C r a v e

And so I can't ignore, my heart is bruised and sore
my sanctuary has been raked, been raked.
My soul is colored red from all the love I bled
my crucifixion is complete, complete.
Now I need a substitute for...

...the love that you gave
now I just can't be saved
and there is no salvation for me.
My sin was to touch but I wanted it too much.

No matter how I try, I still can't justify
my absolution is denied, denied.
And so i'm left to burn, my body craves and yearns
the beast inside me is alive, alive.

"Finally" Justine thought. She was making it big now. Sure ECW has been great to her and she probally would have stayed if it wern't for him, but then again she shouldn't have left Tommy. She always believed in loyalty, afterall Paul gave her the break of her life. After 3 years of busting her ass in small independent promotions Paul Heyman decieded to give her a shot. He did however make it clear she had to prove herself before getting into and big storylines. After being in ECW for a year she finally got the push she was waiting for. Paul informed her that she would be working with Raven for the next few monthes, to further along her character as he put it.

Now granted Justine had been in ECW for a year she never really communicated with Raven, he was a fairly reserved person. Kept to himself really, she did see him out with some of the guys occasionally when she was out. A few hellos here and there and that was pretty much it.

"Justine is something wrong?" Tommy asked with concern?
Justine looked up at Tommy for a few seconds. "Not really, why?"
"Your just kinda quite" he said.
"Sorry just thinking" I said griining at him.

Tommy was a extremely nice guy. Somtimes to nice..he deserved that ECW title but he was about doing good for the company so he always gave up his shot, for the betterment of the company as he put it. Sometimes it surprised me that Tommy wasn't married or dating anyone, I mean he was very good looking and was constantly hit on from various women that attened the shows. I was interested in him sure but he was 32 and I was 23, he probally thought of me as a little sister.
I looked back up at him and he kissed me on the forhead.
Yep a little sister.

Finally my plane landed. I got off the plane and headed to pick up my rental car. Finally I was on my way to the arena. But again my thoughts drifted back to ECW..more importanly Tommy.
God I missed him. Why am I so stubborn..maybe if I had told him my feelings he would be sitting right next to me.
Who am I kidding Tommy would never leave ECW unless he had to. Tommy WAS ECW. Through the companies ups and downs he was always their assuring the guys to just stick it out, giving up his spot for the other guys. Tommy would never leave, it was his life. A life I would never be apart of.

Being in the WWF was extremely different for me. I don't think i'll really get used to it. Some of the superstars here are not very friendly, especially the girls. I don't think about them though..I do my thing then head back to my hotel to write.
Seems i've been doing alot of that lately but sometimes I tend to daydream.

Im sitting their looking at Francine and Tommy talking. She would save some time if she just jumped on him right their. He seems somewhat interested. Damn jealousy.
"Justine are you ready?" Scott asked. I turned towards him and nodded. After the show Francine leaves with Tommy even though I drove here with him. He didn't even ask if I had a ride. Everyone is pretty much gone after I shower and change. I walk out to the parking lost and see 2 cars still their. I sat down on the curb waiting for whoever the cars belonged too. A half hour later out walks Scott.
"What are you doing still here?" he asked.
"No ride" I said quitely.
"I thought you came with Tommy?" he asked.
"I did but he left with Francine"
Scott just chuckled and grabbed my arm to pull me up. "Ride with me"
"If you insist."

Someone knocks on my door. I get up to get it, it's Terri. Terri was probally the only female in the WWF that was polite to me. We talked a few times, nothing big. Alot of times people judged her on her charcter on TV.

"You seemed kinda down today..I just came to see if you were ok." Terri said. I stepped aside and she walked in.
We sat in silence for a few minutes.
"Wanna talk about it?"
"I miss ECW. I don't fit in here. You, Matt, Jeff and Amy are the only ones that make any attempt to be nice to me. I don't want to be here anymore." I said flatly.
"Honey you have to give them a chance. They are like that to everyone". Terri said.

Part 2

Justine sat on the plane reading the note Tommy gave her before she left. She didn't have the nerve to read it earlier so she held onto it for 3 weeks before finally opening it.

Justine,

I just wanted to say first off that im really going to miss you alot. Secondly, I never told you this in fear of losing your friendship. However I feel you have a right to know now. I've always felt this strong connection to you. At first I thought it was just a strong friendly bond we had but as time wore on I saw you in a differant light but never acted on it or told you about it because of are age differance. And I didn't know how you would react. As time went on and everytime I looked at you I felt this overwhelming sense of love for you. At first this scared me because i've never felt this way about anyone before and I didn't want you to reject me. So all I ask is that when you read this and you feel the same let me know. If not pretend you never got this letter and let's continue are friendship as it was before. Best wishes on your career in the World Wrestling Federation. Take care and be careful...you've always been a daredevil in the ring.

Love Tommy

Justine sat in her seat stunned at what she just read. She made a mental note to call Tommy as soon as she got to the arena. She hadn't talked to him since she left. She was so busy with her current storyline..and partily she missed him to much to even call him and his his voice. She contemplated visiting him at shows a few times but decieded against it. She wouldn't have had to heart to leave again.

Justine made it to the arena in record time. After throwing her bag in the ladies lockerrom she headed to call Tommy. On her way there she ran in Amy.
"Hey Justine what's up?"
"Nothing much just going to make a phone call..."
"Oh..speaking of phone calls guess what?!"
"What?"
"I just got off the phone with Francine and she told me her and Tommy are dating! Isn't that something?"
Justine just stood there stunned for a few seconds.
"Yea that's something.."
She turned around and headed back towars the lockerroom.
"Justine..phones are that way!"
"I know I forgot something."

Justine sat in her lockerroom starring at the note and reading it over a few times before finally balling it up and tossing it in the trash can.
"So much for that" she thought.

...the love that you gave

Tommy sat next to Francine while Paul went over a few things for tonights show. He wondered why Justine never called him. Maybe she hated him or something now. He was awaken from his thoughts as Paul E. said his name.

"Tommy I talked to Vince McMahon today and he wants you to come and do a spot on Smackdown next week with Tazz. Feel up yo it?"
tommy thought about it for a few seconds then thought about Justine. He knew he needed to see her again..atleast one last time.
"Yeah no problem Paul".

Part 3

"what's wrong honey you look like you just lost your best friend." Terri said.
Justine got up and fished out the crumpled up letter from the trash and handed it to Terri who read it.
"And your sad because?" Terri asked.
That was 3 weeks ago. I just found out from Amy that he and Francine are now dating." Justine answered.

"Honey im sorry..but you've still got to tell him how you feel, you can't hide it." Terri said.

"I can't Terri..it's too hard."

now I just can't be saved
and there is no salvation for me.
My sin was to touch but I wanted it too much.

No matter how I try, I still can't justify
my absolution is denied, denied.
And so i'm left to burn, my body craves and yearns
the beast inside me is alive, alive.

One week passed and I was still miserable. Vince told everyone that Tommy was comming to Smackdown yesterday at the house show in Charlotte. I haven't been able to think of anything except the fact that I would be seeing in less then 24 hours. What was I going to say? Sorry I lost the letter. He wouldn't buy it. Maybe he won't even mention it at all. My luck he will...

Tuesday came and I was a nervous wreck. He would probally be here around 1 or 2 o'clock and it was already 12:30, yet I still had no idea what I was going to even say to him.

1 Hour later

Justine sat in her dressing room trying to avoid anything that was going on in the arena. What she didn't know was that Tommy had just arrived 5 minutes prior.
She heard a knock on her door and got up to get it.
"Oh hey, what's up Amy?" Justine asked Amy who was standing on the opposite side of the door.
"Just came to let you know Tommy is here!" Amy said excited. "Come on" she said dragging me by my arm out into the arena.
Dragging behind Amy I tried anything to get out of going. "Amy stop..I was doing something i'll be out in a minute."
"Bull..your comming with me" she laughed. At that point I really didn't resist anymore..their was no point in doing it.
Walking out into the arena following Amy I saw Tommy standing a ways away talking to Hunter and Vince. He looked our way when he heard Amy talking loudly. My breath caught in my throat when I saw him, I kinda stumbled a little trying to stop Amy who was walking towards them. Just then Vince and Hunter walked away leaving Tommy by himself.
"Great" I thought. I then heard Matt calling Amy who then ran off towards Matt and Jeff leaving me standing their 10 feet away from Tommy. At that point I heard not a single sound around me. My attention was focused soley on Tommy. Just then he smiled a warm smile at me.
"Hi Justine..it's good to see you, you look great." he said
"Thanks, it's good to see you too." I said.
There was a few seconds of silence before Tommy said "Can we go talk somewhere?"
"Umm yea follow me."

We headed towards the arena and walked down the ramp. The only people in thelarge arena was a few crew members still setting pyro and the set up.
We sat in the stands a ways away from anyone.

"So..uh what did you want to talk about?" I asked.
"Did you get the letter I gave you before you left?" he asked. I bit my lip.
"Yea I did..however I didn't read it until 3 weeks after I was gone. I would have read it sooner but I was still sad from leaving. Anyways..I read the letter and when I got the the arena I went to call you but ran into Amy..she then told me you and Franny were dating. I didn't want to get involved in that or cause trouble so I let it go. I figured you moved on so I had to." Justine said before looking down at her hands.
"Damn..I don't know what to say. But me and Francine deceided to just be friends. I told her about the letter and she understood completely." Tommy said.
"Oh.." I said unknown of what to say.
"I have to ask you a question. Do you feel the same about me?"
I pondered that thought for a minute, altough I knew I did I wanted to think about it before comming straight out with it.
"Yeah..I do. That's why I didn't call you after I found out. It kind of hurt a little..I guess I was jealous."

Before I could finish Tommy leaned over and kissed me. It wasn't a forceful kiss. It was very gentle. Deep inside the man known as "The Innovator of Violence" was a sweet gentle and very sexy man that I was hopelessly inlove with. At that point I thought my heart was going to melt right on the spot.
We broke the kiss after what seemed an eternity. He looked at me and gave me a little grin. I just smiled and looked down at my hands. The silence between us started until we heard clapping. Looking at the ramp we noticed Terri, Matt, Jeff and Amy standing their with huge grins on their faces before turning around running to that back again.
"I'm going to kill them" I muttered.

The day went pretty fast after that..I wasn't nervous anymore at all which helped. Me and Tommy went out after the show and talked for a long time before we ended the night..together.

Waking up next to Tommy proved to be one of the best experiences in my life. I never thought I could be this happy. I could tell Tommy was happy to.

The time came when he had to leave and continue his commitments to ECW. We both agreed to try a relationship out. We knew it would be difficult, it being almost long distance and all. However when we had time we visted eachother at various arena's we were preforming in. Sometimes on a good week we could actually spend 2 full days together. Being in differant Federations was tough..each having differant road schedules but it was working out pretty good.

I was getting a few days off for the holidays as was Tommy. We deceided to spend it together. We were going to spend that weekend at Tommy's house. I got their Friday afternoon, he was planning to get home early Saturday morning then we would have until Tuesday to spend time with eachother.

I couldn't wait to get off the plane and to Tommy's so I could eat, take a shower and rest a little before he got home.

Walking into Tommy's house I turned some lights on. In the kitchen I threw my keys on the counter and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge.
I headed towards the living room and turned on the radio before I sat down in Tommy's big leather chair. I closed my eyes for a few minute. I looked over and saw the light blinking on his answering machince.
"Hmm wonder if I should check it..maybe he left a message for me". After some contemplating of even getting up and listening to the messages I finally pushed myself out of the chair and walked over to the machine and turned around to sit down again.

"Tommy this is your mother call me when you get home honey."
I chuckled a little and listened more.
After a few messages from some friends I heard a high pitched baby-like voice come on.

"Hi Tommy..it's me Dawn Marie. I had a GREAT time last night. Maybe we can do it again baby."

"What the fuck!" I screamed.
How could he..I thought he loved me. He even told me. I sat in the chair crying.

The next morning

Tommy pulled in the driveway thankful to finally be home and spend time with Justine. He turned the car off and sat in the car for a minute or 2. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a little velvet box. Opening it he looking at the ring he planned on giving Justine today. Marriage. He never imagined himself being married. bUt when he thought of him and Justine together he knew it was right. He just knew it was perfect.

He expected Justine to still be sleeping when he got in afterall it was 7am.
He walked in the dark house and flipped on the livingroom light.

"Justine? what are you doing?" Tommy asked.
Justine was sitting in the chair head down crying. She looked up and her eyes were all bloodshot from crying and apparently not sleeping. He also saw hurt, anger and confusion there too.

"Justine what's wrong" Tommy asked concerned. He ran over to her and sat down.

"Don't touch me..don't you ever touch me again" she said calmly.

"Huh? I don't understand?" Tommy said confused.

Justine jumped up and pushed the play button on his answering machine. After skipping over a few messages she came to the one she wanted him to hear.

Tommy listened to the message.

"Justine..I'm sorry I never meant to hurt you I swear. I missed you so much and I was drinking alot that night. She means nothing to me. I love you with all my heart please listen to me." Tommy said.

Justine looked up at Tommy still crying.
"People don't cheat on people they claim to love. Don't ever talk to me again Tommy. I gave you so much. I gave you my heart and you stepped on it. I gave you my soul and you burned it. I gave you my body and you abused it. I gave you ME and you threw it away."

With that Justine grabbed her bags and ran out to her car crying with Tommy following after her."

"Please Justine just talk to me. Don't leave please!" Tommy yelled as she drove off.

In the car

Justine turned on the radio to drown out the sound of her crying.

...the love that you gave
now I just can't be saved
and there is no salvation for me.

"I cant believe him.." Justine said.
She reached down to grab her purse when she swerved into oncomming traffic...
"Nooo.."

Justine lay in a puddle of her own blood.

"Hello?" Tommy asked hoping it was Justine.
"Tommy Laughlin?" the person asked.
"Um..yes who's calling?"
"This is County Hospital. We had a young lady rushed into the ER not to long ago and the only information we could find to contact someone was you. Justine Bowman was that young lady. We need you to come down to the hospital Sir." the lady said.
"WHAT HAPPENED?" Tommy yelled frantically.

"Sir she's been in a car accident."
"I'm on my way!" Tommy hung up the phone and ran out to his car.

"Justine Bowman? I'm here to see her!" Tommy said to the nurse behind the desk."
"Sir you'll have to wait here for a minute."
Tommy stood by the desk a nervous wreck waiting for the nurse to get back.
"Sir come with me."
Tommy followed the nurse into a room with a table, a few chairs and random things scattered about.
"What's this? I want to see Justine. Is she ok?" Tommy asked.
"The doctor will be right in Sir you have to talk to him."

10 minutes later

The door opened and Tommy jumped up.
"Is she ok..what's going on?"
"I'm Dr. Harris. I took care of Justine Bowman. Are you her husband? he asked.
Tommy reached down and felt the box still in his pocket.
"No.." he said quietly. "Im her boyfriend."

"Well..Mr. Laughlin Justine was rushed into the ER. She was involved in a very serious car accident. We did everything we could to help her but it was just to bad. I'm sorry but she died about 20 minutes ago." Dr. Harris said.
"No..it's not true, your lying. Let me see her!" Tommy yelled.

"I'm sorry Sir. But theirs one other thing. Seeing as you were her boyfriend I feel you should know this. I don't know if you knew..it was fairly early but Justine was pregnant." the doctor said.

"Nooo.." Tommy broke down.

3 monthes later

Tommy sat next to Justine's grave.

"Justine you'll never know how much I love you. I always will..no one will ever compare to you. You wer my heart, my soul..my life. This was all my fault. If I wouldn't have cheated on you you wouldn't have left and you wouldn't have gotten in the car accident. You'd be right next to me..the pregnancy started to show. I'd have you as my wife. Life would be perfect. A perfect little house..with a perfect little family. Just the 3 of us."

At the funeral Tommy slipped the engagment ring on Justine's finger as a sign of his love, devotion and commitment to her.

My sin was to touch but I wanted it too much.

No matter how I try, I still can't justify
my absolution is denied, denied.
And so i'm left to burn, my body craves and yearns
the beast inside me is alive, alive.