 Volume #II, 2003. |
|
|
Not banging, but not whimpering either! October 14th, 2003. I've spent well over a fortnight writing story after story about issues that are relevant and highly topical at this particular time of the footy calendar. The playing season is over, the awards and accolades have been delivered, the analysis has been conducted to almost paralysing proportions, and yet there is something missing. The bloody premiership!!! I've begun stories on an array of currently topical issues: the grand final aftermath, the mad Mondays, the start of AFL horse-trading, the end-of-season footy trips, the often disgraceful reportage of Collingwood's GF, Essendon's latest salary-cap breaches and the AFL's pathetic response, Brisbane's need for yet more AFL assistance, the stupidity that seems to propel umpiring from one sick joke to the next, the moronic opinions of the sport's 'celebrity' commentators, the 2004 fixture, the vitriol directed towards the Magpies by outsiders, et cetera… None of these made it to fruition. Is it that cursed phenomenon known as writer's block? No… not at all… not in the least. Perhaps I should consider myself fortunate to have never been confounded with that particular affliction. If I have something to communicate, I just do it. If I want to do something, I just get on and do it. Otherwise, if I don't want to, then I just strike it off my 'to do' list. I've begun to write these stories, and lo and behold, someone in the newspapers has gazumped me. Just as I'm about to complete a story, along comes the latest copy of The Age with the likes of journalists Rohan Connolly and Greg Baum - whose work I genuinely admire, along with the work of Martin Flanagan - and I no longer have a story! Even worse, I've been gazumped by Caroline Wilson with her two latest stories on the draft and questioning the AFL's lettuce-leaf treatment of serial-salary-cap offender Essendon. In the cases of Connolly and Baum, I felt well and truly done over. They wrote, respectively, about my footy club and the crap coming from the also-rans who complained about the 2004 draw, and about the so-called experts who turned faster on the Magpies than an AFL umpire with a television camera on him! Let's take a brief look at some of the topical issues regardless. First off, let's consider the garbage written by Robert Walls and others immediately after the GF. I opened my copy of The Sunday Age on that horrible morning after and saw a Collingwood story headed 'Disgraceful' by Walls. Yes Wallsey, I agree, your story was truly disgraceful. I recall that you tipped Collingwood to win the GF, didn't you? And you felt betrayed, judging by your vitriol? Having read his story, I felt as though the Magpies had thrown the GF purely to spite Walls! I took the headline to be an honest appraisal of Walls's article. There can only be two reasons for his venomous attack on the Magpies: (a) that he has high standards and won't tolerate mediocrity or (b) because his ego was dented. Given that Walls coached Fitzroy and the Brisbane Bears to a level mediocrity never surpassed in AFL history, I'd have to guess that the second reason was his motivation for writing what he did. Next there were the letters and comments in the newspapers from a variety of assclowns basking in their 15 minutes of fame. All of them expressing some kind of perverse pleasure from Collingwood's defeat. All of them supporters of clubs whose players spent GF day sitting in the grandstands as mere spectators. If the Magpies are as pathetic as these assclowns claim, then why were their own clubs so emphatically cast asunder? There was no mention of that!
The worst of all was a diatribe from some idiot claiming to be a university psychology lecturer and former Queensland rugby league player reported in the same issue of The Sunday Age as the Walls article. Here's what this self-absorbed sniggering caffe-latte-sucking Smith Street mega-yuppie moron had to say -
That would have to be the singularly most stupid comment about Collingwood fans I have ever heard. Just to be sure, I ran it past a number of my friends who are fans of other AFL clubs and have a particular - albeit irrational - hatred of Collingwood. They all agreed with me, this man is truly stupid. Here's a take out of the newspaper about the comments from this imbecilic excuse for an intellectual -
The worst stuff I read came via emails directing their vitriol towards The Eddie Show and being unable to separate the man from the club and its fans. Here's an excerpt of an email from a St. Kilda board member: - It's farcical what the perennial assclowns from Moorabbin say of Collingwood! A brief history of St. Kilda FC is 26 wooden spoons - averaging one in 4 seasons since their entry into the VFL in 1897. I imagine the St. Kilda Hall of Fame to be Darrell Baldock surrounded by 26 pieces of timber cutlery. Perhaps if someone could donate 26 wooden forks, the entire senior team and coaches would each have a complete set of salad utensils. Wasn't it St. Kilda who took 48 attempts before they could actually win a VFL game against the Magpies? Collingwood has a dismal GF record, and it takes a St. Kilda to tell us that? St. Kilda has won one premiership in its miserable history out of 5 attempts in 107 seasons - a 20% record! If St.Kilda were a horse they'd have put it out of its foul misery in 1898! But alas St.Kilda is not a horse; it's only an ass! As for GF losses, what happened in 1997 when they choked liked drowning chickens and pressed the self-destruct button at half time? They're still weeding out the scapegoats seven seasons on. Nice one Saints! Stick to lemon-peroxide and solariums, because no amount of bluster changes the fact that the Saints are the longest-running sick joke in Australian sport. There are clubs in this competition who should consider themselves extremely fortunate just to even be a part of today's AFL - as they've been carried on the backs of footy fans from the fair dinkum clubs for decades. Footscray, St. Kilda, Sydney and the Kangaroos are truly lucky to be even afloat. Secretly, these pathetic excuses for clubs (and add Hawthorn and Melbourne to the list) must kneel down and pray season after season to have the fans that Collingwood, Carlton, Richmond and Essendon have always had. Yet for these pitiful excuses for roadkill, their highlight of the season is to snigger and get off on the slip-up of the very clubs who have subsidised their lazy butts for years. Meanwhile, they're getting draft picks and concessions year after year and wasting some of the country's best potential talent! If there was poetic justice in this world, each time the AFL's bottom-feeders put out their grubby hands begging for extra money from the AFL to keep afloat, they can kiss Collingwood's backside that it draws the crowds, the TV ratings and consistently fills the AFL's coffers. I've been a loyal Magpie fan since 1965. And in almost four decades, there is one sure constant about football and Collingwood. It comes from the sniggering classes as I often refer to them and their incessant Schadenfreude. The more vicious the attacks from opposition supporters, the bigger the threat we must be to their deluded Weltsenshaung - that is their view of the world. Please pardon my German! Keep it up, because then there's no doubt at all that the Mighty Magpies are truly in business! GO MAGPIES !!!
| |
|
October is the month for brutal honesty. October 1st, 2003. I haven't revisited last Saturday's Grand Final loss. It's been three whole days and nights, yet for the first time in two seasons, I haven't reviewed the game, and I don't want to. I doubt that I ever will. I have the game on video but I haven't yet taken the time to watch it. What I saw from the wing last Saturday was enough. I cannot bring myself to relive the day, and nor I suspect do too many other Magpie fans. But this is not about me. It's about Collingwood in the twenty-first century. There's no point analysing in fine detail what happened on Saturday afternoon and trying to lift for next week - because there just simply isn't a 'next week'. And that's partly why we blew it. The game was there to be played and won - right then and right there. Now is not the best time to be looking over the fine detail of how we performed in the only game of the year where there is no tomorrow. However there's even more danger in overlooking it entirely. Since the mid-season break there has been a Collingwood team with resolve and teamwork - a team with a powerful work ethic and unshakable self-belief. A team that took on all comers and passed almost every test with flying colours. It was a team that smashed the mediocre ranks of the AFL competition week after week, climbing the ladder and casting aside the imposters. It earned the right to play finals footy. Come the last four weeks of the home and away season, it was positioned to make a run for a top-four and then a top-two finish. First up, came the Brisbane Lions - and it was time for a Collingwood reality check. Then along came Adelaide, Sydney and Essendon - all wins, good strong wins. Next came a qualifying final win at home against the Brisbane Lions, earning the right to a home preliminary final against the hapless Port Adelaide. The good news was that the lessons learned from the loss in round 19 to the Lions were heeded and acted upon. It built another level of hardness and steely resolve in a Collingwood team going places and far superior to the team that almost pinched the ultimate honour in 2002. Going into the 2003 Grand Final, Collingwood was a club with everything going for it. Wins in 11 of its last 12 matches, a fit playing list, well-coached and seemingly well-prepared. Off the field it was cashed-up, had 40,500 members, a young squad and ready to move to a new high-tech home. Meanwhile the old war-horse Brisbane was bruised and battered and not quite the scary monster they seemed in 2001 and 2002. This Brisbane team was not invincible so it seemed. It looked like the time had arrived for the proverbial changing of the guard. Everything, right up to the big day, was leaning in Collingwood's favour. Forget the Rocca report and subsequent suspension - it was stupid, unnecessary and totally distracting to a team with better things to do than waste its energy for two of the four days in the lead-up after Brownlow night. Forget too, the medical science that Brisbane employed to seemingly bring back players from the dead. All that managed to do was to get those players on the field. Meanwhile Collingwood's players were already on the field, with the exception of Rocca's self-inflicted absence. Collingwood approached Saturday's Grand Final like it approached the first half of their season - they somehow thought they had it won and all they had to do was play it out - to merely go through the motions. In the words of Homer Simpson, "D'oh!" (N.B: D'oh are indeed two words, hence the apostrophe). The trouble is that you can't take the playing group up to the Northern Territory at half time in a Grand Final to build unity, perspective, self-belief, resolve and confidence. You must go into a Grand Final with all of these things well and truly in-place. Brisbane did and Collingwood didn't. All the talk of Brisbane's team of 13 doctors, an orthopædic surgeon, an anæsthetist, and more vials of pain-killing drugs than a Gulf War hospital ship is totally irrelevant. The ingredient that Brisbane had on Grand Final day and that Collingwood so tragically lacked was the 'C' word. You'll never get that from a doctor, you can only find it from within. Sometime between the team photo at 2:18pm last Saturday, and Christine Anu's version of the national anthem at 2:21pm, Collingwood lost the game and the season. The Lions looked bigger, stronger, meaner and readier. Come game time at 2:30pm, and it was never going to change. Perhaps there was a glimmer of hope that Collingwood could wear down the Lions lead in the second half, but that was truly a long-shot. Brisbane are too good to give up a lead - all they had to do was bottle it up and play out two quarters of football. There were times in the third quarter when they soaked up all the pressure the Magpies applied. When it was their turn to apply the pressure on Collingwood, they went on their merry way. Collingwood fumbled and Brisbane knew it. Collingwood is a team whose defence combines well to nullify an opposition and then run the ball out to a midfield that sets up counter-attacks. It has a powerful arsenal of forwards of every persuasion - big, small and medium. So what happens when the defenders you rely on begin to display the jitters? Well many things come into play. Firstly, the defence as a unit begins to doubt itself. The great teamwork and belief in one another begins to slip. And the characteristically tight unit starts to falter - they kick long into a contest instead of running it out and setting up the midfield. The opposition gets a sniff of this uncertainty and hesitation, and then it becomes a question of… dare I say it, courage. There, I said it… courage! It's a Grand Final dammit! It's the one day when you must play with steely determination and reckless abandon - there is no tomorrow. There is no 'saving your energy' or 'pacing yourself' for what's in store next week. There is no damn next week! Time stops after Grand Final day and doesn't restart until next season. Did Collingwood forget that last Saturday? Brisbane certainly didn't. The Lions players threw their bodies on the line, and sacrificed their all. The Brisbane players, to a man, made that sacrifice. How many Collingwood players could make the same claim? And therein lied the difference! Collingwood has one of two paths to go in the lead up to another campaign in 2004. Clearly the Magpies are in the top echelon of premiership contenders - they have a core playing group that is fierce and talented. The likes of Josh Fraser, Simon Prestigiacomo, Nathan Buckley, Chris Tarrant, and Scott Burns showed us they have the skill, courage and leadership to regroup and hopefully make yet another campaign for glory. Add to this mix Paul Licuria, Shane Woewodin and the painfully absent vice-captains Anthony Rocca and Tarkyn Lockyer. Beyond this group there are players with the promise of greater things to come - Jason Cloke, Ben Johnson, Richard Cole, Heath Scotland, Alan Didak. And future players like Guy Richards and Cameron Cloke and a few of their younger Williamstown teammates. We need players of this calibre to rise up and be the major movers and shakers in the 2004 playing squad. Our football department needs to manage the off-season transfer market and drafts and not be afraid to make trades. I am not going to single-out any players who should be discarded - this is the job of the football department within the context of the transfer market. But clearly, we must make improvements. We have Nathan Buckley moving into the veteran category which will free up some salary cap and allow us to make a high profile acquisition or two. And no doubt we will have a few retirements. The club has done well since the arrival of a new board and coaching panel in recent seasons. The club is no longer in the doldrums of the 1990's when too many of the Magpie faithful were tested to the point of unabashed cruelty - with insipid performances both on and off the field. But all the hype and promotion of Collingwood can only take us so far. We have fantastic financial strength and membership that is the envy of other Victorian clubs. We can build on this to become a true power in the AFL competition. The alternative is implosion - this indeed happened to St. Kilda, Melbourne, Footscray, Hawthorn and Richmond in recent years. Let's be sure it doesn't happen at the mighty Collingwood Football Club. There are risks that the 2003 Grand Final might have irreparably scarred players in the squad, and that some of the vast supporter base could lose the faith. There's only one sure way to avert a potential derailing - which is for everyone at Collingwood to pull in the same direction. Board, coaches, players, staff, members and fans alike, we're in this together. GO MAGPIES !!!
| |
|
Counting down the days. September 25th, 2003. We've just passed the vernal equinox so it's officially late September. For the gardeners of this great southern land, now is the time to prepare the soil beds and plant seeds and then await the crops that spring showers and summer sunshine so kindly yield. For others, it's time to plan parties, prepare for cricket and spring racing, or those long hot days at the beach. But there's just one more thing left for the true believers before we can leave winter behind and occupy thoughts of spring and summer pursuits. The Mighty Magpies vie for ultimate glory in the Grand Final this Saturday. It's the culmination of years of planning by the board, management, football department and the coaching staff. It's the long wait with its many years of frustration in the 1990's for the loyal and good-natured legions of our Great Magpie Army. It's the long days and nights on the track and in the gym by the players that all come to fruition in this famous 'one day in September'. I've said many times in my Along the wing columns since late June that this Collingwood team is better than 2002 - it's on the cusp of greatness. Saturday afternoon is the time, and the Home of Football is the place, when and where we will know for sure if the huge investment every Magpie player, coach, official, member and fan will bear its most anticipated fruit. Recent history tells us that meteoric rises (as 2002 might have been viewed) often result in catastrophic falls - St. Kilda of 1997 and Melbourne of 2000 are classic examples. Richmond, Footscray and Hawthorn are also indicative of teams who captured the footy public's attention for a fleeting season then crashed back to earth with a whimper and a thud. Collingwood could well have found itself in this flash-in-the-pan category had the first half of season 2003 continued into the full 22 rounds. But there are quite a number of fundamental differences between Collingwood and this recent array of imposters. It's all about trajectory. It's the difference between a skyrocket and cruise missile. The skyrocket lights up, takes off and travels according to however it was mounted and the prevailing atmospheric conditions - it is a victim of its surroundings and its limited firepower. It travels fast and high - albeit for a fleeting moment, it captures attention. But when it's all over, it's well and truly over. It goes up in spectacular fashion, but it rarely travels any discernible distance. It's indicative of the 'survival-mode' mentality of its makers. Conversely, the Collingwood "cruise missile" is built with precision, care and hard work. It is programmed to go the distance, to correct its path when the need arises, and to seek out and strike its target. It's a credit to the Collingwood Football Club that since 1999, they took the choice to go the long haul - to sacrifice a quick-fix solution for sustainable success. Collingwood circa 2003 is the envy of every sporting organisation in the land. On the field it presents a well-prepared team, abundant stocks of experience and youth, and the right mental attitude. Off the field the club is financially sound and its future looks full of boundless possibilities. It has regained its status as Victoria's biggest and strongest football club. It augurs well for a period of again being a major power. There were times in the early part of the season, when we experienced the highs of anticipation and the lows of defeat to inferior opponents. Some people questioned whether it would be a 'hangover' year, suggesting that 2002 was a year when the Magpies played 'above themselves' and were headed back to their recent seasons of mediocrity. The jealousy-fuelled taunts from the anti-Collingwood brigade in the media and among rival fans were full of this uninformed and wishful trash-talking. This lead-up week to the Grand Final in some ways represents a microcosm of the first half of the season. The highs of last Saturday of making it into The Big One and of Monday night with Nathan Buckley's Brownlow Medal win. The lows of Anthony Rocca's suspension on Tuesday. And the nervous trash-talking from the likes of Brisbane's Jonathon Brown and Jason Akermanis - reminiscent of the dumb-ass comments from Chocco Williams and his Port Adelaide wannabes a week ago. None of this matters a bandicoot's clacker! This 2003 Grand Final is between a fresher Collingwood team full of self-belief and mental toughness, against a proven Brisbane team who are tough and ferocious but just not quite what they were in 2001 and 2002. With or without the hard-working Anthony Rocca, the Magpies go into this game with a mission to atone for last season's near miss. They go into it with a more determined attitude and a more experienced and hardened line-up. And don't the Brisbane Lions know it! GO THE MIGHTY MAGPIES !!!
| |
|
ATW Tosslepot Award ends in uproar. September 23rd, 2003. The prestigious 2003 Along the wing Tosslepot Award ended in uproar on Monday night after a five-way tie for first place, a rigorous count-back process, and then a challenge to the voting system. Meanwhile, somewhere else in Melbourne, the AFL was putting its outgoing CEO Wayne 'Docker' Jackson through his final humiliation in having to read out Brownlow Medal votes. (The Brownlow winner was not known at time of writing).
Background to the Tosslepot Award The award perpetuates the memory of Végas F. Tosslepot, a neighbourhood ginger tabby-cat who died in tragic circumstances in a vain attempt to out-fly a magpie between the MCG light towers last September using nothing but a specially folded-up copy of the Herald-Comic and a gust of wind as propulsion. Tosslepot was a discerning media analyst who followed the newspaper deliverer around the neighbourhood each morning and often left a nasty stain on the sports pages. On closer examination, it was discovered that Tosslepot concentrated his indelible mark onto the 'expert' columns written by Mike Sheahan, Caroline Wilson, Dermott Brereton, Robert Walls, Gerard Healy and Patrick Smith. Tosslepot was also famous for barking up gigantic fur-balls whenever there was a football program on Channel 7. And in an outstanding year of multimedia investigative journalism in 2001, Tosslepot traced the voice of a clapped-out passing freak-show on radio with an equally shizenhausen fish'n'chip shop owner in Port Melbourne. Since his untimely passing, Tosslepot has been honoured with posthumous nominations for almost every media prize awarded in this country for outstanding journalism. Judging by the rubbish printed in most Australian dailies, a posthumous nomination for the W. G. Walkley Award would a fitting tribute to Tosslepot's contribution to the pages of our newspapers. Well, it's a better contribution than those of the assclowns who write columns in them. I will always retain fond memories of donating shredded newspaper clippings by our nation's celebrity sportswriters to Tosslepot's kitty litter box.
The 2003 Along the wing Tosslepot Award Top votes went to Captain Smith (of the SS Titanic) and his Channel 7 television co-star Ms Chokesondick (of South Park fame). Joining these two Channel 7 "football experts" was Flux Footy's resident space-cadet Mike Sheahan and his hapless Radio NASA sidekick the one-and-only Major Healy. Their radio stable-mate Rex the Clownfish shared pole position as well. This brings to mind that if 3AW's football team is a stable, someone long ago forgot to change the straw! The five-way tie was immediately challenged by Channels 9 and 10, but it was quickly explained to Eddie McMiyonaire and Steve Quarterbrain that Dermott Brereton and Robert Walls were both eliminated in the final round because they had both actually played football at the highest level. This would have also precluded Healy and Hunt from winning the award on a count-back, except that the panel of judges questioned whether it was football that they had actually played.
And the winner of the Tosslepot Award is… This time the judging panel had to yield to the challenge, and they had no option but to accept that there are indeed no winners in this at all. Every single one of these media assclowns is a loser! Sadly, the biggest losers of all are the long-suffering football fans who tolerate this collection of trumped-up self-appointed "experts" and their daily doses of bovine intellect!
| |
|
Magpies power into The Big One. September 22nd, 2003. Saturday 20 September 2003 - Home of Football - Attendance 77,405
COLLINGWOOD 17 - 10 - 112
Goals: C Tarrant 3, L Davis 3, B Holland 2, S Burns 2, A Didak, P Licuria, A Rocca, J Fraser, B Johnson, B Kinnear, H Scotland Collingwood brushed aside the Port Adelaide Power-Chokers with a brilliant 44-point win at the Home of Football in front of the biggest crowd so far in 2003. The win sends the Magpies into the 2003 Grand Final against the Brisbane Lions, in what is set to be an historic day. In last year's preliminary final victory against the Adelaide Hillbillies, the Pies captured the nation's attention and sent Magpie fans into jubilation. This time it was a more subdued approach by Collingwood and its massive legion of fans at the end of the game. Unlike 2002 when just being there was the big story, this time there's an air of expectation - there is unfinished business. This is a much better Magpie outfit than its 2002 incarnation. They are stronger, faster, fitter and smarter. They play more accountable football all over the ground. They are there for one another - they are a team with a stronger work ethic, more skilled more experienced and more determined. The 2003 vintage is more adept at both soaking up and applying extreme pressure. Saturday's win over Port Adelaide was a brilliant team effort where the Pies stood up and were there in support of one another. It was a team victory where every player played his part. Collingwood is a team of 22 very good players whose sum is far greater than its constituent parts. It is a team that gives its coaching staff the flexibility needed to meet challenges head-on. The most pleasing aspect of Saturday's win was the even-ness of the team's contributors. There are no longer any bit-players at Collingwood - every player out on the field plays an important team role. The Magpies play with confidence and self-belief, but importantly they also play with an unwavering discipline to get the job done. Is this Collingwood team as good as those of 1990 or 1970? We will know in just over 5 days' time. But the clues are everywhere. On Saturday, they ran the AFL's minor premiers (whoopeedoo!) ragged in a measured and robust team performance. After Port's opening two goals, the Pies answered with six goals of their own in the first quarter. Shane Woewodin dominated the opening term with lots of quality possessions. Rhyce Shaw, Ben Johnson and Richard Cole provided lots of run out of defence. Simon Prestigiacomo shut out Warren Tredrea and Matthew Lokan baby-sat Gavin Wanganeen. Josh Fraser and Chris Tarrant were getting lots of touches. It looked a long way back for the big-talking small-minded interlopers from Alberton. Since 1870, the Port Adelaide club has been a major force in South Australian football. After 32 years of dressing up in magenta and blue, they decided to don the black and white stripes and pretend they were the country's best football team. They were the big powerful successful club in the SANFL - they thought themselves so good that they adopted, with all the arrogance they could muster, OUR colours, OUR emblem, and OUR mascot. Come 1997 and their entry into the AFL, Port was full of arrogance telling everyone how they would dominate the national competition just like they had dominated a second-rate league in suburban Adelaide with a record 36 premierships. But the AFL is a national competition and all the intimidation they could inflict on their local rivals wasn't going to work in the big league. I recall their first ever AFL game against Collingwood at the Home of Football back in round one of 1997, and what I saw that day confirmed what I always suspected about Port Adelaide - they're nothing but a big fish in a small cesspool. Seven years on and little has changed. At quarter-time with the Magpies leading by 20 points, Port's brains-trust looked worried. Perhaps it was the "mind-games" in the week's lead up that gave Choke-o Williams a migraine. Or was it the shock of getting out of their comfort zone and confronting quality opposition at a venue where it really matters? Who knows? More to the point, who cares? Power came out in the second quarter and tried to match it in the midfield, but the Magpies had their measure. Nathan Buckley came into the game in style. Brodie Holland moved up another gear. Jason Cloke shut down the Power attack as the loose man across defence. At the other end of the ground, Port's defenders looked slow and were under pressure. Their short-passing game was failing amid Magpie pressure and they began to king long - more in hope than design. A couple of questionable free kicks against Buckley kept the ball in Port's forward line longer than it should have. In a tight and even second quarter, Port ended the half trailing by 11 points with a goal on the siren - the small margin truly flattered Port's first half. The Magpies played their championship quarter after the main break with four unanswered goals. Paul Licuria and Brodie Holland dominated the midfield and shut down Port's prime movers. At the three-quarter-time break, the Magpies were full of confidence and Port looked like a beaten team. They had managed just 5 goals in three quarters of football, trailed by 31 points. Port's task was ominous - needing to restrict Collingwood and somehow find a way to double their goal tally. It just didn't look like happening, and a disheveled Chocco Williams looked like he knew it. The final term began with Collingwood scoring four early goals - making it eight unanswered goals since half time. GAME OVER!!! Licuria, Buckley, Scotland and O'Bree ran riot. Leon Davis repaid the faith shown in his recall with 3 second-half goals. Tarrant was magnificent. This is a team that has bigger things to come than a 44-point preliminary final win. A measured response came with the final siren - the Magpies have a huge week in the lead up to the Grand Final. Tonight's Brownlow Medal count might deliver yet another accolade to Nathan Buckley. He has won every other individual honour as a player - deservedly - and whether he wins it or not, somehow there's a delicious irony that the umpires are the last "people" to acknowledge his greatness - if at all. Tuesday's AFL Tribunal will decide Anthony Rocca's fate. Who could guess the outcome, given the inconsistency of umpires and the tribunal all season? It would be a tragedy for Rocca to miss out due to the assclown factor - especially since he was robbed of a goal in last year's GF that could have swung the result in the Magpies' favour. Apart from Rocca's tribunal hearing, Mick Malthouse and the coaching staff need to select the right 22-man squad to face the Brisbane Lions next Saturday. A number of Collingwood players made strong selection claims in the VFL Grand Final won by Williamstown on Sunday - congratulations to the Seagulls! The other unknown at the moment is the fitness of some Brisbane players - Voss and White have leg injuries, Lappin has a rib injury, Scott might be rushed back unfit. For a change, it's better to be in Malthouse's shoes than in Leigh Matthews's sweaty thongs. This Magpie outfit is on the verge of greatness. In 2002, they could have pinched it. In 2003, they are more prepared and will probably go into the game as the bookmakers' favourite. But none of this really matters. Football's ultimate prize is decided on Saturday - over two-and-a-half hours. Both teams are in form because Grand Finallists always are. Both teams are well coached. Both teams can win. Brisbane has the added incentive to equal the second-best premiership run of three in a row. Collingwood are on the rise - they work for each other, they can close down any opposition, they can dominate the midfield, and they have a potent attack. More importantly, there is not a player in this great game more deserving to wear a premiership medallion than Nathan Buckley. GO THE MIGHTY MAGPIES !!!
| |
|
Is the Brownlow outdated? September 16th, 2003. Next Monday marks the awarding of two of football's biggest individual awards - the AFL's Brownlow medal and Along the wing's Tosslepot media award. The AFL awards the Brownlow to the 'fairest and best player' in the League's home and away season. It was first awarded in 1924. As football is a team sport, the Brownlow is an oddity of sorts - it is an award to an individual player in a sport whose objective is to win matches and ultimately the Premiership. For many years it was the only award other than the Premiership and the McClelland Trophy (both of these are team honours) to be awarded by the sport's governing body. The cult of personality-worship that has betaken the AFL recently has seen the introduction of many other individual awards too. The John Coleman Medal goes to the highest goalkicker - why Coleman and not Coventry? The Norm Smith Medal is awarded to the best player of the Grand Final. The Jock McHale Medal is awarded to the Premiership coach, and the Rising Star Award goes to the best under-21 player with fewer than 10 games prior to the season. There are also Hall of Fame and All-Australian honours that go to individuals. And of course, there was that infamous AFL Team of the Century back in 1996. Some awards are purely objective honours because they come with achieving an undisputed feat. The Premiership is awarded to the winner of the GF, the Coleman to the highest goal scorer in the home and away season, the McHale to the Premiership coach, the McClelland to the team finishing in pole position at the end of the home and away season. No problem with these at all. They are all awarded on criteria which cannot be disputed and require no assclown input. Kick the most goals and you get the Coleman, coach the winning team and you get the McHale, and so on. The problem lies with the other awards that they are subjective - they require value judgements by others. So questions need to be asked about who those 'others' actually are, and whether they are in the best position to make value judgements about individual player performances. This is where the problem exists with the Brownlow medal - it's awarded according to the votes submitted after each game by the umpires - yes, the umpires! The same assclowns who week after week make glaring errors of judgement, who can't umpire to the same interpretation from one passage of play to the next. Umpires whose selective application of the rules and lack of consistency makes them the sickest joke in an otherwise magnificent sporting contest. The AFL makes a big deal about the Brownlow, and rightly so. More times than not, a worthy recipient has won the Brownlow. But where are some of the game's greatest ever players when it came to a Brownlow medal? Some of the best ever players of this great game were never honoured - you can be an absolute standout, hands-down, lay-down misère and miss out. When it came to umpires awarding Brownlow votes, where were they and what in tarnation were they thinking with respect to players such as Gary Ablett, Darrel Baldock, Kevin Bartlett, Ron Barassi, Gavin Brown, Peter Daicos, Graham 'Polly' Farmer, Robert Flower, Royce Hart, Alex Jesaulenko, Dean Kemp, Peter Knights, Simon Madden, Leigh Matthews, Wayne Richardson, Wayne Schimmelbusch, Tim Watson, Ted Whitten? These are players I was fortunate enough to see play - and I watched in marvel at their skills, in awe at their effect on the game, and in total wonder at their application on the field. There are many others too - who graced the footy field, had great seasons, but were not recognised by the umpires. Perhaps it's time the AFL revamped the awarding of the Brownlow. Umpires are not appraised on their Brownlow votes, and I doubt if they're appraised all that much on their ability to adjudicate either. It seems that the top two umpiring criteria are (1) bouncing the ball and (2) running around looking like a tosser. So when the media make a big deal about the bookmakers' odds for the Brownlow medallist, they are in fact encouraging downtrodden mug-punters to place their hard-earned money on second-guessing the inner thoughts of the game's biggest assclowns. This week the AFL coaches awarded their own player of the season award. Congratulations to Nathan Buckley on winning it - a worthy recipient if there ever was one! And the AFL Players Association will award its own most valuable player award. It's a no-brainer that an award to players judged on the evaluation of their peers is a far more worthy than a judgement made by umpires. There should be more player and coach input to the awarding subjective individual honours, and far less by umpires and media people. It's about time the AFL looked into the awarding of subjective honours and actually questioned the calibre of those making the decisions. Isn't it obvious that the people in the outright best position to understand which players are the best and fairest are their peers and coaches?
| |
|
Media Deals: who really gives a Rex anyway? - Part 4. September 13th, 2003. In last week's part 3 of Media Deals, seven nominations were proposed for the prestigious 2003 Along the wing Media Tosslepot Trophy. Thanks to the many readers who sent in their views about the tragic media idiots we so painfully endure in our quest for football coverage. Before listing the final 10 nominations for this prestigious award, I would like to attend to a couple of matters of important unfinished business. Firstly, to throw down the 2003 Media Challenge to our self-serving "expert" manure-merchants in the media. And secondly, to supply the form guide for the last three Tosslepot nominations. For many years we have endured a seemingly endless procession of verbal compost generated by a bunch of self-important, pompous, over-opinionated, multi-media "celebrities" who masquerade as football commentators. We have been held captive to their agenda-driven attention-grabbing self-aggrandisement. We hear and read their convoluted explanations, compromised opinions, idiotic comments and moralistic pontifications about almost anything obliquely related to football. Worst of all, among our nominees is a small group of compromised "AFL-insiders" with a direct line to Assclown Central (once known as AFL HQ) where they are hand-fed inside stories or "backgrounding" to push a certain AFL-preferred agenda. Wasn't their public lobbying for the next AFL boss just magnificent? Who could forget the campaign of public vilification of former MFC chairman Joseph Gutnick a few years ago? Or the whitewashes on potential conflicts of interest involving AFL past and present commissioners and a club president or two whose last names begin with the letter "C"? In return for these 'services rendered' they are rewarded with undeserving and almost comical input into which footballers are to be included in All-Australian teams, Teams of the Century, Norm Smith medallists, Hall of Fame inductees and so on. Let's not ask whether Caro's obsession with all things Eddie is motivated by: (a) her pathological jealousy of Collingwood; (b) her writing for a rival newspaper with a lower circulation; (c) her appearing on a rival TV network with no footy and lower ratings; (d) something else; or (e) all of the above. Whoops - I wasn't going to mention that!
Gunner's media challenge So here's my challenge to those among the chattering classes in the media: What is your opinion of Mick's decision before rather than after the preliminary final is played? It's easy to fit an opinion to anything after the event, but who will state an opinion beforehand? Can any of our nominees express an expert opinion now? I bet they all will after the result is known… as if they knew all along!
Final Tosslepot nominations
Rex Hunt What can be said about this bitter and twisted mauler of the English language? If he was a fish he'd be thrown back in the river! Here is an abridged comment from a loyal Rant reader, Jason from Queensland's Gold Coast regarding this trout-mouthed primadonna: - Thanks Jason, well said. Most people would agree that Rex is a worthy nominee. Personally, my most enduring 'Rex Hunt memory' was when he played for Richmond that fateful day at Windy Hill. It was midseason and there was a famous brawl at half-time involving every player on the field as well as the coaching staff... you've probably seen it on black & white video tape from the Channel 7 archives. Rex was the only Richmond player to run away... you can see him cowering and sneaking away at the rear of the melee. Shortly afterwards he was traded and lined up with a team more to his playing style - Geelong. They should've designed a special range of handbags in his honour. Robert Walls Ever noticed that whenever Walls gives a special comment and predicts the flow of a game, that invariably the opposite happens? It's comical, but not as much as the tripe he serves up in The Age. I have long thought that Walls has an excellent technical knowledge, but lacks the ability to read a game. This shortcoming exposes him when he attempts to talk tactics. His self-appointed martyrdom as a former Brisbane Bears coach is a joke too. Especially, the long bow he draws when claiming credit for the Lions' recent successes under Leigh Matthews. Tony Shaw It pains me greatly to have a former Collingwood captain and coach as a Tosslepot nominee, but Tony tries too hard for his own good in his attempts to make an impact. His comments last year about Essendon player Dean Rioli were thoroughly shameful in my opinion. I won't elaborate because they are not worthy of repeating.
The final ten Tosslepot nominees The winner will be announced on Brownlow night.
| |
|
This is your final warning - beware of Magpies in springtime. September 9th, 2003. This extended special finals edition of Along the wing is dedicated to my friend Janet in Brisbane who wasn't able to come down to Melbourne to witness this fabulous exhibition of Australian football. Saturday night 6 September 2003 - MCG - Attendance 66,092
COLLINGWOOD 9 - 12 - 66
Goalkickers: C Tarrant 3, N Buckley 2, A Didak 2, B Johnson, A Rocca Collingwood powered its way into a home preliminary final and a week's rest in a tough 15-point qualifying final victory over the Brisbane Lions at the Home of Football. The vocal 66,000 crowd witnessed a dour contest where football skill collided with physical strength, ricocheted off athleticism and was enveloped in all-embracing mental toughness. A great test of courage and the relentless Magpies passed with flying colours. Four weeks ago the Magpies were smashed in a rampaging Lions opening quarter, but showed enough in the ensuing three quarters to leave many believing that the day had a number of positive aspects. It was a steep climb up an important learning curve. While the Lions removed any doubt they were a spent force back on that fateful afternoon in early August, I went home that night satisfied that we'd live to fight another day. That day came on Saturday - and it was a smarter, stronger, tougher and wiser Magpie outfit with an unwavering belief in themselves and ready to slay their northern rivals. In Bart Simpson's words, "David versus Goliath II. And this time it's biblical".
The big picture The qualifying final was a contest for aficionados of our great indigenous game. A fantastic contest, as good as last year's Grand Final. Great football games are about struggle, overcoming the odds, soaking-up the opposition's pressure and applying your own intense pressure to rise above it all and crack the game wide-open in triumphant victory. This game had all of these ingredients and the crowd knew it all too well. Brisbane and Collingwood gave us all of these things on Saturday night.
A digression of ornithological proportions In a Melbourne spring, real magpies are happy in their world. Life rejuvenates in spring. The basic needs of life are abundant and the winner's prize magnifies accordingly. Magpies are confident and happy with their world this season. They seem to have a stronger presence - assertiveness that this is their time and their place with a destiny of their choosing. I woke on Saturday morning to see a proud magpie perched in the wattle tree outside my bedroom window. He looked quite content surveying his domain - the recent rains had brought life to the earth and the season delivered food to his young brood. I love my neighbourhood magpies. I give them food when the ravages of winter deny them, and during the drought when worms were as scarce as a Carlton victory. In return the local magpies give me hours of entertainment swooping on hapless cyclists who invade their space and threaten their blissful vernal existence. I could not wait to get to the footy on Saturday - my sense of expectation about what was to unfold at the Home of Football reflected all I saw in this proud and happy magpie.
The first quarter The next 15 minutes were incredibly frustrating for the black and white. It was evenly balanced around the ground, but out of the confusion of missed holding-the-ball decisions in midfield by the orange-clad pumpkin-brained idiots pretending to be umpires, Lynch goals 50 metres near the boundary, then he goals 20 metres in front of goal. Midway through the quarter, Lynch takes a diving mark in front of Shane Wakelin and posts his third major score. Despite this, Wakelin was playing well - go figure! Is there no justice? At the other end, Leppitsch held Tarrant out of a marking contest - but this is Collingwood and Tarrant. Obviously the rules are different for him! A few minutes later, Anthony Rocca marked but pumpkin McBurney astonishingly denied him, and decided to bounce the ball - badly! Since umpires have been wired for sound, television replays deliver their interpretation of play to the viewer - at times proving how stupid many of their adjudications actually are… and demonstrating that they often guess rather than see infringements. Late in the quarter Tarrant eluded a puffing Leppitsch in midfield to take a mark, and was awarded a 50-metre penalty because Charman deliberately grabbed him by the ankle in an attempt to hold-up play. A couple of seasons ago this was a reportable offence, but nowadays it seems that umpires can only remember one thing to look out for per weekend. Tarrant goaled from 35 metres with the ensuing kick and the Pies trailed by 6 points at the first break. Collingwood started well, Brisbane won the middle of the quarter, but it was the Magpies who played with authority towards the end.
The second quarter On 5 minutes, the Lions' McGrath goals from the boundary in Daicosesque fashion. Jonathon Brown plays his best footy of the game early in the quarter and accepts the ball from a wayward Akermanis kick and goals from 40 metres. Brisbane since mid-2003 have transformed from a team that plays with ferocious tenacity from go to whoa, into a team that plays in explosive bursts - is it a sign of weary legs or deep-seated self-belief after dominating the sport for over two calendar years? Akermanis kicks a running goal from the pocket on the freeloaders' side of the ground to post Brisbane's sixth major score - and the signs are ominous for Collingwood during this Brisbane purple-patch. Brown marks and kicks from close range but puts it out on the full. Brisbane's ascendancy has put intense pressure on the Magpie defence, but Collingwood is soaking it up. Despite Brisbane's lead, Shane Wakelin and James Clement worked hard in defence with good support from Jason Cloke playing loose across halfback. Richard Cole, Rhyce Shaw, Ryan Lonie and Ben Johnson provide plenty of run out of the back half. Buckley and Tarrant are dominating the forward half. Late in the term, Heath Scotland kicks to Tarrant who marks on 50 metres. Tarrant kicks truly to cut the Lions' lead to 12 points. A minute later Ben Johnson wins the ball after a boundary throw-in and kicks a goal from 45 metres. The Magpies soaked-up everything Brisbane could dole out and fought back in time-on to go into the break trailing by 6 points… and by 9 free kicks!
A word about umpiring assclowns
The third quarter Cloke registers the first score of the half with an eighth minute kick trailing rightwards for a behind. Tarrant hits the post after an inspirational first, second and third effort to end a great passage of play. Is Collingwood about to make its move? Shane O'Bree intercepts a Brisbane defensive clearance, runs to 40 metres, and blazes for yet another behind. Good grief Charlie Brown, we're still trailing by 3 points! I blame these misses on the militarily trained squirrels deep beneath the NASA end of the ground. Those damn squirrels have a lot to answer for since they were exposed by a magnificent piece of investigative journalism a few weeks ago by TCR's resident hard-man Sly. In a period where literally everything was being contested, Nigel Lappin took the ball to 40 metres on the freeloaders' side of the ground and goaled with a right-foot kick. The Lions really needed that one - and Collingwood certainly did not. The Magpies fight back with a Tarrant mark and a hand pass to Shane Woewodin, whose pass into the forward pocket on the southern side of the ground is forced out of play. Brisbane cleared the resultant restart. This game is as tight as a monotreme's clacker! The quarter approaches 20 minutes as a great piece of Collingwood teamwork involving Cole, Fraser and Kinnear gets the ball to Buckley. He handpasses to Lonie who takes 2 bounces and unloads from 55 metres. Shaw is dragged away from the ball in the goal-square but Tarrant runs in to soccer the ball through for a goal. The margin is back to 3 points. Johnson is playing well displaying a great defensive side to his game as well as giving the Pies extra potency. Fraser has lifted, and Scotland and Licuria are running through the midfield. Shaw and Cole are running out of defence in style. As the quarter comes to a close, Brown who lifted the Lions in a great second-quarter effort, lines up for goal and kicks into the man on the mark. It looked like a loss in concentration and a sign of fatigue. The Collingwood crowd can sniff blood as the Magpies grip tightens and begins to constrain the Brisbane flow. This is an epic contest - and anything can happen. Brisbane's is tiring. Their kicks are either dropping short or they are hurried and going askew. This was Ben Johnson's quarter in a period where only two goals were scored. It's tight stuff out in the middle. Collingwood took all of Brisbane's pressure as the Lions threw everything they had at the Pies. But it was Collingwood who looked fresher as the quarter came to an end.
The final quarter Scotland misses from a play-on advantage. Rocca is robbed of a second mark within scoring distance by a terrible umpiring decision! The rebounding play ends with Cole missing a running shot to an open goalmouth. The Lions lack leg speed and options. Scott Burns marks and misses from 20 metres - scores are level. What a game! What drama! Midway into the term, a Woewodin pass to Rocca is kicked to Andrew Williams who marks inside 50 metres. As Williams lines up for goal, umpire Orangespink decides that his head hasn't been on television enough and decides to intervene and pay a soft free kick to Copeland against Tarrant. This is riduculous over-officiating! If only these idiots could leave the trivial things alone. The ball ends up at the NASA end as McGrath snaps but is denied a major score as Licuria gets back in time to touch the shot. Clement clears the ball out of defence to a fresh Alan Didak. He passes to Woewodin who marks on the freeloaders wing. Didak overlaps to accept the pass, runs to 55 metres on the boundary in front of the Olympic Stand and unloads with a left-foot shot that dissects the goals. Pies are 5 points up as the crowd goes wild and Brisbane heads start to drop. The centre clearance by Licuria ends with a huge mark to Rocca 35 metres out from goal. He milks the moment, taking his time. It's another goal and the crowd is electric. It's the Pies by 11 points and finishing stronger. Brisbane has one final shot in their medicine cabinet - but it misses for a behind. The Lions are gone - 10 points down. The Collingwood chant goes around the ground as the Magpies keep possession and challenge the Lions to come at them. Almost 20 minutes have been played. O'Bree earns a free kick on the northern side and passes to Didak who marks just inside 50 metres hugging the boundary line. He shoots from behind the line and his left-foot kick sails through for Collingwood's ninth goal. GAME OVER!!!
The wash-up
Where to now? This premiership race is wide open but I have no doubt that Collingwood is a far better unit than its 2002 version. GO THE MIGHTY MAGPIES!!!
| |
|
Media Deals: Murmuration of starlings or malapertness of pedlars? - Part 3. September 4th, 2003. Television has failed the football fan in so many ways. Channel 9 choosing to delay a sell-out final-round match between Victoria's top clubs last week in preference for a pre-recorded gardening show, is just the latest in a procession of programming atrocities perpetrated on the viewing public. Worse than this injustice was The Eddie Show's cynical attempt at justifying the decision. Was that the Channel 9 Eddie Show or the Magpie Eddie Show? Or am I mistaken to believe there are more than one? After all, he's gone to a lot of trouble over the past two years to deny any potential conflict of interest, while switching hats faster than a Baghdad traffic cop. Imagine if it was Channel 10 who chose not to telecast that game live. Eddie's indignation would've been bigger than a pair of Oprah's poo-catcher undies. In the world of TV football commentators, Dennis Cometi shines like a beacon in a turbulent sea of darkness - as distinct from a cork in the ocean. His dulcet tones, articulate calling and impartiality give the TV viewer a refreshing break from the usual fare of stupid opinionated drivel that emanates from Channel Geriatric. Cometi's good humour and wonderful insight into the game consistently informs and entertains the long-suffering viewer. His move from Channel 7 to continue calling matches was one of the rare good things in this brave new world of media deals. Steve Quartermain heads Channel 10's commentary team. He too plays it with a straight bat, even though he sometimes sounds like he's lost somewhere between the play on the field and Ten's wayward camera-shots. It's a pity there aren't too many more in the TV stakes like these two.
Yesterday's men (they failed before)! When Channel 9 obtained free-to-air rights two years ago, they had the chance to do something fresh and exciting. Instead, much of what they did was to emulate Channel 7's unimaginative sameness. They brought Mike Sheahan and Gerard Healy over from Titanic TV as well as Dermot Brereton who had defected to Channel 7 a couple of years earlier. At least, to their credit, they saw the error of their ways - they dropped Sheahan altogether, and have reduced the Healy and Brereton prominence this season. Radio and the press are no strangers to media clowns either. The likes of Patrick Smith, Caroline Wilson and Mike Sheahan grace our three biggest-selling daily newspapers in Victoria as front-line 'opinion' writers. And there are Rex Hunt (that isn't rhyming slang, but it ought to be) and James Brayshaw on radio, where the listener is subjected to some of the stupidest, over-opinionated, under-informed and irrelevant rubbish imaginable. Who in the hell hires these people?
Search then the ruling passion: There, alone, The fact that many of these media morons have entrenched themselves as self-appointed moral barometers is thoroughly comical. Worse still, some of these hold positions with the AFL with the job of nominating Hall of Fame nominees and Norm Smith Medallists, or being on the rules committee. It's a convenient symbiotic relationship - the host deludes the parasites into a sense of self-importance, while the parasites feed only where they won't upset the host. Now that the home and away rounds have ended, it's an appropriate time to take a brief look at some of the season's stand-out media performers. Here are my nominations for the prestigious Along the wing Media Tosslepot Trophy for 2003. Gerard Healy - a consistent performer in this category. His best effort extends from the end of round 21 in the 2002 season when then Bulldog's coach Terry Wallace parted ways with the club. Gerard in all his wondrous wisdom was bewildered at Plough's reasoning, and declared on 3AW radio that in his opinion the Western Bulldogs had a superior playing-list to Collingwood's! The passage of time is never kind to ex-footballers, but it must be especially cruel to those whose opinions are so stupid. Caroline Wilson - a fascinating insight into the world of football Caro-style. At the beginning of the season The Age 'chief football writer' tipped The Western Bulldogs to come third in season 2003. Not bad for a team that was broke, had a newbie coach with reduced support staff and managed just 3 wins for the season. Special mention must also go to Caro's journalistic prowess demonstrated in last Sunday's Age when she devoted her column to critiquing how players performed… Not on the field, mind you, but on the previous Thursday night's Footy Show. Wow, I can almost imagine that the New York Times's Thomas Friedman must be clutching his Pulitzer Prize with very sweaty hands. Mike Sheahan - a thoroughly entertaining read in The Herald-Comic. Mike is obviously going to be a late-bloomer. I remember reading his columns in the defunct afternoon Herald in the late 1970s and wondered what sport he was an expert in. A quarter of a century later, I'm left to ponder the same question. It only took this moron a decade to realise that Nathan Buckley can play football. Tim Lane - a man of great ethical standing. Remember tragic Tim's ethical dilemma in 2002 about The Eddie Show's Collingwood presidency and how he could not work beside him? No problems working with Carlton director Steve Silvagni on Channel 10? Eh, Tim? Lane's commentary was once articulate and almost poetic - but that was when he was on radio. It's not the same when it comes with vision though. Dermot Brereton - media's man of mystery. Ever wondered what's on Dermie's mind? Neither have I. Dermie is trying way too hard to make an impact, desperately hard. It seems like the longer he's been out of playing footy, the less relevant his opinions are. When it comes to Dermie, I often recall the old adage about fools: it's better to keep your mouth shut and keep them guessing than to open it and remove all doubt. Patrick Smith - who is he anyway? Is he football's self-appointed wise man… or a boring, self-righteous dullard? I've only bought The Australian once - and that was because I needed to cover a floor in a room I was going to paint. Like anybody gives a hoot what you think! Take note from a journalist who knew his craft, oh great and mighty grand-poobah of newspapers most people don't bother reading: Comment is free, but facts are sacred! James Brayshaw - it's not your fault that no-one takes you seriously. James, stick to cricket, or stick to South Australia. But your radio stints on MMM's football coverage just expose how unprepared and unknowledgeable you are about this game. Please email us your vote for the 2003 Along the wing Media Tosslepot Trophy. And do what I do, and try to avoid having to tolerate these assclowns by going to as many games as possible. Footnote: The words "murmuration" and "malapertness" used in the title are the correct collective nouns for starlings and pedlars respectively, according to lists of 'proper terms' in the 15th century 'Book of St. Albans' attributed to Dame Juliana Barnes in 1486.
| |
|
Magpies Win Home Final. August 31st, 2003. Friday night 29 August 2003 - MCG - Attendance 68,381
COLLINGWOOD 12 - 11 - 83
Goals: Rocca 2, Woewodin 2, Buckley 2, Tarrant, Lonie, O'Bree, Burns, Cole, Fraser Collingwood powered its way to second position and a home qualifying final in a hard-fought 16-point win over Essendon in front of 68,381 screaming fans at the Home of Football. Unlike the last time these Victorian giants met on Anzac Day, difficult playing conditions complicated by swirling wind called for hardness at the ball and teamwork, rather than individual efforts. So in the end it was the classy Magpies - a team that has taken teamwork to a new level this season - winning-out over the individual flashiness of Hird, Lloyd, Fletcher and their under-achieving supporting cast.
A night of six stunning revelations
Revelation #1: The AFL values media dollars more than the game's integrity! The combinations and permutations are mind-boggling, as some clubs pin their hopes on winning and also relying on the results of other matches to brush-aside their rivals for ladder position. In every league in every football code in the world, the final round can present situations where teams might depend on results of other matches before they know their prospects. That's why it's only proper to play all of the matches contemporaneously. But not the AFL - seemingly because they'd rather dole out the games to the TV networks without regard to the integrity of the competition.
Revelation #2: AFL has more versions of the rules than David Beckham has hairstyles! To the people running umpiring over at Assclown Central (a.k.a. AFL HQ) - can you at least notify the clubs and spectators which version of the rulebook you're going to apply before the game so everyone can follow what in the hell you're doing?
Revelation #3: Channel 9 prefers gardening to footy!
Revelation #4: The protruding paving brick has gone!
Revelation #5: South Australians need dictionaries!
Revelation #6: Western Australia invents a new accent!
Back to the footy match The Magpies quickly replied with a centre clearance and a goal by Nathan Buckley. Moments later Shane O'Bree kicks and goals. Late in the quarter, a thumping 55-metre boundary-line kick by Anthony Rocca sails through for a major score. The Magpies went into the first break 12 points up after making better use of their opportunities, contesting harder in the midfield and restricting the Bombers' forwards. The wind looked like it favoured the NASA end where Collingwood kicked. So Essendon had the opportunity in front of them to test the Magpie defences. Early in the second term Solomon marked and goaled from questionable free kick up the ground against Josh Fraser to bring them within a goal of the Pies. Fraser was harshly judged to be holding the ball, yet Dean Rioli got away with incubating the ball on three occasions with no penalty. An earlier holding the ball penalty against Anthony Rocca was also inconsistent with the more lenient treatment afforded to Rioli. Internet whiz-kid and Essendon full-forward "Matthew Lloyd.com" marked 30 metres in front of goal and missed in a tight opening to the second quarter. Jacobs goals for the Bombers midway through the term to give his team the lead. Collingwood replied immediately as Rocca passed to Buckley 30 metres out in the left forward pocket. Buckley kicked truly but in a moment of intrigue, the nameless assclown masquerading as a goal umpire misjudges the kick and only awards a behind. I'd like to hear the explanation for this since the goal umpire was standing more than a metre to the right of the right-hand goalpost as the ball sailed between the big posts. Rack it up as yet another goal umpiring error. What's worse in this case is the goal umpire situated himself in a poor position to make a proper call. Lift your game umpires - this could get very very very ugly if a finals match is decided by an error like this. A minute later and Ryan Lonie snaps from 40 metres and kicks a goal. The Magpies are winning more of the ball and are again rewarded with a goal by Shane Woewodin from a left-foot snap as he comes out of a pack. The last five minutes of the second half, was Essendon's best period of the match as they goaled three times to go into the long break with a 6-point lead. A defensive error during a tight passage of play gave the Bombers the first of this sequence. The second was from matthew.lloyd.com.financialdeal after the ball luckily fell his way centimetres in front of the goal line. Essendon began to slow the pace to their liking and managed to wrest control. A poor turnover by Collingwood allowed the Bombers to switch play to the northern side of the ground, and take the ball into their forward zone resulting in a flat floating mongrel punt kick by Haynes to put the Bombers into the lead. The second half began with Scott Burns marking strongly over James Hird. The resultant kick was a goal and the scores were level. Essendon replied with a Rioli pass to lloyd.com who goaled from 5 metres. The Magpies need to rearrange their defence as Shane Wakelin is injured and comes off the ground. Richard Cole - who has really come into his own in the latter part of the season - goals to again level the score. But Essendon are not showing any signs of capitulating as Solomon kicks his second goal of the match from the goal square. The Pies keep fighting back and a behind leads to a kick-out by Fletcher who miscues his kick into the path of Woewodin who marks and goals to put the Pies two points ahead. Late in the quarter Buckley marks 45 metres out from an O'Bree pass. Buckley kicks truly and the Pies look a chance to crack this game wide open. Collingwood lifted their work-rate as the third quarter came to a close, but the Bombers - with superb leadership coming from Hird - are only one goal down with a quarter left to play where the Dons will have the benefit of the wind. It's been a tight closely contested game, as the final term begins with both teams determined to make the best of this titanic struggle. David Hille marks 20 metres out on an angle with a chance to regain the lead for the Bombers, but he kicks waywardly in what turns out to be a costly miss. This is a struggle of mammoth proportions, as the pressure is telling on some of the less-experienced Bombers. On 10 minutes, Henneman gives away a free kick to Fraser in front of the Collingwood goal but his shot misses to the right. Collingwood are looking stronger in the finish but they have yet to score a goal in the final quarter. Midway through the quarter, Fraser takes the ball out of a boundary throw-in and guides his bouncing kick through for goal from 20 metres out. The Pies are 11 points ahead and the crowd is at fever pitch. A tight passage of play ends with Haynes trying his luck from 30 metres with a snap that brings the Bombers within a goal of the lead. Buckley begins to take command of the middle as the crowd senses the Magpies are finishing stronger. His opposite number, James Hird has played magnificently but has gone quiet in the final term - when Hird fires the Bombers are great, but they're fading as Hird can't carry this intensity without more support from his middle-order. On 19 minutes Rocca takes a strong mark in front of the goal square from an Alan Didak long-bomb. He kicks the goal and the Pies are again 11 points up. This game is tighter than an Essendon salary cap explanation! On 22 minutes Chris Tarrant marks on the 50 metre arc and should have received a 50-metre penalty from a late collision by an air-borne opponent but the assclowns in yellow again cops a dose of selective vision impairment. Tarrant's kick from 48 metres sails through for a goal to put the Magpies 17 points ahead with under 4 minutes to play. GAME OVER! The Pies will finish second on the ladder with a home qualifying final while the Bombers check for interstate accommodation.
The wash-up Josh Fraser was again magnificent around the ground. The Pies dominated the centre clearances and stoppages around the field. Shane Woewodin was a major contributor but slowed in the last quarter. Nathan Buckley stood up all night and exerted more and more influence as the game went on. Jason Cloke was solid in defence with 12 marks and certainly redeemed himself from the hairdressing disaster that obviously beset him during the week. Chris Tarrant and Anthony Rocca were in devastating form in the front half. A second position ladder finish is testimony to the Magpies improved form and application since the mid-season break. The loss against Brisbane at the beginning of the month has only made the Pies smarter and harder at their footy. They have bounced back with three consecutive hard-fought victories against quality opposition since that fateful afternoon on August 9th.
Next week GO MAGPIES !!!
| |
|
Media Deals: Exciting in prospect, dull in retrospect - Part 2. August 27th, 2003. In part one of this critique of this AFL's media arrangements, I mentioned that a few years ago I looked forward to the prospect of a new media deal - and a new TV network to cover the football.
"The media. It sounds like a convention of spiritualists." Television coverage had become lazy, tired and boring under Channel 7's years of free-to-air monopoly. For decades, the footy was telecast according to a formula devised in the 1950s. Despite the massive advances in technology, the footy fan was watching a coverage that had barely changed. Perhaps it was naïve to assume a new media deal would mean a creative new look at football through our television sets. Creativity and high production standards had become standard fare for television coverage of rugby, athletics, motor sport, swimming, soccer, American football, cricket, yachting, the list goes on. Take a look at Channel 9's treatment of the F1 Grand Prix and of rugby league, or Channel 7 with rugby union. And then compare this to Australian football. In the world of international sports we became accustomed to quality coverage. There appeared to be plenty of scope for AFL TV coverage with commensurate innovations - boundary line views, cross-sectional angular views, end-to-end and diagonal vision, rail-cams running along the perimeter, overhead cameras, close-ups, and sound from the arena. So why not AFL - Australia's premier sport? Channels 9 and 10 and Foxtel have simply continued with the window-dressing stunts that Channel 7 used in its last few seasons. Basically all we have seen is a token effort amounting to little more than 'organic' growth. Where is the quantum leap in creativity? We have a new stadium at the Docklands that was touted to be the most modern and hi-tech sporting venue going - many of us believed this until we experienced it first-hand - so where are the corresponding innovations from the TV networks?
Television? The word is half Greek, half Latin. No good can come of it. To the owners and operators the Docklands Stadium, the AFL and members of the TV consortium, here are some questions. The same can be asked in relation to the redeveloped MCG as well as AFL-specific venues like Perth's Subiaco and Adelaide's Imbecile Stadium.
My point in all of this is that the television networks are desperately trying to present Australian football as a theatrical event rather than as a sport. They are paralysing the viewer with truckloads of data instead of guiding the viewer with informative comment. They're taking away the joy of witnessing a contest.
"We have created a child who will be so exposed to the media that he will be lost to his parents by the time he is 12." In sports, what matters is what occurs on the field, pitch, arena, track, etc. It isn't about who got how many stitches in their forehead, how many minutes a player spends warming up, how badly the team can sing, or what an obscure assistant-coach says in a 10-second sound bite immediately before the opening centre-bounce. People watch football to witness an athletic sporting contest within a set of defined rules between two opposing teams of players. There are plenty of avenues to convey all the hype and superfluous drivel in the hours and days before and after a match. During a match, spectators want to see and focus on the contest out on the field - anything else is just an annoying distraction.
| |
