emotions. I'm also pretty sure that none of them[blacks] have inner voices to tell them "if you shoot whitey, whitey don't come back". But then again, when you drink 40's all day, and have AIDS, you probably don't care anyway.

FUN THINGS: (aka: what I stole lately) ****Going to multiple stores, and Obtaining many many DVD’s in a night. Spending quality time with your girlfriend. Obtaining gas. Setting off my car alarm from inside a restaurant, then going outside and screaming at whoever is closest to the car. Acquiring $60 jeans, and $50 khakis. Obtaining a hard drive. Acquiring printer ink. Obtainifying 80 movies from where you work, and then sell them on EBAY. Bitching out strippers and tell them what bullshit jobs they do on stage. Now, I know some of you are hanging your heads in shame, or are thinking to yourselves that you are so much better of a person than I am because you don’t Obtain things. But what it all comes down to is a simple saying and my outlook on life, “why spend my money on stuff I can get for free(and then just end up spending all that money on FIXING YOU FUCKING CAR)” . So for those of you who work shitty part time jobs like me, and are considering spending all that money on clothes or movies or hookers, next time think to yourself, “would jae, richie or david pay for this?” I trust you can make the right choice, just as you made the right choice to actually read all this.

And hey, if you took offence to any of this, not only does it apply to you, it is also very true.