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updated 14 february 2000!

What do you call a futonů

That is held together by screws? A SCREWTON!
For cows? A MOOTON!
That's blue? A BLUETON!
That's new? A NEWTON!
That sits in a hair salon? A (hair)DO-TON!
That tastes like piss? A (mountain) DEWTON!
That's sick? A FLUTON!
That's excited? A WOOTON!
That wears pants? A PANTSTON!
That sings songs from Disney's Cinderella? A BIBBITY-BOBBITY-BOOTON!
That sings another Disney song? A ZIPPADEEDOOTON!
That is sticky? A GLUETON!
That comes from a Chinese takeout place? A WONTON!
That sings another Mary Poppins song? A SPOOTON full of sugar!
On vacation? AN ADIEUTON!
That's gross? AN EWWTON!
That goes to the bathroom in England? A LOOTON!
That comes in a herd? A SLEWTON!
That comes in a pair? A TWOTON!
For trumpet players? A TOOTON!
That you buy from A POOTON!
That you sit on in church? A PEWTON!
That is a cartoon skunk? A PEPE LE PEWTON!
That is surprised? SACRE BLEUTON!
That Grace sleeps on? A DA DA DOODLE OODLE OOOTON!
That is made by Sanrio [barf]? A BADTZ MARUTON!
That is used to praise Jesus? AN ALLELUTON!
That is slimy? A GOOTON!
That you wear on your foot? A SHOETON!
That can be used for spooning (awwh)? A SPOOTON!
With a cold? AN ACHOOTON!
That is a werewolf? AN AWOOOOOOTON!
That the Flintstones sleep on? A YABADABADOOTON!
That is on a cheesy mystery cartoon? A SCOOBY DOOTON!
That you wear to a job interview? A SUITON!
That is in the woodwind section? A FLUTON!
That is very polite? A HOW DO YOU DOOTON!
That likes to cage animals? A ZOOTON!
That's not me? A YOUTON!
That's trendy? A COOLTON!
That you sit on at Christmas? A YULETON!
That sings 50's songs? A DOOWAHDOOTON!
That is rude? A FUCKYOUTON!
That is animated? A CARTOOTON!
That eats? A CHEWTON!
That is either a flaming fag or a fertilized flower? A FRUITON!
That a bunch of hardcore boys sit on? A CREWTON!
That cooks? A SOUP'S-ONTON!
That is in a haunted house? A BOOTON!
That throws kicks and punches? A KUNG FUTON!
That was 5'8" yesterday and is 6'1" today? A GREWTON!
That takes tropical vacations often? A BERMUTON!
That says things like "Colonel the Dining Room...with the Candlestick?" A CLUETON!
That a horse with a spotted butt sleeps on? AN APPALOOTON!
That a low double reed player in a symphony orchestra sits on? A BASSOONTON!
That Ned Flanders sits on? A FUDIDDLITYOOOTON!
That is for idiots? A BAFOONTON!
That is for the primates in the zoo? A BABOONTON!
That is in the zoo at all? A ZOOTON!
That plays 17th century dance music? A LUTEON!
That you sit on while eating thick soups? A STEWTON!
That forgets everyone's name? A HEY-YOUTON!
That you'd buy in a city in Michigan? KALAMAZOOTON!
On which you have spilled spaghetti sauce? A RAGUTON!
That a teething baby sleeps on? A CHEWTON!
That belongs to a straight-edge gang? A CREWTON!
That loves to speak gibberish to cute babies and furry animals? A COOTON!
That owls sleep on? A HOOTON
That you play pool on? A CUETON!
That gets lots of Frequent Flier miles? A FLEWTON!
That likes to get to the movies early? A PREVIEWTON!
That you put on a salad? A CROUTON!
That jooge has? A JOOGETON!

read the crazy futon book!
tell us your favorite futon joke!

Brought to you by Merv and Roy's Crazy Furniture Building Company.
special thanks to the AlienDiwazzo family, Interplanet Janet and Joooooooge!