Have you ever felt like you really just didn't exist? Like, you're walking through the hall and no one talks to you and you start to imagine yourself as vapor? Yeah. This has been freak week.

My friends are ditching me one by one. They all have jobs, LIVES, things to do, and it's pissing me off. But telling them? No, if i tell them how mad I am they'll invite me over out of pity and ignore me even more.

Then there are other friends who just seem to be dissing me for no reason. Everyone feels all distant and crap and i can't handle being vapor.

Did you know there's a song called "Marylin Manson Ate My Girlfriend"??

So anyways, it's such an awful feeling being me right now. It's kind of like pms times 5. I analyze too much, and i think about things and start to blame myself for whatever went wrong. I need a hobby, besides guy-watching. That's all i ever do, i just look at guys. It's because the one's i like are all jack-ass preps or stuck up wannabe punks, and i know that five feet across the room is as close as I'll ever get to them.

"Dang, those self-esteem tapes must be working for you"

Oh, and i'm always tired lately. I just come home and totally crash. I hardly ever leave my room. Probably why i don't have a job. I seriously have problems.

So I'm watching "Fashion Emergency" now. Dumbest show on earth, but i like seeing people look like idiots. I've been thinking about writing some bogus letter saying that i'm seventeen with 4 kids and a husband who won't let me out of the house unless i'm dressed like a man. I think it would relieve some stress. I'm writing the letter.

Wow this whole thing has been me venting. So I have to go do something productive now. Or whatever.

Catch ya Later

Jill