Welcome to the page dedicated to our dear high school, Keystone! It really sucks here. But anyways, on this page we will explore the various cliques, classes, and extra curricular activities that make Keystone such a wonderful place for learning (though not the sort of learning our dear school board intended.)
The Magical Anthom of Keystonia
[Gangsta's Paradise/Coolio]
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plai n
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that
Even Ezekiel things that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699
We've been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I've churned butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Living in an Amish paradise
A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of
I never wear buttons, but I got a cool hat
And my homeys agree I really look good in black... fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired
There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Caruso
It's as primitive as can be
We've been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice
Living in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice
Living in an Amish Paradise
Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raise a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise anutter
Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art
I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife
So don't be vain and don't be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie
We've been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights
Living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
Living in an Amish paradise
Ah oh oh oh, oh oh oh.
Ah oh oh oh, oh oh YECCH!
The Various Cliques of Keystonia
Jocks
Yes, Keystone has jocks. Far to many jocks. And yes, they beat poor defenseless freaks into punk pancakes. This is one of the problems with being alive that I've developed. They're really nothing special, just your average big, cute, strong, dumb mechanical animals. So we'll move along to the next group.
Preps
Preps and jocks are interchangable. It depends on who makes the football team, or cheerleading squad. And they must always, ALWAYS, at any costs, wear Abercrombie & Fitch.
Whatevers
That's me, Jilligan, I guess. Whatever.
Goths
We have 2. Yes, 2. Ah, the John Lennon and Yoko Ono of Keystone High, sort of; If you overlook the fact that instead of tie-dye they wear plastic pants and manson T-shirts. They are however much nicer and far more understanding than the preps and jocks, at least from my experience. O.K. so I'm partial. I'm a freak what do you want!?-BlackWolf.
Geeks
We are not very familliar with this group, however I have come to notice their existance, along with the fact that most of them can't help it. They try to be preps but just end up being annoying.
Stoners
The people who think they're goths but aren't. They wear black, do drugs, and beat the crap out of each other. Our school is sadly overpopulated with these people, who contribute nothing and still graduate. Hence the reason we're known as Keystonerville.
Skaters
Skaters rollerblade, skateboard, dirtbike... Basically anything with wheels. They are generally coordinated, and are often quite hot. They sometimes associate with preps and freaks, but beyond that...it's beyond me. I, Jilligan, want to be a skater. Unfortunately, I lack the coordination, and will power to pick my ass up and learn.
Freaks
As a BlackWolf, I am naturally under this category of people. You have your good freaks, and your bad ones. Generally, hot topic is our store of choice, but not always. We avoid interaction the preps and jocks, and there is peace, and the world is good.
Posers
Want to be everybody.
Sluts
Want to DO everybody.
We are a classy bunch.
Teachers:
Gordo
Ah, yes Gordo. He would be the gym instructor (if he gave instructions that is.) We actually like him though; first off, he lets us call him Gordo. But the main reason is that he doesn't enjoy tormenting us by making us climb ropes and stuff. Possibly the funniest thing he does is just sit there staring off into space as basket balls narrowly miss him, whizing 2 inches from his head.
Mrs. Cowling
She's a sweety through and through, honestly, does YOUR math teacher read you stories every Frieday? I think not!
Mr. Bell
Now he's a teacher. We review the news everyday, we learn WHY things happened as much as when they did, what mistakes caused otherwise good ideas to fail, and why some seemingly good ideas aren't. If your willing to listen, he's willing to teach. If you've got a question, he'll give you the answer or else he'll FIND one. Mr. Bell is truely a good teacher and I the BlackWolf honestly respect him.
Senorita Rice
Hola Chiquita bonita, hasta la vista. Only Spanish I've ever known. Ms. Rice really is a cool teacher. It's just that..I'm in French.
Mr. Jones
He's a younger teacher with a fan club of giggling groupies and the deep voice of a radio announcer. We've often tried to convince him to quit teaching and become a flight attendant but he hasn't yet. He's going to have to pay for his lovechild somehow.
Mr. Pleban: The incredible shrinking man
He's shrinking. No really. It's actually kind of cool. He just gets shorter and shorter every day. It's not good to have to look up to people who are young enough to have been your children.
Students Worthy of Notice:
Furgtopia
Picture Eddie Munster. Picture Eddie Munster as a teenager. That's what the boy looks like. He's never said anything remotly coherent,
Dougan
He's a skater with an attitude. All the teachers yell at him for not having any ambitions; but I ask you, how they can say that when he plans to be a cereal killer, and instead of having a list of people who are going to die, he has a list of people who are going to live?! Now I don't know about you, but in my opinion, THAT'S ambition.
Saint Mathew
Our resident goodie Two-Shoes. We haven't seen him for a while though as he's back in jail. (He didn't do it this time. I'm not kidding. Our justice system needs a serious overhaul.)
Kris
Kris has lost it. We don't know when he lost it, we don't know why he lost it, we don't know how he lost it, we're not even exactly sure of what it is he lost-but at any rate, it's gone. Yes I admit it! I, the BlackWolf, am friends with a jock! but this is not your average jock; he's nice to people!!! And he accepts people for who they are. I know, I couldn't believe it either.
