I feel like I've got nothing to say, but there's just so much to talk about. It's true, I have a committment problem. Its been since July, and still no entry from Jill. Sorry to everyone who cares. It hasn't been a very cheerful 3 months anyways. Ryan left for college on August 23. We broke up. I think that I'd be ok if I never heard from him or saw him. Because then I could convince myself that he's an ass. It's so much easier to be angry than it is to be sad. A friend said it would be good for me to date someone else. That it would help me get over him. But I'm just not feelin it, I don't want to. I really have no choice since I don't see him asking me out again.

The thing is, he comes to visit, and we end up making out. Again. And it just starts all over. Everything I felt comes back to me, and I don't know what else I can do except stop completely. Don't kiss him, don't touch him, just try to smile and act like nothing's wrong. Try smiling when you don't have anyone sweet on sweetest day.

He's living a hard life in college. Or at least that's the impression that I get, since he still can't make Easy Mac the right way, and once asked me if i was proud of him for doing his own laundry. Lol. Oh well, I'll let you know how things work out.

Village market finally made me a cashier, but they still pay me the same damn wages. It's enough though. For example...I bought the Weezer cd. The first cd I've purchased in about 2 years, for real. It also got me into the haunted house last weekend. I went with Leeann, Joe, and Ryan. For some reason it was fun...yet depressing. I can't go to enough haunted houses and walks. I wanted to go on the Trip to Hell. They have it at a church every year, but i ran out of time since it's only in October and this is the last weekend. Trip to Hell. Sounds suspicious. Is there a catch? Do I have to hand over my soul for a free pair of 3-D glasses? Guess I'll never find out. Instead my brother is taking me camping. I'll hand out candy, dressed up like a whore, the night should be eventful...Might even find a hot boy.

Hey, hey, here's some news. Christie is moving. I don't know what I'll do without her. Now I have to drive an hour just to see my girl. It's hard, being her senior year, but I'm sure she'll make it. Right now I think she's going on the fact that there'll be new guys there. New people she hasn't met. I would give almost anything to start over again, have a new first impression. She has that, and in a way I'm happy for her.

Well its been fun, but I have to get some chem studying done. It's kicking my butt.

later

Love,

Jill